I stared at the calendar for a new round of spite. It was Tuesday once again and instead of getting ready to take my lovely girlfriend out to the aquarium or amusement park, I was getting ready to attend her memorial. The search had been called even though we had found her gems and a boot by a civilian search team, there was no sign of her body. This filled me with confidence she was still out there, but a lack of results meant we had to stop dedicating so much time to it.

She had marked every Tuesday on her calendar with a little heart signalling she hoped to spend them with me. There were so many Tuesdays we hadn't gotten to yet.

People's confidence had faded. The mayor wanted me to give a speech at an event dedicated to celebrating her sacrifice. From the script his secretary they wanted me to give a eulogy speech, but I couldn't even finish reading it. I was angry I was one of the few that hadn't given up on her. People were fickle. I could forgive the civilians, they had not been through this. I was having a harder time forgiving the heroes that sent flowers and condolences to the Tower. They knew her and still doubted. Raven had been throwing them into Starfire's room after I had a moment of frustration with a bouquet of calla lilies.

I was in there now and while the room smelt as floral as they come, it felt cold and empty as everything was undisturbed. She had straightened it up, likely for date night if we ended up in hers. I almost wish I could see some of her normal clutter of clothes everywhere and products on random surfaces. I wanted this room to show signs it was well lived in by the alien powerhouse.

I had slept in her bed last night thinking it would make me feel less alone, but it didn't change the fact I was.

Where were you, Starfire?

I glared at the cute kitten calendar once more as it felt mocking for what I would have to do tonight.

Batman and other heroes were attending. It was out of respect they said, though I was conflicted with what I felt about them attending. There was supposed to be a moment of silence as the sun set and that felt too symbolic and powerful.

I looked at my face in the mirror on her vanity and I saw I was not holding up well. I did not have my mask on which left the heaviness of my sleep deprivation show. My face looked sunken in and drained. There was no color to give the illusion I was more than what they expected her to be. I looked away and wrapped my arms around the pillow that smelt most like her.

I just needed a little more time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I had dressed in my formal uniform with a slightly longer cape than the one I used for crime fighting. I knew the ceremony was going to be broadcast and the group Mankind would certainly be watching. I had accepted the tv crews offer of make up help for once. I needed to appear strong and confident. Though the makeup artist looked at me with so much pity I almost regretted my choice.

I was to give the first speech and then the rest of my team and other civilians would say their piece. I would set the tone of the event though I was certainly not going to read off of a script. I had read through it and it was too definite, distrustful, final. The make up artist finally left when I looked more like myself in my reflection. I was appreciative she did not force small talk as I had stared at a piece of paper I meant to draft one of my own speeches from.

I was in a daze until an assistant was sent to bring me up. I followed dumbly until I was reunited with my team where it seemed that the makeup crew had also taken their time on them. This week had been hell and we reflected that. I knew that they had a rough time of it as well putting in as many hours as I did and exhausting everyone of our abilities. Raven had been trying to spell but magic with aliens was harder for her. She had not been able to get anything to stick how she wanted. Beast boy had trolled the bay with other marine mammals and went in peak places as a bloodhound. Cyborg had been running all the tech and international assistance. Not to mention everyone else in the Titan network who had done their best. Red Star was here as well and decided to stay a little longer in the Tower. He would give us another week and then return. He had been a shoulder for Beast Boy who went through bouts of apathy or extreme emotion. Raven could not bear it all.

"Are you up to do this, Rob?" Cyborg asked as he noticed my paper was blank.

"I would rather get it over with. I might not stay the whole time." I said giving that as a way of warning. I ahd rode separately so I had that option. There was no point to this. Well I understood the part of this was to give people a chance to mourn. Though there was no reason to mourn unless we had hard evidence otherwise. I rather do my part and head home so I could actually do something productive like figure out what Mankind's next move was. Maybe they had planned out the location and gotten to her first. Nothing was impossible until she was found.

I knew the general public assumed she had vaporized, the whole video looked like a magic trick. She was there and in a flash she wasn't. Me and Red Star were the most stalwart that she could handle a blast like that she had before.

"No one would judge you." Raven said and I knew she would likely also leave early there was too much negativity in the air for her.

"It's not for us. It's for the city." Cyborg reminded us of our duties and I was starting to really see why the Justice League was getting closer and closer to unducting him.

"You're right, I just…" I broke off as I had a signal to leave the back stage area and come forward.

I made my way up to a podium with an array of lights in my face and the press chomping at the bit to get a better camera angle as if my supposed grief would be their big break. There was a teleprompter low enough it was hidden from the public that was gathered behind. I saw a flurry of t shirts and purple balloons that I knew opportunists had been selling.

"Thank you all for coming, as Titans we do what we do for the city, for you the people. Starfire cares for this city and the people here more than most who are born here. Your attendance and support mean a lot and are exactly why we do not hesitate to put ourselves in danger so you are not in that position." I did an opener that I knew was best for overall Titan relationships. My use of present tense was not missed from the gasps I was able to overhear. "Though I do not think this is the time to mourn, I believe today is a chance to remember her fondly. Starfire… I could tell a hundred stories about her heroics, her kindness, or her optimism. She is the light that always pushes away the darkness. She is so incredibly strong and resilient that my faith in her is not misplaced. She loves this city and it's people and I know it is a comfort that the feeling is mutual. She would not hesitate to save us all over again." I had to take a deep breath as my pathos took over. "She is the love of my life and I…hope every moment that she is on her way home. To me, to you, to this city she has considered us her home in a way beyond words. It brings me comfort thinking of all the memories I have of her so far and I hope more are not far off. I hope today does more of the same thinking of what she had accomplished for this city." I decided to speak directly to her since this broadcast was going everywhere. "Starfire…if you ever see this please know we are waiting on you to come home. Please come back." I knew my voice conveyed my desperation, but there was nothing to stop it. "I miss you." If the microphone had not picked up the last part I doubt anyone would of heard me.

I knew that I was at my limit and simply let my body move away to from the stage as I felt multiple hands try to grab me. I kept going solely focused on getting out of the public eye. I jammed home unsteadily as tears unshed through this process came forward. I missed her, I missed my parents, it was just a matter of time to know if the true difference between them was if she would come back.