Chapter 6

Gorou didn't remember when his dream ended, or when he woke up. He only realized it was time to wake up when the sun shone directly in his eye through a gap in the curtains. He couldn't find the strength to get ready. He pulled the blankets further up, then pulling his legs up until he was just a tiny ball under it, his tail tightly wrapped around his waist. He needed to go out and face another day - but he couldn't. Last night broke something in him, and he no longer had the strength or the conviction to do anything. He burrowed his face into his pillow, feeling another wave of tears coming. He wanted to be free of the pain.

"Gorou? Are you okay?" He felt a soft voice calling out to him, like an angel's tinkling voice. His ears perked up and he peeked out from under the blankets. He almost jumped out of his bed in shock.

"S-S-S-S-S-S...! Sangonomiya-sama?!" Gorou fell out of his bed with a loud thump and he scurried to get back up on it. "W-W-W-What are you doing here?! How did you come here?! Wh-..."

Kokomi, although she looked concerned for Gorou, couldn't help but let a small giggle out, seeing Gorou so flustered and flabbergasted.

"I came here to check up on you. You're very important to me Gorou, and I need to know what's wrong."

"Th-There's nothing wrong! Nothing that you should busy yourself with, I'm sure you have many more important things to take care of! You really shouldn't have come!" Gorou yelped as he backed into a corner - he wasn't really sure why, but he did anyways.

Kokomi sighed and moved closer. "I have received worried reports from our soldiers - they really are concerned about your well-being, and I am, too. They said you haven't really been yourself these past few days. Do you maybe need a break? It's perfectly normal and healthy to be exhausted after a while."

Gorou felt embarrassed and guilty. He never intended to rope others into his problems, let alone Sangonomiya-sama...! He kicked himself mentally for letting it affect the people around him.

"I'm... sorry... I didn't want to cause anybody trouble! I'm totally fine, I'll..." Gorou wanted to reassure Kokomi that things will get back to normal eventually, but he realized, he himself didn't believe it. The word died in his throat and he stared in front of himself, frozen. Wait, was this really never going to solve itself? Is the situation really that hopeless? Will he never be able to have a normal relationship with his soldiers again?

Kokomi let out another sigh and stepped next to Gorou. Although their relationship was professional, Kokomi cared deeply for Gorou, and couldn't help wanting to reassure him physically. She moved a gentle hand to pat Gorou on the top of his head, and Gorou didn't flinch away. Something felt right about this - he trusted her, and he knew he wouldn't hurt her. It felt nice to be touched in a way that he enjoyed. His tail started wagging without him realizing it, and although he didn't lean into the touch, he didn't move away either.

"I really want to help you. I think it's best if you take a few days off. I'll make the arrangements to allow you to feel free to relax and let go of your worries."

Although Kokomi meant this in the best way possible, Gorou couldn't help snapping at the offer.

"Wait, you're removing me from my position? For days?! Please, believe me, I'm still fit for this role!" Gorou didn't actually believe it, but he was too afraid of losing his job, his responsibility, his raison d'être. "What will I do without my position? What will my soldiers do without me?!"

Kokomi had a sorrowful expression as she shook her head. "I know how important this position is for you, and I promise you, I'm not taking it away for good. But your soldiers are worried too, and this is for the best. Do you not trust my advice?"

Gorou gulped, feeling guilty. That's right, this was Sangonomiya Kokomi. He follows her advice to the very end. He closed his eyes.

"You're right, I'm sorry for doubting you. I'll..." He gritted his teeth, pushing the words out. "I'll... take some time off to cool my head... thank you..."

They had a bit of superficial small chat before Kokomi took her leave. Gorou was not present in the conversation, he was too dumbfounded and confused. What was he going to do now? What did this mean? Is this really ruining his future, everything he had worked towards his whole life?

Dizzy, he walked out of the barracks, hearing distant shouts from the other end of the camp. His soldiers were already preparing for physical training. He felt so far away from them, so lonely, yet not an inch of his body wanted to be close to those who broke his trust (in his dream). Gorou felt more and more sick as his mind filled with conflicting and upsetting thoughts.

Kokomi was right. He needed some time off. Gorou decided to put together some rations for himself and set off to spend some time alone in a nearby forest.