Notes

I plan on posting elsewhere but am unsure if I will. An ongoing story that will never be finished. I started this story based on a song and it began in 2019. Sorry for any grammar errors.

Italics mean the past and non italics mean present. This story revolves a lot about thinking back. Much like if you or I were heavily influenced by situations of our past, we use that to guide us forward.

It's been seven years, her face grimaces as she sighs staring into the red wine in her glass. Sitting alone poking at the pasta in her bowl. The soft piano plays from the stereo above. No matter how drunk, sober, hungry or not, he comes back to mind. It was simply unfair. A true cruel punishment she put herself through. The blue-haired woman thinks back to when she was in highschool. Specifically about her highschool sweetheart. Gajeel, the tall statured man who had luxurious long hair. She was always so jealous, because of the length and health of his hair. She envied the strength it took to have all the ear piercings, to be glared or double glanced at to be judged without being known. She could never. Other people's opinions mattered too much to her. But that was close to a decade ago, and here she sits alone haunted by the past.

She continued to ponder the past, around four years ago right around her twenty first birthday she was sitting at a bar that Gajeel used to take her to in highschool. They went in highschool because Gajeel could pass without an ID. Or so she thought. The barkeeper was actually just his good friend Gray, who did not care about serving minors. So when she was twenty one she returned to the bar. Surprised to see Gray, who still worked there. He was surprised to see her, recognizing who she was. In highschool Levy was just too shy to talk to Gray because she felt she would get kicked out for her age. When she was twenty one she had grown to be more courageous. Gray and her regularly reminisce on the past, regularly share their tastes in wine with one another, and she began showing up every Friday evening.

Until the fifth or sixth time Levy and Gray sat silently at the bar reading a novel. It was a slow Friday Levy tended to come a little earlier and leave before the true s showed. The barkeeper cleaned and prepped for the night to come as the door squeaked as it opened. Surprised they both looked up, there a dark figure stood. The light did not illuminate the area, and the huge figure took steps towards the bar. Levy raised her hand to her mouth and she gasped. Gray was the first to speak, a scowl on his face. "It's a surprise seeing you here, Gajeel."

The red eyes pierced hers, as he approached in long large strides. The boots seemed to be hammering on the woods floors, as the sound echoed in her mind. He looked so much more manly than the last time she saw him. It had been almost three years then. He had gotten tattoos on his arms, more piercing everywhere. His hair had grown more wild, like a lion, he wore it like a mane. Levy lost for words stared at her highschool sweetheart. He had changed but her heart had not. She longed for him. She loved him, she loved him when he disappeared, she loved him her sophomore year, and she will probably always love him.

He was then only a couple feet away from her, as his eyes had not left hers. She inhaled deeply, opening her mouth and a sound did come out but it was more a squeak. She tried again as she fumbled his name, it had been so long since she had said it. "Ga-Gajeel." with a pause to breathe again to calm her nerves as she felt her hands shake it felt he was looming over her. "What are you doing here?" She looked down at the glass of wine on the bar, tears welling in her eyes, overwhelmed and distraught. She was angry, and frustrated.

Even now, four years later. She could just not understand that evening. The turn of events that brought him to the Strauss bar. The bar she felt safe at. That he had shown her. The summer she had graduated, he had suddenly disappeared. They had plans on the day he disappeared. She called, she texted, anxiety of course but belief he would come back. But college started, and he had yet to return. She had not seen any one who he used to hang out with either. She still had that phone number in her phone. She wanted him to come back so much. But every day had ups and downs.

"Excuse me," a young woman with purple hair, as she approached, breaking the petite women's thoughts, "would you like a to go box?"

A flush filled her cheeks, "ah yes," the woman left the bill, and she quickly pulled out the cash from her purse and placed it on the table. The togo box was packed with most of the pasta. She took a long swig of her wine. Proceeding to head towards the door pulling her phone to her ear. Only one ring, before a sweet voice answered. "Levy, how are you my love?"

"I'd love to come over," Levy whispered, filled with emotions. Talking was just tough.

"Of course, are you at the Strauss Bar? Should I expect you in thirty minutes?" Lucy replied.

"Ah, Yes I will be walking over if that's okay." She fumbled, with her words.

"I can't wait, I haven't seen you in forever! Make sure you walk on the side of the road that's well illuminated! See you soon!" and it was as simple as that as her phone clicked, ending the call.

Levy started on her way from the bar. The air was warm and the midnight sky had stars and constellations poking through the shrouds of darkness. She let her thoughts consume her again while the walk was like a second nature to her.

When Gajeel popped out of nowhere, Levy had felt so abandoned. She felt so weak with him. When she had asked where he had been, she did not know what the answer she was looking to have. She had thought of everything from the time he left, he could have died, met another woman, took a job somewhere else but none of them really brought her any closure. So she stopped thinking of all the possibilities, and she just longed for him to come back. What she did not expect was for him to lean down at her height, and embrace her. His large arms, his warm body. His muscles flexed around her as she lost everything she had and went limp. Tears hitting his shoulder.

After what felt like forever and what felt like too little time, Gajeel pulled away. Her surroundings came back as she looked at her friend, awkwardly standing there with his lips firmly shut. Eyes furrowed, not the welcoming friend she had seen. "I want the usual," Gajeel grunted towards him.

"Am I supposed to remember this," he shot back an icey tone in his voice. He turned towards getting a shot glass.

Gray quickly made Gajeel his go to drink from highschool, placing it between the two, and walked away. Leaving the ex couple alone.

"Sorry I missed your Birthday Shrimp," he mumbled. These were the first words Gajeel had spoken to her in many years. Not sorry for abandoning her, not sorry for the endless nights she cried for him. And her birthday had been a couple weeks prior. But thinking about it now, he had missed many birthdays, not just her twenty first. So he should have said plural, Birthdays.

"I-its okay." She choked out, as her hand twisted a piece of loose hair that had slipped from behind her ear. She did not make an effort to stare back into his scarlet colored eyes. Which searched for something in her. She did not know what though.

"I uh, got you something." He pulled something out of his pants, and placed a crumpled card on the dark wood bar. It was a white. Why white, did it stand for something more. The color means purity, or was it her innocence. Did he choose the color for the freshness to start a new slate? Sighing she's overthinking it, Gajeel could never have thought that hard. The color stood out against the bar nonetheless.

"Really?' The girl whispered, overwhelmed, and wondering if this was all some sort of sick joke.

"But you can't open it till you get home," He gave a signature grin. She placed her small hand on the envelope sliding it to her purse. She swiveled to take a gulp of her wine. While Gajeel took the shot of whiskey as if it was water. The air was tense. There were so many questions Levy had damn near rehearsed for years but to no avail she could not even remember, let alone speak them. Which was one of her biggest regrets. The lack of strength and the lack of willpower to be firm with Gajeel that day. Gajeel broke the silence, "So- do you come here often?" He gave a gihi at the end of his question.

Still shaky she turned back to him, obviously he knew where to find her. She had only been to that bar a handful of times, and only during quiet hours. There had been no way this was a coincidence.

Still staring down, whispering, "maybe just often enough."

Gajeels hands met hers in her lap, as he gave a firm squeeze. Which felt like a shock going through her entire body. "My sister, she's been very sick. As long as I could remember, they never gave her long to live. So it's a miracle she's alive today."

She, like an addict, bought his story at the time. She believed him every word. His shirt at the time hugged him so tightly, and his arms were so clearly larger than they were in highschool. It felt just as if they were in highschool at the bar.

There was a gust of wind, the walls echoed with the sound of four all black motorcyclists speeding by. This caused the blue haired woman in her black slacks and light green shirt to jump. As quickly as they appeared they disappeared over the hill she had been ascending. She quickly looked both ways and sped up to cross the road to the illuminated side of the street. Like Lucy had said.

It was only a little longer before she would arrive. He consumed her thoughts. Frustrated, she kicked an acorn that was laying on the sidewalk. He had lied to her, he had betrayed her. His story never added up, his story of his absence was a complete lie. But why, why did he lie about something like that. He said he had left to be by her side. The night after the strange encounter at the bar he walked her home, and asked to see her again at the same bar at the same time the next night. And like an addict, she needed more so she complied.

The same time the next night Levy had arrived. Gray's eyes widened, as she approached the bar fifteen minutes early. "What are you doing here Levy, I thought we only had our dates on Fridays." He joked, sliding his leather jacket onto the bar. She smiled, making her way past more paterons than she had ever seen before.

As she sat down placing her hands on the bar and getting comfortable on the bar stool, she smiled confidently back which was new to Gray. "I am expecting Gajeel," but his easy soft smile quickly turned to a frown. To change the topic, she points at a Tv on the wall not too far from the bar. "I see that's working, did you get it fixed this morning? I don't remember ever seeing this thing working."

Gray ran a hand through his hair as he already began working on Levy's wine. "Oh that? Yeah we had someone come replace the old one."

Sliding the glass towards Levy, "I don't think you should rekindle that relationship of yours-," as Gray spoke solemnly and seriously making eye contact with Levy, a sitting at one of the tables away from the bar began to yell at him.

"Boy! Turn the channel to channel five! Some crazy stuff is going down." His eyebrow twitched as he quickly grabbed the remote, tempted to throw it at the old man. Spending no time to look at what he changed the channel to, turning his attention back to Levy, attempting to make the same tone of seriousness, "That guy is bad news Levy."

Interrupted again but this time by the blonde bombshell standing on a street not too far from the bar, red and blue lights behind her, with many cops standing around. "The suspect has been arrested for an armed robbery of a bank, here in Mongolia. His name is Gajeel, Gajeel Redfox," she stared into the camera, as the image of a mugshot of his appeared next to her. "Recently released from prison for a string of stealing cars, he was found near his childhood neighborhood with thousands of dollars in cash."

At this point Levy's eyes wide, unable to remember whatever Gray said, everything went numb. The other guests were chatting about the TV, but those were just noises. She began to crumble. If she had been holding her glass of wine she definitely would have dropped it. Gray quickly grabbed his jacket and came around the bar. The guests were starting to get rowdy and did not notice him grab her around the waist and usher her into the kitchen. Through the kitchen to a small room with a safe, a computer screen watching the bar connected to security cameras. And two office chairs. He sat Levy down, and wrapped her in his leather jacket. She looked really good, in her blue dress that hung close to her body, cutting off at her knees. The brown leather matched well with her dress. He was also speechless, but the rowdy crowd would not be the best environment to the then sobbing Levy.

His arms hugged Levy, as she gasped for air in between her sobs. This could not be real, she thought. Gray, for a loss of words, held her. That's all he could do. In Between her gasps and her sobs, she incoherently spoke, still unsure to this day if Gray even had the slightest idea of what she was saying. "I don't get it," her hands grasping Gray's sea blue v neck t shirt. Her knuckles turned white because of how tight she held him. "The letter, the letter he gave said he was sorry for leaving. He said he couldn't wait to see me, and said he'd never leave me again!" She let the tears run all over his shirt.

At some point Gray released his embrace, he gave one more pat to Levy's hair, and walked away to get back to the bar. Levy doesn't know if there were any more words that Gray spoke to her at that time.

Once he came back, snapping Levy out from her numbness, "We closed Levy, I am going to drive you home now." The kitchen lights off, and she had never heard the bar so quiet. She quietly got up, and made her way out of the bar. She walked to the only car in the parking lot, while Gray stayed at the heavy wooden door and locked the bar. He made his way to the car door opening the new glossy black honda, and closed it behind her. He even walked her to the door to her apartment. Before she closed the door, Gray spoke one more time. "I will see you tomorrow at the bar at the same time, don't forget it."

She jumped straight up, now in present time, "LEVY!" Lucy screamed, as Nastu came running towards her to check her condition. While Gray, hands behind his head, only in swim trunks and sandals trailed Lucy. Nastu stopped and looked Levy up and down, making her uncomfortable. Quickly Lucy hit Natsu on the back of the head, before turning to Levy with a soft smile on her face.

"Hey Lu, why are you here?" completely oblivious to the domestic abuse she just witnessed, and the damn near naked Gray.

"Do you have any idea of how long you've been walking Levy?" The worried blonde pulled Levy into a hug. A hug she needed. There was a couple seconds as the boys stood there, not knowing what to do. "What are you a snail? You've never taken so long. I was worried someone was harassing you!"

"Well what time is it?" The women pulled away from the long embrace. Levy's dark brown eyes met her taller light brown eyes of her beautiful friend.

"We left the house when you were fifteen minutes late." She sighed, reading Levy like an open book, "Were you thinking about him again?" Her hands grabbed Levy's shoulders. Levy looked away and only nodded.

"Let's go Luce, the food is getting cold." Nastu spoke walking towards the house. Natsu, a pink haired man, best friends since highschool, and roommates during Lucy's college years. Now they live in a house they own together, but they both claim they are not dating. So Lucy's potential boyfriend.

Its odd forsure, but they are both dumb enough, and neieve enough that they think they are not a thing. Even though all the signs display they are a couple. Since knowing them they have not dated anyone else, or displayed any signs or shown any interest to any one else. So in the long run, they are committed to one another. Natsu, a freelance contractor, works in construction and does oddball jobs. But he's happy, and Lucy doesn't mind.

Lucy used to be a television news host, she was the one reporting the story that awful day of the bank robbery. She quit, after she released a novel that did well. She also writes for newspapers, or stories for npr. But she doesn't like being in the limelight. On the same token, she does modeling part time to make sure they can live comfortably. Nastus' job never has a steady income, and with the book she used all that money to put a down payment on the house. But Nastu and her have a gorgeous home.

Glancing over at Grey, walking ahead of them, he has recently gone back to school at a local community college. He's still undecided but he wants to go into marine biology. But he worked at the bar for some time, he bought the Honda Civic in cash, and saved up as much as he could. So he can work just part time at the Strauss bar, and make due. He has financial aid for college, and when he goes into the university he'll take on loans. But he is happy.

As they headed towards the house the boys began. Gray started, "You need to forget him, he's a waste of your time. Not worth another second." It's hard to hear, but Gray has been lecturing her for the past four years. So it's not new news. He was probably right, his dark eyes looking back to read the face of her own.

Nastu was quick to respond, so thankfully she did not have to. "You don't need to be so hard on her, you don't think she gets that?!"

Gray quickly got closer to Nastu, "Oh Yeah Flame Brain?! Giving it to her lightly sure has helped her huh?" Levy's eyes quickly looked down as they walked. It was a painful subject just to be thrown around.

Natsu sighed. " you're too cold, ya know?" He glared back at Gray, " You've never been in love you'd never understand." Now they are in front of Lucy's home. The white house, with a black garage door black banisters for the small porch, and roof. And a light grey, front door. With a big welcome sign.

"You saying you've been in love before?" Gray teased, crossing his arms over his bare chest.

Both Natsu and Lucy blush, as the group stood in front of the door. Of course they two blue haired knew the answer but the real question is do they know. Levy broke the silence, "Come on guys knock it off, I just want to forget my night already." Lucy opened the front door, and Levy followed.

Levy every time she walked into Lucy's home reminded her of everything she is not. Lucy's home was perfect, in every way, size, space, decor. Greeted by a black leather sofa and white rug, with dark brown damn near black real hardwood floor everywhere in the house. A set of stairs leading to a three bedrooms, and if continuing into the house, is greeted with a kitchen, living room, and dining room. Down the hall leads to the garage, bathroom, and another bedroom. Behind the dining room was a sliding backdoor leading to the pool and jacuzzi and a gorgeous yard.

The group made their way to the backyard where Lucy had set the patio table to have some covered fruit, and some chips and dip. And some delicious steak freshly grilled. Nastu stays behind to get some plates from the kitchen to bring them behind the girls. He was not going to wait any longer.

Lucy stole one piece of fruit from the table and stripped down from her oversized shirt, probably Natsus and some Nike shorts. "Levy, your bathing suit is in the guest room dresser," she yelled behind her as she made her way into the hot tub. Gray had already started laps in the non heated pool which was probably freezing cold. She had no idea how he did it.

Quick on her heels she entered the kitchen placing her bag on the island of the kitchen, and opening the large fridge placing her pasta on the top shelf where Natsu would see fairly easily if he needed a midnight snack. He'd appreciate it more than her.

Then walking down the hall to the guest bedroom, she opened the door and turned the light on. The bed was well made. The walls were an almost orange tan with white sheets and a white chair next to the bed. The dresser was a similar color as the floor. She found her bathing suit in the drawer that had become hers in the dresser. Along with miscellaneous clothes she had left behind. Quickly closing the door she stripped out of her work clothes and changed into her oak green one piece bathing suit. It hugged her figure, with an exposed back. She approached the restroom and found a clean black towel in the restroom, and took one good look at herself.

She felt horrible, she felt she looked horrible. Her blue hair poked out of her ponytail. She had neglected cutting it how she liked it, and it was frizzy due to the high humidity and hot summer that was present. Skin naturally red because of the long walk. The pores in her skin made her look so oily. She felt bloated because of all the pasta and eating out she does, and the dark circles underneath her eyes. She just hasn't been getting much sleep recently. The summer to her birthday in September was always just a rough part of the year. He always haunted her thoughts.

Walking out of the hall, Levy starts repeating the things she uses to keep sane. "The past isn't something I can change, and the future is unknown. I have to stay present and live in the moment." Levy opened the back door and closed it, as she approached the hot tub. Discarding her towel she slowly got into the hot tub. "Thanks for having me over Lucy. I appreciate it," She gives a small smile as she glances at the relaxing Lucy. Her hair was pulled up in a pony to prevent from getting wet. And her bikini barely covers anything. She's so confident Levy felt a blush come on her cheeks as she noticed she had been staring at Lucy.

Without opening her eyes, Lucy waves a hand at her, "any time we needed a girl spa day any ways." finally adjusting to the hottub she made her way to her friends side. Lucy pulled on Levy's hip with a single arm and pulled her in for a hug. A very intimate hug, and it was strange underneath the water. Clammy and sticky, and too hot for comfort. Also her friend's breasts on her arm, but it's Lucy and she meant no harm. So Levy relaxed in her arms. Placing her head on Lucys she closed her eyes.

Lucy pulled away, relieved Levy finally got comfortable in the tub. "What do you want to do for your birthday this year Levy?" she asked, as soft as her brown eyes.

Levy ran a hand over her ponytail, "I don't want to do anything . I hate my birthday and I'd rather just spend the day here." She tries not to have intrusive thoughts about Gajeel. And instead thinks of the day she met Lucy. Right after her twenty-first birthday.

It was after Gajeel had been arrested, just like Gray had asked for her to make the painful walk to the bar. It was painful, because she wanted to shut down. She felt humiliated. She opened the door to the bar, and approached Gray, for the third day in a row. Gray gave a small smile, happy and relieved to see her. He grabbed a glass and poured the nicest bottle of wine she's ever had. The bar didn't even carry such a nice brand, he must have gone out and bought it specifically for her. The bar was empty, as it usually was at this time. But The door creaked open, and Gray took a glance. "Levy, I have some people I want you to meet." Levy lifted her head from the bar, to look at him. Pleading with him, begging him why he would force her to meet new people at this time. He pat her head, for another time in the past twenty four hours. He walked around the bar, and stood in between the new people and her.

Gray had put a hand on the shoulder of a pink haired man. Relatively the same size as him, but instead of the dark blue that Gray wore. It was a bright pink. "This is my brother Natsu, and his girlfriend-" he was quickly elbowed in the ribs from Natsu; they both shared a smile, "I mean best friend Lucy. She's so great, and I think you'll like her because she also likes books and she writes."

Levy gave a small half hearted smile, Gray had obviously put effort into inviting them. But of all the times this was not the best moment for her to be meeting new people. She looked at the Blonde. She had such a nice smile, as Natsu turned to grab Grays collar on his dress shirt. "What are trying to say Ice Brains?" growling, clearly territorial of his girl/not girl friend. Lucy walked by the boys just barely missing a stray punch acting as if they weren't even arguing.

"Can I sit here?" She pointed at the barstool next to her. Her beauty was overwhelming, her blonde hair was what every girl wanted in life. She was soft, and kind the exact opposite of the pair arguing behind her. Levy nodded, before saying "My names Lucy, Its great meeting you Gray has told us wonderful things about you!"

She blushed a little, unsure if it's because Gray was speaking about her, or if it was the attention and kindness she was getting from such a gorgeous woman.

Sense then, Lucy and Levy have been best friends. Natsu and Gray haven't changed. They are some of Levy's only friends. She met a handful more of their friends which she feels she could call her own friend as well.

For Levy's twenty second birthday, the group had gone on a cruise for four days and three nights. Natsu was very miserable and sea sick but this is where Gray found wanting to know more about the ecosystems under the water.

For her twenty third birthday she spent alone, as Gray and Natsu's childhood friend had been found alive after missing for years. They flew across the country and spent time with her in the hospital as a family. Which Levy was not selfish and spent the day working as if it was any other day. Her name is Lisanna and she now works at the Strauss bar.

On her twenty-fourth birthday she went to the bar with her friend group. They had shut down the bar for the night and had a party just for her. Where she met Lisanna, and she saw the trio siblings together. She had seen and spoken to Mira Jane and Elf Man, but she had never seen the family together. She had also met Cana and Ezra, good friends of Grays, and the Strauss family. And a short pervy old man, who everyone called gramps. It wasn't her family but she felt at home. She felt appreciated and loved.

"There's no way we're celebrating your birthday," shifting positions so Lucy's face was abnormally close to her own. She has grown to be so much like Natsu.

Levy looked down, tears coming up, she was so weak crying all the time. "Lucy it hurts." She barely got the sentence out. Her cheeks wet, "some of the best moments in my life were with you on my birthday." She paused, "But it's so hard." At this point the petite blue hair woman sobbed. Lucy grabbed her hand, and Natsu appeared climbing into the water. Patting her on the head and making his way to the other side of Lucy. "I just don't understand, I don't know why I can't move on. I don't know why I am stuck in the past!" She exclaimed as Natsu rubbed Lucys back with his hand.

Lucy gave a frown at the now very upset Levy. She never knew what to do. It had been so many years. She regretted reporting on the story. One of the reasons she quit her job was because she saw what the news could do to people. Not only was it highly political which she hated, she never wanted to hurt anyone. Let alone someone so close to her. Even though at the time she was only Gray's friend, she still saw Levy as her own friend.

Levy continued, It was just hard to watch, "I dont get why he even came back, why he even said sorry. Why did he lie." She sounded like a broken record. It had been like this. She had never gone on any dates although people had approached her. She claimed she was okay but she obviously wasn't. It's why she struggled making new friends, she probably had an alcohol issue. She never felt it was fair. Jet and Droy, her middle school friends, died in a car accident in her eighth grade year, and she struggled fitting in until she met Gajeel. In high school Gajeel was her only support, the only person she truely confided in about Jet and Droy. When he suddenly disappeared it was like he died. But then he reappeared as if she had gotten her lossed loved one. The real damage happened when he had reappeared. She had managed to get through college and a couple internships without him. Without closure. It was only when he came back the damage had become unrepairable.

"Let's go somewhere hot and sunny," Lucy now leaning back into Natsu's criss-cross legs. Him rubbing her shoulders, Lucy still holding her hand. He grins past Lucy shoulder and towards the sobbing girl. She never understood how he could be so happy, or so unaware of the mood.

"Let's go somewhere cold, where it snows." Gray now sitting outside the hottub, towel over his head drying his hair.

"It's September, where do you think that would be?" Natsu challenged Gray, roaring with laughter.

The boys shot glares at one another, as Lucy opened her eyes sitting up. "Where do you want to go, Levy?"

"I don't want to go anywhere." she mumbled back.

"But Levy, we're young, and I want to see you smile, a real smile." She was hard to say no to.