Waking up in my bed without an idea of how I got here was starting to get old. I had over done my powers and gotten crossfaded with the alcohol. I would have been more worried or stressed if I did not know Starfire would have protected me. Reliance and trust were things I tried to build in myself not others, but I knew from finding myself tucked in and a locked door Starfire had weaseled those things out of me. It sucked. Trust lead to betrayal 7 out of 10 times in my career path. I was not happy about it, but it just was.

"Starfire." I called since I did not feel fully ready to stand on my own. I did not feel her behind me, but I assumed she would come if I needed her through the window or something. She did not come. "Koriand'r." I tried a little louder thinking about her real name might be more recognizable. Maybe she was really far away. "Koriand'r!"

She appeared in my window, but there was no smile or words of welcome. She opened it up and climbed in taking in my half leg out of bed and sighing. She was in jean shorts and a dirty tank top with what looked like metal dust. She lifted me out of bed and set me down. Though she was less gentle more jarring than normal.

"What the fuck." I said since she was more careful normally.

"Jinx, I am in the middle of something. If you are not able to stand you require more rest." She said though she did move me out into the living room, practically throwing me on the couch before disappearing into Gizmo's workshop. What had crawled into her ass.

"Oh, so she is pissed at you too. I was feeling special for second." Seemore said as he watched the exchange from the kitchen.

"Hey, take my advice dude, when a woman acts like that give her space." Billy said voicing his well earned knowledge of dealing with one woman who had to be part saint if she was still with him. I lowkey wanted to ask her some questions.

"What happened?" I asked trying to get to what had ticked her off. I was typically exempt from her moods so I was curious if I had said or done something after I had faded out.

"You passed out and cock blocked her. Then the Titans decided to catch Johnny as he was on a post concert Joyride. So now she's pissed and is aggressively welding in Gizmo's lab. So far only Mammoth is the only one who hasn't gotten the stink eye." Seemore said providing plenty of information.

"Gross, Rancid can do better." I said even though I didn't mean it that way. It was gross he would take advantage of her like that and gross Starfire was actually interested. I had not intentionally gotten messed up, but I was grateful I had for her sake. Rancid would just be disappointing and tell everyone.

"She's been starting random fires all morning so Kyd Wykkyd put her to good use building Gizmo's new mech suit." Billy said and pointed to a cabinet that had been part of the destruction.

" I bet he's thrilled." I said and then felt dizzy again so I let myself slump on the couch.

"We need to use her to the fullest." Kyd Wykkyd said coming down from the rafters on the ceiling. He did not say anything else, but tossed me a granola bar. It hit me in the nose and I whined.

"Mhmm I intend to." Seemore said and he also got a granola bar to the nose with a great deal more force behind it.

"Starfire you should eat something." I said as I finally felt well enough to confront her. It was true she was worse on an empty stomach. It hadn't sat right with me her tone and obvious annoyance directly towards me. I didn't want it to continue and while the boys were quick to blame it on my cockblocking, I doubted she was this strung out on a dude that she met literally once.

"Eye gear, bitch." Gizmo shouted as I opened the door to open welding flash burning my eyes slightly. I turned to grab some of the welding helmets since she was actively welding. He was wearing his own helmet and she was of course wearing nothing, but the limited clothes from earlier. She was welding with her fingers and a rod of wire.

"She can take a break once she's done with this sheet." Gizmo shouted and turned back to whatever he was laying out. He was normally super stressed when other people were messing in his lab besides Seemore. He seemed chill and I wasn't sure if it was a reflection of his fear or her quality of work.

Though I know the project was supposed to take him another week and he was looking much more close to done than expected. He also used a pronoun instead of an insult so maybe he had been spared from her mind by giving her an outlet.

I hoped my offering of Dino nuggets and fries would be enough to appease her stomachs. I didn't want tension to linger in the house. It would just lead to my headache extending.

Starfire on the other hand seemed completely engrossed in the task before her. She kept her lines straight and had her tongue sticking out slightly in concentration. When she finally finished attaching the piece she automatically went for the next piece before Gizmo called out to her.

"Kori, take a snack break I don't want you to get sloppy!"

"Anything's better than yours!" she hollered back, but she did stand fully up and notice I was in the room. She gave me a nod, but no words. Gizmo noticed this and decided he did not want any part.

"Hey take your snacks outside! I don't need any of the wrong type of grease on my new toy." He said giving a wave to get our attention on him before pointing to the door that led outside. Luckily she took the first step and I could follow. She had dirty hands so she tipped the plate and ate that way. She was about to walk back in without us having a talk when I put my arm out showing I wanted to keep her here without actually touching her.

"The boys think you're mad since I cockblocked you by fainting last night." I said just wanting to clear the air.

"Cockblock? That's a new word for me." She said though her curiosity wasn't in her tone.

"It means what it sounds like." I said not really wanting to break down the mechanics. "I wasn't planning on it."

"I know, I'm not mad I took you home instead of staying. I would not have felt right abandoning you, even among 'friends'." I was medium levels of proud she used air quotes correctly. "Jinx, I am not mad at you. I am just mad. It will be short lived- like myself." Her pause caught my attention.

"What do you mean?" I asked short lived could mean her stay was temporary like her mood or something worse.

"It means what it sounds like." She said throwing my words back at me. She was still being rude. "I don't know when it will happen, but it will be soon." Now I knew she meant plainly. She was dying and wasn't taking it gracefully.

"I thought you were doing just fine with the blood loss as long as you were eating and getting enough sun." It was not a complete surprise. Though still left something twist in my chest.

"It bought me more time, but my body is growing tired of regenerating blood only to have it drip into my eyes. It would be different if…" She cut off and shot a starbolt into the sand creating glass shards from the heat. I jumped back.

"Kori?" She had tears running down her face. A starbolt back in her hand.

"I'm wasting what time I have left…" She said and crumpled to the ground grabbing her knees and I saw that the blood flow increased with her distress. I could see her cracks finally splitting her open and vulnerable.

"It's okay, it's okay." I was shit at comforting women. "Mammoth!" I said hoping he would be better able to help her since I wasn't sure I could hug her willingly. I didn't initiate hugs.

"I don't want to die." I heard her sob and Gizmo walked out the door to see what was going on.

"Oh fuck." He said and then I heard rushed thudding footsteps of Mammoth coming out and he did not hesitate to scoop her up.

"So is she actually dying or just having a moment?" Billy asked as he had not witnessed her breakdown but still heard her cries come from Mammoth's room.

" She believes she's dying." I confirmed with crossed arms.

"With the shard remaining in her head it is inevitable. Though we have no way to take it out." Kyd Wykkyd said as he maintained his composure as always. "She is dying and it must be more obvious to her now."

"Damn." Billy said though I caught that he was conflicted. "Mammoth is going to be bummed."

"He'll get over it, we need to capitalize on what she can do before she bites the dust." Seemore said looking at the door and then writing something down on his paper in front of him.

"Cold." Gizmo said at his statement.

"Do you think any differently?" Seemore defended himself.

"Not at all. Maybe we can collect the bounty on her body once she kicks it." Gizmo added wood on the fire of the discussion.

"Man, we need to plan to hit the jewelry store stat. I ain't buying anything with cash unless I have to." Billy said and I found that I was not instantly coming to mind with a place I wanted her to steal or favor I needed from her. If she was just going to die, it made more sense just to cut ties so I was less affected.

"We can probably talk her into one hit each." Seemore said jotting more things down.

It would be weird after she was gone as she had rapidly shifted the dynamics. Time to book a vacation to not deal with the fallout. Mammoth would be a mess and I would once again be the only woman, only person picking on Seemore, only person that would feel regret at finding her. This was my fault. If I had never found her the Titans would have. She probably would of gotten so hero healing jumbo. She wouldn't be dying and bawling her eyes out right now.

Gizmo ended up getting first dips as they were raiding a Star labs facility nearby. It had immediate Titan dispatch so we had hesitated in the past, but now the Titans were a joke. Unless you were Johnny or the other joke villains.

The Titans seemed a little more prepared this time around since they knew our new member was dangerous. Beast Boy and Cyborg tried to use teamwork to knock her out early, but Beast Boy became a shield which put them at a stand by. Gizmo and Seemore were left with the task of raiding all the tech since they understood what it was. Wykkyd and I were on escape route detail and Billy and Mammoth were on diversion. Though in all honesty rouge Starfire was just the best diversion needed. She was now charging and grabbing as many Titans as possible before launching everyone out of the 7th story. Though it left Raven which was a bit of an issue.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos." Her spell range out clear as materials started to encircle us like a trap. I sent one of my calculated hexes on the ceiling tiles above her head which broke her concentration enough for Mammoth to take the offense throwing everything that would crush her. I took a moment to see what was happening below .

To my surprise a familiar redhead wearing yellow had come as back up. It had been the first time since our break up we had been on opposite sides of the battle field. I didn't want to fight him. He had done plenty of nice things, but I also knew he would not hesitate throwing me in jail anymore. I wanted to have a moment alone to catch up, but that would be impossible.

Starfire was floating just out of his reach and continued her barrage of pennies we had given her so she could repeat her barrage like at the bank. It was a good blanket of defense and caused Beast boy and Cyborg to take cover. Kid Flash was trying to do a coordinated attack with Wonder Girl of lassoing her and him most likely reeling her in. I fubbed his plan with a deep pothole emerging out of nowhere. She noticed my attack and took advantage by throwing him into the nearby ocean. There was a mix of concern and amusement at seeing him fly, but he wasn't my problem anymore.

She was doing just fine so I worked on falsifying an alternate route for them to follow us even though we would teleport out. I rotted out the walls that lead to the other side of the building. I was hoping the boys would distract Raven long enough.

Though I was I heard two yells as she pushed them out the hole Starfire made. Seemore came in clutch with a new magic dampening bubble and a full duffle bag full of tech.

"Go." Kyd Wykkyd said and opened a portal for us. I walked in and did not look back as it closed prematurely.

"While I do find fighting Titans fun, they will not be much to play with after our last attack." Starfire complained as she took off her mask to clean the blood that had fallen onto her face. Fighting had been the outlet she needed.

"Exactly, but c'mon Candy, I need to get my girl a new diamond ring. Don't you want some for yourself. Pretty please with cherries on top." Billy said and multiplied so she was surrounded by a begging mob.

"I am a fan of diamonds, but I do not agree with theft." She said and stretched out her back. It was obvious she was down for the heist, but was interested in maintaining her own standards before going. We rarely did heists back to back, I doubted certain members stamina, but if she was doing much of the muscle work and we were shopping it would be doable.

"Mammoth any thoughts on where you want to strike?" Seemore asked since his turn was already used up with the lab.

"The mall." I tried to hide the eye roll her deserved. He just wanted to steal a food cart and a bunch of games.

"Kyd Wykkyd any thoughts?" Gizmo tried to get our nearly silent roommate to contribute.

"The prison." He said and then walked over to Starfire before getting locked in some sort of staring contest with her.

"Damn that's a good idea." Seemore chimed in. If we used her to destroy the prison it would be chaos for days and they would have no where to put us. It would be unfeasible to us, but she was a wrecking ball without premade suppressors.

"Lets save that for last, in case any of us gets caught." I said though I was not really worried about that. None of us had been arrested since she developed the no man left behind policy.

"Jinx any ideas?" Mammoth asked. It was kind of odd to be talking about this in front of her. Though we had framed it like a bucket list. After an explanation and agreeing to actually store the list in a bucket she agreed to go along with our whims in exchange for us taking care of her.

"I wouldn't mind hijacking a jet. Never done that before." I threw out, but I wasn't really feeling like it. I felt like the movie had been spoiled, no matter what we did the girl would die in the end. She would die for nothing and betraying everyone she had loved in these three years.

"Nice." Gizmo said and then Kyd Wykkyd released Starfire from their staring match. He knew more than he let on. Nothing new.

"I do not understand why diamonds are so small on Earth." Starfire said as she laid on the couch and rifled through the stolen goods. She was recovering, while our last fight had been successful, she had not made it completely unscathed. They had called in the Russian. He was a near match for her strength and he could fly. He got a couple good hits in and she had landed wrong where her shard was pushed wrong.

She was now blind. The shard had cut something off in her brain. She had lashed out at everything around her and destroyed an entire block, subdued the Russian Titan, but she was now her timeline was much shorter. Her bleeding was going strong and the house was like a bakery in smell. We had only gotten her to calm down by the sound of my voice. Though every sound was now frightening.

XXX

"How do humans die?" She asked as Mammoth had carried us both back home since my voice speaking to her had worked. I did not enjoy coming home this way, but Kyd Wykkyd had fled early. Bastard had too much self-preservation.

"Like everyone else, you live, you die." I was not handling this well, but it was a tough situation. She had freaked me out yelling in French she could not see. Her eye beams had burnt through her mask as she tried, but her vision was not blocked by her eyes. Her brain was isolating her from her most important sense as the shard slid.

"I meant after." She clarified and gave my hand a directed squeeze. "What do humans do after they die?"

"They go to heaven." Mammoth answered once again reminding me he had only been fed answers like a child so it was not his fault he repeated them.

"Humans are buried in the ground or cremated. We have little stones called graves used to commemorate them." I provided as the way to show her a mental picture. She technically had a memorial stone already from the city.

"In the ground, interesting." She said though her eyes appeared displeased.

"How do Tamaranians die?" I asked since maybe it would be something we could do to ease her fear.

"We die in battle so not everyone is given the same treatment, but most Tamaranians are flown into the gravity of our star, Vega so they can become one with her. We can honor our comrades by appreciating Vega's light." Corpses thrown at the sun kind of seemed more badass than being one with the mud.

"That sounds beautiful, Koriand'r." I said since that was what I felt.

"Unfortunately, that will not be my end. No one knows I am here, I am sure my people already believe me dead. It makes sense I die like a human if I have lived upon them so long." She sounded calm like those deep breaths I had made her take were finally kicking in.

"I'm sorry." I said since those were the words on my tongue. It was surprising I actually meant them. I was sorry I found her. I was sorry I had robbed her of time left with her loved ones. I was sorry she was dying. I was sorry for myself that I would miss her.

XXXXX

"Jinx, catch." Starfire said and threw a charm bracelet in my general direction. I had to lean greatly forward to catch it. Though the sound of the charms brought me back to the present.

"It's not really her style." Seemore said and he was right.

"She walks the lightest next to Kyd Wykkyd, I do not want her surprising me." She explained and shook the bag so it made twinkle noises. Ah I see she was putting a bell on me like a housecat that would get up to mischief. I would be offended if I thought it was for anything besides my own safety.

"All this work has made me hungry. Is everyone okay with pizza?" Billy said and I saw that the boys were exchanging looks.

"Pepperoni." Mammoth order while there were nods from everyone else.

"Mammoth, bud why don't you go order." Billy continued and Mammoth left Starfire's side to go to his room to call. The tension in the room changed. The kid was done being a buffer.

"I am going to go outside for some sun. If someone would open the back door for me, I would be thankful." Starfire asked and Kyd Wykkyd was quick to do so for her giving a knock to indicate where it was so she could float that way. "I understand." She spoke to him quietly and I saw him swallow as they engaged in another staring contest, though I knew it was one sided. She left walking using the feel of the beach to lead her. We waited until we could not hear her footsteps.

"This is why pets are always a terrible idea. Robots are better. You can rebuild them." Gizmo said though his voice cracked.

"I read somewhere that when cats go blind, you're supposed to put them out of their misery. She's part cat right." Billy added into the conversation he knew her the least and his high from a successful job had not faded.

"She is. Though it is not quite that simple to put her down. Her instincts will keep her alive as long as possible. It needs to be by surprise." Seemore said and he brought out his notebook again. Though I realized from the purple color it was the one he gave her.

"It's hard for it to be a surprise when she's expecting it." Gizmo added.

"Maybe she's disappearing into the wilderness right now, so she doesn't die in front of us. I had an old cat who did that back home. They know." Billy said though he seemed a little more saddened by that.

"Well if we are going to sell her body, that isn't going to work." Gizmo complained.

"I don't think she will. I think she's too scared to go far." I added and all eyes turned to me.

"Are you going to cry?" I my eyes dry, but there was definitely some tears of anger welling up from their sexism.

"Why would I? We got a good run out of her and I won't miss her until the money runs out." I said with a thick bravado my voice going lower.

"Good, don't want you having a relapse." Seemore said with a nod and my middle finger went up before I could stop it.

"I'll do it." Kyd Wykkyd said and he pulled out a letter that was in her handwriting.

"What's that?" Seemore asked as he found it's match in the notebook.

"A letter to read once it is done. She wrote it days ago." I wanted to know what it said, but I couldn't stand the energy in the room.

"Call her in when there is pizza. I am permanently off babysitting duty." I said and walked back to my room. I cried into my pillow so no one would hear. It smelled like her, her blood and the strawberry shampoo she used. I wondered when our house would smell less sweet how quickly would she fade away. My heart hurt, even though I had tried to keep distance and hate her, she had become a friend. She had cared for me and I had started to want better for her. Something under my pillow crinkles and I found a piece of paper entitled to me.

Jinx,

You are better than them. I wish I had more time to make you believe that. You deserve better.

Please keep me safe after I am gone, I do not trust the boys. (Keep yourself safe as well)

I will miss you in the next life.

X'hal bless

Koriand'r

She was right. She was scared the boys were going to defile her body. They most likely would do something before giving her back to the Titans. Though she was also right I deserved better, she deserved better. She deserved better than to be knocked off by her enemies she had been tricked by. She deserved to be able to say goodbye to her friends, her true friends. I cleaned up my face and hair before opening up the shoebox in the bottom of my closet that held my T communicator from my turncoat moment.

It needed time to charge so I went out to find Starfire. I climbed out my window since I didn't want anything to do with whatever conversation they were having.

She had not gone far, but she had made a fair amount of progress on her grave. She had dug a twelve foot deep hole using a rock she had found and likely her powers. I jingled my tacky charm bracelet so she would know I was there and would come up. She had tucked her hair into a messy bun and had sand covering her arms. Her shirt had torn more since the battle and her skirt was sideways. She was crying and mouthing something in Tamaranian.

"Jinx?" she asked and I jingled again.

"Yes, hey can you come up, I think there are some things we should talk about." I said and she floated straight up a little too high for me to grab without falling into the hole.

"I do not believe I am in the best state to have a conversation." She answered and dipped lower back into her hole in the sand.

"You're going to need to go deeper, you'll get washed away at this size. "I gave her the critic once it seemed right.

"I am working on it. I never imagined a grave as my end. Nor darkness to find me first." She said and I dodged the scoop of sand that joined the impressive mound next to her. She had accuracy still.

"What did you imagine death to be like?" The conversation was going to take a macabre turn no matter what.

"I pictured dying on a battle field to protect my people. I pictured dying in an escape attempt from prison. I pictured dying protecting those I loved. I never pictured that my body would fail me like this. I feel Ruth'a. Weak. Though beyond that I feel empty. I wish I had my memories of Earth, I wish I remembered everyone better, I wish I remembered him. My head and heart feel empty like I have nothing keeping me here."

It was crazy how her head and heart were right. Though from her first part of her speech no wonder she had turned hero. She was noble and romantic and delusional if she thought the universe worked that way. The shard was cosmic karma, but she didn't deserve to dig her own grave while her enemies plotted on selling her corpse in the house.

"Is him the person with blue eyes you mentioned before or Johnny?" I had to ask to see how flimsy her attachments were. She was clutching for anything.

"I do not know his name, but I know his voice, his face, and who he is. You told me he is gone so perhaps I will meet him in what comes next. Johnny was me trying to find a distraction from this ache."

"Was Seemore a distraction too?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Nothing happened between me and Seemore, he wanted to, but he wanted to live more. I would have killed him in the state I was in. I just wanted to feel loved for even a moment, but it is fine if I go without. The people I have loved are on the other side. I care about you, Jinx, but I understand why you do not return it."

"What do you think you understand, Starfire?" I was getting upset again that she thought she knew my own mind.

"That if you care this part would hurt you. That if you care about anyone they will leave so you leave first or block off your feelings. I understand why you want to protect yourself and I never blamed you." Well don't ask a question unless you are ready for the answer. She had me pegged in my habits unfortunately that was not the case now, I felt sad.

"Unfortunately, you are wrong. Right now I am hurt, I don't want you to go. I don't want you to die…not like this. Koriand'r you're the one who deserves better." I was yelling at her now and repeating her note to me. I knew what I had to do, I had to take action. Fortunately my communicator would be charged soon.

"Jinx, can I hug you?" She asked and floated up her head breaking the surface her hands paused at the opening.

"If you want." I said and she shook herself off before wrapping me in her arms and letting me hide my face in her as tears fell from my eyes like traitors. Just like the one I was about to become.