Author's Note: Hi everyone! This chapter was really fun to write, I hope that it is just as enjoyable to read. Trigger warning: there are minor references to depressive thoughts and suicidal ideation.
"Nothing's Better, Nothing's Worse" Playlist:
1.) Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana, 2.) You Are Alone by The Flaming Lips, 3.) Fake Happy by Paramore, 4.) Lies by The Black Keys, 5.) Miserable Lie by The Smiths, 6.) CITY OF ANGELS by 24kGoldn, 7.) Happy Idiot by TV On The Radio, 8.) New Friends by Maty Noyes, 9.) Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift
The ringing in Courtney's ears was unbearable. All of the contestants were suffering together back on the island. They had managed to recover somewhat from the last challenge, but sure enough, it felt like the season was expedited. Less recovery time between challenges meant more back-to-back suffering at the hands of Chris. This time the suffering came in the form of blaring speakers going off once every minute or so, allowing no one to fall asleep.
It was honestly a relief that everyone would look and act as tired as she was. If one more person mentioned how she was 'different,' she may throw a tantrum that tops any she ever had in the Before.
Another blare was let out through the speakers around camp, shocking her upright. Her head slammed into the trunk she had been leaning against.
"Ow," she let out a yelp, rubbing her scalp. She was ready to hurt someone at this point. And lucky for her, Chris strutted in just as she decided to make someone pay. She wasn't the only one as several other contestants started screaming at him. She sunk back and let her peers take the lead, there was no need for her to add to the chaos.
"So sorry for the delay, I had to get my afternoon nap in," Chris snickered, several shoes were thrown at him. Luckily, a few did hit him. "Hey! That is no way to treat your beloved host. Want me to keep this up all night? Because I can!" Silence followed. "That's what I thought. I love you brats, you always know when to shut up to get what you want."
"Right now, the only thing I want is for you to shut up and get out of my sight," Duncan sneered, pulling out his pocket knife for added effect.
"I'll be taking that," Chef came out of nowhere and yanked the tool out from Duncan's grip. Courtney internally laughed at how little intimidation Duncan maintained around someone of Chef's stature.
"Thank you, Chef. Duncan, may I remind you what you learned in behavioral remediation training? We communicate with words, not violence." Chris slowed down his words, talking to the delinquent like a toddler.
"May I remind you that it would be stupid of you to think I need a weapon for violence?" Duncan ground his teeth together, cracking a few knuckles for added effect.
Owen let out a loud snore with a wretched fart to follow, interrupting the tense moment. He wasn't the only that managed to fall asleep during the interaction. Anyone else who managed to fall asleep woke up to the horrible smell of Owen's gas. Courtney gagged, wishing for some fresh air, or at least as fresh as the recovering island could get.
"God, help me," Noah stuffed his head into his polo. Chef walked over to Chris and took out two clothespins from his apron pocket. He placed one on his nose and one on Chris'. They should put nose plugs on the packing list for this show by this point.
"Thank you Owen for the wake-up call," Chris called out in a nasal voice.
"Now that we've covered our usual banter, let's discuss today's challenge. Or should I say tonight's? You all will be let out into the forest, which is rumored to be haunted," Chris drew out 'haunted' in a sing-song tone, not that anyone believed him with or without the song. "We will be revisiting fan-favorite 'Finders Creepers!' There are a few trophies scattered throughout, but what's most important is that you all make it back. Whichever team has fewer members LOSES. If you both bring back the same amount, oh who am I kidding? I've made sure not all of you will return HAHAHA. So go on my little sleep-deprived kiddos and survive the night!"
"Agh!" Courtney yelped, falling to her knees. Her ankle had been caught in a bear trap; one that had been coated in rubber to cover the spikes but it still hurt like a bitch nonetheless. "Are you fucking kidding me, Chris," She muttered, reaching down to try to pull the trap apart. It wouldn't budge. Her eyes followed the chain attached to the trap. She yanked at it and the chain went tense, meaning it was tied to something. Great.
She fell backward onto her bottom and rubbed at her knees. What was she going to do to get out of this? If she stayed trapped, her team would lose a player. A good player at that. But how was she supposed to tear open a literal bear trap?
"Hello? Anyone out there," She called out in futile efforts, the dark forest echoed back at her. This was honestly a bit frightening. She knew she had nothing to really fear when it came to Chris, her lawyers made sure that at no point in time would her health be put in irreparable risk. Unfortunately, not even a well-negotiated contract can prevent nature's creatures from finding her. She felt a shiver run up her spine, she didn't want to think about what could be crawling on the ground right now. Come on, she didn't have to be afraid. She had her CIT experience. She knew how to safely treat most bites… when she wasn't chained to a tree.
An owl hooted and she began to regret listening to Eva when she suggested they all separate. Why did she have to offer to go off alone and not in a pair? She could have easily gone with Bridgette or Tyler. But no, she chose to go off alone. And now she was all alone in the middle of a dark, haunted forest with no one to help.
With every ounce of regret was an ounce of relief, though. This was genuinely the first time she had been away from everyone for more than 10 minutes. Even the bathroom wasn't safe! Which was problematic in multiple ways for her. At home, she felt her parents–really just her dad's–watchful eyes, but they still kept their distance. She could retreat to her room as soon as she got home from school. Here, there was no escape. And having to always be on was exhausting.
She thought that by coming here and acting like her old self meant she would become the Before her once more; now that she's been here a little over a week, she was starting to doubt if that were true. She had already been questioned by multiple of her peers. Clearly, no one was buying that she was the same as Before. She fell onto her back, ignoring her qualms about what could be out here. She needed to rest.
She stared up through the trees. The starry sky began to blur and she realized that she had started crying. She raised a hand to her cheek, unsure of when the tears had started. This was it. This was as different as her daily life could get and it still wasn't enough to give her something to want. It was like every second of the Now was wishing for After to never come. Not in the sense that she wanted to stay in the present, but that she wanted everything to cease. Herself included.
It had been many, many months of taking medication, her dosages had been increased twice now. Nothing was changing. If this was how life was with treatment, would that mean she'd need it forever? Granted, her therapist warned her that she may see adverse effects of stopping her therapy sessions for the show. But it was this bad to begin with. Nothing had gotten worse except her realizing that this was her Now regardless of where she existed.
She began to sob silently, letting the sounds of the forest wash out any pitiful noise that she was making. God, she hoped no cameras were around. She didn't belong here. There was nowhere she wanted to be. There was nowhere that needed her. What was she doing here?
"Courtney," A strained voice called out to her, shocking her from her pity fest. She quickly blinked away any remaining tears and used her sleeves to wipe her face dry. She needed to get it together. It was stupid of her to ever assume she was alone here. She would never be alone, especially now that her parents knew her mental state. There was no escape.
She looked up and watched the contestant rush to her, dropping to their knees. The moonlight shone against their eyes. Blue eyes. Duncan. Of course, it had to fucking Duncan to find her look like a total loser. He had dropped to his knees beside her, his face made her want to gag. It was full of pity, pity she didn't need from anyone, especially him.
"What's wrong," His voice cracked. "Why are you crying?"
If she didn't know better, she might actually think he was concerned for her. She huffed, sitting up. "Why do you think, Duncan," she snarked and gestured obviously to her trapped ankle. "It hurts." She lied, it didn't hurt. It felt more like a hairband that was too tight for her wrist than anything else.
"I'll pretend I believe that for now," Duncan snapped back, matching her rude tone. "But only because I'm not going to lose another challenge in a row."
"There's no way for me to get out, I already tried," She explained after he knelt down by her ankle.
"Nah, princess, you can get out of this easy with a little help." He sent a smirk over her way as if she should be impressed. "Lean up here and press that spring as close to the trap as possible, and I'll do this side."
She rolled her eyes and crunched forward to do as he said. He was able to push his side easily, but her side was a different story. The little upper body strength she had left went to good use and with both of their efforts, she watched the springs release the jaws of the trap.
"How did you know to do that," Courtney asked in questionable awe.
Duncan shrugged, "I've found myself in many a trap in my day, this is nothing compared to getting out of barbed wire." He reached down and began massaging her irritated ankle.
"Oh yeah, that was a pretty nasty scar you had left from that incident," Courtney remembered the nasty scar he had on the backside of his right thigh. It took forever to fade back to his skintone but still was raised skin.
"Nasty or badass?" He wiggled his eyebrow(s?).
That was enough to shock her out of her drained state and back to reality. A reality that involved Duncan's calloused hands rubbing her injured ankle. She yanked her leg from his grip. "Nasty, don't be proud of your stupidity." She wasn't going to acknowledge that she just let him touch her. Or that she felt warm. Or that she was having feelings at all at this moment. Normally, she would be happy about having any feelings at all but having feelings as a result of Duncan was nothing to celebrate.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He waved her off. He stood up wiping the dirt from his knees. "Can you get up?"
"Yes, I can get up. Who do you think I am?" Courtney shot back defiantly, attempting to stand up. As soon as she put any weight on her ankle, she felt intense pain.
Duncan lurched forward and slid his arms underneath her armpits to keep her up. "I think you're someone with an extremely swollen, bruised, and probably sprained ankle. You definitely shouldn't put any weight on it right now."
Courtney couldn't speak. He was right there, less than a foot from her face. His blue eyes darkened as he scrutinized her. Luckily, he wasn't looking at her but instead down at her–indeed, very swollen–ankle. She swallowed her nerves and spoke up, this time it was her voice that cracked, "Well, what am I supposed to do?"
Duncan pursed his lips, obviously thinking. It was a relief he was giving legitimate thought to her injury instead of his stupid, usual remarks. He stepped back, turning his back to her. "You're gonna have to hop on."
Courtney scrunched up her nose in disgust. "Hop on?"
"Yeah, princess. I'm your chariot for tonight. Just shut your trap and hop on my back, it'll be easier than carrying you bridal style for me." Duncan started to sound annoyed.
"Okay, okay." Courtney reluctantly agreed, she raised the injured ankle and that leg along with it. Duncan slid his hand behind her thigh so she could hoist herself onto his back without putting any unnecessary pressure onto the injury. This was weird, the two hadn't shared a positive touch in years. With his help, she easily was able to get onto his back. His hands slid slowly from her thighs to behind her knees. Courtney was going to ignore the trail of warmth he left. "Just don't drop me," She yelled to break herself from whatever intimacy was in that moment.
"God, I'm right here, don't yell into my fucking ear!" Duncan recoiled. "And I'm not going to drop you, you're light as hell. Too light, and if this were a different moment I'd be grilling you on that."
Courtney felt her face get hot. She didn't think about how heavy or light she'd be to him. This was bad. He knew how much she weighed–or at least, how heavy she felt–before, he would easily catch on to her weight loss. Visually, she could hide it outside of the diving challenge, but here, there was no hiding now.
"Whatever," She huffed. She leaned her head back to look at the stars, they really were breathtaking. Maybe that's what made her cry. It wasn't, but she could pretend that it was just as easily as she pretended it was her ankle. Admitting the real reasons just meant more problems. Things were easier Before because she didn't address such draining feelings.
Instead of the stars blurring, it felt like they were glowing. In fact, one that was pretty low felt like it was glinting. It felt unnatural, almost as if it wasn't a star. "Wait!" Courtney yelled.
"Jesus fucking Christ, what did I just tell you about yelling in my ear?"
"I think I see a souvenir!" She ignored his whining and leaned forward. She pointed to a branch ahead of them. Now that they were nearing the tree it had become clear that a gold figurine was definitely in the tree.
The camera hidden in the hole beside the souvenir caught the two of them nearing it. It would also catch Duncan staring at the side of Courtney's face while she leaned forward past his shoulder. It looked like an intimate moment, but it felt nothing like Before.
Duncan shook his head and turned his attention upwards. They had made it to the tree harboring the souvenir. "I guess I'm gonna have to climb it."
He squatted lower so Courtney could dismount, wincing as she leaned a little too much on her injured ankle as she did so. She lowered herself into a sitting position and watched as he hopped from branch to branch. His agileness was evident. He was perfectly attuned to his surroundings, a skill she knew he picked up over the years of juvenile behavior. He stretched his arm out and managed to grab onto the gold figurine.
"Got it," he shouted triumphantly, grinning down at her. He began to make his way down. He was going too quickly, showing off like an idiot.
"You're going to get hurt, slow down!"
"Aw, are you worried about me?" Duncan teased, he hopped down from the last branch. His feet landed on some leaves and he slipped backward. He slammed onto his ass.
Courtney broke out into hysterical laughter, clenching at her sides. What an idiot! He made it to the ground safely but still managed to fall. "I told you so," She giggled, getting much enjoyment about being right.
"Haha, very funny." Duncan groaned, rubbing his head as he sat upright. "You're laughing a little too hard for someone who needs my help to get back to camp."
Courtney finally managed to calm down. When was the last time she laughed like that? It felt like this night had been packed full of progress for her, but it all felt tainted since it was attached to Duncan. She wished she had found this before coming on the show, then she wouldn't have been so desperate for change. She felt the smile slip from her face. What if she lost this progress in the After? What if these moments were flukes? Worse, what if her progress directly correlated to her interactions with Duncan? No, she wouldn't let it. After all, he's partly to blame for how she got in this state.
She shouldn't do that. Her therapist told her she shouldn't attribute where she was to others. That would lead to worse feelings and spite. 'Fuck that shit' is what Courtney thought when she had been told to stop blaming others. She wanted to tell her therapist that she was allowed to blame her ex-boyfriend for cheating, which made her question her worth, which made her start her weight loss efforts (she would never mention that to her therapist), which made her isolate herself from others. Sure, she's had trouble being happy her entire life, but depressive episodes were triggered. She hasn't left this one since. If there was no end, there was no episode. It was just her existence. An existence she didn't want to partake in anymore.
"What, what just happened," Duncan cried to her, falling beside her. "You were just laughing a second ago, and now– now you look miserable."
Because she felt miserable. She couldn't even enjoy the good moments without spiraling to the next bad one. Duncan may have helped start whatever her Now is, but she hated herself for prolonging it. Why couldn't she just stop thinking?
"I'm not, just in pain," Courtney reused her earlier excuse, hoping he'd drop it.
"Stop fucking lying to me. I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid. Tell me what's going on," He crossed his legs, communicating with his body that the two weren't going anywhere anytime soon–especially since he's Courtney's means of transportation at the moment.
"I'm not lying, my ankle hurts."
"Yeah, I can see that. But that's not all that's going on. Before you got this injury, you've been off. I know I approached you in the wrong way on stage, but it's just you and me now. What's happening? What happened?"
"Duncan, trust me when I say this." Courtney looked him dead in the eye. "A lot has happened and a lot is going on, but you are the last person I would ever talk to about this."
She meant it. He didn't get to be an asshole to her for years and then be nice behind the scenes. She was so used to him changing entirely whenever the cameras were around. He would be so amazing when it was just the two of them. He'd make her feel safe. But it was all a lie. Nothing was safe. Nothing was real. Everyone was just putting on a show to appease those they found important. And she had no one left. No one she wanted to perform for.
Duncan looked hurt, she didn't believe it. He was a natural-born actor. "So, that's it? You're just gonna keep acting this way until this is over."
"I'm not acting in any way. Sorry for reacting to hurting my ankle and being trapped out here in a haunted forest in the pitch black. This isn't my ideal Friday night. Now, can we just go back?"
"I can go back," Duncan stood up. "But it seems to me that you're not going anywhere without my help." He looked down at her, a mean glint in his eye. There were his true colors.
"Are you kidding me?"
"Nah, I'm dead serious, babe." He leaned back against a tree. "Here's the deal, I've given you time to think over my alliance offer. You accept it, I'll help you back. You don't? I leave you here and you hope you don't cost us the win by not returning; because if you do, I can promise you, you'll be the one going home."
"Wow, and you seemed so concerned two minutes ago," Courtney deadpanned.
"I am fucking concerned, Courtney! But you sit there and make me out to be this bad guy, and I can't keep trying to reach out to you! I tried on All-Stars. I tried on stage. I tried in the bathroom. I fucking tried two fucking seconds ago! How can I not try, when you look like that? God, you just - you're beautiful, you are, but you look tired and empty. Before, it was like you filled up the room. People noticed as soon as you arrived, but now you seem so unsure and do everything quietly. Even when you were ordering us around, it was like a tenth of how you used to order me around. I've never seen you like this. Or maybe I have and it just was never this bad or I was too dumb to notice. But I'm noticing now! You keep pushing me away. I'm not trying to get in your fucking pants, I'm trying to be your fucking ally. Even with whatever shit is going on with you, I can tell that something is different. It just feels like you're here and you're going to give it your all. And I want that on my side. If I can't have you on my side, that means you're against me. I'm not sure if I can beat that right now, especially after seeing how easily swayed our teammates were last week. So, I'm gonna ask you again: will you be in an alliance with me?"
Silence ensued. Courtney let it fill the space between them. Unsure if he was really done with his monologue. It seemed he was forming a habit of talking at her instead of with her. Maybe she wasn't someone people could talk with anymore. It always took her therapist several tries to get her to talk. She waited for a few more beats and was sure that he was done with his outburst.
Leave it to Duncan to taint any sincerity with a foul mouth, Courtney thought to herself. Logistically, she didn't have much of a choice. She wasn't going to say no to the alliance, but she wasn't sure about saying yes either. Right now, she needed a way back to camp to ensure her immunity this week.
"You don't have to be so vulgar," She huffed, choosing to ignore the intimate moment the two shared. What was she supposed to say to the rest of that? She didn't have an answer to why she was 'tired' and 'empty.' Her therapist and psychiatrist stuck a label on it, but even with that, she didn't see any change. How was she supposed to sum up what was wrong with her when she couldn't even see the beginning and end to it. Being stuck in the Now was why she was this way. Never getting to stop Afters from arriving was why she was this way. Being trapped and never able to return to Before was why she was this way. How could she possibly explain any of this to him when even licensed professionals failed to get it? She couldn't. But she could appease him for the time being. "And fine, we can be in an alliance. But that's not just a verbal thing, I'm expecting you to help get me to the end. If you do that, I'll do the same."
It felt like some sort of sick irony that it was Duncan granting her immunity.
"You got a deal, Princess." Duncan grinned, he looked happy. Maybe that's what she looked like jumping from one extreme emotion to another. He turned around and knelt for her, "Your chariot awaits."
They made it back in time, barely. Turns out both of them are still as directionally challenged as they were in the first season of this show. Though, Courtney would never admit she was wrong about which direction the base was. They were the last of their team to make it back, excluding Sadie and Katie. Luckily, the absence of two members didn't hurt them as the only people from the Gopher team back were Heather, Gwen, and Noah. Everyone turned to stare at Duncan and Courtney upon their arrival. Both of them had mud smudges in several places from their falls. Their hair equally as disheveled, falling in a disgusting forest meant they were bound to walk–or, in Courtney's case, carried–out looking rough.
"Oh my god," Heather guffawed. "What is it with you two and forests? Every time you go in one, you come out together."
"I said it before, and I'll say it again, the lady just can't keep her hands off me." Duncan winked.
Courtney gagged visibly. "You're lucky I can't kick you right now." How is it so easy for him to joke about what they were? Any time she thought of what they were she spiraled into a self-deprecation pit. Given she's already in 'just survive' mode, she couldn't risk going there.
"You're injured?" Gwen noticed Courtney's swollen ankle, stepping forward to the two of them. This was awkward for Courtney. She didn't like being around Duncan, but she especially hated being around Duncan and Gwen. For obvious reasons.
"Yeah, but it'll be fine." Courtney waved her off. "Just need to keep as much weight off it as possible until the swelling goes down."
"Let me help you to the nurse's tent," Gwen offered, the nurse's tent being Chef treating them in a nurse's outfit. It really is questionable how Chris made Chef wear these outfits, long ago the contestants took bets on the nature of the relationship. Courtney couldn't think of either of them in an intimate setting, so she refrained from such childish discourse.
"That's really not necessary," Courtney quickly turned the offer down. The two were on good terms, but her mental health is too volatile to be around these two for a prolonged period. "Duncan, can you just drop me off at the tent?"
"Sure thing."
"Woah, woah, woah, campers! Hold your horses," Chris appeared, strolling in with a devious smile. "I see that the number of you who survived the night in the haunted forest is rather small. Gophers! What happened? You had a HUGE advantage in terms of numbers for this challenge and still somehow showed up short. I'm shocked, I'm disappointed, but, most of all, I'm freaking proud. Proud of my genius work, that trapped almost an entire team in the haunted forest!"
"What do you mean," Tyler asked, he also looked like he had a rough time in the forest.
Noah rolled his eyes, "What do you think? Three-quarters of our team isn't here still."
"Right you are, our favorite smartass," Chris shouted over Noah. "Bring 'em out, Chef."
Chef came out of the forest followed by 7 Gopher members and Katie and Sadie. Everyone was covered with sandy muck from their chest down. For the shorter contests, like Sadie and Cody, it was up to their neck.
"Lindsay got stuck in quicksand again," Trent sighed. "A lotttt of us tried to help."
"It was like craaazy, I couldn't even lift my legs! And my boots are like totally ruined," Lindsay cried.
"How did so many of you get stuck," Gwen asked.
"Yes!" Chris laughed. "Tell us!"
"Lindsay, want to tell them what happened?" Trent prompted her, annoyance obvious in his tone. The rest of the contestants had equally annoyed expressions.
"O-M-G, it was like insane. So, Owen came up with the great idea to use a rope to pull us out and sooo many people were helping. It was just me and the music guy-"
"Trent! It's Trent, Lindsay! How many times do I have to tell you?" Trent shouted, interrupting her.
"Sheesh, I knew that! But everyone knows you as the music guy, duhhh. Just like everyone knows me as the pretty girl. Anyway, as I was saying, Owen was gonna pull us out with the help of the others, and I was holding onto the rope but then you won't guess what I noticed… It was horrible! A hangnail! I've come on this show for like so many seasons, and I've always maintained proper cuticle care. But here I am, with a hangnail! So, obviously, I freaked out and I have like crazy strength–it's cause I do these killer arm workouts, you don't even need any weights! And I yanked the rope back to my face to get a closer look at my nails and I kinda pulled everyone in. But it wasn't all my fault! Owen pushed people in two when I yanked it."
"Lindsay, you know you're very sweet." LeShawna exhaled. "But there isn't a single chance of you staying after the shit you pulled."
The Gophers echoed her sentiments.
"Guys! Nooo, I'm like a really good player and I always support the team! I even brought my cheer uniform!"
"We could keep her for that," Owen giggled. Duncan laughed, Courtney kicked his thigh with the back of her heel.
"God, I've said it before, but you kids make great television." Chris was bent over in laughter. "And you know what's great, we got all that on tape! Can't wait to watch every single one of you fall into that pit. I knew making it bigger would pay off."
"You know, I think this actually was a great exfoliant for my skin. It feels like butter!" Justin began wiping off some of the guck from his arm, in awe of his skin's smoothness. "But, I'm with LeShawna. Can we hurry along to the elimination ceremony?"
"No!" Tyler shouted, rushing forward to Lindsay. The two shared a passionate kiss. Courtney averted her gaze as Duncan wolf-whistled. Tyler and Lindsay leaned their foreheads together and he began muttering something to her.
"Let's go to the nurse's tent now." Courtney nudged Duncan. She felt awkward intruding in on such a personal moment.
"Probably a sprain, just stay off it for a couple of days," Chef grunted, tossing a pair of crutches next to Courtney's bedside.
She had Duncan drop her off and demand he leave. When he wouldn't leave from her asking, she promptly told him he stunk of sweat and should shower immediately. Leaving her alone in the tent once Chef left.
These beds felt nicer, like her body sunk into it a bit instead of laying against what felt like a hard slab of wood. She stared up at the white roof of the tent, the material flapping a bit from the wind. It was a nice change of pace from the rest of the day, or night actually. She hoped they'd have another break between challenges for her ankle to heel and for her sleep schedule to return somewhat to normal. Knowing Chris, that probably wasn't going to happen.
Her body felt heavy, completely drained of any energy. Something was relieving about the experience. She felt she may have a chance at sleeping well. It had been a while since she slept through the night, always seeming to wake up in the middle of the night and not able to get back to sleep. It sucked watching the sunrise and knowing any chance at more rest was gone. She closed her eyes and let any sound drift away.
"Hey," a voice rang close to her. This was a horrible theme of this season. People can't read social cues. If someone looks like they're going to sleep, let them go to sleep!
"Yes?" Courtney cracked an eye open to see Gwen standing awkwardly at the entrance of the tent. Maybe everyone here just has stunted social skills due to being on camera so much of their teenage lives.
Gwen sat down on the empty bed beside Courtney's. "How are you doing?"
"Fine." She wished people would stop asking her that question, especially when she knows they couldn't handle the answer. "I just have to limit the weight I put on my ankle for a bit, but I don't think it's anything that will last more than two or three days."
"That's good to hear," Gwen responded. A couple of beats passed, Courtney guessed Gwen expected another response. She didn't have one to give. "Well, I thought I should talk to you since we kinda ended on an awkward moment with All-Stars."
"Oh, we're good." Courtney hoped that meant she would drop it. As much as she wanted to believe the relationships she formed on this show meant something, she never believed it. Besides Duncan, she never maintained contact with anyone here. And no one maintained contact with her either. There was no reason to reopen old wounds that wouldn't exist in a few weeks from now.
"We are? Because I really do want us to be friends."
"We are."
"Awesome, is there anything you need?" Gwen stood up already seemingly making her exit
"No." Courtney rolled her eyes internally at the empty offer.
"Feel better!" Gwen smiled and exited the tent. It wasn't just Gwen that pursued one-sided conversations. Pretty much everyone did, herself included. Everyone wanted this to be as easy as a process as possible. That's why she allied with Tyler. And why Heather allied with Courtney. They all just wanted to limit the suffering and awkwardness of this experience to a minimum.
"Ugh, I thought she'd never leave," Heather swung the tent entrance open, her hair flipping back with the wind.
"Uh, hello?" Courtney just wanted to sleep for Christ's sake.
"Hey, we need to talk. With this many eliminations, we have to start getting serious about how we're going to use this alliance to get us to the final two." Heather placed her hands on her hips. "To be completely honest with you, I'm worried. People are eliminating others so, so, logically. Soon enough they may start asking themselves who is hardest to beat."
"That's true. When do you think we will have to start worrying about that?"
"Well, in the first season you got rid of Eva because she was a threat and that was so early in the season. So, I've been thinking about who we should get out next. And as a treat for you, and all of us, I say we get out Duncan."
"Duncan?" Courtney repeated back.
"Yeah, he's been so annoying as always. And as much as I hate to admit it, he is a substantial threat. There's no telling what he brought with him to help along the way and for some reason he always manages to get far." Heather huffed, she leaned forward into Courtney's face. "Plus, imagine how nice it would be to watch him leave first."
"That would be nice," Courtney laughed. Shit, she just agreed to his dumb alliance. How was she gonna avoid this blowing up in her face? "But, on the other hand, I think we need to focus on eliminating wild cards."
Heather scoffed, "You'd rather get other people out over Duncan?"
"It's not that I'd rather do anything. I'm just thinking about what's going to keep the focus off of us the longest. As you said, people are making thoughtful decisions this season. We should capitalize on that, and avoid making mistakes ourselves."
"That sounds boring."
"True, but with it being this early on in the season I think we should stay defensive. When numbers dwindle we can focus on getting people out one-by-one." Courtney reasoned with her.
"Fine, but you're acting weird."
"What? No, I'm not," Courtney waved off the worry.
Heather made her way to leave, "Yes, you are. Be careful around Duncan, he's done nothing but hurt you in the past." And with that, she left.
Heather was wrong. At least Courtney thought she was. Duncan didn't matter to her now, nothing mattered in her Now. She didn't think she could hurt any more than she already did.
Author's Note: If you or your loved ones are having suicidal thoughts, please please please reach out to someone. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at (800)-273-8255. If you are interested in supporting prevention efforts, please check out the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention for ways to get involved.
I have drawn a fanart of a moment in this chapter. Please take a look at my tumblr-uncorrelatedideas-to see it. As always, favorite and review!
With much much support,
RCR