Hermione POV
I meet Pansy in the astronomy tower that evening for our study session. For whatever reason (though the reason we keep telling ourselves is that we work well together) we have decided to expand our interactions outside of just the classroom. The truth is, that I actually find myself quite fond of Pansy in moments that both she and I are off guard.
"Hey." I smile as I see Pansy exit the stairs.
"Merlin, you'd think they'd put in a fucking elevator or something. I mean we're magic, is electricity really beyond us?" She groans.
I stare at her blankly, "that's the most astute muggle thing I've ever heard you say. I'm surprised you even know what an elevator is." I say the last part as a soft tease and she simply shrugs.
"Pure bloods don't live underground. I have a fair idea of how the world works." She smiles.
We walk over an sit on one of the stone benches.
"What is it like?" I ask her. "Living with a pure blood family?" I don't know if I should have spoken the question or not, but there is something to this section of the wizarding world that I've never quite got. Unlike most students at Hogwarts I've never had a true sense of belonging, here or at home, in either one I still belong to a different world. At home, when I was younger I was called a freak, here it was impure or worse things.
"Oh umm. I don't know it seems completely normal to me. I just kind of assume everyone lives like we do as bad as it sounds. I don't know much about the muggle world."
"You'd like it." The words slip out of my mouth and I half expect Pansy to stand up and scream at me or taunt me with some slur but she just remains sitting.
"What makes you think that?"
"I dunno." I press my hands into the pockets of my robes. "Just intuition." I still can't read her reaction.
"Well can your intuition help us finish this project?" She smiles slightly.
I smile but I'm hesitant. She's moved on quickly but part of me wants to press the issue. Not the issue of me being a muggle born but the issue of her being prejudiced against them. With each day I grow to like Pansy there also grows a desire to move on from our past together, to become those kids walking into the great hall again. I stupidly ran off when she had mentioned that, but now all I wanted was to go back to that night, and then back to whatever moment it all went wrong.
For some reason Pansy intrigues me. For some reason I hope I intrigue her.
"I hate astronomy." Pansy mumbles next to me scribbling in her notes. "It's far too much like divination."
I laugh at this. "Remember Trelawney?"
"What?" Pansy smirks. "Does she not work here anymore?"
"Left after the battle. I think it was all a little too much for her."
"Thank whatever god you muggles have." Pansy says the words in a slight drawl and I can tell she is joking. I laugh and again and realize it's the first time Pansy has said any joke about muggles that I've actually laughed at, that was meant for me instead of against me.
The next day, as I finish handing in my astronomy assignment and receive what I believe to be a genuine smile from Pansy I decide I need to tell her, to warn her. I pull her aside after class and tell me to meet me near the weeping willow, where I now stand waiting for her arrival. It's important, I said to her, it's about that girl Phae.
I'm sure if questioned, both Ron and Harry would admit to not even recognizing Phae's name. Honestly, until sixth year I didn't know who she was either. I hadn't ever paid too much attention to the students in years below me, especially those in other houses. To a large degree I assumed my lack of knowledge about other students was a byproduct of my friendship with Harry and Ron. We were our own group, our own family. I miss them both each day and each day I worry I'll never get the chance to stop missing them. Ron hasn't spoken to me since I broke it off with him, even though he claimed to be fine with my leaving him. It wasn't that I didn't love him or care for him, in fact I still do love him, probably more than anyone else. Somehow Harry had always seemed a bit separate from us, but Ron and I had each other to go through everything with. It was just that, well, once we stop going through things we stopped needing each other as much. Harry still writes to me everyday, but I just worry that because of what's happened between me and Ron, nothing will ever be the same between us three.
But both of their absences have contributed to my newfound awareness of other students. I only knew Phae from my sixth year when her year had their O.W.L.S published. She hadn't outscored me on my best subjects of course, but she had nearly matched all my scores evenly, even surpassing me in two of my worst exams, and was by far the top in her class. I asked Mcgonagall about her once and she had simply glanced up at me very hesitantly and said that she had nothing to say on the matter of the girl. I had since found that a strange reaction, and even stranger that Mcgonagall or my professors had never mentioned anything about the girl before. I supposed that maybe she had found away to cheat on her exams but when I (in retrospect most deviously) used Harry's invisibility cloak to follow her and watch her in her classes I found no evidence of anything but an exceptionally bright student. After her O.W.L.'s she of course became the pride and joy of Ravenclaw, a prefect and captain of their Quidditch team. Now here she was, back for her seventh year at the same time I was back for mine.
"You seem distracted." I turn around and see Pansy pacing over towards me. She looks so different this year, as if there is some delicacy in her actions, as if she's constantly waiting for people to break.
"Just waiting." I respond. Pansy pulls her usual pursed lips expression and I it makes me blush slightly that I can recognize it as her expression of concentration. I need to stop spending so much time with her, I think to myself. Though, then again each time I think I should avoid Pansy or say something awful to her, I can't. The thing is, she hasn't done anything that quite deserves my hatred this year, though her reservations are annoying. I wish she had made things simple, that I could just hate her and think of her as Parkinson from the years before the battle.
"Are you okay?" And her question stuns me back into the realization that she is not that girl.
"Yes. Sorry." I smile at her though I'm sure she can tell it's forced.
"Why'd you bring me here?" She crosses her arms.
"I need to take you to someone," I say, "But I didn't want anyone to see us going from the castle."
"If you're thinking of dragging me to the shrieking shack I will hex you Granger."
I narrow my eyes, "how did you..."
"Snape showed me one day." She shrugs.
I blink, somewhat baffled as to why she would have been shown this. "Why?"
But instead of answering she just sighs. "Just let's get this done with."
I turn on my heels and hear the leaves crunch behind me as she follows. I half expect her to catch up and walk by my side but she stays behind me.
"So were are we going?" She asks and I feel slightly awkward talking to her like I'm leading a reluctant stranger to some foreign place instead of showing some girl I've known for seven years a very familiar place.
"Hagrid's." Her footsteps stop behind me.
"Um what the hell."
I turn back to her, she has her hands stuffed into her robes. "He fucking hates me."
I roll my eyes, "well you did get him fired."
"That was Draco." She retorts evenly, but I simply scoff.
"You were involved."
"Okay great we're agreed." She throws me a fake smile. "Not going." She starts to go but I jolt out an arm and grab her hand pulling her back.
"Wait!"
Her eyes drop to her hand linked in mine and I quickly pull it away.
"Why are we going?"
"Look Pansy." I groan. "Just trust me."
"Like you trust me." She states sarcastically. "Why should I return the favor?"
"Because I have absolutely no reason to trust you and you have absolutely no reason not to trust me."
She glares at me and doesn't say anything but she steps to my side and continues her walk up the hill.
It's awkward again as we walk in silence, somehow the tension is made even more obvious now that I can see Pansy who keeps flinching as if this walk is physically painful. It pretty much is.
"I hear you made the Quidditch team." I say trying to break the silence.
"Would have been humiliating not to."
We've both just stated facts and nothing of interest so I struggle to continue the conversation.
"What position do you play?"
"Beater."
"Would have been my guess."
She looks at me a little strangely. "Why?"
At this I flush, because that position really wouldn't have been my guess.
"Most people guess that." She says nonchalantly, she doesn't seem to notice my blush.
"Oh why?"
"Same as you," she nods, "you know Beaters are like the pyscho ones on the team, knocking bludgers towards the other players. It's essentially a position where you're supposed to be guided by violence."
I feel slightly bad at her explanation and the fact that I said beater, which was honestly just the first position I thought of.
"You protect your own team too though." I say as we trudge though the damp ground to Hagrid's hut.
She laughs a little though it is without humor. "Yeah but I don't think I strike people as much of a protector."
"My dad taught me how to play." She speaks again quickly as if she is embarrassed of her last statement.
"Pansy," I say slowly. I shouldn't ask but I can't help myself. Out of all the houses I've never had an extended conversation with anyone from Slytherin, especially after the battle and now it seems all I do is wonder about their house. What happened to them that night? What will happen to them because of it?
"What do your parents think of you coming back here?" I ask her.
"Oh." She seems slightly taken aback. "I don't really know." She has stopped looking at me as she talks.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I haven't spoken to them for a while."
"They don't wonder where you are?"
"I doubt it."
I want to ask her more but we've arrived at Hagrid's hut. She opens the door and steps back to allow me to enter through. The act surprises me and I somewhat stumble through Hagrid's doorway.
"Hermione!" Hagrid bellows.
"Hagrid." I smile.
"How've ye been!" He shouts it as more of a statement than a question. "Been a while!"
"We saw each other yesterday Hagrid." But my voice is teasing and he winks at me.
"I know, I just...with Harry and Ron gone. Not much company round here."
"Well," I say and motion to the side. "I brought someone else. You know Pansy?"
Hagrid's smile falters for a moment and I have a split second of worry but he seems to compose himself and extends a hand to Pansy who hesitantly reaches out her own to shake his.
"Well sit down!" He says after he has finished shaking Pansy's hand for what seems like too long a time. "What're here for?"
"Hagrid." I say clenching my fist. "Will you tell Pansy what you told me about that girl, Phae."
"Ohhhh." Hagrid leans back. "That girl's always been trouble, mind you that's what I told Hermione."
"What did she do?" Pansy asks. Her voice sounds cooler than I expect.
"Oh well, ya know when I were teaching my class third year." At this he stops for a moment and glares at Pansy who stares steadily back at him. "These creatures, they're smart and instinctual. They know things." He taps his head. "And some students well they just don't take a liking to 'em."
"You mean like Slytherins." Pansy says and I subconsciously reach my hand to hers though I stop myself before touching her, though she glances sideways at me. I immediately pull my hand back. I don't know why I reached for her in the first place and I clench my palm as if I can conceal the blush spreading across my hands.
"No." Hagrid seems oblivious to the implication of her question. "Ne'er had a specific problem with 'em. Mean course there were those few they didn't like but Phae...that girl was different. Like the creatures sensed just somethin.
"Somethin what?" Pansy leans forward.
Hagrid hesitates before saying the next word, "evil."
Pansy fidgets uncomfortably. "Why bring me here?" She turns to me. "What's the point of telling me this?" She swivels back to Hagrid.
"Hermione here told me ye'r friends with 'er. " He says slowly.
"Well..." I stammer. "I mean...you are right?"
"And what's it to you?" She says coldly to me.
"What?" I say slightly taken aback by her reaction.
"Why the fuck do you care so much?" Her tone is slightly louder than it should be and I open my mouth more in shock than to retort but Hagrid beats me to it anyways.
"I asked myself the same question." He says.
"What?" Pansy turns aggressively to him. "What do you mean by that?"
"Hagrid..." I start, but Hagrid looks like he's about to throw something.
"I mean think about it! Hermione Granger caring about someone like you!"
Pansy stands up. "I've had enough."
"That chair...right where you're sittin." Hagrid says slowly, I watch Pansy glance back. "That's where Hermione sat crying second year because your friend Malfoy called 'er a mudblood."
Pansy looks startled but she doesn't flinch. "Doesn't..." she starts but Hagrid continues.
"And where she came every time after that when you called 'er one." At these words I miss Pansy's reaction because she jolts past me and immediately swings open the door to Hagrid's hut.
"Pansy." I call out, but she disappears out the hut.
I turn to Hagrid who looks apologetic. "I don't trust her Hermione."
"I think I do." My own words surprise me.
"Hermione why? She..."
"I know what she did Hagrid!" I say it slightly louder than I mean to and blush. "I'm sorry." He smiles at me.
"It's just..." I go on. "She's been nice these last few weeks. She's been interesting."
"And that makes up for it all?" Hagrid asks.
"I don't..." I falter. "I...She's said things. I don't know Hagrid."
"Hermione Granger at a loss for words." Hagrid looks at me curiously.
He's right I have nothing to say, for once I have nothing to say. So I leave his house without saying anything and sprint after Pansy.
When I catch up to her she is walking quickly to the castle.
"You shouldn't of fucking brought me there."
Some students on the lawn stare at us as we walk by and I catch their eyes. I'm sure we're a strange pair and a strange sight, Hermione Granger chasing after Pansy Parkinson.
"See you don't listen!" Pansy rolls her eyes.
"Sorry." I say, my gaze tracing back to her. "What did you say?"
"I said I told you that Hagrid didn't like me."
"You were the one who was horrible to him!" I exclaim furiously. "Hagrid was perfectly pleasant."
"Yeah a typical statement from a typical teachers pet."
"Oh shut up Pansy. What are you in first year?"
She glares at me as we weave our way through the students in the hallways.
"I don't understand." I say. "I was trying to help you."
"By having Hagrid judge my only friend here!" Her voice is high pitched and a few students throw us odd looks.
"That." she says "is why I don't like him. He trusts his animals more than people."
"Yeah Phae seems really trustworthy always lurking around with her sketchy friend Rowena." I say sarcastically.
"There it is." She whips to face me. "The distrust of the slytherins. The fucking judgment."
Anger overwhelms me. Who was this girl to talk about judgment?
"Phae is the only person who has ever been nice to me this year."
"I've been nice to you!" I shout. The anger increases. But despite it's grip I know there's something Pansy isn't telling me.
"What the hell is it Pansy?" I go on. "What are you so mad about?"
"You and your constant judgments! I told you! I'm sick of you making my friends out to be horrible people. First Draco now Phae."
"I never said Draco was a horrible person." I say calmly.
"She scoffs and the breath of air seems to breathe into me a resurgence of that previous anger.
"Anyways you're one to talk about judgment. Hagrid was telling the truth."
She pauses her steps for a moment at this and though her pace quickly recovers she doesn't say anything.
"So you're just not going to say anything to that?" I angrily state. "No fucking apology. God, if I were you I would have planned one out."
She stops walking.
I feel my heart quicken and my pulse pounds against the thin flesh on my wrist, I can feel the blood heat my veins.
"But I guess why would you?" My words are cold, devoid of emotion. "Why would you apologise to a mudblood?"
She steps over to me and I immediately take a step back but before I can react she has taken my hands in her own. They are colder than I imagined they would be. I had pictured them soft but always warm, but as her hands wrap around my fingers they cool my own heated fingertips.
"Don't." She says in a tone I don't recognize. "Don't call yourself that."
"What?" I spit at her. "Don't call myself what?" Daring her to say it.
"That." She whispers and stares at the ground next to me as if she can't stand to look in my eyes when I say what I will next.
"Mudblood."
She flinches and I can feel her fingers twitch against mine.
"You had no problem saying it before." I continue cooly.
She drops my hands.
"Oh come on Pansy!" My words are exasperated instead of angry now. "You can't honestly believe that we would have a few study sessions and then everything would be forgotten.
"I don't want to forget everything." Her voice is soft.
"Oh my apologies! I didn't realize those were such great memories for you! Us hating each other!"
"You didn't...we...you always..." She stumbles and I feel slightly bad but not anywhere near enough to stop me from finishing.
"Yeah I was always nice to you Pansy. You could never bring yourself to redo the favor. God forbid a pureblood show any shred of respect for a filthy mudblood."
At the last word Pansy visibly recoils.
"I'm sorry." She whispers.
"It's a little fucking late for that Pansy." I mean to scream the words but they come out quiet instead.
She takes a step away from me.
"I...no...you're right." She drops her head. "You're right."
"Perfect." I have a feeling I should stop now but I don't.
"Go tell Slughorn then."
"What?" She lifts her eyes to me.
"Go tell our professor you don't want to be partnered with a girl underserving of the title witch. That's what you told Snape right, fourth year when we were supposed to be partnered together during potions."
"I was stupid Hermione." Her voice breaks slightly. "I'm sorry."
I don't say anything.
"Can we still be partners?" She stares at the ground.
"Unbelievable." I push past her. "I'll go talk to Slughorn."