Warning: this chapter may be depressing, since it deals with Bella handling (or rather, not handling) her grief over Peter's supposed death in an extremely unhealthy way. I'm sorry for all the angst, and I promise it won't last forever.

Chapter 5: Haunted

"No, I can't say you do," the woman agreed. "Who's Bella?"

"I don't know!" Peter snapped, his frustration returning at full force. "It feels like I should – it's like when you're trying to think of a word, and it's right on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't spit it out, you know? I have no idea what she looks like or how I knew her or where we might've met - hell, I can't even remember being anywhere in my whole life other than that box... I don't know anything, except her name."

"Well, I'm Caitlin. At least now you know that much." She finished cleaning his face with gentle, efficient movements, but whatever she saw underneath all the blood shattered her composure, causing her to gasp and her eyes to widen to the size of saucers.

"What's wrong?" Peter demanded, almost dreading her answer; what if the men who'd brought him here had completely smashed his face in? It didn't feel like they had - in fact, he wasn't even sore, which seemed very strange considering the brutal beating he'd taken less than an hour ago, but maybe he was hurt so badly that the pain receptors in his brain simply couldn't process it anymore.

"I've wrung out a fair bit of your blood just now," Caitlin replied, sounding unnerved, "but you don't have a mark on you."

Peter was just as baffled by this development as she was - though grateful, of course - but when she left him alone, he found himself wondering less about how he had survived his ordeal unscathed than about the girl whose name seemed to be the only thing he'd managed to hold on to through whatever injury or trauma had robbed him of his memories.

A single name wasn't much to go on, but it was a tangible connection to his past, proof that his life up until he'd ended up in that box hadn't been lived in a vacuum, that there was at least one person out there who knew and cared about him…maybe. After all, he had no idea what kind of relationship he'd had with this girl… But he quickly dismissed that thought. Whoever she was, she must have been very important to him if he could forget everything else about his life, even his own name, and still remember hers. Surely he wouldn't have formed such a strong attachment to her without a good reason.

There was only one window in the back room of the pub where Caitlin had left him, and it was too high for him to see out of it from his current position, but he looked up at it anyway as he wondered where the mysterious Bella was right now, and whether she was missing him as much as he imagined he would miss her if only he could remember her.

Current Cullen residence - somewhere in the mountains of Colorado

To say that Bella missed Peter would be the understatement of the century - he was practically all she had thought about since her awakening. She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when she fell in love with him, but there was no denying that it had happened. Before she met him, her life had been emptier than she had ever wanted to acknowledge; Peter had made her a better person, got her to care about more than just herself and the very few people (mainly her parents and Elle) she knew and liked. The old Bella never would have put herself at risk to help a cheerleader she'd never met and, as much as it shamed her to admit it, would probably have fled New York before the explosion, leaving the city to its fate. Peter had inspired her, encouraged her, believed in her and made her want to live up to his expectations...and now he was gone.

She knew he would want her to carry on without him, but she had no idea how she was supposed to do that, especially since her life was over anyway. She couldn't go back to college - she could just imagine the looks on her professors' faces if she walked into class with her sparkling skin and red eyes, and she definitely wouldn't be able to explain away her long absence after that night on Kirby Plaza. What would she say? Why yes, I was brain dead for about ten weeks, give or take a few days, but I'm better now... Any chance I could get an extension on all those assignments I missed?

Going home to her parents wasn't an option either. Even if they could deal with the changes in her, which was doubtful, she couldn't endanger them by telling them the truth about what she had become, no matter how desperately she wished she could see them again. If only she had them with her, maybe she could force herself to get up and at least try to pretend she was okay for their sake.

Without them, she had no incentive to even go through the motions, so she remained curled up in her corner and spent her time obsessively reliving every moment she'd had with Peter in an attempt to brand them on her mind. Her human memories seemed more distant with each passing day, and she was terrified that one day she wouldn't be able to recall the exact shade of his eyes, or his smile, or some important detail of their conversations, until eventually she forgot him altogether... As much as it hurt to think about him, not being able to remember would be worse.

There was one memory, though, that always came back to her with excruciating clarity: the way he'd looked at her as he confessed his feelings in the moment before he exploded, clearly anticipating her rejection. Worse still, he'd said he had been in love with her 'for a long time'...and she'd never had a clue. The irony of it all never failed to hit her like a punch in the gut; after spending so much time reading classic romances and fantasizing about literary figures like Romeo and Mr. Darcy, she'd finally met a real-life hero who easily surpassed all her fictional crushes, and he, for reasons she couldn't even begin to guess at, had loved her - but she had been totally oblivious, because she had hidden behind her walls, both figurative and literal, for too long and allowed herself to become so emotionally stunted that she no longer saw anything beyond the end of her own nose.

She couldn't bear to think of how hard it must have been for him, being forced to pretend he only liked her as a friend while keeping his true feelings buried, apparently afraid she would be repulsed if she knew... Knowing he had gone through all that just to be near her, that she had made him unhappy during the last months of his life through her thoughtless, boneheaded insensitivity, only compounded her anguish over losing him and further sapped her will to do anything other than torment herself with her memories. The pain those memories brought her was no more than she deserved after the way she'd treated him.

The Cullens tried several times to talk her out of her depression, either individually or in groups - all except Jasper, who couldn't stand the grief and guilt pouring out of her. Even Rosalie, who generally held herself aloof, crept into her room one night while the others were out to take a stab at getting through to her. She approached cautiously and sat down a good five feet from Bella; it had only taken a couple of days for her to grow tired of their efforts to feed her, and after that anyone who came too close found themselves bouncing off her shield. As Emmett noted in a rather flat attempt at humor, talking to her had literally become an exercise in beating their heads against a wall.

"Hey, Bella." As usual, the brunette gave no sign that she had heard anything, but Rosalie didn't let that deter her. "Look, I know I was a bit standoffish before - remember those times you visited our house in Forks, when Elle taught you how to use your shield after the accident with that Newton boy? I barely said a word to you... Of course, you didn't seem to mind since you were only interested in picking Elle's brain; still, it was inexcusably rude."

Bella vaguely recalled Rosalie hovering in the background while she and the former Company agent worked on her control over her power, along with the rest of the family - they were all intrigued by the idea of people who could manifest abilities similar to their own while still human. Unlike the rest of them, however, Rosalie's demeanor had always been rather closed off, even slightly hostile, and Bella had gotten a feeling that the blonde didn't like her very much. It hadn't mattered to her then - she'd been much more interested in Rosalie's hulking husband, specifically in making sure she stayed as far away from him as possible - and it certainly didn't matter to her now, although a tiny part of her did wonder why Rosalie felt the need to apologize for slighting her after all this time.

"Esme wasn't pleased with me - she said I, of all people, should have been nicer to you, because I...I once had an experience very much like yours. It happened a long time ago, when I was still human; like you, I was left battered and bleeding in the street, and I would have died if Carlisle hadn't found me... I suppose that's why I couldn't bring myself to make more of an effort with you; irrational as it was, I envied you because you had been saved without having your humanity taken away. You don't know how many times I've wished Carlisle could have done that for me, instead of- But this isn't about me. I'm sorry; it's easy to start rambling when you're carrying on a one-sided conversation."

She glanced sideways at Bella, but the girl was still gazing blankly at the opposite wall. Sighing, she went on, "My point is that I think I understand some of what you're feeling; I never wanted this life either, and I would sacrifice a great deal for the chance to be human again...but being a vampire really isn't the worst thing in the world. In fact, parts of it can actually be enjoyable." She paused for a moment, weighing her words before continuing. "I know it's awful, what happened with Peter-" She hesitated again, wondering if saying his name might get some sort of response, but apart from a slight stiffening of her spine - so slight it could have simply been Rosalie's imagination - Bella showed no reaction.

"We can move past losses from our human lives, though. Esme mentioned that she told you about her son... As devastating as his death was for her, she managed to find happiness in this life. What she was too nice to tell you is that the key is to get up and try; sitting there wallowing in your grief over a relationship you never even had is only making it worse. You're not the only one who's suffering, you know - even if you never leave this room, your misery has permeated this whole place like some kind of invisible toxic mold, and Jasper won't even come within a mile of the house anymore. Of course Carlisle blames himself for allowing you to be changed; even Elle is sorry for her part in it, and I thought she was incapable of remorse. We all feel horrible about how you lost the love of your life, but you have to realize that we didn't do this to hurt you. It's not fair for you to keep punishing everyone like this."

Her words pricked at Bella's conscience; she knew she was being unfair to the Cullens, and she was sorry they were hurting because of her when all they had wanted was to save her life. Still, she couldn't help feeling a certain amount of resentment toward them - not for changing her, she couldn't blame them for that since she had never bothered to give them the equivalent of a 'do not resuscitate' order, and in all fairness, she probably wouldn't have objected to becoming immortal if it hadn't meant eternal separation from the man she loved - but because their lives had all turned out so perfectly. Most of them seemed to have no regrets at all, and even the ones like Rosalie and Esme who had lost something when they left their humanity behind had gained something better in exchange; Rosalie found Emmett, while Esme got Carlisle and five new children which, while they couldn't fully replace her biological son, at least helped to fill the void.

Bella, on the other hand, knew there was no such silver lining in store for her. She had already met the only man she could ever or would ever love, and no one could take his place.

After a moment, seeing that her words had seemingly had no effect, Rosalie let out a barely audible sigh of frustration, got up, and walked away.

###

The next day, the Cullens gathered for a family meeting, which was held on the front lawn so Jasper wouldn't have to go inside the house. "Things simply cannot go on as they have this past month," Carlisle stated without preamble. "I know we all sympathize deeply with Bella, yet all our efforts at reaching her thus far have failed. We need to come up with a different approach-"

"There's nothing we can do," Jasper said flatly. "She doesn't want anything to do with us; all she wants is Peter Petrelli."

"So let's bring him to her," Elle suggested. Seven pairs of golden eyes stared at her, silently questioning her sanity. "Don't look at me like that, I know he's dead. I'm talking about his body - we could bury him, and maybe having a grave to visit would help Bella find closure or whatever."

"That...is actually quite a good idea," Esme said slowly.

"With one glaring flaw - you guys went back to Kirby Plaza after he blew up, and you said there was nothing left," Emmett pointed out. "Not even ashes. Right, Edward?"

"That's right," Edward agreed, revisiting the scene in his mind. "By the time we arrived, there was no sign of Peter or Bella..." He suddenly froze, his eyes opening wide. "...And we never thought to ask the most obvious question of all: how did Bella end up in the hospital?"

"You said the strain of using her shield to contain a nuclear explosion was too much for her," Alice reminded him.

"Yes, we know why she was hospitalized, but how did she get there? She could hardly have hailed a taxi, and with Peter dead, there was no one to summon assistance for her...unless somebody else got there before Elle and I did."

"The Company," she hissed. "I can't believe I didn't think of them sooner!"

"You had other things on your mind," Edward said soothingly. "Your best friend's life was hanging in the balance-"

"Are you sure it was them?" Esme asked. "Isn't it possible someone else stumbled across Bella and called an ambulance?"

"Are you kidding? The whole thing happened right outside Linderman's office! I bet his goons swooped in as soon as the dust settled and stuck Peter in some hazardous waste container," Elle said darkly.

"But why would Daniel Linderman have Bella taken to a hospital?" Alice wondered. "From everything I've heard about him, he doesn't seem like the type to do anything out of the goodness of his heart."

Elle shrugged. "Why knows why Linderman does anything? This is the guy who thought blowing up millions of people was the key to... Actually, I have no idea what he was trying to accomplish except for getting Nathan into office, and he really, really wanted to see Peter go kablooey. I should've killed him when I had the chance - Linderman, that is, not Peter."

"You would think homicide is the answer to everything," Rosalie muttered. Raising her voice to normal volume, she asked, "So you and Edward are going to go and try to reclaim Peter's remains from Primatech?"

"I think it's an excellent idea," Carlisle said enthusiastically. "I really do believe this could help Bella, and if nothing else, the man deserves a proper burial."

Alice immediately volunteered to arrange their transportation, and the meeting broke up soon afterward, with everyone feeling satisfied that they had come up with a good plan...all except one.

When the Cullens had decided where to hold their discussion, their main consideration had been how their proximity to Bella would affect Jasper, not whether she would be able to hear what they were saying. As it turned out, Jasper's range for detecting others' emotions didn't extend as far as a vampire's hearing, so Bella overheard every word, and what she heard left her seething.

While she was deeply touched that they were willing to go to such lengths to help her find 'closure', whatever that meant, she couldn't believe they thought a box of ashes and charred bones was an acceptable substitute for Peter. None of them would be satisfied with that if it was their mate who had died, but listening to Rosalie's speech last night had made her realize that they didn't truly understand how she felt; they still thought - or maybe hoped - it was just a silly human crush that she could get over. She also suspected, since Elle had been the one who pushed so hard for her to be changed, that the blonde wanted to do something to make it up to her, but she already knew it wasn't going to work.

Elle and Edward left the following day, and Bella found herself dreading their return. She didn't want to visit Peter's grave, to see the sad remains that really had nothing to do with the person he had been, nor did she want to disappoint everyone all over again. It would be better if I left, if I was gone before they came back. Then things could go back to normal for everyone, and I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore about what I'm doing to them.

The more she thought about it, the more attractive the idea of leaving seemed, but she could never muster the will to act on it. Two things held her back: first, she had nowhere to go, and second, she doubted the others would let her walk away just like that. They wouldn't be able to stop her, but they would follow her to the ends of the earth; she was still a newborn, after all, and they felt responsible for her.

Then, a couple of days after Edward and Elle's departure, the rest of the family went out hunting. Bella held her breath for three hours, wondering how far they had gone, if they would be back soon, but her enhanced senses detected no trace of their presence, no warning of their imminent return. For the first time in approximately four months, there was no one hovering over her. She could hardly believe it, but then, why should anyone have stayed? They certainly didn't think she was going anywhere. If she really wanted to leave, it was now or never.

Summoning every ounce of willpower she still possessed to break through the apathetic inertia that had consumed her since she learned of Peter's death, she slowly shifted her weight onto her feet and straightened her knees, pushing herself upright. Her new body responded effortlessly to her commands despite having gone so long without moving a muscle, but she still crept hesitantly through the house, fighting the urge to scuttle back into her corner, until she reached the front door and stepped over the threshold.

The instant she left the house, a weight seemed to drop off her shoulders; out here, she was free of everyone's expectations and disapproval. She gradually picked up her pace as she walked off the veranda and crossed the sweeping, grassy lawn, then broke into a run as she started down the mountain pass leading away from the house, sprinting faster and faster until her feet barely seemed to touch the ground.

She knew at some point she would have to find a stream or other body of water to stop the Cullens from tracking her scent; beyond that, she had no idea where she was going, but wherever she ended up, she would finally be alone. There would be no more well-meaning, meddling vampires tiptoeing around her and speaking of her in hushed voices as if she had some deadly disease, or talking about her like she was an inanimate object that couldn't understand what they were saying...and if she felt like finding a quiet place where she could curl up and give in to her despair, there would be no one to stop her.