A/N: I can see your reviews now! Thanks for the love!
Ed put his head in his hands sitting there in the chair in her hospital room wondering how they ended up here.
The last few hours had all been a blur. He thought the second Benson… no, Olivia (she was Olivia now. Much more than just a pain in his ass colleague after today) heard other officers coming into her apartment she would have sprung away from Ed like she'd been shocked. The last thing a detective would want is to have her fellow officers see her more or less cuddling the leader of the "Rat Squad."
But she was so out of it that she barely even acknowledged that there were other people around.
"Olivia," Ed said, speaking softly, seeing at how she was wincing at some of the loud noises, even if it was almost imperceptible. "The paramedics are here. Some of your team. I think it would be a good idea to go to the hospital and get checked out."
Her still-glazed eyes widened.
"Don't wanna go alone," She muttered.
Ed looked up around the room. Amaro, Tutuola, and Cragen were all standing awkwardly in the doorway. Cragen looked sick, Amaro looked like he wanted to hit something. Tutuola just looked sad, especially when he caught sight of Ed holding Olivia against the couch.
"Your friends are here," Ed said, knowing she'd probably be more comfortable with one of them. "Your Captain. They won't make you go alone."
"No," she said, rather forcefully. "Want you."
It surprised Ed to hear her say that. He understood it, of course. A lot of people who suffer a traumatic event cling to the first responder who helps them. That wasn't the Olivia Benson he knew, but she was on something, and by the smell probably also pumped full of vodka. She'd change her mind when she sobered up. But for now…
"I can come with you," Ed said. "Sure."
The paramedics had come to move her now. They wanted to take her out on a stretcher because they didn't know the extent of her injuries and she didn't protest. It was strange for Ed to see the larger-than-life Detective Benson so pliable, so non-committal to everything around her. As much as she annoyed him when she was on the job, he was pretty sure he preferred her sassy and spunky to whatever was happening here now.
Her only request had been that she could either see Ed or hold his hand the entire time. It earned him strange looks from her squad, but he was just as baffled as they were.
"Tucker," Cragen started, almost as if he was going to give a warning.
"Cragen, I'll stay with her," Tucker said, trying to be reassuring. "I won't… I'm not here as IAB, okay? I'm just going to be there for her. You take care of what you need to do, then meet us at Mercy."
Nobody seemed to trust him. But Olivia did at the moment, and that's all that really mattered.
The ambulance ride was quick, but painful. Every time the paramedic tried to get near Olivia to check her pulse or make sure she didn't have any broken bones or any obvious head wounds she'd flinch. A few times when they were trying to check her abdomen, she whimpered, and when the paramedic finally lifted her shirt a bit to see why, Ed almost lost his lunch.
Her stomach and sides were littered with angry, festering burns. Some small and circular, some long and jagged, others in the shape of a key.
He knew he couldn't react. She'd still been clinging tight to his hand. Seeing what that perp had done to her, Ed wasn't sorry about the way it ended. He'd do it again and again if he had to. Even though now his own squad was going to have to investigate him.
Ed flashed his badge when they got to the ER. No use making her wait in the crowded bay if they didn't have to. He wasn't much for circumventing the rules, especially not using his badge to get it done, but Olivia deserved a real room and a little bit of privacy, right away.
The doctors had a million questions for her, but she still wasn't up for giving more than one-word answers, so they turned to Ed, like he knew anything more. He told them what he suspected about the vodka and some kind of drugs, so they ran a blood draw, but even with a rush, it wouldn't be back for at least a day.
"Could we maybe wait until she's a little more lucid to do the other exams?" Ed asked.
He wasn't all sure of what was in her system, but he knew rape kits could be invasive. She'd already mumbled her consent to have one, but he didn't want her under the influence, feeling violated all over again because she came to in the middle of it all.
"It's really in our best interest to work as quickly as possible," the nurse said. "Protect all the evidence."
"Ma'am, I know you're just trying to do your job," Ed said. "But we know who did this to her and he's dead now. Could we wait just a few hours, as long as she doesn't shower or change her clothes or anything? Just until she can make sure this is really what she wants?"
The nurse looked like she wanted to fight him, but she took one more look at Liv who they knew at this point had a concussion and she looked like she was in so much pain.
"Fine, but she has to stay in this room, stay in the bed completely if she can, so the tech knows where to sweep and swab for any other evidence," the nurse said. "You'll stay with her to make sure of that, right?"
"Absolutely," Ed said.
It'd been a few hours. He knew she hadn't dozed because of the concussion but she'd been quiet for quite some time. Cragen had checked in by text to let Ed know they were both going to have to be questioned, which he already knew. He'd stepped out into the hallway and called Stabler to let him know what was going on and that went just about as well as expected. But Ed knew it wasn't his place to be giving out that kind of information. It was Olivia's.
From what he could tell, she'd been violated enough and he wasn't going to contribute to it by passing her business around like gossip. Even to Stabler.
As he was sitting there trying to piece it all together in his mind–reconcile that he'd killed a man, and what's worse, didn't actually have any remorse for it–when she finally spoke the first full, coherent sentence he'd heard out of her yet.
"Can I have some water?" she asked, meekly. "My mouth feels like sandpaper and my head is killing me."
"Hey," Ed said, standing to come to her bedside. "I don't think we can get you water quite yet. But I can get a nurse."
"They do the kit yet?" she asked. "I kind of… don't remember much since we got here."
"No, um, I actually asked if they could wait until you were more lucid," Ed said. "You consented but you still had all the drugs and alcohol in your system. I wasn't sure if you really meant it."
"Of course I meant it," she said, a bite in her tone. "I tell people to get these every day. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't get one myself."
"I'll get the nurse then," Ed said, figuring if she was going to get mad at him it was best to duck out quickly.
"Tucker," she called just as he was about to pull open the door. "Thank you for thinking of that. I just… I know I need to do it. Even if I don't want to."
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Ed said. "We know who it was and he's dead. If you don't want to go through that."
"I have to," Olivia said. "What if he left evidence on me that we can connect to a past crime? And give another woman or another family some closure?"
Ed was in awe of how, even now, she was thinking of how she could help someone else. If there was ever a time to be selfish, this would have been it. But Olivia Benson wasn't wired that way.
He didn't have to go far to find her nurse. She was actually heading in to check on Olivia right as he was trying to leave.
"She's more lucid now," Ed said. "And she confirmed she wants the kit."
"Would you like to sit in while we go over the procedure with her?" the nurse asked.
"I mean she's an SVU detective," Ed said, feeling a bit uncomfortable about it all. "I'm sure she knows what to expect."
"Right, but you probably don't," the nurse said. "I'm sure you'll want to know your girlfriend is in good hands. You can even stay for the procedure if she'll allow it."
"Oh, she's not… we're not… I'm just… we work together, sort of," Ed said, stumbling over his own words. There was no way Olivia would want him around for this. Even for the walkthrough. Stabler maybe. Hell, even Tutuola or Cragen, but not him. "Just, uh, tell her I'll be right outside here, okay?"
The nurse nodded and clicked Olivia's door shut and closed the blinds. He didn't belong in there, so why did he almost feel like he was abandoning her?
It was about three or four hours into the exam when the nurse came back out to find him.
"Is she finished?" Ed asked.
"Almost," the nurse said. "We have the oral and internal exams left and then I'm going to help her shower and dress her burn wounds."
"Thank you for the update," Ed said. "How much longer do you think that will take?"
"Maybe another hour," the nurse said. "But she's asking for you."
"Me?" Ed asked. "Why?"
"I don't know," the nurse said.
Without a word, Ed followed the nurse back to Olivia's room. She was sitting up on the bed, facing the door. Her eyes looked sullen and she had tear marks on her cheeks. Ed thought it was cruel, how a woman could be brutalized the way Olivia was and the subject to an invasive exam right after.
"Hey," Ed said, stepping up to her bedside. "Nurse said you wanted to see me."
"Has anyone called Elliot?" Olivia asked. "He… Lewis played a voicemail he left me before he crushed my phone and I just… he might wonder why I haven't answered him back."
Again, Ed was floored by her ability to think of other people in the middle of her own trauma.
"Yeah, I called him after we got here," Ed said. "You know, he's actually the one who called me."
Olivia's eyes widened in surprise.
"When you didn't answer he tried to call your team, but they were in the field," Ed said. "He thought maybe I'd arrested you again."
He tried to make it sound light and it did get a small laugh out of her.
"Do you know if he's coming home early?" Olivia asked, almost shyly. "Is he here maybe?"
"He's trying to get back," Ed said. "That's what he told me last time we talked. But I don't think he's here yet though."
Her face fell, and fear settled back in her eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Ed asked.
"I really don't want to do these last two parts of the exam," Olivia said, her voice not much louder than a whisper. "I don't know if you remember my undercover case from Sealview."
Ed nodded. He did. And he never would have greenlit an operation like that and he never understood why Cragen did.
"I had to do this all back then too, and these were the hardest parts," she said. "I was hoping El would be here. He could, I don't know, stand guard or something."
"Can you wait to do these last steps until her partner gets here?" Ed asked.
"How long will that be?" the nurse asked.
Ed checked his watch.
"Maybe three more hours," Ed said.
"I'd really rather finish up if we can so she can get showered, get some water, and eat a real meal," the nurse said.
Ed looked back at Olivia.
"You've done this before," Ed said. "You can do it again. You're strong Benson."
She nodded and he went to turn to leave the room again but she grabbed his arm.
"Will you stay?" Olivia asked. "Please?"
Ed gulped.
"They're going to do an internal, Olivia," Ed said. "You really want me here for that?"
"We can put up a privacy sheet," the nurse said. "Like we do for c-section births. As long as you sit in a chair up by her head you won't be able to see a thing."
"You're right," Olivia said. "Dumb idea. Just uh, make sure you send Elliot in if he shows up."
Ed looked at her as she shifted on the bed to face the nurse again. She was preparing the oral swabs for the exam. Olivia was tense, her fists clenched tightly against her thighs. Eyes squeezed shut.
Ed sighed. Slowly he walked up next to Olivia and pulled one of her clenched fists into his palm. She opened her eyes in shock.
"I'm not going anywhere," Ed said. "Right here. Whatever you need."
She unclenched her fist and slid their palms together, threading their fingers.
"Open up," The nurse said, coming at Olivia with the cotton swabs.
She gagged, and her eyes pricked with tears the closer the swab got to the back of her mouth. She squeezed Ed's hand tightly, and the only thing he could think to do was squeeze back.
When the oral exam was over, the nurse got Olivia to lie down and got Ed's chair situated, and strung up the curtain. He heard a lot of clanking and could see the visible discomfort on Olivia's face and reached for her hand again.
"I know you think I'm this big mean IAB Captain, right?" Ed asked, and Olivia turned her head to look at him with a cocked eyebrow. "Want to hear a story that will make you think differently?"
"Of course," Olivia said through grit teeth.
So Ed launched into the story about the time his sister dared him to climb one of the tallest trees behind his grandmother's house in New Jersey. He didn't want to back down from the dare and look like a sissy, but he was terrified of heights.
"I got to the top and there was this beehive," Ed said. "And the only thing I'm more afraid of than heights is bees. I screamed like a toddler and slipped off the branch. Not only did I break my ankle and my arm, I got stung six times right in the ass. I basically had to lay on my stomach for weeks until I healed."
By the end of the story, Olivia was laughing. Really, truly laughing. And something about it made Ed's heart swell in his chest. He was able to make her forget the exam, and before they knew it, the nurse was pulling back the curtain.
"You're all done, Detective," the nurse said. "How about we get you that shower you're dying to have and then get you a good meal. Maybe your friend here will even sneak out and get you something really good, not from the cafeteria. I won't tell."
Ed smiled at Olivia.
"Anything you want," he said. "I'll be happy to go get it. I think Cragen and Tutuola are in the waiting room they can come in and sit with you while I go.
"Can I have some french fries?" Olivia asked. "I really just want a huge thing of fries. And a raspberry tea."
"You got it," Ed said. "I'll send one of the guys in, okay?"
"Thank you," Olivia said. "For everything you've done today. I know we've never really seen eye to eye."
"Hey, I know it doesn't seem like it, but I care just as much about my fellow officers as you do," Ed said. "You were in trouble and you needed backup and I would do it all over again if you needed me."
Ed felt something strange stirring in his chest when she looked up at him with her big, soft brown eyes, so he got out of the room as quickly as he could, on the hunt for her team and some fries.
He was about to round the corner and tell her boys they could go back whenever they were ready, but Cragen and Tutuola weren't alone.
"Tucker," Stabler barked. "Where the hell have you been? I called a bunch of times."
Ed's headache was back.
Out of the frying pan and right into the fire.