Disclaimer: First Chapter
Story Start!

It was only the 10% you ever had to worry about.

90% of the time, Naruto was a very understanding person that would listen to you, and would reason with you. It was the 10% of the time that you had to worry about, and unless you were Aqua who knew how to push every single button he had, it took something very annoying or painful to set him off into the 10% territory.

Though, that 10% of the time did have a reputation that was spreading pretty far.

"Did that child just run away from me in terror?" Naruto asked a reasonable question as he pointed to a group of children that were on the run, the second he stepped out of the guild building with Megumin. Aqua and Kazuma left the building after them, since they had just gotten a reward from a frog slaying quest once more. It would appear that Kazuma... was unfortunately extremely weak in all aspects of his life, except for his luck and intelligence. So they were limited to doing quests that didn't run the risk of him dying.

Basically, if there was a chance that Naruto couldn't protect Kazuma, then they couldn't do the quest.

Since Naruto had to protect Megumin, that would mean dividing his protection between the two people, which just made his own usability in battle less than half of what it could be, and he couldn't go into a rage and protect them at the same time either. So unless Kazuma leveled up, they were stuck with pretty low ranking quests overall.

"Naruto Uzumaki! I am the Crusader, Darkness, and I challenge you to a duel!"

"He's Naruto." Kazuma pointed to Naruto when he laid eyes on the big breasted woman that stood before them. He didn't hesitate for a moment to shove Naruto under the bus as it were, and Naruto just looked at the woman.

"... What the hell kind of Primary Color bullshit is... oh hell... Red, Blue, Yellow... Green... and Orange." Naruto pointed to himself, after he looked at everyone of the freaks they had in their party. He could see the desire to join them in this woman's eyes, and after that, all they needed would be a purple clad woman and they would cover the primary and secondary color wheels nicely.

Darkness just sent Naruto a look filled with passion and lust, which was hidden underneath a look of duty and honor.

"He's Naruto."

"You already said that... but that is correct, he is Naruto... punish him for everything he does to me." Aqua stated as she pointed right at Naruto as well. Naruto stared at her for a second, and Aqua's hands went to her bottom the second she recognized that look to his eyes. Naruto just walked right by the woman who challenged him, ignoring her.

Darkness had her jaw drop.

"But... I challenged you, you can't just walk away."

"Sure I can, I'm walking away right now." Naruto did the common sense thing and walked away from a situation that could only go bad. "What the shit!?" Naruto shouted when Darkness jumped on him and stopped him from moving.

"You need to fight me to protect your honor!"

"Honestly, if you want to fight him, just slap him in the face with a dildo or something. I did that yesterday when I thought he was asleep." Aqua spoke, before she covered her mouth and stared at Naruto with worry.

"I already kicked your ass for that."

"Oh thank goodness..." Aqua wiped the sweat from her forehead, the cold sweat of fear.

"Please fight me, and punch me with all of the perverted barbarian rage! Come on, go into a rage and violate me with your fists and perversions!" Darkness lost it when she saw that Naruto didn't seem to be budging on the issue of fighting her. Kazuma instantly stepped further away from Darkness, while Megumin and Aqua seemed somewhat neutral to the perverted words that she had displayed.

Naruto grabbed Darkness by the head and pushed her off of him.

"... Okay-"

"-YE-"

"If you strip naked and do 10,000 jumping jacks in the middle of town." Naruto deadpanned at her, finishing what he was going to say. Darkness' jaw dropped, and she recoiled away from Naruto.

"Grrrrr... you may sully my body with your cruel words, and the task you set forth might be impossible, but my knightly heart will never waver or be corrupted. I shall accept your challenge!" Darkness ran towards the middle of town, stripping out of her clothes as she ran. Naruto picked up her armor plate, and started to pick her clothes up off of the ground. Soon enough her naked ass was visible to them as she ran.

Mother's covered their children's eyes.

Wife's covered their husband's eyes.

Kazuma sent Naruto a thumbs up.

"Well... I've got something to do!" Kazuma ran towards the center of town as well, what he planned on doing very obvious.

"Pervert." The two girls stated in unison.

They directed it at Naruto.

"I didn't know she would actually do it. I just wanted her to leave me alone... but if she's going to actually do this, we might have to accept her into the body. She can make a good meat shield for you squishy people." Naruto considered her worth. It was clear that as a crusader, she had good defensive stats, so she could make a shield for Megumin and Kazuma. That meant they could start taking higher difficulty quests soon enough.

"... and because you're a pervert."

"I deny that... but I might become a pervert if I keep getting surrounded by hot girls like this." Naruto could see himself becoming a pervert at this rate. Megumin covered her chest with her hands at the admission, and Naruto just stared at her with a dumn look. "... Megumin... your chest is not that arousing, if you want to cover anything, cover your ass, your skirt barely covers it." Naruto deadpanned to her.

"I have to show off my legs though!"

"Then don't complain when people stare at them... and why are you covering yourself Aqua? The ONLY part of you I find acceptable at all is your hot body, if anything, the fact you're insanely good looking is your only positive trait." Naruto poked her in the forehead several times.

"That's mean!" Aqua shouted her complaints.

"Then offer something besides that! At this rate, you offer nothing to the party but eye candy! Start contributing to the team, or use your body to contribute in a different way!" Naruto shouted back at Aqua as he jammed his finger against her skull. She was pushed into leaning backwards.

"That's even more mean!"

"What is mean is the fact that I have to split money with you, and you barely work! Megumin helps stop my rage, and Kazuma is smart enough to come up with plans, but your only abilities don't help us in most situations, and your dumbassery hurts us!"

"You two fight like a old married couple." Megumin stated.

"We do not!" The two shouted at Megumin.

"Anyway, knowing my luck, whoever represents the color purple is going to join our party, and they will be just as problematic as everyone else is... and I'm including myself in that list of problems." Naruto palmed his head at the lunacy of it all.

Megumin - Explosion Fetish
Aqua - Idiot Goddess
Kazuma - Weakling Pervert
Himself - Unlucky Rage Boner

If they added Darkness and her clear masochistic rape fantasies and perverted nature to that list, the only thing left would be to find somebody nearly as unlucky as he was, or to find a person who was constantly being put into horrible positions.

Hopefully, he wasn't digging a grave with that one.

Chapter End!
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