Chapter 36
Arizona sits and cries for several minutes, before she becomes angry again. "No, no. If she leaves, it sure as hell isn't going to be because I just let her," she says to herself. She jumps up and sprints for the door, ready to dart down the hallway to find the brunette. A sound coming from the restroom across the hall catches her attention though. She quickly crosses the hall and rushes into the restroom to find Callie sitting on the floor crying, startling the brunette as she moves over to stand in front of her.
"It just... it just doesn't make sense, Calliope. I'm not buying it. You can say whatever you want, but you needing to leave for Katie is… is… a load of crap. What's best for Katie is keeping her here. With me… Where you and I can take care of her. You were with those doctors for almost two years and they did nothing for her! So it makes no sense whatsoever for you to take her back there now," Arizona says, almost out of breath.
Trying to dry her tears, Callie stands up. "It's not about the doctors Arizona."
"Then enlighten me! I'm not letting you go without a fight Calliope. I'm not. If you thought you could come into my life and make me fall in love with you, then just waltz right out of it, you are sorely mistaken," Arizona says, shaking her head, as she tries to dry her tears.
Callie is in awe of the woman in front of her. She expected Arizona to not want anything to do with her after she walked out of the on-call room earlier. She knows that the blonde loves her, but to see her here, fighting for her, is more than anyone has ever done for her.
"Arizona, it's complicated."
"If you are going to leave, I deserve an answer Calliope. Whatever it is, I can handle it. What I can't handle, is just not knowing anything at all. Because what I keep going back to… is that you just don't love me and I don't think that's the reason. Please, I deserve an explanation."
Callie takes a second to rethink her decision to not tell her. She was trying to save her the potential of feeling guilty, but maybe Arizona is right. Maybe she needs to tell her. Maybe if she gets closure, it will be easier for Arizona to let her go. "Can we go back to our room?"
Arizona feels some relief wash over her. Callie just called the on-call room "their" room. Surely that has to mean something. "Um yeah, we will go wherever you want to go."
Nodding, Callie takes a deep breath and leads Arizona back across the hall. They may as well get comfortable. She realizes Arizona is right. If she is going to leave, Arizona probably needs to know why.
"Tell me," Arizona says, as the door is shut.
"I will tell you, but it doesn't change anything. I'm still going to go," Callie says, sadly.
"Just tell me," Arizona says, frustrated.
"George was here earlier," Callie says, quietly.
"You... You're going back to George?" Arizona says, upset.
"No! God no!"
Arizona sighs and sits on the bed. "Then why?"
Sitting down beside Arizona, Callie says, "He wants us to move back so he can see Katie."
"I don't understand, Callie. I mean, who cares if he wants to see her? You don't have to do what he wants. This still doesn't make sense."
"He told me if I didn't move back so that he could see Katie, he would take me to court."
"Calliope, he signed her away. You have custody, he can't take her away."
"He signed over custody, Arizona, not parental rights. Custody can be fought in court. He said if I didn't move back to where he could see her, he would take me back to court and fight for full custody. I can't lose her Arizona. I just, I can't," Callie says, crying.
"So... what? You are going to pack her up and move back because he wants to see her all of a sudden?"
"If moving back means I get to maintain custody, then yes."
"I don't think you should just give in and go just because he wants you to. But why didn't you ask me to go with you, if that's what you wanted to do? I may not agree that's the best decision, but if you believe that's the best thing for you, then I would go with you Calliope," Arizona says, standing up and starting to pace back and forth.
"You can't do that, Arizona."
"I love you both, so yeah, I can. Unless…you just don't want me to."
"You can't," Callie says, as she sighs, causing Arizona to look at her. "It's not that I don't want you to go Arizona, but… he made it clear that if you came too, he would still take me to court," she says, shaking her head.
"What? How does he know about me?"
"My mother. Apparently her silence lately wasn't just her being busy. She called and told him I was dating a woman."
"So wait… Your mom called to tell him you were with me… and now, he is coercing you into moving back to California to get you away from me."
"I can't lose my daughter, Arizona."
Arizona continues to pace back and forth, with Callie watching the emotions playing across her face, as Arizona ponders the situation. Finally, she says, "Callie, if you pack her up and move her to California, giving in to his demands, it might actually make things worse. It may end up being a mistake."
"How can you say fighting for my daughter is a mistake?" Callie asks, frustrated.
"You aren't fighting for her Calliope, you are just letting him win. You are letting him dictate your life. What happens when you get out there and you have been there for six months, or a few years, and he isn't happy with someone else you are dating or just whatever you are doing in general? What are you going to do when he threatens the same thing? You have to realize, if he is threatening to take you to court now, he will keep doing it, as long as he gets his way."
"But maybe he won't. Maybe..."
Arizona cuts her off. "If you start a sentence with the word maybe, then you really need to think that through a little bit more."
"If I stay here, he will take me to court. I can't risk losing her."
"If you go, you are still taking a risk of him threatening to take you to court over something else down the road. Do you really want that man around her? He signed away custody because he didn't want anything to do with her."
"You don't think I know that? I have been taking care of her by myself for years! I know that. But I don't want to lose her."
"Calliope... I know you don't want to lose her, but there has to be a way to fight this."
"I need to go Arizona."
"You don't, Calliope. We can fight this, together. I will be right by your side the whole time. I don't believe a judge in his right mind would consider giving custody of any kind to George. Especially after he willingly signed her over without a fight already."
"I'm not sure I can take that risk though, Arizona. And it breaks my heart. Walking away from you earlier is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I love you, so much. I'm a mom first though," Callie says, crying.
"Calliope," Arizona says, pulling her in for a hug. "I'm so… so sorry. This is all my fault," she says, kissing Callie's temple.
"That's why I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want you to feel responsible," Callie says, through tears.
"I don't want you to go. I don't want you to go because I love you. I don't want you to go, because I love Katie. I don't want you to go, because I think I can take better care of her than anyone out there."
"I know. I know all of that," Callie says, pulling back to look at Arizona.
"You said earlier, that now you know why you panicked last night. Why?"
Sighing, Callie shakes her head. "Other than the fact that I'm just an idiot? I am so embarrassed about last night, Arizona. I bought the ring for you, because I can picture us growing old together. But I guess… I was afraid. I was married once and you see where that got me," she says, shaking her head. "I guess seeing you with the ring in your hands, I was suddenly afraid that maybe you would leave too, and I didn't think my heart could take it if you left. So I panicked. And then today, look what is happening," Callie says, tearing up again. "I am the one leaving you…"
"Calliope… when you walked out that door, I could have let you go. I came after you because I don't want to ever let you go. If you leave, it is not going to be because I didn't fight for you. I promise you, I will never leave you. But, seeing how torn you are, I… I don't think I can ask you to stay. I can't ask you to say and then have you resent me if something goes wrong in court. I can't be the reason you lose your daughter."
Not that she had stopped crying, but Callie starts crying even harder, and Arizona pulls her close and holds her. They stay like that for several minutes, before Arizona pulls back and tries to wipe Callie's tears away.
"I love you, so much, Calliope. I would marry you right now. That's how committed to you I am. If you had doubts last night about the ring and whether or not I am in this, I will tell you right now, I am totally in this. I'm head over heals in love with you. I love your daughter and I can't wait to see what a wonderful woman she turns into, because I know if she is half as wonderful as you, she will be amazing. I want to be there for her first day of school, because I believe she will be going to school next year. I want to be there for her first date, when she gets her license, when she graduates and goes off to college. I want to be the one there with you. Other people left you, but I won't. I promise you, Calliope. I want you to stay so we can fight him, together, because I believe with every ounce of my being, that you would be given custody. But, as much as I want that, I still can't ask you to stay."
"Why couldn't you be a total loser? This wouldn't be as hard," Callie asks, causing Arizona to chuckle through the tears that are welling up in her eyes.
"I can try harder?" Arizona asks, giving a small smile, causing Callie to shake her head.
"Arizona, I love my daughter. I am so afraid of losing her, and I made a decision that I thought I needed to make, to ensure I kept her. And I'm sorry… so sorry. I'm sorry that I have hurt you. You have to know that it was not an easy decision. I love you, so, so much . And hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I knew that I was going to hurt you, and it made my decision that much harder. I'm still scared Arizona. I only get one shot at being a mom. And I can't mess it up. I…"
Tears falling freely down her face, Arizona starts shaking her head. "I understand Calliope," Arizona says, stopping her before she has to hear Callie say she is still leaving. "You will always be 'the one who got away' and…"
"Will you let me finish?" Callie asks, interrupting Arizona.
Confused, Arizona nods.
"I love my daughter, but I made a rash decision without thinking everything through, because I was scared. And I understand if you think that's a terrible excuse. Listening to you though, I think you are right. If I give in and go back to California, it is probably only a matter of time before he holds something else over me. I can't live like that. I deserve more and so does Katie. I'm still… scared. But I need to know, if I stay, that you forgive me. I know I messed up, last night and again today, terribly. I know my actions hurt you so much, and I'm so sorry. Will you forgive me?" Callie asks, hopefully.
Letting everything Callie just said soak in, she begins to smile. "You're staying?"
"If you forgive me, I'll stay. But I need to know I have a reason to stay. Otherwise, I don't want to be here knowing I can't have you. If I can't have you, I may as well leave anyway, because I don't think Incan see you and not be in your life. "
"Calliope, of course I forgive you. Didn't you hear a word of what I said? I love you. My love will always be forgiving Calliope. I would forgive you a thousand times over," Arizona says, pulling Callie in for a kiss. A kiss of hope and relief.
Pulling back, Arizona says, "I know you are scared, but I will be with you every step of the way. I promise. We will find the best lawyer. We will do whatever we need to do, to make sure you keep your daughter."
"I should have talked to you earlier. I was just so upset after he left and my first instinct was to just do whatever he wanted so I could keep her. And then I was afraid you would blame yourself because our relationship was what was causing me to have to leave. I didn't want you to blame yourself. But, the more you talked, I realized you are right. He will just find something else to hold over me. I don't know why I didn't think about that earlier."
"Because… you were scared. Most of us don't think straight when we are scared. But I need to know you will talk things over with me. If we are together, we need to include each other in decisions. Even the hard ones."
"I know. I don't know what I did to deserve someone as wonderful as you. You came into my life right when I needed you. And about last night…"
"Calliope, let's leave last night where it is. We both could have handled it differently, so let's just move on and maybe pretend it didn't happen."
"That's just it. I don't want to pretend it didn't happen. I mean, maybe parts of it. The truth is, is that I bought you a ring. The ring you held in your hand. This ring," Callie says, pulling the small box out of her front pocket and holding it in her hand. "I was an idiot last night."
"No, Calliope, you weren't. Your feelings are not something to apologize for. I just hate that you didn't talk to me about how you were feeling."
"I was wrong. When you found this," Callie says, playing with the box in her hand, I think I realized you might say no. Or if you said yes, that maybe you would change your mind later. I didn't freeze up because I was afraid you would say yes. I was afraid of the opposite. I just couldn't put my finger on it at the time. I know that isn't how it seemed, but it is truth. I'm sorry. I love you, so much Arizona. So I would like to do this the right way this time."
Callie takes a breath and gets down on one knee, as Arizona gasps, realizing what is about to happen. "Will you marry me?" Callie asks, opening the box and holding it up.
"Calliope… no, no, no….," Arizona says, shaking her head.
AN: Sorry it took so long to update, but things have been hectic. So, Callie is staying, but now we have to wonder what Arizona's problem is…