Chapter Three - 72 hours
The alarm rang a little after 5 o'clock in the morning, making an exhausted Harvey Specter wake up and get off the bed to be prepared for the later trip.
Last night after he left the office, when he arrived home he prepared his luggage for the trip, nothing big, just one change of clothes and documents, all he would need during his stay in Boston.
He took a shower and managed his way to the kitchen to eat something before he had to leave.
As soon as he started to prepare his cup of coffee, the redhead, who taught him the best way his coffee could be (black, two sugars and a splash of vanilla) came to his mind. How was she? How would they be after all that? He didn't know.
Thinking back to all of his relationships that would suffer the consequences of his absence, it was this one in particular that worried him the most. Donna and Harvey have been together since the first moment they met at the bar. She had her own goal when she started the conversation with him but both of them felt that that day would change their entire life, and this was what happened.
To Harvey it was unimaginable to spend one day without talking to Donna. The idea of not seeing her was unacceptable since the dawn of their relationship and once he decided to come back to work with Jessica, one of the conditions for him to return to the firm was that he could have his own secretary; he wouldn't come back without her. And she was not just his secretary, for a matter of fact. She was beyond that.
She was someone special, not even because she was an outstanding secretary and his workday always got much easier with her doing exactly what he needed - even when he didn't see it at first. She was the someone who always had his back, that always pushed him when he needed and always embraced his emotions when he needed the most. She was his compass, the someone he couldn't picture himself without.
Since when they started working together at the DA's office to when they moved to soon-to-be Pearson Litt they saw each other from Monday to Friday, working together for hours straight and sometimes they even spent time after the work hour, drinking scotch in the office or going out to dinner.
And during the weekends they would spend their time texting each other, sending pictures of what they had had done or those viral videos of dogs and children. Goddamn it, he was going to miss her laugh at the videos - they sometimes shared those videos at work time too.
He was going to miss each detail of what would include her. He was going to miss the fights, God knows how stately and sexy she could be when she was angry and speaking to him firmly, he unconsciously noticed it even when they were in the stupor of the fight.
He was going to miss the night when they pulled an all-nighter to dig something into a case. He would dare to say he was going to miss going to her closing night in her off-off-Broadways plays. He always loved to see her on the stage and how her eyes used to shine when he came to see her with a bouquet of roses. Sometimes they would go out to dinner and she would be all chattery about the play and the backstage gossip, especially after a couple of glasses of wine.
He took a deep breath, lost in the memories he had built for the past 12 years with her and how he could not build new ones like those once he would be in jail for the next 6 years. Probably she'd find a new boss in another company or just go back to work for Louis, he knew no matter who that person would be, it would be the luckiest person to have her.
The knowledge that Donna would be 6 whole years living her life without him, making memories with other people, that she would grow so much and he wouldn't be there to witness her growth made his heart felt like it was tightening and he almost could not breathe.
He went to the sink and washed his face, trying to feel at least a little bit better. Breathing normally again, he took a seat on the counter and drank the hot and black liquid, flavoring it. That would be the last time he drank his coffee that way.
Checking the time, he did the dishes and right on time he was ready to go. He took the backpage, the airplane tickets and headed his way to take a cab to JFK airport. Already in the car, he managed to deal with some bureaucracies he needed to discuss with louis. Once he would be absent for that long his net wouldn't be stocked, he needed someone to deal with his money, to be his legal guardian, and Louis was the person he chose.
It didn't take him much long to arrive at the airport. Being this a regular errand he took his way to the gate indicated on the tickets and everything went smoothly.
The sky in the route between New York and Boston was clear and the flight proceeded with any turbulence or delays. As soon as he landed in Boston, he took a taxi towards his brother's house.
In front of the familiar but not so frequented house, he walked to the front door and rang the bell. He could hear some steps inside the house until the door was open, seeing his sister-in-law.
"Harvey," The surprise on her face made it evident that she wasn't expecting to see him and it seemed that she wasn't so happy about it.
"Kate, I am sorry-" He started to say but he couldn't finish.
"It has been less than 24 hours and he already ran to ask his big brother for help?" she threw at him, mad.
"What?" He stared at her, frowning, not understanding what she was talking about.
"Seriously? Tell me that you aren't here because Marcus called you to help him with the divorce?" She pointed out in a hostile way. Seeing Harve's face, she realized that he truly didn't know what was happening. "You didn't know. Well, I think you can notice now that Marcus and I are getting divorced. He is not here. As far as I know he is sleeping in his office in his restaurant. Maybe you can find him there. Now, if you excuse me, I need to take care of the kids" she finished, more gently this time.
Harvey was in disbelief, still staring at the door in front of his face. Of all the thousands of ways he imagined saying goodbye to his brother, none of them included being in the middle of a fight and a divorce. Let alone to deal with this in his 72 remaining hours in freedom.
Doing what Kate instructed, he made his way to Marcus' restaurant hoping he was really there. When he arrived at the restaurant he found Marcus at the back of the building throwing away the trash.
"Harvey, I wasn't-" Marcus froze. He was caught by surprise with Harvey there.
"Expecting to see me here?" He completed his brother's sentence. "Didn't you expect me to find out about your divorce?" He questioned in a judgmental tone. Harvey crossed his arms and both brothers stayed there, staring at each other.
After almost yelling at Harvey, she left him in the courthouse without even giving him the chance to explain and tell the details of the deal he'd made. She was furious, hurt and lost.
How would her life be without Harvey around? She couldn't even imagine it. Even in the past, in situations where she had to choose between being in a relationship or Harvey, a researcher or helping Harvey, Harvey had always been the winner. She had put her bost first over almost everything in her life.
She wandered aimlessly through New York city's streets for almost 30 minutes and then she sat down on a bench at Central Park. She was no longer crying but she was still feeling shocked and if possible feeling pain all over her body.
At the bench she just stayed staring at people going back and forth, pacing her emotion, trying to stay calm and organizing her thoughts.
When she was feeling calmer she decided to act. She couldn't sit still, whining. She was Donna and Donna wasn't unresponsive however emotional and personal the situation was.
She had an idea, maybe an absurd one, but yet an idea and she followed it. She took her phone and saw a bunch of messages from Rachel popping up on the display.
« Donna, are you okay? Do you wanna talk? »
« Donna, we all left the courthouse and we are going to the firm. Be there in 2 hours. »
« I'm worried about you »
« I am so sorry, Donna. If it was Mike I would not be much different. »
« Please let me know if you're okay. We are worried. »
« I am at your door. Please answer me! »
« I am gonna wait for you. »
« Hey, answer me! »
« Okay, You're not home. I get it. »
« I have to go back to the office to… you know. Meet us there. Show up, please. »
« Talk to me, I am really worried here. »
« Take care of yourself and call me anytime. »
Donna didn't text Rachel back. She hadn't the time or the guts to talk to anyone about it, not now. She needed to be sure about something before she could properly react.
She went through her contact list and tried to reach the one she wanted: Vanessa. After three tones, the other woman finally answered in a cheerful way: "Donna!"
Before she could answer, she took a deep breath and proceeded. "Vanessa I need to ask you a favor and I need it for today" her serious tone was not unnoticed to the woman in the other line and they were straight to the point
"That's easy, Give me an hour. I'll call you when I'm done and send you an email. As usual, right?" They ended the call. Donna could feel the adrenaline rushing through her veins, waiting would be a difficult thing to do.
She noticed she hadn't eaten anything in many hours and she was already feeling weak. Despite feeling sick to her stomach and knowing that she would barely eat anything, she needed to force herself to do so because she needed the energy to continue and her body could not betray her on what she wanted to do.
She got off of the bench and started to walk. Didn't take much longer to find a food stand. She ordered a pretzel and a mocha latte. After she took the food, she went to the next bench to take time to eat.
As she assumed, she barely touched the food, every bite was a fight to swallow to her stomach. She was starving and glutted, but the pretzel was almost intact.
Her struggle with the food was the focus of her attention for so long that she didn't realize that the time had passed, only noticing when she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. It had been 1 hour and 10 minutes since she called Vanessa.
"You're lucky I didn't notice the time. Otherwise I would be calling you like crazy for the last 10 minutes" Vanessa laughed and apologized for being late, gave Donna the details she would need and sent what she could find by email. They ended the call and Donna opened her email box taking notes from the address that she asked for.
She threw the pretzel and a quarter of the coffee in the garbage that was near to her. She ran to the Avenue and took a cab to, what she discovered when she arrived, it was a car repair shop. Before she got off of the taxi, Donna asked the driver if he could wait for her, obviously she'd pay for it. He accepted and she continued her way to the entrance of the place.
The secretary was wearing a burgundy dress, a black trench coat and one of her Jimmy Choo's shoes. It was not a surprise when she entered the place that everyone there was captured by her presence.
"Hi, I am looking for David Green," she politely asked a young guy who pointed to a middle-aged man that was under a car. She smiled and thanked the young guy and went to the car he pointed at.
"Good afternoon, are you David Green?" She asked, only to be polite, as she had already seen the man at the jury. The mechanic pushed the cart he was laying on, sat and looked at the beautiful woman before him.
"Did you limo need something?" He looked at her from head to toe and Donna almost rolled her eyes at him.
"I would like to talk with you about the case where you were part of the jury." She said, ignoring his question.
Despite the fact that she had worked with Harvey for 12 years and also as a legal secretary for the DAs office, Donna's knowledge of legal matters was somewhat limited. And as far as she was concerned, what she was doing was not illegal.
The trial was already over and the redhead was not there to get information that could change the jury's decision, manipulate the veredito or something like that.
Still, her heart was pounding in her chest as if she was doing something wrong. Her logical side screamed that even though the result of the trial was out she could get into trouble for what she was doing.
But none of it mattered to her. Donna needed to know the truth before deciding if she could forgive Harvey and more specifically if she could keep being mad at him. Yes, depending on the information David had, she would be really mad at him.
Next time they'd met she knew for sure that they'd had a huge discussion with both of them yelling and with micing words.
First because she wouldn't say goodbye and let him go to prison knowing that the last thing she said to him would be something different than comforting words. And that, no matter what, she was there for him and in the end everything was going to be okay. That he could handle it and when he finally got his freedom, his life still would be there and the place that once belonged to him was always there and he could come back to occupy the same place he had always been in his friends life.
Second, notwithstanding she had asked him to not turn himself in and believe that he and Mike were worth it, she knew that Harvey was truly the one to blame. Pragmatically thinking, considering the laws and everything, both of them were guilty. Donna was emotionally involved in the whole thing and despite the fact she knew they were committing a crime, she had been and she will always be by his side and his protégé.
But she was not there thinking and acting rationally. She was there engulfed by emotion. She was there feeling completely vulnerable, not knowing how to deal with her own feelings. She was confused, afraid.
Donna was known for being someone who can always control her feelings, who knows how to balance her emotional and rational side, still she hadn't been the best at it for the last few days. In the hearing where she was called to the stand, when she was asked if Mike went or not to Harvard, she couldn't deny or confirm the question and she claimed the fifth amendment.
She was afraid about what could happen with her or with Mike and even though Jessica had said to her that "they would never know if you are saying the truth or not" she did not act on what was the best for them. But now that the hearing had ended, she needed to know and she wouldn't leave without knowing what would be the jury's decision.
"Oh, I think I remember you from the courthouse. What do you want? I've heard that one of the attorneys made a deal and they let us go" It was notable that he was irritated.
"I need you to tell me what would be the verdict," she was direct to the point that matters. A
"No, you don't want just this. You came here for something else" the man had a flannel in his hands, he was playing with it trying to clean his hands.
"I am not even a lawyer. I just need to know." Donna was almost begging him to tell her the truth.
"And what difference would this make?" He threw the words at her.
"You wouldn't get it but to me it would mean the world." She said in a soft tone, staring at him, waiting for him to answer.
"So I am gonna say it because I was dying to talk with someone during the whole day. I don't know what is worse: get to know exactly what that child did or realize that the attorney didn't make her case. We were all angry but in the end he would be found not guilty. Is that enough for you?"
His words hit her, she could feel it physically, like a punch in her stomach, almost the same way she had felt hours earlier when she heard that Harvey had made the deal.
She couldn't fall apart in front of the mechanic so she just shook her head, thanked the guy and went back to the taxi that was waiting for her. She gave him the address and the driver took the way.
The route to apartment 206 was a completely blank memory to the secretary. The last thing she could remember was her getting inside the car and giving the driver her address, after that it was something blurred and she couldn't tell or describe anything that happened in between. She didn't know if they took hours, if they had taken bad traffic or something.
The only thing she knew was that she didn't pass, she was lucid the entire time but she was numb, rapt on herself. She was woken by an irritated man almost yelling at her, which she assumed that they had arrived for a while. Donna apologized, paid for the ride and gave the man a very good tip.
After leaving the car, she went straight to her apartment and once she was in she could fade into her pain. She cried in a very dramatic way, like some of those girls crying in the movies, falling in slow motion to the ground, she sat there, ruining her makeup.
For Harvey, the day was restless to start with the fact that he had made the trip to Boston and there he had to deal with his brother's divorce. He couldn't even in his worst nightmare imagine that he would spend his last day of freedom with his brother, helping him with a very sensitive topic. In the beginning, Marcus had said to Harvey the reason for the divorce was that he had cheated on Kate, which Harvey discovered later it was not the real reason that made Harvey furious.
The divorce was very recent and neither Marcus or Kate had officially started the legal case, which gave Harvey time to deal with the matter in the best and calm way possible. In the end, he made a deal and Marcus and Kate took shared custody of the children.
Soon he had assured that everything would be fair and less painful to the kids and to Marcus. The first thing Harvey wanted to do was call Donna and share everything with her, but he couldn't. By habit he took his cellphone thinking of her, but there was no text or missed call.
Before he left, he did tell Marcus about his situation: he would go to jail for 6 years. Marcus barely believed Harvey and questioned him if he had told Lily, in which Harvey answered "She hasn't been part of my life for the last years, with me being in jail she would not be part of my life for the next 6 years."
The Specter's brothers shared a hug, the younger one affirmed how much he felt for the other and promised him that he would go visit as soon as the things with the kids had settled. The lawyer made Marcus promise that if anything changed or happened he would call Pearson Litt and ask for help, anyone there wouldn't dare to say no for Harvey's brother. With all that said, Harvey took his stuff and went to the airport.
The next day would be even more painful. There was another person that he needed to talk to and make things right before his life froze for the next few years.
Donna stayed right there, sitting down on her apartment floor, crying for as long she couldn't quite define. One hour or two? She didn't know. All she knew was that it was time enough for her to start crying over and over again.
She cried and then when she thought it was enough, that she could finally calm down, get up to take a shower, a new wave of emotions flooded her and then she started a copious cry for a considerable time. The cycle had been so intense that she felt she was dehydrated from so many tears that had fallen and she had a headache. After so long in this cycle, without really knowing what motivated her, she finally managed to get up.
The handbag that was on the floor on her side was placed on her dresser. She took off her shoes and the overcoat she was wearing, remaining only with the burgundy sleeved dress. With the coat and shoes in hand, she went to her room, put away her shoes and removed her clothes to go into the bath and did so.
During the shower, a new wave of tears took over and she let the water take away some of the pain and anguish she was feeling. Her shower took infinitely longer than she used to take but she allowed herself to waste that much water at least for once, she needed it.
After the shower and wearing comfortable clothes she went to the kitchen and took a glass of water. She was thinking about making a sandwich and to help her in the process she opened a bottle of wine and poured herself with a glass.
She took the first gup of the drink and a knock on her door got her attention. She knew: it was not him, it was not his knock. She placed the glass on the counter and went to the door and when she opened the image of Rachel in a mix of anger and worry was in front of her. "Rachel," she couldn't help her surprise.
Seeing her friend there reminded her that Rachel had sent some texts and she didn't reply. She remembered she didn't take her cellphone since she went to the mechanic to see David Green. Donna realized by Rachel's expression that she could have tried to reach the redhead and she didn't remember if she saw something or not, once the memories between the mechanic and her apartament were a complete blur.
"I was like crazy waiting to know how you were feeling, Donna" Rachel was mad for sure but she soon regretted the way she said it. It was quite obvious Donna was not even close to being okay and now she was in front of her friend she could tell Donna had been crying. The always very lightened hazel eyes were dark, red and swollen.
"I am sorry, Rachel. Please, come in." The secretary gave space to the paralegal to enter the apartment.
Zane left her purse on the sideboard and followed the other woman to the kitchen. In silence, the redhead poured a glass of wine and gave it to her friend.
"I know that you're not okay," It was Rachel who started the topic of the conversation. "I was utterly worried about you. You didn't answer my call, didn't text me back even though I know you saw all of them," the brunete sipped the wine. "I came here early but you weren't here."
Paulsen assumed she actually checked her phone on the way back. "I am sorry, Rachel. I was just off and I needed to do something to comfort myself," she confessed. Donna pointed to the living room and they both made themself comfortable on the sofa.
"I was lost, confused, angry and afraid." Donna said and Rachel was all eyes on her. "I went to see the first jury to ask him what would be the verdict, to know if I could or could not forgive Harvey. And Mike would not plead guilty. All of this for nothing," she could feel a new wave of tears, but she coped.
The two women were sitting on the sofa, facing each other. A familiar scene that brought back some memories to Rachel. It was on that same couch Donna said she had already had sex with Harvey years ago. It was on that couch that Donna confessed to Rachel that she would try to have a relationship with Harvey and on that same day she was comforted by the secretary because something was not right in her relationship with Mike due to the issue with Logan. "So you're gonna forgive him?" Rachel asked.
"I could not know how to do it differently, Rach," Donna admitted almost in a whisper.
"Before yesterday, when Mike and I were talking about that and he told me that he was thinking of turning himself in, I almost went crazy." Rachel started to talk. "Mike promised me that he wouldn't do it. He would let the jury decide. Nevertheless I couldn't not imagine if he'd otherwise," She paused for a moment, still organizing her ideas and feeling a bit anguis, despite knowing that much of the danger had passed. "I don't know if I could forgive him. You're a better person than I am. I was wondering myself about him gone and all I could feel was my heart being taken away and him being the person who was ripping it with his bare hands" she declared.
Donna let Rachel talk about her feelings and she listened to everything with attention and patiently, she could relate to the last part when Zane said about Mike ripping her heart. "Rachel, this is different. You and Mike were not me and Harvey." she tried to justify.
"No Donna, it is not different and you know it," the other woman said firmly. "You and Harvey have played this flicked game for years now" Donna could notice some anger in Rachel's tone.
"Rachel, please-" Donna begged. "I told you once that I'd try something with Harvey but he wasn't ready. And still today he is not, nothing has changed. And I won't force anyone to do something they don't want to." Donna said, playing with the red liquid.
"I just don't want you to regret not telling him the way you feel. It is not fair"
"Might not be fair but it is how things are right now. And with this current situation, tell him is not gonna change a bit," she finished the glass. "Do you want more wine?" She asked her friend who nodded and she got up to serve a little more Pinot Noir for the two of them.
"However I am here to assure you are alive, there is something else I want to talk about with you," the apartment was not that big and Donna could still hear her, so she proceeded. "Except I don't think this is the best time." Rachel needed to introduce another subject, especially when she could tell Donna didn't want to dig into her feelings.
"I had already told you once and I'm gonna say it again: doesn't matter how my life is a mess, you always have a space and time with me to talk about something going on with your life." Donna had already poured the drink and was managing her way back to the sofa with both glasses in hand, handing one to the woman.
"Are you sure?" Rachel asked.
"Sure. What else do you have to tell me?" She settled back into the sofa, sitting down on her feet.
"Mike and I were talking," she paused. "I assume you know that you'd be my bridesmaid and Harvey his bestmain, right?"
"Okay, Now tell me something I really don't know, future Miss Zane-Ross." she teased.
"You do know me because I wouldn't take off my family name even if I get married." Rachel pointed out.
"We have to say that Rachel Elizabeth Zane is way better than Rachel Elizabeth Ross. So Rachel Elizabeth Zane-Ross is quite fair to balance. It's perfect!" Donna winked to the future-bride in front of her.
"That's exactly what I said to Mike." They both laughed. "Okay. We talked and considering all the things that just happened Mike wanted us to get married before Harvey is gone for a while" Rachel was walking on eggshell with her last words, she was seeking any change in her friend's face.
Of course Donna was happy for her but hearing the last part made her face look uncomfortable and in an attempt to control her emotions she took another sip of her drink. "That's so Mike," she finally said.
"Then we made something here and there and we decided that the day after tomorrow is gonna be our wedding." The young woman exclaimed excitedly but subdued.
"Oh, Rachel, I am so happy for you," Donna meant it. "Are you okay with the fact that you ain't gonna have your dream wedding?" The redhead was aware of how much the wedding ceremony was something important and that Rachel had dreamed and planned from very early on and given the time they had, she knew far less than half of what had been dreamed could be done due Mike's situation
"Yeah, I am fine," Rachel said with conviction.
"The truth is that all of this makes me realize that no matter how, if it is gonna be minimalist, big, luxurious or simple, all that matters is Mike and I. Our relationship and how we get through the hard times. I wanna marry him. Just the same if it wanna be printed in the New York Times or in a gazebo with paper rings. And considering how much Harvey means to Mike, to our lives, it wouldn't be fair to not get him on our big day. I know that without Harvey we'd postpone the day till he gets free or we'd get married and it wouldn't be the same for Mike," she gulped the liquid and proceeded. "Harvey is all the family has left to Michael." Rachel acquiesced.
The two women remained for a long time talking about weddings and stuff. They discussed some details, Donna gave some thought and after a whole bottle of wine, Rachel had to leave. But before she left, the future Zane-Ross asked Donna to talk to Harvey about the wedding and to help him find a good and beautiful suit.
Both Mike and Rachel tried to reach the lawyer all day long but they didn't succeed. Donna assured her that she would take care of everything and the two said their goodbyes.
Donna glanced at the clock that said 8 p.m and knew exactly what to do. She ran to her bedroom, grabbed the first pair of jeans she found in her wardrobe and her comfortable hiking shoes and sprinted out of her apartment.
Author's note: Last chapter I received a review saying "it had been a bit" and that reminded me I didn't tell you that due to adulthood and my not that good English -my brain needs to work hard to translate it- the updates had been planned to occur every fifteen days on Wednesday. I know this chapter was not posted on Wednesday, but I promised I will be more punctual. Sorry for not saying it earlier.
I hope you like it! The next chapters we will finally have a face-to-face Donna and Harvey after all that happened. Stay tuned!
For this chapter I would like to say thank you to Adri for helping me with some part of the translation. You're great!
To my beta in this chapter: Alana, I love you! Thank you for doing this. For sure this is a way better because of you. And I would like to say again: Welcome to the fandom! I love that you are a part of this.