Inside Sarah Walker

By Lord Rapier

Story Consultant and Editor

Phathead01

Chapter 10: They Say That Breaking up is Hard To Do

The three of them come back from El Compadre happy after the warm family reunion, and maybe a little buzzed from a few Margaritas.

Diane is especially happy, "wow I was named after a General, who worked for the president, I remember Grandma Diane, but I never knew, wow!"

Stephen is a little sullen, I just hope we learn more about Dad's dad soon, I'm not sure I'm as happy about my namesake as you are."

Diane tries to comfort him, "well at least they didn't name you after Grandpa Jack, I mean he's a criminal, and Uncle Morgan did say our grandfather was a hero, a great man."

Molly puts her arms around both of them, "guys I think you're missing the most important thing that went down today, your family loves you. Your cousins are excited that you will all be working together, and you didn't even have to remind them that you own half the company."

Stephen walks over to the player, "it's still early, let's watch Mom, we're going to have to put watching on hold soon. Let's see how much we can get through before the move."

The two ladies grab a seat as Sarah Bartowski's face appears, then Stephen gets into his chair as she starts to speak.

"Hi Kids, I hope I'm not boring you too much with my stories, Daddy was so excited that he got to help out with one, I may have to let him help me again, later, much later, much, much later, "she giggles.

He's at Carmichael Industries, he works so hard, he wants us to have the best of everything, I keep telling him we already do, and it's him. He finds it so hard to believe that he is the greatest thing in my life, and I know you feel the same way. He just has this need to keep proving himself, trust me that's nothing new, I'm fairly sure it had something to do with his childhood.

Now this next story started out kind of fun, for me anyway, I think I Freaked Daddy out a little. We were in the storage closet at Wienerlicious prepping for a double date we were going on with your Aunt Ellie and Uncle Devon, making sure we knew enough about each other to look real. The whole point of the date was to strengthen our cover story as a couple. Let me mention your Dad has some strange tastes, Milk Duds sprinkled on popcorn, really! I guess that's kind of unimportant, plus you've already seen that more than once. What's important is…, okay it was fun, I heard someone coming and I threw Daddy down on the floor and jumped on top of him.

When my boss, Scooter, opened the door he assumed that we were in there making out which is of course what I wanted, he chastised me for wasting company time fooling around. Here's the fun part, I didn't need to do that, I could have just taken Dad in my arms and kissed him, but it was so much fun, you should have seen Daddy's face." Sarah laughs, and laughs, "it was so much fun, I apologized to Dad, I told him I had to think fast, to protect our cover, but looking at his face I was pretty sure he didn't mind." Sarah laughs again shaking her head, "it was so much fun. You know if I'm honest with myself, I don't think I knew what fun was until I met Dad. I guess I was having fun doing scams with my father but looking back on it I'm not left with fun memories, I'm left with regret," Sarah sighs deeply.

"Daddy headed back over to work at the Buy More, little did I know trouble was brewing from a simple thing like someone needing a cell phone repair, which strangely enough was the ploy I used to meet Dad. It wasn't the kind of trouble I was used to, this was more personal, it made me feel things I didn't like, things that were uncomfortable for me, but I'll get to that.

Later that night we met with Your Aunt and Uncle and had dinner at Kyoto Sushi. Dad was so proud of himself when he ordered my food for me, to be honest I was proud of him too. This whole, family dating thing was just as new to me as cover dating was to dad. I had dated men all over the world, all part of the job, this was quite different for me, back then I was the only one faking it. I had dated many assets, but never in a family setting, I actually had to watch Ellie and Devon so I would know how to act. Dad was extremely uncomfortable, the whole faking it thing was not really his style. I think there is also the fact that he had real feelings for me and didn't know what to do with it. Here I am the pot calling the kettle black, confused hang on there's more to come."

Sarah's cellphone rings, she looks at the caller ID, "it's Daddy, Hi Hon… why shouldn't I make dinner…, you have a strange urge to eat Sushi…, okay that works for me…, the kids love sushi…, of course Molly too…, and my Mom…, You'll pick us up at six…, okay…, Baby I can't believe how connected we are…, it means I love you so much, see you soon…, don't let Casey tease you too much…, okay Baby, love you, bye."

"Kids, I swear your dad can read my mind, all of a sudden, right when I am talking about eating sushi he wants sushi for dinner, sometimes he freaks me out." Sarah laughs, "I hope you enjoyed that dinner out, for me it hasn't happened yet, for you it was years ago, weird.

Anyway, where was I, oh yeah, we're eating, and your Uncle Devon asks, ahem… why I haven't spent the night. Your uncle was incredibly inappropriate, and I laughed nervously, I think Dad was just in shock, Aunt Ellie changed the subject thank goodness."

Stephen stops the playback, "Mom is right this is really weird, I remember coming home from school, and Mom saying we're going out for sushi, in the middle of the week"

Molly adds, "I remember too, Momma Emma was shocked, it was unlike Mom to agree to go out on a school night, this is very freaky."

Diane is speechless when they both look at her, "what? What am I supposed to say, that they were psychic, I already said no two people ever loved each other so much, maybe there was something more to it? I mean Dad always knew what Mom wanted, or what would cheer her up when she was sad, alright I admit it, it's freaky."

Stephen starts the video again.

"We step outside and Aunt Ellie and Uncle Devon hug and kiss, I realized that Dad and I were not acting very loving, so I put my arms around him, the whole thing felt very forced. I'm not sure I would say we were saved from the awkwardness, but… Uncle Devon went to get the car, and this man comes stumbling down the sidewalk and collapsed on the sidewalk in front of us.

Ellie jumps in to help the man; she hands Dad the man's wallet while she attempts to save his life. Chuck proudly says, "That's my sister Eleanor Faye Bartowski saving that man's life," as they are loaded into an ambulance. Why he would shout out her whole name like that is beyond me, but Dad was, and can still be, very naive. Daddy opens the man's wallet and has a flash when he looks at the man's identification, a very worried Chuck says, "That's my sister saving that bad dude's life". I looked at Dad as if to ask "what?"

When we got home from the sushi restaurant Dad was in full freak out. Aunt Ellie had climbed into the ambulance when they came to take away that man. He was terrified that his spy life had spilled over into his real life, that something bad would happen to his sister, he didn't want his family exposed to this danger. he was worried about Ellie, and he was not happy. I did my best to explain that it was something that happened to spies, a sort of confusion over what's real and what's spy related. I also explained that Ellie was fine, that what happened had nothing to do with the intersect, and that Ellie was involved because she was a doctor doing what she does. Devon was fine, he knew that Ellie was just doing what's normal for doctors, he was more focused on our sex life, as inappropriate as he was, he was making a good point.

I said to Dad, I'm a little worried about our cover, I think it's time we made love. I thought he was going to choke on his coffee. Kids I am about to tell you something that no one else knows, I mean no one, I was having fun messing with your dad, but I was also going to wish I hadn't, more about that later.

The next day Casey and I have a video conference with General Beckman. At this point we are using Casey's apartment as our comm center, this whole operation was thrown together Impromptu, and we didn't have a proper base of operations. General Beckman confirms that the man Dad flashed on is Mason Whitney, who was involved in the development of access codes for the United States' arsenal of nuclear weapons, not a bad guy, but someone who had dangerous information at his disposal. She orders our team to visit the local morgue to discover how Whitney died.

After the briefing I head to the Buy More to take Dad to the morgue. When I walked up to his desk he was talking to a cute woman, she was about half his size, she's handing him a package, I was fairly sure I interrupted some flirting.

Kids, I could have walked right by and signaled Dad to come talk to me, but I didn't. I walked right over and watched him stumble over introducing me, her name was Lou, he told her my name, but he was trying so hard to not say I was his girlfriend, so I said it.

Turns out she was a deli owner, who came in to get her phone fixed. She was there to pick up the phone that Dad had repaired. Lou was clearly attracted to Chuck; she even named a sandwich after him. When I showed up, she was clearly angry, she shoved the sandwich at him and said sarcastically "I hope it doesn't make you sick."

Stephen, Diane, Molly, I swear to you at that point in my life I was never jealous of anybody or anything, but when that woman got pissed at Dad, because she thought he was playing her, I was dancing inside, I loved it, and I was a little miffed with Dad, for the life of me I had no idea why. Nowadays Daddy would never flirt in front of me, he knows I get jealous, even though I absolutely believe he doesn't want anybody but me.

When she walked away, she was clearly upset, and so was Dad, he was so miserable that the spy stuff was taking his life away from him, he really wanted a relationship. I on the other hand was not upset, I walked away and just said, let's go Chuck, using the mission to cover my bad behavior, we headed to the morgue.

Dad was Once again thrown into something that made him extremely uncomfortable, he was not happy about being in a room with dead people. I'm sure he got even more uncomfortable when I started going over the body inch by inch with a magnifying glass. While I was doing that, Casey was drawing body fluids and running tox screens looking for what might have killed this man. Turns out he was poisoned, injected with a toxic derivative of Pentothal, a Truth Serum. This particular concoction would cause the victim to uncontrollably tell the truth, until he or she falls unconscious and eventually dies.

Late that afternoon I was talking to Chuck at the Wienerlicious, he was nervous, and I was trying to help him relax about our impending fake night together. I explained that there was nothing to be nervous about, that it was all part of our cover, just an illusion we were creating for others. When he left me, he ran across the parking lot to catch the Deli girl, he saw getting into her car. I watched them talk, I didn't like it, not one bit, I looked around to be sure that no one was watching them, it really upset me that it could blow our cover, at least that was what I told myself.

That night I went to Chuck's room, Aunt Ellie had let me in, when I walked in, he was dancing to soft music, the room was lit up with scented candles. I teased him and asked him what he thought was going to happen. He got all awkward and said nothing. I took my coat off and I was wearing a very sexy purple negligee that didn't hide much. Part of my training was in seduction, and I never got embarrassed or nervous about my body being seen, somehow this was different, I got under the covers as quick as I could. Chuck got terribly upset, angry with me, he called me something that really bothered me, based on how I was dressed.

I can't tell you how much it hurt me when he said it, but I guess I had it coming, I had been teasing him something awful, knowing how he felt about me, it was wrong. Remember how I said I was messing with him, and I would regret it, well here comes that part, I was pushing him too far, and into the arms of another woman.

We got into a big fight about how he wanted to date that Lou girl. I told him it would be extremely hard; she would have to be vetted and cleared to be sure she was dating him for the right reasons. He was sad when he said wouldn't the reason be love. I was flabbergasted, how could this conversation be hurting me so much, making me so upset, of course I didn't show it, or say anything, I couldn't, I wasn't allowed, and we were being recorded.

We wound up in the same bed, back-to-back angry and hurt, when I look back, I handled it all wrong, my emotions were throwing me off my game. I could have just as easily held him and told him that things will work out, no promises, just reassure him. I was not acting like a spy, a handler, I was acting like a woman in love who was afraid to admit it. I was rescued from my emotions by the mission, all hail the mighty distraction. While we were lying in bed, we could hear Ellie and Devon arguing, it was strange and unlike them.

Ellie, charges into our room acting bizarrely, blurting out truths in an irritated and irrational manner. Devon comes in right behind her, we're all worried that something is wrong. The doorbell rings, we head out into the living room, where she continues her bizarre behavior.

Casey is there with the excuse that he is out of milk could he borrow some. Devon went into the kitchen to get Casey some milk, when Devon leaves, Casey explains that he was picking up crosstalk from a different frequency causing interference. Using a scanner disguised as a milk carton to find the bug interfering with his, he scans the room. The bug is found on Ellie after she falls unconscious, the same type found on Whitney, Casey puts it in a soundproof box. Casey and I deduce that she's been poisoned with the same chemical that Whitney had been poisoned with. Here's a weird little item, I was in a room full of people in the same negligee, and I was fine, no discomfort, when I was alone with Dad, I felt naked, I kept pulling the blankets up to cover myself.

We rushed Ellie to the hospital, Casey insists on continuing to talk about accomplishing the mission no matter how upset Chuck is about Ellie being poisoned. I try to comfort him, telling him that the government team is working on an antidote. He was not having it; he didn't want to hear anything that wasn't about saving your aunt. He grabs the bug from Casey opens the soundproof box and announces they found the codes on the lady doctor then seals it again. Casey seems really angry, but he compliments Dad, on a smart move getting the bad guy to come to us.

Now we are expecting the bad guy to come look for Ellie, so I put on a dark wig and pose as Ellie to act as decoy for the poisoner. It works he walks into the room where I am pretending to be Ellie asleep. Casey and I pull out our guns and confront him, he says that he has a vial of both the truth serum and the antidote. The man tries to bargain with them for the antidote when Chuck bursts in, yelling that he has found the codes, turns out the dying man had slipped it into the pocket on Ellie's sweater. Dad knocks the poison truth serum to the floor, breaking the vial and exposes everyone in the room. In the confusion, the man runs away with the antidote and the codes.

Casey uses an old police trick and using a crutch like a baton he throws it at him, hitting him in the back and knocking him to the ground. The antidote goes flying, I make a diving catch and keep it from breaking. The poisoner runs off, and Casey orders Chuck to take the antidote, we explain that he has to take it because he is the intersect, he agrees to take it but then runs off and gives it to Ellie instead.

We were sitting on the floor in the corridor basically accepting the fact that we were going to die, forced to be truthful because of the Pentothal. Dad is talking about his life, and I felt so bad, I apologized, but I don't think either of us knew how bad I felt, not just about him dying because of us, but more, I'm afraid you will have to wait to find out what that more is, truth to tell, I had to wait myself to fully understand it. Of course, Dad tried to make me feel better, then he got a strange look on his face.

Dad noticed an electronic device that the poisoner dropped lying on the floor, he picks it up and flashes on it. In one instant learning that the man is Riordan Payne, an Olympic athlete, who got injured, turned dealer in military secrets. Turns out The device is a tracking device. We use the device to track the bugs that Payne still had in his hideout, more like an apartment, I just thought I would spice things up. While we are waiting for the elevator Dad tells me how pretty I am, Oh kids I can't even tell you how much I liked hearing that from him, it made me tingle all over. We get to Payne's apartment and burst in to confront him, holding him at gunpoint. It's the first time I called Casey my partner; I could tell he liked it.

Payne offers to give us the antidote, being a nerd finally pays off when Dad recalls that many comic book villains often poison the heroes like this, so he suggests that Payne drink the contents of the vial first. Knowing he is busted Payne tries to escape by back flipping across the room, he was an Olympic athlete, But I shoot him in the knee to stop him. Sarah laughs, Casey was impressed that I was unsportsmanlike.

We Tied Payne to a chair put a bandage on his wound and then dosed him with truth serum, Payne tells us where the antidote and the codes are. We now have the antidote; Casey drinks his and Dad stops me before I drink mine. He looks me in the eye and asks me if any of the feelings are real, if there was any chance our relationship could go anywhere. Oh, my babies, I am so happy to say that you are here in my life even though I lied to Daddy, I said no, his face looked like I broke his heart. He thanked me for being honest even though I didn't have a choice, we both take the antidote.

I told him there was no chance for us, but agents are trained to lie under the effects of pentothal. If anyone knew about my feelings, I would be reassigned, I was so confused, I didn't understand what I was feeling, and I couldn't get my emotions under control. In that moment I just knew I couldn't tell him how I really felt, and for the first time because of the truth serum, I couldn't even lie to myself, I had feelings for Chuck Bartowski.

We were in the Home Theater room at the Buy More, General Beckman is congratulating the team for securing the codes. Unfortunately, Harry Tang bursts in, remember I told you about the Assistant Manager making Dad's and everyone else's work life miserable. Somehow, he got the idea that his wife was in there having an affair, only to walk in on the debriefing. Casey takes him aside and convinces Harry that the whole thing was a setup, telling him we'd been watching him for a while and intended to recruit him as an agent. They arrange for Harry to move to Hawaii, never to be seen in Buy More again.

Okay, here comes the hard part," Sarah takes a deep breath, "Dad believed that I was telling the truth, I mean as far as he was concerned, I couldn't lie, I had taken truth serum, I had to be telling him the truth when I said that our relationship would never go anywhere. Now I wasn't being totally dishonest, I was an agent, he was an asset, our being together was a definite no, no. That doesn't mean I didn't want it to go somewhere, it just couldn't.

Daddy walked into Wienerlicious; I was so happy to see him. He got serious really quick, he stood close to me and was telling me that when he thought he was dying he made a list, of things he needed to do. He was looking in my eyes. He was telling me that the first thing on his list was… My mind went wild, he was going to kiss me, I wanted him to kiss me so much, tell me the first thing on your list was to kiss me. Then he went on and told me that we need to break up, because the person being most fooled by their pretend relationship was him. My heart broke, I couldn't believe what I just heard, he was supposed to kiss me," tears come to Sarah's eyes, " I can still feel the hurt, it was so bad, I wanted him to kiss me, but I also knew I wasn't allowed to want that.

I watched as he walked across the parking lot to the deli, to Lou. It hurt so bad inside, to watch him laughing and talking with her in the sandwich shop. I turned and went back into the yogurt shop, my heart breaking, and I had no idea what was happening, I felt like I had lost something important, but for the life of me I had no idea what it was. I had never felt like this before, it was the most miserable feeling ever, but believe it or not, it wasn't the worst I was going to hurt over my feelings for Dad.

Babies, my three sweet, lovely babies, there are only two reasons you are around to hear my story, the first is it's a miracle that we were able to persevere through all the pain that would come, and the second reason, the most important one, the incredible capacity of Chuck Bartowski to love.

Whew, that was a rough one, believe it or not, it gets worse, I make things much, much worse. I was totally okay with my life as a spy, alone making believe I wasn't lonely. Then Chuck Bartowski had to come along and show me that I knew how to love, I had no idea it would hurt so much. Sarah's hand reaches out and the screen goes dark.

Stephen stops the playback, "whew, I'm glad we know the ending, because right now my heart is breaking for what Mom and Dad had to go through. I am freaked out by how close we came to not existing."

Molly is shaking her head, " and through all this Mom can't even go to her family, she had to stay away from me and Momma Emma to keep us safe. She was one incredible woman. What's cool is I can see her strength and capacity for love in you Diane, and Stephen, Dad is so strong in you, your sensitivity, your smarts, your caring. I am so proud of my family and where we came from.

Diane gets up and walks over to Molly, "well there's no doubt who learned from Mom to be charming and charismatic, to come up with quick solutions to problems, not to mention her desire to help others. I guess we're pretty lucky, and everything they went through got us here today. Big brother any objection to me sleeping in my room tonight."

Stephen scratches his chin and considers it for a moment, he winks at Diane, "I'll allow it, but only if big Sis joins us and we have one of our pajama parties and invite Mom for another story."

Molly pulls out her phone, "Hi Jimmy, would you mind terribly if I spend the night over here with Stephen and Diane? I love you too, I promise double cuddling tomorrow night." She turns to her siblings, "is there any food here, I'm starving, lunch was a while ago."

Stephen shakes his head, "nope, but I can run out and get us some, I believe there's some wine in the cupboard, anybody up for Chinese?"