Pansy First Person POV

Nothing had happened to me and barely anyone had said anything either. There were rude looks and whispers accompanied by giggling behind my back but luckily enough my mean-streak reputation had inspired in people enough fear that no one approached me. The downside was that I had still yet to make any friends. Phae was in three of my classes and Granger was unsurprisingly in all of them. I had expected this dilemma knowing we would both be attempting to meet the same requirements this year. But despite my preparations I still held my breath as I walked through the door to each class just in case Granger heard me, turned her head, and saw me. Granger always sat in the first row which was originally where I always liked to sit, but in this case I figured it best to avoid the seats next to Granger, or just avoid seeing her all together. I was sure she had seen me though. I mean she had to have noticed me. But she never gave any indication to recognizing me. At one point I had contemplated just standing up in class and screaming at her. It was unbearable, her ignoring me, at least if she had said something, anything even if it was harsh, I would know what she was thinking. But she never spoke, never looked my way, and didn't even flinch when I answered a question in class.

For potions today I slide into her usual seat in the back. Phae had made it a habit of sitting next to me, which somehow managed to make potions even worse. It wasn't that Phae was awful or terrible or mean or even too talkative. It was just that when she did speak it's with that familiar tint of an emotion and a state she would rather never hear again. My father speaks like her and so does my mother. At one point in sixth year I had heard the same thing in Draco's voice. But he had lost it almost as soon as his voice had adapted this unknown quality and when he did I stayed up all night crying from relief. A fellow Slytherin had asked why I was upset and I had screamed at her to go fuck herself I won't do it for you in exchange for your pity. She had felt bad after saying it but what else could she say? There wasn't really an explanation for what she saw in Phae or briefly in Draco. It was just as if she saw in them the possibility of something unknown. With most people you can imagine their futures, you can think of what they might become, but with Phae it was like there was nothing in that future; just an abyss where I could pour all my imaginings about her, but I knew nothing would ever come of it. I try to avoid speaking to Phae or even seeing her and for the large part I manage to succeed. It helps being in different houses. But at moments where I pass her in the hallway, or when Phae walks with me after class I have to remind myself to breathe and move and blink. It's as if I'm back in Hogwarts the day of the battle, walking through empty corridors approaching where I know I will see the bodies. It's that sensation of dread I feel in Phae's presence. Phae's friend Rowena on the other hand, I had barely seen. And in the instances where I do happen to catch a glimpse of her it's like I'm looking at nothing at all. I asked Phae once if Rowena was sick but she had just stared at me. It was the one time I ever had seen her startled.

"Parkinson!" I snap out of my thoughts and stare at Professor Slughorn blankly. "Thoughts you want to share?"

"No."I bite my lip. I've never liked Slughorn and to a large degree I'm surprised any of the students did. He just seems creepy.

"No what?"

"No I don't want to share my thoughts."

Rowena snickers next to me.

"An apology would be acceptable Pansy." He taps his foot.

I stare back at him. This man is the worst kind of the supposed good guys Hogwarts pretends to have. A man who claims to be perfectly open-minded while at the same time doing it all his way and never listening to anyone else. You can't claim to not be prejudiced if you follow up that argument with I love muggle-borns.

"Pansy!"

"What?" I sneer.

"Apologize."

"You didn't say it was required."

Slughorn simply glares at me. "You're lucky I don't throw you out of this class this instant."

"And you're lucky I don't report your creepy little club." A few in the class gasp under their breaths. Spare me. I think. This man is the last anyone should be outraged for.

"That's enough!" Partner with Granger on this assignment. Maybe she can teach you a few things about morals Miss Parkinson."

At this statement the whole class giggles. Phae remains stoic and for once I feel a rush of gratitude for the girl.

"I don't think…" I begin.

"Now!" I sweep my books off my desk and walk as slowly as I can towards the front. Fuck. .

"This isn't a good idea." I speak through gritted teeth to Slughorn.

"Nonsense. Miss Granger is perfectly capable of dealing with you." The class laughs at this one and despite my best efforts I blush.

Finally I stop in front of Granger who shows no sign of realizing someone is standing behind her. Either she completely hates me or it's a miracle she ever survived her adventure with Potter.

I remain awkwardly standing while Slughorn explains the assignment, not listening at all to his words and just staring dumbly at the back of Granger's head.

"Get to it!" Slughorn finishes with a wave of his hand.

I glance hesitantly at Hermione. Her fist is tensed in a ball on the desk and she is visibly leaning away from me. I sit down in my chair and slide my seat away from hers. The scraping noise causes two slytherin boys to look over at us and giggle.

"I see nothing has changed with you." She speaks enunciating the words clearly.

I blink repeatedly at her.

She reaches across my arm and as her hand brushes the fabric on her sweater I jump. She snatches the parchment quickly out from under me and rolls her eyes.

"What are you so jumpy about?" She says sarcastically.

I stares at her for a few moments and she raises her eyebrows in response to my blank stare. But I can't think of a single thing to say to her. All that practicing and imagining and I thought it would be differently. I thought she wouldn't pretend that nothing had ever happened between us, like I hadn't offered Potter up. I could apologize, I could beg her, I knew I had that eloquently prepared. But I had no clue how to have a normal conversation with her. She looks annoyed at my incapacity to speak, and glances at my notebooks.

"You clearly are capable of taking fine notes. Surely you're capable of speaking your thoughts as well as writing them." .

"I can ask to switch partners if you want." I finally breathe out.

"What?"

"You know, like….I can explain everything."

"Explain what?"

"You just don't have to be stuck with me okay." I snap and stands up.

"Sit back down!" She grabs her sweater and pull her into her seat. The boys from slytherin snicker again and this time they are joined by two gryffindors. "Do you make it a goal to be as distracting as possible when you work?"

I sit straight up in her seat. "So you don't want to switch?"

"Of course I do."

"Oh." I feel myself blush underneath my collar.

"But everyone else in this class is a fifth year."

"Oh." I repeat.

"Turn to page 65."

But I'm still focused on her saying she doesn't want to switch so instead of opening the book I just let out another "oh."

"For merlins sake!" She reaches over her again and grab the book. "Weren't you a prefect! Aren't you supposed to be somewhat capable!"

I come to my senses and snatch the book back from me her. "Sorry. I'm fine."

But I'm not fine, and as we work in silence for a few moments all I can think about is how not fine any of this is.

"You don't hate me?" I speak the words under my breath, careful so that the boys behind us don't hear.

"I don't care enough to Pansy." The words strike me and I feel a flush again but this time it's from anger, from her ability to have already move on from all this while all I've been able to do is think about how to make sure I don't have to relive it. All my planning and she couldn't even fucking care enough about me to think what she would say in response to an apology.

But before I can give some snarky reply she speaks again.

"Honestly I was surprised to see you back here. I know a few of slytherin parents wouldn't let their kids come back."

"And you just assumed my family was one of those? Aren't you supposed to be all peace and love or whatever?"

She looks steadily at me. "I was going to say that I was impressed with you coming back here. I can admire dedication to one's studies."

I"m silent, unsure of what to say.

"But that's the only compliment I'm ever going to give you," it's the first harsh thing she's truly said to me and my lungs burn slightly waiting for another but it doesn't come. Instead she continues, "I'm impressed with your coming back, make it worth something and actually try these next few weeks."

"Few weeks?" I question her incredulously.

She sighs and rolls her eyes. "See that's what I'm talking about, if you had paid any attention at all you would know that we've been assigned this round of partners for the rest of the semester."

"And you're fine with that?" I say angrily.

"I don't know what you're so annoyed about, if anything I should be annoyed with you."

"I had a partner…" I mumble.

"You mean Phae?" Granger asks. "You hate her."

"How the hell would you know?"

"Don't take me for an idiot Parkinson." She says sarcastically. "I've noticed how you interact with her."

"Didn't realize you noticed me at all."

She's quiet at this and I allow myself a small smile. "So you care enough to notice I'm here."

"It's relatively impossible not to notice a physical body in a room." She retorts but I just smirk.

"Anyways," she says, "you should stay away from Phae."

"Why?" But somehow I feel like I know the answer. Dangerous.

But Granger doesn't give any response just leafs through the book. I figure she's reached the end of helping me.

"Let's just get this assignment done." She mumbles.