A/N: Man, you guys don't trust me at all, huh? Just stick with it people. Do you think I would ever really do Elliot like that and make him watch her with Tucker without good reason?
"I take it he doesn't know everything," Ed said as he saw Stabler's quick exit from the doorway out of the corner of his eye.
He heard a window lift in the other room and feet stomping on metal. Ed had to give Stabler some credit, though. If he had to see another man holding the woman he loved, in his own bed no less, he wouldn't have handled it well. Stabler at least had the decency (this time) to take his rage somewhere else.
"No," Olivia said in a small whisper.
Ed knew everything. Everything everything about the time Oliva spent with William Lewis. He took the first interview with his squad so he could sit in on hers as long as he promised not to influence her testimony.
It was worse than he thought. The mental gymnastics the sick bastard put her through, coupled with the torture. His team asked her multiple times if she was raped, and she denied it each time.
They'd done the interview in her hospital room the day she was getting released. Cragen had forced Stabler to go home, eat, shower, and get his apartment ready once they decided she'd be going home with him. He'd been insistent that he'd be the one to come back, pick her up, and take her there. Nobody argued, but Cragen made a joke about how he was going to have a woman staying with him now, and the place needed to look presentable, not like a bachelor pad.
It was only after the rest of Ed's squad had cleared the room and Olivia was preparing for Stabler's return that he learned the truth.
"I didn't tell them everything," Olivia said.
"What?" Ed asked.
"Your squad," she said. "I told them most of it, but not everything. Some things I just don't want in a file, you know. He's dead but that's going to follow me for eternity."
"Olivia," Ed asked slowly. "Did he rape you?"
She shook her head no.
"Not by definition, no," she said. "But it felt like it."
He hadn't been sure of how to approach the situation.
"Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked.
"You'll make me put it in the file," she said.
"No, I won't," he said. "Remember, I'm not on this case. I'm a witness."
"It's embarrassing," she said. "I just don't want the whole NYPD knowing what happened. Every news outlet. Every person I pass on the street."
"Hey, hey," Ed said. "You don't have to tell me or anyone anything you don't want to. I know the department is insisting you go to counseling so you can always talk about it there. But I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do."
Ed meant it. She was somewhat of a warrior in his eyes now after everything he knew. All those years he'd thought her attitude was bravado and ego like Stabler's, but he'd been wrong. It was the genuine drive to get justice and to keep fighting under terrible circumstances. Those were the things that kept her alive when a weaker woman would have died at William Lewis' hands. And they had.
"You'll judge me," Olivia said. "Everyone will judge me for not stopping it. Not doing more."
"I'm not judging," Ed said. "Remember, Olivia, I made a choice too. I shot him dead between the eyes. I could have winged him, subdued him. But I went for the kill shot. Because he belonged in the ground. And I'd do it again. But see, now I've shared a secret with you. One I didn't tell my team. I told them the only choice I had was deadly force. Maybe it wasn't. But I knew the second he looked at your gun I was going to kill him. And I don't feel bad about it, and I would do it again if I was in the same situation."
"Telling me that could get you fired," Olivia said.
"It could," Ed said. "But I guess I have to trust that you won't tell my squad, huh?"
"I won't," she said.
"And I won't tell anyone anything you say to me right now," Ed said.
"He didn't rape me," Olivia whispered. "He couldn't get it up. Wanted me to fight but I was so drowsy from the booze and the pills and being hit in the head. It didn't excite him"
Ed nodded.
"He started to get angry with me for not fighting him," Olivia said. "So he took me into the bedroom and threw me on the bed."
He could see her taking a deep breath, trying to share the information without going back to that place.
"He pulled my shirt down, that's how it got torn," Olivia said, swallowing thickly and avoiding his eyes. "He grabbed me. Touched me. It hurt so bad because he'd already burned my chest multiple times."
Ed was the one who needed a deep breath then. The more she talked, the more it solidified in his mind that he did the right thing by removing William Lewis from this earth.
"I know I've told victims this a million times, that your body can react on its own, even if you're not enjoying it," she said. "But mine did."
Ed understood the weight of her words. She'd become aroused against her own will. Her body betrayed her.
"He pulled my pants down and he could tell," Olivia said. "But he still couldn't get it up because I wasn't resisting. So he started to look around my room and he found… some things in my nightstand. And he used them instead."
He thought he might actually be sick. So that's what she meant by "not in the traditional sense." She meant it was nothing that would really show up in her rape kit. But just because Lewis didn't use his own dick didn't make the experience any less traumatizing.
"It didn't last long, because I still wasn't reacting or resisting," Olivia said. "So he re-dressed me and took me back to the living room for more torture because I would at least flinch when my skin started to burn. And he liked that."
He'd never be able to get her words out of his head. And they were still bouncing around inside as he pulled her a little closer.
"I think he needs to know," Ed said. "You're living with him for the time being after all."
"He can't," Olivia said, her voice sounding almost choked.
"Why not?" Ed asked.
"Because," Olivia said. "He wasn't there. He already blames himself enough. If he knew there was more he'd never forgive himself. Or me."
Ed let out a deep sigh. This is what made dealing with the Benson/Stabler duo such a challenge. They were too close and had the psych evaluations to prove it. They would protect the other to the bitter end, even if it meant hurting themselves. And they would always choose each other over the job. Stabler did and he killed a kid. Ed was able to wrangle that much out of him before Stabler decided to leave the force.
Although, at this point, did he really have any room to judge. He chose Olivia over the job. He protected her life by taking someone else's. And he didn't regret it. That made him no better than Stabler. He knew he should be disgusted with himself, that he went against everything he swore to uphold. Maybe the right thing to do would be to turn in his badge?
He wasn't going to, of course. But it was a noble thought.
"Olivia, it's nice of you to want to protect him, but don't you think he'd want to help you deal with it all?" Ed asked.
"I can handle it myself," she said, stubbornly.
"You shouldn't have to," Ed said.
"I know that, I do," she said. "That's why I asked you to come tonight."
Ed felt his heart soften. She called him over Stabler. She trusted him over Stabler. And as good as that made him feel–because face it, Olivia Benson was a knockout, a warrior, and one of the kindest souls he'd ever encountered–he knew she could never really mean it. Anybody with two eyes and a few functional brain cells could tell that Elliot Stabler loved Olivia Benson and she loved him back.
They just needed to get out of their own damn ways.
"I told you before that I'm happy to be here for you," Ed said. "We're linked now and there's no going back from that. I'll be here for whatever you need. But that doesn't mean you have to push Stabler out of the picture completely."
That got Olivia riled up. She shoved his arm off her shoulders and slid away from him on the bed, pulling her knees to her chest and curling up into herself, much like she'd done at the hospital.
"Everything doesn't have to be about Elliot," Olivia said. "Maybe you just make me feel good. Maybe you make me feel safe. Maybe I trust you."
"Maybe all that is true," Ed said, twisting to face her on the bed. "But that doesn't have to be exclusive. Don't you trust Stabler?"
"I do," Olivia said, her voice sounding small.
"Does he make you feel safe?" Ed asked.
"He does," she said.
"So don't punish him for not being the one to bust in and shoot William Lewis," Ed said. "I think we both know he would have if he could have."
Olivia sighed and nodded.
"I'm afraid to get too close to him right now," Olivia said.
"Why?" Ed asked.
"Just because," she said.
"Olivia, those kinds of vague answers aren't going to work on me," Ed said. "I'm a cop too, remember?"
She continued to bite her lip but wouldn't answer.
"Fine, I'll guess then," Ed said. "My guess is you don't want him too close because you're in love with him."
"Why would you say something like that?" Olivia asked.
"Hit a nerve, didn't I?" Ed asked. "But if it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure he loves you back. How many people call their worst enemy just to check in on a friend?"
"I wouldn't say you're Elliot's worst enemy," Olivia said.
"Well, I'm sure not his friend," Ed said. "But he's let me sit here, in his bed with you for 20 minutes, and hasn't killed me yet because you asked me to come here. What else would you call that?"
"Being a good friend," Olivia said.
"Olivia, you can tell me the truth," Ed said. "He's not on the job anymore. You're not partners. I can't fire either one of you or split you up."
Olivia's eyes were watery as she tilted her head back, trying to stop tears from falling down her cheeks.
"Fine," Olivia said. "I have feelings for him. Is that what you wanted to hear? God, Ed, why do you care?"
"Because I want to know why if you have feelings for Stabler, you won't let him get near you," Ed said.
"He'll see me differently," Olivia whispered. "After he knows."
"No, he won't," Ed said.
"Yeah, right," Olivia said.
"I don't see you differently," Ed said.
"Oh, come off it," Olivia said. "Of course you do. I'm weak now. I'm tainted. I let him touch me. Use me."
"You did not let him do anything," Ed said. "He had to knock you out and drug you out of your mind just to get anywhere near you. He took something from you without your permission and that wasn't okay. But you didn't let it happen."
"I didn't fight him," Olivia said.
"You were drugged," Ed said. "And you said it yourself he got off on the fight and the resistance. By not encouraging him you were actually saving yourself. Who knows what he would have done if you'd reacted the way he wanted you to."
Olivia bit her lip again looking like some of what he was saying was sinking in.
"I won't let Elliot near me in the bed," Olivia said quietly. "I've kicked him out of his own. He's sleeping on the couch. I wouldn't let him near me in my hospital bed. And when he tries to wake me up from the nightmares I push him out immediately. It's… I can't see him near a bed and not think of Lewis. And I don't want Elliot and Lewis existing in the same place. Not in the same areas of my mind. One is good and the other was evil, and I don't want them to mix."
Ed thought about the fact that Olivia let him climb into bed and hold her this evening while Stabler stormed from the room. It made a lot more sense now.
"You didn't have a problem letting me into the bed," Ed said.
"You saw the evil for yourself," Olivia said. "You're already tied to it. Even if I wish you weren't."
Ed reached for her hand.
"Olivia, please tell him what happened," Ed said. "At least give him a reason why you're uncomfortable having him near you in bed. We both know Stabler is explosive. But he just wants to help you, protect you. I'm sure of it."
"How can you be so sure?" Olivia asked.
"Because I want the same thing for you," Ed said.
Her big brown eyes looked up at him, taking in the depth of what he'd just said and admitted. That he, Ed Tucker, head of the rat squad, cared for her. It was sudden, sure, after just a few days. But he did.
Slowly, Olivia nodded.
"Okay," she said. "I'll tell him."
"Want to go see if he's out in the living room?" Ed asked. "Might be a better place to have that conversation, don't you think?"
Olivia nodded.
Slowly, Ed helped her out of the middle of the king-sized bed. He handed her a gray hoodie, one of Stabler's, hanging next to the door and she shrugged it on and zipped it up. As they made their way into the living room, Stabler was ducking back in through the window. His knuckles were bloody.
"Everything alright?" Ed asked.
"Fine," Stabler said through grit teeth.
Olivia perched herself on the arm of the couch, clocking Stabler's cuts immediately.
"I think you two need to talk," Ed said, looking between the pair. "Olivia, if you're feeling a little better I'm going to go now. Alright?"
Olivia nodded.
"Thanks for the call, Stabler," Ed said. "Hopefully you two have a peaceful rest of the night."
"Ed," Olivia said, sliding off the arm of the couch and approaching him.
She threw her arms around him and he couldn't help but reciprocate. Ed watched Stabler's eyes go wide.
"Thank you," Olivia whispered to him.
"You're welcome," Ed whispered back. "Now go talk to him. But you need me again and I'll be here, okay?"
Olivia nodded and turned back to the couch and to Stabler.
Ed went to the door to see himself out but gave one more glance over his shoulder. Olivia sat down on the middle couch cushion and was coaxing Stabler to sit down beside her, taking his hand, speaking softly.
He knew it was the right thing to do, sending her back to Stabler, getting them to talk. So why was there an ache in his chest that hurt so damn much?