Harry Potter glared up from the tombstone he was tied to as he watched what could only be an unholy ritual to an elder deity being performed. He was abandoned by everyone, not surprising even the Weasleys including the twins, but surprising was also Hermione. His usual rock of calm. He should have expected it. Luna did warn him. His lovely, Seer Luna. But Harry did try to fight fate, usually he won, but not that point apparently. Oh well…. Harry concentrated back to the now as his glare intensified.
Wormtail simpered as he shambled over a cauldron dropping a bundle which would, on a good day, be the ugliest baby in the world with a *plip* and started to chant "Bone of the father, unknowingly given, you will renew your son!". Harry watched on, impassive as dust floated up from a grave and dropped into the cauldron, which started to hiss and spit, sparks of fae energies dancing around.
Wormtail cringed and cried out as he cut deep into his wrist, sawing through with a frenzied deliberation and screamed as his hand fell into the bubbling liquid of hell "Flesh of the servant, willingly sacrificed, you will revive your master!". He gripped his wrist, tying it off to slow down the blood flow loss as he then turned, eyeing Harry with the gleaming look of a zealot.
Harry, despite the horror going around him almost smirked. He could now compare the look to Dumbledore's little eye twinkle. Batshit crazy, the both of them. He knew Albus lied about his needing to be in this. The only thing missing from this event for Harry was the apple for his mouth and the silver plate that Albus and the staff of Hogwarts expected him to lie on. Fuck them. Fuck everyone.
Wormtail stumbled over to Harry, grabbing Harry's arm harshly in a vice-like grip and slashed deep into the arm, letting the vicious red liquid drip into a cup as he snarled victoriously at Harry, not noticing or caring that Harry didn't scream out, nor seem in the least bit concerned that he apparently had a huge cut on his arm and was bleeding out at an alarming rate.
Wormtail shambled back and poured the cup into the white heating bubbling broth of bile "Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken, you will resurrect your foe!" The white liquid immediately turned into a color of bile green, fumes slamming into Wormtail and knocking him immediately out. The cauldron cracked down the center, the hissing slime eating deep into the earth as an unholy scream echoed the crawling of… a thing… flipping out of the cauldron and gasping for breath.
Harry calmly cut through the rope with the pen-knife he had on hand, dropping the punctured wine-skin he had tied to his arm, and slowly walking up to Wormtail, who by now woke up screaming, wide-eyed, and frothing at the mouth. Harry bent his head in curiosity, looking at the dark mark writhing on Peter's arm as if it was screaming, burning red hot, and turning multiple shades of the rainbow, eating into Peter's flesh and suddenly flashing and disappearing, leaving a burnt reminder of what the mark looked like.
Harry kicked Peter in the face, not that he noticed. Dull dead eyes still staring up at the clouds. Still, it was cathartic.
Harry turned around and looked down at Voldemort… no… it's be more Voldemoo. The wretched thing looked like a mutation from a failed science experiment. Kicking him over with a toe of his boot, he watched as the creature continued to gasp for breath. The eyes, all 5 of them, blinking out of sync and staring with what he assumed was trying to be a glare, but was in fact a sad dread and deep-seeded fear. The gills on the nipples, all 22 of them, trying to suck in air and failing, the 8 pair of flippers flapping around ineffectually, the already mulberry-red skin pealing away and catching on fire before it even fell to the ground. It looked painful. From the quiet open mouth scream he could see locked in place, Harry assumed it was.
Harry took out a small bag of popcorn and started to munch on it, yawning slightly as he gazed bored at the slowly dying dark lord. Guess this is why Luna suggested the popcorn. It was going to take a while. Best. Movie. Ever.
Harry thought back to what brought this on, and Luna's lovely Seer ability that he and her talked about the year before…
Luna sat down next to Harry "Harry, I need to talk to you. It's important."
Harry glanced up to Luna, he knew her to be always a bit… out there, but never did she say something that wasn't important. Just hard to understand. The fact she was so poignant now stirred him to immediately grant her his full attention.
Harry faced Luna "I'm not going to like this, am I."
Luna quirked her head sideways and closed one eye and winked at him with the other "Yes… and no."
Harry smiled. Even at a serious time, Luna was still Luna.
Luna spoke up again "Next year, there will be a Tri-Wizard tournament. You will be picked. It's Halloween after all. There will be three events, not that it's important, you'll beat them all anyway without any harm or risk to yourself. However, the last one is a trap to resurrect Voldemort, and you'll need to be prepared."
So saying, Luna gave Harry her entire vision, the entire thing, and how Dumbledore and the staff let it happen because Harry apparently had one goal in life, and that was as a chew toy of fate and bait for a dark lord… apparently two of them.
To say Harry was angry was like saying water was wet. Harry's face got darker and his lips thinned the more he heard. He stood up suddenly and started to pace back and forth, thinking of what to do as Luna continued to talk. She new this was how Harry dealt with stress, she was used to it by now, and wasn't bothered by the assumed in-attention. She knew Harry heard everything.
Suddenly Harry stopped. He turned to Luna. And he started to smile. He started to grin. He laughed. Then he told Luna what he had planned.
He never saw Luna laugh so hard that she peed herself. But it amused the hell out of him. Even after she slapped him in embarrassment, it was well worth the laugh. Luna secretly was just happy that Harry had something to laugh about, but didn't forget to mention to Harry to bring some popcorn.
Harry was in his room at the Dursley's for the summer, with a large bowl, a ton of ingredients he ordered by owl, and what he bribed Dudley with some gold galleons. Beside the bowl was a wine-skin to hold the mixture once finished.
Harry looked down at the list and started to read off the ingredients as he poured them into the bowl. He made sure to wear a breathing apparatus as he did this as this was going to be noxious.
Ingredients for Voldecow
1 oz of drought of living death
1 cup of tabasco hot sauce
1 oz of comet cleanser
1 cup of antifreeze
2 tablets of alka seltzer
2 cups of rat poison
1 oz of finely chopped belladonna
1 oz of finely chopped nightshade
1 oz of citric acid
2 tablespoons of quick raise yeast
1 tablespoon baking soda
1 oz of crude oil
1 oz of transmission fluid
1 cup of cow dung from the nearby farm
2 cups of bull semen, also from the nearby farm
1 used tampon, from Petunia. After all, the ritual did ask for blood...
The bowl's contents was jet black, and was slowly turning to a viscous dark red, just the right color for blood. If one would overlook it trying to crawl out of the bowl… and the mouth it formed as it screamed from the churning liquid.
Harry shrugged and grabbed a turkey baster and started to siphon it into the wine bladder whistling a jovial tune, placing the capped finished bladder into his school chest, along with the 3 packs of quick-make popcorn that Luna suggested he make before the third event and place in his pocket, along with his pen-knife.
Luna was weird.
Harry continued to chew popcorn.
Luna was still weird, but damn was she smart.
Voldemoo was mouthing what appeared to be 'please, kill me now'. Harry looked down to his watch on his wrist, nope, only 75 minutes passed. He was still alive, nope, nope nope! Pain was on the menu and Harry was hungry.
Harry tossed away the first popcorn bag and pulled out a second one. Voldemoo's eyes got wide as he realized this was going to be a long and painful death.
6 ½ hours later Harry arrived with a muted pop back in the center of the tourney. Everyone was running around and screaming. Dumbledore was looking angry. He stormed up to Harry, grabbing him by the arm "Where were you? Don't you care at all about the people you worried?"
Harry, not caring about his arm in a vice-grip, nor the glare from Hermione neraby, or the constant muttering of 'cheater' from Ron, looked up to Dumbledore, his eyes hard and a smirk on his face "How's Snape?"
The people around gasped after the loud slap; Harry's head tilted to the side, the large hand print from Dumbledore still on his cheek. Harry knew after 6 hours and the death of every… single… death eater, that Dumbledore and his little cluster-fuck of friends he wanted to 'redeem', being rancid screaming frothing corpses, that he'd be undone. He just had to push him just… enough. And by the swelling of his cheek, the flashing of the cameras, and the shocked look on Albus's face, Harry had done just that.
Harry turned back, stared at Dumbledore's crooked nose and opened the sack and dumped the handful of marbles on the ground. Upon hitting the wet earth, the programmed transfiguration failed and the cooling corpses of Voldemort, oh sorry, Voldemoo, Peter Pettigrew, and a still smoking very large snake were at their feet.
Harry coughed up a hefty amount of phlegm and spat it right into Dumbledore's eyeglasses, making sure to cough up enough to cover the majority of his face. More gasps, more pictures, and lots of fast scribbling.
Harry making sure to use the words 'Dark Lord Dumbledore', 'Robber of Children', 'Senile Goat fucker', 'Child Molester', 'Mental Raping Pedophile' being some of the top phrases of his coldly, calm, description of the previously all mighty head master.
The ways he described how Albus could go fuck himself would to this day be additional pages in the Kama Sutra.
Harry snorted, turned around 360 as he gave everyone the finger, and then triggered his port-key that sent him to the Rookery into the awaiting arms of Luna.
It was time for a vacation, and fuck the magicals.