Chapter 34

Walking into the hospital, Arizona makes her way to Katie's room to find her mom curled up in a chair, covered with a blanket. Katie is sleeping peacefully so she makes her way to the other side of the room. She sits down and is startled by her mom's blue eyes looking back at her.

"Don't look at me like that. It's creepy," Arizona says, pulling her legs up to her chest.

"Your back early. Alone. Looking like a bum," Barbara says nodding her head as if she was agreeing with herself.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Ok," Barbara nods. "Are you here for the night?"

"Well, at least until Callie comes. You can go ahead and go. I appreciate you staying here with her, mom."

Looking at her daughter, it is obvious she has been crying. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

Sighing, Arizona shakes her head, but begins to talk anyway. "I love her mom."

"I know."

"And I love this little girl. And... and I just can't imagine my life without them anymore."

"I know," Barbara says sympathetically. "Did... did Callie break up with you?"

"Uh, no." Arizona says, with a bitter laugh. "Not yet, anyway."

"What makes you think she will?"

"Oh, I don't know. The fact that she bought an engagement ring. For me. But the thought of giving it to me scares the crap out of her."

"So she really bought it...," Barbara says to herself, but Arizona picks right up on it.

"Wait, you knew?"

"I came in a few weeks ago and saw her looking at them. She said she was picking you out a necklace or something and but then just started browsing. The one she was looking at was a beautiful diamond and sapphire ring."

"That's the one," Arizona says quietly. She said she didn't mean to have it with her. And I found it, then she freaked out."

"Well, maybe she wasn't ready yet."

"That much was more than obvious, mom. I haven't asked anything of her.. I haven't pushed her for anything. I have let her set the pace. So, no, I wasn't expecting a ring. I mean, I was stunned but excited when I saw it, because I thought that meant she was in the same place I was. But then, she got quiet and looked scared to death. Like she was afraid I would blurt out yes before she even asked."

"Well, if you weren't expecting it, why are so disappointed that she hadn't planned to give it to you yet?"

"Because, mom. You didn't see her face. I kind of knew she wasn't ready for it. But the look on her face made me wonder if she would ever be ready."

"The fact that she bought it to begin with should say something, Arizona. She didn't mean to have it with her. You found it. She was probably in shock. Don't confuse that with fear."

"But maybe that gut reaction is the real reaction. Maybe she hadn't really thought it through and she just liked the idea of it. That doesn't mean she wants this."

"Maybe you need to give her more credit. It sounds like she was honest with you. It sounds like she was caught off guard by you finding it. Arizona, don't decide how she feels. Let her figure it out and tell you, ok? That woman has been through hell and high water with a failed marriage and this little one. Give her some time to make sure she is really ready."

"I'm not rushing mom. I mean, yeah, if I'm being honest, I was looking at rings the other day. But I knew not to ask her yet."

"So if you knew not to ask her yet, then you already know she probably isn't ready for this. Emotionally, she has a lot on her plate right now. So if you know she probably isn't ready, why did you insist on her figuring things out?"

"Because, I need to know it is just because she isn't ready yet. But, what if it made it seem too real all of a sudden? What if it really hit her what she was thinking she wanted, that she really doesn't? What if it's more about me being a woman or something? I am her first, mom."

"Arizona Robbins, do not sit there and question that woman's feelings for you. Anyone with eyes can see it. She was willing to give up her parents for you, and now you want to question her. That alone should prove to you that she is in this. She has been a broken woman, with her past marriage and this little girl being sick. She has done well putting the pieces of her heart back together. Watching your child go through this... breaks it in more pieces than one can imagine. And her husband deserted her… left her to do this all on her own. That is so emotionally hard."

Letting her head fall into the back of the chair, Arizona closes her eyes. "I love her so much, mom. And I'm so afraid I'm going to lose her."

"So it's ok for you to be afraid, but not her?"

"That's not what I said."

"Isn't it though? She married someone and still lost them, maybe she has fears about being left? Maybe she wasn't sure how you would respond to a proposal. Maybe she was afraid you would say no. I mean, after your dad, look at me. Fifteen years and still single."

"But you haven't met anyone. I told her that if she ever asked, that I would say yes."

"Just because you don't know, doesn't mean I haven't met anyone, dear. When you told her that, did you give her time to process or was that as you were leaving?"

Arizona doesn't say anything which gives her mom the answer she needed. "Right. So before you told her that, she didn't know. It's ok to be afraid. Don't assume you know her reasons for being afraid. Now, get some rest. This one was asleep early tonight so she will be up early for you."

"Thanks again, mom," Arizona says, as Barbara stands up and grabs her stuff.

"I can stay if you want to go..." Barbara says, gesturing for the door, giving Arizona one more chance to go back to Callie.

"No, I'm giving her space. I'm not sure I'm ready for rejection just yet."

"I told you, don't assume, Arizona. You are kind of putting yourself through this. If I learned anything about a relationship from your father, it's that you have to talk. Don't walk away from your problems. Sometimes," Barbara says pausing, "... sometimes giving someone space can be confusing and makes it seem like you are just walking away, which doesn't help anything," Barb says. "I love you. Call if you need me."

Arizona says, "I love you too. Thanks, mom."

XXXXXXX

"Come on Mark, pick up…," Callie says to herself as she holds the phone in one hand and the ring tight in the other.

After several rings, Mark's voicemail picks up. Irritated at herself… at the situation… at everything, she hangs up without leaving a voice mail.

Looking around the room, she says the sheet that Arizona was wrapped in just minutes ago. She sees the wine glasses on the night stand and the necklace box laying on the bed. "I can't stay here," she says, grabbing the necklace box and picking up the bag. She puts both boxes back into the blue bag and returns it to her overnight bag.

Grabbing a change of clothes, she makes quick work of changing, gathering her things, then checking out.

Once in the car, she debates on where to go, as tears are streaming down her face. She wants to go back and be with Katie, but she isn't in the frame of mind to be there right now. She picks up her phone and sends a quick text. After receiving a reply she heads towards home.

Sitting on her couch, with tissues in hand, she hears a knock on the door. She doesn't have time to answer it as it swiftly opens, and Addie comes rushing in.

"Callie, what's going on?" She asks, taking in the brunette's appearance.

"I think she might be leaving me," Callie says, breaking down in tears.

"Whoa, wait a minute. What happened? Weren't you supposed to have a big night out tonight?"

"We were. We did… until she left."

"What? No, what happened?"

Callie fills Addie in on the events of the evening, leaving out the sexy details.

"Wow. Didn't see that coming at all. Any of it. You actually bought a ring for her?"

"Yeah."

"Then you meant to leave it here but took it, she found it, you freaked, and she left."

"That about sums it up," Callie says, blowing her nose.

"Why did you buy the ring?"

"Because I knew it was for her as soon as I saw it. I knew that I wanted her to have it."

"So, when you pictured that in your mind, was it with the intention of wanting her to be your wife?"

"Of course. Why else would I have bought it?"

"Could you picture that in your mind? The whole white puffy dress and all?"

"Yeah. I could."

"So then, why did you freak out? I'm mean, yeah…you meant to leave it at home and wait, but you could have rolled with things. She never would have known you hadn't intended to propose tonight."

"I just… I don't know. I love her Addie. She is so good to me and to Katie. God, she doesn't even know Katie and she cares for her like she is her own kid. And I did buy the ring with the intent of marrying her one day."

"Are you sure you aren't confusing appreciation for love?"

"No, Addie. I love everything about her. I appreciate her being there, but I love her. I'm in love with her."

"So, what is the problem? Is it the 'but she is a woman thing'?"

"No! Why would you ask that? We have been together for a few months now."

"As girlfriends. Not as future wives. Are you worried that she won't be able to... meet your needs? I'm just trying to help you out and talk through everything."

"No, that's…not it at all," Callie says, chuckling sadly. "Addie. I am not one to kiss and tell, but she does things for me that no one else has been able to do. She is amazing in that respect. And as far as just being a woman in general, I don't care about that. I love her."

"But, you were worried about your family at first. Are you worried about what they will think?"

"No. Either they accept it or they don't. I hope they will, but I don't worry about that."

Nodding, Addie leans back and stretches out on the couch, getting comfortable. "You already bought the ring, so it isn't like you are debating on whether you want to. Just when. But…why wait? I mean, you bought it. That means something, otherwise you would have waited to buy it to begin with."

"I don't know. I just…don't know. I want to marry her. She is so good to us. I can't imagine not having her in my life. I just, need more time. I need…"

"You need what?"

Sighing. Callie gets up and begins to pace back and forth, then sits down again, as Addison watches

"What do you need, Callie?"

"I need… I need to know that she won't ever leave. I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle giving her my heart and her leaving me. I have a kid to think about. She already lost one parent because they wouldn't stick around."

"Callie… how did she react when she found the ring?"

"Um, she seemed surprised. She gasped and acted... excited, I guess. But then worried she ruined the 'proposal' she thought I had planned."

"And then you froze."

"Yeah."

"Callie, I have known Arizona for a while. I have never seen the woman do something she didn't want to do. But, really, what would she be able to do, that she hasn't already done, to prove to you that she isn't going anywhere? I mean, if she is willing to let you put a ring on her finger and marry her, what more could she possibly do to convince you she isn't going anywhere."

"I was married. Marriage isn't a guarantee! You see how well that worked out for me the first time!"

"She's not George."

Letting out a deep breath, Callie says, "I know that. I just, can't put myself in a position right now to take that chance. I love her, with every part of my being. And I guess, I'm not ready for the possibility that she will say no when I actually ask. Or that she will change her mind later and leave. I don't think I could survive another big loss."

"Well, it's hard to lose a wife if you don't have one to begin with. I'm not telling you to do something you just aren't ready for, I'm not. You have been through a lot and you have been strong enough to survive, basically without much support from anyone. I have a lot of respect for you, Callie. You have managed to go through everything you have been through and still have your head held high. You are a strong woman. I have to believe if you can come through this as strong as you are, that you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"Addie, what if I'm never ready?"

"You probably should do some soul searching. I think you love her, and it seems like you want to marry her. But Callie, there is only so much she can do to convince you she isn't going anywhere. Promises are all we have. And yes, some people break them and it ruins us for a while. You can give her the benefit of the doubt and take a chance, maybe live happily ever after, or you can let your doubt win."

"I don't want to lose her."

"Maybe not. But not wanting to lose her might be the one thing that makes you lose her. Are you ready for that possibility?"

"Do you think she will leave me if I'm not ready to marry her anytime soon?"

"I can tell you what I think, but I can't speak for her. I don't think she expected a ring tonight and I don't think she will ever push you to do something you aren't ready for. But I can't tell you she will wait forever, either. That's something you two need to talk about."

Nodding, Callie reaches for a blanket on the back of the couch, as her head rests on Addie's shoulder. "Will you stay here with me tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll stay. But no funny business. I don't need Arizona kicking my ass," Addie says, getting a small smile from Callie

XXXXXXX

It was nearing ten o'clock, and Arizona and Katie have been engaged in various tasks throughout the morning.

Since Katie is starting to move her hands more, PT is encouraging them to bring in items such as plush animals. They were told small and thin so that she might be able to grab onto easily.

Arizona found a perfect set of plush animals, with long thin necks, perfect for grabbing. As she is talking to Katie and playing, she sees Callie come in the door.

"Hey," Callie says, making her way in, locking eyes briefly, then turning to check on her daughter.

"Hi," Arizona says, standing. She watches as Callie makes her way over to Katie and says hello, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Mommy missed you," she says, as she takes her hand and tickles the little girl's belly.

They have noticed that her eyes light up more if they have some sort of physical contact, whether it is holding her hand or playing with her hair.

Finally turning back to a quiet Arizona, she says, "I didn't expect to see you here."

"I have been here since last night," Arizona says, quietly. "I sent mom home. I hope that's ok…"

Nodding, Callie looks back at her daughter. "You know that's ok," Callie says, fighting a lump in her throat. Trying to look somewhat composed is harder than she expected it to be.

"I know we need to talk, but later?"

"That's fine. I wasn't expecting us to talk right now. Whenever you are ready," Arizona says, trying to let Callie know she isn't pushing her.

Callie gives her a weak smile, but doesn't say anything else. To be honest, she is almost ashamed of her panic attack last night. Over the course of the night as her mind worked through things, she realized that she didn't blame the blonde for questioning her. Had Arizona froze the way she herself had, she probably would have had more questions.

Callie sits down by her daughter and begins talking to her. Arizona can tell that the woman didn't get much sleep last night. She still looks beautiful, just tired.

Feeling emotional, Arizona says, "I'm going to run home and grab a shower. I need to do some of our laundry too. I will see you here in a little bit, ok?"

When all Callie does is nod, she leans over and gives Katie a kiss on her forehead. Turning back to look at Callie, she says, "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Ok."

Arizona looks at Callie briefly, before shaking her head and walking around the bed to stand behind Callie. Facing the door, not looking at the brunette, she says, "I love you," then starts to head out the door.

Before Arizona gets too far, Callie says, "I love you too."

Arizona hears and pauses just for a moment, then continues out the door.

Callie wasn't surprised to find Arizona already here when she walked in. That's one of the things she appreciates and loves about the blonde… the love she has for her daughter. The blonde shoes it in everything the she does… for her and her daughter. She realizes that her decision is already made.

XXXXXXX

Callie has her head laid back on her chair, with her eyes closed. Katie is taking a nap And after not getting much sleep last night, she is exhausted. With still too much going on in her mind, the most she can do is close her eyes, and even that is proving to be difficult.

She hears a noise and expects it to be Arizona returning. When she opens her eyes and looks, it isn't the blonde that she has missed today. Even with everything they need to talk about, she has missed her.

Who she finds instead… immediately makes her sick to her stomach.

"Hi, Callie."

"Why are you here, George?"