I slid onto the bench at the table during lunch on our first day back at school that fall semester. Inuyasha was over talking to someone I didn't know very well but recognized from middle school, which fine. Whatever. He wasn't talking to Kikyo so it wasn't a big deal.
I hadn't seen her so far that day, which was both a blessing and a curse because… I had that feeling, that pit in my stomach and frog in my throat, all day, looking over my shoulder just... waiting for impact. I could feel the storm brewing, even if the sky outside was clear and bright, the halls of the school were dark and foreboding. I just had no idea when she would make her move. I hadn't asked.
I hadn't really wanted to know.
All I knew was that… I didn't want it to come. I was, in a word, nervous. I had been reliving that moment in front of the shrine over and over a million times. It honestly felt like such an out of body experience.
Part of it was frustration and anger because, like, what the hell?! She had been so-so brazen and audacious. I was offended and uncomfortable that she had approached me in that manner because it seemed to take the agency away from Inuyasha.
I was still trying to figure that out though.
Because on one hand he was making decisions, right? But... I was also making decisions. And... like... how did they all coincide and connect? I could have told Kikyo to take her 'offer' and shove it up her stunning ass but I didn't... I just... I had rolled over.
Which brings me to my next issue...
Another part of my irritation was because I didn't like the competition. Inuyasha didn't owe me his love or anything, I wasn't entitled to his affection or attention. I still… I had felt like I was seeing so little of him as it was that it upset me. I knew that once Kikyo made her move that I would likely lose more precious time with him. Which, objectively, is ridiculous because I saw him constantly... except for when our classes were different.
It was a recognition and, frankly, reality, that I had been fighting tooth and nail since the first day of our high school experience. I didn't want to spend less time with him. I wanted all his days, hours, minutes, seconds. I had very unrealistic desires but that didn't stop me from craving more or from throwing a mental tantrum when I couldn't get more.
The final reason that I was so unhappy with my agreement was because well… bitch had called me out! Kikyo had seen right through me and that was unnerving on a good day.
She had asked me what I had planned to do and…
I had no fucking clue.
Not a single inkling.
I was just pining.
I knew I didn't want to shake my lady bits around just to watch him sputter at me like a disgruntled old man. I knew I didn't want to sacrifice my new friendship with Hojo just so that he wouldn't have a hissy fit at the concept that I might want to occasionally hang out with another when he turned around and did the same thing. I knew what I didn't want to do but I had no affirmative move to make.
I was… stuck.
Mentally and emotionally and physically I just... I was locked in place and really, that wasn't Kikyo's fault. It was mine... I needed to determine what and how I wanted to handle things. That just felt like such a monumental task. It was an easier concept, a safer concept, when Sango and Miroku were feeding me ideas and plans because then if things went wrong I could blame them. But, if I acted then I was the sole person responsible.
In a way, I would come to realize that my alliance with Kikyo, I had entered into it because I was scared and I didn't know what I was comfortable doing. It bought me space I needed to think but didn't want.
What did I want though? What actions was I actually comfortable with making? I really... didn't know. I hadn't thoughtabout that yet. I had just followed Sango and Miroku's direction. Though well intentioned, it hadn't brought me closer to Inuyasha. I felt farther away, really. Farther from him and, even a little, farther from myself.
I like-liked my best friend and I had no idea how I wanted to handle that. I was convinced that he saw me as nothing more than an annoying sister and I wasn't sure that irreparably blowing up our friendship was a worthy initiative to explore. But the feelings I had for him… they were insatiable. They were violent and unrelenting, filling my head with terrible, terrible thoughts. I day dreamed about showering Kikyo in perfumes that I knew he hated just to push them apart. I cackled to myself thinking about playing up the guilt card with him and all sorts of tactics I'd seen other people in our school use to get their way knowing that I had some power to wield.
But I didn't want to be like those people…
I was a queen. Not a goddam petty peasant fighting over mediocrity. I was regal and strong and noble. I wore precious stones… I didn't hurl them at glass houses.
Are you seeing the problem here?
There were a million things I didn't want to be or do. I was trying to figure out not only how I wanted to define my relationship with Inuyasha moving forward but also how I wanted to define myself going forward. I didn't want to be a bad person or a bitter person. I wanted to honor my position and be good. But… fuck me, what options did that really leave me?
You know why it's so hard to be good? Because we all want to take the path of least resistance. But you don't become - or stay - a queen by taking the easy way out.
I groaned loudly at lunch, Sango lifting a brow as she observed me. "What's up?"
I rested my head in my arms, laying on the table, my food sitting untouched next to me. I didn't really know how to answer that question because I had a feeling that I knew how she would react. I would tell her that I was frustrated because I felt stuck and she would give me options that weren't real options. They were superficial measures that didn't delve deep enough to address my internal conflicts.
I felt Miroku's violet gaze quietly pass over me as I just sat there despondently. I didn't know how to answer her question.
I was tired.
Dealing with my indecisive thoughts was exhausting. I was being asked to decide how much time I was willing to part from my king. It was an excruciating question when I wanted it all. I didn't even know… how much did… other friends hang out?
Inuyasha and I had been inseparable for a decade.
I had no idea what was normal because, as I would come to realize, he and I were never normal.
Clearly, I was experiencing some type of withdrawal from him. Like the addict I was, I craved him and when he wasn't around it was like my mind ceased to function properly. All I could focus on was getting that next high, seeing those eyes I loved connect with mine, hearing that voice that soothed every ache, and feeling the way his fingers would brush over my skin at random intervals as a reminder to both of us that the other was still there. I was hooked and some one else wanted a taste and I was just so absorbed in my selfish desires that I wanted to hoard him.
"How much time do you two hang out outside of school?" I suddenly asked, lifting my gaze and flickering it between Sango and Miroku.
They looked at each for a moment before Miroku shrugged. "I mean… we text pretty often."
I rolled my eyes. Yes, I was aware of their texts. We had a group message between the four of us like any normal cohort of people. "That's not really what I mean…"
"We hang out every weekend with you and Inuyasha, we text each other sometimes outside of the group, sometimes on Wednesdays we'll play video games together online," Sango clarified, looking slightly confused.
I frowned further. So really… they didn't hang out that much, save for weekends. "I thought you both were close…"
"We are but neither of us have a car or parents that will drive us around that often," Miroku stated. "We don't really see each other during the week but we still communicate."
I didn't like that. Not at all. Ew. I wanted to vomit at the mere mention of not seeing my king daily.
Sango had called my sleepovers and constant hang outs with Inuyasha weird before and I was starting to get a clearer picture why. I took all of his free time… No wonder I felt withdrawals from even the idea of him spending the occasional night or day with Kikyo. I had known nothing else. No matter what, whether it was Kikyo or another, I would feel the loss.
I suddenly felt like I was… possessive. Not as in I felt like I needed to steal him away but more that I felt guilty over how much I hindered him. I was a constant presence. And…
I forced my eyes closed, recognition settling in. Everyone… everyone for years had thought that he and I were more than friends. Maybe I hadn't realized I'd wanted more before but, sitting at the table that day in the cafeteria, I began to understand Kikyo's perspective a little better.
She wasn't as familiar with our history because she hadn't been in our grade as long as say little bitch but she, no doubt, saw how close Inuyasha and I were. She saw that he and I were inseparable. And that was a problem for her because again… I took up all his free time.
When would she see him?
When would anyone else see him? I was always there…
I swallowed thickly, letting my gaze fall to the side. I had no idea if Inuyasha had had crushes before… I'd never noticed until I had liked him, until I had wanted to somehow monopolize more of his time than I already had. My presence… it had to be a deterrent to other women.
Right?
Kikyo was a queen. She was confident, smart, and beautiful and she had a mission. She wanted to date my king. It wasn't that Inuyasha lacked the ability to make his own decisions it was literally that I was hogging him.
Great. How many others hadn't had the courage to speak up? How many others before her had shied away from him because contending with me looked like a problem?
Sango tilted her head to the side in confusion, watching me process all of that, an eyebrow still raised. I figured that I might need to talk to her in private about my reckoning. Because even if I wanted all his sweet cinnamon kisses for myself I didn't want to be the reason that Inuyasha never got to live.
I mean… clearly the people in our grade were already uncomfortable over how close he and I were.
Sango's insight into how normal relationships should work seemed like it would come in handy in the days and weeks to come. Plus… I still needed to actually tell her about my pact with Kikyo…
I wasn't looking forward to that conversation. Just as I was about to ask another question regarding 'normal' friendships Inuyasha slid in next to me. His knee knocked against mine lightly but he barely seemed to acknowledge it. I waited for him to move it but he didn't, the side of his leg remained pressed against the side of mine, the heat bleeding through his clothes and absorbing into my skin. I hadn't realized how close he was sitting next to me until I physically turned to address Inuyasha after not seeing him for a few hours.
Inuyasha turned, looking at me for the first time since first period, when, let's be real here, he had basically fallen asleep the moment the teacher started lecturing so it wasn't like our first and only class together was the highlight of his first day back. "What's wrong with you?"
I frowned. What a way to ask a girl how she's doing. "Nothing," I grumbled.
"She doesn't like her schedule," Sango supplied. It was true. I had complained to her over and over in my second class of the day - the only class I had with her that semester - about my shitty schedule. Why? You guessed it… because, again, I only had one class with my king and that seemed completely and totally unacceptable to me. "Just be happy you don't have Manten in your class. You have not met annoying until you have had to sit through his stupidity."
I was sure Sango would be amending that statement the moment I told her about my arrangement with Kikyo. But I stayed silent, feeling the ticker on the bomb I had started continue to count down. I was both frustrated with myself for my perceived hinderance of my king's growth and opportunities to find love for himself and with the knowledge that Kikyo could swoop in at any time and remind me that I was still a clueless ignoramus who wanted Inuyasha but didn't want him to know that I wanted him unless he wanted me which he didn't so that was wishful thinking at best that should probably be stomped out as soon as possible so that when my king fell in love with someone I wasn't inadvertently chasing them away with my unreasonable demands on his time.
Yeah, I know that was a mouthful. Just imagine having been in my mind during all that.
Pure chaos. I swear. The clearance section at Forever 21 was more organized than my scrambled little brain.
Inuyasha scowled, "yeah, no, I had him in a class last year. Do yourself a favor and don't mention anything bad about his brother."
"He has a brother? Who?" Sango inquired.
"Hiten."
Oh. Oh. I knew Hiten. He was on my shit list. He was a grade older than us and had made fun of my king in grade school. I smirked to myself. Offering up some comedic justice might be just the thing I needed to get my mind off my inevitable and impending doom.
"No… no. They can't be related!" Sango insisted.
"Go ahead," Inuyasha grinned, a playful little grin that made me near swoon on the spot with his knee still pressed against mine, "ask him about his brother. Don't say I didn't warn you."
Sango sipped on her drink, looking Inuyasha over carefully. "You know what… I will."
He scoffed, "your funeral," before his ears swiveled.
The first indication I got that I wasn't going to like what was about to happen was that I felt the air fill new space between his leg and mine. The second indication I got was her voice piercing through my skull as my gaze frantically found Sango's, my heart plummeting in my chest.
Evidently… it was go time and… ugh, I had not been prepared.
I ignored the heads that turned around us, the hush that settled at the tables nearest ours and the beady eyes that flitted over to watch the impending clash of crowns. I swallowed thickly and closed my eyes.
"Hey!" Kikyo sang, walking over and waving like she was personally close with all of us, her gaze landing on mine as if daring me to go back on my word.
Show time.
"Hi," I squeaked forcing a smile and pulling my eyes away from my valiant duchess right before her entire demeanor shifted. Sango's prior friendly aura hardened into a cold fury I could feel from across the table as her earlier playful smile fell and pain flickered in that mulberry gaze that gave me strength and support when I needed it most.
Inuyasha stumbled on his words, not expecting me to have a pleasant reaction to her presence, even if he could tell it was forced.
And you bet your ass it was forced.
I had practiced that fake smile in the mirror until I thought my lips would fall off, which, honestly may have been the most effective or deserving conclusion to my clear cycle of self-sabotage by ensuring that I would never again experience the majesty of my king's enduring kiss. Even if never getting to kiss Inuyasha again was the most cruel and unusual punishment I could think of… At least then I wouldn't be unknowingly chasing off potential romantic prospects for my king and/or limiting his future happiness and fulfillment in life.
"Uh, erm, hey," Inuyasha finally managed to get out, giving me a quick glance that seemingly questioned my entire existence. I swear he would have looked less shocked if an actual alien had been deposited next to him.
Miroku too, for that matter, was staring at me with total shock and dismay, and a hint of disappointment.
I found both looks to be a little dramatic and offensive. It wasn't like I was kissing her on the cheek in greeting with a big smile and obnoxious laughter before launching into some salacious gossip over the latest rumors regarding certain drama club members crossing over to band to… well… explore their sexuality in more hands on methods than our health curriculum provided. I was literally just not showing overt disdain for her presence and being polite.
I swear… men were so exasperating.
Kikyo, unlike the others though, was well aware of our arrangement and didn't falter in the slightest. She remained chipper and excited to see him. Meanwhile I missed and yearned for something as stupid and fleeting as his knee colliding into mine. Ugh.
For him, I reminded myself. This was… for him. For him to smile. For him to laugh. For the kingdom to remain intact. For him to be happy.
"Still on for Thursday?" She asked, a ghastly blush making her look about as adorable as a baby kitten while simultaneously murdering my appetite in cold blood.
I fucking hated sophomore year already and we were only like ten goddam seconds into it.
Especially because I, one, hadn't expected her to move that fast and, two, had no idea what the hell was apparently happening on Thursday between them. I chewed on the inside of my cheeks, avoiding Sango's gaze as I examined the lunch I wanted to throw at Kikyo.
"Y-yeah," Inuyasha stuttered.
"Great! See you then!" Her voice just oozed the confidence of victory before she sauntered off, waving at me sweetly before turning away. It made me feel physically ill.
I wasn't sure if her departure was merciful or not because that left me to face Sango's wrath. I could already feel the heat draining from the tips of my fingers as her arctic chill spread out in vicious tendrils toward Inuyasha and I.
Truthfully, I had expected most of her ire to be directed toward me. It was I that had failed to inform her of the agreement but when I looked over at her, mulberry eyes were focused on my king.
My king who looked… sour? Why the hell did he look sour?!
My king who was avoiding Sango's gaze, an irate and defensive scowl forcing a frown, with his ears pressed back like an angry cat.
Oh…
He… he evidently hadn't told her about Thursday… which… um… join the club.
"What the hell is Thursday?" She asked, not looking at me but staring at Inuyasha as she spoke, her knuckles white as she gripped her fork with unnecessary force.
He didn't answer immediately but his ears drooped a smidge more amid the silence as Sango waited for an answer. "She, uh, she asked to go to the movies."
"Oh, did she?" Sango bit out sarcastically. I could hear her head swivel, looking between Inuyasha and I, pausing on me before turning back to him. She was waiting for me to look up, to give her something in the form on nonverbal feedback. I didn't. I couldn't. I just stared at the table and focused on breathing and swallowing down the nausea before I coughed up spittle on everyone's lunch. "Hope you have fun," she finally stated in a very short and curt manner before stabbing her food.
I rested my head in my hand.
So it had begun.
That.
That was the real hell. That was hurricane Kikyo, flooding and drowning my parade of fantasies all in the name of finding a mate.
"Okay… what the fuck was that?" Sango asked, pulling on my arm as I walked to my class after lunch. Miroku and Inuyasha each had courses at the other end of the building so she didn't feel the need to hold back any longer. "Did you know about his Thursday thing?"
"No," I answered honestly.
Sango rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. I could see her chewing on her cheek as she thought. I wasn't sure what she was thinking so intently about though. Inuyasha wanted to spend time with Kikyo. That was not new information to us. Thursday had been but he… he was allowed to branch out despite my discontent with the notion. She shook her head, seemingly deciding not to press more on that particular topic and looked at me again. "Why were you asking Miroku and I about how much time we hang out outside of school? Does this have anything to do with me telling you I had a crush on him in middle school?"
"What? No!" I responded, truthfully. "Kikyo came to talk to me on Sunday and…" I nibbled on my lip. "She, um, she told me that she was going to ask him out and asked me to respect their relationship."
Irritation flashed across her face. She looked like she was one hundred percent done with my shit. And Inuyasha's for that matter. He and I really were two peas in a pod. Two peas in a pod that was whittling down the last vestiges of Sango's patience. She just stared at me, waiting for me to continue.
"She told me she would respect my friendship with him-"
"Kagome, she has to respect your friendship with him. That's not really a negotiable thing. If she doesn't… we will make her life hell."
"She knows I don't like her," I continued. "And… Inuyasha has already told me that he is hesitant to spend time with her because of that…"
"What does any of that have to do with you suddenly being nice to her and then randomly asking about me and Miroku?" Sango questioned, the warning bell ringing and going ignored as we stood outside our respective classrooms.
"I'm a problem," I murmured. "She… she didn't feel like she could get closer to him because I don't like her. He spends any free moment with me, Sango. I-I hold him back…"
She sighed heavily and looked around the halls. "So… you agreed to… what?"
"To back off and… be nicer," I answered. "I… I can't monopolize his time. It's not healthy. But I-I also don't want to give up my time with him… so… I'm so confused," I whined the last part. I was. Totally confused. I wanted what was best for him but what was best for him didn't look like it was good for me and those notions were warring in my head.
"You don't know what you want," Sango muttered, as if realizing it for the first time.
I shook my head. I knew I wanted my king but I didn't know how I wanted that to look, what I was willing to let go of or what I wasn't. I knew that I wanted Inuyasha in my life, I just wasn't sure what that relationship should look like as we grew up and as the world began to make increasing demands on us.
Weeks went by and it didn't get easier but I got stronger.
Okay, maybe stronger isn't the right word.
The pain became less bothersome because I had distractions. I had friends and others to keep my mind occupied and fill the void that formed any time Inuyasha was with Kikyo. My friendship with Hojo continued and he made me laugh and smile even if my heart barely felt like it had a pulse. Sango was the pillar that held me up with one hand while holding Kuranosuke's in her other. Miroku proved that he was worth his salt too.
He hadn't been happy when he'd learned about my little arrangement with Kikyo but he'd shown up just as Sango had.
When push came to shove my duke and duchess were behind me.
And I had fucking needed it.
Those initial days were… hard.
They were hard because my plan, my alliance with Kikyo, it was having the intended affect. I hated it but the alliance was working.
Inuyasha finally seemed… happy again.
Sure, every smile of his that came as a result of Kikyo's influence wounded me but it also warmed my heart because he was smiling. Every laugh of his tore at my soul but it also affirmed my decision because he deserved to be loved. I still served up comedic justice to his tormentors but that wasn't the same as someone else actively bestowing acceptance and kindness onto him. My king was appreciated by another. Someone else saw his value and could appreciate him. That was a beautiful thing that I was happy he could experience even if I still desired to be the only one that lit up his world.
But the most important result of my deal with the devil?
My king was still partially mine.
After he'd kissed me and after I'd learned of his affection for Kikyo I had felt those fissures forming between us and I had felt so out of control. I still didn't feel like my feet were on steady ground but the earth wasn't actively shifting beneath my feet anymore. Inuyasha wasn't pulling away from me nor I him. We had settled, in a sense.
We had found a spot that while not safe, per se, wasn't as precarious.
He didn't stand as close to me as he once had but he wasn't walking away and I could live with that. I still missed the closeness of the prior era of our relationship but he wasn't leaving me. Keeping him, even as just a friend, was worth it all.
Miroku and Sango still thought I was an idiot but the kingdom hadn't irreversibly splintered so I considered it a bitter sweet victory.
Some days were more bitter than others, like the day that Inuyasha approached Sango, Miroku, and I in the hall, unable to look at any of us, his hands forced into his pockets as he chewed on the inside of his cheek.
We each waited expectantly.
He had that look on his face that radiated a nervous energy and nonverbally informed us that he had something he needed to say. When he didn't immediately come out with it, Miroku offered his best form of encouragement.
"What's up? You look constipated."
Inuyasha glared at him, "fuck you."
"Well, out with it," Miroku grinned. None of us had expected what came next.
"We're still going to the arcade this Sunday right?" Inuyasha pressed.
"Yup," Sango answered, the word trailing at the end as we waited for the shoe to drop.
"Uh," he stammered, running a clawed hand through his bangs that were so fluffy and soft it made pillows seem like rocks. "Can Kikyo tag along?"
He didn't look at me as he asked and I didn't hesitate or wait for Miroku or Sango to react.
"Yes," I stated clearly and firmly.
Inuyasha still didn't look at me but I forced a smile anyway. The warning bell rang and I walked away, never more grateful to literally run from my king. I didn't know what Sango or Miroku thought or if they talked to Inuyasha more about it after I left. I didn't really want to think about it.
Thinking was painful during those days. I had to swim or die. I and was choosing to live. I would not let Kikyo end my reign. I would not drown in her floods. I would survive.
That whole cluster fuck is what had led to the five of us at the arcade together one Sunday a little more than midway through fall semester.
My mother, per usual, dropped Inuyasha and I off at the arcade. What was unusual was how much the boy was fidgeting. Like, he was calmer in middle school before a fight than he was getting out of the car and walking next to me into the same dingy building we met Sango and Miroku in pretty often for games.
We were the first to arrive and it was awkward.
"Are you excited?" I asked, smiling up at him like I didn't hate the fact that I would have to work to be nice to her for several hours on my day off.
He frowned at me, scowling and narrowing his gaze like I had asked him if he enjoyed prostate exams or some garbage. "That's a dumb question."
I sighed. "Well then why are you a nervous wreck?"
Fine, I wouldn't beat around the bush. Sheesh.
"I'm not," he protested, an ear flickering. His tell. He was lying.
I let it go and looked around the arcade instead. "Wanna race?" I tilted my head toward the driving game off to our right. He was usually good at that game. I figured it would ease his mind. I didn't mind seeing a scowl, after all he had many different types and some were fun, but I didn't like the anxious one he wore.
He shouldn't have been anxious. Kikyo liked him and he was here with friends. It was, in theory, a safe space. I was making a significant effort to be on good terms with her and by all measures that I was privy to things were going well. There was nothing to be anxious over.
Anxiety knows no reason, sure, I get that, but if I could help him I would.
"No, let's do air hockey," he insisted.
That made me pause. Inuyasha hated playing air hockey with me. The key in that sentence there was he hated playing air hockey with me. Why? Because I kicked that round tush of his all over that tiny little field. I demolished him. Every. Single. Time. Inuyasha had thrown a fit years ago over it and now we only played under two circumstances.
He only played to make me feel better or…
My shoulders slumped and my smiled faded.
Or when he felt like he deserved a lashing.
I had no idea which reason was prompting him to insist on air hockey first thing in the day but I didn't want him to want that. "Yash, I-"
"Hello! Who's ready to lose today?!" Miroku proclaimed, striding in and throwing open the door. The manager on duty that day glared at him from across the room but Miroku didn't care. He was smiling like the winner he thought he was.
Sango walked in after him, shaking her head.
"Why's he in such a good mood?" Inuyasha growled.
"He asked Koharu to go to Homecoming with him and she said yes," Sango answered. Miroku smiled that creepy smile that he thought was provocative but really made him look pervy, which, accurate.
Ah, the annual Homecoming dance.
I had never gone to one, truthfully. Inuyasha and I usually didn't partake in school dances. Those had always been the onetype of party I didn't drag him too. Why?
Too much pressure and too many innuendos. Boys and girls didn't just go to dances as friends. At least, they didn't without sparking endless rumors. Inuyasha and I had never needed or desired to fuel the fire or encourage our classmates to shove us together more and further challenge our relationship. So, every year we had opted out. Choosing, instead, to savor each other's company versus entering the lion's den.
That was all before one of us had gone and gotten himself a significant other though.
Rude.
I felt the blood draining from my face as I looked at our little group. Sango was in a relationship. Miroku had a date. And Inuyasha…
Shit.
I bit down on my lip. Things were coming together in my mind and I did not like where they were leading.
"Air hockey?" I muttered.
Inuyasha merely turned and led the way. That was how I knew, even before Kikyo arrived, that there was a reason Kikyo had wanted to join our arcade date. It wasn't to hang out with us, Inuyasha's friends. She had a goal, an agenda.
She was going through him to set up a meeting with me.
I didn't hold back. I kicked that boy's ass so bad he near crushed the plastic mallet-pusher-thing in his palm. It didn't make me feel better. Neither did Kikyo's cheery voice as she entered.
Another thing I realized? Five was a shitty number to have at an arcade. A lot of games are set up for pairs not trios. You can probably see how things continued to devolve that day.
Worse, Kikyo attempted to be friendly and act like she wasn't there for the specific purpose of negotiating with me to release my king of his assumed Saturday night commitment with me.
"So," she began, her mouth was smiling but her eyes were sharp. This was her introduction. One I wondered if she had practiced to make it sound natural. It didn't but kudos to her for trying, I guess. "You've been the talk of the town recently."
"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, as she sat down to challenge me to a race.
I was on a winning streak since Inuyasha had started the day out by playing air hockey with me. Miroku got out of his seat to let Kikyo try her hand against me. Arcade rules were simple, winner played until they were unseated. I had yet to be unseated and it was not lost on me that two queens were about to engage in a battle as she slid down, getting to my level and placing her feet on the pedals, her nimble fingers rounding over the fake steering wheel.
"It means that people have noticed how close you are with Hojo and a few even say they saw you flirting with Koga."
I swallowed hard, ignoring the growl from behind me that was Inuyasha expressing his discontent that in a moment of weakness I had flirted with Koga openly in the hallway at school and that since that day he had been texting me regularly.
I'm only human. I make mistakes.
I shoved the tokens into the game and started the race.
"I didn't realize my actions were so interesting to others," I commented vaguely. I didn't care for whatever she was trying to lead into. I heard Miroku pull Inuyasha away by challenging him to a free-throw contest at that basketball game I was utter trash at. I didn't know where Sango was but I had a feeling I would need her by the end of the match.
Kikyo hummed for a moment before answering, the sounds of the game filling the space between us. "Well, everyone's wondering who you'll go to Homecoming with."
There it was.
So that was her opening move.
"That assumes I'm going to the dance at all," I replied.
"Oh, have neither of them asked you?"
I narrowed my gaze and held back the huff I wanted to release. She made me sound undesirable. Maybe to a certain half-demon I wasn't that interesting a prospect but Kikyo had been right earlier when she said people were talking about it. I wasn't oblivious. I heard the rumors too.
Hojo and I were constantly walking the halls together and, as I said, Koga was constantly texting me. It was no secret Koga wanted in my pants and I wasn't hiding my friendship with Hojo anymore. Bored people loved talking about others' lives. Especially a queen's.
"No," I replied honestly.
"I'm sure one will, if not both," she sang, repositioning herself. "That would be fun, going to the dance with either of them, don't you think so?"
Listening to her twist and contort the conversation all so she could eventually bring it back to what I knew she wanted was painful. Right? Like… what was the point of trying to convince me? Just so you felt less crappy about trying to ruin my Saturday night?
"Eh," I shrugged right before hitting the gas on the game as I rounded a corner.
We were nearing the end to the race and I was nearing the end of my patience with this conversation. I wasn't under any illusions that the relationship between Kikyo and me was anything more than a business transaction. I would be nice in front of Inuyasha. That was all.
"Oh but the dances are so fun!" Kikyo gushed. "Especially with someone as handsome as Hojo or Koga. I'm sure you'd have a great time."
I shook my head, coming up on the last bend in the simulated track.
"If you want to go to the dance with Yash, that's between you two. I won't throw a fit over him not hanging out with me for a Saturday but that's his decision to make." Maybe I'd spent too much of my life with Inuyasha to care much for the delicate dance of words and hidden meanings Kikyo appeared to be well-versed in but I was tired of the charade.
I knew why she had come that day. I wasn't going to pretend that I didn't see her attendance for what it was.
"Thanks," she smiled.
I stood up from the game and walked away. Sango wasn't dumb either for that matter. She'd been standing nearby keeping guard the whole time. She'd probably realized that Kikyo was playing a game the second Inuyasha suggested she tag along. The moment I rose Sango joined me and immediately brought me to the air hockey table. She let me wordlessly pound out victory after victory.
Inuyasha hadn't told me he'd agreed to go with Kikyo. He didn't have to. I knew my king a little too well sometimes. If he hadn't wanted to appease her there would have been no reason to bring her.
His answer, to me, was clear. I was losing a Saturday night.
The screen on the game may have dubbed me the winner of the race between Kikyo and I but I felt more like the loser because really? No one cares about a stupid arcade game at the end of the day, not when you could walk away with a king on your arm.
The next day after classes, Cinnabon asked me to the dance.
I said yes.
What else did I have to lose?
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, staring into the mirror in my bedroom, pads of my fingers running along the firm fabric of my dress for Homecoming. I loved that dress, I really did. Everything from the rich, deep emerald color to the sweetheart neckline Sango practically bullied me into wearing, to the way the pleated fabric flared out at the hem ending just above my knees. One thing was certain as I stared back at my reflection; I wasn't a bean anymore.
I had long legs that looked even longer in the gorgeous black heels my mother had surprised me with. The bodice of the dress wrapped tightly around me, sloping easily with my waist. And, of course, Sango's favorite part, the 'girls' were on display.
My boobs. She really liked my boobs. It was only a little concerning.
Still, the empty space between my collarbones and the top line of the sweetheart neck seemed to scream at me. Queens could be modest, sure, but… they weren't supposed to be bare.
I don't know what compelled me but the compulsion was real and it was strong. I turned to the side and stepped over to my dresser, picking up my favorite necklace. It was brilliant though simple, exquisite and precious in ways I would never have the skill to properly articulate. I swallowed thickly, feeling the comforting coolness of the small pendant as it caressed my skin before I clasped it in the back.
When I looked back at the mirror I felt still off balance, but… it felt more right with that necklace. I ran my fingers along it before taking in a sharp breath.
Hojo was waiting for me, so I grabbed my cardigan and clutch, then carefully made my way down the stairs where my mother had also been expecting me. I avoided her gaze, but I felt it gravitate immediately to the necklace. It stood out against my skin and in contrast to the color of the dress.
"You look very nice, Kagome," she cooed, placing her hand gently between my shoulders as we walked to the car. Her tone had that giddy and knowing infliction to it, as if she was in on the secret that I wasn't willing to verbalize.
"Thanks," I murmured back.
My mother wasn't the only one to notice the necklace. Sango stared at it and shook her head the moment I met up with her at the school.
"Does Hojo know where you got that necklace?" She asked, mulberry eyes looking at me with a hint of frustration.
Evidently I wasn't as clever or subtle as I thought I was.
"No," I answered honestly. I wasn't sure Hojo had ever even noticed it to be honest, let alone really looked at it or asked how I had come across such a piece.
"You do love to play with fire," she mumbled, her earlier frustration falling away in favor of a twinge of sadness, even, dare I say, pity. Sango knew. That much was clear. She knew how much I hated being there.
Or rather, being there without my king.
"He's over there." Sango continued, likely knowing that I was already instinctively reaching for him and experiencing withdrawals knowing that he wasn't at my side. "Should we go say hi?"
I bit on my lip, recalling the conversation I had had with Kikyo. I'd never like her as a person. I just wouldn't. I could respect her but I didn't have to like her. And I didn't. I turned to peer over to the direction Sango had indicated. I felt a deep, icy pang in my chest as I found silver and gold. He was smiling and talking to her.
"No," I answered. "I don't want to interrupt."
Sango rolled her eyes. She knew that I did want to interrupt but what I really meant was that I didn't want to make him unhappy. We'd had that fight several times over the last few months, she and I. It wasn't worth rehashing then.
"Well, then let's go get our dates," she stated, resigned to my decision and looping her arm through mine.
Hojo smiled at me with that big, magnanimous smile of his, his deep blue eyes sparkled like the gems they were when he greeted me that evening. He praised me up and down until my cheeks were the same shade of red that lined the rose gold in my necklace. I smiled back at him in the same way I would smile at Sango or Miroku when they made me happy but not in the way I had come to know with my king. It was a broad and bright smile, sure, but it didn't let you peer into the fire in my heart.
"You look… stunning," Hojo cooed, gaze firmly locked with mine. Even when looking me over he did so with such grace and respect. Hojo truly was a Cinnabon among raisins.
I ran my hand along the lapel of his suit, he looked quite dapper himself. My mother would enjoy the photos. "You look very nice as well," I hummed, batting my eye lashes.
He placed a hand very safely on the curve of my shoulder, that thickly sweet smile that I had used to enjoy so much looking back at me with such enthusiasm and excitement it made me wish I could match it.
Hojo walked me over to where the school-provided photographer stood and we got those really awkward but 'pristine' photos that were expected of us. Hojo was the epitome of dignified and gallant as he extended his hand, palm facing outward and up, intending to escort me to the dance floor immediately afterwards. He was truly fit for a queen.
And I hated it.
I slipped my hand into his, swallowing down my aversion to his immediate acquiescence and reverence toward me. Where was the fight? Where was the demand for mutual respect? Where was the scowl?!
The music was excellent. Whoever the school had hired that year did a truly phenomenal job. It was a pleasant mix of upbeat songs that had you laughing and wiggling around awkwardly as teens do when they are still learning what the hell a rhythm is and slow songs that let you gaze deeply into the eyes of the person holding you.
Ever the gentleman, Hojo swayed with me to those songs. He kept us separated by at least five or so inches, never anything less, a hand carefully and intentionally placed along my waist, equidistant from my hips and my chest while his other hand loosely held mine. He was sweet and funny, whispering to me kind nothings and keeping me entertained and smiling even during the slowest of moments.
I had done a great job picking him out. Hojo, without a doubt in my mind, was fit for a queen. He deserved nothing less than the best a woman and this world could offer.
He deserved so much better than this queen. Why?
Because this queen, me, myself and I, anytime I thought Hojo wasn't looking at me, I looked for Inuyasha.
It was a compulsion, like the necklace, I just, I needed to see him. I needed to feel his presence. But each time I looked I regretted it. Those fiery eyes and that fang-toothed grin that motivated my very will to live were looking down at Kikyo in the way that I so desperately wanted him to look at me.
About two-thirds through the night, I excused myself. I needed a break. My cheeks were hurting from holding up a smile I didn't feel in my heart and my eyes were going cross from forcing them back on Hojo, over and over. Mentally and emotionally I was already drained. I was wracked with guilt because Hojo deserved nothing short of my best and I couldn't give it to him.
I walked through the school and down a hall that wasn't full of students chatting or teachers chaperoning. Slowly, I sunk down along the cold wall until I sat on the floor, resting the back of my head against the wall. The heels were beginning to pinch my feet and I needed a minute.
I clutched my phone in my hand, wondering if I should ask my mother to come get me. I had dressed up. I had danced. I had played nice. I had lived the 'experience' of homecoming and it was… fine. I didn't really care who was crowned Homecoming King or Queen, that wasn't really my scene - fake royalty and all the garbage never interested me.
All in all though it had left me wanting… I hadn't understood why my classmates went gaga over it every year.
My fingers swept across the glass screen, pulling up my mother's contact, ready to call and make some excuse to Hojo about how the dress was too tight and making me dizzy or something, as if I was some victorian woman stuffed into a corset in order to make her waist look about as wide as an apple instead of a high school girl wearing a dress she picked out that would certainly have ripped if I pulled too tightly on it.
I didn't hear him until the toes of his shoes poked into my periphery. I didn't need to look up to know who it was though, I could feel his energy. I would know him anywhere. Still, I looked because, god, did I miss that face.
Even if I had been peaking over at it all night, it was nothing compared to seeing it up close and looking back at me.
"Hey," he murmured, hands shoved into the pockets of his pants. I chuckled as I dragged my eyes over him. Inuyasha just looked so… uncomfortable in a suit. It was hilarious and endearing to me. I'd seen this kid covered head to toe in dirt and mud, I once even drew all over him with sharpie as a child. It had taken days to get it all off his skin. Point being, this dashing and clean version of my king was so foreign to me, and, clearly, to him as well.
The worst offense though was how his bangs had been combed into something that was meant to be suave, I think, but I felt had missed the mark. By the look on his face, I guessed that the comb had been his mother's idea.
"What are you giggling about?" Inuyasha grumbled, shifting his weight on his feet.
I sighed, "nothing. Don't worry about it."
He huffed, kicking his foot and scuffing it along the ground. "What are you doing over here?"
"I needed a minute," I answered, lifting a single foot in the air. "Heels hurt."
He nodded as if he understood the true suffering that came with wearing heels that weren't appropriately broken in - which, if you don't know, is a pain so sharp and unholy only the devil himself could have designed such a torture - before turning and looking behind him.
"Having fun?" I asked, a little nervous for the answer.
He snorted, "I guess… Still would have preferred our original plan."
"Ah yes, gorging ourselves on the splendor that is WacDonald's," I giggled again, recalling how we spent Homecoming the prior year. It had been a simple night but so much fun. "The real question though," I began, looking up at him with a teasing smirk, "is would you prefer the dance or a strawberry shake?"
Inuyasha rolled his eyes but I watched the corners of his lips turn upward into a smile all while a warmth I loved and hated filled my chest.
"Strawberry milkshake," he finally answered. His voice had lowered to a gentle hush that only I could hear while his head tilted down but those magnificent amber eyes that followed me like a curse connected with mine as he spoke creating a heady fog in my mind.
I lifted my eyebrows in surprise, "so… doesn't sound like you're having that much fun at all." I mumbled in response, bringing my brows together in question as I pulled my lip between my teeth to chew on nervously.
He looked away from me then and sighed. A pregnant pause hung between us for a moment, his gaze unfocused but searching around us as if some answer might be written on the walls of the school we spent most of our days in and he just hadn't realized it until then. "You didn't… you didn't say hi when you arrived."
"I didn't want to bother you."
"Why would that bother me?" He asked, a hint of anger in his voice.
I shrugged, "you could have said hi to me…"
"I didn't-"
"Want to bother me?" I answered for him, smiling as his ears pinned back in annoyance. I was right and he knew it. We'd both been doing an awkward dance around the other all evening. The only difference was that he had had the courage to come up to me before thinking about leaving.
He grumbled to himself for a moment, almost certainly mocking me for figuring him out, before stepping closer and extending his hand. I looked at it curiously.
"What?" I asked, still lifting my hand and placing it in his completely unconcerned with what his answer actually was. Inuyasha wrapped his fingers around mine quickly and securely, unwavering as he hoisted me up, off the ground before releasing far too quickly for my liking or sanity.
"Wanna get a photo?" He questioned, a clawed thumb pointing to where the photographer was beginning to back up.
"You hate photos!" I exclaimed, shaking my head in surprise.
"So?" He bit back stubbornly, his cheeks turning some shade of pink.
I laughed, I couldn't help it! Inuyasha wasn't looking at me and he was blushing! I rarely saw that face. It was one that I'd seen only a couple times before but I'd know it anywhere. After all, he'd worn it the first day we'd met, when I played with his hair in Mrs. Nazuna's class. Inuyasha had fought me, feeling the need to put up a fight without really wanting to put up a fight. It had meant that he wanted me to keep playing with his hair but that Inuyasha was also insecure about something and needed a reason.
He wanted to take a photo with me, even though he detested being in photos.
"We don't have ta-" Inuyasha griped before I looped my arm around his and pulled, my heels clacking along the floor in rapid succession as I flagged down the photographer.
"Hey!" I yelled, dragging my best friend next to me as I came up to him. "Before you go," I pleaded, "can I please get another photo?"
He nodded and I thanked him profusely before walking Inuyasha over to the taped lines on the floor. I heard him swallow thickly and I turned to him, beaming up at him before pausing. "Wait!" I announced, holding a hand up toward the photographer.
"What?" Inuyasha asked, confused and irate, though still blushing.
I didn't ask. I just had to fix it. My king was brilliant and bright, he was rough on the edges and scrappy, despite having a heart more golden than his eyes, but he wasn't suave. He was gruff and scruffy and that's how I liked him, as him. I brought my hands up, noticing that he was blinking rapidly, and finger combed out his bangs so that when I pulled away he looked like him, in all his glory.
"Okay," I purred, nodding in approval. "Now you look like Yash."
He nodded, looking down and away like he did anytime I gave him compliment and I smiled a real, true smile, for the first time all evening. I heard the shutter go off and I knew we were supposed to remain still but I…
Well I loved him.
I threw my arms around my best friend, pulling him into a massive hug that he was in no way prepared for. He still caught me though, Inuyasha always did. The shutter continued to go off but we ignored it. He feigned irritation in that voice that was a little too high to be genuine ire as he scolded me for using so much force but he still draped his arm around me and didn't pull away as I squeezed him close to me with all the force my little noodle arms could muster.
When it was all said and done, he continued his fabricated rant on my behavior, gold eyes mesmerizing me as he did so.
I was so enthralled to be in his arms, to be with my favorite person, so totally enraptured by his presence after having gone without it all evening, I was completely oblivious to his date walking up.
"What's so funny?" She asked in that icy tone, holding a cup of water and trying not to glare at the scene in front of her.
I shifted away from him immediately, internally reprimanding myself for getting carried away. He was my best friend. He was Kikyo's date. I couldn't forget that again.
"Oh, Kagome stumbled in her heels," Inuyasha lied using my full name when referring to me.
I opened my mouth to speak but stopped. As I mentioned some time ago, we never used our full names, save for emergencies. That rule applied regardless of whether we were speaking to each other or others. Inuyasha called me "Kags" when referring to me with his mother and Miroku and Sango. I called him "Yash" whenever I spoke about him. It was just the way we were.
So that…
That was new.
It immediately silenced me and had my mind scrambling to make sense of the context.
"I think I need to help her get home," he continued, not even bothering to look at me as he spoke. His tone was dry with a forced sense of sentimentality embedded into it.
"She looks fine to me," Kikyo protested, dropping her gaze to me, an elegant eye brow lifting as if asking me to challenge her understanding of the situation.
"I-"
Maybe one day I would be good at talking but it wasn't then.
I didn't know what to say or what to do. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. So I just stammered like the idiot Sango kept reminding me I was.
"Kagome!"
Hojo called my name, momentarily saving me from answering Kikyo, whose arctic fury I could feel from ten feet away.
"H-hey!" I stuttered, swallowing down my nerves as best I could.
Hojo, poor, sweet, too good for this world Hojo walked up and immediately handed me a glass of water, smiling at me like I had put a star up in the sky just for him. A star. Singular. I couldn't imagine what he would look like if I had put up more than one but it was still an innocently happy and delighted smile that I didn't deserve.
I waited for him to say something negative or spiteful upon realizing that I had left him to hide then take photos with Inuyasha.
"You and Inuyasha got photos?" He asked, still incredibly cheerful.
"Y-yeah…"
"Good!" He exclaimed, looking between Inuyasha and I, causing Inuyasha's head to tilt and Kikyo to sigh loudly in exasperation. Hojo turned to Kikyo, "what? They've known each other forever! You guys deserve a good photo together! I bet your mother will love it, Kagome!"
Too fucking good for this world.
I smiled at him. I couldn't not smile at him when he was being overly understanding and generous, even if that was his nature. Kikyo, on the other hand, clearly thought Hojo was just as naive and oblivious as Sango did.
Turning back to me, Hojo continued. "Inuyasha mentioned your feet are bothering you?"
He was killing me. Just… so thoughtful and amazing. A Cinnabon through and through.
"Yeah, just a little," I mumbled, looking down at the floor. "They are new… my mom thought they were pretty but…" I lifted a foot out of my shoe, exposing a red blister that was forming.
"Oh Kagome!" Hojo cried, placing his hands lightly on my shoulders, "you don't have to stay for my sake! Do you need help getting home?"
"Actua-"
"Nah, I'm taking her back," Inuyasha stepped in.
Hojo looked over at him, blinking a moment before smiling again and turning to confront him. He patted my king on the shoulder, eliciting a growl from Inuyasha who didn't like to be touched by others, though it did nothing to deter Hojo. "Thank you for taking care of Kagome! I wish there were more guys like you. You're a really good friend to her."
I could see that Inuyasha wanted to insult him but stopped just short of doing so and let Hojo turn back to me. Though, Inuyasha continued to glare at the spot on his shoulder that Hojo had so rudely disturbed.
"So, you're leaving? Just like that?" Kikyo muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I can't just abandon her," Inuyasha insisted.
I fidgeted with my fingers awkwardly while Hojo took up a spot next to me as Kikyo continued to bicker with Inuyasha. I could practically hear Kikyo's thoughts between her conversation with Inuyasha. Her jaw was clenched and her eyes were hard. She was not happy. I didn't know if Inuyasha was aware that he was pissing her off or if he simply didn't care if he was, all I knew was that she would almost certainly give me hell for not telling him to stay with her.
That had been the point of her conversation with me, hadn't it? To ask-tell me to back off my best friend so that she could swoop in? Nothing about hanging off of him in front of everyone at the school dance could be construed as backing off. If anything, I had dangled my intimacy with him right in front of her - it was something she desired but couldn't quite grasp, if their bickering over his leaving was anything to go by.
"Kikyo, I can keep you company if you like," Hojo offered, squeezing my hand reassuringly. "Kagome really shouldn't stay on her feet with blisters like that. We should let them get going. I'm sure Inuyasha will call you later."
Oh… Hojo…
Inuyasha smiled smugly at Kikyo, clearly feeling like he'd won a victory over her though I doubt any one else would have considered that a victory.
"Fine," Kikyo yielded, throwing one last quick yet piercing glare in my direction.
"Here, I have your coat and your purse," Hojo murmured, draping my cardigan over me and handing me the rest of my things. "Text me when you're back? And take care of your feet!"
"I will, thanks," I replied, nodding kindly over at him as he let me walk out the front door with Inuyasha.
I stutter stepped in my heels, with Inuyasha slowly walking next to me, until he stopped me when we were no longer in view of the cafeteria where the dance was being held. More specifically, I thought, when we were out of Kikyo's sight.
"You can't walk the rest of the way like that," Inuyasha barked. "You're going to make it worse."
"I'll be fine," I waved off, taking another painful step forward, grimacing.
"Kags," he pressed.
"Yash," I replied, "what else am I going to do? I'm not walking barefoot on the dirty ground in the middle of the night with an open wound."
"I can carry you, dummy," he sneered.
"Yash, really!" I tried, "it's not the first time I've gotten a blister and it won't be the last!"
"But you don't need to make it worse!"
I exhaled loudly, ignoring him and continuing to awkwardly walk forward. Beauty is pain after all.
My king would not be disobeyed though.
"I'm warning ya!" He exclaimed catching up to me easily.
"Yash!" I laughed, "I'm fine, really."
He didn't listen. He never did. Instead, I felt an arm circle around my waist, lifting me easily off the ground and into the air. I squeaked in surprise before my abdomen connected with his hard shoulder making me cough while his arm slid to the crease on the back of my knees, carrying me over his shoulder like I was a rag doll instead of a mostly full-grown woman.
"Yash!" I cried, my hair flipping over and blurring my vision.
"Yeah?" He replied, his walk bouncing me on his shoulder.
"Okay! You win!"
"I'm aware," he scoffed jovially.
"Okay, but… this hurts and I'm getting dizzy!" I bemoaned.
Wordlessly, he lowered me to the ground, raising a smug brow when I winced as weight returned to my battered feet. I took in a hissing breath as the sting settled in. He only gave me a moment to steady myself though, before he knelt down.
"Come on, I'll give you a piggy back ride," he mumbled.
"But… won't my dress come up?" I worried my lip.
He sighed in frustration, sliding out of his suit jacket and wrapping it around my waist, tying and wrinkling the fabric as he did so. I opened my mouth to protest but he beat me to it. "Don't," he warned, gold eyes hitting mine before they flitted back down to his hands.
I nodded, feeling the extra length and weight of the jacket around my hips pressing the back of the dress down. When he knelt again, I didn't hesitate. I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt his hands glide up my thighs leaving a burning trail that made my heart and fantasies race, hoisting me up off my feet. To my disappointment, he readjusted the location of his hands once I was balanced on his back, my legs wrapping around his sides while he held me under the knee again.
"I'm not too heavy right?" I asked in a self conscious whisper, also cognizant that my mouth was close to his ears and that he wouldn't need or probably want me to speak at normal volume.
"Is a feather heavy?" Inuyasha replied sarcastically.
"I guess not," I murmured, resting my head on his shoulder as he walked us both back to my place. "Yash?" I asked a few minutes in.
"Hmm?"
"Why did you use my full name back there?" It had been bugging me.
He shrugged noncommittally, "dunno."
"Hmph." It wasn't an elegant response but it got the point across to him.
"I-I didn't want you outing my lie," he whispered. It was such a timid and soft sound that had my ear not been inches from his mouth I was sure I would have missed it.
"Why did you lie to begin with?"
He groaned, not enjoying my prying but he still answered. "I didn't want to be there anymore."
"Why?"
"What's with all the questions?!" Inuyasha whined, briefly turning his head so he could meet my gaze out of the corner of his eye.
"Just trying to understand."
"Because…"
"Because?"
Inuyasha huffed loudly, facing forward again. Even in the dark night, with our only light being the occasional street lamp, I saw his cheeks color. "Because… I-I don't know how to dance…"
That statement startled me. Surely we had danced before in our youth?! I paused, thinking back through my memories like a Rolodex. Flipping through the years one by one. I could feel the muscles in his back tense as I worked backwards trying to recall all the times I had thought we danced.
"Oh," I mumbled, realizing that I actually didn't have a memory of him dancing. I had danced multiple times, usually and literally, dancing circles around him. He had never joined with me. It had made me sad and feel ashamed. How had I never noticed that he didn't partake in it with me?
Because Inuyasha had always told me he hated it. I remembered that.
"I thought you didn't like it?" I questioned.
"I don't like it because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing," he growled.
"Ah." It made sense. Inuyasha had always gravitated toward the things he was good at, whether or not he liked them. If he was good at them, no one could make fun of him, like they had when we were in elementary school. "You're mom never taught you?"
"Why would my mother teach me?" He asked, sneering as he spoke.
"My mother taught me," I replied, looking up and noticing that we were almost on the grounds of the family shrine.
"It's different," he grumbled, bounding up the stairs, two at a time.
I remained silent until he got to the top, then I spoke. "Put me down," I commanded, not harshly but with enough force that he turned to face me and even though his expression was questioning he still obeyed.
I grimaced again, blistered and swollen feet sliding back into their confinement and pressing back into the pain. I untied his jacket and handed it over to him, before then sliding off my cardigan and stutter-walking over to the side of the shrine.
"Kags, what-" He began, watching me place my cardigan on the ground and pull out my phone.
My thumbs swiped across the screen and I smiled when I found the playlist I wanted. I turned the volume up and placed the phone on the ground before turning back over to him. "Come here," I beckoned.
"Why?" Inuyasha asked, skeptical.
"Because I'm going to show you how to dance. It's easy," I replied, gesturing for him to come closer with my hand.
"Kags," he whined.
"Inuyasha," I stated firmly. "You used me to get out of a lie and put me in an uncomfortable spot with your girlfrie-"
"She's not my-"
"Kikyo, then. You put me in an awkward spot with Kikyo. You owe me," I commented. He rolled his eyes and his whole head along with them in exasperation but didn't fight me further. He walked right up to me, his head hanging to the side, eyes narrowed. "Okay," I murmured, grabbing his hands and placing one on my hip, and clasping the other in mine. "This is where your hands go, see?"
"Yes," he whined.
"Now, listen for the beat. You move in time with that, okay?"
"But aren't there like set steps and shit?"
"Yeah, we'll get to that but the steps don't help if you're off rhythm."
"Ugh," he bemoaned again.
I gave him a dry look then led him in time with the music, softly I tried to encourage him and show him. He could be as embarrassed as he wanted, I was his best friend and I wasn't going to berate him or denigrate him for trying something new.
To my relief and surprise, he followed easily. He still had a scowl on his face, and I was almost positive I could hear his heart beating with how it seemed to thunder in his chest but his feet moved far more easily than my swollen nubs and after only a few minutes his griping quieted down. He focused on the movements and I could even see his ears swivel every once in a while, picking up the new tones set out as a different song from the playlist came on.
"See?" I whispered, a broad smile breaking free. "It's not that hard."
"Yeah, whatever," he grumbled. "Is-is this how your mother taught you?"
"No," I laughed, pausing to breathe and call forward the recollection of dancing across the kitchen with my mother when Sota was too young to remember. "I was really small when she began wanting to dance with me. To teach me the steps, she had me place my feet on top of hers," I continued, wiggling in my heels for emphasis. "So, because I wasn't that heavy at the time, I would put stand on my tip toes and place them on top of hers and she would hold me in place. She taught me by moving her feet and, consequently, my feet with her."
He nodded, looking down and frowning.
"What's the face for?" I hummed.
"Can we try that?" Inuyasha asked, tone a husky and low mix of something I didn't quite recognize.
"No!" I laughed, "I'll crush your feet!" I lifted up a foot to show off the thin metal heel for emphasis.
"Well take off the heels then!" He chastised, "they give you blisters anyway!"
"Well take off the heels then!" I mocked, pulling away from him, immediately missing the heat from his touch on my hip and in my hand. "They give you blisters anyway!"
Inuyasha scrunched his face at me, as I bent, the necklace bouncing up and down on my chest like one of those ridiculous Newton's Cradles that everyone has on their work desks. "Don't mock me!"
"I'll mock you if I want to!" I teased, tossing my heels to the side, with care of course, before stepping back up to him. I looked up at him, a comment stuck in my throat as I noticed that his gaze was fixated on my chest. I opened my mouth to scold him, a pang of self-consciousness settling in as I assumed he was staring at my boobs. I realized my assumption was wrong when a single clawed hand came up and gently swept up under the pendant I wore, his eyes coming back up to meet mine with a heat so luminous and dynamic that I was wiling to let it swallow me whole.
He held the little rose gold maple leaf, with its brilliant red veins, between two of his fingers while staring back at me in a way that made my heart flutter and knees weak.
I realized that Inuyasha had never looked at Kikyo like that. I had peaked at them at various intervals all evening and I had been jealous of the looks he bestowed upon her but not once had any of them came close to matching the way he perceived me in that moment.
The best way I can describe the difference would be like comparing the looks he gave us to a pond and a lake. The depth and magnificence of the lake, and the way he looked at me, was so much more bewitching and vast than the way he had gazed at her. I would have been happy to drown in him.
"I didn't realize you still had this," he murmured, pulling me out of my emotional tailspin.
"Why wouldn't I?" I asked, frowning and furrowing my brows.
"I just thought…" He began, a look of confusion settling across his own features while he silenced himself.
I gently placed a hand on his shoulder and reached for his other, reveling in the way he interlaced his fingers between mine, his other hand slowly laying the maple leaf down, leaving a burning trail of heat across my already flushed chest, his hand wrapping securely around my hip in a manner far more invigorating than I had taught him moments ago.
It was… exhilarating and scary.
Terrifying really.
I couldn't breathe the way he held me. My mind flashed back to the way Hojo had so cordially moved with me across the dance floor earlier and how different this felt. With Hojo there was a distinction between us, he was him and I was me, but with Inuyasha there was no separating line. His frame blurred into mine, his grip over me neither delicate nor cordial, but ardent with a splash of tenderness that wrapped around me like a weighted blanket and filled my entire existence with an electric sensation that I knew no other would be able to evoke.
I quietly, because really if I tried to speak my voice would have failed or cracked or I didn't even know what because speaking wasn't an option, placed the pads of my toes over his. I didn't want to talk, even if I wanted to know what the end of that sentence may have been, it was vastly over shadowed by my desire to maintain the high, to traverse it and to push forward and dance with my king.
Out of habit, I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, taking in a long, deep breath through my nose to steady my racing heart.
His hold of me tightened, those intense eyes dropping from my gaze for the briefest of moments, drawn to my lips, before looking back at me with a new heaviness that I didn't know but wanted to become intimately familiar with.
"Ready?" When Inuyasha spoke, it was slightly more coarse and potent, something like a mix of him just waking up and the current it held when he was angry, but far less menacing and significantly more overwhelming. It did nothing to quell my racing heart but instead made me feel five degrees warmer.
I was suddenly grateful I had shed my cardigan.
I didn't speak, because again… I couldn't. I nodded my affirmation feeling him shift his weight to one foot and moving the other.
First thing I realized as he attempted to mimic the way my mother had taught me to dance, was that this was a much harder method of practice when there were two mostly grown teens doing it than it was between a child and an adult. As Inuyasha shifted, I lost balance, gripping his hand tightly while my other one that had been resting on his shoulder swooped around his back, fully encircling him, leaning flush against him for balance and support.
Second thing I realized was how fucking gone I was. His hand that had been so deliciously placed on my hip looped around my back when I fell forward. My breath was shallow and my body acting on its own as I pulled him closer to me, so close that barely any of my weight remained on my feet.
I guarantee it wasn't the most romantic or probably even the most comfortable position for him but, fuck… You'd would have had to peel me off of him.
He had laughed, when I fell forward, before gripping me. I could feel his chest shaking as it came out and I prayed that it masked the struggle I was in to breathe.
I waited for him to loosen his hold, because that's what friends did, right? Yeah, they caught you but they also let you go. They'd make sure you were steady and then helped you back to your feet. Right?!
He didn't.
Even as the laugh subsided.
Even as the next song began to play in the background.
Even as the light from the house flipped on, no doubt a result of my mother hearing his barking laugh.
He held on.
I panicked. True fear and panic beginning to tear through my system because I didn't want this to be fake. I didn't want this to be something I was making up or reading too much into because it felt like something. Something he never gave Kikyo. I closed my eyes forcefully, slowly and with excruciating effort, loosening my hold of him not because I wanted to let go but because I wanted to see what look he had in his eyes then. I wanted to see what he was thinking and feeling.
Was it remorse? Was it pain? Was it regret?
Or was it like mine, full of fear but brimming with hope and affliction?
I pulled away, just enough to see his eyes. They were barely illuminated by the night lights outside the shrine but I'd never seen anything brighter. In school we'd learned that Galileo had gone blind staring into the sun. I had always thought he was a moron, until that moment, because even if Galileo may not have been compelled by beauty or an intense feeling of belonging when he looked at the sun, I had been when peering at my king. I would stare into those eyes until everything went dark as long as they looked at me like that.
Third thing I realized was that Inuyasha's phone was in his pocket. His pocket that was pressed against me. How do I know this? As I silently negotiated to sell my soul to whoever the hell I needed to for Inuyasha, his phone went off. Loudly and very aggressively against my hip. It startled both of us.
My brain went into autopilot, releasing him with a violent expediency that had me stumbling backward and gasping for air. Inuyasha looked more than a little alarmed himself and grabbed at his phone, bright eyes dulling instantly as he read the name on the screen.
I swallowed.
I knew it wasn't his mother calling. I knew it wasn't Miroku calling. I knew it wasn't Sango calling. And, I certainly wasn't calling…
His jaw tightened and his thumb hovered over the decline call button.