A/N: Serana isn't stupid. She doesn't need the PC to be all, "Derpy derp, but what about your blood?" C'mon, now.
The trip to Castle Volkihar is uneventful, save a few wolves and frost wraiths. The closer they get to the castle, the quieter Serana becomes. Destra wants to say something to ease the other woman's tension, but she is unable to conjure the words. They arrive at the small dock they first used to cross the sea almost two months prior. Serana stops.
"Is everything alright?" Destra asks.
"Just… what if she isn't there?" Serana says.
"Then I'm sure we'll find a clue. I doubt she'll have simply vanished." Serana hums. "But that's not what's bothering you." It's more a statement than a question.
"What if she is there?" Serana whispers. Destra steps toward her. "I have so many things I want to say to her, but I have no idea where to begin."
"Start from the beginning. Tell her how she's made you feel all these years," Destra says. She knows that's where Lucia should begin, if she ever has the chance.
"I'm not sure I even know how she's made me feel."
"Then we'll play it by ear," Destra grins. "And I'll be with you the whole time."
Serana is quiet for a moment. Then she pulls Destra into a hug and whispers "thank you."
They land on the shore of Castle Volkihar without drawing any attention. After dispatching of a few wandering skeletons, the two women arrive at the entrance of the undercroft Serana mentioned. The hallway before them is damp and dank, and a few skeevers scuttle about in the muck.
"Friends of yours?" Destra says. Serana chuckles and rolls her eyes.
A few more winding hallways, some skeletons, and a handful of gargoyles later, they arrive in what appears to be a dead end. The dusty room has little more than a few broken pieces of furniture and a fireplace that looks as though it hasn't been used in centuries. Destra searches the room, knocking the backs of bookcases and sniffing the air. She hisses out an exasperated sigh.
Serana walks over to the fireplace and turns one of the sconces. The fireplace clicks and swings away from the rest of the wall. Destra shoots Serana a look of equal parts annoyance and relief. Serana smiles and shrugs. A few more rooms and skeletons later, the pair climbs a staircase to the courtyard.
"Looks like we've made it - oh no," Serana says as they walk further in. All around them, spreads of dead flowers and trees flutter in the wind. At the centre of the yard is a large dial circumscribed by plaques made of crystal.
"I guess no one has been through here in awhile," Destra returns. She follows Serana up a short flight to a set of large doors. When she tries them, they refuse to give.
"Looks like my father sealed this place up too. I used to take strolls here after evening meals. It was so beautiful once." Destra walks over to a small plot fenced off on the side of the yard. Serana joins her.
"This was my mother's garden. I'd spend hours helping her. Do you know how beautiful something can be when it's tended to by a master for hundreds of years? She would've hated to see it like this," Serana laments.
"I'm sorry, Serana," Destra offers. The vampire sighs.
"So am I," she says. "Wait, what's that?" Destra follows her gaze to a small, mud-covered lump a few feet away and picks up the object. It's one of the plaques from the dial. They walk back over to it.
"More of the crests are missing, and the moondial is askew. I didn't even know the crests could be removed. My mother must have done this."
They scour the courtyard for the remaining crests. It takes a few minutes, but finally they replace the last one. The moondial shifts to reveal a staircase hidden beneath.
"Very clever, Mother," Serana mutters, "very clever."
"Any idea what's down there?" Destra says.
"No, but I bet it runs right under the courtyard and into the tower ruins."
"More tunnels? Just what I wanted to hear."
"At least we're getting closer," Serana smiles. "Come on."
Serana leads them down the staircase. As they walk, Destra asks what happened to the courtyard. Serana tells her that Harkon must have gone on a rampage the moment Valerica fled, destroying anything that reminded him of her. Maybe if he'd spent more time with them, he would have recognised the beauty of it all.
Serana looks around as they pass through the dusty but mostly intact rooms. She says that she always assumed this tower was destroyed inside, but then again, her mother kept secrets, even from her. She must have been up to something, something she thought truly dangerous. Which is saying quite a bit, Serana adds as she subconsciously rubs a fang. In one room, they find several gargoyles, one of which is only half-carved.
"Did your mother keep gargoyles here?" Destra asks.
"Not that I ever saw. But my mother had a bit of a thing for magical constructs," Serana says. Destra looks at her with mirth. "Not… not what you're thinking. She just found them fascinating," Serana hastily corrects.
"Whatever you say. I, for one, cannot wait to meet this Valerica," Destra glibs. Serana punches her in the shoulder, despite the grin that crosses her lips.
Finally, they reach the top of a long staircase. Inside is an enormous laboratory. Shelf upon shelf of tomes and various alchemical ingredients line the walls, and a balcony oversees a large indented circle at the centre of the room.
"So this is Mother's real laboratory. I knew she was deep into necromancy, I mean she taught me everything I know, but I had no idea she had a set-up like this," Serana reveres. "She must have spent years collecting these components. And I didn't even know it was here."
Destra approaches the circle in the floor. Several sets of concentric rings dip to form a staircase of sorts. She walks around it, studying the runes that dot the outermost ring. Serana steps beside her.
"It's a portal, I think. Although I'm not sure how it's activated. Or where it goes," Destra says.
"Knowing my mother, she probably left detailed notes on it," Serana offers. "Let's look around." After several shelves and a lot of cobwebs, Destra brings Serana a small leather journal. Serana thumbs through it. "The Soul Cairn, huh?"
"What's that?"
"I only know what she told me. The theory goes that the souls in soul gems don't just disappear when they're used up. They're banished to a plain known as the Soul Cairn. It's home to very powerful beings that advance a necromancer's power in exchange for souls. My mother spent a lot of time trying to contact them directly, according to her notes."
"Do you think that's where she went? To this Soul Cairn?" Destra asks.
"Seems as likely as anything at this point. It certainly qualifies as a place my father can't reach her. This must be the portal, then. There's a formula that should allow us to activate the runes. The ingredients will be here, in the laboratory," Serana says. Together, they gather the necessary reagents, and Serana adds them to a large stone basin on the balcony.
"Right, now there's one last thing," she says as she draws her dagger. "The journal says we need a sample of her blood, but I'm the best we've got. I hope this works." Serana cuts her hand and squeezes a few drops of blood into the basin. The portal quakes and explodes in a deep shade of purple light. The rings shift one at a time to confirm Destra's theory that they are a staircase. The centre of the circle disappears, and a window to a glowing void takes its place.
"By the blood of the ancestors, I can't believe it. She really did it - a portal to the Soul Cairn," Serana marvels. Destra takes a step down toward the centre. A bolt of energy flourishes from the void and strikes her back.
"Are you alright?" Serana says as she rushes to help Destra to her feet.
"Yeah, I'm okay. What was that?" she returns.
"Now that I think about it, I should have expected that," Serana says sheepishly. "Sorry. It's hard to describe. The Soul Cairn is, well, hungry, for lack of a better word. It's trying to take your life essence as payment."
"So there's no way for me to get through? Alive, I mean." Serana rubs her chin in thought for a moment.
"Well, there might be," she says, "but I don't think you're going to like it."
"I don't like it already," Destra says.
"There are two ways I can think of. The first is for me to soul trap you-"
"I thought we were trying not to kill me."
"It would just be partially! It wouldn't kill you, and it might be enough to satisfy the Ideal Masters - the, uh, controllers, we'll say, of the Soul Cairn. But you'd be much weaker inside the Cairn itself," Serana says.
"That… doesn't sound ideal. No pun intended. But I've dealt with worse," Destra returns.
"Well, the other part is that," Serana exhales, "The Ideal Masters will have first claim to your soul when you do die. The part of your soul that you keep is… promised to them, so to speak. Not even Hircine could claim your soul before them."
"So when I die, my soul is bound to the Soul Cairn. Forever?" Serana nods. "And the other option?"
"Vampires aren't counted among the living. We can pass freely. I could turn you," Serana says quietly. Destra hears her anyway.
"No. Meaning no offence to you, Serana, but no. I can't be one of you. It would mean giving up the Blood. And I joined the Dawnguard to stop vampires, not become one," Destra says. Serana's face betrays no emotion despite the twist she feels in her stomach.
"I know, I'm sorry. I wish there was an easier choice for you." Destra lets out a long sigh.
"So my choices are to give up the Beastblood and become the thing I started this whole mess fighting, or guarantee myself that when I die, I'll never see anyone I've ever loved again and spend eternity in what sounds like a worse fate than most plains of Oblivion." Serana doesn't understand the choice words Destra mutters in Bosmeris, but she can guess what they mean.
"Just know, whatever you choose, I won't think less of you," Serana says earnestly. Destra stares into the chasm, her jaw clenched. "You could just stay here. I can go get the scroll myself."
"No. I promised I'd be there for you when you faced Valerica. And we have no idea what's on the other side. I'll not leave you to deal with it on your own. We do this together," Destra resolves. "Just… give me a moment."
"Of course," Serana says. She squeezes Destra's shoulder before walking to another part of the laboratory, leaving the elven woman alone with her thoughts.
Destra is fifty-six years old. She knows she won't live forever. She must now decide if this remains true.
A/N: I always found the Soul Cairn "dilemma" a little weak. Even if you don't reclaim the rest of your soul in the Cairn, which you totally can, you aren't that weak, and it's only in the Cairn. And if you become a vampire instead, you have to cure yourself to proceed with the Dawnguard questline anyway. It sort of takes the RP choice factor out in my opinion. So I now present the Soul Cairn Dilemma 2: this time with consequences.