It took approximately three weeks for my butt to go back to normal after the paintball incident. It was obnoxious. I limped around, hissing and groaning any time I needed to sit at home or at school, the pain a constant reminder of my back to back failures to admit my feelings to Inuyasha. I didn't dare attempt another confession while my flesh wound healed for fear of another physical or emotional welt.

While I like to tell myself that I was using that time productively to regroup so that when the skin went back to a normal color I could hit the ground running and jump straight into Inuyasha's arms that's not what actually happened…

I needed the break, not just for superficial reasons but because my poor little heart was so downtrodden.

Inuyasha was being weird after seeing my boobs so… ugh.

Worse still was that whatever had been brewing between Sango and Kuranosuke had become a thing. It was quite a tense time in the kingdom. I didn't want to selfishly intrude on our girl time with my issues when she was in the middle of the dissolution of her relationship with him but that also left me feeling rudderless in the middle of the ocean, just drifting along the surface and praying for decent weather, selfishly and silently hoping each night that no other girl would give Inuyasha their number.

Miroku was the only one in our group that was behaving normally as the end of the semester approached.

I slumped in my seat at lunch that spring, listening to Sango's fingers skate across her screen whilst typing a message to her boyfriend in their latest tiff, as I pushed my food around my plate pathetically. Inuyasha wasn't with us. He'd taken to remaining glued to Miroku's hip between classes and I was trying really hard not to take that as a slight to me after he'd walked in on me in my bra.

I was trying but it didn't exactly fill me with confidence or zeal.

I could always hear them whispering. Well, to be more precise, I could always hear Miroku whispering to him. Inuyasha really only ever scowled more deeply and disdainfully before growling at whatever thing Miroku had shared with him that Sango and I weren't privy to.

It was annoying and making me super paranoid. I mean, seriously, what was so private that the two of them had to keep secrets from me?! Especially Inuyasha. Like, were my boobs abnormal or something? The internet said they were fine because, yes, I had checked but I still didn't get it…

Miroku and Inuyasha both slid into their seats across from Sango and I, my duke grinning broadly and my king looking surly as ever.

I merely sighed again and stared forlornly at my food.

"So," Miroku began cheerily, totally unbothered by his three mopey friends. "I think we could all use a little pick me up, no?"

Sango immediately pulled her eyes up from her phone and glared at him, "no."

"I haven't even said anything yet!" Miroku exclaimed. "At least let me-"

"You want us to go to a party. You always get that tone right before you start negotiating with tweedle dee and tweedle dumb about giving up their 'platonic' sleep overs," Sango interrupted, gaze dipping back to her phone before she pressed her lips into a fine line as she read whatever Kuranosuke had just sent.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, not saying anything else in response because I really wasn't sure what to address. I mean, I was obviously tweedle dee and I was sort of interested in a party but also what was with the veiled accusation about our sleepovers not being platonic?! I certainly wanted them to stop being that way but… "What is your issue?" I grumbled.

Sango rolled her eyes and sighed, dropping her phone on the table. "Sorry, sorry," she murmured, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples with the pads of her fingers. "Go on Miroku, I'm just cranky. You were saying?"

"My parents are going out of town," he continued gently, tossing an understanding smile at Sango before looking at Inuyasha and I. "Last year's party was a big hit so-"

I stiffened immediately, my palms breaking into a cold sweat at the mere mention of Miroku's last shindig. In case you forgot, Miroku's party the prior year? That was spin the bottle.

Oh deary me…

I didn't mean to but I gulped loudly, feeling suddenly warm and breathless like a woman experiencing a hot flash during menopause. My mind catapulted me back to that time, his lips, the panic, the fall. I didn't even listen to a single thing Miroku said after that despite him being right in front of me. I didn't even realize I had spoken but when I did, both he and Inuyasha stared at me.

"Wha-really?!" Miroku exclaimed excitedly, looking between us both, seemingly expecting one of us to make a bigger fuss over the whole thing but I'd immediately folded.

I didn't want to negotiate. I wanted to move forward. I wanted a fucking kiss from my king and you bet your ass I would drag him down with me if I had to. After all, what else were friends for?

"You'll come?!" My duke confirmed, violet eyes so wide and full of joy.

I nodded, feeling my face flush as I looked over at Inuyasha. His gold eyes were wide for a moment, just as surprised as Miroku because I hadn't just promised my attendance, I'd promised his too. The problem being that I hadn't askedInuyasha if he would even consider it. I had merely proclaimed that we'd be there. I watched his shock wear off as he rolled his eyes before glaring back at me.

He hated parties.

But you know what parties had? Liquid courage. And if there was ever a time I needed a little extra artificial confidence it was when telling my best friend of over a decade that I was terminally ill and he was the cure.

I was all fucking in.

Inuyasha could just deal with it. And that's exactly what I told him on the way home that afternoon. Not in so many words but, yeah.

"Seriously?" He bemoaned, again, glaring forward at the sidewalk in front of us. "Why did you have to promise both of us?"

"Because Miroku is our friend," and I wanted to drink Inuyasha in all night long without worrying about any family members intruding. Though my king wasn't a fan of all the people or the smells, I found large parties to be so intimate. Small parties never afforded any privacy and I wanted to re-experience those lips that had tasted so sweet and hot, coated in his stupid candies. I wanted to be re-acquainted with the euphoria of being pressed against him that had ravaged me from the inside out like a wildfire during a drought. I wanted to lose myself so completely in whatever he'd give me that I'd never be the same again.

More so though, I wanted him to know that that was what he did to me and, hopefully, be okay with that.

Inuyasha didn't care for my veiled explanation. He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted at the prospect of being dragged to another gathering with our peers that typically meant murder for his ears and assault for his nose.

I reached for him, knowing he needed a little more convincing, my fingers sliding under his arm and pulling Inuyasha to a stop while looking up at him with the biggest and sweetest puppy-dog eyes I could make. His gaze met mine and before I even made my plea his ears flattened against the back of his head, his shoulders slumping in acquiescence.

I'd won. Damn, and I hadn't even really needed to try!

My king hated being compared to a dog but boy did puppy eyes work well on him. For his sake, I still made my offer…

"I'll give you as many cinnamon hearts as you want," I begged, tightening my grip on him for emphasis, "and I'll make you ramen every Friday for the next month-"

"Make it two."

"Five weeks." Even though we both knew I'd won the moment I leveled my huge eyes at him it was still important to me to make sure Inuyasha knew that his sacrifice was appreciated and so that he knew that I wouldn't abuse my power. I was a queen not a dictator. There is a difference… and that difference was crucial to maintaining balance in situations like that one where Inuyasha had silently determined that my happiness was of greater importance than his comfort.

"Three months."

"Yash!" I laughed, throwing my head back. "Three boxes of cinnamon hearts the night of and six Fridays of homemade ramen. Final offer."

He sighed, "fine."

"Thank you," I murmured, slowly releasing him before giddily skipping toward my house. He grumbled sourly the entire rest of the way to the shrine and I let him because he was going to be my date to our friend's party.

Even if he didn't know that yet…

You've probably guessed by now that Miroku's party that spring was a big deal, not just for him, but for my relationship with Inuyasha and I'll tell you right here and right now that it was. If Miroku's first party was the beginning of the end of my friendship with Inuyasha, his second party was the final nail in that coffin.

Miroku had planned his party for a Saturday night and he was ecstatic. He'd made friends with some random college dude who procured a stupid amount of alcohol but Miroku wanted the event to be different, to be special. He wanted it to stand out from Koga's 'standard' parties so that he could solidify himself as the party man ahead of our junior year.

His super special plan? He didn't tell Inuyasha or I what it was but he'd enlisted Sango to help, which, strangely, had put her in better spirits but we can circle back to that later. Point being, as soon as Miroku secured our invites he shoved Inuyasha and I out to pasture so that we had no real idea what we'd be walking in to.

It made my king all the more frustrated about attending and had made it that much harder for me to pick out a damn outfit…

"Kags!" He whined from just outside my closed door the evening of that fabled night.

"I told you I need a minute!" I sighed, ripping off my tenth shirt and tossing it to the side. Nothing was working with me. My heart was racing and I just… I felt the expectations weighing on me. Not his expectations but mine. I wanted to be cute. I wanted to be sexy. I wanted to be goddam regal.

But most importantly I wanted to catch his eye.

I wanted to be and look like someone Inuyasha would want and would be proud to call his and, yeah, I realize that's such a ridiculous thing to think but cut me some slack! He was my best friend and I, god, I wanted to be so much more with him and for him. I wanted him to look at me and have that super cliche 'ah ha!' moment where he picks me out of a crowd and proclaims me his one and only because having only part of him would never satiate my doomed soul.

I was so desperate to look appealing to Inuyasha that I'd literally walked around the pet store and contemplated rolling in fake bacon treats so that he'd smell me and immediately want a bite. Then I remembered that I'd probably have a better chance of rolling in real bacon but doing that was greasy and would destroy my pores so there I was… standing around in my bra with an irate half-demon banging his head on my door and yelling at me to hurry up.

I was a girl, or I guess young woman?… When does a female officially get to call herself a woman? I wasn't sure, regardless, I was a person possessed and overtaken with making that party my night. I was so nervous and scared and it was really hitting home why it had taken so long for me to confront what should have been obvious to me and that was because he meant the world to me…

That surly boy, with his shaggy, fluffy bangs and tiny fangs and ears that he wouldn't let me touch anymore with the eyes that made me believe in a higher power, who held me like no other, he inspired such a depth of emotion from within me that I really… I didn't even want to think about how I would continue to live on if he rejected me because, honestly, I would be incurable if that happened.

So… yeah, I was taking a long ass time picking out an outfit. Sue me! It felt like there was a lot riding on the line and I was already so late.

"It's been ten minutes already!" He replied angrily back at me.

I rolled my eyes, leaning into my closet and tossing clothes around, still totally at a loss as to what I should wear. "Oh, now look who wants to go!" I mocked, idly wondering why real people never got to have extreme make over montages and outfits hand picked by designers.

"I don't! I just don't want you yelling at me when we show up and the party is almost over!" Inuyasha snapped. I could hear him huff and lean back aggressively against the door. It didn't take a lot of effort for me to picture him pouting and grumbling to himself with that serious and childish scowl of his.

I giggled at the thought because I was so far gone, so smitten with that grumpy kid that I just pictured kissing that pout off his face before I took to re-surveying the utter mess that was my room.

"What should I wear?!" I called through the door, one hand on my hip and the other scratching the side of my head.

"Ugh, seriously?"

"Yash! Stop being a pain and help me!" I exclaimed.

"Are you dressed?"

I paused, looking down. I was half dressed… And by that I mean I had on some cute high waisted shorts that covered my nether regions but I didn't have a shirt, just my bra. I won't lie, there was a part of me that really wanted to just open the door and watch the poor boy sputter like the affable idiot he was again but he was already doing me a big favor by attending the party so I grabbed the first shirt I saw and slipped it on before opening the door. "Yes," I muttered, cocking a brow at him and looking down.

He looked up at me from his seat on the floor and sneered before getting to his feet, slowly rising before me and I watched him, barely stifling the urge to pull my bottom lip between my teeth. I left the door wide open per our parents draconian rules and watched him walk in and stare for all of two seconds at the pile of clothes. Inuyasha didn't even really think about it, he just grabbed the first thing he saw and tossed it at me.

I caught it and frowned. "You… you want me to wear two pairs of pants?" I asked dryly.

"I don't care what you wear!" He whined, throwing his hands up in the air. "But this," he continued, pointing between us and then at all the clothes strewn around my room, "is torture."

It was mean and definitely childish but I-I threw the pants at him. Not hard but I did… He glowered back at me.

I couldn't really tell him why my appearance mattered so much to me. I didn't want to blurt my feelings out before the party and risk showing up a blubbering mess but I wanted it to matter. I wanted it to be a cohesive experience. Women need atmosphere and all that junk and my ensemble was part of that. I needed to feel confident. Maybe I didn't need to feel sexy but I still wanted to feel like I wasn't a lumpy potato of a child about to proclaim that she wanted to kiss her former nap buddy. I wanted to feel like what he and I were becoming.

I wanted to feel like a woman telling a man she loved that she didn't care about initials carved into trees but wanted vows forged with platinum rings.

"Thanks for the help," I muttered weakly, taking a step away from the door, gesturing to him that he could leave so that I could finish putting an outfit together.

Inuyasha swallowed thickly, shoulders slumping and eyes dulling. He released a low growl, dropping the pants behind him before looking back down at the pile. My brows pulled together in confusion before I saw him reach down and pluck two things from my floor. Wordlessly, as amber eyes glared at me, he placed the two items in my hands and walked out, closing the door behind him.

I stared down at what he'd chosen, only a little surprised to realize that they weren't utter shit. I smiled, quickly pulling off the trash shirt I had on and slid into the tight ivory knit crop top before slipping on the red, over-sized flannel, leaving it unbuttoned to provide the illusion of modesty. I walked over to the mirror and beamed.

I stuffed my feet into some boots and grabbed a cross-body bag, feeling my phone buzz in the pocket of my high waisted shorts. I pulled it out and pressed it to my ear, still collecting my things and shoving them into my bag.

"Hello?" I asked, expecting it to be Inuyasha.

"Where are you?" Sango hissed through the phone, music in the background so loud that I could barely hear her.

"About to leave!" I replied, all but yelling into the speaker.

"Are you actually or-"

"Yes!" I snapped, quickly looking around my room. I was forgetting something but I couldn't remember with Inuyasha and Sango breathing down my neck.

"Okay then hurry! It's already a mad house here…"

I rolled my eyes, "we'll be there soon!" I hung up and put my phone back, gaze landing on my favorite necklace. I bit down on my lip. Without hesitating, I reached forward and grabbed it then threw open the door. "Come on!" I exclaimed to no one in particular, not so much as stopping for Inuyasha as I began to race down the stairs. He'd catch up to me in no time, I wasn't worried. "We're late!"

"Oh for fuck's sake," I heard Inuyasha groan, hopping to his feet again and following me down the stairs.

I was so distracted with getting the necklace on that I totally blew by the kitchen and all but ran out the front door with Inuyasha in toe.

"Hey!" He called, catching up to me with ease. "What are you-"

His eyes landed on the necklace but I didn't see it. I didn't see the way his gaze roved over me, a blush easily forming not only because I was putting on the red maple leaf necklace that always had him acting a certain way but because I was wearing his picks.

"What what?" I asked, whipping my head around and nearly colliding with him, my hands still fidgeting with the damn clasp behind my head. My unruly waves kept getting caught and it was making the whole thing unnecessarily difficult.

Inuyasha placed a hand against my stomach, stopping me.

"Wha-" I began, confused as to what he was doing before he grabbed the ends of the necklace from me.

"Move your hair," he muttered, gold eyes meeting mine for only a minute, brimming with warmth and something that looked dangerously close to adoration.

I did as I was told, biting down hard on my bottom lip as I felt his claws graze my skin. I heard the clasp click into place before he gently laid the necklace down, the cool metal feeling like ice against me as the pads of his fingers timidly pulled away from my neck, leaving a tingling trail of heat.

I swallowed and croaked out a whisper, "thank you."

He didn't look at me, Inuyasha just wordlessly started walking again and held out a hand.

I stared at it because, oh my god… did he-did he want me to hold his hand?! I was so overcome with the idea that I lifted a shaky hand into the air, hovering over his for a moment, silently telling myself that I was born to take his hand all before my dumb brain caught up.

He wasn't asking for my hand… he was asking for his cinnamon hearts.

I stilled.

"Shit," I muttered, hanging my head.

Inuyasha turned and faced me. "What?"

I began fidgeting with my fingers and laughing nervously, "um… so… uh… how mad would you be if…"

"You didn't grab them… did ya?"

I gave him the most awkward and uncomfortable sorry thing of a smile you'd ever seen, my head tilting to the side, still wringing out my fingers in front of me.

"Eight weeks."

"Yash!"

"Eight. Weeks." He repeated firmly, smirking like a goddam hyena as he stepped toward me.

The times I had noticed that predatory glint in his gaze were few and far between but that was one of those times. He was right in my space, amber eyes glittering as he stared directly into my freaking soul because he'd locked in on his prey and he knew I was pinned in his grasp. The fucker. I was suddenly regretting not taking complete advantage of him weeks earlier when the puppy pout had worked.

"Fine," I bit out. "Eight weeks of ramen…"

"Alright," Inuyasha exclaimed cheerily, "let's go and get this over with then!" He spun on his feet and marched happily toward Miroku's while I nibbled furiously on my bottom lip.

He was becoming such a problem for my sanity.

My skin had felt so hot under that intense look of his but despite the necklace, despite the clothes, despite having felt his inflaming touch, I felt a foreboding sense of doom press down on me. I'd never forgotten the hearts before. Ever. He ate that shit like so often I wasn't even sure if his mouth was normally red or was supposed to be pink like most people's. And yet… we were walking farther and farther away from my supply and he didn't seem the least bit bothered.

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, letting my head fall to the side because that seemed so out of place for him… Inuyasha ate them so consistently it was like a tic or compulsion. But he just continued to face forward, talking to me about nothing particularly important, acting as if the hearts I gave him were so trivial and I…

I couldn't help but wonder… what the fuck?!

I paused during the walk and literally sniffed my own pits because… he used them to mask my scent, right? So… why didn't he need them?

"Kags," he called from in front of me, "come on! Why are you dawdling so much tonight?"

Probably because I could feel the shift, if not in the air, in myself. I felt that heavy sense of foreboding because I had a woman's intuition; I knew he and I weren't going to walk out of that party as friends. I just hoped that, regardless, we'd be walking out together.

I could hear the party the moment we stepped foot onto Miroku's block. I pulled out little ear plugs for Inuyasha reflexively knowing that if I could hear the music that it was probably like a goddam bullhorn in his ear. He sighed and took them, stuffing them in his ears as we walked up to the front door that was ajar.

"That's not safe…" I commented flatly.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, ignoring me but pressing a hand to the small of my back and ushering me inside. My eyes widened and I almost stumbled from such a small yet intimate action. I loved the way he so easily and casually placed his hand on my back, the way he firmly and comfortably held me and guided me without real force as my shoulder brushed along his chest.

My head turned, my eyes wide with wonder as I momentarily ignored what was in front of me in favor of looking at who was at my side; Inuyasha. He stood so close, his arm all but wrapped around me as we moved, and I… there was no distance between us. The recognition and his touch made my knees feel so weak and my heart flutter so wantonly in my chest.

I'd told Sango touches like that were normal but really… were they? Maybe they were normal for him and I but were they normal for other friends? No one else touched me like he did and Inuyasha never touched Sango like that. Hell, Miroku never touched Sango like that. And yet, Inuyasha reached for me so readily and intimately under the most banal of circumstances.

I sucked in a breath, the memories crashing into me. I'd been so heart broken when he stopped touching me just like that when he began dating Kikyo but as I stepped up into Miroku's house for the party I began to wonder if they weren't normal like I had always presumed they were, at least… they weren't as platonic as I had always assumed.

However, as soon as I stepped into the house what I saw made me gawk in surprise, my thoughts taking a back seat to my vision as I felt Inuyasha stiffen.

"Oh god…" I muttered before releasing a long exhale and running a hand through my hair.

Miroku's super special plan? To throw a theme party. The theme? Throwback night. But get this… it wasn't like an 80s or 90s or even 00s themed throwback, no… When Miroku said throwback he meant he was bringing back the games. Inuyasha and I stood in the doorway, each looking at the various stations in the corners of the house with new rules posted on the walls.

I bit down harder on my lip, staring at the corner playing truth or dare and watching our drunk classmates strip and holler. Then I whipped my head to the other side, watching another group of people we'd grown up with play cards with more stripping and dog whistles. Not to mention the far corner where I could see a circle playing spin the bottle and so much tongue.

I should have known that Miroku would have created an environment specifically designed to foster one massive orgy. I had been so fucking naive.

"Nine," Inuyasha hissed in my ear. He was so close to me that I could feel the heat from his breath. So close that when I turned to look in his direction all I could see were his gold eyes burning and not in the way I wanted. Inuyasha was nothappy with Miroku's theme and it showed, meanwhile all I could think about was how many weeks of ramen I would have to promise him to get him to sit in the corner where people were playing spin the bottle…

I nodded sheepishly regardless, "deal."

"Kagome!" Sango ran toward us, crashing into me, her cheeks already flushed pink and gaze a little glassy from the alcohol. "You're both finally here!"

"Y-yeah," I murmured, resisting the urge to pat her on the head. She seemed a little wobbly but still stood up straight before she threw herself on Inuyasha next.

I hadn't really been concerned until she like… didn't let go.

"Hey Sango," he muttered. However, upon approaching a full minute of her just squeezing him, Inuyasha repeated himself nervously, "Sango…"

I cleared my throat and tapped her on the back, trying my best not to sound jealous or worried over her sudden desire to hold my king like he was an elixir promising a long, prosperous and healthy life, "hey… um… where's Miroku?"

As if the mention of our duke's name had awakened her from a deep slumber, Sango bolted upward and released Inuyasha. "Ah! That's right! He's in the basement."

The basement.

My lips tugged upward into a strained smile as I remembered that basement and the wonders I had experienced in it. "Let's go," I encouraged.

"Follow me!" She proclaimed, slurring only a tad.

I stepped forward immediately, my heart already beating faster as I moved, my hand unconsciously extending backward, reaching for Inuyasha. I wanted him with me and the moment I felt his claws dance around my palm, caressing the soft, thin skin on my wrist I smiled to myself. I was nervous, so nervous but I had him… His touch sent a small tickle up my arm and I wanted him to know that I was happy he was with me, so I turned, deliberately waiting for those brilliant eyes to collide with mine before I gave him a bright albeit somewhat shy smile.

Sango was right about the party, it was crowded. Miroku's house was smaller than Koga's and yet his guest list somehow seemed longer. I was having a hard time following Sango's lead but I really wasn't that concerned with herbecause I already knew where the basement was so….

I was more concerned about losing my king.

I tilted my head slightly to the side, not all the way but enough so that I could see him walking right behind me as we weaved through all the people and I reached for him again, except that time when I felt his touch I didn't want to let go of him. I curled my fingers around his, barely but still kind of holding his hand before looking forward again, my cheeks painted red as we wordlessly continued to follow Sango into the basement.

As we walked down the stairs my eyes roamed over the space, my breath catching in my throat. Miroku was in a circle but he and the others weren't playing spin the bottle like last time… they were playing seven minutes in heaven with the new rules posted in the corner nearest them.

I could feel Inuyasha's hesitance as we approached just as clearly as I could feel my own heart rate picking up, anxiety and excitement each swirling around within me and battling for dominance over my emotions.

He could smell it, the stench of my anxiety, I was sure of that. He always fixated on it when it surfaced. So when we reached the bottom of the stairs, I let Sango go ahead of us but I paused and addressed him. I could see the wariness in his gaze and the fear worming its way back into his heart. The scene was all too familiar for him, it was too much like the night I had hurt him.

"I know you don't like parties," I began unprompted but feeling like I had to say something, stepping up close to him and squeezing his hand. "I know you think that I just want you to come because I want someone to walk with there and back but… that's never been true."

Inuyasha frowned, his ears pressing back against his head while he searched my gaze.

"I like coming to parties with you and," I paused, turning to look at the ridiculous circle that Sango plopped herself into before she reclaimed her drink from Miroku who looked equally as drunk as her, "those games? Sitting in random closets with you? Those are the memories I cherish the most."

I released his hand and took a step back, letting my words sink in before I trudged forward. "I won't make you… but I'd like to play."

Inuyasha nodded reluctantly, the hand I'd held a moment earlier sliding into his pocket, likely already circling around his phone. I smiled weakly back at him for a moment, letting my gaze linger with his before turning and marching over to the group.

"I'm playing," I announced, taking a seat on the other side of Miroku.

The dark-haired man swiveled in his spot, smiling broadly in my direction before sliding me a drink with my name written on it. I was a little surprised, mainly because it seemed like he'd known I would play and I wasn't really keen on being that predictable but, whatever. I lifted the cup, shaking my head and rolling my eyes because I could immediately smell the liquor; he'd filled my cup with fireball.

What a guy…

I brought the cup to my lips for a sip but stopped when I felt Sango's fingers tap on my shoulder as she leaned across Miroku.

"Trust me," she began, "don't drink until you've been picked…"

I nodded, my gaze flickering briefly over to the 'rules' before getting distracted by the sight of my best friend taking his normal seat by me. Miroku twisted around, dropping a large cup with Inuyasha's name on it in front of him as well. I watched Inuyasha glare at our duke and sneer but he said nothing else, just letting the cup sit there untouched, his phone already open in his hand.

"Nice shirt," Miroku murmured, wearing a wicked grin, pinching the fabric of the red flannel I wore over my crop top.

Sango giggled in response to his comment but I just looked at them both quizzically. What was wrong with my outfit?

"What?" I muttered, my smile falling as I looked between the duo. Miroku waved his hand flippantly in my direction, refocusing on the game I'd interrupted while I saw Sango pull out her phone and point down at the screen.

Sighing, I slid my phone out and read her messages. I blushed instantly because… I'd forgotten. That flannel? It was Inuyasha's once upon a time. He no longer fit because he'd had a growth spurt but I'd kept it. I bit down on my lip and stared blankly at the screen.

No wonder he'd picked it… I smiled. He'd-he'd wanted me in something that was his. It felt like armor around me and I was suddenly so happy I'd agreed with his choice.

"Kagome."

I heard my name and I didn't need to look up from my phone because even if I was surprised to have been called out so soon I knew exactly who it was. I'd know that voice anywhere…

Little bitch.

I slowly dragged my gaze over to him only to find Naraku already staring back at me. He wore that same, blood boiling and devious smirk, red eyes dancing in delight as he looked me over. "What a shame Hojo isn't here…" He remarked flatly.

I glared back at him, feeling my heart thump against my rib cage both with fear and elation. I just needed to play my cards right. Why? Because I wasn't the only one with a predictable pattern of behavior…

I sat silently, watching as he tapped a long, pale finger against his chin, feigning thought. "Koga is upstairs at the moment so that's not helpful either… Maybe you'd like to be paired with Miroku?" He purred, toying with me.

"Sure," I answered, forcing my shoulders to relax and giving little bitch the most sincere and totally not disappointed smile I could manage.

He frowned immediately.

Excellent.

I watched his eyes dip and linger to the space behind me. I swallowed thickly, palms immediately breaking into a sweat, mentally shouting prayers to any god who would listen because yes, please pair me with my king…

Whatever Inuyasha had been doing prior to Naraku looking in his direction had stopped. I could no longer hear his claws tap-tap-tap over the surface of his phone but I heard him rustle behind me right before I felt him place a hand on my shoulder. He was trying to steady me like he always did.

The poor, ignorant fool… I didn't want to be steady. I wanted to be so fucking high and drunk on him that I would need to be carried out on a stretcher.

I chewed on the side of my cheek, internally begging while keeping my eyes on Naraku, please, please, please…

That fucker, Inuyasha, owed me seventy minutes of kisses and I wanted them. All of them.

I inhaled slowly, pulling my brows down and together in false frustration while I watched Naraku grin darkly in my direction. "For old time's sake…" he murmured, causing my poor, deprived, aching heart to summersault repeatedly in my chest as I used every ounce of will power I had to hide the sheer joy and relief that began to waft over me as he finished, "you and Inuyasha."

Oh little bitch… bless that cold, dank, dark heart of his. I so very much hated - wink, wink, nudge, nudge - that he was back on his bullshit again. Gosh darn, golly me, how just terrible of him to return to his petty antics! Such a tragedy, really…

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Sango exclaimed, surprising me and nearly spilling her drink, "he's clearly not playing! What is with you?! Every fucking tim-"

Miroku, brilliant, flawless, exquisite and all-knowing-even-while-drunk Miroku elbowed my beautiful duchess so hard in the side she actually coughed and while I didn't know if I approved of his method I had to admit he had some decent timing…

"What are the rules here?" I asked, voice straining because I was trying super hard not to betray my real feelings which were a cacophony of screams rattling my brain both in anticipation and nervousness.

"Kags-" Inuyasha began, a concern in his voice that I did not appreciate.

"Upstairs closet," Miroku began, cutting off my favorite half-demon, "eleven minutes and if you don't kiss at least once-"

"No fucking pecks on the cheek neither," little bitch interrupted, pointing at the two of us, grinning like he'd finally won, which, okay sure, sure you think that…

Miroku paused, glaring at the man before rolling his eyes and returning his attention back to me to finish providing an overview. He pressed his lips into a fine line, meeting Inuyasha's gaze before mine, "he's right. It has to be like a real kiss and if you don't…" He leaned forward, lifting up my full cup of fireball, "you gotta finish all that…"

"Honor system?" Inuyasha growled.

"Don't make us station someone outside your goddam door," Naraku spat.

"It is an honor system…" Miroku stated, "but…" his head tilted to the side, nonverbally referring to all the demons sitting in the circle who, I assumed, could snuff out most liars if need be.

I looked at the cup and then at the twinkle that had formed in Miroku's eye. Call it a hunch but I had a feeling he'd played a hand in orchestrating the whole affair. Really though, I didn't care if he had. I had a silver-haired king to press my face against. Or, at the least, I had a friend to grovel at his feet for the opportunity to remain his friend after admitting that I yearned for him like a fire craves oxygen.

"Where's the closet?" I asked, getting to my feet.

"Top floor, left side of the landing," Miroku almost sang, grinning at Inuyasha and I like he was a proud parent sending his kids off to school versus a drunk and lecherous high school sophomore coercing his friends to awkwardly kiss in a closet.

"Got it," I mumbled, turning to face my best friend, frowning when I saw his ears were flattened against the back of his head, lips moving quietly as he grumbled something to himself that I couldn't hear because my heart was in my ears but he didn't look eager.

I left the untouched cup of fireball with Miroku.

I was hoping I wouldn't need it…

Inuyasha and I remained silent as we walked, being lead by Naraku who apparently didn't trust us to get into the closet ourselves. I fidgeted with my fingers, worrying my bottom lip, feeling more like an inmate on her way to death row than a girl with a crush who had mercifully been paired with the person she wanted to be with versus literally any other person in the circle. I kept sneaking glances at Inuyasha but he wasn't looking at me.

He had a far off expression, brows pulled together in an irate scowl, facing forward.

My gaze dipped to the ground, taking a step up toward the closet that was on the second floor of the building. The music was piercingly loud and yet it felt like nothing next to the beat of my heart. The air was hot and thick but all I felt was my anxiety building higher and higher with every step I took.

I exhaled loudly, eyes wide as I looked around nervously. I idly wondered if any of our classmates were watching us get tossed into another closet together but as I scanned the spaces around me I realized… no one was looking.

They'd been so absorbed in our lives only a couple months prior that it felt a little weird to realize that the only one watching Inuyasha and I was Naraku as he escorted us through Miroku's abode.

My shoulders relaxed incrementally and for once… I observed the people around me. My eyes roamed over all the familiar faces, each one just living their lives, acting on their feelings and embracing what they desired.

"Kags," his voice broke through my reverie and I slowly pulled my gaze off of the people around us to face Inuyasha. "We don't have to do this, you know that right?"

I knew what he was trying to say. He was trying to make sure that I knew that they couldn't literally force us to kiss and that they couldn't literally force us to drink that shit for failing to kiss. He was trying to give me an out.

He hadn't known yet that I didn't want the out.

I was all in.

And I prayed that he would be too…

I placed my hand on his shoulder, taking the last step to the top of the landing on the second floor "I said I wanted to play and you're getting nine weeks of ramen out of this so you have to play too," I murmured, gazing into his ethereal eyes, feeling the heat singe my cheeks as I held his attention.

Inuyasha exhaled loudly, frowning. He looked about as nervous as I felt but he didn't try to renegotiate with me, he sighed, silently resigning himself to hanging out in a closet with me.

I ran the pads of my fingers along the back of his forearm down until they tickled his palm, trying to give him a sense of comfort. I watched his eyes widen in muted surprise and his lips part slightly, as if he wanted to ask me something but thought better of it. I gave him the best smile I could. He was still tense and his gaze still held some reservation but it was less so.

Good.

I was anxious enough for the both of us. He really didn't need to carry any of that on his shoulders.

"Okay, enough staring," Naraku sneered bitterly, holding open the door to the closet. "Get in. Someone will be back up to let you out in eleven minutes."

He didn't wait, little bitch just unceremoniously shoved us both into the closet and slammed the door shut. It was a crowded closet to say the least and I immediately squeaked because when we were smaller the closets had had more space but standing in Miroku's dusty storage space that clearly went forgotten when he wasn't throwing a party with hormonal teens playing ridiculous games under the guise of exploring their sexuality I remembered that Inuyasha and I had grown. I was taller and well… lumpier and he was taller and broader.

We were on top of each other, tripping over our own feet, haphazardly shoving coats around trying in vein to get a semblance of comfort.

"Maybe if we just toss some of the coats out," I suggested, voice muffled as a sleeve smacked me in the face.

"Yup, mmhmm," Inuyasha snapped, his claws glittering in the minuscule light we had as he menacingly held up a hand and glared at the coats, silently threatening to slash Miroku's shit to shreds.

I reached forward, stumbling against the door, tripping on Inuyasha's foot as I reached for the door knob and tried to open it. "Uh… we have a problem…"

"What is it now?" He snarled, the front of his chest suddenly flush against my back as he shifted around me, trying not to lose his balance on the random assortment of barely-worn shoes splattered on the ground.

"Door won't open," I stated, my voice a tad heavier than normal.

I could feel the heat from his body and his breath as Inuyasha leaned forward, snickering an inch from my ear as he reached around me basically encasing me with his arms and chest, trying the door knob for himself. He cursed beneath his breath when he realized the same thing as me; we were locked in.

"Who the hell even came up with this damn game?!" Inuyasha bit out, trying to step back, tripping on a shoe and falling into the coats.

I turned behind me, trying to stifle my laughter when I saw my poor king's amber eyes glaring up at the ceiling, lips moving incrementally as he muttered expletives below his breath.

I bit down on my bottom lip, letting my gaze drag over him. There wasn't a lot of light but my eyes were adjusting and I… I didn't hate the closeness or the view.

His eyes flickered to mine, ears pressed back and gaze narrowed. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

I rolled my eyes then reached around him, grabbing a string and tugging a light on. He squinted and recoiled away from it for a minute, his eyes taking a second to adjust before Inuyasha opened them again, looking impossibly more sour than before.

"Well," I began, my back pressed uncomfortably against the wall, looking funnily at the way Inuyasha was melting into the coats, "shall we?"

He frowned as I blinked at him expectantly. "Shall we what?"

"I really don't want to drink that whole thing of fireball…"

"Kags, it's the 'honor system'… we don't have to do anything… They won't fucking know the difference."

But I would.

I waited for a minute, letting the awkward silence settle before huffing. Fine then.

"Wanna play a game?" I tried, fidgeting with my fingers and trying to fight back the overwhelming disappointment I felt because it really didn't seem like he wanted to kiss me and I felt a little too physically close to him at that moment to dig too deep into that sentiment and the last thing I wanted to do was end up in a screaming match with him in a closet at Miroku's party because kissing me again was such an imposition.

"No, we'll be out in like ten seconds," he grumbled, looking away from me and glowering at the wall.

I checked my phone, "try eight minutes."

He sighed, hanging his head forward.

"Come on," I cajoled, "play a game with me. For old time's sake…"

His head snapped up and Inuyasha glared at me hard, "this entire thing is for 'old time's sake'! And it's stupid!"

My shoulders slumped and I frowned at him. I didn't understand why he was being so… harsh. I tried to speak, I wanted to tell him something to help him understand that I hadn't agreed to being in a closet with him so we could just make silly faces at each other like we used to but so that I could be with him and it was so dumb, I was so dumb, all the damn time-

"Would you fucking relax?" Inuyasha whined, crossing his arms over his chest and growling irately, his warm amber gaze dropping to the floor, looking so pained and dejected that it had me recoiling when I looked at it. He looked and sounded so tormented. "I'm not going to kiss you again, don't worry."

I hung my head, eyes casting downward, looking at the unkept floor. "Fine," I grumbled, shoving him aside and bending over, pushing items out of my way and making a space for me to sit before plopping my healed ass down.

I heard him sigh and start kicking at things, attempting to make room for himself as well, "what's your issue?"

"Why are you so grumpy?" I spat back, deflecting and cocking a brow at him as he sat down next to me.

"Because I don't like being shoved in closets!" He exclaimed. "We don't fit like we used to! This is tight!"

"Pretty sure that's the point," I muttered, looking away from him and crossing my arms over my chest.

A strained silence made a place for itself in the closet with us. We waited in that silence, my trepidation and frustration building the entire time because my mouth flapped but none of the words I wanted to say were coming out and I was getting so mad. Not at him but at myself. I bit down on my lip and could feel the tears pricking my eyes.

There were so many things I needed - I wanted - to say to him and my voice was failing me. It was so painful and I just watched my time with him tick away, eating at me like acid through flesh.

Eleven minutes passed but no one came to grab us. I watched him reach for the door knob again, growling when he pulled away. We both knew he had the strength to break it down but that was a last resort. As eleven minutes became thirteen then fifteen, I lolled my head to the side and looked at him again.

"So… about that game…" I muttered.

"Fine," he snarled, leaning back against a grouping of coats and glaring up at the ceiling.

I really didn't like his attitude. He was being rude and while I had some inkling as to why he was being such a negative Nancy I didn't appreciate it, especially when my own jubilation had been so thoroughly dashed because my big ass mouth couldn't do it's job and just spit out my truth to him.

In short, the night was turning into a disaster and I was still locked in a tiny as shit closet with an increasingly bitter half-demon who apparently did not want to kiss me so… fuck me.

"Truth or dare?" I offered weakly, expecting him to reject it outright.

"Sure," he replied tiredly. "You wanna start?"

"Yeah, why not?" I grumbled, leaning back against something. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," he replied and I smiled because, always pick truth.

Always.

"Why have you been a butt face since you saw me in a bra?" I asked, grinning as he shook his head at me, rolling his eyes.

"I have not."

"You have," I insisted. "I thought you and I were okay but lately you've been avoiding me…"

He groaned, "it's not like that-"

"Then explain it to me!" I interrupted. "You get so uncomfortable around me! I can't control periods and boobs and stuff…"

He rolled his eyes before screwing them shut while I watched him think. "I'm not-I'm not uncomfortable with you… becoming a woman or whatever. I just…"

"What? You just?…"

"I don't give a fuck that you're, I don't know, filling out, or whatever. I knew it would happen at some point… even if you still act like you're five," Inuyasha insisted firmly.

"You stutter and blush all the time…"

"Look who's talking! You're the one that's been a weirdo the past few months," he muttered, no doubt referring to me being a blushing mess of a teenage girl with a giggling crush on him.

"Whatever, your turn…" I grumbled defensively.

"Truth or-"

I gave him a look. He knew which I'd pick, it wasn't even worth asking me.

"Why the fuck did you want to play this game?" He asked, pushing away one of the coats that was irritating his ears.

I leaned forward, getting on my knees and just yanked the coat off it's hanger so that it would stop bothering him. "Because I like spending time with you," I answered in a sigh.

He gave me a deadpan expression, "why do we have to spend time in a closet? What's wrong with spending time in your living room?"

Um, because I would never live down the mortification of failing to kiss him in front of literally any member of my family… duh. Alternatively, if I succeeded in kissing him in front of my family or his mother that would certainlyresult in more rules and I didn't want that! I already felt like a freaking spectacle. I just wanted to be with him… I didn't want the mess or the complications that came with growing up or transitioning, I never had, and I didn't want anything else to come between us or make it harder to be with him.

I just wanted my king.

"What?" I teased, spreading out my legs so that they laid over him, "you don't like being so close to me?" Inuyasha didn't look the least bit amused, actually, he looked like he was on the verge of sneezing. I sat up. "I like the privacy," I admitted.

"The privacy?…" He repeated dryly.

I nodded slowly, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. "Yeah…" I gulped, fidgeting with my fingers. "So, uh, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Are you upset with me for forgetting the cinnamon hearts?"

He exhaled loudly, pausing and thinking. I watched the cogs turn in his mind. As he thought, I just looked at him and by that I mean I took a moment to appreciate everything that was him. My head tilted and my brows pulled together looking at those broad shoulders, how his noodle arms no longer seemed as soft, and how he really just… goddam. When had my little king, when had the boy I had known turned into such a man?

My heart pounded at the thought.

Evidently, I wasn't the only person who'd changed. He had too. I continued drinking in the boy I had grown up with because he really wasn't a boy anymore and I had no idea why that was only just then clicking in my brain. With every passing day the kid I'd met had become part of the past and that made me a little sad because I loved that child so much. I loved us so much… I loved it all. The candies. The naps. The pranks. I loved the forts and I…

His eyes met mine and I just stared back. I knew his gaze better than I knew myself and I bit down on my bottom lip, my own gaze softening because I could still see the boy in his wide, gold eyes.

The rest of him though? My king was growing up, or excuse me, filling out.

His muscles he used to hold me, to pull me close when I was careening, were more defined. The adorable cheeks he'd once had had slimmed into angular features that made my goddam heart gasp in sputtering swoons and had my mind knocking on fantastical doors that I'd never once even considered or worried about before. That voice I could pick out of any crowd had deepened and I'd be lying if I said that it didn't make me feel a certain way about him or that its new richness didn't immediately quell my fears.

As I had changed, so had he, day by day into a person I, evidently, thirsted for.

Inuyasha definitely wasn't a child anymore. I reached for the pendant around my neck, the pads of my fingers tracing the red veins. You don't give kids necklaces like that…

"Can I ask a different question, actually?" He furrowed his brows at me, waiting for me to just ask it, likely reserving his right to protest based on what the actual question would be.

"What's um… why do you only eat them around me?" I blushed as I asked, wringing out my fingers.

He looked totally confused then, his head tilting to the side and everything. "What do you mean?"

I glared at him, "you only ever eat the candies with me and… you said half the reason you like them is their scent…"

"Yeah… and?"

I looked down and away. "Yash… why do you-do you use the cinnamon hearts to… mask my scent?"

Silence. Utter silence.

Frustratedly, I exclaimed, "do you even like them?!"

He swallowed thickly, using a claw to scratch at the floor in front of him.

"Yash, come on, why the hell do you eat them?" I repeated, growing indignant.

"I have my reasons," he murmured vaguely, scowling.

"Tell me," I demanded.

He scoffed at me but I just, no. I wanted a damn answer.

"Yash," I repeated, scooting closer to him, "I have a dozen of those shits sitting on a counter at the house for you. Why would you keep taking them if you don't like them? What are these 'reasons'?"

Inuyasha refused to look at me but what I saw next had me questioning everything I knew… he… his cheeks were red… "oh my god… is that-is that a blush?!"

"Shut up!"

"Why are you blushing right now?! What is happening?!" I exclaimed so confused. Seriously, who blushed over fucking candy?! Okay, well, I did when he gave it to me but that wasn't because of the candy it was because I-

"Kags! Stop fucking yelling!" He snapped, his ears pinning back right before he covered them with his hands, the sound of my loud ass too much for his delicate senses in the small space even with the ear plugs.

"Yash, you've taken them for years… and you use them for the scent and I just…"

"I still want you to give them to me…"

"Why?" I pressed. "Is it just because you like the smell of cinnamon? If that's the case I can just get more candles-"

"No!" He exclaimed quickly, hands coming up and everything to stop me. I glared at him and waited for additional explanation. He groaned loudly, eyes screwing shut, "cinnamon… gives me headaches…"

"What the actual fuck?!" I hissed. "Who the hell just eats candies they hate and the smell of which causes them pain for years?! I could just give you a different candy, Yash!"

He looked like he'd eaten something rotten and I bitterly wondered if he was thinking of the damn cinnamon hearts as I stared at him with angry eyes. "Other candies wouldn't overpower your scent… like the hearts do…"

Inuyasha spoke so softly that it took me a few extra seconds for my brain to process his words but when I did I stilled. Ouch. "I-I didn't realize that you hated my scent so much…"

That felt like taking a bullet and caused me to become a stuttering and stammering mess, my eyes becoming warm with tears. My best friend didn't like the way I smelled. I had suspected it but it still hurt to hear.

Except, Inuyasha groaned and turned away from me, looking like a child on the verge of a tantrum but it was the wayhe'd bemoaned that stopped my train of thought because I knew that cadence well. He'd made it that time in the closet when I didn't understand his magic trick with the bunny and the hat. He'd made it in the blanket fort on the night of the New Moon. Truthfully, he made that same sound whenever I didn't understand something.

But he wasn't facing me. My face pinched in frustration. Inuyasha could groan all he wanted but I needed to understand. I needed to understand why he had spent years blocking my scent. It was certainly not kingly behavior…

I reached forward, grabbing on a silver forelock and forcing him to face me. I paused, my own eyes going wide because his entire face was red, a searing blush painting his cheeks and eyes so timid, so ashamed, I couldn't think of anything to say except, "Yash…?"

It was a plea. A heartbroken plea for more information, for guidance from him.

"You don't smell bad," Inuyasha murmured.

I frowned. "Okay so… is this a demon thing? I don't get it," I near whined. "Why… why have you spent all this time trying to mask my scent? I mean… I can wear stuff or shower more…"

I could see the turmoil in his eyes. He was debating something.

"Tell me."

"No.

"Please?" I asked, scooting closer to him before wincing. "Oh shit, is-am I too close?" I looked around, nibbling on my lip because if my scent was a problem then I probably needed to back up.

"N-no!" He exclaimed, an edging panic in his tone that really threw me for a loop. Inuyasha could see my confusion and I watched his lip curl in a snarl, eyes forced shut again as he ran a hand through his bangs.

He was dealing with something and I recognized that expression. From the New Moon.

I reached out, placing my hand over his, finding my patience because he was nervous and insecure and I knew he needed it. "I'm just trying to understand," I explained. "You say my scent isn't bad but you constantly try to mask it and the only other thing I know you like the smell of is-"

I cut myself off and I felt him tense beneath my hand.

Scent was always an important sense for him. In all the years I'd known him he told me about all the things that smelled bad and all the scents that revolted him. There were dozens. Like that cheese at the diner we'd gone to when he'd broken up with Kikyo. But there was only one other scent that he'd ever spoken of in a remotely positive light; ramen.

His favorite food.

Inuyasha defended it and loved it like his goddam life depended on it. I scrunched my face. "You… you want to eat me?"

"How the hell did you get that?" He asked. "What do you even mean by 'eat you'?"

What stuck out to me was that his answer was a deflection, it wasn't a 'no.' I narrowed my eyes and leaned back. "I think the term is pretty easily defined. Eat. Consume. Devour. The only other smell I know you like is ramen! And you inhale that like being without it would literally kill you!"

He just blinked at the door. That was it. Fuck. My best friend thought I was dinner. I was suddenly really glad I had decided against rolling in bacon…

It was a demon thing.

Shit, did dog demons eat people back in the day? I suddenly realized that for his queen and best friend I literally knew so little about half of his lineage. I would need to remedy that…

"Kags… I don't want to eat you," he clarified flatly, speaking in a groan.

"Yash, I'm not understanding! You don't cover up the scent of ramen-"

"Because I can have ramen!" He blurted before immediately snapping his mouth shut and recoiling like he'd been slapped.

"Wha-" It all came crashing down on me then. He didn't want to eat me. Inuyasha just… wanted me.

I felt dizzy.

My own words, my own knowledge of my king, it all haunted me as I sat in that tired closet less than a foot away from him, understanding ripping through all of my senses and what I thought I knew far more violently than I ever would have guessed.

I could feel it as it came on; the fear, the excitement, the pain, the ache in my bones that called for him. Truthfully, what I thought about at that moment wasn't Inuyasha… it was all the people that had conspired so often throughout my tender age to shove me and my best friend together because boys and girls can't just be friends!

Why? Because here's the thing… no one had ever once pushed me toward Miroku.

Hell, the only one that had ever pushed me toward Hojo or Koga was Kikyo and she'd had ulterior motives that were plain as day.

What am I trying to say here?

It had never been about whether or not a girl or a boy could only be friends.

It had always been about that he and I… Inuyasha and I weren't friends. We were something so much more inarticulable and divine.

The problem was that he'd spoiled me from such a tender age that I hadn't understood. I had thought that he was the epitome of friendship that I wanted to ruin for selfish reasons.

But the evidence had always been right there. The peons had tried to tell me… our friends had tried to show me… and Inuyasha was…

I had seen all the evidence earlier that evening when I had looked out and observed all my other friends and peers at the party. There had been plenty of platonic relationships between various people. Girls, boys, demons, and everyone who identified differently, there were non-romantic connections that were so heart warming they'd put a big smile on your face but it was the juxtaposition between the different types of interactions that had me feeling dizzy and light-headed.

When I had looked out at our peers while walking up the stairs to the very closet I sat in, I had seen my knight and Ayame in the crowd. I had watched the gentle touches they'd exchanged, feeling tears prick at the back of my eyes because the casual intimacy she and Koga shared was so visceral to me that I could easily recall the countless times clawed hands had touched me the same. I had also found Shiori in a small circle with her friends and even from my distance I had seen the way her closest friends stood near by. I had noticed the way the demon Inuyasha said she had a crush on stood so much closer to her, the look he'd had in his eyes so agonizingly familiar that I only recognized it when it was coated in silver and gold.

Even when I wasn't looking at him, I could feel Inuyasha's presence. I always had, that burning flame of an aura that chased away even the most bitter cold clung to me and reminded me that he was right there. His voice was in my ear and it blurred into the background, the sound of my own thoughts and mind pulling it all together piece by piece.

All the little gestures and the things that separated friends from more.

And the truth of the matter was and always would be that Inuyasha and I had always been more… Touch was his language and I had known that but I hadn't paid attention to it.

He'd always loved me.

And not in the way Sango or Miroku loved me, despite my density, but because he was all in too.

Even worse, Inuyasha had never stopped loving me just as I'd never stopped loving him.

What had changed was that for a moment in time we'd both hid. Whether it was all my doing, whether he'd had his own reasons for withdrawing, or whether it had been because deep down we both knew and were terrified to admit to ourselves let alone to each other that what we had was so all consuming and devastating in its fervent that turning back would never be an option once it was started, really started, it didn't really matter because we'd both backed off when we should have pressed forward. I had let my insecurities and fears blind me to the one thing I'd always known; I was his.

Sitting there then, I knew my eyes were finally open. I wasn't sleeping anymore. My vision wasn't clouded with child-like wonder or blocked by my own perceived limitations. I was wide awake and I was seeing everything in front of me. I was seeing my king, not as the dirt-covered boy who ran around with me on the playground but the man who's touch made me ravenous and who's eyes made my heart stutter with a fever that I never wanted to die and that that heat he gave me…

Koga and Hojo had never compared because they didn't see me like Inuyasha did. They didn't love me like he did.

Inuyasha and I had been friends for all of three minutes, tops, when we were five but every moment after that was nothing short of an expression of a pure, divine, and unbreakable love that had needed to evolve with us. It had needed to go through the growing pains and morph to meet our changing needs and desires.

I understood then that all that pain that I had been in, it wasn't just the ache in my bones that came with getting taller it was our relationship inching toward a more mature and indestructible connection. Boys no longer had cooties, they had eyes that dazzled and muscles that held me pressed up against strong hearts and danced with me despite blistered feet. Inuyasha didn't have a high, young voice, he had a soothing timbre that told me I was beautiful when I felt ugly and reminded me that I was more important…

My king, Inuyasha, my best friend, was a man of action. So many things that I had ignored flooded to the forefront of my mind as my body began to tremble because holy fucking shit saying that I was as blind as a bat was a terrible, terrible insult to bats. Bats would have been able to see more clearly than I had.

Every time he reached for me, needing a physical touch to show that I was there. Every time he came home to me. Every time he had murder in his eyes and vitriol dripping from his words when I mentioned Hojo or Koga. God, even every time he had held back about Kikyo.

His necklace that he'd given me that was so beautiful and always made him flustered and bashful when I wore it…

Those were his actions.

I felt partially sick. Inuyasha had been trying to tell me, for a really long time. He really, really had and I'd…

My sword and shield. He'd been trying to be there for me. How long he'd known that he like-liked me I had no idea but I knew that for as long as he had, Inuyasha had been a better friend to me than I had to him.

I inhaled sharply.

The realizations kept smacking me in the face. The expediency of it was painful. My heart raced and I felt like puking.

More than all of that though...

I looked up, my eyes brimming with tears because…

He liked me.

And not platonic-like. Inuyasha, my king, the boy-man-person who lit my whole world in a brilliant blaze of silver and gold, he like-liked me. His queen. His best friend. His bean-turned-potato with a penchant for melodrama and a big mouth on the playground. Why he liked me I may never fully understand but, honestly, did that even fucking matter?

His panic… the dancing, the constant physical closeness, the touching… the kisses.

I felt warm. My blood was hot. My mind was light and airy. My chest swelling as my heart that had ached for so long no longer pulsed with agony but beat with purpose and elation because I was his and he wanted to be mine so badly that he was giving himself fucking headaches to keep himself away from me.

Everything suddenly felt like it was moving in slow motion while my mind creeped along.

I was high again. Struggling to think. Struggling to focus because the emotions and the joy were so overwhelming and exciting that I was completely captivated and internally screaming, drinking in that moment and processing it.

Oh but my king…

He looked anything but joyous. His fluffy ears that I wanted to see flicker and swivel in their adorable, excited little movements were pulled back, flat against that silver hair that I wanted to decorate the heads of any and all my future children. Those lips that I wanted to feel pressed against me until time itself combusted were turned downward in a shamefully nervous frown. His jaw that I wanted to trace with the pads of my fingers and decorate with tender kisses was set and clenched as if the idea of saying anything else was incomprehensible. And those eyes… those eyes that I never wanted to look away from were glaring at the door, as if blaming the locking mechanism for this whole mess, his brows pulled together tightly.

But that gaze… I wanted it on me.

I wanted him to see how happy he made me. Even as just friends my king filled my world with wonder and ecstasy. I couldn't begin to comprehend the absolute nirvana and rapture that would follow. It would surely break my brain.

And I wanted that more than I wanted anything else.

He was so quiet, jaw clenched, eyes staring painfully at the door waiting for me to hurt him again. Inuyasha was reliving the same experiences but seeing a different outcome. He was seeing a world where that devastating and all consuming love wasn't returned. I hated it and he needed me.

He was so foolish and I couldn't very well admonish him for it after I'd been the biggest dumbass to walk the face of the Earth. But I did need to set him straight…

He needed to know that his queen was literally dying for him.

So I acted.

I leaned forward, my heart hammering in my chest and blood rushing through my ears so quickly that I could barely hear my own voice as I spoke. "Remember when we were five and I asked you to kiss the ring?"

Inuyasha looked physically pained by my voice. He grimaced immediately, still refusing to face me. "Oh come on, Kags. I don't wanna do this-" he began, thinking that I was probably going to try and make light of his feelings instead of tell him the truth.

He leaned farther away from me. He was so uncomfortable it was palpable.

But he would hear me. I would not be deterred.

I reached forward and pulled on his soft silver forelocks, tugging hard enough to get him to face me but not hard enough to hurt. I watched him swallow so thickly that it was audible even to my ears. His cheeks burned so red with shame and embarrassment that I couldn't believe I had ever acted in a manner that would make him so fearful in my presence.

"That was when I knew I had to have you," I answered, my voice soft and low but I knew he would hear it.

He forced his eyes shut and shook his head. "I know you wanted to be my friend. That's not-that's not what I'm talking about…" God, he was just as blind as I was. The poor guy. Inuyasha was waiting for the letdown. That wouldn't do. Not at all.

"Inuyasha," I stated. I used his full name with intention and I watched his ears rigidly press down further as his eyes opened with incredible effort and force to look at me.

"What?" He bit out, trying not to let the anger or the fear color his voice and failing miserably.

I smiled and released his forelocks, instead brushing my fingers across his cheek and biting my lip. How could anyone ever turn him down? How could anyone yearn for something other than his entire heart and soul? I hadn't the faintest.

The look in his eyes was the first to shift but it still wasn't what I wanted to see. Inuyasha didn't look as scared but he was still cautious. He didn't get it. Not fully and that was fine because I wasn't anywhere close to being done explaining it. It didn't matter if I sputtered like a moron or that my voice failed me every time that I tried to tell him how I felt because… to Inuyasha, actions spoke louder than words…

What was a queen in my position to even do?!

That hand that had caressed his cheek? I sifted it through his hair, curling it around him, holding him and pulling that face that I would kill for toward me. I didn't hesitate. Not that time. Never again. I pressed my lips onto his and I wrapped my other arm around him. I pulled him flush against me and held on tight because I had gone too fucking longwithout his heat, without the feeling of him searing my flesh.

I wanted to burn in his arms.

And I did because even though it took his brain about a one-hundredth of a second to catch up - I know, foreverbasically - he caught on.

I felt his muscles drain of tension as he shifted, his arms wrapping around me, just as desperate and hungry for the fire. I swear I almost cried at the sensation of his reciprocation, the pressure of his touch firmly resting against me and drawing me closer, as if any evidence that we were not actually one sentient being was too torturous to bear.

Oh and those lips…

There was a reason I had missed them so much. I learned something then, something I hadn't expected but once I realized I… well… my brain melted.

Full on, goop for thoughts.

I learned that those lips weren't just fun to fantasize about and that there had been a reason even a 'bad' kiss from him had been enough to fuel my desires for years.

My king was talented.

And you know what the best fucking part was? He… him… he tasted so much better than those fucking cinnamon hearts. So… fuck. Last time we kissed it was like I had been a comet sucked into his gravity but broke free, not by sheer will but because our trajectories had been so off. At that moment, in Miroku's dingy closet, I had been entirely sucked into his gravitational pull.

Made only worse when my tongue skimmed his lips and reciprocated. I barely felt his hands as he sifted farther into my hair, pulling me impossibly closer because I was too enraptured by his kiss, the way our tongues danced, all of it.

I had never hated air more than when - and I wish this was hyperbole - my chest literally sputtered, forcing me to pull away because I hadn't actually been breathing. I gasped for air but did not release him.

My grace and poise was unparalleled… I know.

Now the thing about that closet? Lot's of shit in it. Like awkwardly placed shit. You could very well tell that Miroku's family used it for miscellaneous garbage not just because of the random assortment of items in it but by the lack of organization with which they had used to bring it all together.

Why am I telling you this? Because as I leaned forwarded to resume my life's mission of kissing him until my lips fell off I, um, I slipped… Or rather, what I had been leaning against suddenly shifted and my balance faltered. My legs slid out from under me and I fell to the side, my hips crashing into a box.

That would certainly bruise but I busted out laughing, still holding on to him, then practically hanging off of him. It hadn't mattered though because Inuyasha was laughing too, a happy, relieved, excited and bubbly thing of a laugh. I was sure the voices of literal angels would sound no better than a toddler playing a dumbass recorder next to the sound of my king's rejoice.

I should have probably gotten up. I should have probably fixed my positioning.

I didn't.

That would have required letting go of him and I wasn't ready to do that. So instead, I dragged him down to the floor with me. I pulled him over me, kicking away all those stupid coats that were trying to separate me from my other half. The salt to my pepper. I held him close because for fuck's sake he felt good to hold and kiss and ugh.

"What?!" He exclaimed, not a single ounce of heat in it and more I think a reflex in response to something he wasn't expecting.

"I was lonely," I pouted, bringing him closer still.

I never wanted to let go. And I got the feeling he didn't either… I half expected him to make fun of me but I think Inuyasha was a little to relieved, too excited, too high to care because my grumpy, brash king didn't say anything else, instead I felt those lips press tenderly against the line of my jaw as I drew in shaky breath after shaky breath, my whole body absolutely thrumming and shouting with joy as he held me.

I turned my head back, our noses brushing, my chest rising and falling in an exaggerated rhythm because I realized there would never be enough fucking air and I was wasting my goddam time trying to fill my lungs. A queen's time is precious… it shouldn't be wasted.

Neither should a king's.

"Just to be clear," I murmured, ghosting my lips across his, "I like you… and I mean that I…" I swallowed thickly, staring straight into his eyes, "I-I want you too…"

I waited long enough to see the amber fire of his soul burn more ferociously than a star on the brink of collapse and then I dove back into the flames, feeling his effervescent smile as I did so. He dug a clawed hand into my hair and held me like a queen deserves to be held; with a firm grip and endless devotion.

I reached up, tenderly grazing an ear with my fingers. Not a second later, he grabbed my hand and held it, a low growl reverberating across his chest, my eyes blowing wide as I bit down on my bottom lip because I had never heard thatgrowl before…

"Don't," he instructed in a thick voice that was so warm and sultry I nearly shivered as it caressed my senses.

I wanted to ask him why but he saw my question and bit playfully down on my bottom lip before kissing me again and I just… well… goop for thoughts, remember? I could get more information from him later because as much as I loved his ears, I really only wanted his lips. So, I didn't ask but I dove right back into him.

I had no idea how long our friends just left us in that closet. I didn't fucking care. All I knew was that I had what I wanted.

At some point they did send someone to get us though… I had expected Inuyasha to be aware of when they would come because, well, the ears. There was no way that he wouldn't have heard them, right?

Wrong.

That door swung open, with little bitch standing on the other side, Inuyasha on top of me. I squeaked, eyes opening wide because how fucking rude did he have to be to open that damn door?! Seriously.

I bet you'll never guess what my amazing, valiant, ridiculous king did next though...

I watched Inuyasha's entire face scrunch into annoyance of a magnitude I had never seen before he swiveled around using that unparalleled demonic speed of his, grabbed the handle to the door, saluted Naraku with his middle finger then slammed the door shut again, his lips immediately returning to where they belonged.

Seven minutes in heaven was over for the rest of the party-goers but we were just getting started.