The gross, prying eyes of the barbarians we called classmates were glued to me the moment I walked into school the following Monday after the New Moon. It had started like a small tic in the back of my brain as I walked to school. I could feel it, an itch I couldn't scratch, until I looked over and noticed that another student was watching me and whispering to her friend as they both stared unabashedly at me like I had poop on my head or something else utterly moronic and worthy of those wide-eyed judgmental and nosy gazes they'd directed toward me. The closer I got to the school the worse it became. The stares were constant and the prattling like a dull roar in my ears.
"Ignore them," Sango stated loudly so that the plebeians who meandered a little too closely to us could clearly hear her disdain for their penchant for using us as entertainment, coming up to my side the moment my feet crossed the threshold into the school. She'd been waiting for me.
"Did I miss something?" I muttered, keeping my head down and trying to avoid the many gazes that were suddenly interested in my totally banal stroll to homeroom.
"Um, yeah… were you not there on Friday when Inuyasha basically told Kikyo to hop off his dick and yours in front of literally everyone?" Sango asked dryly and, I assumed, rhetorically.
I had been there, obviously, but I would not have phrased the fight that occurred that day the way Sango had. "That's not exactly how I remember it…" I murmured, frowning at the memory. No, see, I remembered feeling like shit and awkwardly placing my best friend in the position of having to handle his girlfriend on a day that I was well aware was already hard on him but… she clearly didn't think of it like that.
Sango sighed heavily, her fingers wrapping around my wrist tightly before practically tossing me into the women's room when we were roughly ten feet from Inuyasha and Miroku, who were both waiting for us in the hall by our class.
"What-"
"Kagome," she hissed, releasing my arm and rubbing her temples with the pads of her fingers, looking up to the ceiling as if silently praying to some god for help. "Most of the class heard him tell Kikyo that you were his priority and…" Sango paused for effect, that mulberry gaze sternly finding mine, a delicate brow lifting for emphasis, "most of the class saw him reach for you and the way you immediately - without a single moment of hesitation - reached for him."
None of this was new information to me. It was what it was. I had been there. I remembered it all. Everything from that Friday and everything that had transpired early Saturday morning had been swirling around my mind on a loop that permeated even my unconscious thoughts making for some very vivid and only slightly unwelcome dreams.
But the point was that that had been what was normal between Inuyasha and I. Those touches, that closeness, all of it had been standard between us prior to Kikyo. We always reached out for each other, just because our classmates had only just noticed it for the first time after Kikyo had failed to successfully sever some of the ties that tethered Inuyasha and I hadn't made that fact less true. And I didn't think that there was any reason to change my behavior just because people were noticing it.
Like, okay, cool, you want a cookie for using your eyes? No.
"Okay, so-"
"So?!" Sango exclaimed in exasperation, looking like she'd be having an easier time conversing with a wall than me.
"Inuyasha and I reach for each other all the time-" I tried to explain, hearing how pathetic my own voice sounded as I answered.
"Yeah, I'm aware," she hissed, going back to rubbing her temples before sighing and changing the direction of our chat. "Kikyo is going to end things with him. That's the rumor and what everyone is whispering about."
I shrugged. It didn't really matter to me if she would. Inuyasha had already told me that if Kikyo didn't end it he would. At the end of the day the result would be the same regardless and I couldn't fathom why that information was so monumental to Sango that she felt the need to shove me in the bathroom first thing in the morning.
Sango looked at me expectantly only to sigh loudly in exasperation when I stared blankly back at her waiting for additional elaboration.
"We need a game plan!" Sango announced finally, throwing her hands up in the air. "Inuyasha's about to be single again! Let's make sure he's not single for long."
I frowned then, shoulders slumping at her statement but she continued, pressing on despite my nonverbal displeasure.
"So, how do you want to do this? Should we get you and him on a double-date with Miroku and Koharu? Did you want me to whisper sweet nothings about you in his ear? Or… or… my personal favorite… we can get you a trench coat and you show up wearing noth-"
"Sango, can we please just get through the day?" I asked, not meanly but, honestly, out of exhaustion. I'd barely slept all weekend because I wasn't dumb people! I may have been stubborn and a little oblivious but I wasn't dumb… I was a hormonally charged teenager who was still frightened of losing her best friend but also realizing that my lack of honesty with him was what had pushed us too close to the brink. And here's the thing, I was well aware that Inuyasha was about to be on the freaking market again, okay?!
Gosh, what else would have kept me up all weekend?! Sure, I had some fun fantasies of making more blanket forts in the future and kissing him senseless within the warm, plush privacy it permitted but it was the anxiety of it all.
I had to tell him.
I just… when? How? My anxiety told me to shelf the issue but I knew I couldn't do that any longer so I was bumbling around my own damn mind to figure out how to make my confession as painless as possible because fuck did it need to come out. I'd been an absolute mess after leaving him after the New Moon, dazed and drunk on everything fucking him. I was a feral raccoon, nearly frothing at the mouth for more of him but I really couldn't tell him that. I mean, would you like a girl coming up to you and basically telling you that your mere presence makes her rabid and wet?
Actually… you know what? I know some of you would so never mind.
Point being, I was panicking so much that I'd honestly contemplated just sending him an email that I knew he wouldn't read…
"Fine," she groaned, crossing her arms over her chest and leading us out of the bathroom, grumbling under her breath about how difficult I was as if she wasn't stubborn in her own way. I could already feel her blowing up my phone with secret messages detailing her various schemes to… what was it she'd said earlier? Oh yeah, to make our precious puppy, Inuyasha, 'howl at the moon' or something…
"Good talk?" Miroku had posed the question to Sango but was looking directly at me. It was… strange and I didn't care for the way his eyes had a wicked glint to them. My duke and duchess were really a match-making duo from hell both clearly determined not to waste a single opportunity no matter how ugly the circumstances.
"I needed a tampon," Sango lied, glaring at Inuyasha and daring him to catch her in his lie. He rolled his amber eyes but didn't say anything. His ears were pinned to the back of his head and he looked more than a little surly.
"What's up your butt?" She asked, poking Inuyasha.
"The rumors," Miroku responded for him. "People are not very good at whispering."
"I have ear plugs," I offered, already reaching for them in my bag.
"Don't worry about it," Inuyasha mumbled, gold gaze meeting mine and looking both so normal while at the same time setting my stupid heart ablaze because all I could think about was waking up and watching the sun burn in his fucking irises as he'd clutched me next to him.
I blushed immediately and dropped my gaze because it wasn't Friday and I knew he would be able to pick up on my spiking anxiety if I didn't get my feelings under control and the last thing I wanted was him thinking that I wasn'tunabashedly thrilled to have that image of him tattooed to the back of my eye lids.
"Have you talked to Kikyo?" Sango asked, glaring down another classmate that got a little too close when they had heard Sango's question and wanted in on the gossip. "When did you get so popular?" She sneered sarcastically.
"I have not," Inuyasha replied through clenched teeth, pulling his eyes off me and forcing them shut. It looked like he had a headache coming on the way he tried in vain to press his ears closer to his skull while releasing a long exhale through his nose.
"Is that a bad thing?" She continued to press, not-so-subtly looking over at me between asking the questions we all already knew the answers to and didn't actually need confirmation on.
"Oh look," Miroku interjected flatly, "speak of the devil."
I didn't mean to but I gulped loudly, letting go of my bag. My gaze flickered up to Miroku, watching as he looked behind me, before I reflexively looked toward Inuyasha. My heart was still racing faster than it should have been and I began to wring out my fingers. Rude doubts flooded my mind especially when I saw that Inuyasha wasn't looking back at me but was staring at what I only assumed was Kikyo's image approaching. I bit down on my lip, trying to breathe through it all.
A hush settled in the hall that made me want to hiss at every single one of the goddam idiots around us as Kikyo closed in on us.
I stifled the urge to be just like all of the other students and look over at her, though I was equally as curious to know when she'd talk to Inuyasha or if she'd talk to him… She'd ignored most of his texts over the weekend so I really wasn't sure which route she'd take to address things with him.
I got my answer when she walked right up to him, smiling like nothing had changed, attempting to launch into basic chit chat with us about our weekends. My head tilted to the side, confusion evident in the pinch of my face as I watched her ignore the same look of surprise and slight irritation in Inuyasha's expression.
"This is weird," Sango whispered into my ear.
I nodded silently.
Before we could do anything the warning bell rang. I took in a long drag of a breath, spinning on my heels before immediately walking into homeroom, Inuyasha only a step behind me.
Wordlessly, I took my seat, though I was positive he would be able to sense my nervousness. Well, he would have if Inuyasha had been paying attention to me… I looked over and found the boy just blinking.
Evidently, he was just as puzzled as the rest of us.
The entire morning was like that… weird in like an almost psychedelic way where it didn't feel totally real. It got even more surreal when Inuyasha and I parted for one of the few classes he and I didn't have together that semester only for me to find Kikyo standing outside the door to my next course.
I sighed, frowning and gripping the straps to my bag extra tightly as I walked over. Her gaze watched me from half-way down the hall until I paused about two feet from her. "What's up?" I mumbled, nibbling anxiously on my bottom lip. Our conversations never went well and I was mentally preparing for a lashing.
She pushed herself off the wall she'd been leaning on and looked me straight in the eye. "I want to apologize for my behavior last Friday. I know that made you uncomfortable and I said things I shouldn't have."
I nodded slowly. It was nice I guess… but it felt like too little to late. At least… it was too late for Kikyo to fix her relationship with me. She and I had too much bad blood. I did have to respect her though. It couldn't have been easy to confront me after all that had transpired. It wouldn't save her but she'd known that before she spoke to me.
"Thanks," I muttered, "but, uh… I think if there's anyone you owe an apology to its Yash."
That was true. I respected that she'd sought me out but, again, there wasn't enough material in the universe that would be able to rebuild the bridges she'd burnt between us. Knowing that, apologizing to me, while the noble thing to do, felt like a hollow gesture. I'd never go to bat for her again and at the end of the day it had been my king who had been the most hurt by the whole ordeal.
She'd made him into the bad guy when all he'd done was stick up for a friend when Kikyo refused to accept his boundaries. She needed to sow those oats or whatever.
Kikyo nodded in understanding before walking away.
I didn't like that I did it but I turned and I watched her go, biting more aggressively on my lip. I believed Inuyasha but I also knew that he didn't like causing other's pain. Watching her walk toward her own class a few doors down, I could see from the way her head hung lower than normal that Kikyo was already hurting.
She knew she'd fucked up. I didn't need to rub salt in her wounds and I chose not to.
My shoulders slumped as I took a seat in my next class, smiling weakly as Hojo waved at me. I sat in my normal seat, dropping my bag to the floor and sinking into the mass produced chair. I couldn't help but feel frustrated and sad.
Like my king, Kikyo had been in pain too. While I don't think it justified her actions or her reactions to the situation, it explained a lot.
"Hey," Hojo began cheerily. "Whatcha got there?" He asked, pointing to a side pocket on my bag.
"What?" I mumbled, leaning over and looking down, my gaze catching on something shiny. I shook my head as a big smile tugged up the corners of my mouth. Peaking out of the edge of my bag was a crinkled piece of foil that I knew well. I had no idea when he'd done it but… Inuyasha had left me a little something.
I had thought he didn't notice my anxiety from that morning. Evidently, I had been wrong. It was the second most reassuring thing he could have done for me at that moment and I was suddenly, hopelessly thrown back into my enamorment for him. The first most reassuring would have been to kiss the crazy out of me in a corner but his gesture did not go unappreciated.
I lifted it out of the pocket and unwrapped the candy, sliding it on my finger and looking at it proudly. "It's a ring pop," I answered.
A red one at that.
My favorite.
My mouth was still extra red as I walked over to the lunch line later that day, Sango practically nipping at my heels behind me.
"The bitch is ruining everything!" She whisper-yelled in my ear, tightly clutching her lunch tray and glaring at nothing in particular.
"Who, what, where, and when?" I asked, more concerned about the strange gelatinous thing that had made its way onto my plate than with whatever was irking Sango at that precise moment.
Sango rolled her eyes and sighed loudly, "Kikyo…"
"Ah," I replied, unable to match Sango's anger after having seen the other girl look so beaten down after apologizing to me.
She narrowed her gaze at me as we shuffled forward in the line. "How are you so calm about this right now?" Sango pressed, leaning toward me.
"So what if she apologized to me? I don't see how that 'ruins' anything," I replied flatly, grabbing some pre-packaged things that didn't jiggle weirdly whenever the tray moved before walking over to the register.
"Have you talked to Inuyasha?" She continued, still skeptical of my tranquility.
"Not about today," I answered honestly. I was pretty sure that, like me, he'd been positive that Kikyo would immediately launch into her break up spiel upon seeing him first thing in the morning so when that hadn't happened it had caught us both by surprise. Still, that didn't mean her break up speech wasn't coming it just stretched out the anxiety that he and I both felt on individual levels for different reasons.
Sango hummed a response but didn't inquire any further. We were both in the dark, trying to navigate uncharted waters. Inuyasha was the only one with a light and at that moment he seemed like he was struggling to figure out how to turn the damn thing on.
We walked over to the table where Miroku and Inuyasha were already seated, gold eyes immediately locking with mine. I gave him a small, timid smile, looking away when I felt my cheeks blush before biting down on my lip, sitting next to him and trying to breathe through the ache in my chest.
I was still having that reaction where I couldn't stifle my obnoxious crush on him.
He made it so much worse though because as I settled in my seat I felt him. The barest but surest pressure of his knee brushing against mine and staying there, the heat from his leg bleeding across mine. I stared more intently down at my food, feeling my cheeks turn pink while I tried to stifle the small, giggling smile I felt forcing its way onto my face because my crush was touching me and oh my stars!
As if Inuyasha and I didn't touch all the damn time… For whatever inexplicable reason though those 'normal' touches just felt so much less normal. They felt warmer and, most importantly, more intentional than before. Hence my constant, unyielding school-girl blushing. Ugh.
Sango plopped down loudly next to Miroku, rattling the table but not Inuyasha's closeness to me. I swear I almost started fanning myself with my hands… Almost…
I took a second to breathe before lifting a pre-packed sandwich off my tray, poised to take a bite only to see my duchess roll her eyes before connecting with mine. I placed the sandwich back down, frowning because that look could only mean that Kikyo was walking over.
"Hi," she announced, waving at the four of us before then looking directly at me. "How was Friday?"
"Fine," I replied, a little afraid to look at Inuyasha because… he hadn't moved his knee. I know that sounds dumb but it felt reassuring.
It wasn't quite the same as feeling Inuyasha trace his fingers down my arm at the arcade or dancing his claws along my palm at a party but it was still part of his language. I wasn't sure if he was looking for reassurance or providing it to mebut I mentally grabbed hold of it. And I… I lightly pressed my knee back against his.
"Anything fun happen?" She asked me, a slightly strained smile marring her face while her intense gaze tried to pick me apart.
"Uh," I began, trying to find a platonic way to describe the sacred rite that was Inuyasha confronting his agonizingly beautiful yet volatile human desires only to result in him clutching me so tightly as the sun rose that I felt the shift in his goddam blood and the surge of energy that made him literally out of this world despite the illusion of his human features. "We, uh, we watched cartoons…"
Smooth as broken glass, that's me.
"And studied math," Sango interjected, kicking me below the table while Miroku mouthed 'amateur' at me.
"Yeah, I thought that was a given?" I hissed, glaring at Sango and trying not to overtly rub my sore shin. "She asked about 'fun.' Math isn't fun…" I sneered back, crossing my arms over my chest defensively, cheeks bright and thankfuck she couldn't peer into my mind.
Between you and I, Inuyasha and I hadn't so much as looked at a math problem once all weekend. But I had snuck so many glances at him I didn't think my attraction to him could be called a crush anymore as it was very clearly more obsessive in nature because he was too divine for me to pull away from.
"Hmmm," Kikyo hummed, her gaze looking me up and down. "Sounds quaint…"
There was nothing quaint about enjoying the way her boyfriend felt pressed up against me or the feel of his thumb caressing my cheek while looking into the depths of each other's eyes before watching him transition between two worlds at the break of dawn… but sure… to Kikyo our sleepover had been 'quaint' and I wasn't about to correct her in the middle of the cafeteria at lunch when a break up was pending but not fully executed yet. Things already felt awkward and tense enough…
"So, is it okay if Inuyasha and I hang out this Friday? Or do you guys have plans then?"
My mouth dropped open and brows pulled together in confusion as I looked back at her.
"I, uh-"
"I'm sorry, I just… aren't you breaking up with him?" Sango interjected while I continued to sputter like the moron I most certainly was.
"Excuse me?" Kikyo asked, seeming genuinely offended by the question. "No."
My mouth snapped shut and I pursed my lips, gaze falling to the uneaten food on my lunch tray, wishing I was literally anywhere else. But hey… I still felt his knee against mine… for whatever the hell that was worth.
"The rumors-" Sango continued.
"Are just rumors," Kikyo replied, her voice a little too curt.
I didn't look over at Inuyasha but I could hear him exhale loudly. To Kikyo it probably sounded like relief and gave her a false sense of assurance. To me, I recognized that sigh as another manner of him saying 'fuck me' without actually saying 'fuck me.'
My king may not have been the most sociable or suave but he always tried to be caring. Inuyasha never wanted to hurt the undeserving. Kikyo, despite her flaws - of which I was sure there were many - was not a bad person. She was not deserving of unnecessary pain. But if what he said Friday was true… he was likely coming to the realization that causing her pain was becoming inevitable.
Her response made me wonder, as I sat there, bringing my gaze back to her. She had been furious on Friday. She hadn't responded to any of Inuyasha's messages from the weekend and that day she'd just shown up at his side, hanging off of him like it was all water under a bridge instead of literally the talk of the entire school.
Sango had joked about Inuyasha being popular but it wasn't him that had amassed a following; it was Kikyo. She was stunning, smart, determined, and came from a good family. In sum, she rose through the social hierarchy faster than a rocket powers through the sky. The plebeians watched that queen with rapt attention and fascination.
Here's the thing though… you can't burn too brightly. That rule applied to large, dense stars in space and it applied to royalty as well. You burn too brightly, too fiercely, and you risk opening yourself up to conflict.
And the peons were waiting for that with bated breaths. I could see their beady eyes on her, on my king, on us, as we sat at lunch a strained civility in the air as Kikyo negotiated time with my king after he had yelled at her about doing just that. They were all waiting for a fall, a crash, a burn.
I refused to give it to them.
"You can hang out with him this Friday," I replied, stunning Sango and even Kikyo.
I could see my duchess gape as the words left my mouth. I could see Miroku force his eyes closed and press his mouth into a thin line, both of them likely thinking I was back on my old bullshit. I didn't dare look at Inuyasha but he'd said that he was going to end it with Kikyo. It wasn't my place to get involved with that decision.
He had decided to get into a relationship with her and if he wanted to end it with her… he would have to do that.
Friday would be a good day for that, no?
So, there we were, the three of us, all together that following Friday, the only one missing from our table was my king. We sat at a booth at a local diner known for their phenomenal burgers, thick shakes, and some cheese that made Inuyasha sick the moment he'd hit the same block as it, which is why we decided to go there on that particular night. While I sipped on my second chocolate shake of the evening, Miroku and Sango continued to check their phones and mumble to the other. It was a cycle that had begun the moment we'd sat down.
They would start by asking me if I'd heard from Inuyasha, who had begun his evening with Kikyo approximately thirty minutes prior to our arrival at the diner. To which, I would respond with a very honest, "no." Then they'd pull out their phones to 'check the time' coincidentally get distracted by their empty inboxes and/or social media for several minutes then put their phones away. We'd have maybe fifteen minutes of normal conversation before the whole thing would repeat.
They'd been cycling through that process for nearly two hours and I was annoyed.
Inuyasha was out with Kikyo…
Inuyasha had all but confirmed that that was the night he was cutting romantic ties with her.
We were all a little distracted but I just… I was freaking out. Sango and Miroku were overwhelming, just oozingexcitement and jubilation from every single freaking pore.
Whereas I was nervous. Excited too but also nervous because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't divorce what I knew I had to do with what he was doing. Meaning that, anytime I recalled that he was breaking up with Kikyo it cemented in my mind the realization that Sango had been right to ask about my 'game plan.' Though, the plan was pretty simple on the surface - tell Inuyasha that I would like to memorize his flavor and never be more than an inch apart for the rest of eternity - I was questioning some of the finer details.
For example, how long was appropriate to wait after a break up to tell one of the parties that you were romantically interested in them? Miroku and Sango were on team tell him yesterday but I was on team… that seems really insensitive both to Kikyo and to Inuyasha because god… what if he told me he didn't feel the same way?! Then I'd have forced him into a situation where he'd hurt two people he cared about.
But like, also, if I waited too long I always ran the risk of chickening out entirely or, worse, of him starting a new relationship before I'd been able to at least put my hat in the ring.
I slurped loudly on my chocolate milkshake as I watched Miroku and Sango each check their social media for, honestly? I didn't even know what. It wasn't like Inuyasha used that garbage often. He wasn't going to be postinganything about breaking up with her on fucking Instagram or something…
I sighed, pushing the now empty glass over to the side of the table and looking at the clock on the wall. I hadn't checked my phone all night.
I hadn't needed to. I'd left it on vibrate. I would know when he texted me. Or… if he texted me.
"Anything?" Sango murmured to Miroku who shook his head, sliding his phone away before she did.
I twirled my hair around my finger out of sheer boredom. They were doing a poor job of keeping my mind off of it all but I supposed we were all failing at that that evening because the moment that my phone did vibrate I dropped that stupid strand of hair so quickly, clasping my hand around the pocket where my phone lay in wait and rather clumsily excused myself.
Miroku and Sango barely batted an eye as I raced to the bathroom, heart pounding and suddenly regretting my decision to drink two ultra thick milkshakes because they felt real heavy in my stomach. I swallowed thickly, locking the door to the bathroom stall and pulled out my phone.
It was Inuyasha and I nearly fainted against that dirty, scribbled on door that was the only thing that stood between me and the floor that looked like it needed to be mopped with bleach three times.
I opened the message with shaky fingers swiping over the screen. He was asking me if I was still at dinner with Sango and Miroku. I informed him we were wrapping up, typing then deleting then typing then deleting again the only question I wanted an answer to that evening; is it over?
Had he broken up with her?!
I didn't ask though. Like normal, he was coming over to the shrine for our sleepover. I'd see him in person soon and whether he followed through with ending it with Kikyo didn't really feel like a good conversation to have over text.
So, I told him we were wrapping up and that I'd meet him at the house.
Then I marched over to the table and quickly, albeit somewhat rudely, asked our server for the check. Miroku and Sango looked up from their phones, each narrowing their gaze at me. I didn't wait for them to speak. "He's on his way to my house. Didn't say anything about the break up," I stated.
"Alright," Miroku exhaled, nodding slowly.
"What are you thinking?" Sango asked.
Miroku shrugged. "I think… we grill him tomorrow. Regardless of whether or not he actually did it… he probably needs a minute."
Sango rolled her eyes but nodded. I nodded too. Each of us silently agreeing that we wouldn't pressure him. If Inuyasha wanted to tell us… he'd tell us. At least, we'd give him until the following afternoon. After that… it would be a free for all.
God help him.
I heard his voice as soon as I stepped inside. I also heard my brother's. I groaned, kicking off my shoes before walking over to the living room and seeing both Sota and Inuyasha lost in some dumb video game.
"Hey sis!" Sota explained, looking up after winning his round with Inuyasha.
"Hi," I replied, giving him a smile that I hope didn't look as forced as it felt while I bit back all the questions I had stewing in my mind the entire walk home.
Inuyasha's gaze flickered over to me as I took the seat next to him, timidly leaving a little space between us in case he didn't exactly feel like having his best friend plastered against him, big eyes searching for even the tiniest crumb of information regarding whatever had transpired with him and Kikyo. "How was dinner?" He asked me.
I winced. "I drank too much chocolate…" I admitted.
He shook his head, a wan smile forming before he and Sota went back to their game. I nibbled nervously on my bottom lip, silently watching them. Sango texted me repeatedly, asking if I had learned anything. I ignored her messages and focused my gaze on him.
Inuyasha didn't look sad but he… he wasn't happy-happy. He wasn't angry or impatient. He didn't look ashamed and wasn't twitchy with guilt. Which meant that… he'd ended it. If he hadn't gone through with it then Inuyasha wouldn't have met my eye. But he had. And he didn't look relieved but silently resigned which meant that he'd had to initiate that conversation.
They were done. And he hadn't liked doing it one bit.
I turned off the notifications on my phone and felt a small sense of relief. "Okay," I interjected, scooting closer to Inuyasha and my brother. "I get to play winner," I announced.
"Alright," Sota laughed, shaking his head knowing full well I was utter garbage at that game. "Your funeral…"
"That's some mighty big talk for someone who's going to lose," I retorted. It was a total bluff.
Inuyasha lost and handed me the controller resulting in me staring down at the buttons and sheepishly whispering over to him, "um… can you remind me what buttons do what?"
"Oh my god," Inuyasha scoffed, leaning closer toward me and demonstrating, his fingers easily and comfortably layering over mine as he showed me, patiently instructing me on the various actions. "Got it?"
No.
"Yup," I replied, looking around him and grinning at my brother. "You ready to be taken down by your sister?"
"As if," he laughed, starting the match.
I was bad. Like really bad… So bad that Inuyasha started cheating on my behalf just to spare me a modicum of dignity every time it was my turn to have a go. How did he cheat for me? Well, first he 'accidentally' knocked Sota's arm when he was grabbing a bag of chips from the kitchen. Then he 'totally forgot' to remind me about a button, which was really just him pressing buttons over my hands. Then he 'tripped' on the cord that connected Sota's controller to the gaming system…
I smiled the entire time even if I still lost every single round.
"Okay, here's what you're going to do," he began in a whisper as Sota stood to grab a fresh can of soda from the fridge, "you gotta stop pressing B. It's not helping you…"
"No, I really think that it was working-"
"Kags… It wasn't. Trust me," he glared, only a few inches from my face. "Press A more, for fuck's sake."
"What's this weird bumper one do again?" I asked.
He hung his head, "have you been paying attention at all?"
To his eyes? To his searing touch? To his adorable attempts at helping me learn a game I would always suck at? Yes, yes I had been but definitely not to actually winning. If I won that would mean that he wouldn't 'help' me anymore.
"Yes!" I giggled, "I just forgot…"
"Inuyasha!" My mother's voice sang, her head poking into the living room before the rest of her followed. We both looked over at her. "Here's a spare set of clothes for you to sleep in tonight," she purred, placing them on the back of the couch.
Inuyasha had never said he was staying the evening but it was assumed and he nodded easily, thanking her immediately before going back to trying to remind me about the buttons. But my mother? She just… she looked at me… A big, fat, cheeky grin and twinkling gaze that had me gawking at her and silently wondering if she was in cahoots with Miroku and Sango.
Her eyes drifted back to Inuyasha, who was still blissfully unaware of her actions, before my own freaking motherlooked back at me and mouthed, "he's single again, yes?"
I nodded minutely and she… the psycho cocked a brow at me and winked.
"Hey are you listening?" He growled.
"Y-yeah," I sighed.
Inuyasha frowned at me, "liar."
I stared down at the controller in my hand, not even sure of what to say to him after my own mother evidently read me plain as day.
"Hey," he began anew, looking around me before meeting my gaze. Inuyasha looked serious then, his smile gone and his tone even. "Thanks for, uh, not… asking about tonight…"
I nodded. "Yeah, sure," I murmured back, placing the controller on the ground. "If you want to talk I'm here but-"
"You want to ask don't you?" He bemoaned, narrowing his gaze at me.
"Yes, very much," I answered quickly, smiling at him because duh.
Inuyasha crossed his arms over his chest defensively, glaring at a wall to the side. "Yes, I fucking ended it, okay?" He growled beneath his breath. "Can you tell Miroku and Sango to stop fucking texting me now?" He whined.
I reached over and gave him a hug. He stiffened but I didn't let go. "I'm really sorry… I know that must have been hard." I really was. I knew he didn't enjoy it and even if I knew he wasn't actually going to talk-talk about what had happened, I wanted him to know that I was there. I gripped him a little tighter, smiling against his shoulder when I felt Inuyasha lean against me, gingerly wrapping me in his arms and giving in to my embrace.
Sota belched loudly from the kitchen before walking back into the room.
It was an unspoken understanding but Inuyasha and I immediately separated, both of us looking a little more flustered than we should have after such a platonic hug and I just… I giggled. It was a nervous tick! Inuyasha sent a glare in my direction but it didn't help. His face was bright red and he wore that same timid and utterly bemused expression he got anytime I paid him a genuine compliment.
Sota plopped down right next to Inuyasha, picking up the controller he'd been using before facing up and stilling. His brown gaze flickered back and forth, an awkward pause hanging between the three of us. My brother furrowed his brows and just kept staring at the two strange teens, Inuyasha and I, who refused to make eye contact with him. "Everything okay?" He asked skeptically.
"Yup," I answered honestly.
"Then why are you both acting weird?" He muttered. "Oh god… were you guys like… making out?"
"Sota!" I exclaimed, thoughtlessly reacting and grabbing Inuyasha's chips before throwing them at my darling brother.
"What?!" Sota laughed, raising an arm as a shield but not in time because the bag still smacked him and spilled all over his front, "what was I supposed to think?!"
"That you're about to get your ass handed to you in your dumb game!" I replied, swiping his controller and pressing start before tossing it toward the back of the room, out of his reach, while I took my chance to beat the shit out of his character, shaking my head at his audacity and chewing on my cheeks.
Inuyasha had been right.
Pressing A did me a lot more good than B.
By the following Sunday, Miroku and Sango were brought up to speed, which is to say that they then knew the most important thing; Inuyasha was single.
It was time to make a move.
Maybe.
Sango ripped me from Inuyasha in the arcade, while we were in the middle of a game, dragging me toward the back of the building while yelling at the boys that she needed to discuss some weird thing Kuranosuke did with his tongue the other day and that Miroku was absolutely not allowed to listen in. It was all a guise to speak to me about the 'plan.'
She was a little scary, not gonna lie to you about that. Sango was cackling as she spoke to me. Like full on evil-witch cackling. "Okay, I've got some ideas!" She proclaimed as if I didn't already know that she had several. "But first tell me… you've thought about it right? What do you want to do?"
Sending him an email was still looking like a pretty good plan to me especially because he'd just broken up with Kikyo only two days prior. Inuyasha wasn't back to being his normal self. He'd been more silent than usual and maybe that was a small thing but it only added to my nervousness.
"I'd like to wait for a minute-" She groaned so loudly and so irately it rivaled Inuyasha's fits of displeasure. I glared at her. "Sango, can we at least let the dust settle? He's not himself. He's still upset over the whole thing."
"Fine," she whined, crossing her arms over her chest. "But Kagome I'm serious… we aren't backing down this time, got it?"
"I won't. I just want to wait until he's back to himself."
Two weeks.
That's how long we waited. That's how long it took for Inuyasha to act like his pre-Kikyo self. I was a little surprised that it wasn't longer because they'd dated for months but with Sango breathing down my back to 'make a fucking move' I didn't really have time to consider why it had been such a short recovery period.
All of this is to say that… we are entering the phase of this story where you get to see how elegant and enrapturing I truly am… You ready for this?
Let's start with my first attempt at telling Inuyasha how I felt about him because it was… heart stopping.
He and I were walking home from school. My mouth was so dry that my tongue kept sticking to the walls and the roof. I wrung out my hands that had broken into a cold sweat the moment the final bell rang. He was walking next to me and I could see his nervous and freaked out expression in my periphery because I could only imagine how anxious I smelled.
But he said nothing. He just walked by my side as I stared at the ground, feeling dizzy and faint not off of my affection for him but my fear making the world spin and the sidewalk feel uneven.
I needed to get it out. I told myself that all I had to do was say it. He had super fucking hearing! I didn't need to be loud it just needed to be put out in the world. And I was getting there. I closed my eyes and I moved my mouth, barely audible syllables stammering and stuttering out of me between huge gulps of air.
I felt his clawed hand dig into the back of my shirt right before he yanked me backwards so hard I almost took a tumble. I opened my eyes, chest heaving and face twisted in confusion as I stared as a large ass truck barreled down the road I had just been walking on.
"What the fuck, Kags?!" Inuyasha screeched, wide gold eyes searching me for something.
I exhaled loudly and slumped onto the side walk basically playing dead all while he stared down at me. I had been so wrapped up in my own anxiousness that I hadn't been paying attention to where I was walking and almost accidentally gotten myself killed.
But at least Inuyasha had been paying attention…
I had learned a crucial lesson during that attempt though… don't admit your feelings while walking.
My second attempt at telling my king about my fervor for him left me gasping…
It was later that same week when he was over my family's for another sleep over. My mother and Sota left to attend one of my brother's games, leaving me and my king alone in the kitchen while my grandfather snored on the couch.
I was so prepared. I'd rehearsed it. I knew what I was going to say. I had water at my side and I was sitting down.
I was going to tell him that I loved him as a friend but that I wanted more. Except… it was taking me a long time to work up to that. I kept eating, nervously hoping that food would comfort me, doubts edging into my mind because it suddenly didn't seem like a good time to tell him because if he said he didn't feel the same he'd be stuck watching me cry and blubber while apologizing profusely for making him uncomfortable all night.
I took a bite of food, inhaling quickly, shaking away my doubt because it would be fine. No matter what. Totally fine. Yup. I barely chewed on the food before I heard the tires crunch on the asphalt outside.
Mom and Sota were home early and I had two fucking seconds to spit my confession in his face. I panicked, I know, so out of character… I tried to speak and swallow at the same time and immediately began choking. Inuyasha got to his feet and asked if I was okay and I very gracefully spit up just as Sota came crashing into the kitchen.
Not my finest moment… But I had learned! No food.
Trying to speak my truth to him wasn't going very well so my next attempt was, shall we say, old fashioned. I was going to write him a note. Awe, I know, super adorable right?
Wrong.
As I sat down, hands tingling and heart racing, holding my trusty pen and about to pour my soul out to my favorite person when… the little shit exploded.
I just stared at my hand, covered in black ink, and my pretty little stationary looking more like a Rorschach test than a love letter.
To add insult to injury my king walked over and laughed at me. Making fun of my recent string of incidents.
I put my head down on the table and pretended I no longer existed.
But the worst, most embarrassing time I tried to tell him was quite colorful. You remember that I procured Inuyasha tickets for paintball right? Well… let me tell you how that went…
It was a bright and warm spring day. Inuyasha and I were the last to arrive. My mother so kindly dropped us off up front on her way to the grocery store and I watched those dazzling amber eyes twinkle, a broad grin breaking out as Inuyasha looked at the obstacle course. His excitement was so infectious it even had me looking forward to playing.
We walked over to where our friends were, six other familiar faces looking back at us. Our duke and duchess were grinning, Sango and I wore matching suits and Miroku was apparently a big fan of the way her butt looked in it. But anyway… Inuyasha strode in and rubbed his hands together excitedly, amber eyes landing on each person before giving our four other friends a nod of acknowledgment.
As the 'birthday' boy he got to be a team captain and got to pick the other captain as well.
Koga.
Yup. My knight was there too. He had been specially invited by Inuyasha. I had a sneaking suspicion that it was merely so that Inuyasha could shoot Koga repeatedly with paint balls without getting in trouble…
Still, Koga stepped forward with a shit eating grin so broad and arrogant that it made Inuyasha all the more excited to have invited him. One by one the teams were decided. It was myself, Inuyasha, Sango and Shiori against Koga, Hojo, Miroku and Ayame.
Hojo was also a special invite… Bet you can't guess why…
It was a crazy game. Loud, rancorous, and fast paced. After several rounds of paint coated the obstacles and barriers, our teams had been whittled down to only Inuyasha, myself, Ayame and Hojo. Yeah, I know, I also had not pegged Hojo for a good shot but he was.
Really good.
Like scary good.
It's always the quiet ones…
My heart pounded and my adrenaline was soaring as I tiptoed through the course. I hadn't been hit yet and I was desperate to keep it that way. I could hear Miroku and Sango bickering in the background from their perches, watching the four remaining players battle it out for dominance while Sango also fended off Miroku's advances.
She and Kuranosuke had been having some problems and it seemed that our amorous duke was seizing on the sliver of an opportunity that that provided him to woo our fair duchess. I was on team MirSan as well but that was a topic for another time because even though I was silently delighted in hearing those two flirt I was in the middle of a game and I really, really didn't want a goddam welt…
Koga was abnormally quiet and I assumed that was because Inuyasha had sniffed him out within five minutes of the round actually starting and that Koga was probably nursing his ego after becoming the first man down. Inuyasha, in case you were curious, had laughed like a banshee the moment he saw paint splatter across Koga's suit.
But anyway, I was trying to be as silent as I could mostly to avoid Hojo. Ayame had a superior sense of smell and though the noxious fumes from the paint would hinder her a little I was pretty sure that she'd find me at some point.
I swallowed thickly, nervous and jumpy, any and every sound causing me to whirl around, seconds from screaming like some ridiculous blonde in a horror film. My nerves were absolutely shot from playing with real stakes where I could feel the pain of loss and I silently swore to myself, never again.
As I began to sneak around a tunnel in the course, I felt a clawed hand graze me. I almost shrieked in fright, not expecting it and so keyed up from trying to keep an eye out for the two remaining enemy players that I'd almost forgotten about my ally. Inuyasha glared at me and quickly placed a hand over my mouth to silence me though. I nodded in understanding, my heart thundering in my chest and lungs sucking in air far too quickly.
He rolled his eyes, waiting a beat before removing his hand from my mouth, his claws gently caressing my arm as they fell.
I swallowed again. Even as my breathing returned to a normal pace, my heart still raced. The adrenaline coursed through my veins and made me foolishly bold as I stared back into those brilliant gold irises that lead to worlds I wanted to experience. He'd think the sound of my elevated heartbeat was because of the game. I knew it was just the effect he had on me.
"We need to stick together," Inuyasha whispered.
I frowned because he didn't need to stick with me. I was a sitting duck compared to his speed and skill but, evidently, Inuyasha didn't want me to 'die' and it was all for his birthday anyway so I nodded regardless.
"Let's move back-to-back," he suggested.
I was pretty sure we looked like deranged crabs the way we scuttled cautiously through the course, his nose crinkling and twitching as he sniffed at the air for a sign of the others while I nervously looked around for literally any sign of something.
Seriously, I cannot stress this enough, Inuyasha was doing all the work. I couldn't hear shit. I couldn't smell shit other than my own sweat and body odor. And I just… I was in a skin-tight black suit that Sango had purchased so we could feel like sexy Bond girls or something dumb but let me tell you… I did not feel sexy scuttling behind my king feeling an impending sense of dread weigh on me while I remembered all the videos and stories I'd heard about how much a welt from a paint ball could hurt.
I shuddered at the thought.
Inuyasha's ear flickered and while I was still caught up in wondering how the hell my spandex suit was supposed to protect my lady bits I felt his hand curl around my arm before he pulled me flush against him. I stared wantonly at his broad chest before I heard a paintball whizz behind me and then I heard Hojo laugh…
Cinnabon almost fucking shot me! That dick!
I gaped at the concept that such a genial man had come that close to leaving a mark on me when Inuyasha peered over the obstacle and fired a few rounds before silence fell around us.
I heard that shit make contact and Hojo's gentle "ow," as he walked out from his hiding spot with his hands up and a big, soft smile. "I'm out!" He announced cheerily, laughing and looking in our direction. "That was a good shot," he complimented sincerely as he headed toward the exit.
Inuyasha snorted. He knew it was. Still, we had one more player to take out. He lifted his hand up, palm facing me and I quietly high-fived him despite the fact that he had saved my dumb, distracted self from a big welt after I had done nothing. I followed his lead as we began to move again, sucking in a steadying breath.
An intense silence clung to us as we took extra care to move with stealth. Ayame, like Inuyasha, had advanced senses and skills, but we had the advantage in that there was two of us and Inuyasha was just stronger. His blood, even half, was from mightier stuff than hers, making his senses better. I trailed behind my king, initially focusing pretty easily on the task at hand but then I made the mistake of actually looking at him.
Rookie move, I know…
My heart rate tripled and my lungs seized. That was when I finally understood the appeal of tight clothing because even if Inuyasha wasn't wearing something as form fitting as the spandex I had on it was still tight enough that it wouldn't rustle a lot when he moved and clung quietly to those muscles I'd never noticed before but was suddenly mesmerized by.
In sum, he looked good.
I bit down on my lip, my eyes flitting up when I saw him turn, a brow questioningly raised as he looked back at me, nose twitching as if he didn't understand the scent.
That.
That was when my stupid brain went 'this is the perfect time to tell him how you feel.'
I was still so high on the adrenaline and he was so fucking delectable I just… started.
But I didn't see the rustling behind me. I had forgotten my position, to literally and metaphorically cover his blind spot, in favor of addressing him. I just opened my mouth ready to plainly state that I wanted to go on a date with him and not a friend-date but like a if-its-good-you'll-kiss-me-until-I'm-blue type of date when I watched Inuyasha's gaze leave mine before seeing the color drain from his face.
I turned just in time to see Ayame pop up and aim directly for Inuyasha.
Why him? Because she had a huge crush on Koga and, I assumed, it was payback for knocking Koga out in the first five minutes…
My eyes widened in horror and I fired my gun without really looking then dove. I dove over him, knocking Inuyasha to the ground, shielding him with my body before I felt it. Hot, searing, aching pain ripple across my fucking right ass cheek.
"Shit," I groaned, unintentionally and unthinkingly burying my face into his chest because holy shit that fucking hurt! I just stayed like that for a solid minute, whining and groaning, my hand hovering over my injured buttocks without actually touching it because the flesh was screaming.
"Uh… are you okay?" He asked, his voice a little more husky than normal and sounding just like that bourbon-soaked rasp I wanted to drown in.
I lifted my head, cheeks - on my face - burning as I realized I was once again laying right on fucking top of him and rolled my eyes in a weak attempt to hide how much I actually enjoyed that. "Yeah," I croaked out unconvincingly.
I slowly began pushing myself off of him, pausing only when I realized that he wasn't moving. "Wha-"
Ayame came up next to us and extended her hand down toward me. I narrowed my gaze at her, wondering why she wasn't attacking when I saw her shin.
I'd gotten a hit…
I took the wolf's hand and hobbled up, grimacing as I put weight on my right leg, feeling that dull ache radiate through my whole thigh.
Inuyasha rose to his feet, still staring at me. "Where'd you get hit?" He asked innocently and looking more concerned than anything.
I glared at him and frowned. "Oh… don't worry… you'll see in a moment," I grumbled before turning around, beginning my walk back to where the others were. My entire right ass cheek was literally painted neon green and as I limped away all I could hear was his barking laughter.
"Oh my god!" He exclaimed, walking behind me, clutching his stomach.
So much for sexy Bond girl…
I whirled my head around, giving him my nastiest look that he brushed off easily because with him I could never really be that upset. I jokingly pointed my gun at him. Inuyasha jumped away from me, still laughing and I slumped. I should have known after the note writing incident that involving ink or paint when attempting to confess my feelings for him would only end up in more embarrassment for me.
It wasn't all bad though…
After another round and some food, Inuyasha and I walked home, or rather, I limped along with my injured pride and still-stinging ass, but only a couple minutes in he stopped. I didn't see him frown or the way his gold eyes looked me over, not sexually but worriedly, as I continued to favor my left leg.
"Hey," Inuyasha murmured, coming up to me, "I'll give you a piggy back ride."
He was moving before I'd even accepted his offer but I did accept it. I liked being near him, I liked his touch, and my butt was crying out in pain with every stupid step. So I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and bit down on my bottom lip as he oh so carefully wrapped his hands under my knees - avoiding my bruised flesh - before hoisting me off the ground.
We walked the rest of the way just like that, me resting my head on his shoulder while he made sure not to touch my aching ass, holding me securely so I didn't have to aggravate the inflamed muscles.
When we arrived at my house I still felt a little demoralized after four failed attempts at telling him how I felt but I… I still wanted him near me. "Thank you," I whispered, feeling his hands shift along my legs causing me to blush as he carefully let me down.
"No problem," he answered easily before standing up straight again.
Inuyasha stood outside my door with me, both of us shifting awkwardly on our feet. He scratched his head and held my gaze, a look of focus and restlessness in his eyes, as if he wanted to say something but didn't.
That would have been a good time to probably tell him how I felt but I was so tired and I just wanted to ice my pride.
I briefly looked at the house. It was quiet and mostly empty, save for my grandfather. "You wanna stay the night?" I offered. It was a weekend and it wasn't like either of us had school the next day.
He shrugged, "sure."
I nodded happily and we walked in together.
"I'm going to take a quick shower," I stated, watching him take a seat in the kitchen with his phone. I smiled weakly at him even if he wasn't looking at me and couldn't see it. I just thought he was so amazing… Even the silliest little nothing of him sitting there likely texting Miroku something dumb made my heart flutter.
My shower was as fast as I could make it which is to say I was moving a little slower than normal because I was so scared of actually touching my butt I had needed to give myself an impromptu pep-talk in the shower…
I called down to Inuyasha after I got out, letting him know I was almost done as I walked into my room. Now, I didn't fully close the door, as in when I swung it closed I never heard it click shut but it was closed-ish. There was a tiny little crack between the edge of the door and the door frame but I really wasn't concerned.
I let the towel drop, slid on a bra and super carefully pulled on panties but that's when I stopped because I finally got a look at that sucker in the mirror…
I immediately groaned loudly and gawked at the discolored flesh, staring at the bump that had formed. I swear it looked like I had a third ass cheek… My shoulders slumped and I sighed heavily, my head tilting as I twisted around to get a better look, cringing at my own skin.
"Oh man…" I bemoaned, failing to hear the stairs creak.
"Kags! What the hell is taking you-"
He threw open the door.
I looked up and over at him immediately. "Do you see this?! This is why I didn't want to do paint ball!" I exclaimed, pointing at my butt and not the least bit bothered by my state of undress because, again, my bathing suits had been more revealing so whatever.
But I realized quickly he wasn't expecting me to be so… exposed because the ice he'd held in his hand summarily dropped to the floor as he stuttered and stammered, face going crimson before he forced his eyes shut and spun on his heels, walking away and back down the hall.
I heard him go down the stairs and I rolled my eyes, shrugging on a shirt and grabbing shorts, picking up the ice pack off the floor and finding him still red in the face on the living room floor with a clawed hand wrist-deep in cinnamon hearts. He wouldn't even look at me as I walked over to sit next to him.
I flicked him.
Still wouldn't look at me.
"Yash," I mumbled, gently plucking one of his ears. He swatted my hand away and finally faced me with a sour expression. I couldn't help but laugh as he shoved a way-too large handful of candies in his mouth.
I reached over and grabbed one from his box, placing the ice pack on my then-covered ass. "Well," I began, smirking as I turned to watch the T.V., "now you've seen my boobs. You and Miroku are even."
He growled and glared at the screen, his cheeks still bright and ears pulled back.
"You're the only boy I know who would be surly about seeing a barely dressed girl," I teased.
"I saw nothing," he insisted grouchily.
"Right…" I muttered, leaning my head on his shoulder and stealing another heart. I didn't believe him for a second. He didn't provide a rebuttal but I felt his head tilt and lean against mine as well. I smiled.
He was worth the swollen butt.