Author's Note: I want to be COMPLETELY clear, this is a warning. This chapter is heavy. I will address why I chose things the way I did, at the end, don't worry. Just know the chapter contains: Mentions of grooming, details of the abuse. That's not light.

ALSO: I would like to thank everyone who is reviewing or has reviewed. I appreciate them, and they keep me going where it comes to continuing to write this fic.

Especially, thank you to every guest reviewer, and Jc1585 and Packersgirl492. I'm glad all of you are enjoying it, and enjoy Hadley and Elaine's relationship.

Hadley bounded to the door, knocking, and the first thing out of her mouth the moment she saw her aunt was- "Can El, stay the night?"

Maya blinked slowly, a smile forming. She paused, making her niece wait. Hadley shifted impatiently.

"Of course, she can," Maya finally laughed, earning an eye roll, "I'll have to call her mom to double-check, and get her allergies. Shouldn't be an issue, she's always been pretty cool about it. You two can help me make dinner."

Hadley seemed to think about it, as Emily blinked in surprise behind her. Eventually, Hadley nodded with a smile and turned back to Emily's car, giving Elaine a thumbs up. Maya watched as Elaine beamed and waved shyly. Maya waved back.

"Wait, you've met Alison?" Emily asked Maya, as Hadley trotted past her aunt and grandmother to her room.

Maya turned towards her, raising an eyebrow as she sat down on her couch. Her mother gave Emily a gentle smile before shuffling into the kitchen to give them some space for this conversation.

"Yes, Em. I am my niece's legal guardian," Maya chuckled, amusedly, "I wasn't going to let her stay with anyone without meeting the legal adults in the household first."

Emily scrunched her face, "And…you still let her stay with Alison? Despite everything we'd told you?"

It wasn't accusatory. It was genuine confusion. When she and Maya had dated, everyone had taken a liking to Maya. She melded with her friends pretty easily. The girls and Alison had been slowly drifting away, so Alison had never properly met her. She knew of Maya, of her importance, but never bothered to get to know her.

When they broke off from Alison, they'd told Maya everything. A large venting session and Maya had been appalled by her actions. She'd never held Alison in any sort of regard, since, she almost seemed forgettable to Maya, until she voiced her dislike for mean girls. So it was a surprise to find, she trusted Alison enough to let Hadley stay with her.

Maya had known, since her brother and his wife's passing, she hadn't been strict as a parental figure for Hadley, but she was concerned. Protective. She had been since getting clean. She didn't want Hadley to make the same mistakes she had, or that her brother had. She wanted Hadley to have a better life.

"Well," Maya sighed, "we didn't have a…heart-to-heart because she'd never done anything to me. She did seem genuinely concerned about Hadley. She cared. She also seemed like a loving mother."

"But…do you know her?" Emily hesitantly asked.

Maya clocked her then. The hesitance, the question, the attitude. When Emily had moved back for her coaching, they'd talked in length about Alison. Maya hadn't told her she'd met Alison enough to trust her with her niece, but, Emily had been worried about the possibility of running into her.

Maya had informed her she was a teacher. It was the first time Emily had heard about it.

She understood now, Emily was terrified. It was unusual for brave Emily, but she understood. Alison had broken her down before, what if she did it again? She could also see that the fear was going to hold Emily back. It was obvious, at least, from their call last night after she'd worried about Hadley being in the hospital, Emily wanted to reconnect. She just didn't trust Alison.

She also knew how strongly Emily, Hanna, and Spencer disliked Alison for her past actions. They were apprehensible, she knew that, but–they were judging her as if she hadn't changed at all. That was something that didn't sit well with her.

Alison had changed. When she spoke, there was no bitchy undertone anymore, she was more subdued. Polite, but firm.

If they didn't like Alison, that was fine but–she didn't want that pushed onto herself who hadn't had a bad interaction with her, or Hadley, who knew Alison better than they did at this point. What they thought and who they liked, weren't her business, but–she saw someone different than they did. They were looking at the past.

"Okay see," Maya started, looking at Emily, "no offense Em, but I don't think any of you know her now."

Emily frowned, crossing her arms defensively, "We went to scho-"

"And you left her behind, didn't you?" Maya asked bluntly. Emily looked guilty and Maya frowned, "I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but you have to understand. It's been years. She's changed, you are changed. All of you. All of those things she did to you guys- it's not okay, but you can't treat her like she's the same person. She's not."

"She could be."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you believe that." Emily remained silent. "That's what I thought. I'm not defending her, but I also know you're being a coward, because you're judging her without really knowing her. Because none of you know her now, but I can see it in your eyes, you want to."

Emily huffed and looked away. Maya knew she'd won the argument, but Emily was stubborn. She always had been. More so than herself, or Alison, ever was. She won out a lot of the time based on that alone against Alison.

"If it helps, I think she was changing before you all left for college," Emily looked at her then, "I never told you, but when we were dating…she came up to me a couple of times."

She had to. Alison had been so removed from the group, nothing she did or could say would have changed things. Maya had assumed at first she was trying to find someone to talk to them for her, but that hadn't happened. Alison had accepted her exile, and Maya had seen the look in her eyes…it had worried her. She recognized that level of self-loathing and self-hate.

Alison instead, had apologized for the damage she'd inflicted. Walls any of the girls had put up as a result of her treatment of them. She told Maya it wasn't their fault, but her own, and Maya had been so shocked by the honesty she'd let Alison talk and walk away.

The second time, Alison had simply pulled her aside to thank her for making Emily so happy. Because she deserved the best. Maya knew then how Alison felt. She'd called her on it, and Alison hadn't denied it, she'd just…tiptoed around it guiltily, because she didn't think she deserved to care for Emily. That Emily was too good.

The third, and last time, had been when Wilden, a detective, had been harassing the girls. Maya had tried to point out how uncomfortable Alison was when he approached them, and when he approached her, but they'd waved it off. Maya had gotten so sick of him, she'd hinted at threatening him. To his face.

The next day, Alison had come to her with a bruised cheek and thanked her for standing up for them. Promised he wouldn't bother them much longer. He hadn't either, he'd moved to another town. Maya didn't need to ask, she knew where the bruise had come from.

"What did she say?" Emily asked.

Maya sighed, "It's not for me to say. Just- she seemed really regretful. When you talk to her, if she shuts down, know it's not because of you. It's probably hard for her."

Emily scrunched her face in confusion and opened her mouth to ask, but before she could Hadley came bounding down the steps in fresh clothes. She paused long enough to let her grandmother smother her in kisses, and kiss her aunt on the cheek before she was racing out to Emily's car where Elaine was waiting.

Emily turned to leave when Maya stopped her again by calling out her name. She turned and found Maya looking at her pensively.

"You should ask about her parents," Maya admitted, "that would probably…get the most answers. Don't- demand to know."

"How do you know so much, if you don't really talk to her?" Emily asked curiously.

Maya offered a small smile, "I notice a lot of things. Things people wouldn't think about, but it's obvious when you put it all together. Don't beat yourself up about it okay? But, don't let the others just assume. Have a good day, okay?"

Emily nodded with a sigh and left. Maya watched her go and swallowed thickly. She hoped she hadn't pointed Emily and Alison in the way of destruction. She understood though, Alison would only tell Emily the things she thought were important unless they were asked. She buried a lot. Maya knew people like that.

She watched as Elaine chatted with her gleefully, happily rather than distant. Hadley leaned forward to interject. Emily laughed at both of them and pulled out of the driveway.

Maya smiled. She hadn't met Elaine much, but she was a good kid. She and Hadley brought the best out of each other. She would never deny them the company of each other.

"You didn't tell her about that night," Maya's mother called from the kitchen.

Maya looked at her mother with a sigh, "I can't. It's not my story."

Maya's mother frowned, "You were with Mrs. Grunwald, though. The two of you found her."

"Mom," Maya interjected, "It's not my story. I'm keeping my word."

Maya's mother sighed but nodded with acceptance, and walked back into the kitchen, leaving Maya to think.

She was right. Maya had been there. She'd seen the blood, the mess, the worry on Grunwald's face- those bright blue eyes tightening with fear. It was…something you couldn't forget if you'd seen it.

She'd never told anyone about it. She'd promised as much. She knew, though, the damage that had been inflicted, would never go away. She felt for Alison.

At least, Alison seemed to be doing fine. Now. Back then, no one was there to protect her, save for Mrs. Grunwald, as far as she knew. Maya could never have been her friend, but that night, she cared about Alison. It had fundamentally changed Alison as a person.

It had changed Maya too.

–

Aria seemed to cling to Emily during school.

She wasn't worried. She knew it was Aria's quiet way of being protective, even if Ben was currently behind bars. She'd fretted over Emily's injuries, the moment they were alone. Emily hadn't had anything other than a sore rib or two.

Paige caught up to her and Aria during lunch. Aria excused herself, the moment she saw the look on Paige's face, and moved to sit with Elaine and Hadley, in place of Alison. Paige paused a moment to watch her before she turned back to Emily with a frown.

"Are you okay?" She was genuinely concerned, and Emily recognized the look in her eyes.

She was overprotective. Borderline, overbearing.

"I'm fine, Paige." She said politely. "Honestly more worried about Ali."

Paige's eyes widened, "Why? Is she okay?"

Emily was taken aback by a similar genuine concern towards Alison. From Paige. If anyone were going to hate her forever, it would have been Paige. Yet, here she was, genuinely concerned. She cared.

Emily felt her stomach fill with something she wasn't used to. Jealousy. The thing was, she wasn't certain if she was jealous of Alison, or Paige. It threw her for such a loop, her mind blanked and she stared at Paige.

"Em?" Paige called, reaching out to squeeze her arm.

"Uh- she says she's fine," Emily cleared her throat, "but…I think she's putting up a front."

Paige sighed, "She does that. A lot. Even when I call her out."

Emily took a minute to regard Paige. Paige seemed to know more about Alison than anyone else did. Alison was clearly still private, and she could tell Paige didn't understand Alison like she did but she knew more about Alison's past than she did. Which was odd, because they'd practically grown up together.

She, the girls, and Ali.

What had Alison hidden from them? What didn't they know, but a complete stranger to Ali did? Well- she supposed, Ali and Paige weren't strangers anymore. They were friends. Decent friends. It was just hard to reconcile. Knowing she'd been so close to Alison, but didn't know her.

"Do you-" Emily started to ask, but paused, unsure.

Paige eyed her before smiling softly and leaned forward to poke her arm, "Go on." She encouraged.

Emily chewed the inside of her mouth, debating if she really wanted to ask or not. She knew Paige would be honest about her answer, and if she felt uncomfortable answering she'd give a solid no. Emily wouldn't be upset. It just…it bothered her.

"She told you…everything didn't she?" Emily asked.

Paige let out a slow breath and replied, "Not everything, but enough."

Emily could tell Paige was being honest. It made her wonder if Alison would tell her enough. Alison was allowed to keep things to herself, but–the more she was quietly learning about Alison's life, the more concerned she was. The guiltier she felt. Because none of them had noticed it.

It felt like Alison had been drowning in front of them, and none of them noticed. How could she not feel guilty about that?

"Alison, she-" she struggled with how to ask, "she…implied, she understood how Elaine felt. About Ben, and…other things."

"Em," Paige sighed, knowing where this was going.

"I know sometimes when you're looking to adopt- it helps a lot if you've had similar experiences."

Paige looked at her, her face contorting. Emily knew Paige wanted to answer it, and that in itself was answer enough. She didn't need an answer.

Emily felt sick to her stomach.

Fuck. Someone did that to Alison.

"Elaine was groomed and abused," she absentmindedly said aloud. She meant to say it to herself.

Paige inhaled sharply and gave her a look. A pleading look to understand, but it wasn't unnecessary because she did understand. She understood all too well. A lot of things made sense, suddenly, and she felt sicker.

"Em," Paige squeezed her wrist, "I can't tell you anything. You have to ask her. Just- it's heavy, okay? When she told me…she couldn't get through it without sobbing, I didn't know she could cry until that day."

Emily nodded, taking a steadying breath.

"You're right. Sorry, I didn't mean to pry-"

Paige offered a sad smile, "I get it. I do, but just know- if she implied it, she inherently trusts you."

That didn't make Emily feel better. It made her feel worse. Alison still trusted her?

"Be Careful, when you ask her."

"I wouldn't hurt her-"

"I meant for you," Paige interrupted her, "Alison is really good about…not hurting herself when it comes to that stuff now, but- it hurts to hear. It's a lot to be told. I care about you too, okay? I don't think she'd mean to, but playing the self-blame game isn't going to help either, so don't do that."

Emily offered a small smile and nodded.

This was going to be a long day.

–

Alison let out a slow breath as she sat on her couch. The folded blankets and pillow were on her loveseat.

She'd had the girls just fold them up, she thought about putting them up later. Elaine wasn't going to be home tonight anyway, she'd asked to stay the night with Hadley. Hadley's aunt didn't seem to have a problem with it, and Elaine seemed to be okay around her.

She knew Maya was a unique personality. They had never been friends, but Alison knew she could be trusted with her daughter. She understood why Emily loved her so much. She was carefree, but she'd grown up enough to be carefree within reason. She was still a free spirit but she could be grounded when needed.

It would be just her and Olivia tonight. That was perfectly fine. Olivia was a joy to be around anyways, her imagination was wild.

Alison slowly rose her hand, eyeing her new splint. Her doctor had taken her in a couple of weeks early, after being told of her incident. He'd also been extremely upset to hear the hospital hadn't properly treated her hairline fracture. They'd shoved her out of the door without anything. They also hadn't warned her or given her anything for the concussion, not that she was blind to it. It wasn't her first or worst concussion. Her Doctor, Dr. Kim, had been upset. He'd promised to ream out to the attending doctor when he could.

Alison believed him.

The only issue with the splint was, it made driving near impossible. She was lucky a friend, Duncan Albert, had been off work and willing to drive her. He hadn't been able to stay, he had plans with his husband and kids, but he was kind enough a working nurse himself, he'd helped her and given her advice.

"Don't fight pedophilic maniacs anymore."

"Gee, thanks Dunkey."

"You're welcome, Lauren."

"Shut up."

The T.V. played a random movie in the background. Her focus was on her laptop that sat in her lap. A pair of glasses sat on her face.

E-mails, how incredibly boring. She thought to herself as she shuffled through what was and was not important. It was part of one the most boring jobs of an adult and parent, filtering through e-mails and discerning which were important which were…not.

She paused as she saw an e-mail from Ezra Fitz. She let out a slow breath, and rather than open it and read it, sent it to her spam. She didn't need to know what he wanted. He was likely trying to get ahold of Aria, anyways, and–Aria had been explicitly clear. She was done with him.

She scrolled further. The only things of importance were purchase notifications from Amazon that pertained to Elaine, she didn't open those (Elaine had her own money, she was allowed to use it for what she wanted), and doctor's notices for both of the girls. Elaine's appointment was coming up soon, and Olivia's was towards the end of the month.

She thought about Elaine's and frowned. Her doctor, her new doctor, had been taking stock of complications from Elaine's previous abuse. She was also doing testing for hormone conditions. Elaine had been terrified hearing the words, but when it was further explained- she'd calmed down some.

The fact she had complications at all, and future ramifications she didn't ask for, made Alison's blood boil.

There was also a reminder for both Alison and Elaine, to attend or schedule their appointments with their therapists. Elaine's had been on vacation, but Alison didn't want to schedule Elaine's without her there. Alison made note of her own and set up the calendar on her phone to remind her.

Nothing else stuck out to her. Reminders of payments didn't really matter when they were set to automatically be paid. Everything else was usually in-person or by phone, it could wait. That…and she felt exhausted.

She wanted to take a nap but knew if she did, she wouldn't be able to sleep.

Her phone vibrated in her hand, as it did she frowned.

Maya- forgot to ask, any allergies?

Alison smiled gently. She'd forgotten herself, but it was important. The reminder of her daughter was enough to lift her spirits.

Ali D.- No, but she doesn't like clams. Texture thing. What about Hadley?

Maya- Walnuts, but if they're in a brownie it won't stop her. She carries EpiPens with her.

Alison couldn't help but laugh. That sounded a lot like Hadley. It reminded her of lactose-intolerant people. They didn't care how shitty dairy made them, they'd still drink a gallon of milk to spite their intolerance.

Ali D.- Thanks, you remember her triggers, right?

Maya- I remember that conversation, yes.

Ali D.- If she gives you any trouble let me know.

Maya- she won't, but can I send you Hadley if she does?

Ali D.- Absolutely, i love her.

Maya didn't reply after that, but Alison was smiling to herself as she set her phone down. She had no doubt if Elaine needed to be sent home for whatever reason, Hadley would be coming with her. Maya seemed to understand inherently too, that Hadley was especially clingy, as much as Elaine was.

She was thankful Maya was so willing to converse with her. They might never be friends, but they were their version of, mom-friends. Trying to schedule and work around each other's work hours, and letting the girls spend time with each other.

They'd even let the girls go to concerts with chaperones. One of them would go if possible and sit in the car so they wouldn't cramp their style.

Alison also understood Hadley's background as well. She had respect for Maya working herself out. Addiction was tough. She'd seen the effects of it on her brother, Jason. They didn't talk anymore, but she knew it was hard to get sober.

She knew Hadley had been in the car wreck with her parents. Maya hadn't been in the car, but a car behind her. She'd jumped out of her mothers' vehicle and pulled her barely conscious niece out before pulling her lifeless brother and bleeding sister-in-law out of the car with help from her father.

Hadley's parents hadn't made it, but Maya had held Hadley's hand the entire time and swore to be there for her. She still had been. Maya had even moved to Hadley's hometown so she could continue work until she'd gotten a proposition in Rosewood that paid better. Hadley had been so tired of the fragile and shunned treatment from everyone, she'd willingly said yes. Even if it meant leaving her ex-friends from the private school behind.

She'd been in her aunt's care for almost three years. Alison knew Hadley adored her aunt. Alison could understand why.

The front door opened, and before she could turn around she heard a high-pitched happy, "Mommy!"

Alison turned around, a smile already forming on her face. Olivia shot through the living room as she stood up to greet her daughter and Emily who shuffled awkwardly at the door. She bent down, using her good arm to scoop her daughter into her, and stood up peppering her cheeks in kisses.

"I missed you!" Olivia exclaimed, giggling, as she pulled back from her mother with a wide grin.

Alison smiled back gently, "I missed you too. Did you have fun with Aria and Emily?" She glanced at Emily, still in the open door, and rolled her eyes playfully as she motioned Emily to come inside.

Emily closed the door behind her as Olivia started rambling.

"I did! Airie and I made vegan pizza! What's a vegan?" Before Alison could answer, Olivia continued talking. "Then we watched doc- docu-men-ta-ries?" Alison nodded and Olivia beamed. "Emily let me choose the music! We listened to Taylor Swift."

Alison couldn't help but snort. She mouthed, 'typical lesbian' to Emily. Emily stiffened for a second before she realized Alison really was joking, and threw back a smile and sat Olivia's bag down beside the door.

"Sounds like a lot of fun," Alison chuckled, "Emily is awesome isn't she?"

Olivia nodded, "She is super-duper-awesome. She's very pretty too."

Alison smiled at Emily as she replied, "The prettiest."

Emily looked away, coughing, and Alison bit the inside of her cheek to keep her smile from turning into a grin.

"Mommy?" Alison looked to her daughter. "Can Emily swim with me?"

Alison hummed. Olivia was already so taken with Emily, and they hadn't even really had the chance to interact longer than an hour at most. Aria had won her over quicker, but Aria was a kid at heart. She also had colored hair, and Olivia loved bright colors.

"Only if she wants to, but you, miss thing," she brushed her nose against her daughter's cheek and laughed, "need to pick up your room. You didn't get to do it yesterday, your sister already did hers. She's going to stay the night with Hadley tonight."

"I hope Haddy keeps her safe," Olivia told her sadly before perking up, "okay you can set me down now. I want to clean my room and do my homework."

Alison set her daughter down. Olivia took a moment to fix her shirt–and action that made Emily laugh, and Alison knew it was because she did the same thing–before grabbing her bag and bolting up the stairs. Alison watched her go and grabbed her tablet, to look at the cameras.

Both of her daughters knew they were there. They had to be, for security and peace of mind. They also knew if they wanted total privacy, Alison or Elaine would turn them off, no questions asked. The only times they were on constantly, were when no one was home, or everyone was sleeping. The one in her bedroom, and the living room were on all the time, however.

Emily cleared her throat, and Alison looked up at her.

"Thank you for picking her up Em, um- could you-" she motioned to the tablet, she was only able to hold it in one hand, it was easier to navigate with help.

Emily noted the splint on her hand as she took the tablet with a nod, "Yeah. Do you want me to pull up her room?"

"Yeah," she smiled, "it's easier for her to wave at the camera if she needs help than it is to yell for me apparently."

Emily laughed and pulled up Olivia's room. She realized after a moment, Olivia had the old guest room. Elaine had Alison's old room, and Alison had taken her parents' room. It wasn't deeply important, but it was interesting. She knew there were three other rooms upstairs, one was likely her father's old study, Jason's room, and an empty room her parents had used as extra storage despite having an attic.

"Thanks," Alison took the tablet back and moved towards the couch, "you can sit down, Em. If you want."

Emily hesitated before she followed Alison, and sat on the loveseat, next to the pillows and blankets that had been used for the pull-out couch the night before. She had helped the girls fold everything.

She'd woken every four hours, as promised, to wake Alison up, but every time she'd woken up, Hadley had shifted closer to her. Because of that, Elaine had gone with her. Eventually, she was on the edge of the couch and gave up trying to let them have their space. She had thrown an arm over both of them and passed out. Alison had been awake and taken a picture of it, one she'd sent to Emily at her request.

Elaine seemed…a lot better that day, and during swim practice, though Emily had made her sit today out with Hadley. Ava and Addison had kept an eye on Elaine, which was odd. Ava was generally nice, but Addison–she seemed to care but was trying so hard to pretend to not really care at all. Despite the deviant she was, she did. Emily had picked up on it and asked Addison if she'd be willing to escort Elaine and Hadley to Hadley's house. They all had agreed.

Their dynamic didn't really make sense, but honestly, her friend group didn't make sense. She couldn't judge them, could she? She just hoped…Addison could be reached before she turned into a complete menace.

"Was Olivia good?" Alison asked, nervously.

She didn't need to ask to know. She knew. Olivia was a good kid, though she liked to talk a lot. Everyone seemed to fall in love with her toddler. She knew Emily had to because she smiled when Alison asked.

"Yeah," Emily laughed, turning to her, "she was really interested in soccer. I think Spencer would love taking her to a game someday."

Alison didn't reply to that, but she did smile. The implication made her smile.

"You wanted to talk," Alison finally told her.

It was easier to get to it, rather than skirt around it and hope Emily didn't ask. She'd promised last night.

Emily sighed, "I did…I mean I do, but I shouldn't have asked last night. You and Elaine went through so much. It was selfish of me. I'm sorry."

Alison shrugged, "You have a right to want to know. I was pretty shitty," Emily nodded and looked away, "ask anything you want. You'll have to trust that I'm being honest."

Emily nodded again and sighed. She'd already come to that conclusion. Alison didn't really…lie to her, as much as she omitted things. She lied to everyone else, but she also knew Alison was being honest.

Emily could ask whatever she wanted, and Alison would answer as honestly as she could to the best of her ability. Emily also understood without being told, if it was explicitly personal to Elaine, she wouldn't answer. Elaine had to trust you enough to tell you herself. If she didn't, you didn't get to know.

It was Alison's way of letting Elaine keep some sort of control over her history. When you were in the system, that was ripped from you.

"Why were you so shitty to us?" Emily asked bluntly.

Alison sighed, "The short of it, I don't know."

"And the long of it?" Emily prodded.

Alison pressed her lips into a thin line and thought about it. She wasn't certain how much Emily would want to hear. If she would believe Alison at all. She hoped Emily would. Not many people did believe her, but if Emily didn't believe her…that would hurt. A lot.

She grew quiet, shuffling, and the mere thought of spilling her secrets–these secrets that had almost been taken to the grave, well. It was uncomfortable. She looked up and saw Emily watching her, concerned, on the verge of changing the subject just to spare her. She didn't- want that. She wanted to be vulnerable, just this once.

It had only been two days, and she wanted to tell Emily everything. Confess so many things. She shifted again and wondered if Emily knew the kind of power she had.

If she even knew she'd ever had power over Alison DiLaurentis at all. No one had ever been able to make her feel as loved, as cared for, as guilty, and human, as Emily could. She…knew what it was. She'd known for some time.

For years. A quiet yearning inside her chest, an ache that would never go away, and now, being so close to Emily…it grew. It always grew.

"Ali-"

Alison knew she had to. She had to be honest. Regardless of her feelings, she knew Emily deserved an apology, all of the girls did, and they all deserved the truth. A step towards that had to start here, with Emily Fields in her living room.

"My mother…" she started, and tried to clear the lump from her throat, "...wasn't a…typical mother. I- didn't show it very well, but a lot of things were…weakness to her. I thought the way she treated me was how I was supposed to treat everyone around me."

Harsh. Cold. Stripping your strengths back to attack the weakness. If you destroyed someone because of their weakness, they could only rebuild themselves up with that weakness gone. That was what her mother had taught her.

Only…it wasn't entirely true. The weakness didn't always go away, and most of the time it was just replaced by something much more vulnerable. Deeper that could destroy you.

Her mother had done that to her all the time. To Jason. No child of hers was ever allowed to show weakness. They had to be perfect. Her father wasn't much better. Anything emotional, and he'd yell at them.

"She…taught me the importance of secrets, how valuable they are," she sighed, "and she encouraged me to be friends with CeCe. CeCe taught me how to obtain secrets, how to use them as an unspoken currency. She doted on CeCe, so I thought…I thought she'd care more if I was like her."

The girls had only ever met CeCe a handful of times. None of them trusted her, especially Emily. Alison had waved them off. She idolized CeCe.

Emily frowned as Alison continued. She didn't know where Alison would end this, but the way she'd started it- it…it left her feeling uncomfortable. She knew where it could lead, and the thought of it terrified her.

"Mother thought I was…so incredibly weak," Alison swallowed and looked down at her lap, "I didn't know how to please her. How to make her happy, and I tried- I tried so hard. No matter what I did, I made the wrong mistakes. Nothing was ever good for her. She kept telling me I was a waste, that I had to stop coddling you girls because I was helping you be weak."

She'd pushed back at first. She had tried so hard because at first, she wasn't a bad friend. Not really. She wasn't always emotionally there, but she loved them. She saw their beauty- but there was only so much she could tolerate before her brain decided her mother was right. Because she gave in.

It didn't make it okay, but she was terrified. Not just of her mother, but her father didn't like the way she looked at them. The way she looked at Emily. He especially disliked Spencer. He didn't like it when Alison would defend Spencer to him.

CeCe taught her how to manipulate. Her mother taught her how to make herself empty. Her father taught her how to be angry. Wilden taught her how to hate. An endless cycle.

Her mother was the worst offender because she spent the most time with her. She hated that who she was slipped through her fingers, because of her mother. That she'd been too naive and trying so hard to appease her mother, that she felt she had to be on top of the world just to make her proud.

She'd shifted gears too quickly. While the survival instinct wasn't her fault, she knew her actions were. Her past could only explain so much, she chose her actions. It was her responsibility.

"Ali," Emily's face was scrunched, as she turned to Alison. A look of recognition on her face, "Why didn't you tell any of us?" She asked gently.

"I was afraid." She admitted.

"Afraid of what?" Emily asked, her frown deepening, "Of us?"

No. Not of you, Alison thought to herself as she looked at Emily. Her mouth parted open, and then she snapped it shut.

The lump was back, and there was this heaviness inside of her chest. She knew she had to be honest. Completely honest. This was the part she hated. Reliving, seeing the sudden understanding on someone's face.

"Of them," she admitted, her voice strained.

"Who?" Emily asked, pushing gently for answers.

Alison knew it wasn't that she meant to Push, but that they were on the edge of this understanding and all Alison had to do was say it so she could finally understand. That was the scary part. The understanding.

She also knew she needed to say it, for her own sake. To feel liberated, validated in some way, that more than just one person she'd told knew.

"My mother, father, and- Darren Wilden."

Emily blinked in surprise. Her mouth parting, uncertain of what to say. It was that…that last name, more than anything. She hadn't heard it in years, and especially not since his arrest, nearly five years prior.

What did he have to do with anything?

Then it dawned on her. Alison was…afraid of her parents? They sounded like narcissists but-

"You should ask about her parents."

"Elaine knew I could understand-" "-she fought my dad. – He was abusive, she has a high pain tolerance like me."

"Just- It's heavy."

Part of it dawned on her. Pieces clicked into place, and she felt sick. The thought of it. Of what they could have missed, what was so blatantly in front of all of them.

"Ali-" she whispered in horror.

Alison's gaze dropped, back to her lap, and Emily saw the tears form in her eyes. She clenched her jaw and just…couldn't look at Emily. She couldn't face the realization or the potential pity that was likely to be thrown her way.

"Mom-" Alison choked, and had to force herself to swallow the lump again, "-mom didn't…like disobedient children. Jason knew that before I did," she admitted, softly, and she…she couldn't stop the tears from leaking, "she had a special belt."

Emily gasped, and froze, her face twisting in complete horror.

Alison closed her eyes tightly at the memory.

Her father wasn't kind either, but he never- he never beat them. Her mother would take a drink before she pulled the belt out of its drawer in her desk, whipping it in the air. A deep frown.

There were times when she cornered Alison, her face looked so sad and hurt, Alison almost thought it hurt her mother. Until her mother would speak.

"This is for your own good. It makes me sad I have to do this, but your grandmother and grandfather did it to us."

She knew what it meant. That her mother was the product of a dangerous circle, but, she didn't- didn't care. She still didn't. What her mother did, what her father did, none of it was right and she knew that now. Knew she couldn't blame herself.

"Sometimes she wouldn't stop until we- I, stopped begging her to stop," and that was the truth of it, she couldn't not beg her to stop, until she was too exhausted to speak, "sometimes she'd throw things."

That was almost worse than the belt. The belt was expected, but sometimes her mother would lose her temper and she'd throw a glass, a plate, a knife. Her mother had picked that up from their father.

Though, their father, at least, wouldn't aim at them, just near them to startle them. She aimed. She aimed and wanted it to connect. If it didn't connect, she got angry.

The only solace she had now, was…her mother could no longer hurt her. Or Jason. As angry as she was for how quickly Jason had abandoned her, to get away from her mother, he didn't deserve any of the treatment either.

"Dad…um," Alison took in a deep breath, and opened her eyes to stare at her hands, "would never hit us…but he- he used to lock us in their wardrobe, and- darker places."

She wasn't ready to talk about the last place he'd locked her in, or the way her mother had demanded it of him, or how quickly he'd complied- but the scars were still there on her hands. The digging, the tearing at the wood, rocks, thorns- the scars were there.

That night was almost too much for her. She still found it difficult to think about.

"Wilden-"

"Alison," Emily interrupted her.

Emily shifted closer on the couch until they were almost touching. Her hand gripped Alison's thigh, squeezing tightly and in a comforting manner. A gentle way of stopping her. Of letting her breathe.

Alison did. She took in steadying breaths, and wiped her eyes, before looking at the hand on her thigh. The hand didn't move, but Emily did turn her body, giving Alison her undivided attention. It felt…easier to breathe with Emily this close, as an anchor to reality, rather than the dark memories of all of it.

"You don't have to continue," Emily told her softly, "I…I know where this is going."

Alison looked up at her face then, and let out a slow breath.

There was no pity, no hate, and it looked as though Emily felt guilt. But the anger she knew was there, had shifted into an inherent sadness. Emily still cared so much for her. She also understood, more than anyone had ever understood Alison before.

Alison knew it was an easy way out, and she didn't have to tell Emily- but…Emily deserved to know. Alison wanted to tell her, now, before she lost the strength to tell her.

"I want to," she sighed and laid her hand over the top of Emily's.

Emily shifted her hand, so their palms pressed together. She gripped Alison's palm tightly and laid her free hand over the top of the hand gripped in her own.

Alison paused to take another deep breath.

"Do you…do you remember when Darren Wilden harassed all of you?" She asked tentatively, "Because of me?"

Alison knew Emily did. He'd made it abundantly clear it was because of her. At first, they'd presumed it was because she asked him too, and then they just…didn't care because it seemed as though Alison had burned him, and he thought they were all friends still.

She nodded.

"Do you remember, that summer I was with CeCe in Cape May? You…" Alison swallowed, "You never asked me to stay…but I knew you wanted me to. We were thirteen."

If Emily had asked her to stay, she would have. If Emily had asked to go, she would have made it happen. She was…so glad, Emily hadn't asked her to go. The thought of the things that had happened to her happening to Emily- she would have been in jail.

"I do," Emily told her, almost reluctantly, "Ali-"

"I met him there," Alison interrupted, looking her in the eyes, "I- I was a child. He knew I was."

She'd had a fake I.D. but there was no hiding her body. How undeveloped it was. He admitted as much later.

As toxic as CeCe was, at least, when she'd found out- she threatened him. She was protective of Alison like they were sisters. When he'd admitted it out loud, to both of them, she'd convinced Alison he was no good.

Until he'd moved to Rosewood to harass her further. He broke her down until she went back to him.

"And- he spent…years chasing me," Alison nearly sobbed out, "When he- him…harassing you girls, was because I tried to leave him. I tried to say no to him, and he knew…my biggest weakness was all of you. He knew I'd give in if he put pressure on you."

Especially Emily. He wasn't bright, but it didn't take a genius to understand how much Emily meant to her.

He'd figured it out before she had.

"Anytime I asked any of you to cover for me to meet a boy…I was with him, trying to keep him happy. Away from you."

It worked, somewhat. Sometimes he'd seek them out, just to mess with her head.

He'd slept with Hanna's mother to harass Hanna. She'd freaked out, and panicked, begging him to leave Hanna alone. Promising him anything he wanted. He pressed her against a wall roughly, and she gave in.

It felt a lot like torture.

"I thought…you were all safer away from me," and they were, the further she pushed them away, the less he focused on them, "so I pushed you all away. It was the only thing I could do."

And then she'd forced him to leave her alone. She'd broken down and found a way to blackmail him. He'd had to accept his fate, and moved.

She didn't know at the time, he had a girlfriend and child he was torturing. If she had…she would have done something more, sooner. It didn't matter now, the girls were hers, and she was going to protect them until her dying breath.

"By the time he left town…I'd permanently lost you all."

Alison's eyes watered, and Emily frowned.

Emily felt sick, gross, angry. Guilty, above all else. She understood what Paige meant. It was a lot to hear, and she was trying so hard not to blame herself for not realizing it. Knowing what she'd been through.

She was trying not to hate herself. It didn't make how she'd been treated, toyed with, okay but, it explained it. It also didn't make it okay how Alison had no one, during that period of her life.

"Alison," she breathed, staring directly into Alison's eyes, "I'm here. I am here, okay?"

Alison nodded, and bit her lip, "I'm so sorry, Em. For everything. None of you deserved any of it, and-"

"Hey-" Emily interrupted, her voice firm, she lifted a hand to Alison's face, gripping her chin and forcing her to keep their eyes connected, "-no. I know where that sentence is going, don't you dare blame yourself for what happened to you."

Emily meant it too.

Alison was trying to take responsibility for her actions, for explaining why, and apologizing- but it stopped there. Alison blaming herself for the things she'd been through, the abuse like she deserved it wasn't right. She knew it was harder than that, but she wasn't going to allow Alison to blame herself for that.

Alison still had to make amends with Hanna and Spencer, but Emily? Alison was still clearly punishing herself. She didn't need to do that. She also understood, however, that forgiveness was tricky.

That's the thing. She was actively forgiving Alison, and maybe she shouldn't this quickly because she knew it would take time to completely trust Alison, but- she took Maya's words to heart.

She stepped forward, with bravery. Towards Alison with bravery, extending that branch to allow Alison to show her just how much she changed.

She meant it.

She was there for Alison, she wanted to be. Things had changed, but she was certain of one thing.

"I am," Alison cried out between sobs, "so sorry. I really am, you all deserved so much more than I could ever give you."

"Ali," Emily pulled her into an embrace, holding her tightly against her, "we only wanted the real you. That- all I want."

"I can do that," Alison promised, trying to take a steadying breath.

She still cared deeply about Alison DiLaurentis.

It took time for Alison to calm down. It felt like hours, but Emily didn't mind. Alison needed to be comforted, and she was happy to provide that comfort.

Alison eventually pulled back and whipped her eyes.

"I got your shirt all wet."

"It's fine," Emily smiled gently, "Thank you…for being honest with me. I'm sorry-"

"If I can't blame myself, you can't blame yourself," Alison argued, "it's…a lot. I wish I had told all of you sooner."

Emily understood why she didn't.

"I get it," Emily nodded mostly to herself, "I- I want to be in your life again, Ali. If that's…okay? If that's what you want."

Alison smiled, despite her tears, and looked so happy to hear that.

"That's one of the best things I've ever heard," she chuckled, "only second to 'congratulations, you're a mother'."

Emily chuckled back, "I can only imagine," she cleared her throat, "I want to get to know you again, and your girls. If that is-"

Alison squeezed her hand.

"That is even better."

Emily's smile widened, and she beamed. Despite the sadness, the heaviness, this felt a lot like taking a step forward.

Emily would never forget what she'd been told, but…she understood Alison better. She knew how strong Alison was, now, stronger than she'd ever imagined- how could she not want to know her? Know her daughters?

She wanted to be present in Alison's life, and for the first time, it felt like Alison was going to let her do that, in whatever way she wanted.

NOTE:

I chose the main physical abuse aggressor, as Jessica, because it made sense for this AU. Trust me, you'll find out why later.

I also chose Maya's fate, the way i did, because it also made sense. In this- her brother won't be addressed much, but I do want Maya to show up every once in a while. I also chose HER to be the one to recognize the signs of abuse on Alison, rather than the girls, because she was far enough removed, AND I feel as though she would have been the kind of person to look at things others wouldn't have.
The girls, if they'd have known, WOULD have helped Alison, but she didn't want them to know so she pushed them away. Made them hate her, she thought that was HER helping them. Maya never really knew Alison, so Alison couldn't do that to her.

Hadley and Maya's tragic backgrounds also aren't "just because", when you're a deeply traumatized person/have gone through tragedies, you gravitate towards people who have too. It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do there, how I wanted to explain them.

Also, that "night" will be addressed later B) trust me.

The girls will all make an appearance as well. None of this absolves Alisons, but an explanation as to WHY you act a certain way can certainly do a lot. Even if they never forgive you, it helps.