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Pansy POV
"So it was about the fucking battle!" I exclaim. "I knew it! I knew it!"
I realize I sound about five years old, but I'm panicking and Hermione can tell. I feel her hands on both my shoulders.
"Shhhh. Pansy we cannot be heard by anyone."
I look into her eyes and for the first time since I've known Hermione, since I've watched her battle the dark lord and dementors and whatever other demons Hogwarts had for her, I see fear.
Hermione lets go of me and presses her fingers to her temple. "Fuck." She whispers and I swear she sounds like she's about to cry.
I hear a crash from down the hall and Hermione visibly jumps. She stiffens, holds herself straight and then brings her palm to her cheek, slapping herself hard.
I lunge forward and grab her hand. "What the hell are you doing?" I hiss at her. "You cannot have a mental breakdown on me now."
But I regret my word choice when I see the tears sliding down her cheeks.
"We're dreaming right, just again. This is just a dream like the other times." She says more to herself than to me.
My chest aches slightly and despite our argument from before this whole catastrophe I soften my voice.
"Do you dream about this a lot?"
She looks at me strangely, "Don't you?"
I want to tell her I wasn't here and I'm sorry. I'm sorry but I dream about other things much more real to me. But I don't. After Dennis she doesn't need another reminder of a past me.
"Hey," I say soft again, "We'll get out of here. I swear." And then despite how dumb it sounds I carry on, "I won't let anything happen or well I'll let things happen, but as they were supposed to You know things that didn't already happen, I won't let those….." I stumble for a second until I see the soft smile playing on Hermione's lips. I grab her arm. "I mean I won't let anything happen to you." I smile back at her. "Promise."
My words seem to calm her down and she sighs. "How the fuck are we supposed to get out of here?"
I blink and look around though I doubt the answer is just written on a wall somewhere.
Phae went back and fought.
My eyes widen as I remember Rowena's words in the carriage.
"Wait!" I say to Hermione. "Phae, or well Rowena, she told me that Phae went to fight. If what you said is true and Phae has been using that time turner for a while then she'll have it on her tonight. We just need to steal it from this present day Phae."
Hermione stares at me for a long time and I start to feel self-conscious as if I've just said the dumbest plan even Weasley could have dreamed up but then her face breaks into a smile.
"Pansy!" She exclaims. "That's brilliant!"
I feel myself blush.
"We just have to figure out how to find Phae without being seen." She frowns.
"I can go." I say in a rush. "I wasn't here that night so if someone sees me it's not like they'll be seeing double. It's less likely to impact anything if I get caught. You were more important than me that night."
Hermione opens her mouth to either agree or protest but I add in,
"Anyways, I can just pretend I came back on the dark lord's side."
She glares at me and I think it's for my use of the dark lord which I inwardly curse myself for.
"No." Hermione says firmly.
"Sorry?" I cross my arms.
"Pansy," Hermione sighs, "if you get caught you can't pretend you're back to fight for Voldemort. Once we get back to the present day you'll be in prison."
"Well what am I supposed to say?" I throw my hands up. "Hi just taking a midnight stroll through the castle!"
Hermione rolls her eyes at me. "We don't have time to argue but I am not having you arrested when we get back."
She reaches for my hand.
"We don't even know if I will get caught." I hiss. "Anyways what do you care? You were more than happy to believe everything Dennis was saying about me, that I'm evil remember."
Hermione avoids what I'm saying. "Say you came back to fight for us." She says firmly.
"As if anyone would believe that. As if you would even believe that if I ran into you." I sneer.
Hermione stares at me hard. "Pansy you've changed. But what am I supposed to react like when I hear you've used the cruciatus curse on first years!"
My chest explodes and I step back as if slapped.
"You don't know a fucking thing about that year. Last time I checked you were on holiday with Potter."
"Last time I checked," Hermione seems more on edge than I've ever seen her. "You were about to give us over to the dark lord." She mimics my voice on the last three words.
I look away, anywhere but her. I step away, anywhere but her.
"Fine." I can hear how pathetic my own voice sounds.
"Pansy, I…." Hermione's voice sounds meek now. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm scared, I…."
"You're scared!" I scream at her, and I notice her desperately looking around to see if anyone has heard us. "I'm the one who's scared tonight! I'm the one who…" But I stop mid-sentence and before I can stop myself I'm walking away from her. She doesn't try to stop me, only calls after me.
"Pansy!"
I look at her with tears threatening to spill over the edges of my eyes.
"Pansy, don't go." She sounds scared again. "That's what Phae wants. She wants you to try and change things."
I glare at her and when I speak my voice is absolute steel.
"So do you apparently."
I flick my wand and disapparate, leaving Hermione's cries behind me. I'm going there, I think. I'm going to the great hall. If Hermione can't forgive me, I'll make it so she never has to.
Hermione POV
Pansy disappears and I'm left standing behind the knight statue alone. Fuck. She's gone to the great hall, she's going back to change things. As much as I want to forgive Pansy, it seems like there's new information each day that stops me. From the day I walked past Pansy on the Hogwarts Express I promised myself I had already forgiven her for the words, for the trying to give Harry over (we were all scared that night), but there are some things that can't be so easily forgive. I remember our defense lesson fourth year, the unforgivable curses, and hear my own voice - "named so because the use of them is unforgivable." But did I really believe that? Harry had used one, and though I had never I had wiped my own parent's memories. Surely that curse could as well be counted. Though I managed to return those memories later, I still had nightmares of me searching, never finding. But to use those types of spells on first years….could I forgive that? Whether or not I can or will be able to is a question I have to push in the back of my mind however. Pansy is gone and despite her desire to change the past, I know she cannot do so without forever marking the future. On the nights I don't dream of my parents, I dream of this battle, of returning here and not succeeding, of returning here and having things change. I can't live in a dream that becomes a reality. So I move to pull out my wand to follow Pansy, but as I attempt to reach my pocket I find that I have once again become frozen as in the Ravenclaw's common room. Dread hits me with the force of stone.
"Granger." Phae steps out from the other side of the marble statue. "I thought I told you two to work together."
I clench my teeth. "For that I need to find her. Let me go." I say the words boldly despite my own fear.
But Phae simply giggles. "But I haven't even begun to tell you everything."
I feel the desire to lunge at her, but in my frozen state the best I can do is glare.
"Oh come on," Phae continues. "Aren't you the least bit curious, intellectual curiosity Hermione, what I'm doing."
She laughs. "The time turner we used to get here," She pulls out the golden one and then stuffs it back in her pocket and smirks. "Your theory was wrong. It's completely normal. I can only go back in time, no special abilities here!" She then dips into the pocket of her black robes pulling out a small silver object, decorated with green emeralds and a white crystal centerpiece with sand. "This one is the special one. This is the one I really use. It allows me to travel through people's memories. So much easier than a normal time turner." She giggles. "It's like a failsafe, you can change whatever you want and you'll never be affected. I can change people's memories, erase them, do whatever I want with them really. It's so much more precise than those obliviate spells don't you think."
She smirks and despite myself I struggle against the spell holding me which only seems to transform her smirk into a full blown grin.
"And the best part," She continues. "Is that I can't be seen. I invented it that way of course." She beams as if she is waiting for me to congratulate her on her achievement.
"Oh come on! Your eyes don't even seem shocked. It's impressive! I spent my life working on it. That's why I keep the gold one around. I've spent years just re-doing days over and over again to give me more time to work on the memory turner." She laughs. "And all you could think to do was take a few extra classes, aren't you supposed to be the bright one."
She begins placing the turner around my neck and I let out a small whimper.
"Oh don't worry." She says. "We're not going into your memories. Pansy's will do."
She starts turning the small crystal and whispers an incantation to it, I recognize the words vaguely as Latin though I can't translate it. The only words I know for sure are the ones she says at the end - Pansy Parkinson
My knees buckle beneath me as the floor seems to sink and the walls slide into each other. I scream and despite my own best efforts to stay brave, desperately clutch onto Phae. Suddenly, we're both plunged into darkness. I feel us drift for a few seconds and not even Phae seems able to move, then the colors start up again and whirl into various shapes and figures. I blink rapidly and I hear Phae's voice in my ear,
"Well here we are. In Pansy's memories."
We're standing in a kitchen. The first thing I notice is that the floors are a black polished marble and that the countertops match that exact shade, even the windows seem dark though the curtains flow like silver wisps. There's a tall and wiry woman standing in the middle of the room, looking directly at us. I feel a sudden urge to throw myself out of the line of the woman's gaze, but Phae is holding me stationery. She's surprisingly strong and despite my struggles I can't get out of her grasp, I think about calling out to the woman for help but when my eyes lock on hers I realize with disturbance that she's not looking at me, rather directly past me. I whirl around and Phae spins with me. There behind me is the girl I recognize from eight years ago walking into the great hall - Pansy.
"She can't see us, they both can't." Phae whispers vindictively into my ears.
"Pasny!" The woman snaps and I shudder at the tone of her voice, but the young Pansy just stares up at the woman without expression as if she is used to the vocals.
"What is it mum?"
"Who is that Hermione Granger girl you go to school with? Someone at the ministry was talking about her today, says she's the brightest witch in your class."
I expect past Pansy to act like the present day Pansy, curse me out or say some sarcastic remark but this Pansy just beams at the sound of my name.
"Yeah mum she is! We walked into the great hall together! She's really smart and really pretty!"
I feel a pang at the last word, Pansy thought I was pretty?
Her mother looks unimpressed but Pansy is still beaming as if walking into the great hall with me is the most miraculous achievement of a lifetime and I can't help the blush that spreads across my cheeks when I think of how annoying a younger me was.
"Why don't we know her parents?" Pansy's mum narrows her eyes. "They must work somewhere prestigious…..why haven't I heard of the name Granger?"
Pansy simply shrugs, a habit I note which has translated into the present day.
"I dunno what her parents do. They're muggles."
At this Pansy's mum steps across the room to Pansy still standing there wide-eyed and I feel the sudden need to throw myself in front of them though I know that here I don't really exist, here I don't matter, despite the fact that in this past moment I seem to matter most to the conversation.
A slap rings out and so does a cry from Pansy who is now holding her cheek.
"You are never to speak to her or about her again. We don't associate ourselves with mudbloods."
Before I can react or say anything or catch the look on Pansy's face the room is spinning and I feel sick again. I fall against Phaedra who holds me up until our setting has morphed back into a place, wherever that may be.
We're sitting at a long kitchen table now, I recognize the familiar floor and countertops and realize we are back in Pansy's home. This time a man, presumably her father, sits next to Pansy's mother and strokes his thumb along the ridge of her fingers. I see Pansy sitting opposite them, she looks about second or third year.
"Is this a required course," her mother sighs dramatically. "We really should send an owl to that school and sort this straight, I mean it's an atrocity! Corruption at it's finest."
The man just looks warily at Pansy. "Well…." he drawls and his voice sounds strikingly similar to Pansy's own manner of speaking. "Is muggle studies a required course?"
Pansy looks at the wooden table. "No. I signed up for it."
"Then you are not to take it," he sneers. "Ever."
The room spins again and this time I manage to keep my footing. I can feel Phae's heated palm in my own still.
We're back in the great hall though this is long before the battle. I'm seated next to Pansy this time at a table of slytherins. She doesn't look at me and even if she had, she wouldn't have seen me.
"Draco," her voice sounds different when talking to him. Softer, but also in a way more forced to be so. "Draco I quite like Care of Magical Creatures, why do we have to do this?"
"To get back at Potter and his filthy mudblood friend." He spits.
Pansy rolls her eyes but I can tell from the red blush emerging beneath her collar that she's upset.
"I think we should stop calling her that."
He looks incredulously at her. "Mudblood?"
"Yeah, why bother," then she adds a second to late, "she knows what she is."
"Your parents told mine they were having trouble with you." He rolls his eyes. "Always trying to defend muggles and mudbloods. Careful," he winks at her. "You might get called a blood traitor next."
Pansy pales. "No…" she starts to stammer then regains her voice. "Draco, you know my loyalty is to you. Only you." She twirls with his hair. "How could it not be?" She kisses him on the cheek.
The room spins and I feel sick, but it's not from the constant movement but rather the situations we're encountering at the end.
We're in a classroom at Hogwarts and Pansy sits across a desk from Mad-eye, or at least the fake one. Fourth year.
"Your parents…." Mad-eye, or as I now know - Crouch, says. "They specialize in magical objects is that correct."
"Yes." Pansy nods. "They work for the ministry."
"Mmm." Mad-eye growls. "I noticed that watch on your wrist first time I saw you. That is a very valuable antique. Classically made."
"It doesn't work anymore if that's what you're after." Pansy says curtly. I'm surprised at the venom in her voice, I didn't realize she had such a hatred for Mad-eye. Though I do suppose he turned her best friend into a ferret.
"You're quite suspicious of me eh Parkinson?"
Pansy narrows her eyes, and I expect her to say something about the ferret incident but instead she says,
"I am quite suspicious of your teaching methods."
Mad-eye leans back,
"Explain."
Pansy clenches her fist as if she is nervous.
"You shouldn't be using the unforgivable curses in a classroom. It's inappropriate. Granger looked like she was about to faint."
Mad-eye seems to almost smirk, and knowing now it's Crouch I would say he does indeed smirk at her.
"And you're telling me you care about Granger?"
"What…" Pansy whitens. "No….no I...I just mean that," she straightens her back. "Most mudbloods can't handle them, not" she adds haughtily, "that they should be handling magic in the first place."
Mad-eye doesn't say anything, but instead allows her to stop squirming.
"What's in the egg?" He questions her.
The egg. The one that all the champions got.
Pansy glares back at him, "I would assume some sort of message. My parents….they have to deal with trapped messages all the time. This looks exactly like a vessel that would carry one."
"And how would your parents propose opening it?"
Pansy shrugs.
"Well then write to them and figure out Miss Parkinson and make it quick."
Pansy crosses her arms. "Why should I? I should tell Dumbledore you're helping contestants cheat."
"Do it," mad-eye growls, "and we won't have a class on how muggles we're tortured and executed in the war."
But Pansy is stoic, completely recovered from her last error.
"I don't care about that." She sighs. "My one condition is that you tell that girl how to open the egg as well."
"Fleur?" Mad-eye's eyebrows shoot up. "Am I to assume you are as taken with the veela as everyone else?"
Pansy just blinks. "Don't be asinine. I don't care for Krum. Anything to put him at a disadvantage works for my favor."
Pansy stands up to leave the room before Mad-eye stops her.
"Miss Parkinson what is it that makes you assume Miss Granger would be at a disadvantage in her ability to confront the unforgivable curses."
Pansy looks at him as if she is considering multiple answers.
"She's never had to confront them before, never had to confront anyone with the potential of using them against her. She's always lived in safety with the muggles." She spits at the last word.
"And someone has used them against you Miss Parkinson?" Mad eye questions, but Pansy is already leaving.
The room fades and I am standing in a forest next. I can see Pansy standing close to another girl from Slytherin who I recognize as Rachel Bear. I had always hated her even more than Pansy. Bear was nasty, unpredictable, and above all unintelligent. At least I had some respect for Pansy on the last quality.
"I've never done this before." I watch Pansy blush a deep shade of crimson. "What if I do it wrong."
But Rachel ignores her question and just leans in until her lips are on Pansy's. I feel my mouth fall slightly open and next to me I am sure Phae is smirking but before I can turn to her the room room whirls again and this time when I open my eyes I'm immediately confronted with the overwhelming amount of pink.
"Miss Parkinson," I hear Umbridge's familiar voice. "Pick up the pen."
A fifth year Pansy fiddles the dreaded quill through her fingers.
"Now," Umbridge goes on, her voice as curt as ever. "I want you to write out I must not kiss girls. One hundred times."
Pansy winces and pales at the same time, it's the most afraid I've seen her aside from the battle.
"I don't...what…."
Umbridge snaps her fingers.
"Oh love don't be foolish! I sent Rachel to you to see if you had the little 'problem' I had assumed you did."
Pansy stands up, and I silently feel a cheer escape my throat for her bravery against Umbridge.
"I am in love with Draco." She states boldly.
"Well yes my dear, I know all about the marriage contract your parents will have you sign next year," at this I don't hear the rest of her words because I turn to Phae in shock. Marriage contract? Phae just has that same smirk plastered on her face and points me back to the scene where Pansy is now sitting down.
She stares at the quill again and Umbridge seems to be growing impatient.
"Well write on!"
Pansy's face flushes, "Professor." She says meekly her voice of bravery gone. "It'll scar, if my parents see…."
Umbridge just smirks and I feel an overwhelming desire to hurl one of her glass plates directly at her face.
"Well," She taps her hands. "There is one other way you could pay for your wrongs." She reaches under her desk and pulls out a small silver badge with an I written on it. The Inquisitor squad.
"I take it," Umbridge says cheerily, "you will perform your best for this group. Even when against Granger." She tilts her head.
Pansy clenches her fist. "I'll string up that mudblood myself."
"Good." Umbridge smiles.
As Pansy turns away I notice her fist unclench and begin trembling.
The room starts to fade, but I wrap my hands around Phaedra's this time.
"Stop!" I beg her.
I can't do this anymore, forced or not, I can't invade Pansy's privacy anymore. "Please!"
Phae giggles. "We're just getting started. Do you not like what you see?"
"I'm not supposed to be seeing it!" I hiss.
"Oh shut up!" Phae exclaims. "You're relieved you are. Thrilled Pansy is maybe redeemable."
I flinch visibly at Phae's words, because although the invasion of Pansy's innermost thoughts has made me nauseous, I can't help but find truth in Phae's words. I am relieved. I want to find Pansy and to hug her, to hold her, to tell her….But I stop myself when I catch Phae's facial expression.
"Exhilarating isn't it?" She breathes. "Being able to know people like this?"
A disturbing thought finds its way into my throat and before the fear can stop me I am saying it aloud.
"That's….that's what you've done to Rowena."
Phae smiles and I'm surprised at the kindness she manages to plaster onto her face.
"Oh yes. Rowena's quite loyal to me now and me only." She gives another short breath. "If you're able to know everything about someone you're able to do whatever you want with them. Knowing is just another way to say controlling."
I step back from Phae slightly.
"That's not true."
Phae laughs. "Course it is! Come on!"
She grabs my hand and before I can scream or protest we are in a different room at Hogwarts. I am vaguely aware of people crying before the images form in place. Pansy is standing over the bodies of Colin and Dennis Creevey. A few more students whimper in the background.
"Do you know?" Pansy screams to all of them. "Why you're here?"
She stands over one small first year threateningly. He whimpers, "because we're muggle-born."
Pansy rolls her eyes. "Use the correct words."
"Because we're…. Mudbloods." He starts crying.
Pansy grins. "Exactly."
I whip my eyes over to Phae. "You're making this one up!" I shout at her angrily.
Phae snorts. "Doubtful. See," she grins widely, a cheshire cat grin, "I made you believe Pansy was good. Now I can make you believe she's bad. I can do whatever I want. But what I want is to show you the truth. And this," she motions to Pansy with her wand raised, "is the truth."
I stare at her for a few moments and then look back to Pansy who is leaning over Dennis, whispering something in his ear. I imagine her telling him what she told me all those years, that I didn't deserve magic, calling me horrendous names, telling me I was ugly, horrid, only smart because I was scared they were going to kick me out - this one hurt particularly horribly. But then I picture Phae sitting with Umbridge, at that kitchen table, next to me in the great hall. And I picture her moments before we came here to the battle, -maybe you make all your own villains.
I wrap my arms around Phae, pulling her closer to me.
"You have." I say into her ear and I feel her slightly relax. "You have shown me the truth. Thank you."
And before Phae can respond or do anything, I rip the time turner from around her neck and spin the dial. I hear her scream and lunge at me, but the room has faded along with her in it.
I spin and I spin, not thinking, just trying to get away from Phae, away from Pansy's memories, even though I know that's impossible. I'm crying and spinning the turner, my hands shaking until I glance down at them and realize what I'm doing - how many times I've spun it. I let it fall from my hands so that it's around my neck. I look wildly around to see where I am.
"Hermione!" I hear Pansy call.
I whirl around expecting to be back at the battle but as my eyes re-adjust I realize that I'm some place I don't recognize, some living room on some staircase.
"Hermione!" I hear Pansy call again.
There's traffic in the distance and a strangely familiar sense of suburban air.
"There you are!" I spin to see Pansy walk in, only this seems to be a future Pansy. She doesn't look any different age-wise, I must not have gone that far from present day, rather she looks changed. Softer, more open, more vulnerable, and still more confident. All of a sudden I feel an ache in my chest and realize that someone is stepping right through me as if I am a ghost, which in many ways I am. I watch the figure with her back to me, with my back to me - because this figure which has stepped through me is me. It's me with my hair straightened, in jeans and a button down top, and pale blue coat. I watch myself walk down the stairs and to Pansy. I watch Pansy's fingers slide through my own.
"You look beautiful." She says to me. And my chest explodes, though this time no one has walked through me or come anywhere near me.
And then Pansy Parkinson wraps her hands around my cheeks and kisses me gently on the lips.
The room begins to fade and I realize I have subconsciously spun the turner backwards two ticks. Fuck, I think. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I brace myself for another strange place, another strange scene, another….whatever that was. But when I open my eyes, I realize I am back.
Not to the present, but to the past, to the great battle where I left Pansy. Pansy who is now rushing to change her future, to change our future.
I sprint to go find her.
