Chapter 35

Arizona arrives home to a clean house. It should be clean though, she is never home, with the exception of a night here or there where she and Callie both come back for a few hours of sleep.

Bringing women home was never something she chose to do, instead going back to their house or, as she is almost ashamed to admit, taking them to a hotel for the night.

Callie has changed her so much. She has opened her eyes to a world that is so much more fulfilling than anything she has ever known. She knows the brunette loves her, she can feel it. She just doesn't know what the brunette is afraid of.

She and Callie exchanged keys a few weeks ago. It was done with the intent of simplifying things. One would often stop by the other's house to grab a forgotten item or to check to make sure mail was picked up. The exchange of keys was strictly a matter of convenience. Each one though, relished the idea of having the trust that act entailed from the other woman though.

When Arizona headed home to do her laundry today, she had stopped by Callie's to grab hers as well. Not that it matters a lot, laundry from both of them could be found in both places these days. They had been back to staying at the hospital every night, but the friends of the two women insisted that they could handle things and they should go back to heading home a few nights a week.

Arizona wasn't sure she should stop by Callie's, but the quick "I love you" from Callie eased her mind and she decided to go ahead and stop.

After she puts a load in the washer, she manages to grab a shower and clean up. When she is done, she starts another load and heads to the kitchen. Noticing she will have almost two more hours before the laundry is done, she decides to make dinner to take to the hospital. She doesn't want a lot of time to just sit and think. Looking in the cabinets and the fridge, she decides she has just enough to be able to fix a small pan of lasagna. Callie will definitely enjoy that, she thinks.

XXXXXXX

"What do you want, George? You have absolutely no reason to be here," Callie states as she stands to put herself between Katie and George.

"I came to see my daughter. Why else would I be here?"

"Out. Now," Callie insists, turning to make sure Katie is still napping.

"Callie… I just want to see my daughter," George says, pointing towards Katie.

"Out in the hall now, or I call security," Callie says, pointing to the hallway.

George holds his hands up and turns to walk out in the hall. Once out there, Callie has a quick word with the nurse and tells George to follow her.

Walking to the conference room, Callie opens the door and motions for George to enter. Once the door is shut, she unleashes on him.

"What the hell do you think you are doing here? We don't want you here."

"She is my daughter, Callie. I want to see her."

"Oh… why today? You have had almost two years. Now you want to see her?"

"Yeah, I do."

"No, that's not happening. You don't have any right to see her. You signed them away, without a second thought.

Callie is furious beyond words right now. As if the talk she needs to have with her girlfriend isn't weighing on her enough, now she has her ex-husband to deal with.

"I think after you hear what I have to say, you might think different, Callie."

"Like hell it will. We are done. If you so much as try to go back in that room, I will get a restraining order. You have no right at all to see her."

"She is still my daughter!"

"Oh, did you decide it was convenient for you now? You. Signed. Away. Your. Rights."

"I signed away custody. I didn't terminate my parental rights. There is a difference."

"You didn't want her! Don't come here now acting like you give a f… You know, you aren't worth my time to argue with. Go home George, and don't come back," Callie yells, pointing at the door.

"I think you might want to hear what I have to say," George says, pulling out a seat and motioning for Callie to sit as well.

"I don't know what you think you are doing, but we sure as hell aren't going to sit and have a conversation," Callie says harshly.

"Fine. Then I will talk and you will listen. Trust me, you will want to hear what I have to say "

XXXXXXX

Finally walking back into Katie's room, Callie can't get to her daughter quick enough. She sits on the edge of the bed, needing to be close to her. Everything is falling apart and she doesn't feel like there is anything she can do to stop it.

After George finally left, Callie had some decisions she needed to make. Hard decisions. Life-altering, life will never be the same, decisions. So… right or wrong, she made them. Then, she quickly set the ball in motion before she could question whether she was doing the right thing. She needed to do what was best for her daughter. Arizona would never forgive her for this, but she needed to do it.

Sometimes what we think is the best decision at the time, couldn't be more wrong though. Only time will tell how or if things will ever right themselves.

"I love you Katie bug," she says, reaching over to stroke her daughter's cheek with her thumb. "I can't wait until we can take that oxygen off for good. I can't wait to be able to talk to you," she says, with tears in her eyes.

"I was thinking that maybe we could try tomorrow," Arizona says, walking in behind Callie.

"What?" Callie asks, turning around.

Arizona takes in her appearance, and becomes worried. "Yeah. We have given her another couple weeks, I had actually already planned on it tomorrow anyway." Observing the woman, she asks, "What's wrong, Calliope?"

"I um…. I… we need to talk," Callie says, uncomfortably.

"I know. But I told you, we can wait. I'm not rushing you," Arizona says quietly.

"That's the thing. This… It um, it can't wait."

"It can," Arizona says, nodding.

"Not this time," Callie says, sadly. "Please, come with me." The tone in her voice is worrying Arizona.

Following their usual routine, Callie has a nurse keep an eye on Katie. She already spoke to them and let them know that under no circumstances was George allowed in the room.

Pulling Arizona in to the on-call room and shutting the door, Callie runs to the restroom. She barely makes it in time, as she gets sick, causing Arizona to rush after her.

"Calliope... here, let me get you a washcloth," Arizona says, reaching under the sink and pulling one out. She wets it and then hands it to Callie.

"Thanks," Callie says, as she takes the wash cloth and wipes her face off.

Walking back into the bedroom, Callie sits on the bed. However, when Arizona sits down next to her, she feels like she can't breathe and stands up, as she begins to pace.

"What's going on, Calliope? Whatever it is, you are making yourself sick."

Not knowing how else to say it, she decides to just say what she knows she needs to say. "Katie and I are moving back to California. We are leaving this week."

An awkward silence begins to unfold in the small on-call room. Arizona has a blank expression on her face at first as it evolves into one of disbelief.

"Calliope..." Arizona says, as she begins to digest what Callie just said. "No. No… what... what are you talking about?" Arizona asks, as tears immediately begin to fill her eyes, as she shakes her head, confused.

When she doesn't get an answer, she raises her voice just a little. "Calliope? What do you mean you are moving back to California? Why would you do that?"

Callie is silently cursing the direction her life has taken today. She is fighting an inner battle of telling Arizona the truth about what transpired, or making the break easier… although not any less painful, for either of them. Callie is not saying anything and it is just frustrating Arizona even more.

"Calliope, I need you to tell me right now, what you are talking about! Why? Why are you leaving?"

"I have to, Arizona..."

"What? No... no you don't," Arizona says, shaking her head as she moves to stand in front of Callie. She puts her hands on either side of her face, and says, "Please. Tell me what's going on. Why do you need to leave?"

"Arizona..." Callie says, "I'm sorry. I know it seems sudden, but…"

"Sudden? It came out of nowhere! I know you had a moment of panic last night, but... that's ok," Arizona says, stroking Callie's cheeks with her hands. "But, please. We can... we can figure this out," Arizona says, tears rolling down her cheeks. "We can figure this out. I promise! I'm not rushing you into anything. I know you aren't ready. We have all the time in the world, just don't go," Arizona says, as Callie reaches up to pull Arizona's hands from her face.

"I can't stay Arizona. I just can't. I'm sorry," Callie says, seeming to come to some sort of realization, as she suddenly regains her composure. "I don't expect you to understand. Even if I went in to all the reasons, you probably still wouldn't. I'm sorry."

"Try me… Give me one good reason! I know we haven't been together that long, but I love you! You told me you loved me! You don't have to go anywhere. If… if you need space, I'll give you space, but please… please stay."

"Arizona, I um… I have to do what's best for Katie and I. What you and I had, it's… been amazing. It has. I panicked last night, and I didn't understand why at the time, but I do now."

"What's going on, Calliope? Everything was fine yesterday. I'm not going to push you into something you aren't ready for. Did I do something? Talk to me," Arizona says, pleadingly.

"You wouldn't understand, Arizona."

"Not if you won't tell me," Arizona says, shaking her head. "I realized, after a lot of thinking last night, that you have been through so much. And… and I know that you are probably scared," Arizona hurries to say. "I know the last thing you want is to be hurt again. I don't care if we ever get married or not… I will be here. I'm not going anywhere and I will never push you into marriage. I promise."

"I know Arizona. This, the last couple of months, has been amazing. It has. And I believe you when you say you aren't pushing me. But, I need to do this. I just have some things I need to work through. I have already called and set up a transfer for Katie. They will be here Tuesday."

"You are really going to just… take her away and leave? I love you both." Arizona has tears freely falling at this point.

"I know you do, Arizona. And I'm so, so sorry. I have to do this though. I know that you have done so much for her and given her a new chance at life. I will always be grateful for that," Callie says, hoping Arizona knows she is being sincere. "I um, I have already let her doctors know we are coming," Callie says, not able to make eye contact now.

"I… I feel so… stupid. I thought," Arizona can hardly talk at this point, and sits down on the bed, letting her head fall down into her hands. "I thought we had something. And now…you are leaving and the worst thing is, is that you apparently don't think I deserve an explanation."

Callie doesn't know what to say. "I know that I have hurt you," Callie says, quietly. "I never intended for things to turn out this way. You have to believe me."

Shaking her head, Arizona gets up. "Do you love me?"

"Arizona… don't do this."

"Do what? Try to figure out what the hell went wrong? Try not to figure out why the two people who have come to mean everything to me are just leaving? I deserve a reason, Calliope."

On one hand, she knows Arizona deserves an explanation. On the other hand, she wants to spare Arizona. Because of who Arizona is, she would feel responsible for the situation she is now in, and she doesn't want that for the blonde.

Callie sighs as she reaches for Arizona's hands. "I do love you, Arizona. This wasn't just a fling to me. Sometimes love isn't enough though. I have a daughter to think about and I think it is best for her to be back to California."

Arizona is getting frustrated. She still isn't getting any answers. Arizona pulls her hands away, going from hurt to angry.

"So… you say this is for Katie, but for the life of me, I can't think of anything over the last few months that Katie has needed that I can't help you with. Unless… unless you decided she needs a father figure in her life."

"Arizona… no. It has nothing to do with that."

"Then what is it Callie? Because you aren't telling me anything, so the only thing I can do here is speculate. I have put myself out there for you and Katie in a way I never have for anyone else. I didn't have a choice in it, I mean, the heart has a mind of its own," Arizona says, throwing her arms up in the air. "But I put everything into this because I thought that you were worth it. But, I can see now where I stand with you. I obviously don't mean a damn thing to you if you can just up and leave."

"That's not true and you know it," Callie says, becoming aggravated at the situation.

"What I know…," Arizona says, shrugging, "…is that you don't feel like you owe me anything. I guess, I thought you loved me. Your actions right now are telling me otherwise. "

"Arizona… I do love you." Callie says, trying to will Arizona to believe her.

"Just… not enough. Not enough to be honest with me. Not enough to stay. Not enough to trust me with whatever is going on."

Knowing that she in fact can't let Arizona know what is really going on, as heartbreaking as it is, she does the only thing she can think of. She walks closer to Arizona and kisses her on the cheek, thankful she doesn't pull away. "I'm sorry," Callie says in a whisper, as she chokes back her own tears. Then, she makes a dash for the door before she falls apart in front of Arizona.

The minute the door shuts, Arizona collapses on the bed, erupting into sobs. She just watched the love of her life walk out of her life.

Out in the hallway, Callie can barely control herself, and rushes to the door across the hall. Once she is safely in the confines of the restroom, she breaks down in tears, crying. "What did I just do?"

AN: Hang in there... Callie's explanations are coming.