Gale
How Gale let go of Katniss.
A post-Mockingjay story.
I love the Hunger Games. I will forever. Suzanne Collins owns everything!
Special thank you to GinnyGinervaWeasley for betaing my story. I really appreciate all your help.
"Katniss!" Peeta shouts her name as he sees her by the lake. He runs to her but stops a few feet away, staring and not knowing what to say. She's sitting on a fallen tree log beside an old cabin by the lake.
"Katniss," he whispers, more delicately now than the first time he saw her. His eyes are glassy, a little wild with energy.
She has been gone for more than three days, suddenly disappearing into thin air. Without a word or anyone seeing her, she slipped out from everyone's attention. They searched the town for days, every possible hiding place considered, but she was not in any of them.
"Katniss," he softly calls again. He takes one step forward but stops when she flinches.
"Why are you here?" Her voice is hoarse and low. She hasn't spoken in a long time. She hardly speaks at all, even within the district. Her voice is used only for screaming at night.
He tries to open his mouth, but words don't come out. He used to be good with words, but now his words only hurt her. Only half-well from being hijacked, the dark mutt creeps into his tongue whenever he sees her. Lashes of insults, accusations, and twisted truths pepper his tongue - they are sharper than any other weapon aimed to hurt her. He tries to speak again, but his hands begin twitching at his sides. He clenches and relaxes his fist - the tense muscles and sore joints, not wanting to give in so easily. He closes his eyes to focus then turns his head away, trying desperately to level his breathing.
"Katniss!" Gale calls from the trees. His silhouette is soon visible from behind the thick foliage. He runs past Peeta, who is still standing there with closed fists and a turned head, and takes Katniss into his big arms. "You're here ... you're safe ...," he repeats softly, over and over on her temple. He gives her a kiss on her forehead and hugs her even closer. She doesn't protest nor reciprocate. She just stays there, absorbed in Gale's embrace and in the vision of Peeta, whose eyes have finally let out their first few tears.
"Are you okay?" Gale asks after releasing her from his embrace. He holds her face in his palms. "Are you hurt?"
She shakes her head in answer. It's a half-lie because she is hurt. Hurting. Things always hurt, sometimes much more than what she could bear.
Gale helps her up from the tree log and takes her hand to lead her inside the cabin. "You've been staying here all these days?"
She nods again in answer.
Gale fixes her small bag quickly and makes sure to put out the kitchen fire. Peeta lingers by the lake, sitting on a rock, watching the calm water flow. Katniss and Gale leave the cabin, and Peeta follows them from a distance.
They quietly walk in the woods, the crunch of dry leaves under their feet being the only conversation. Katniss and Gale have sure and even footing, while Peeta's steps fall unevenly and heavily on the forest floor. Gale never once let go of Katniss' hand.
The sun is low on the horizon when they reach the meadows, and the sky is a beautiful pink and orange. Peeta stops and settles down on the grass while Katniss and Gale remain oblivious of his absence. He sits there soaking the last warmth of the day and breathing peacefully at last. The past few days have been miserable for him, and Peeta couldn't forgive himself for all that he had said to Katniss. He made her flee. Made her feel unloved. He hurt her.
Hazel and Haymitch sit quietly by the porch when they see Katniss and Gale walk through the village. Hazel rises to her feet and walks briskly toward Katniss, enveloping her in her motherly arms. Haymitch lets out a deep breath and picks up his flask to take a long drag of white liquor.
"I knew that Gale here would find you," Hazels says. "He knows the woods better than anyone in the district. I knew you were in your beloved woods." Hazel presses a kiss on her forehead. She might as well be her mother at that moment.
They go to Katniss' house, where Hazel had already prepared dinner. Katniss remains quiet while Hazel tells stories of Posy, Rory, and Vick. She does it to lighten the mood and to draw Katniss out. Posy always made her smile, made her laugh. Tonight it's just gentle nods and a simple smile. Posy is getting back to her happier self since the war. Almost a year has gone by, and so much has changed already. Children heal quicker than adults. Their joys are simpler and easier to provide. Rory will soon be an apprentice to a shipbuilder in District 4, and Vick will study to be a doctor. He's been helping out in the recovery center. This is what freedom brings; it brings possibilities beyond mining and living in hunger. Katniss paid much for this freedom. She paid the ultimate price through Prim.
Hazel helps Katniss prepare for sleep. She starts the shower and changes the sheets of the bed while Katniss bathes. She combs her hair before bed and tucks her in when she is ready. It's nice being taken care of again, Katniss thought.
Around midnight, Katniss wakes up screaming and thrashing in her bed. Nightmares never leave her. Gale from across the hall rushes to her side, shaking her shoulders to wake her. He turns on the bright light on the nightstand and helps Katniss sit.
"Peeta," she calls. When she opens her eyes, it's not blue eyes that meet her but gray ones.
"You had a nightmare. It's okay, Katniss. I'm here. It's Gale," he says while rubbing her arms.
Katniss nods.
"I'll get you some water to drink, okay? I will be right back." He gives her a hug and a kiss on the forehead before leaving. He pads down the stairs to the kitchen.
Katniss stands up from the bed to go to the bathroom, and she stops to look out the window facing Peeta's house across the street. He hadn't come for dinner, and she didn't see him after the meadows. A faint light is lit in his living room, highlighting the silhouette of a man standing behind the window. She closes her eyes, wishing that Peeta was there beside her, but when she opens them, his silhouette is gone.
Gale returns with a glass of warm milk instead of water. "Ma said it will help you sleep," he says, then repositions a deep chair beside her bed. Katniss drinks half the glass of milk and settles under the sheets. She wakes up two more times in the middle of the night, and Gale never once leaves her bedside.
Tired of trying to sleep anymore, Katniss rises from her bed and covers Gale with another layer of blanket. She brushes his forehead lightly.
Hazel is already awake and is nursing a cup of tea in the kitchen. She greets Katniss with a warm smile and pours her a cup of her own.
"Would you like to help me with something today, Katniss?"
Katniss nods. Unsure of what she is asking. She couldn't be asking for much.
"I'd like to change all the sheets and curtains in your house. They really need to be replaced. I'm surprised you haven't developed any allergies yet."
Allergies. It's the least of her worries.
"But first, I suppose you're going hunting in the woods? The workers in town need more meat. Do you think you could spare some game for Sae to prepare?"
"Yes, I could do that," Katniss simply replies while staring at her tea.
"I'll go wake up Gale," Hazel says next. Before Katniss could tell her that Gale needs more sleep, she is already out of the kitchen.
Katniss finishes her tea and gathers her gear. Her bow has been with her since coming from the cabin. Gale brought it with them, not wanting to spare more time lodging it in its usual hiding place. It's not illegal to have a bow and arrow now in Panem. Gale comes down in a few minutes. He is awake enough and ready. Above all, he loves her and the woods.
Between them, they haul in eight fat rabbits, two turkeys, and two bags full of wild nuts and berries. They spot a beehive brimming with honey but decide against disturbing it. They have more than enough for today. They reset all the snares, Gale replacing a good portion of them. It's been a long time since they hunted together.
They give most of their haul to Sae, who prepares the meals for the workers. She cups both their faces with her old, wrinkly hands and smiles with her yellowing teeth.
"It's been a long time seeing you two together again. It's just like old times," she says.
But it's not like old times. So much has changed, and things are never going back. Folks are dead, and the population of Twelve is but a tenth of what it used to be. The mines are gone, and a medicine factory will replace the district's livelihood. Dead bodies are still buried in the meadows, a nameless grave for everyone who used to be on the side of the living. Gale and Katniss hunting together may be like old times, but this is just one day. Neither of them are the same people anymore. Tomorrow, Gale will leave for District 2, and then she will be alone again.
They walk back to Victor's Village, disturbing the bare path along the hill. "Why did you come, Gale?" Katniss asks out of the silence.
"Peeta called me," he starts. "He said you've been gone for three days and that he and Haymitch searched everywhere in town. He wanted to look in the woods, but Haymitch wouldn't go with him. He said that it was dangerous and that Peeta might cause more trouble."
They stop walking, and Gale continues his answer.
"He said I'm the only one that could find you in the woods and that I could do it in the fastest time. I asked him what he's done now and that if he hurt you. He said he'll explain it when I get to Twelve. He never got the chance. We went straight to the woods the moment I stepped off the train station. Hazel and Haymitch brought our bags to your house while we searched. What did he do, Katniss? Did he hurt you?"
Katniss shakes her head in answer. Peeta did hurt her, but not in the way that Gale thinks. "He didn't attack me if that's what you're asking."
"Then why did you run away?"
"I just wanted to feel my father," she replies softly. "The lake was my and my father's special place. He used to take me there to swim before he died. He fixes the old cabin every time we go. It's good enough to live in for me. I just wanted to feel closer to him again."
It's half the truth. She doesn't say that Peeta on the day that she ran away, had an episode where he spat insults upon insults at her. He was far away from her, and he had tied himself to a heavy chair before his episode. He warned Katniss, asked her to leave him, but she refused. She listened to his every word, allowing him to let out all the darkness that wanted to spill out of him. She thought she could take it, could separate the real Peeta from the hijacked one, but she overestimated herself. She felt so lonely, so broken, and hurt after. All she could do was run away. Run away from everything. She left Peeta there, knocked out from exhaustion due to trying to escape his bindings and from fighting himself like he was two people. Deep inside, Katniss believed Peeta's words. They may be twisted, but they were there because she ultimately hurt him. She lied to him, used him, shamed him. When she was in her lowest low, she enjoyed saying hurtful things about him. Hijacked Peeta is just reflecting what she had done to the real Peeta. This is why she ran away. She was confused, hurt, broken, guilty. She felt unloved, abandoned after hearing all his words. She wished she was numb just to have some reprieve. The woods calm her mind, and that is why she went there. It's the one place where she was sure.
"I could help fix the cabin while I'm here," Gale offers, believing her lie. "I could ask to stay for a few more days."
When they entered the house, Haymitch was sneezing his head off from carrying thick, heavy curtains for Hazel. She got him to help her somehow. Hazel could set Haymitch sober if she wanted to. She's a very strong woman.
"About time!" Haymitch rolls his eyes and drops the pile of curtains on the floor. "You help your mother, Hawthorne." He takes a drink from his flask and empties it in one go. "I'll see you at lunch, sweetheart," he says to Katniss before leaving.
"Old drunk," Gale banters and picks up the pile.
Katniss goes to the kitchen and wraps the game in parcel paper. She portions them out and places them in the icebox. She double-wraps a portion for Peeta. She hesitates on whether she should take it to him herself or have Haymitch drop it off later instead. She peeks out the window and decides that she will leave it at his doorstep.
She walks briskly, so she doesn't chicken out. She's only dropping the game. She knocks three times, making sure that it is loud enough for him to hear. The smell of baking bread is all over the house. She listens for his uneven footfalls and jumps the three steps of the front porch to run away. She lands wrong on her left foot and falls over. It shoots a sharp pain through her ankle, but she pushes herself to stand. Just as she is standing, Peeta opens the door.
"Katniss," he calls, surprised, concerned. She looks well, but why is she on the ground?
Katniss looks at him. He's holding the parcel of rabbit in his hands. His apron is full of flour, his curls are all over the place, and there are thick dark half-moons under his eyes. He looked like someone who hadn't slept in days except for his clear blue eyes. Those are definitely Peeta's eyes. Tired, but they are not hijacked. She brushes the dirt off of her hands, but just as she is about to talk, she hears the door close from her house. Gale calls her name from around the house, and she hears his voice become louder. She turns to look at her house, then back at Peeta. She runs away, leaving Peeta alone on his porch.
True to his words, Gale didn't leave the following day. Hazel rode the train alone, carrying berries and wild nuts for Posy, Vick, and Rory. She could only be away for so long before Posy became needy. Vick and Rory don't have the fatherly instinct that Gale had when he was just fourteen. Posy was crying over the phone when Hazel called home last night. She's upset with her two brothers, and they both couldn't comfort her.
Peeta stays with Haymitch, taking care of him and making sure he eats. He goes to his house to bring bread and stew, then drops by Katniss' to leave two loaves of bread every day. He does it early in the morning while Katniss and Gale are out in the woods, leaving the wrapped pieces of bread on the porch bench.
The district workers enjoy the return of the baker. He gives bread to Sae regularly and helps out in the afternoons on good days. He stays home on bad ones. Haymitch keeps him in check.
Peeta mostly stays to himself, only having conversations with Sae or Haymitch. He keeps his appointment with Dr. Aurelius and takes his medicine religiously. Most of his days are good now.
On delivery days, Katniss sees him carrying hundred-pound flour sacks over his shoulders. He takes several trips, going back and forth to haul everything to his house. His body is getting stronger and stronger every day. Haymitch helps him carry the smaller boxes of supplies. Sometimes he helps with the eggs when he is fully sober. Katniss watches them from her bedroom window intently.
Peeta and Haymitch play chess or cards after dinner. With Peeta getting better, Haymitch loses more games than he would like. It bothers him that he doesn't win, but he takes it out on the alcohol instead. When Haymitch receives his package of goslings, Peeta helps him build a coop and lays out the fence in his yard. It is hilarious seeing the little ones follow Haymitch around in the morning.
With baking, helping out in the rebuilding, and taking care of his mentor, Peeta gets better and better every day.
Gale and Katniss fall into a routine. Hunting and gathering early in the morning, staying an hour more in the woods than they need to, just to drink in the air or take a quiet swim. They give most of their haul to Sae, but Katniss always saves a portion for Peeta and Haymitch. They eat breakfast on the back porch, then Katniss takes a nap, while Gale attends to calls from the Capitol. At noon, they have their simple lunch together. Katniss mostly reheats every meal. Then Gale returns back to work for the rest of the afternoon. Katniss either sleeps some more, repairs her arrows, goes back to the woods to linger on a tree branch, or cleans a portion of her house. On bad days, she stays hidden in the basement, and it takes Gale hours to get her out of her hiding place. Once, he missed a meeting with the generals because Katniss was screaming her head off from a nightmare. She had fallen asleep in the basement and woken up all broken.
After dinner, Gale and Katniss read in the living room. Gale reads manuscripts dropped off by hovercraft from District 2, while Katniss reads a book given to her by Gale. She pretends to read it most of the time, turning the page every few minutes. When she is tired of pretending, she goes up to her bedroom where Gale tucks her in. He always gives her a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room to return to work. He has been sleeping on the short couch that he brought in from one of the spare rooms. It's more comfortable than the single chair, but it is still not suitable for Gale's big form. Working in the military has really developed his body, and he is in the best shape of his life.
Nightmares never leave Katniss, so Gale also never leaves her bedside. When Katniss screams, Gale is there to comfort her. He turns on the bright lamp beside her bed, helps her sit upright, and then gets her a glass of warm milk. Katniss never asked him to stay, but he does anyway. He'd rather sleep on the uncomfortable couch than leave her to fend off the nightmares alone. Katniss wakes up three, sometimes four times in the middle of the night. When she's tired of sleeping or too shaken by her nightmare, they talk until it's time to go hunting. They stick to stories of people who are still alive. Once, when Gale accidentally mentioned Jackson's name, Katniss couldn't stop crying. She won't let him touch her. He couldn't comfort her when she was at her lowest.
The night is filled with snakes, mutations, and jabberjays. It's like an arena in Katniss' head, and she is full of sweat when Gale wakes her up.
"I can't do this anymore," she cries, burying her head on her knees.
"Shhhhh, it's okay, Katniss. It's going to be okay," Gale tries. It's all he could say. He gives her a glass of milk and brings the blanket over her shoulders. He kisses her cheek and is surprised when Katniss catches his wrist.
"Will you stay with me?" Katniss asks. Gale almost didn't hear it, but he gets her message when she shifts to the other side of the bed and folds the blanket over. It's an invitation for him. He doesn't hesitate, and he takes Katniss in his arms. She lays her head on his shoulders and places her palm over his breast bone. She falls asleep whispering Peeta's name.
When she comes to, she startles from the weight behind her back and begins screaming and thrashing. It's so loud, it resonates around the whole of Victor's Village. Gale tightens his arms around her waist to prevent her from hurting herself, but she elbows him, hitting him straight on the nose. He bleeds, and she hops off the bed, slamming through the lampshade, breaking it. Her eyes are wild, and her breathing is ragged. She tries to open the bedroom door, but in her haste, she is pushing it instead. The unyielding door sends her more into a panic, and she screams even louder.
"Let me out!" she shouts over and over.
"Katniss, it's me, Gale. You're safe." It's no use. She couldn't hear him.
Finally opening the door, she runs downstairs. She leaves through the kitchen door and slams it harshly, and the glass panes break. The cold air seeps through her thin shirt and pajamas, her bare feet not helping her situation. She enters another house in the village and hides in the dark basement. The floor is filled with dust, but she doesn't care; she never does when she is in this state. She rocks herself back and forth, willing the mutts and blood to leave her, but they don't. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees herself as a rabid mockingjay, burning and killing everyone around her. She is destruction, and she can't run away from herself.
The floor above starts to creak from a pair of footsteps. It's uneven and heavy. The sound reaches the top of the stairs to the basement, and it moves closer and closer. Lit only by the moonlight shining through the basement window, Peeta catches a glimpse of Katniss' balled-up form.
"Katniss," he calls to her calmly. He's approaching a wounded fox.
"Katniss, it's me ... Peeta."
She looks up, and the moonlight shines on his clear blue eyes. It's the real Peeta, not the hijacked one.
Peeta kneels down slowly in front of her. His prosthesis gave him little trouble. He sees her bare feet and gingerly places one of his hands over them. His hands are warm, and the weight of his palm comforts her. He covers the other foot with his other hand and shifts to sit beside her. All at once, she climbs over his lap and wraps her arms around his torso. She buries her head in his neck, taking in his familiar smell. Cinnamon and dill. They stay there, not saying a word to each other but saying everything else through their breath. Peeta always calmed Katniss down. He doesn't know the effect he has on her.
"Nightmare." Katniss breaks the silence.
"I know. I have them too," he replies softly. "They never go away."
Katniss settles back on his shoulders, her warm breath spreading all over his neck.
"I'm sorry, Katniss. I never meant any of the harsh words I said to you. I never wanted to hurt you."
She stays quiet. She used to think otherwise, but at that moment, the way he says it sounds true. She wants to believe him so desperately.
"I'm no good for you, Katniss. I hurt you. Please forgive me."
"No, Peeta. I hurt you," she says and bunches the back of Peeta's shirt with her hands.
"No, you didn't. You were only trying to help," he soothes her.
"Not just that, Peeta. Everything. You're hurt in so many ways."
"I did get hurt," he says, then pauses. He shifts his head to look at Katniss' eyes. "But it wasn't you who hurt me. You didn't hurt me, Katniss. Please believe me."
At that moment, she did.
They stay there, in the dark and cold basement. Peeta wraps her tighter in his arms, warming her with his body as she falls asleep. Two sets of footsteps sound above them, but Katniss doesn't stir. Gale calls from the basement door.
"Katniss?"
"She's here, Gale," Peeta responds quietly, trying not to wake Katniss.
Gale turns on the bright basement lights and finds Katniss on Peeta's lap.
"That's settled then," Haymitch begins upon seeing them. "I'm going back to my house."
"She had a nightmare," Peeta explains. "I'll bring her up in a while. Let's just let her sleep for a few more minutes."
All that Gale could do was nod. His jaw tightens, but he gives in to his request. Peeta's eyes are a clear blue, no sign of being hijacked. The two turn to the stairs.
"Could you leave just one light on?" Peeta requests softly. "Bright lights hurt her eyes when she has a nightmare. I don't want to startle her, in case she wakes up."
Gale sat beside the open basement door, waiting for Peeta to bring Katniss up. Peeta comes after half an hour, and he follows him as he carries her back to the house. They pass through the kitchen door, Peeta trying to avoid stepping onto the glass shards with his bare feet. He also ran straight out of his house when he heard her scream. He manages to avoid the glass shards, but one rogue piece cuts his good foot. He suppresses the pain and wipes his foot on a rug on the floor. The piece comes off, and he wipes the blood on the rug. It continues to bleed, but he keeps walking.
Once in the bedroom, Peeta lowers her slowly on the bed. He covers her shoulders with the blanket, and she catches his trembling hand. "Stay with me," she whispers.
Peeta looks at her needy and scared eyes, he wants to stay but knows that he shouldn't. "Gale is here, Katniss. He will take good care of you."
He takes her hand and lays it over her chest. He takes one more look at her sad face before nodding his head at Gale, signaling him to take his place.
She didn't have any more nightmares that night, and she woke up feeling rested. It's like a sunray was stored in her chest. She wraps herself with a thick robe, covering her thin shirt and pajamas. Gale is not on the couch beside her bed, and she pads down the stairs to look for him. Everything is clear, the fallen lampshade, the broken glass panes from the kitchen door, and a military duffle bag rest in the hallway.
Gale sat on the bench on the back porch, nursing a hot mug of coffee between his palms. He stares out at the garden where the beginnings of a sunrise peek through the vast sky.
"You're leaving," Katniss says plainly. She stands in front of him, unmoving. A little hurt.
"I have to. I got called in last night. President Paylor herself called, and I can't stay any longer." He extends his hand towards her, and she takes it. He invites her to sit beside him. He lowers the coffee mug down on the floor before cradling her hand between his. They sat there, quiet.
"I love you, Katniss," he whispers while staring at the rising sun. Katniss doesn't respond.
"But you don't love me the same way, Catnip. I understand it now."
"Gale"
"It's okay, Katniss. You love Peeta."
He cups her cheek with his palm and brushes her cheekbone with his thumb. He looks at her straight in the eyes, but it's not demanding nor urgent. It's loving and understanding. "Am I still your best friend?" he says with a small smile. "I would really love that."
She closes her eyes and nods her head. "Yes."
He smiles back, but his eyes are glassy. It's what he needs to hear but not what he wants. "Will you give your best friend a goodbye kiss?"
She opens her eyes and looks at their joined hands. "You don't have to leave," she says softly.
Gale lets out a deep breath before shifting her face towards him. "But I do, Katniss. It hurts more to stay here."
Katniss remains quiet.
"Peeta loves you, and you love him. You say his name every night, you know? Even when it was me who wakes you up, it's his face you see. You call for him, Katniss."
She nods. It's true, she needs him, but she hurt Peeta more than anyone could.
"Peeta and I talked last night. He will take care of you," Gale continues. "Keep to our routine, okay? Hunt and gather in the morning, provide game for the district workers. It's good for you to keep moving. Eat your meals regularly. Take a nap after breakfast, or just rest your head. Keep living, Catnip."
"You don't have to go," she repeats. "Everybody that I love leaves me. Please don't go, Gale."
"Not everyone, Katniss. Peeta will never leave you."
Tears begin to fall down her cheeks, but Gale wipes it with his thumb.
"But I swear, if he hurts you, I will come back at him like hellfire. I don't care if he's hijacked or not. If he hurts you, I will hurt him back."
She smiles a little at his threat. It's true, Gale loves her that much, and he will fiercely protect her. It's not what she needs though. She doesn't need protection. She can do that herself.
"Now, I have a communicuff all the time, okay? Just call me whenever." He smiles at her when he says this, remembering the time that the cuff was taken from him because he blocked off Boggs from following Katniss in District 13.
"How about that goodbye kiss now?" He doesn't wait for her answer and leans into her warm lips to press a light kiss. She lets him kiss her. They hug each other, and Gale kisses her hair once more. He presses his lips on her forehead, and she lets him for as long as he wants to before letting her go.
"I love you, Katniss Everdeen," he says after pulling back from their embrace.
She smiles. "You're my best friend, Gale Hawthorne. I love you so much."
He walks into the house, gathers his duffle bag, and leaves for the train station. She hears the door close, and she settles back on the bench to watch the sunrise. This moment feels right in her heart even though Gale left. He is not really leaving her, but he has let her go.
A few moments later, the sound of uneven footsteps comes around the house. Her lips curl up at Peeta's uneven rhythm. She opens her eyes, and there is Peeta, standing in front of her, the rising sun in his background. He belongs there. He belongs with everything beautiful and good in this world. She catches his bright blue eyes, the eyes of a stranger turned ally, turned friend, turned lover. She loves him, and at that moment, she knows and welcomes that he loves her back. No matter all the hurt.
He steps onto the porch, and she reaches for his hand. He hands her two loaves of warm bread, carefully wrapped in white cloth. She pulls him down to sit beside her, and they wrap each other in each other's arms. It feels right. It feels real.
Peeta Mellark belongs to Katniss Everdeen, and the girl on fire belongs to the boy with the bread. They watch the rising sun together as it warms their faces with its soft and kind rays. The future is uncertain except for their embrace.
Please review! Thank you for reading!