Disclaimer I do not own these characters, they belong to JKR
James did not remember that night, only remembering waking up to her soft snores. Lily wished she could forget, it would make her thoughts less of a jumble. She couldn't stop thinking about it, it haunted her. She had memorized his sleepy voice saying those words. Anytime she thought of it her chest ached. It had sounded so right coming from him. The first Hogsmeade visit was coming up soon, it had been pushed back to the second week of October due to the war. The 'Death-Eaters' had started growing even bolder, attacking muggles and muggle sympathizers alike. Everywhere she looked it seemed like more people were disappearing and dying. Stop it, Lily, you are only making yourself sad. She shook her head, grabbing her book bag from the end of the bed. Lily had barely made it out her door before she was shoved to the floor. A shaggy black dog licked her face excitedly. "What the fuck!" James stumbled out his door at Lily's yell.
"Oh, shit," he gulped. "Snuffles! Get off Lily, come here." The dog got off with an offended expression on its face.
"Your dog's name is Snuffles?" Lily asked, brushing herself off.
"Oh, he's not mine. He's Remus's. I have no idea why he keeps him, he's badly behaved," James told her. The dog snorted. Lily raised her eyebrows. "Er, anyway. Sorry, Lils. I'll keep him in my room."
"Thank you. Are you alright? You look exhausted."
"I'm fine, thanks. I'll see you in class?" Lily nodded but noted the way he balanced all his weight on one side. She walked off hearing James scold the dog. Once she was out of earshot Sirius transformed back.
"I'm going to kill you."
Remus wasn't in any of Lily's lessons that day, which was worrying. She asked the others if they had seen him at lunch. They all shook their heads and James fell asleep in his mashed potatoes. Lily laughed at him, before shaking him awake. Sirius laughed at his ruined hair before James threw some in his direction. Sirius actually whined and checked his hair to make sure it hadn't messed it up. Peter toed Lily's shin. "Rem said his grandmother was very sick so Dumbledore is letting him visit," Peter reported.
"Thanks, Pete. Hey, you okay?" Lily questioned with a concerned frown. He squeaked a little and nodded. Isn't it odd that Remus's grandmother is sick? I swear she's sick every other week. Isn't it a little strange that James and Peter look so tired? Do you think they are planning something because Merlin knows there hasn't been a prank yet and they are always so elaborate. Luckily for Lily, Remus was back the next day looking a little worse for wear. "Remus! Oh, thank Merlin you are back, I need sanity," Lily joked.
"Excuse you! I am perfectly sane," Marlene quipped. Remus smiled as the group delved into their usual chaos. Lily squeezed his arm.
"Seriously Rem, I'm happy you're back," she whispered.
Hogsmeade weekend was finally upon them. The group had decided to all walk together into town but then split up. Emmeline, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, and Alice crashed into Lily's room early that morning. They took their time getting dolled up. Lily was kind of excited to see James's face when he saw her. Lily thought she looked damned good and the girls all agreed. Her hair had been smoothed out and it brushed her waist gently. She donned a denim jacket over her striped long sleeve. She zipped her boots up underneath her bellbottoms. She slid sunglasses on top of her head. Once they were all ready they met up with the boys outside the Grand Hall. Sirius wore his leather jacket, as usual, shades already perched on his nose. Remus was bundled up in jumpers and Peter was missing. James was there with someone under his arm. I'm sorry? Are we all seeing this shit? Is that Elena? Elena? As in that bitch Elena? The one who hates our fucking guts? James must be on some shit. Absolutely not. OH FUCK THEY ARE COMING THIS WAY. BRACE YOURSELF.
"Hey Lily-flower, you know Elena, right?" James smiled at Lily.
"Yes, good to see you. Are you joining us today?" Lily asked politely. Damn you Mum for my manners. You have never had a problem with being a bitch before. Ow. Elena giggled.
"Yes. See Jamesie here asked me and of course I had to say yes!" Elena laughed. Oh, mother fuck. This day is going to be so fucking long.
"Lily! Come here a minute! Sorry Prongs!" Sirius yelled. Lily immediately left with a fake smile in place.
"Bless you, good man. I have so many questions?" Lily said.
"Don't we all?" Marlene commented. Alice joined the small huddle with Frank in tow.
"Hey, isn't that Elena?" The group nodded collectively. "What did I miss?" Lily shrugged.
"Today is going to be a great day," Lily sighed. Sirius clasped her shoulder.
"It'll be fine."
It was not fine. Lily was trying to enjoy a butterbeer with her mates and those two were playing tonsil hockey. She hated it. Wait, I thought he lov- shut the actual fuck up. We are blocking it out. It's fine. This is fine. "I'm going to Scrivenshaft's." Lily stood up.
"Wait, I'll come with you," Remus started.
"No, it's okay. Finish your butterbeer. I'll be right back," Lily assured. She pulled on her jacket. "Fucking Potter. Is he different? No, he isn't, still the same old man whore," she muttered to herself, not particularly watching where she was walking. Someone bumped into her rudely.
"Watch where you are walking, you filthy little mudblood," Avery sneered.
"Oh fuck off, you death-eater wannabe," Lily glared. Avery whipped out his wand.
"You want to try that again, whore?" Bellatrix Lestrange asked right in Lily's ear. Lily tried to hide her jump but Avery saw it anyway.
"Looks like the little mudblood is scared. As she should be," he taunted, pointing his wand under her chin. "Such a pretty face too. What a complete shame that you have such filthy blood." Lily didn't raise her wand in time for the hex that made a cut down her cheek or the one that carved an M into her wrist.
"LEAVE HER ALONE!" Alice stormed towards them, Frank quick on her heels. Avery and Bellatrix retreated with one last slash to Lily's thigh. Lily hissed out in pain.
"Lily?" Frank asked, trying to catch her attention.
"I'm fine, really. Just stings a bit," Lily lied. Liar. You should tell her the truth, she's your friend. That will only make it worse. Alice gasped when she looked at Lily's wrist.
"Lils, you're bleeding! A lot!" Alice worried. Lily smiled softly. "You need to go to the hospital wing!"
"Alice, I am fine. Really. I'll just mend it. No big deal," Lily said. Alice frowned. Lily pouted at Frank. Frank sighed.
"Let me clean it for you, Lily. You can mend it and then when we get back to the school Alice and I will take you to the hospital wing," Frank stated, leaving no room for an argument for either of the girls.
"Fine, but please don't tell anyone," Lily pleaded.
"Lily!" Alice protested.
"Alice, I'm serious. Telling everyone will only make it worse. I can handle it. I promise," Lily smiled. Alice sighed.
"Fine, I promise I won't tell the others."
"Neither will I. Now let's get you cleaned up," Frank suggested.
"Thank you," Lily said with a slight smile. She winced when Frank cleaned the blood off. She mended the three marks, and Alice mended the cut in her jeans.
"I don't want you going anywhere without one of us," Alice told her firmly. When Lily opened her mouth to protest, Alice hushed her. "No, you don't get to say no. Lily, think of what would've happened if we hadn't seen you?" Lily grumbled unintelligibly. "That's what I thought." The trio went about their errands, the couple not letting Lily slip out of sight. They ran into Marlene and Dorcas outside of Honeydukes. Both girls looked suspiciously disheveled. Marlene squinted at Lily.
"What. Is. That?" Marlene growled. Lily rolled her eyes.
"Calm down Marls, I tripped. You know how I am," Lily laughed. Dorcas raised an eyebrow.
"Swear?" Marlene asked. Lily nodded with a smile. You are a dirty rotten liar.
Sirius burst into her room and flopped on her bed. "You are so lucky you escaped. They were so gross. It was like watching two Octopus? Octopi? Whatever, mating." Lily laughed slightly. Sirius, we don't want to hear it, Merlin. Sirius turned and looked at her. He stared at her. "What the fuck happened to your face? And don't you fucking lie either. I am an expert in lying when people hurt me, so what the bloody hell happened?" Lily sighed, she had been lucky earlier with Dorcas and Marlene believing her and Mary and Emmeline not seeing it yet. James was too caught up with Elena, and Remus hadn't seen her since she left the Three Broomsticks.
"Don't freak?" she asked. He nodded. She pulled her sleeve up to the slight M scar on her wrist. He let out a long breath.
"Mulciber?" he asked.
"Avery." she corrected. "I went to the hospital wing and it's going to be fine. So don't you worry."
"Does anyone know?" Sirius pushed her sleeve down. They laid back on the bed, staring at the canopy above them.
"Alice and Frank, they stopped it. Marlene thinks I fell, but other than that no." Sirius pulled his sleeve up. 'Traitor' was carved in skinny letters on his left arm. Lily traced it. She raised an eyebrow in question.
"Mother and Father Black didn't like that I'm in Gryffindor. They think I'm a blood traitor," Sirius told her bitterly.
"I'm sorry, Si," Lily whispered.
"'S okay. Mum and Dad took me in, I ran away last summer. The Potters have always been too good to me," he whispered back.
"You deserve kindness, Sirius. Don't you doubt that," Lily told him fiercely.
"Thanks, Red." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He smiled at her. "Are we going to talk about your feelings yet?" Lily shook her head.
"If I pretend they don't exist I can't get hurt," Lily stated.
"You wouldn't."
"I would. New topic. Tell me about that hickey on your neck."
"That bitey bastard," Sirius gasped. "He's ruining my perfect skin. I'm revolting." She laughed at him, listening to him talk made her forget how much her heart hurt. Marlene came by and curled into bed with them.
"I can't believe I was left out of this cuddle session," she told them holding Lily's free hand. Lily laughed at her.
"It was more of a gossip session really," Sirius said.
"Oh well in that case," Marlene started. She caught the two up on every piece of gossip from the last month and a half and some stories from the summer. Lily smiled, she was safe here between her two insatiable gossip siblings.
It seemed like Elena and James had made it their personal life goal to haunt every spot when she was doing her patrols. She had to break them up all over the castle. Part of her, the spot sprung from her pettiness, enjoyed interrupting. The other part hated seeing them together, knowing they were doing all sorts of things. Halloween was on Saturday and the Marauders were having a party. Lily wanted to get absolutely shit-faced. Remus, surprisingly, had been the one to help choose her costume. She had felt a little guilty about spending so much time with Sirius and the girls and not enough with him. He had told her though that he had been too busy studying to be any fun anyway. Still, on Friday after classes, they went to the library together to power through their homework. Lily missed his company greatly, she was sure Remus felt the same. In the quiet atmosphere of scratching quills and the occasional thump of a book, Lily told Remus how she felt about James. She hadn't said any of it out loud before and she was sure if any of the girls or Sirius found out that she told Remus first they would throw a fit. Remus was a quiet but attentive listener, offering sympathetic hums here and there. When her heart was laid bare, Remus merely gathered her in a tight hug. Lily felt better, her chest lighter after venting her feelings. "Remus, I think I was too late, in realizing it all."
"Maybe, maybe not. I think he still loves you, Lily. Very much. He's just distracted right now, he'll refocus." Lily hugged him tighter. Sirius found them after dinner asleep, holding hands, and ink drying on Lily's hair. He laughed and woke them gently telling them to hurry the hell up unless they wanted to get caught. Lily hugged both her boys goodnight and went off to her dorm. "She told me."
"I figured, I'm glad she got it out. Even better it was to you," Sirius winked, dodging the half-hearted slap aimed his way.
Lily and the girls got ready in the girls' dorm instead of Lily's. They even helped some of the younger students get ready. Dorcas and Marlene were Velma and Daphne from the American cartoon Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! Alice and Frank were doing a couple's pirates costume. Mary and Emmeline were Wonder Woman and Batgirl. Lily dressed in a white long sleeve mini shift dress and knee-high white gogo boots. Marlene helped put her hair into two buns. After doing her makeup Lily was ready. Oh hell yeah, rock their world, Lily Evans. Everyone walked downstairs, leaving Lily to go last. She got a lot of attention when she came into the common room. "Damn, Lily, you look amazing. I assume this is Remus's idea," Sirius complimented, pressing a kiss to her cheek.
"Of course it was. Now, I am going to get myself a drink and forget these past few weeks. Join me?" Lily invited with a tilt of her head to the makeshift bar. Sirius laughed. Lily forgot a lot of her issues, focusing on the drink in her hand, the beat of the music, and the sound of her friends' laughter. She danced with Marlene, Dorcas, Emmeline, Mary. She pulled Alice and Frank out from behind the bar and danced with them too. She danced with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Not once did she pay any attention to James and Elena.
Lily kissed some seventh-year Hufflepuff on a dare, she kissed another in a dark corner. She was alive.
Merlin, did she feel alive the next morning. She barely made it into the bathroom before throwing up a shit ton. "That is so trashy, regretting your slutty decisions Evans?" Elena asked, stepping into the bathroom wearing James's shirt and virtually nothing else. Lily gagged.
"Fuck off, Hearst. I don't need your shit," Lily told her before throwing up a bit more.
"Lena? C'mon love," James whined. He entered the bathroom shirtless. He took in the sight of Lily hunched over the loo, Elena standing at the sink brushing her teeth. "Hey Lils, you feeling okay?"
"I'm fucking peachy Potter," Lily grumbled, she gagged a little. Elena scoffed.
"Back to last names are we?" James joked.
"I will throw up on you," Lily threatened. James laughed and led Elena out of the bathroom. Mary came in a moment later.
"Are you regretting your life choices yet?" Mary asked with no sympathy.
"That's not how you are supposed to treat me, you are supposed to be the nicest one," Lily groaned. Mary giggled and handed her a hangover potion. "You are the love of my life."
"As you keep telling me, Lils. Feel any better yet?" Mary smoothed Lily's hair back. Lily nodded. Slowly Mary helped Lily up from the floor and put her in the bath. "I'm going to get you some clean clothes, don't drown I'll be right back. If you ask nicely I'll even wash your hair." Lily smiled up at her.
"My soulmate." Mary laughed at Lily's pleading eyes. Lily splashed her hands softly on the water. She felt better. Mary came back with clothes in hand and a brush.
"Let's get you cleaned up Head Girl," Mary teased. Lily stuck her tongue out. Mary washed Lily's hair gently, combing it out with her fingers.
"I'm sorry," Lily whispered.
"What for?" Mary asked, massaging Lily's scalp.
"I haven't been spending a lot of time with you, individually I mean. I've been trying to spend time with everyone all at once that I've forgotten to spend time one on one. I feel awful," Lily said, leaning back a little to look at Mary.
"Oh, Lils. Don't you worry about that. You've been doing your best haven't you? You have so much to juggle this year, none of us are upset at you for not spending every waking moment with us. We are a little more mature than that, love. Plus Em keeps me company," Mary reassured. Mary helped Lily out of the bath and handed her a towel. "Put your wet clothes over there, I'll lay them out to dry a bit before I put them in the hamper." Lily did as instructed and got dressed in an old shirt of her dad's. Mary had her sit on the bathroom counter criss-cross. Mary brushed out Lily's hair, drying it at intervals. While doing so, they gossiped and caught up on the little details of each other's lives that they had missed. Lily hopped down from the counter and pulled Mary down the hall. She laughed when she saw her friends waiting for her on various surfaces.
"There's our party girl! How are you feeling?" Marlene asked.
"Better, but, cuddle gossip session anyway?" Lily suggested. Everyone laughed piling onto the bed, Remus joining them this time after shutting the door. Lily looked up at Remus as if asking permission. He nodded with a slight smile. After they were all settled, Lily in the middle, she began telling them about her feelings about James. "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him," she finished her tale.
"I can go beat him up," Dorcas offered. Lily laughed wetly.
"Hey, that's still my best mate, even if he's the stupidest male on the planet," Sirius protested. Dorcas shrugged.
"I'll still beat him up."
"I think you should tell him," Alice suggested.
"He's with Elena right now. I'm not going to cause that trainwreck," Lily said sadly.
"It's already a trainwreck," Emmeline commented.
"Well yes, but Lily, do what will make you happiest," Marlene offered with a smile.
"I agree with Marlene," Remus said.
"It's a miracle, someone write that down. On this day Remus John Lupin agreed with Marlene Mckinnon," Lily narrated. The group laughed and moved on. When everyone was leaving, Sirius stayed behind.
"I'm proud of you Red. Taking back your life, recognizing your feelings," Sirius told her, pulling her into a hug. "Thanks, Si. Don't you have Quidditch practice now?"
"Oh shit. He's a madman, I tell you," Sirius complained, running out the door with a wave. Lily was left alone with Chewy and her thoughts. No one teased us, obviously, we have really good friends, hell yeah we do.
The first Quidditch match of the year was today. All week Gryffindor and Slytherin had been at each other's throats. It was awful, stinging hexes and tripping jinxes were thrown in the hallway, no one was safe. The players were all stressed out, making it hard to hold a conversation with any of them. When Lily had rolled her eyes at everyone's behavior and said "Honestly it's just a dumb sport", James, Marlene, Emmeline, Dorcas, and Sirius didn't talk to her for a whole day. The Quidditch team ate their breakfast early, forcing the friend group to go down early to support them. Lily, who hated mornings, tried her very best to not be a grouchy bitch the whole time. "Oh cheer up Lils, it's going to be great! The first match of the year!" Emmeline exclaimed.
"It's too bloody early," Lily whined. Everyone rolled their eyes. Sirius gave Remus his leather jacket to wear during the game.
"For good luck," Sirius winked. Remus blushed slightly. Lily awed and Remus shoved her into Dorcas. Remus slid the jacket on with a smile. Sirius gaped a little and cleared his throat.
"Control yourself, Black," Lily teased. He shot her a glare.
"Now you don't get the other jacket," he informed her pettily.
"No, no, Si, I'm sorry," Lily apologized. Sirius sniffed haughtily.
"That's what I thought," he threw his big jumper that had a pocket in the front to her. She slipped it on and cuddled to Remus.
"This game is going to be fucking cold," Remus sighed. Lily nodded. The Quidditch players left with calls of good luck following them from their friends. The Hogwarts students slowly started drifting out to the stadium. Despite the cold everyone was excited and cheery.
"Hogwarts! It is the first highly anticipated Quidditch match of the year, Gryffindor vs. Slytherin! Coming out now is the Gryffindor team! Chasers are as follows, Captain James Potter, Emmeline Vance, Madelyn McGonagall. Beaters, Sirius Black and Evan Rivia. Keeper Marlene Mckinnon. Seeker LeeAnn Smith," the commentator announced. Lily and her friends cheered madly for their team. Lily could admit that despite how overrated the sport was it was still bloody amazing to watch. The match went on for two hours before LeeAnn dived for the Snitch, giving Gryffindor the win. The stands roared with the victory with boos coming from the snakes.
"PARTY IN THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM!" Sirius announced with a bright grin on his face. The party was in full swing before the team actually entered. It only got louder when they entered. Sirius swept Remus away and neither were seen for thirty minutes. Lily went up to James after he finished macking on Elena.
"Congratulations on your first win, Captain," Lily grinned.
"Thanks, Lily. I'm surprised you even came," James confided. Lily furrowed her eyebrows.
"Of course I did, I have to support my friends," Lily told him before heading off for a drink. She missed the way his eyes trailed after her slightly. The party continued well into the night, being broken up by Professor McGonagall at three in the morning.
"I am so glad we won, but honestly, it is time to dial it down. Head students, I expect you to wrap this up," McGonagall lectured. The students waited until she was gone before laughing.
"Alright, anyone not sixth-year or seventh-year you heard her, off to bed with you hooligans," James shooed the grumbling students upstairs. "Let the real fun begin."
Two updates so close together? It must be a miracle. This is the longest chapter yet. I really hope you guys enjoy! I base most of Lily's thoughts on shit I say which is wack. Also, do you guys know that scene in Thor: Ragnorak where Odin says oh shit and spits out his wine, that's how I imagined James saying it when he found Snuffles on top of Lily. I know it seems sort of judgy about Elena and I know that's like wrong but she's lowkey based off someone I used to be friends with. And also I'm a bitch so I have no problem being a bitch to a fictional character. I've been adding more scenes to slow the plot down but to also give it more substance. I am actually starting to be really proud of this story and I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Should I bump up the rating? For the language? Also Platonic cuddles are amazing fight me. Off topic but I am becoming a legal adult in five days and I have no idea what to do with my life, like I am so proud of myself for making it this far but what the hell am I supposed to do next? I'm pretty sure this is the longest authors note I have ever written. Anyway. ENJOY THE CHAPTER!
Love
M