Pansy POV

The great hall. I don't know what I plan on doing once I reach that place, but it'll come to me in the moment. It feels like the entire time since the battle of Hogwarts, I've been on an eternal passage there. One room, one moment - all one final culmination of everything I stood for during my seven years - there he is. Grab him. Here I am, if I could only reach out and grab myself. Shake myself by the shoulders, press my palm into my own mouth and stop myself shouting out into the room of people, out into the void that refused to listen. Only threw my words back in a cryptic echo, a distortion of what I meant. Evil. Villain. Monster. I was scared - I never say this in response. I wanted to protect others - I never say this. I wanted...I'm not sure of that anymore. What role I want to play and who I want to be. I only know it'll come to me, like it's been rushing towards me - this hall and I rushing towards each other since the day we met, until finally we collide.

There he is. And here I am.

Collide.

I collide with myself. I've apparated right next to myself, I grab myself only my hand goes right through me and there's nothing there but air and void. I try reaching myself again, but my hand just passes right through my past body like it's empty space. I can see everyone else in the hall, my eyes land on Hermione, past Hermione, who in this moment, standing next to Harry looks brave as ever. Like the girl I've always known. Past me looks scared, unsure. I see myself open my mouth and I start to scream, try to wrap my arms around the hologram that is my past body and pull myself back, into the future. The abyss where we have nothing and no one. Where it's still unsafe, but what we deserve. I can see the mob move around Harry, and feel their glares on me just as sharp as they were in the past days. I'm screaming but no one is moving and this replaying is all wrong. It's a time turner. The slightest change is meant to annihilate us all, meant to bring the doom and death I've been waiting my whole life for. But here, there is nothing. Just a scene on repeat. I can't touch it or mark it. Make it wrong, right, make it mine. I can't do anything. I've never been able to do anything. I feel my knees weaken at my own helplessness, and sink desperately into the floor. Press my face and body into the floor and try to escape, try to sink. And then finally it comes. I am falling.

I fall into black. A few colors flash around me, a kaleidoscope of hazy pictures and voices, fragmented and fractured like dust floating around me. It hurts and I feel nauseous, but right when I feel my body heave up what's inside of it, my feet land on solid ground and the world pauses. I'm lying on the ground and I roll over, heaving. I can feel a soft pressure on my back but I'm not sure what exactly it is, or who exactly is there. I'm too busy being sick and the ringing in my head won't go quiet. I heave up everything from the hall - the whole experience, the sick of it, and the ringing slightly dulls. Over the hum I hear her voice.

"Pansy? Pansy! Pansy, it's okay. We're safe. I've got you. We're safe."

Hermione pulls me up into her arms and I'm vaguely aware of how pathetic I look with her cradling me and tears streaming down my face and spit on my chin and cheek, but everything is so blindly confusing I don't care. I just want to be safe and here with her.

"Pansy, I…shhh. Pansy it's okay. It's over."

"Where are we?" I weakly stammered out, my head still buried in her chest.

"Gryffindor common room. Present day."

I lift my head up. See the red curtains draping the rooms, the golden bed sheets. We're sitting on Hermione's bed. Or what I assume to be it, could be anyone's really.

"Is this your bed?"

"Ummm, what...oh yeah."

"Sorry, weird question." I sit up, remove myself from her. Sit next to her and lean my head against the bedframe. She stays upright, watching me.

"No, no, it's okay."

"Were we dreaming?"

Hermione takes a deep breath in.

"Pansy, I have to tell you something. I...no we weren't."

"How did we get back there then? I know how timeturners work. My parents they...it doesn't matter. But that wasn't a time turner. What the fuck was that?" I can feel myself getting hysterical again.

Hermione grabs my hand. Hers is warm, comfortable, safe. I pull mine away. She doesn't look hurt, doesn't flinch. I want her to grab my hand again, but if the hall was any reminder I don't deserve it.

"Phae she…"

"Right, where the fuck is that bitch?"

"Pansy. Listen to me. Phae invented a memory turner." Hermione's voice sounds soft, weak. "She can go back through people's memories. Maybe forwards. The Battle wasn't real. Just a memory. I don't know. I...I had it...the turner but…"

"That's fucking insane." I scoff and leap up from the bed. "I know magical objects Hermione and I'm starting to think this is all some elaborate prank to get back at me for everything I did to you."

"For merlin's sake Pansy! Blimey!" Hermione snaps. "How in this world do you expect me to pull off what just happened?"

"You're the fucking muggle-born prodigy," I spit, "I'm sure you could have figured it out." I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth, as soon as I see the red creep up Hermione's neck.

"I bloody should have left you there." She whispers.

"What?"

Hermione stands up now. "I said I should have left you there. Trapped in your own memories. Made you pay for it a little. I mean, torturing children Pansy! I've seen what you did."

"You don't know anything." I shrug, try to play her words off. Can't talk about that memory, can't….

"You're pathetic Pansy. Fear makes people do terrible things, yes. But you, you're intelligent. You had me on about making my own villains and judgments, but it was all your game wasn't it? I save you and nothing. You're the same person. Just like Phae. Manipulation of memories, lying through the present to get the past sorted out." She goes quiet. "No one can do what Phae is doing, other than Phae. No one…"

"And what exactly is it she's even doing? You probably have Longbottom spiking me with some plant and I'm playing along your little game. You're the one lying to me, I know it. I can read right through you Granger."

Hermione clicks her tongue, takes a deep breath. "Pansy. You can believe what you want. I can't help you. You've always believed what you want, the choices and beliefs you had they were always yours. I don't know where Phae is or what she'll do when she gets back, but I hope she makes it quick for you. Whatever the plan may be."

She turns from me and goes to walk out of the room.

"Wait."

She doesn't turn around.

"Hermione! You said you had it."

She stops, back still to me. "What?"

"The time turner, memory turner. Whatever it is."

I see her turn, for the second time see fear in her eyes.

"I spun it back, I came to the great hall. Saw you, grabbed you, spun it back. I watched Phae….I learned how she did it, got to reality I mean. Or whatever reality is. And then…"

"Then what?"

'When I got back, there was nothing with me. Except you."

"So Phae has this thing now." I try and ignore the last part of her statement.

"So now you believe me?"

"No."

She turns back to the door. Turns once more, opens her mouth. Remains silent, turns. Leaves. And I'm there - alone in the common room. The Gryffndor common room. Fuck, I have to get out before anyone sees me, thinks I'm up to some no good plan. I'm honestly surprised no ones barged in already, figured that was part of Granger's plan all along. Drug me, bring me here, make everyone see - yes, I'm evil and need to be stopped. Expelled. Or even put in Azkaban.

But could Granger have really pulled that off? What she says about Phae is completely mad. I spent hours watching my parents study various magical objects and nothing like Hermione said Phae invented, ever even came up as a possibility. No discussion. I almost wish I could contact them in this moment, but that's been halted. Possibly for now, possibly forever. I still can't tell if it makes me sad or not.

I look around the room at the red that so distinctly marks Gryffndor and think it does make me sad. Not having any parents. Not having anyone. I had Draco, now he's gone. Living some other life, disappeared. I had, or...I don't know if I ever had Hermione. I had Phae, but that's….well, nothing about her seems to be real. I miss home, miss my father throwing around the quaffle with me, even miss my mother, holding my hand at Diagon Alley so I wouldn't get lost in the crowd. I can't tell if it's this missing, or desperation, or anything else. I just know. There's nothing else to do but send for them. They know magical objects, they know me. They must still have love for me, their daughter? Their own pure flesh and blood. They must know. They must help me.

HERMIONE POV

I don't know where I'm meant to go now. I left Pansy in the common room and I don't know where she's meant to go. Everything in my head is confused and my temples are pounding like there's a bludger being thrown against my head. Nothing makes much sense anymore. All I wanted was one normal year of Hogwarts and now all thanks to Phae - wherever she is - everything's going the exact same way. Only this time I don't have Ron or Harry. I've only started to realize now how much I miss them, how much I relied on them through every battle we faced. Yes, I was always the planner, the mastermind behind our operations, but Harry he was so confident and assured executing the plans. He always got everything done, I never doubted him. Ron kept me grounded, always. When I felt my head as it is now, muddled and detached from my body, Ron pulled me back to reality. Let me know that whatever happened, we had the present day in front of us. I can barely tell what the present means anymore. The last memory I recall is Pansy's hand slipping through mine, so warm like I could feel it - even in that dream state. Real or not real? Had Phae simply made that one up or…? I can't even think about what it means for either of us if she hadn't. If she hadn't, I'll change it. There's no way on merlin's earth that I'm ending up friends with Pansy, let alone…

"Hermione."

I turn around on the great steps to see Pansy standing behind me. Her eyes are still bloodshot and I can see her hand shaking. She looks so scared it almost makes me want to run up the stairs to her. Just to have someone else who vaguely understands what's happening. Even if she doesn't understand it, has at least experienced it. Instead, I stand still, watching her to see her next move. Because youre mudbloods. I hear her saying in the hall. Because you deserve it.

"How'd you know?" Pansy sticks her hands in her robes and fiddles with them there.

"What?"

"How did you find out its a memory turner?"

"She showed me some of my memories." I have to lie. It's all too complicated to try and explain. And I don't know if I'm ready to tell Pansy everything I saw from her.

She bites her lip. "Like what?"

"That's none of your business is it?" The irony hits me as soon as I say it. But I don't care. I'm still angry from before. The talk in the common room. The dungeons. The battle. "I'm going to need some time to think about it all."

"Okay." She turns red. I realize I've said the last part aloud.

"I…"

"Nah," she shrugs. "I get it. Wasn't my finest moment we went back to. But…"

"What?" I expect her to give a half-apology or breakdown or

"We should ask someone. We can't just stop Phae alone. Whatever she's trying to do. My parents they work with magical objects. Maybe we can ask them about…"

I breathe in. Take a few steps towards her. "Pansy," I start slowly. "Don't take this the wrong way, but will your parents…"

She anticipates what I'm going to say and doesn't seem mad about it, much to my surprise. "No, they're not gonna think of what they can do for dark magic or anything."

"Weren't they disappointed you didn't fight for Voldemort."

"Yeah, but they're cowards." She seems to flinch at that word. "They agreed with what the dark…what he was doing but they didn't sign up to be death eaters or anything. They don't want blood on their hands. They'd rather write their hatred down in ink."

"That's not exactly convincing."

"They're not gonna bring him back Hermione if that's what you're worried about."

I step close towards her. "Pansy. We have to be careful about who we trust. Your parents aren't exactly high on my list."

She opens her mouth but I keep talking. "And before you say it's because of my prejudice or whatever that I don't trust them…"

"They're the prejudiced ones." She cuts me off.

"Okay! So you see what I'm saying!"

"No." She takes her hands out of her robes and folds her arms. "I think if we're careful with the information that we give out we'll be fine."

"Pansy I'm not contacting some Voldemort supporters for help on this. Merlin it gets worse and worse with you!"

"What gets worse! The fact that I think we need help!"

"No! Who you're trying to get help from."

She shakes her head. "You always think you're right Granger. But you're gonna run off and get Ron and Harry to help you out and what are they gonna do? Send everyone up in arms. Raise ten thousand alarms. Slytherins will be kicked out of here faster than you can blink. You won't even have me here to help anymore."

"Honestly Pansy, I'm not even sure I want that now." My words are harsh. Harsher than I meant, but I stand by them.

She turns red, I'm not sure whether it's from anger or some type of shame.

"I know you're lying." She says and looks away from me.

"Why would I be?" I practically spit. "You've done nothing but defend people full of hate and when I try to criticize them, you go all on about how I'm the one making judgments when really…"

"No." She's still looking away from me. "I know you went back through my memories. Somehow. You said it. That you should have left me in my memories, that you saw them. What'd you see?"

"What?" It's my turn to be red. Entirely from shame.

"In my memories, what did you see?"

"I…what are you talking about." I stammer.

She looks at me for a second. " I said that I know that you went back into my memories with Phae. You said so as much. You said, I tortured the first years. You said I've seen what you did."

Blimey, the girl is observant. I hadn't even caught on to the fact I'd said that. The redness in my cheeks is burning my skin now. It makes me even more embarrassed that Pansy can see my discomfort. I hate what I've seen, too personal. Even though it wasn't my fault, I feel like it is. Like I've invaded Pansy and betrayed her. I hate that thought. I'm supposed to hate Pansy. I shouldn't feel like I've let her down in any way.

"That was it."

She shakes her head, still looking away from me. "I know it wasn't."

"It was just…I don't know Pansy. Stuff about the battle and…" I sigh.

"I know that wasn't it." Her voice cracks and I can tell she's on the verge of crying. It makes me feel awful and despite my anger towards her in this present moment I feel myself take a step up towards her.

"Honestly Pansy, it wasn't anything I hadn't heard about before. Just battle stuff or like when we walked in together in the hall." I can feel myself walking towards her but I don't exactly know what my plan is.

"Hermione," Pansy says and her voice sounds pleading. "It's…can you just tell me. Honestly."

I know I should tell her. It's bad enough that I've been through her memories, an invasion of privacy so severe I hate that Phae has done this to us. If there ever was such a thing as an us to begin with.

"It started just with…with you asking to take muggle studies classes and telling your parents about me."

"Okay." She nods. She's still looking away from me, but the red in her neck is dying down. That memory isn't too bad.

"And then, something with Mad-Eye - and your parents working at the ministry."

Pansy turns towards me this time and I start to see relief in her eyes. "That one? God I barely remember that. Maybe Phae's dumber than she seems, I can't see what insight that has to give on anything."

I want to tell her that specific memory made me think she was a good person. Made me think she was protecting me. No one sees me as a protector. I remember our conversation on the way to Hagrid's. I want to grab her hands and tell her she's wrong.

"And then the one of you and the first years."

She winces, but only slightly. She knows I already knew about that one though seeing it in person made all that urge to grab her hands go away. All that protection she offered me, gone with each word she spoke to those boys with pleading eyes on the floor.

She stares at me. Bites her lip. I realize I've stopped speaking too soon. Should have said that's it. That was all I saw. Now she's going to think there's something else. And there is. But I don't want to tell her that. Not the future one, the one with me and her, that I'll keep to myself until it disappears. I know that was Phae making things up, however she did it. Messing with my memories to make me invent my own. That must be what she's doing to Rowena, entirely.

"And what else?"

"That was it."

"I know you're lying."

I take a deep breath in. "Something about a marriage contract with Draco."

The fear is back in her eyes, instantly. Like an entire force has consumed her body, frozen like I was when Phae had her arms wrapped around me.

"What specifically?"

"What?"

"What was the specific memory of that? You have to tell me." She pauses. "They're mine." She weakly whispers out.

"It was with Umbridge after you…after Rachel."

Pansy sits down on the steps. Well, more so crumples to the ground. Her whole body seems to fold in on itself and she buries her head in her hands for a moment. I can't tell if she's crying, but I step over to her and sit down next to her. I don't touch her. Just wait for her to lift her head up. When she does, she keeps her face angled away from me.

"I knew she'd show you something like that." She whispers.

I don't know why Pansy thought Phae would go directly to that but I feel a sharp pain in my chest that this part of Pansy was something Phae had figured out and had been holding over her. It makes my hatred for Phae grow even stronger, a deep sensation I can feel spread throughout my body.

"I think it's rather dull of her honestly." I say and press my palm against Pansy's back lightly. "I mean I already knew Rachel was a complete dimwit. Can't imagine I learned anything else."

Pansy relaxes the angle of her neck so I can slightly see her face even though she's not fully looking at me. She has a small smile. It disappears when she opens her mouth to speak again.

"I know we like…" she stammers. "I know we hate each other right now and we've hated each other forever but…can you just not tell anyone because…"

"I won't." I rub my hand against her back.

"Cause it's gonna be, Hermione it's just bad. It's gonna be really bad." She's crying now.

I reach my arm gently around her.

"Pansy, there were bad things you did in the memories Phae showed me. But that wasn't one of them."

Pansy doesn't say anything and I'm not sure if I should. We sit there for a while, the minutes seem endless.

"I don't…" Pansy interrupts the silence. She looks right at me now, her eyes still bloodshot. "I mean with Rachel that whole thing was a mistake. You didn't see the whole thing, that bitch completely manipulated me. Told me she was gonna get a load of first years in detention if I didn't kiss her. She's a bitch and the whole thing was faked."

"Okay…" What Pansy is saying doesn't match up to what I saw but I won't argue with her on this one.

"Yeah umm I just thought you should know I'm not like that or anything." She pauses. "I loved Draco, a lot."

"I believe you."

She nods curtly.

"Pansy…"

"Yeah?" She pulls back from me.

"It wouldn't be…I mean it's fine." This is one of the only times I feel at a loss for words in my life. Even planning battles against Voldemort it's like I was pulling the words out of a cauldron, like they came straight to me. "Even if…all I'm saying is that it's okay even if there were other times it wasn't faked. Or if you…"

"It was." She stands up. Brushes her robes off. "Don't worry. I just don't want you saying something totally untrue about me. Or believing it."

I nod, stand up next to her.

"Fuck." Pansy sighs. "What are we gonna do?"

I pause for a moment and say the only logical thing I can think of, even though given the past it's the most illogical idea. "I think we just stick together."

"Together?"

"Yes." I nod. "We head back to the common rooms, get some sleep and meet tomorrow. Figure something out. Phae has to be stuck there, somewhere back in the memories. If she could get out, she'd be here by now. I know that."

Pansy nods. "I agree."

"Alright." I say. "So we head back?"

"Yeah."

We both stand there, awkwardly facing each other. I can tell Pansy doesn't want to leave, she looks to be on the verge of saying something else. Surprisingly, despite our fight, I don't want her to leave either. I don't want to sleep after returning to the battle. The dreams are bad enough when the past is the past. I feel a heaviness in my throat. Pansy goes to turn from me, but I grab her arm.

"Maybe," I start. "You should stay. In the common room with me."

She stares blankly at me.

"I don't know if we should separate. Just in case."

Pansy seems to consider this idea, and I can't tell which way she is leaning towards until she starts climbing back up the stairs. I watch her.

"Well?" She asks. "Come on. Let's get some rest."