Maia just about panicked when she saw Lori run to Bilbo around the troll. She would have charged out into the camp without thinking if Fili didn't catch her around the shoulders, pulling her back. "Don't!" he hissed, as she struggled with rapid gasping. Kyle was not far behind her, still trapped in Dwalin's hold, his struggles futile against the dwarf's strength.
What was their baby sister doing out here in a troll camp?
Thorin was the one who hissed at the Dainsons, "If you value their lives, as well as your own, you will stay here and wait until this is over."
"Trust us," Fili whispered in her ear. "We won't let anything happen to them."
As they watched the scene between Bilbo, Lori, and the trolls, Maia was forced to go still in Fili's arms, but her heart kept beating frantically and the young dwarf kept a secure hold on her. She became very aware of muscles from his arms and chest pressed against her from beneath his leather coat, causing her skin to heat up as she felt his heartbeat pound her back along with her own. He was as nervous as she was, but she somehow felt more calmer with his control.
Until what happened next.
They had watched in horror one of the trolls snatched Bilbo into the air, who barely managed to shove Lori out of view, and who would have had his toes roasted over the fire if Kili hadn't jumped out in time. Thorin and Fili had been stricken with horror by Kili's solo act, the leader muttering, "Fool!" along with a string of foul Khuzdul curses under his breath, before ordering the dwarves to ready themselves.
The moment the dwarves tossed Bilbo on top of Kili, Thorin had charged forward first without warning, and was instantly followed by Fili, Dwalin, Balin, and all the dwarves of the Company.
Maia and Kyle watched in awe as the dwarves swerved around them, charging into the camp with battle roars while the two remained crouched in the bushes, ordered strictly by Thorin just seconds prior. Kyle fidgeted to leap forward into the battle, but was held back by Maia's firm grip on his shirt collar, even though she was the only one who was armed.
The trolls were instantly attacked by a swarm of Dwarven weapons, beating and slicing repeatedly into their thick hide. Size didn't matter at this point. Apparently the number of much smaller men with advanced battle techniques outweighed the three enormous trolls' size advantage. It was quite a scene; the dwarves moved so fast that neither Kyle or Maia could keep track of one sword and axe swing to another.
"This is ridiculous!" hissed Kyle. "What are we supposed to do, sit and watch?" They flinched when Bofur hammered the troll's toenail, causing the beast to roar so loud they winced.
"I don't like it anymore than you do," snapped Maia, her anxious heart pounding rapidly as they watched the brutal fight, "but we'll most likely be trampled worse than a herd of bulls before we-"
"Bilbo!" Kyle shouted suddenly, pointing.
In the midst of the fight where Kyle pointed, Bilbo had crouched to the ground near a barrel, keeping his head down from the series of swinging infantry and beefy troll fists. His face was pale with anxiety.
"Get the sacks!" one of the trolls cried. "Put 'em in the sacks!" The ponies were whinnying wildly from their containment. Somewhere on the field, Kili did a major landslide underneath a troll's legs and then tabbed forward.
"Come on, Bilbo! Over here!" shouted Maia, waving him over frantically from the bushes, Kyle yelling with her. "Move! Hurry up!"
Bilbo looked at them. Then at the ponies. Then at the dropped scythe on the ground.
Reading the determined look that crossed his normally twitchy features, Maia recognized it as his Tookish look and then started shaking her head at him in warning. "Bilbo, NO! Don't you dare!"
But the hobbit was determined to finish what he started. He picked up the scythe with both arms, satisfied to have it in his possession, and started dodging through the chaotic battle to reach the pen. He almost got trampled on, but managed to duck easily under the legs like a slinking mouse in a hole. Nobody even noticed him so far, but Maia just hoped he would use that blade to defend himself if a troll attempted to snatch him up again.
Then she spotted Lori peering out of the bushes from across the field, right next to the pony pen, alone.
"We gotta get to Lori!" said Kyle.
"Ya think?" Maia clutched the knife tighter, making a decision. "Okay, I'm gonna go circle around and get Lori. You run back to camp and wait for us."
"The hell I will!" snapped Kyle furiously. "There's no way I'm leaving you and Lori alone! And where did you get that knife anyway?"
"Fili."
Kyle scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Figures," he muttered. He was surprised the dwarves let his sister out here to begin with, after making it quite clear in their opinion that the wilds were no place for a woman. Not that Kyle completely agreed, but even though Maia was tougher than she looked, she was no fighter. "Look, I'm not leaving without both of you!" he argued. "You either deal with it or I'm jumping out there and getting her myself!"
Without warning, she cuffed the side of his head. "You're the biggest idiot on the planet, you know that?" Maia said, angrily.
Kyle rubbed the spot where she hit him, wincing. "Wherever that is!" he retorted. "So are we gonna stand here all night, or get our asses moving?"
Out on the field, a troll picked up a screeching Nori by his axe. The swindler kicked at the troll's face, but when he wasn't released, a small stone hit him across the nose. Ori, who went to rescue his big brother, had whipped out his slingshot and sent another stone smack into the troll's eye, causing the creature to yelp and drop Nori. One hand covering the injured eye, the troll snarled and charged at Ori, who turned tail in panic and ran right into the open hand of another troll with his face trapped first. In that exact moment, they watched with wide-eyes at Dwalin soared headfirst across the boiling pot, rolled onto the ground in his land, and remained crouched over his axes when Thorin suddenly stepped across his back and leapt high into the air, his black sword cutting across the cheek of Ori's captor, who released the captive.
As if worrying for their friends' lives wasn't stressing enough.
"I'm so gonna kill you after this!" said Maia darkly, as she grabbed her brother's wrist and pulled him after her. "Stay close!"
As they crawled through the shrubs, keeping their heads down and mindful of the battle, they flinched when Dwalin knocked three front teeth out of a kneeling troll, after being kneed in the heel by Dori. Maia's heart stopped when Fili was grabbed, but luckily Kili was there to slice at the hand, which released his brother instantly. Thorin was relentless with the fluent movements of his sword, his face twisted into a snarl when he fought. Maia and Kyle had watched Thorin spar with Dwalin and his nephews a few times on the journey, and they knew he was crazy good...but seeing him fight like this for realgave them chills. Him and Dwalin were both warriors in the making.
"Maia!" called Lori, her voice peeping from the bushes. She waved her hand out. "Sparky!"
"Stay back, L!" Kyle called back. "We're coming!"
By the time they finally reached Lori, Bilbo had managed to finally cut the ropes of the pen loose and ponies came charging out of the gate. Bilbo looked triumphant as they finally went...until Maia spotted a troll looking his direction from behind, looking angry as a wildebeest.
Oh, shit!
The troll started toward him.
"BILBO!" screamed Maia, instinctively shoving Kyle and Lori further into the bushes and leapt forward with her brandished knife to reach the hobbit.
Everything happened so fast. Bilbo looked up in surprise as Maia charged forward, not noticing the troll behind him charged at the same time, both human and monster reaching for the hobbit on both ends. Fortunately Maia beat the troll to it, but the race was not victorious. The moment she grabbed Bilbo's wrist was the moment the troll's giant, filthy hand coiled its grip around her body, trapping her arms on either side beneath the constricting grip before she even attempted to raised her knife.
Oh, God! OH, GOD!
She let out a high-pitched scream of fright as she was lifted off high the ground, her booted feet kicking the air helplessly, already finding it hard to breathe under its crushing hold. The troll's flesh stunk worse than elephant skin. Like stinky armpit. She wanted to vomit.
Bilbo was also snatched into the air by surprise, but not before the troll's fist batted away the scythe from his arms as easily as flicking away a toothpick. Bilbo looked toward the blade in shock, before he was picked up around the shoulders by the giant hand, his hairy feet kicking uselessly as he let out a panicked cry. The hobbit was just as helpless as she was.
"OI, Tom! Catch!" the troll's gruff voice announced.
"Wha-No, no, NOOOOO!" Maia howled as her captor tossed across the air like a football. She soared aimless, her hair whipping across her face to blind her vision...until she landed smack into another pair of large, fleshy hands. Almost instantly, her arms and legs were stretched apart in those massive paws, the jerking movement so sudden and painful that she let out a gasping cry. Never once did the knife leave her tight grip, but since her arms were trapped above her head and her fingers were glued around the hilt, she couldn't even use it! She was stretched sideways, both her hands and feet trapped, the nasally troll called Tom giggling sadistically over her.
Oh, my God! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna FREAKING DIE!
When the dwarves reassembled, perhaps preparing to make a dash now that their ponies were loose, Thorin was the first to notice Maia and Bilbo's capture and froze. The dwarves also turned to follow their leader's gaze, shock crossing their faces when seeing their endangered friends.
"Bilbo!" shouted Kili, while Fili shouted in fear, "MAIA!"
"Don't!" Thorin exclaimed, putting a fist across Kili's chest before his nephew would charge. A breathless Fili had to be held back by Dwalin, his blue eyes wild with fear as they focused on Maia.
Maia had to strain her neck to look over her shoulder and saw to her horror that Bilbo was practically in the same position she was in: arms and feet trapped, but his body was spread out in a starlike position, secured on either side by the two other trolls, ready to tear him apart if they so much as stepped back. Bilbo looked like what she felt: face white with a gaping out and wide eyes, etched completely with helpless terror. He was probably wishing he hadn't been disarmed so easily.
"Lie down your arms," roared Bert, on the right side of Bilbo, "or we'll rip theirs off!"
There was a long pause. The dwarves clearly wanted to attack, but were hesitant, their weapons still raised in position. Fili had his twin swords in either hand, his pacing heart clearly growing from his expression: the one that tried to remain calm, but utterly failed. Kili kept anxiously looking back and forth between the trolls, Maia and Bilbo, and his uncle.
Thorin remained still, but his angered expression began to waver.
Maia could hear Bilbo's fearful breathing behind her. She felt the same. She had no idea what was going through Thorin's head. Oh, God, what if he refused to drop the weapons?
Then we would all be eaten.
But then otherwise you and Bilbo would be torn apart!
Neither option sounded good in her mind. But all in all, whatever Thorin decided and whatever happened to her, she desperately prayed that Kyle and Lori wouldn't be stupid enough to jump out of their hiding place like she had been. She didn't know what came over her: a close friend of hers was in danger and she leapt to the rescue without a second thought. Some rescue, she thought bitterly.
If they got out of this alive, she was going to talk to Fili about teaching her more than a few nights of harmless night throwing. Oh, God, seeing his ill look face now in front of her...Oh, Fili. She had no idea how much this affected him. Then again...wouldn't she have felt the same, if it was the other way around?
Finally, the hard resolve in Thorin's eyes gave in to defeat and the dwarf lord reluctantly plunged the blade of his sword into the ground in front of him. At Thorin's gesture, the others started dropping their weapons to the ground, Kili thrusting his sword forward with a growl and Ori his slingshot with more force than necessary.
"All of them!" sneered Tom. Maia yelped as he stretched her harder, practically yanking her arms out of their sockets. She was having trouble breathing. How did she end up in this situation?
"Alright! Alright!" cried Fili, who started disarming all of his weapons at once, which were all twenty or so knives and two mini axes. Everyone who owned their own daggers did the same, including Thorin. Soon it was clear that there was not a weapon left to unsheathe (unless Fili had another knife hidden under his belt somewhere, Maia thought with a tingle).
"Now that's more like it!" said Tom, releasing Maia's legs but still had her arms trapped. With her legs dangling, she gritted her teeth and tried kicking the troll's thick torso hard with all her might, but it barely did any effect. Stupid thick-plated skin! The troll used his free hand to pluck the little knife from her now numb hands between two beefy fingers. "I'll take that!"
"Hey!" yelled Maia, struggling, her upper torso screaming with protest. "Okay, that's totally unfair!"
"Finder's keepers, lovely!" snickered Tom, lifting her so that his ugly, snotty nose loomed dangerously close her own face. "Ooh, you smell tasty!" He licked his chomps. With breath like a gas bomb and sniffles like a runny-nose hog, Maia felt her stomach turn as she turned away and covered her nose with her shoulder, groaning in pure disgust.
"STOP! We did as you said!" yelled Fili, desperately.
"Foul beasts!" spat Dwalin.
"Let them go!" added Oin, along with the others.
"Enough of this!" growled Thorin, glaring at the trolls. "Will you released them now?"
"Not quite yet," said the fat troll, chuckling at his leaned over to smell the top of the hobbit's head. Bilbo ducked his head away from the leering nose, trembling.
"Don your clothes," said Bert the cook, beady eyes narrowing with a glint, "and step into the sacks!"
"They will just be eating us anyway!" cried Dori in disbelief.
"You cheatin', backstabbing..." started Gloin viciously.
The two trolls holding Bilbo started to pull. Bilbo screamed in pain. Maia could hear a creak from the hobbit's body and feel a icy stab of fear.
"Stop it!" she screamed, and dwarves started protesting at once.
"ENOUGH!" bellowed Thorin, making everyone freeze. The authority in the Dwarf King's voice was powerful and overbearing, enough to even shake the core of a giant troll.
"Do as they say," ordered Thorin to his companions, while sending a hateful glare at the trolls, who only grinned in return. Bilbo slumped, still staring at Thorin with a mixture of relief and surprise.
Maia didn't look at the dwarves as they started stripping their clothes, but neither did she want to look at the ugly troll face still looming in front of her, so instead she started searching the forest surroundings for any signs of Kyle and Lori. They were nowhere. Good. If she couldn't see them, then the trolls wouldn't either. What were they going to do? Go for help? But there was no one around from probably fifty miles or more to find help. Gandalf? They could really use the wizard's help right about now!
"That's it...good..." Bert muttered, as he watched all the dwarves strip into their long johns. "Sacks're in the corner! Go on and get one! Move it! Good...ah, ho, that's more like it..."
Turning her head, she watched all the dwarves selected a greasy burlap sack from the pile behind the boiling pot and started stepping into them, holding the edge up their waists.
"Don't ye move," warned Bert, finally releasing Bilbo into the full hold of the fat troll, "or William and Tom here tears your little mates apart!"
"Bert," said Maia aloud, "Tom, and William? Huh."
"You got a problem with the name calling, girly?" said Tom, smelly breath blasting in Maia's face.
"No," Maia choked, inwardly gagging from the stink. Despite the life threatening situation, she found herself saying, "It's just...your names are so...normal."
The cooking troll loomed over them and started tying the strings of the sacks above at the neck level of the dwarves in thick knots. Though Bert's thick body blocked the view, she could hear Dwalin growl, "Get yer hands off me!", Bifur's angry grunts, and Bofur pitching in, "Now couldn't we talk about this for a minute?"
"Tom! Will! Change of plans!" announced Bert. When the troll turned around, he was holding the sacked up Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur, and Nori in both hands upside down as though they were were chicken off the rack. "Tonight, we're cooking dwarf...and dessert," he added, eying Bilbo and Maia.
Maia gulped.
More logs were dropped into the fire, causing embers to bounce. The size of the flames increase. The dwarves who were tied to the troll's all-new roasting spit kept shouting protests, struggling feebly as the spit kept turning the, over the fire. Having been the ones to complain the most, the first chosen dwarves were Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur, Dori, Nori, and Ori, whose arms and legs were trapped under a tangle of ropes.
The sight was both funny and horrifying as Maia watched. Considering how long they have been there, sweating and dehydrated, the fire growing larger, she wondered how long they would be able to take it until they became roasted dwarf.
"Don't bother cooking 'em," said Tom. "Let's just sit on 'em and squash them into jelly."
"They should be sauteed and grilled," said Bert, while turning the spit and sprinkling flecks over the turning dwarves, "with a sprinkle of sage."
"Is this really necessary?" called Dori, spitting out a sage bit.
"Oh, that does sound quite nice," nodded Tom.
Maia lay in a greasy burlap sack in between Oin, Kili, and Fili, who was unfortunately spread out on his stomach near her legs. Thorin was behind them, with Gloin and Bombur next to Kili, and Bilbo in between Bombur and Balin. It's already been hours and niether of them had any luck in freeing themselves. The sacks were rougher than they looked, especially when Bert thought about tying their hands up before tying up the sacks, which all stank to high heaven with a hint of sage. Maia could feel herself sweating and groaned with the fact that this did not help with her hygiene.
For slowwitted trolls, they were definitely cleverer than they looked. That had been the company's mistake.
"You must stop moving!" snapped Kili at Oin, as they continued struggling.
During her struggles, Maia felt her foot kick forward and hit Fili's face. "Ow! Maia!" he grunted.
"Sorry!"
"It's alright. How are you doing over there?" he called. "Any luck?"
"Not even close," groaned Maia. Beneath the sack, her wrists were getting raw from struggling with the knots. "Damn! How does a big guy with big hands manage to tie this so intricately?"
"Big hands, big knots," said Kili, shrugging next to her. "Oh, and I'm sorry that happened!"
"That the troll is an expert at knots? 'Cause believe me, I am, too!"
"No, he meant...for what that monster did to your dress," explained Fili, twisting his body to look at her with remorse. He growled. "The damn filth! He will pay for assaulting you like that."
"Aye, no lass should have to endure such humiliation," Oin added to her left.
"Oh...yeah," Maia said slowly. "Actually, it's not that big of a deal."
"What?" The dwarves stared at her, openmouthed.
"You mean...you weren't embarrassed at all?" said Fili, his cheeks flaming red as he recalling viewing Maia's bare legs in the light. It was hard for her to tell whether it was guilty pleasure or just plain mortification.
Either way, Maia couldn't help a blush of her own, smiling sheepishly. "I was wearing shorts," she explained, shrugging. "I wear stuff like that all the time back in my world. It could have been a lot worse."
When the dwarves had been placed in their sacks and piled in the corner, she and Bilbo were the last to be added. They had forced Bilbo to take off his red coat before Bert tied his hands and stuffed him in a sack, but Tom and William had fun tossing her around like a ball first, hearing her scream and curse as she was flipped in the air back and forth as though she were being swung around by jungle monkeys, terrified that they will drop her. She remembered the dwarves screaming at them to leave her alone, Fili's outraged voice standing out among the others. Her head had been swimming and throbbing with dizziness by the time they stopped; she had been so whined up that she didn't have the strength to move.
Tom had then ripped off her purple skirt with a loud tear. She had gaped with a heartache when she watched her only Shire clothing get tossed into the fire. Yes, she did feel assaulted and very much angry, but nowhere near as horrified as the men in the sacks were. They were yelling and cursing the trolls for taking away Miss Maia's dignity, exposing her modesties like that. Fili screamed in an oath that he will kill them for their perverted acts.
Maia was very touched with the dwarves' protective behavior towards her, and very speechless. Maybe she would have been more humiliated if she hadn't been wearing her jean cutoffs beneath her skirt the whole time, but at least the trolls didn't tear off her blouse, too. Thenit would have been a nightmare. Other than that, she didn't have a problem.
Then, when she had been placed in a burlap and tossed like a sack of potatoes next to Fili, Kili, and Oin, they were lecturing her on getting caught and kept demanding where Kyle and Lori were. She had no idea where they were...and still didn't.
So far, after the past few hours into the night, there hadn't been any sign of her kid brother and sister. Knowing them, however, Kyle and Lori were not the type of kids who just sat back on their hands and waited for the worst to happen. They were planning something. Maia could feel it.
"We should have left you back at camp," said Fili, looking at her in distress. "I'm sorry, Maia."
"Hey, it was my own fault," insisted Maia, trying to cheer him up and sound brave. "I took a risk and got caught. Wasn't exactly one of my proudest moments. And if I was left back at camp, who would have gotten to Kyle and Lori? As far as I'm concerned, they're fine now!"
"Aye, and now you are the one who is in trouble!" groaned Fili. He was definitely berating himself. "I should have known something like this would happen and I should have…."
"Hey, stop! None of us could have known something like this could happen!" protested Maia. "You guys didn't have to surrender your weapons. You could've saved yourselves."
"What? And then leave you and Bilbo to get torn apart?" Kili said. He smiled weakly. "Not a chance."
"We would have never have let that happen," vowed Fili. "We would have kept you safe then, and we are going to keep you safe now. That's a promise."
"I-I really appreciate that...and I would do the same for you...for all of you...but in case you haven't noticed, we're kind of trapped in sacks! We can barely move anyway." Maia felt all choked up at Fili's words. It was the strong tone in his voice that meant every word of what he said, even when it sounded like he used the royal 'we' instead of 'I.' That, and the fear of being eaten by a troll was starting to click. She didn't feel brave like Fili or Kili, or any of the dwarves. She felt like a useless, frightened little girl who starting to add "troll meal" as the brand new cause of death on her list.
Fili shifted with a grunt so that would completely face her, his blue eyes lighting golden from the bomb fire behind him. "Getting stuck in a sack doesn't mean that we won't try...because I certainly won't stop trying."
After staring at him for a long time, she nodded, already feeling more confident. "Then neither will I."
Then the trolls snapped her back to the present. "Never mind the seasoning!" snapped William, who turned the spit with Bert. "We ain't got all night! Dawn ain't far away! Let's get a move on! I don't fancy being turned to stone!"
Behind them, Bilbo froze in his struggling. His eyes widened as he remembered what he read from his books years ago. Trolls turned to stone in daylight. How could he have forgotten? He now knew what he had to do.
"Wait!" he called out, and all three trolls had his attention. Maia twisted her neck to find Bilbo on the other side of the pile. "You are making a terrible mistake!"
Was Bilbo actually trying to stall them? Maia's stomach fluttered nervously, though a part of her was slightly amused. She didn't want the trolls to hurt Bilbo, but she didn't want anyone to be eaten, period. How long would Bilbo's plan work, whatever that was?
"You can't reason with them!" cried Dori from the spit, his face shining red with sweat from the fire. "They're half-wits!"
"Half-wits?" exclaimed Bofur incredulously, also turning on the spit. "What does that make us?"
Bilbo tossed up his lower end and managed to roll to his feet, using Balin as an uplift, which the elder dwarf didn't appreciate. She watched in amusement as he hopped forward. "Uh, I meant with the, uh...with, uh, with the seasoning," said Bilbo.
Bert tilted his head, curiously. "What about the seasoning?"
Bilbo jerked his head at the Company, raising his eyebrows. "Well, have you smelt them? You're going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up!"
The dwarves started protesting at once, and Thorin shouted, "Traitor!" Maia felt Fili wriggle closer at her feet, looking furious. Clearly, the dwarves didn't get that Bilbo was trying to save them...but she kept silent, not willing to risk ruining the act.
"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" demanded William, skeptically.
"Shut up," Bert waved him away and crouched in front of Bilbo with wide-eyed curiosity, "and let the, uh, flurgaburrahobbit talk!"
Maia coughed to cover a laugh. Then...she could have sworn she heard Lori's giggle in a distance...Holy cow, were they here?
Bilbo gave a weak chuckle and stammered, "Uh...the secret to cooking dwarf is, um..." He frowned, trying to think.
"Yes?" urged Bert, growing impatient. "Come on."
"It's uh..."
"Tell us the secret!"
"Y-Yes, I'm telling you!" said Bilbo, almost in exasperation, before straightening up. "The secret is..."
The dwarves looked toward Bilbo, a little worried about what they might hear.
"...to..." Bilbo rolled her eyes at Maia, who had lifted her hand under the bag to try scratching her nose. "...to skinthem first!"
There was a loud uproar among the dwarves. Maia froze, dropping her mouth as Bilbo. When Bilbo turned toward them, seeing the dwarves struggle more frantically, he grimaced. With Maia giving him the 'look,' he realized maybe that wasn't the best way to stall.
Bert was eager to get started. "Tom, get me filleting knife!"
"I'll skin you, you little rat!" roared Gloin from the pile, giving Bilbo his meanest look.
Dwalin pointed at Bilbo while spinning from the spit. "I won't forget that! I won't forget it!"
Maia grimaced. If Bilbo was trying to make friends among the Company, this was definitely not helping with his luck. Even if they managed to escape the trolls, Bilbo would have to worry about the dwarves' wrath next. Seriously, Bilbo? Skin them first?
"Come on, guys..." she tried to say, but her quiet voice frowned in their hollering. Fili was now shifting closer to her, practically overturning himself. What was he-?
"What a load of rubbish!" exclaimed Willian, who was still turning the spit. "I've eaten plenty with their skins on! Scruff them, I say, boots and all!"
Then when Maia looked up toward the small rocky mountain cliff, she saw a gray shape pass through the bushes ob the cliff before disappearing. Gandalf! Her chest swelled with hope...but then plummeted with fear when the troll Tom marched over to them.
"He's right!" he said. "Nothing wrong with a bit a raw dwarf!" He started to reach down, his hand seeming to glide in her direction. Almost instantly, Fili sprang up from his sprawled position and landed across Maia with a heavy "Oof!"
"Okay...wow..." grunted Maia, still winded. He was definitely heavier than he looked.
"Sorry," whispered Fili, and then added with a weak smile, "Not as easy as it looks."
Maia smiled...and then her heart skipped a beat, aware of how close he was. Not that she minded, her inner goddess noted, but why would he….? Oh. It had only taken her another second to realize that he had used his own body to shield her from the troll's view. The tension was there in his body and his breath was near hers when their eyes met. How was it that this dwarf was able to make time stop during the craziest moments? It was so hard to believe...and yet he meant what he said about saying he would protect her. But even when it meant putting himself in danger? Warmth and guilt clutched her heart at once.
Why...? How could he...?
She then blinked and realized all the dwarves were shouting. She glanced over Fili's head and gasped, seeing a whimpering Bombur being lifted from the pile by his feet. Tom grinned. "Nice and crunchy!" he said and, to Maia's horror, opened his mouth.
She was about to scream, when Bilbo beat her to it. "Not...Not that one! He-He's infected!" he yelled over the commotion. It was the first thing that came in his head.
"Huh?" Both Tom and Bombur turned in Bilbo's direction, both their mouths wide open.
"You what?" said William, pausing.
"Yes, he's got worms in his...tubes," Bilbo managed to say, wincing at his own conclusion.
But it worked. Tom let out a sound of disgust and tossed Bombur back on the ground. Unfortunately, the fat dwarf landed right on top of Fili, who was on top of Maia. "OOF! AH!" Fili and Maia let out a strangled choking noise as the cook's Bombur's massive weight knocked the air out of both for the second time in a row. Fili's face pressed against her shoulder, while Kili and Oin protested from Bombur's landing.
Hey, you guys are not the ones who just got crushed! Maia thought with annoyance, as she wheezed for breath. With this pile up, she had to remember to ask Oin to check for any cracked ribs.
Seeing that his plan was working, Bilbo continued hastily, "In...in fact they all have. They're infested with parasites. It's a terrible business. I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't," he added with a pinched face that always made the Dainsons laugh.
You're on a roll, Bilbo Baggins! Maia would have cheered if she could, but apparently nobody else caught up on the memo.
"Parasites?" Oin spoke up in disbelief, straining to hear. "Did he say parasites?"
"He did," nodded Kili, looking absolutely furious as he turned Bilbo's direction. "We don't have PARASITES! YOU have parasites!"
"What are you talking about, laddie?" shouted Balin, while the others echoed him.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Maia growled inwardly and tried to wriggle out from beneath Fili and Bombur, who finally managed to roll off and lessen the weight. They were ruining everything. Even Bilbo seemed to think the same, rolling his eyes at them irritably.
She sighed heavily. Time to take things into her own hands.
"OH!" she cried out, and everyone stopped shouted. She started jerking uncomfortably, feigning pure horror on her face. "UGH! OH, GOD!" Even Bilbo turned around to stare at her.
"What?" said Fili, alarmed at her reaction. "What's wrong?"
"Maia?" Kili choked.
"Lassie?"
"What's wrong, lass?"
"Miss Maia?"
"OH, MY GOD! UGH!" she kept crying out in a loud, distressed voice. She kept squirming her body as though she were in pain, tossing her head for effect. "Oh, the horror! I can feel them! They're EVERYWHERE!"
"What? What she yapping about?" said William, frowning.
"Can't y'all feel it?" Maia twisted around to face the dwarves with wide grey eyes, looking at all of them as though crazed. "They're acting up again! You dwarves, all so tough and resolved! How do y'all do it? I'm so freaking JEALOUS! Acting like they don't even affect y'all! I COULD JUST ABOUT USE THAT TOUGHNESS RIGHT NOW!"
"Miss Dainson?" It was Thorin who spoke, looking startled and confused.
"OH, GOD! The worms, the maggots, the molt...it's too much! They're all parasites...spreading...everywhere...Oh, the HORROR...how can you guys stand them?" She threw her head back as though weakened and let out a phony wail (if her hand was free, she would place it dramatically on her forehead), "They're practically chewing right through your tubes, through MY tubes, infesting yours with mine, parasites eating parasites and it goes on and on and I can't even...UGH!"
They all looked at her like she had gone completely mad. That was the whole point of the act, but the dwarves all looked confused...and frankly a bit scared.
"What's this-We do NOT have parasites, girl!" roared Gloin, after finding his words, and the dwarves shouting again in agreement.
Maia sat up a little to eye at him. "YES, you do!" she said, her distressed tone slightly edged now. She then turned to Fili's gaze, who was the first to realize what she was up to.
Thorin seemed to already figure it out as well, because when he kicked Kili in the head, the dwarves went silent again. Then he looked at Kili and the others in silent communication.
There was a long pause. The confusion transformed to realization, and then they suddenly starting correcting themselves in front of the trolls.
"I've got parasites as big as my arms!" said Oin.
"Mine are the biggest parasites! I've got HUGE parasites!" said Kili loudly.
The trolls looked at each other, conflicted, while the dwarves from the spit also started joining the act.
"We're riddled!" said Nori.
"Yes, I'm riddled!" cried Ori.
"Yes, we are," said Dori, before adding, "Badly."
Bilbo exchanged a satisfied nod at Maia, who winked at the hobbit. Oh, yeah. That's how we roll.
But the big troll, William, didn't look convinced. Instead, he looked grumpier as he marched up to Bilbo. "What would you have us do, then?" he challenged the hobbit, looming above him. "Let them all go?"
Bilbo tilted his head. "Well..." he echoed, hinting with thought that it was not such a bad idea.
William only growled in annoyance. "You think I don't know what you're up to," he accused, prodding the hobbit hard, nearly causing him to stumble over. Everyone quieted at once, realizing the trolls weren't convinced...or at least, this one wasn't. "This little ferret is taking us for fools!"
Bilbo straightened up indignantly, his fear forgotten momentarily. "Ferret?" he exclaimed, looking offended.
"Fools?" echoed Bert.
"Aye," nodded William, before standing over the dwarves. He then looked at Maia and Fili, and pointed at the girl. "And I reckon this little piece of fox meat ain't made of worms and maggots and whatnot!"
"Let's gut her open and test her ourselves!" suggested Tom. Maia paled and Fili growled and shifted further over her protectively, while Kili and Bombur closed in on either side of them. Maia started to shiver, feeling the center of attention.
"Right, let's see if her stomach rains liver or worms," said William, lunging his hand downward.
"NO!" shouted Fili, struggling to remain over her and head-butting the troll's hand. William growled, and batted Fili roughly aside in the face with his big backhand, knocking him out on the ground.
"FILI!" Both Kili and Maia screamed, when he didn't move.
They kept shouting as the troll reached down to snatch her up. Maia shut her eyes.
She had barely been plucked off the ground by those beefy fingers when came a chorus of snap-crackle-popping explosions. All around the trees, little elemental sparklers flew out in multiple directions, startling everyone in sight. Tom yelped and William stepped back, dropping Maia.
"Fire flies?!" cried Bert. "Here!"
"What the hell?" said Maia, staring wide-eyed at the sparklers and fireworks display.
"What's going on?" exclaimed Oin. All the dwarves were watched in both shock and amusement as all the three trolls started leaping or flinching at more lit sparklers kept getting thrown at some other colorful objects were tossed at once from the trees, rolling near the bomb fire...
CRACK! CRACK-CRACK-CRACK-CRACK! The little colored tubes started popping all at once from the ground, causing the trolls to jump, yelp, and roar, looking frantically around for the cause of the little explosions that left sparks and trails of smoke. Apparently, even the dwarves trapped in the spit were not amused.
"They're EVERYWHERE!" screeched Tom.
"PUT 'EM OUT!" yelled William, him and trolls starting to stomp their feet when each explosion was brought up, but only more were thrown out.
It was like watching them dance.
"Is it Gandalf?" said Kili, wide-eyed.
"Nope...Kyle," said Maia, having know instantly whose firecracker display it was. Her little brother did this on the dance floor of the Hoedown Festival, causing everyone to jump and scatter, but never did she picture a bunch of enormous trolls leaping on the toes under Kyle's sparklers. It was such a funny sight that Maia started laughing.
The humor didn't last when William the troll finally had enough. Apparently he had spotted movement from the forest shrubs and then lunged his hand forward, like a cat flipping fish out of the water. There was a startled yelp and William exclaimed, "Gotcha!" before yanking out his prized catch, being no other than Kyle Dainson, who was shouting, "Whoa, whoa, whoa….!"
Maia, Bilbo, and the dwarves started shouting for Kyle at once in alarm, while the boy was held upside by one leg, swinging his fists back and forth as struggled and yelled out a line of curses that were too advanced for his own age. Another thing Maia was going to kill him for...if the trolls didn't beat her to it.
"Lookie what I got here!" sneered William, lifting the upside-down Kyle at face level. "I say we got a rat with fire hands!" His breath blew over Kyle's hair and the boy gagged, slapping a hand over his nose and mouth.
"God––Say what you want, but just don't breathe on me!" choked Kyle, turning his face away. "Dude!"
"He'd make a fine addition on the spit!" Bert said, jabbing Kyle's ribs with a finger, causing him to respond in protest. "But where's the little mouse, I wonder?"
"Ooh, I would like my little mousie back!" agreed Tom with a sickly grin. Then he jeered at Kyle. "I want my mouse back! Where is it, rat?"
"You can kiss my ass, you big dick!" Kyle told him loudly, his face turning red with head rush.
"Stop it, laddie!"
"You're making it worse!"
"Let the boy go!"
The dwarves from the spit started protesting in vain, until Bert grabbed the end of the spit and jerked them, "Shut up, dwarf meat!"
"We ought to get a move on now!" William said, as he also moved at the other end of the spit, while tossing a screaming Kyle to Tom, who circled the display with an unsheathed knife. "Tom, start skinning the 'uman! We're takin' up our time as it is!"
Tom grinning and held up his knife, while Kyle's eyes widened and started waving his arms in front of him, yelling, "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait––!"
"KYLE!" screamed Maia and the Company.
"Then dawn will take you all!"
The deep bellow of Gandalf's voice echoed around them.
Looking up, standing high on the rocky hill above them, perched on a cragged boulder, stood Gandalf the Grey. The skylight outlining his figure, the wizard looked high and mighty with his robes and beard brushing from the breeze, his staff held high in warning. His presence sent vibrations through Maia's spine, as it always did during his arrivals.
She then noticed that the sky was no longer dark, but showing the first signs of late dawn. Had it really been all night?
"Who's that?" said William, pausing with the spit.
"No idea!" echoed Bert.
"Can we eat 'im too?" asked Tom, who paused within inches of carving Kyle's hide.
Then Gandalf raised his staff with both hands and brought it down. There was a loud crack coming from the boulder he stood on, and they watched in awe as the wide perch split cleanly in two. The heavy beams of the golden sunrise revealed itself and blinded everyone.
Not only did it blind the trolls; once the sun hit their skin, there came an instant sizzling noise, like raw filet mignon hitting the grill. The trolls started screeching as they held up their arms in the futile attempts to block the sunlight burning their skin. Tom had dropped Kyle, who landed unceremoniously on the ground, but watched in astonishment as the troll's hide sizzled...but started crumpling and flecking in gray stone, the smoke actually trailing from their scorches. The trolls kept struggling to move, but the stone had spread from their feet, their arms, and across their faces, even glazing their eyes and beastly noise.
With a final crumpling shifting jerk in their positions, the trolls finally froze. They were statues. Statues.
Kyle, who still lay on the ground, stared up at the stone troll above him with a pale face, etched with disbelief. "Hot damn!" he managed to say.
Finally, after recovering from their shock, smiles appeared on the dwarves' faces and they all started cheering for Gandalf, despite still being stuck in their sacks. Even Thorin began to smile. Maia thought it was a nice sight.
"Yay, Gandalf and Sparky!" she could hear Lori call out in happiness, as the little girl ran out from the trees until she knelt to the ground next to Kyle with her teddy bear and hugged her brother. "We did it!"
When seeing Fili finally stirring at her feet, groaning as he regained consciousness and then at Bilbo, who still staring toward Gandalf with awe, Maia let her head fall back in relief. "Thank God!" she gasped.
Everyone was as happy to be alive as the warm breaking of day shining like gold upon their faces.
Well...almost everyone.
"Oh, get your foot out of my back!" yelled Dwalin with a growl, as he still struggled on the spit. "Would someone mind GETTING US OUTTA HERE?"
Kyle and Lori looked up at the dwarves on the spit. "Just a minute," Kyle told them with a mischievous smile. "One more thing." He then pulled Maia's digital camera out of his pocket and held it in position. "Say 'Arg'!"
There came a flash and the dwarves from the spitting started shouting and growling at him as they struggled.
It was all Maia could do not to laugh.