Final Departure
Chapter 2: Brushing it off
"Chopper, let's fish!" a cheerful voice rang throughout the ship.
Immediately, the little reindeer tensed, his body acting on reflex on what he knew was going to follow. He winced when he felt fingers tangle up in his fur and the animal was abruptly being pulled in to soon bump into his captain, who was already sitting on the rail. He plopped down by Luffy's side.
"We're out of food again! And I thought things would get better with the aquarium!"
Chopper looked up at the grinning boy who shoved a fishing rod at his hooves enthusiastically. Quietly, he gave Luffy a nod and a small smile before directing his gaze at the sea. He just couldn't bear seeing Luffy like that, but of course there was no way he could tell him that.
How could he tell him that every time Luffy joked around, he had to force himself to laugh feignedly while his heart was truly aching, missing Usopp's infectious laugh that would always spark a cheerful mood so naturally. Or that he flinched every time Luffy began to speak, breaking a silence that Chopper had never even known before; Always had there been an endless string of incredible stories just streaming from the sharpshooters mouth, keeping the amazed reindeer's attention. And how he had to fight his animalistic instincts, keeping him alarmed against his will over the absurd possibility that his captain could be a potential threat... No, he could not tell him any of that...
...and so they fished.
o-o-o
Nami stepped out of the galley door, lazily looking over at the two figures sitting on the rail.
Fishing again, huh?
Truthfully, it pained her every time she saw the two like that. She remembered the first time Luffy had made Chopper do this; The anxiety had been written all over the poor little reindeer. She had seen all of it: The cautious scoots away, the tears gathering in the corners of Chopper's eyes, the little hiccups when he tried biting back those tears. Soon enough the pained little animal had crumbled, leaving Luffy behind. Motionless. Silent.
And yet there had been a next time very soon... and just like so often nowadays, Luffy had behaved like nothing had happened. Nami looked over at Chopper. Every other day the little guy had to put up with this fishing routine now; And ever since that first time he'd always sit through it bravely. His smile almost doesn't look fake anymore, Nami thought, an openly sad smile tugging at her own lips for a moment.
At times, she wondered why it had to be fishing of all things. It was one of those things they had always done the three of them. And yet Luffy was always trying so hard to pretend that this was normality - although sometimes she came to doubt that he was just pretending. Sometimes it seemed to her that he actually believed his own act. Sometimes she caught herself believing it, too... And every time Nami was met with that impression, it was accompanied by a memory that had brought her heartache during the past few weeks.
That day when Luffy had been sitting on the aft deck, staring out at Water7, and she had been trying so hard to muffle her own sobs. Every torturous minute that the crew had been waiting for him to show any reaction, to maybe decide that they'd have to go back. Soon the island's silhouette had vanished at last, along with her tears escaping against her will. And finally Luffy had reacted...
She remembered him pushing himself up, casually brushing some dust off his jeans. He would place one hand on his hat and turn around, not directing his eyes to any of them.
"Yosh!"
That's what he said when he walked past them, making his way to Sunny's figurehead; Soon declaring that spot, directed to what lay ahead of them, his special place once again.
The memory caused Nami to feel sorrow every time. 'Yosh'. It was something said when commencing an action. Or when ending one... She had never really figured out which one Luffy had intended to express. All that she knew was that, right there and then, their captain had flipped a switch.
Nami shook her head. She didn't want to think of this again. She had come out here to take her mind off of things after all, well knowing that when she sprawled herself on her sun lounger everyone would just leave her be... and for once there wouldn't be people trying to foster mindless conversations about things so casual and unimportant, it practically screamed of what they were not talking about.
"We'll catch a Sea King today, I can feel it!"
- Conversations just like that one.
Luffy's declaration was soon followed by a hearty laugh. Nami used to enjoy that laugh so much... now she just found it obnoxious. Hurriedly, the young woman made to stride away, her messy feelings taking away notably from her attention. She didn't even have a chance to react when, suddenly, she lost her footing, making her hit the floor painfully face-first.
"Shit!" Nami wailed as she scrambled to her hands and knees, her eyes stinging with unfallen tears. It wasn't so much the pain, yet frustration now truly got a hold of her, just as forcefully and unexpected as the impact itself. Shakily, she lifted one hand to wipe her eyes, but abruptly stopped when she beheld that it was pitch black! Nami straightened up now while still on her knees, incredulously looking down her body that was covered in thick, black mud... Then the realisation hit her; And finally those tears fully escaped the overwhelmed girl, running messy, skin coloured paths through the black dirt covering her cheeks.
All those past weeks there still had been all that gun powder, coating the charred main mast and planks.
- And last night it had rained...
"Nami, are you alright?" Chopper hurried to the girl's side. She clenched her stained fists, allowing frustration to morph into anger now.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit!" the girl cried out, making the baby reindeer jump as she began punching the slick, coal ground. She paused, then Nami pushed herself to her feet, wordlessly shoving the intimidated animal aside as she marched off.
Chopper slumped down, then cringed when Nami slammed the galley door behind her. For a moment he looked after her sadly, and for the first time, since all of this had started, he actually longed to be sitting by Luffy's side fishing, pretending that everything was normal and indulging in his captain's cheerful attitude. The animal turned around, confirming that, luckily, Luffy hadn't moved from his spot. Quickly, Chopper picked up himself as well as his fishing rod before hopping back onto the rail and putting on his happiest, almost untainted smile.
"Catching a Sea King sure would be great!" the little pirate hurriedly tried to rejoice... then quickly quieted down when he looked up at his captain, who had fallen umcomfortingly silent. His features remained concealed underneath his hat as he hardly even acknowledge the littler one's presence.
o-o-o
Nami let the bucket drop onto the deck, soapy water splashing up over the rim and onto the charred ground. Her fists clutched the brush tightly as she got to her knees and began scrubbing the smudgy planks with all the passion of an openly irrational, personal vendetta. She simply found it incomprehensible how, after all this time, there could still be that much fucking gun powder left! It was surreal! It was stuck to their ship like a virus... reminding her of some kind of twisted, sable memorial, looming from the very core of what was supposed to be their space. And Nami was done remembering, she was done hurting, she was just done!
Minutes of agonizingly frustrating scrubbing seemed to do nothing but smear the foul dirt around, having it infest everything in reach with that sickening black. Her hands, the brush, the foam on the deck and the water in the bucket. With the back of her hand Nami brushed away some hair, smearing the substance over her already stained face before she got up to splash the remaining water over the wooden planks, hoping to wash as much of the dark filth overboard as possible.
o-o-o
She stared at the mucky stream running down the planks as she emptied the bucket for the sixth time. Nami felt her back ache and her hands sting, already blistered and sore and more and more there was the impression creeping on her that there wouldn't be enough water on the ship nor flesh on her hands to ever eliminate this nauseating blackness.
With a loud clatter the young woman threw the empty bucket to the ground, then finally reached down to the belt that kept her Climate Tact attached to her left thigh. Maybe there wasn't much she could do about her hands... but she was prepared to go down to the bone if necessary, because at any rate she was not going to run out of water!
Nami slid the three metal pipes out of their belt, spinning them in her hands as a dark cloud began to form over her head. Soon, single droplets began hitting the deck as well as her skin sporadically, before growing into a full stream of rain pouring down, rinsing whatever black would come off of the girl and the ship without applying soap and a brush.
When the cloud was fully grown, Nami stopped the movement of her hands to look down on the utensil she was holding, rain soaking the mikan-coloured hair and running down her form as she was quickly losing herself in thought. The past weeks ran through her mind... all those encounters with enemies that constantly seemed to be getting stronger the closer they got to what they called the 'New World'. Her hand clasped around the Climate Tact tightly as she thought of her talk with Usopp just before Alabasta. Back then, when she had first noticed her strength failing her, he had been the only one she had been able to turn to, being the only other person who understood what it meant travelling as a normal human among those 'monsters'. That's why he had made the Climate Tact for her. And truly, it was what had enabled her to keep up with the crew for so long at all. Still, lately she had struggled. And it was becoming more and more evident now that soon her only real weapon wouldn't hold up anymore against what Luffy and the rest were actually excited to fight.
Nami felt her hands starting to shake with anxiety. She had already lost the only person that could truly relate to her... and she felt she was about to lose her only defense along with him, making it possible that she was soon going to be the hindrance that Usopp had thought he was when he first left.
The water kept pouring down, rinsing the deck steadily as Nami resumed scrubbing the floor, her hands trembling as tears secretly mingled with rain drops. She was shaken a bit when, suddenly, she heard the slam of a door. There was no need for the girl to look up to know what sight she'd be met with: Chopper on the rail, seizing the fishing rod firmly as he was torn between staying strong and breaking – and Luffy gone.