A soft knock on the door rouses Lily from her half-comatose state. She's not even sure if she's slept since arriving back at Mona's following an overly expensive taxi service, and silently climbing the stairs so as not to wake her host in the middle of the night. The last few hours are a blur, and the only sign of how much time has passed is the lightening sky indicating daybreak through the curtains covering the window.

"Lily?"

The door opens a crack for the intruder to spy on her before slipping into the room.

"Oh, honey, what happened? You were there at the party and then you weren't, and when I went to check on you later you were gone." Marlene frowns as she shuts the door behind her and bustles over to sit on the edge of the bed.

Lily knows she should force herself to sit up, but her head feels like a lead balloon. She wants to wallow in her sadness, choosing to replay the last twenty-four hours over in her mind rather than talk to anyone about them. Tears prickle in her eyes as she feels Marlene's gaze burn into her while she waits for a response.

"Lils, seriously. Talk to me. I went to go find you around midnight and your room was deserted. James was holed up in his room and wouldn't even answer the door for Sirius."

A pang of longing followed by guilt washes over Lily as she hugs the goose-feather pillow tighter to her chest, clutching it for dear life.

"Snape was there." Lily's voice is raspy, barely recognizable. Those three words are all she can muster in an attempt to explain what happened to her best friend.

"I gathered that much, but—"

The door bursts open and Remus enters like a bull in a china shop. "Is she here? Oh, thank God, Lily, you had us all worried!"

"Why didn't you both stay?"

Remus's alarm jolts her from her comatose state. She hadn't thought about the impact her abrupt departure could have had on her friends, and never meant to ruin their weekend. As far as she is concerned, she is the captain of the sinking ship that is her life, and she only intended to take herself down with it.

"C'mon Lils, we'd never abandon you when you needed us the most." Marls pats her leg.

"Yeah. We were really only there by the extension of your invitation."

Lily notes red splotches appear on Remus's cheeks and wonders if he's hiding something from her. The thoughts cause her mind to drift to what she missed during the remainder of the party, but quickly shakes any creeping interest from her mind.

"That's not true. Sirius invited Marlene. I didn't need to be there. I shouldn't have gone."

"But that invitation would be nonexistent if it weren't for your relationship with James."

"What relationship?" Lily mutters, refusing to look her friends in the eye.

Marlene pouts. "Lily, don't be like that. Please tell us what happened. We know Snape was there. But why'd you run off?"

Sadness is replaced by anger and Lily sits up. Blood rushes to her head from the sudden movement. She's not sure whether she should be angry or relieved that Marlene didn't pick up on her nonexistent relationship comment.

"Why did I run off? Because he was using his money and status against me again. I couldn't stand there and be humiliated in front of all those people who I know would believe his false accusations because I'm a nobody with no money!"

"You can't honestly think people would believe that, do you?" Marlene sets both her hands on the bed and leans forward with her question, eyebrows raised incredulously.

"Of course, I do! I was so stupid to believe things could ever be different!"

"Lily, you've got to get over this money stigma. Sure, some people—like Snape—have money and are super righteous and entitled about it, but James—"

"—Is just like them," Lily finishes Marlene's statement, unwilling to let her vouch for him being any different.

Marlene throws her head back in frustration, letting out an unbecoming grunt. "Ugh! Why can't you just let yourself believe that James is a good guy, who is good for you!"

"You weren't there! You don't know!" Lily fights back, desperate for her closest friend to be on her side.

"But I was there! I watched his reactions and how angry he got when Snape said all those things. He came to your defense and kicked Snape out of his house. Regulus, too."

"Yeah, that was right before he knocked him out," Remus adds, throwing a fake punch to reenact the scene Lily fled.

She vaguely remembers James's bruised and swollen hand and a surge of appreciation floods through her body, replacing the cold emptiness with something warm and fuzzy. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe he didn't readily believe Snape's accusations of her.

Even if he didn't, it's not like it matters now anyway.

And just like that, the warm, fuzzy feeling flickers and dies, leaving her hollow again. Lily shakes her head to respond to Remus's question. The blanket slips down as she sits up further and Marlene gasps.

"Lily, don't you dare tell me you are still wearing that beautiful gown! What are you thinking! You're going to ruin it!"

Lily looks down at the red sequins glinting in the meek daylight, the heaviness in her heart returning after its brief moment of reprieve. "So? It's not like it matters. You'll never catch me wearing this again."

There is no way she could ever wear this dress again. It is tainted by James, worn for him and only him. His lustful, speechless reaction is burned into her memory, but that's all it will ever be now since their burgeoning relationship has imploded all around her.

"Don't say that," Marlene coaxes, patting her leg over the blanket.

"Why not? It's true. In what universe will I ever have a party or fancy event to wear something like this again? It's not like I'll find myself running in the same crowds as the Potters and Blacks anymore."

"Alright, enough wallowing," Remus interrupts. "You keep skirting the issue. Tell us what happened or we're going to leave you here and drive back to Peverell."

"Remus!" Marlene scolds, though her sympathy seems to be waning thin.

"What? I mean, maybe that's a little excessive, but everyone at the party saw James defend your honor last night, Lily. Hell, I reckon all of England has by now too. That slimy snake will be suffering from much more than a bruised ego after that takedown."

Lily groans. "Not the Daily Mail again."

"Oh, yes," Marlene chimes in. "But don't worry, you're not in it this time. I know how much of a concern that is for you. Moreso than the state of dismay you left your boy toy in after you disappeared."

Lily has to give credit to her friends where credit is due. They sure know how to get her attention. She isn't surprised that a breakdown of last night's events landed in the stupid gossip papers, but Marlene's words send new shock waves rippling through her.

Is she telling the truth? Was James upset by her departure?

It doesn't matter.

"I had no choice."

Marlene and Remus share a skeptical look at Lily's admission. "We're going to need you to elaborate on that for us, Lils," Marlene responds.

"I—" Lily pauses to take a breath. "He wanted to fix things and I told him no."

It is vague, and not entirely the truth, but it's a start. Marlene remains quiet, no doubt taking the time to analyze Lily's cryptic explanation. It doesn't take long for her to decode the message after years of friendship.

"No. No way. Do not tell me this is all about money. Lily, you did not run away from James because he's rich!"

Marlene knows how staunchly independent Lily is. Even back in their Uni days, she refused to allow her friends to pay for anything without reimbursing them. Marlene also knows how hard it was for Lily to trust Severus, only to have the whole deal thrown back in her face. So, how could Marlene ask her that when she knows the answer?

Lily chooses not to respond. Instead, she flops back amongst the sea of pillows propped against the headboard. Marlene doesn't relinquish her imploring gaze, and eventually Lily breaks under its pressure.

"I'm not like you, Marls! I can't just date a man who has no qualms flaunting his money and status in society! That's not who I am!"

"When has James ever flaunted anything? Lily, I swear this is all in your head!"

"Do you not remember every single date he's taken me on? Every single gesture has been over the top! I don't need all that."

"So, you left because he offered to make the Snape thing go away?"

Lily grimaces at Marlene's words. She'd be lying if she thinks the truth can remain hidden, but it doesn't help that she isn't ready to admit it to herself, let alone her best friends.

"No, I didn't leave because he was rich and implied he could make all my problems go away if I asked him to."

"Then why?" This time, Remus speaks up.

Lily wonders if he has a vested interest now because of his friendship—or maybe more?—with Dora.

The tangled mess between her friends and James's is becoming too much. And then a new thought hits her. What if they already know? What if Sirius or Dora told James, who told them? If they have, then what's the point in her keeping the punch line from them any longer?

"I left because James asked me to marry him, and I said no."

Remus's eyes widen and Marlene yelps in shock. "WHAT?!"

"Please don't make me repeat myself."

"Okay, I won't ask you to repeat it. I will, and you can confirm whether I heard you correctly. James asked you to marry him, and you turned him down."

"That is the most succinct summary, yes," Lily offers.

Her mind runs through the conversation for the millionth time since she left him standing there in the kitchen. What could have been a fairy tale ending blowing up in her face, leaving a hole the size of a crater in her chest where her heart supposedly lies. The emptiness echoes in her chest cavity where the remains of her heart still beat, though each thump is a depressing reminder of what she left behind.

Marlene lifts a hand and taps her chin with her finger while Lily waits for the berating that never comes. Instead, Marlene asks a singular question. "Lily, do you love him? Please don't lie to us."

It's the last question Lily's expecting, though she's not sure why. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything! If you ask me, you've been avoiding it on purpose."

Lily's throat grows dry at Marlene's accusation. She has purposely avoided thinking about a certain four-letter word ever since she and James shared their first kiss in the Great British Bake Off tent.

"Maybe I do? How am I supposed to know? We've only known each other for a couple of months! It's far too soon. What if he asked me for all the wrong reasons!" She's desperate, grasping at straws to justify running off.

"Or what if you're just afraid of something you don't have any control over? Like falling head over heels for a man you swore you'd hate?" Marlene's voice is soft, sympathetic, yet to the point.

She's right. Of course, she's right.

Lily squeezes her eyes shut to fight back the tears. "It's too late. I made my choice."

Thankfully, neither Marlene nor Remus fights with her about it any longer. Instead, Marlene changes the subject. "Lily, I have to tell you something."

The tone of her voice sounds ominous, causing Lily to open her eyes and search Marlene's face for any inkling of a clue. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all. Well, maybe the timing, but—"

"What is it?" Lily's curiosity fuels her impatience.

"James's proposal wasn't the only offer of marriage last night." Marlene offers Lily a sheepish smile while Remus looks on nervously, ready to bolt for the door if things go south.

"What? Did Sirius propose?"

Marlene nods slowly. Lily is happy for her, though maybe a little shocked. At least the night brought good news for someone. Though, the more she thinks about it, the more her heart continues to break. Marlene and Sirius have known each other for half the amount of time James and Lily have spent arguing and dancing around each other. Yet, it seems as though her best friend is now engaged and Lily's left more alone than ever.

"I'm sorry! I know the timing is shit, but I—I couldn't not tell you! You're my best friend. Keeping secrets isn't an option."

"No, no! I'm happy for you, Marls. Really," Lily half-lies. She forces a smile on her lips, putting her inner turmoil on the backburner to be a supportive best friend. "You're in love. What could be better than that?"

Lily throws the covers back to lean over and wrap Marlene in a tight hug, blinking back a fresh wave of tears that threaten to cascade from her eyes. She is almost successful until Marlene whispers in her ear.

"You're in love too. I can tell."

And here come the waterworks again.

Sighing, Lily wipes away the tears. She can't be in love with James. "It doesn't matter now, Marls. He doesn't love me."

Marlene pulls Lily back by the shoulders to try and read her expression. Concern shows among her creased eyebrows and the tilt of her head. "Wait. Don't tell me he asked you to marry him but never professed his love for you."

Remus let out a long whistle. "Big mistake."

"No, he did tell me," Lily corrects them. "But it was too little, too late."

Marlene shares another look with Remus, and this time the gesture irritates Lily. "What?" The singular word comes out more snappy than she intends.

Marlene digs in the pocket of her sweatshirt and pulls out an envelope with Lily's name on it. "Here. If you want to know whether James loves you or not—and if you love him—then read this. Maybe it'll even shed some light on whether his proposal was genuine."

She hands the letter over to Lily then stands up, Remus following her lead. "James asked me to give it to you before we left. We'll leave you alone so you can read it."

As they head to the door, Lily watches them go, resisting the urge to ask them to stay so she can avoid the inevitable.

"We're here for you no matter what, Lily," Remus tells her, offering a supportive smile before he disappears into the hall.

Marlene nods and blows her a kiss before shutting the door behind her. For a while, Lily does nothing but stare at the envelope in her hands. Does she want to know what James has to say? Will it cause more heartbreak or put her mind at ease?

She weighs the options of to read or not to read until finally, her finger slides into the seal, tearing the envelope open to pull the letter out. It is dated from Peverell, at one in the morning, and consists only of a single page.

Lily,

It's only been a few hours since you left Peverell, and the light you brought with your arrival has gone out as quickly as it came. I did not want to believe my eyes when I went to check on your deserted room, and now I'm left alone with my thoughts, attempting to figure out where we went wrong.

I'm sorry I hurt you, Lily. More sorry than I can say. And I need to apologize for all the pain Regulus caused you. He'll never hurt you again, I promise you that. As for Severus Snape, I believe he's learned his lesson.

As much as Regulus and Severus' actions hurt you, I know that most of the blame rests on my shoulders. Yes, they caused you harm, but I was the one who pushed you away.

I don't regret proposing to you, but I wish I had gone about it differently. First and foremost, I should have told you how much I love you, and I mean that with all my heart. Yes, we come from different backgrounds, and yes, the thought of Snape trying to pull something so sinister on you drove me mad. But the truth is that you have been driving me mad since the first time we met. I've loved you since I saw you from across the tent, waiting to judge your entry in Belfast.

I will refrain from going on since you've made your lack of feelings for me more than clear. I can assure you that this will be the last time you hear of my affections. Never again will I offer such a preposterous proposal, nor will I share my sentiments with you.

Please accept this letter for what it is: an attempt to set the record straight and apologize for causing you so much pain at the mere thought of my proposal.

-J. Potter

Lily stares at the ink-stained pages, tears falling freely as James's words hit her like a sucker punch to the gut. She's not sure what result she was hoping for, but now more than ever, her heart yearns for the man she's pushed away.

What have I done?