Angst, angst, angst, angst, angst. So much angst with a bit of romance sprinkled throughout. Hope you read and enjoy. Please review. Xx
When Jade was five, she learnt one of the harsh realities of life. It was a dog-eat-dog world out there, and people were selfish, cruel and unforgiving.
"They'll eat you alive, my little gem," her mother coos as she twists Jade's ponytail with a painfully tight grip.
Jade ignores her mother's comments as she pulls herself free. Her face remains stiff as she walks into her new school looking for the kindergarten class she was starting that day. She evades the other mummies and daddies fussing and kissing their kid's goodbye and instead shuffles into the classroom. Alone.
It doesn't take long for the comments to start once the other children arrive.
"Why are you dressed like that?"
"I don't like your stories. You're weird."
"How come she never smiles?"
"You can't play princess with us. You can be the ugly witch though."
The place that she hoped might be a saving grace from her mother's house of abuse was no more than a fleeting fantasy. She assures herself that she doesn't want any friends anyway. Her mother didn't have friends. Except for those scary-looking men who sometimes loitered in the kitchen and shot her menacing grins. Jade doesn't need them either.
When she gets picked up later that afternoon (40 minutes after everyone else. The front office had been calling her mother's cell for the last 25 minutes all the while making disgruntled comments under their breath which make her feel humiliated and indignant), she slips silently into the back seat of her mother's beat-up Chrysler and pulls at the bottom of her fraying t-shirt.
"Well. How were they?" her mother eventually cracks.
"Mummy, they hate me?" she says gently, pinching her thighs so she can focus on the tight pain rather than the tears that want to come out.
Her mother looks perversely gleeful at these words.
"So? People don't have to like you, Jade. The sooner you realise this, the better off you'll be," she smirks.
For once in her life, Jade thinks her mummy might be right. She vows she'll be tough. She'll also be wiser. No more false illusions that this world might be kind to her. She wouldn't hope in anything or anyone ever again.
When Jade is eight, social services get involved. After a few weeks of being told nothing and being shuffled from house to house and not being fed some meals and listening to lots of screaming adults, she somehow ends up with her dad that she hadn't seen since she was two. She's in a new house, at a new school and has a new family.
"Make any friends today?" Jenny, her father's fiancée, asks much too brightly from the front seat of the car as they ride away from Jade's new school.
"No," Jade spits defiantly.
"She doesn't need friends. What she needs is to focus on her school work. She's behind the whole class," her father barks from behind the wheel, his eyes not shifting from the road.
Jenny's enthusiastic face falls anxiously.
"David, she needs friends."
"Why? People will only drag you down, Jade. Remember that," her father instructs gruffly, finally glancing at her in the rear-view mirror.
Jade doesn't bother replying. She knows he's right.
At age twelve, Jade gets partnered with a girl called Roxy for English class. Jade would never say it aloud, but she thinks that's the coolest name ever, and she's envious of the black eyeliner and fishnet stockings Roxy's mum allows her to wear.
Roxy invites her over so they can work together on a book report on Friday afternoon. 4pm somehow becomes 6pm, and before Jade knows it, she's calling up Jenny to see if she can sleepover.
Jenny was excited (though Jenny's always excited when it comes to Jade), so she gets permission and tells Roxy with forced casualness, "Yeah. I can stay."
"Cool," Roxy says back, just as casually.
That night Roxy introduces Jade to horror films. She also shows Jade how to put on eyeliner and smacks a bit of her red lipstick onto Jade's pouty lips.
Jade would rather have a fork stabbed in her eye than admit she's having fun, but she is. She has a lot of fun, actually. And when midnight finally hits and Jade and Roxy lay in bed next to each other, seconds from falling asleep, Roxy whisperers,
"You're actually not a total lame-o, Jade. We should be friends."
"Yeah, okay," Jade whispers back, her mouth suddenly dry.
"Neat. My birthday is coming up. I'm going to have a party. I'll send you an invite."
Jade's heart starts pumping fast. She can't find any words but jerkily nods her head.
A week later when she asks her dad for $20 so she can buy a present for her friend, her father looks up from his report to stare at her with a look of disappointment and annoyance.
Jade feels uncomfortable and awkwardly shuffles her feet under her father's patronising gaze, but she refuses to look away.
"Well?" she demands.
"I thought you knew better than to waste time and money on people. Relationships are only beneficial if they serve a purpose," her father explained.
"It's not a bad thing to have a friend, dad," she scowled.
"Well don't you dare come crying to me when they abandon you," he grunts, but Jade doesn't even care because he opens his wallet and hands her a wad of cash – far more than $20, but she doesn't complain.
She has to catch two different buses to the mall because Jenny is out, but Jade doesn't mind. She usually hates the bus because of all the gross people packed on it, but they don't bother her much this time.
Jade scowls at herself as she catches herself almost skipping into the shops. She's never bought a gift for anyone before, and the only present she's ever received was a few books from her dad at Christmas. She very much doubts Roxy would care about 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People'.
Jade's so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't even realise that she's wandered over towards the movie cinema. It's only when she hears a loud chorus of "Happy birthday dear ROXY, happy birthday to you" that she looks up in shock.
Outside the cinema doors stood a large group of girls, Roxy in the centre with her impeccable eyeliner, grinning at everyone around her.
"Best birthday ever," she calls happily.
Jade can feel her stomach sink. She was an idiot. Of course Roxy didn't actually like her. Roxy was cool and popular and likeable. No one wants the weird, quiet girl at their birthday party.
Before anyone can spot her, Jade finds her feet and runs in the opposite direction. She's running so fast that she doesn't even know what shop she races into. She thinks she might burst into tears which is ridiculous and embarrassing and WEAK, so she drops to her knees and squeezes her fists tightly.
She starts to count to 100. It was something a social worker had told her to do if she ever started to feel overwhelmed and couldn't breathe properly. Jade had thought that sounded very stupid at the time. It's still pretty stupid now, but at least Jade's not blubbering like a big baby in a public shop.
Getting a grip, Jade finally looks at her surroundings. She's in a music store. As she peeps around at the rows of violins and gleaming saxophones, she feels oddly calm. She kind of likes it here.
She tentatively walks over to a keyboard that's set up on display. There's a music book placed on the stand. "Piano for dummies."
What a fitting title for her.
She glances over her shoulder, and seeing no one around, she sits at the stool and attempts to follow the book's instructions. By the end of thirty minutes, she's memorised all the notes and can already play a few basic songs. Using the money her father had given her for Roxy, she instead buys the keyboard and book, and even though the bus rides back are horrible with the giant box in her hands, she has no regrets once it's set up in her room.
As she strokes the keys and eventually becomes confident enough to start using her voice to sing along with the melodies she's playing, Jade finally feels the gaping hole inside of her start to close up.
Jade was sick of disappointment, so she now refused to let herself become excited about things.
She hadn't been excited when Jenny finally convinced her now-husband to let Jade audition for Hollywood Arts. Jade hadn't been excited when she gave a flawless performance and received a standing ovation from the markers. Jade hadn't even been excited when her father announced casually over his black coffee that Jade had received an acceptance letter, and that as long as she maintained an A average, she would start at the beginning of the semester.
But when Jade finally walks through the colourful hallways of her new school, she can't help the spark of hope that starts to burn in her chest.
When Jade gets introduced to acting, she learns what it's like to feel free. Yes, her life may suck, but she can find joy and happiness pretending to be someone else. Plus, she's amazing at it. Everyone says so.
People don't judge her for being different at this school. Instead, they applaud it.
When she starts to put streaks in her hair and pierces her face and goes so far as to get a tattoo in a dodgy lane ally in downtown LA, even then people don't make her feel afraid to be her true self. In fact, there was only one person in this whole school that made her feel uncomfortable, and his name was Beck Oliver.
"Whoa. Your hair looks beautiful today," he'd whisper behind her in class.
"Hey, I got you a coffee. That's your favourite drink, right?" he'd say with a smile by her locker.
"Your performance of Lady Macbeth was incredible. You are ridiculously talented," he'd praise as they left the Blackbox after rehearsal.
"Would you leave me alone!" Jade finally snaps, slamming her locker viciously shut one afternoon as Beck trails behind her like a little lost puppy.
"Nope," Beck grins back.
Jade spins around in a fury, her rage only increasing as she observed the coy smirk on the arrogant pretty boy's face. She refused to be mocked
"What is your deal?" she hisses with venom seeping through her words, "Is this some stupid bet? Ask out the scary kid and win $100? Is your life so pathetic that you feel the need to torment mine?"
The confident smirk disappears from Beck's face rapidly and is replaced with an expression of alarm.
"No. Not at all. I'm sorry. I just wanted to ask you out on a date. I like you, Jade."
She doesn't bother responding to that blatant lie. Instead, she punches him in the gut and storms off before a teacher catches her and throws her in detention.
She thought that she'd dealt with the Beck Oliver situation once and for all, which is why the following morning her jaw drops open as she finds Beck standing in front of her locker holding a bunch of flowers. She approaches cautiously, and when she's arm's length away, he hands them to her silently.
"You're giving me flowers after I punched you," she states flatly, "I must have knocked out your remaining brain cells."
"You seemed pretty angry," Beck shrugged, "Also, I want to prove to you that my intentions are genuine."
"Oh please," Jade scoffed, but her resolve softened ever so slightly as Beck moved to rub his neck nervously. He didn't appear to be quite as cocky and arrogant as the day before.
"Look, I do like you, Jade. I want to know you better."
Jade regarded the handsome boy with her piercing eyes, searching his face for any indication of deception. She couldn't find any.
Jade should have walked away at that point. She should have remembered her mother and father's words. Instead, she finds herself asking,
"Why?"
Beck looks taken aback. Then another lopsided grin appeared on his face as he replied with a nonchalant shrug, "Because you intrigue me."
"And what happens when I stop intriguing you? What happens when you get bored?" she challenges.
"That won't happen," he promises.
And when he shuffles forward so they're only inches apart and looks into her eyes with the same amount of vigour, Jade finds herself thinking that maybe having a friend isn't so bad.
They're an official couple within the month, and that's how Jade discovers love for the first time.
For a few years, Jade's life is like a fairy-tale. Maybe she will get the happy ending she never believed in. She certainly has her prince charming, and though girls try and lure him away, she's adamant in stomping them out and holding him close.
She stars as the lead in most productions, and though her parents never come to a performance, the cheers and congratulations from her fellow peers bring enough satisfaction. Still, she pretends their words mean nothing to her and returns their complements with scornful remarks and scathing comments. She should have known that one day people would stop giving them.
Jade even finds herself sitting with a group of what one might call friends. They were all harmless people, sort of nice, and all talented in their own right. They were technically Beck's friends first, so Jade still held them at arm's length, but she found herself looking forward to their Friday nights and weekends spent as a group, getting up to one reckless activity or the other.
It was possibly the best time in her life… and then Tori Vega comes to school.
Beck stops holding her hand.
Beck starts walking beside Tori to lunch.
Beck places her in a time out while he helps mend Tori Vega's broken heart. Nobody cares about Jade's.
The night Beck breaks up with her hurts. What hurts more is the crushing realisation that she has no one. Of course, down to the last second, she pretended like she had no need for friends, calling Robbie tolerable, Cat a pet and refusing to even acknowledge Andre, but she doesn't mean it. It was just an act. A big fat act that proved to be her downfall, because no one tries to follow after she leaves. Jade West was finally alone, and it hurt. It hurt almost more than she could bear.
She eventually tries to force herself upon Cat, but even the little redhead seems to enjoy time spent with Tori more than with her. In desperation, Jade even finds herself attempting to hang out with Robbie, but she always feels unwanted and more of a frightening nuisance than a companion.
And so, the pattern of her miserable life continues.
Jade doesn't get another lead. Instead, people crowd around Tori, congratulating her.
Sikowtiz calls Jade a gank again. The class laughs.
The "gang" makes plans for Friday night. Jade doesn't get invited.
In fact, Jade's phone hasn't rung in five months. Not since the breakup with Beck.
When Jade stops sitting at the lunch table, no one cares. Jade stops eating food. No one realises. Jade stops auditioning. No one comments. Sometimes Jade can't even get out of her car when she arrives in the school parking lot. And still, no one comes to her rescue. If she disappeared completely, would anyone even notice?
No one cares about her. After all, she was the 'bad guy' in this story. Not the princess – Tori Vega held that role.
One afternoon, Jade sits alone at the back of the art room at her workstation. They're meant to be working on pottery, but Jade is preoccupied with using her new scissors to cut up the scrap paper littering the desk. The little flakes of paper fall to the table like melting snow, tearing away into discarded trash. Jade blinks rapidly as she stares at them, so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't spot Beck's concerned gaze from the opposite side of the room.
"Can you please pass the wire cutter, Jade?" Tori asks as she approaches the sullen girl's desk.
Jade's so lost in her own world though that she doesn't hear Tori's pesky voice.
Huffing angrily, Tori leans over and goes to grab the item for herself. In her irate haste, she accidentally knocks Jade's side, and the scissors in Jade's fingers slip into her forearm.
"Oh my God, Jade, I'm so sorry!" Tori cries, frantically searching around for some paper towels to mop up the blood that's started pouring down Jade's wrist.
Jade is stunned, staring unmovingly at the thick red droplets with fascination. How strange. The cut didn't hurt as much as she thought it might. In fact, the drip drip drip of her blood is the only thing soothing Jade from Tori's hysterical shouts of apology.
It's rather beautiful, Jade muses to herself, and she's still so mesmerised by her arm that she finds herself gasping in shock as a familiar hand suddenly grips her own with alarm.
"Jade, snap out of it," Beck breaths in her ear.
Where had he come from?
Jade only blinks at Beck in confusion. Perhaps the blood loss was making her woozy, or perhaps it's because for the first time in longer than Jade can remember, people are staring and talking at her without hostility in their tone.
Beck's cool exterior remains but terror fills him at Jade's vacant expression. He wraps the tea towel he had grabbed firmly around her wrist and gently tugs at her other hand to follow him out of the room. It doesn't work though as Jade doesn't budge an inch.
As the towel around her stains darker, Beck immediately picks her up with the intention of carrying her to the sickbay. He almost forgets his mission as he's struck by how light Jade seems to be in his arms.
Somehow, she ends up in the hospital with stitches in her arm and a dull ache in her head. Beck hasn't left her side once, but he only speaks to her when they're in the privacy of his truck.
"Jade, what the hell is going on?"
When Jade only blinks in response, Beck lets out a shaky breath before continuing,
"I get that you're mad at me, but you've been avoiding everyone. And you're acting strange. Are you even eating?"
Jade still doesn't reply, but she can feel her heartbeat quicken. Beck was wrong. She hadn't avoided anyone. They had abandoned her.
"Please, just talk to me," Beck begs as Jade remains stoic.
"You see, this is why we broke up," Beck snaps, "You always shut me out, Jade. You'd rather scream and rage at me than ever have an honest conversation. And even now, you're determined to blank me out and not open up. Do you know what it's like to watch the person you love push you away?"
"That's not why we broke up," she says quietly.
"Then why? Tell me, Jade?"
"Haven't you read the fairy tales, Beck? The villain never wins."
Jade had accepted her fate. She was destined to be alone. She's made peace with it. So she doesn't understand why people who had ignored her for nearly half a year now spend almost every waking moment trying to talk with her or, "check-in", as Andre had uneasily put it.
Beck kept staring at her with large, terror-filled eyes. She feels like she's going insane, and when Tori forces her to come over for "totally not an intervention. We're just your friends who are worried and want to talk with you," Jade feels ready to disappear.
"Jade, Jadey, why don't you sit with us anymore? We really miss you," Cat murmurs. She's clutching her toy giraffe in her hands and she looks like a small child asking for her mummy.
Jade holds back a snort and stares at the ground.
"Really, Jade, we've been trying to give you space. We know you've been angry, but we're starting to get worried," Andre softly ads.
His words felt like a slap in the face. Giving her space? More like celebrating that they don't have to deal with her anymore.
It takes Tori's words that finally break her; "We care about you, Jade."
Jade throws her head back and laughs. She laughs and laughs and laughs. Her voice becomes louder as she wheezes. She's almost choking she's laughing so hard. She can't even feel alarmed by the slightly terrified gazes of her supposed "friends," for she's too far gone in a frenzied hysteria. It's only when Cat pleads, "Please don't cry, Jade," that she realises she's sobbing.
When she finally gets home (apparently acting emotionally unstable was alarming enough to halt the intervention as everyone had become positively alarmed, and Robbie was crying and Andre looked terrified and Beck had the audacity to look like someone had run a knife through his chest), she collapses on her bathroom floor.
It's the first time she picks up the razor blade. It had been nice to feel again in art class when the scissors slipped into her skin. That's her last thought before the blade meets her thigh.
Senior year finally approaches. Only one more year till she's out. It was a strange feeling, realising school was not the be-all end-all. She could hardly remember why she'd cared so much about getting a good role in Sikowitz's productions. What was she hoping to achieve?
In fact, Jade had come to the realisation that everything to do with high school was pathetic. Especially friends. For so long she had wanted people to be with her, now all she wanted was to be alone. At least that's what she tells herself.
No one had messaged her this summer. Cat had occasionally slapped her in a comment on their school social media site, but that had been the only form of interaction.
Her stupid step-mum has been up all her ass all summer to "Go out, Jade. This is your last year of school for Christ's sake. Stop moping around like a sad sack," so she forces herself to go to a party before the semester commences.
The music is loud and booming, and cups litter every inch of the floor. Jade spends most of her time in a corner, sculling drink after drink until the room starts spinning and the music becomes no more than a distant thud in the back of her mind. She spots fluffy hair from across the room, and she watches the tall frame lean down to suck on the neck of some other girl. It takes her a few seconds to realise it's not actually him, but the image is enough to send her spiralling out of the door.
She doesn't think as she spots a somewhat familiar face lurking by his lonesome at the front of the house. She grabs him by the collar of his leather jacket and forces his lips onto hers.
There's a lot of kissing and sucking and nipping. It feels rough and painful, and Jade likes it.
"Wanna fuck?" she asks as a hand comes to rest over one of her boobs.
Ryder Daniels raises an eyebrow at her before shrugging yes and leading her to his car.
They make it to his bedroom. The lights are still off so they can barely see each other as they strip off their clothes and fall into the bed. Just as Ryder's about to push into her, he feels the scars littering her thighs. Rough zig zags of red slashed harshly across her creamy skin.
"Jesus, are you insane?" he snarls, ripping his body away from hers.
Jade doesn't know how to respond. Her mouth gapes open and she stumbles over her words.
"You-you don't want me anymore?" she slurs. And before she knows what she's doing, ugly, fat tears fall down her face.
Ryder's face pales in alarm. "Jade don't cry. I never meant… Oh shit, you're drunk, aren't you?" he groans as he turns on his bedside lamp to look at the blubbering girl in front of him.
Jade hiccups in reply. Never in her wildest dream did she expect the following actions to occur. Ryder reaches for his jacket on the floor, picks it up, and wraps it firmly around Jade's bare frame. He walks out the room but returns a few minutes later holding a mug of coffee.
He waits for Jade to finish the beverage and sober up slightly before speaking to her again.
"You should stop doing that," he says quietly.
"What's it to you?" she barks back. Because seriously, what's it to him? Not a goddamn person gave a shit about her. Certainly not the school's resident douchebag player.
"Your life, your body. But it's weak, and if there's one thing I never thought you were, it was weak." Ryder's words sound more like a challenge, and she feels a defiant pulse ignite in her chest.
"You don't know anything," she hisses.
"Maybe not," he shrugs, "but you're not allowed to do that in my house, so if you're planning on staying, I'd get over that habit quickly."
"Who said I'm staying here?"
He looks at her with a raised eyebrow. "I'm going to take a wild guess and say your home life isn't great. My dad will be in New York for business for the next few months. You can stay in my room if you want. I'll take his."
The voices in Jade's head scream NO NO NO. Never trust anyone. Never hope in anything. But dammit, she was exhausted. And so, she finds herself nodding meekly in agreement.
Looking over her tiny frame, Ryder bites the inside of his cheek before adding, "Another rule, under my roof, you eat."
Jade blushes, feeling more exposed now than she had laying naked under his from a few minutes ago. But under Ryder's unflinching gaze, she nods stiffly and makes up her mind at that moment to start caring for herself again.
Tori looks hurt and blinks back tears when Ryder and Jade start walking into school together, hand in hand.
Robbie looks scandalised and Andre frowns at her in betrayal.
Beck looks like his world has fallen apart.
Jade tells herself she doesn't care. She's sick of feeling like she's seconds from drowning. She just wants to breathe. So instead, Jade throws herself into her school work. She starts to top her classes again. Sikowitz demands rather than requests that she be part of their last senior year production. Jade's surprised when she's cast as the lead, and Sikowitz tells her it's because he can sense her spark has returned and that she is ready to burn bright once more.
When people congratulate Jade on her performance, she bites her tongue and offers a small thanks instead of a snarky quip. Their shocked smiles tug at her insides, and perhaps it's the buzz from the stage lights that's got to her, but she seeks out Cat who's playing with her hair in the dressing room mirror and asks if she wants to get dinner.
At these words, Cat launches out of her seat and wraps her arms and legs around's Jade's body, squealing yes and proclaiming that she's missed her so much.
The final performance finally arrives, and Ryder hugs Jade, whispers something in her ear, and walks to the audience.
Jade knows that what they share together isn't love. They're just two lonely souls that needed some companionship, and Jade sighs thinking about the inevitable break up conversation they'll have later tonight. She's already found an apartment in New York, and he's moving to San Francisco, so it doesn't make sense to continue this affair anymore.
She catches her ex's eye as he walks over to her, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Does he make you happy?" Beck murmurs in her ear as they get into position behind the stage curtain.
"No one makes me happy," she mutters back, just as quietly so no one in the bustling auditorium can overhear.
"Did I ever make you happy?" he implores.
Jade bites her lip and thinks about it.
"Once upon a time you did. And then I stopped intriguing you."
Beck frowns deeply at her words. "No, you didn't," he says stiffly, "That's just the story you chose to tell yourself."
Jade is startled by that reply. It makes her think of the words Ryder had just whispered in her ear;
"We chose our own narrative, Jade. So go knock them dead."
2 years after graduation, Jade returns to California after receiving her first Tony Award for her performance as Jojo in the new hit Broadway show, Jawbreaker.
She has to surpass an eye roll as LA's new favourite show host, Trina Vega, leaps up and gives her a bone crushing hug. It's only because of the cameras rolling that Jade doesn't strangle the older girl and instead plasters on a fake smile as she takes her seat.
"Jade West, long time no see," Trina grins.
"Hey Trina," Jade offers, smirking slightly. It was nice to see the older Vega in her element. She really was a comedic genius. Unfortunately, few people knew that her narcissism and inflated ego was not part of an act, but still, Trina seemed happy – and Jade had learnt to appreciate other people's happiness instead of resenting it.
"Well, who would have thought? Hollywood Art's very own bad girl has made it big."
"Thanks, Trina. It's been a wild ride," Jade agrees lightly.
"I hear you already have new plans lined up for this year."
"Yes, I'm going to be working on a movie with Jennifer Lawrence."
The crowd gasps and claps appreciatively, and the first genuine smile tugs at Jade's lips.
"Are you working with any other big names?" Trina asks, then turning to the audience with a face that screamed GOSSIP, she loudly proclaimed, "You might not know this, but Jade went to Hollywood Arts with my very own sister, the pop sensation Tori Vega, the award-winning comedian, Robbie Shapiro, the producer, songwriter and singer, Andre Harris, the fashion designer, Cat Valentine, and of course, the Hollywood heartthrob himself, actor Beck Oliver."
The crowd gasped on cue, shocked to hear how many famous people came out of one school.
"They were your close friends, weren't they?" Trina pries.
Jade instructs herself to release the tension in her shoulders as those words, "I knew them. We weren't that close. Well, besides for Cat, obviously, who designed most of the costumes for Jawbreaker."
The rest of the interview passes in a blur. She laughs on cue, shares a few funny stories, and sighs in relief when she can finally leave. Damn her agent for always pressing her to maintain a good image with the press.
She makes it back to the hotel she's staying at and is just about to collapse on the bed when her phone rings. She doesn't recognise the caller ID, but a feeling inside prompts her to answer it.
"Hello," she voices nervously.
For a beat, there's silence. Then an all to family voice growls, "Never really friends, huh?" causing goosebumps to appear on Jade's arms.
"How did you get my number, Beck?" she gulps.
"Your agent. Doesn't matter. How could you say that? We were more than friends, Jade. You were my everything. I can't believe you can act like I never meant anything to you at all," Beck rages. He's breathing heavily over the phone and Jade can practically feel his anger burning through the line.
"I-I…" Jade hates that she's stuttering like some pathetic love-struck fan, but she can hardly get a grip on herself.
"I want to see you. Where are you staying?" Beck enquires, some of the harshness leaving his tone.
Jade can't even recall giving him her hotel name and room number, and just as she's starting to convince herself it's all a dream, a knock on the door snaps her back to reality.
She opens it slowly only to come face to face with the man who had both owned and destroyed her heart.
He has his hair tied back, but besides that, he looks almost identical to his 18-year-old self. Jade can feel her breath hitch as she stares into those all too familiar brown eyes.
"You still drink it black with two sugars?" Beck says in wake of a hello, offering up a large cup of coffee.
She knocks the coffee out of his hands (which she's sure she'll receive a nice little bill for later), grabs Beck's face and slams his mouth to hers. They're kissing with such vigour and passion it's like they need each other's lips to breathe air. Beck doesn't hesitate to deepen the kiss, and as his tongue explores her mouth, he edges them closer to the bed until they topple back on top of it.
Clothes get discarded beside them and Jade lets out a scream when Beck finally enters her. The scream is of pleasure and pain and fulfilment and a thousand other unsaid things, but Beck seems to understand because he moans loudly in response.
She lets out a sob as she comes down from her high and Beck isn't far behind her. When they're finished, they clutch at each other as if they're scared one of them will vanish into thin air. Jade can't bring herself to open her eyes, but slightly panting, she forces herself to ask,
"Why are you here, Beck?"
Beck is breathing as heavily as her. He gulps deeply and presses his fingers firmly into her side.
"I miss you. I've missed you every day since we broke up. And I've tried to get over you. I've tried to date other girls, but in the end it's only you I want."
Jade stiffens in his arms but finally snaps her eyes open. Beck was laying inches from her face as his eyes were already open starting at her face with intensity.
"How can you say that to me? Beck, you and everyone else abandoned me the second we were over. You should have known how much they would crush me. You knew everything about my life."
Beck looks stricken at these words, but then turns defiant. "I didn't realise. I thought you wanted to push me away. Listen, we were both young and stupid and selfish. I know I hurt you, Jade, but you hurt me too. Through all of it though, I never stopped loving you. Tell me you don't feel the same way?" he dared.
Jade blinks furiously as she fights back tears. Beck is unrelenting in his gaze though and continues to pierce her with his solemn, brown eyes.
"I don't think I can do this with you, Beck. I already told you. I've read the stories. Things don't work out for people like me."
This angers Beck and he sits up in the bed, pulling Jade up with him to stare into her blue eyes.
"Jade, those are just make-believe fairy tales. Look at your life. Look at everything you've achieved. You do get a happy ending, Jade. But in the real world, people disappoint you, and I can't promise that I won't hurt you again, but I'll sure as hell try not to."
Jade hates that she's trembling now, but Beck ignores it and cups her face in his hands,
"Give me a chance. Give us a chance," he pleads with her.
It's hard not to feel like a scared little girl again. As much as she wants to say no, to be stubborn and refuse to have feelings or emotions attached to another person, she realises that she's still a human being. She can't deny that she still loves Beck in her heart. Bloody hell, she misses everyone actually. And as unforgiving as the world can be, it's less painful with someone by your side.
Jade bites her lip, her heart beating uncontrollably in her chest, before closing the short distance between them to reconnect their lips in a much gentler kiss.
"Okay. Let's write our own ending," she agrees.
/
Dear Lord, who hurt the girl that wrote this?
JK. Clearly was in an angsty mood back in 2019. Honestly, this was super hard to somehow turn around and leave off on a positive note. Hopefully, the moral of the story came through.
Hope you review and leave me your thoughts. Want more angst? Or should I return to some more light-hearted content?