Author's Note: This chapter was meant to release with chapter 4, because I thought it was important to show you what Alison's life was like. So here you go, note, I DOES GET DARK. This chapter, obviously, is set in the past.

I promise you though, you will get plenty of Emison fluff soon!

Please be kind to others and the world around you.

Highschool Junior Year.

Alison's eyes fluttered closed, and her focus turned into a tunnel vision. A pinpoint of thought.

Emily.

She thought of sweet, brave, kind, Emily. Emily who loved her. Who praised her, and saw something worthy of love. Someone Alison hadn't seen, could never have seen. Not at the time. She was a cruel monster.

But Emily loved her. Loved, her.

Why? I'm no good. I ruin people. Things. I'll ruin her.

Her heart pounded a sad ache in her chest, at the mere thought of that. Of ruining her sweet Emily.

Despite what her mother believed, Emily contradicted it. All of it. Because there was no part of Alison that could have ever believed Emily was weak for caring or being emotional. She wore her emotions on her sleeve, and let them fuel her strength.

I wish I could be like Emily. I wish I could feel so strongly, it was never weak. How does she do that? How does she make…feeling so beautiful?

That's what it was to her. What Emily was to her, despite what she'd said before. Or hinted at before. Emily was beyond beautiful, the way she truly cared. The way you could see it all swim in her eyes, a brightness she'd never seen anywhere else. Like a beacon on the shore of a beach calling you home.

Emily's kisses were so light, so gentle, but so full of what Alison thought was love. Every time they'd kissed, Alison felt herself filling with this genuine lightness she didn't deserve, and it terrified her. She knew if she gave in, she'd succumb to it, everything Emily was, and never be able to turn away.

That was dangerous. It was dangerous because Alison, logically knew what it was. What she was feeling. Because Emily made her feel it, and to an extent, the other girls did too at times.

It was dangerous, and Alison had to force herself to stop thinking about it before that four-letter word finally popped into her head. She knew if it ever did, she'd surrender to the feeling, and she'd become reckless because that's what people who felt it were. Could be. Reckless. Truly reckless.

The more Alison thought about it, the more she hated herself.

She'd pulled from Emily, after the kisses, the little moments that surely had to have confused Emily. She'd pretend they meant nothing. Practice, but they weren't.

She closed herself off, and she knew she was distancing herself more and more. She knew it wasn't right. That she was getting worse, because of it.

I have to. I have to. I have to. She repeated to herself and clenched her jaw. She clenched her hands into fists, and tilted her head upward, defiantly, in Alison fashion. I'm no good. I ruin things.

It wasn't safe to be close. It likely wouldn't be for some time, because Darren Wilden had leverage. Targets. If she didn't listen, he could get away with it, if he really wanted to honestly.

If anything ever happened to her mermaid, she'd never survive. She'd crumble into nothing. Cease to be. She felt that so surely in her being.

I have to make them hate me.

It was the only sure-fire way to keep them safe.

She hated herself for it. For all of it. She felt sick, disgusting, and the feeling kept getting worse every day. The self-loathing. It only fueled her treatment, and she partially defended it to herself, because she had to keep them safe. Away from Darren.

Alison heard the movement before she felt it. She clenched her eyes shut tightly, and her body tensed before she could think about it.

The belt whipped across her back, the metal buckle biting into her bare skin. She gasped out, stumbling forward from the full force of it. She tried so hard not to scream or cry. That would just make it worse, she knew.

"Stand up straight," Her mother told her firmly, somewhere behind her.

Alison panicked and forced herself to stand up straight, clenching her jaw tighter. Her eyes had already begun to water. She clenched fistfuls of her skirt, in her palms and tried to inhale to prepare.

Her panicked mind tried to shift back to Emily. Her pinpoint this time. Something to just block out the impending sense of dread with each hit, at least until her body moved on autopilot.

All of the girls had been her pinpoint before. Emily, was just that, more often than the others. Alison could work her mind up into a blinding stupor of possible futures, with Emily. Because she knew what she wanted, despite how impossible it felt.

The belt hit her again, snapping painfully against her skin. Alison could feel the studs that time, a replacement belt, she presumed…or her mother's good belt. It drew blood this time, the amount of force put into this hit had been three times the amount of the first one.

She stumbled, this time unable to stop herself from crying out as she dropped to her hands and knees. She whimpered, as she sat there, the cool air from the house felt like it was biting against the warm liquid she could feel draw down her back. It was entirely unpleasant. She hated it.

"Get up." Her mother told her.

She looked down, and her first instinct wasn't to obey this time. It was to fix her bra, with a single hand.

She was shirtless. Her father had realized they'd put on shirts that lessened the blows, and had pointed it out to her mother. When they were being punished, they were forced to take their shirts off. Especially Alison.

"If you want to be a dirty whore-" her mother hit her with the belt again, drawing it back just as quickly as Alison slumped forward, her palms pressing against the hardwood with a pained cry, "-do it on your own time!" Another hit. This one was more excessive than the rest. "Stand up!"

She struggled to push herself up. She felt…tired, the pain took a lot of you. She was nowhere near the point of exhaustion, but she didn't want to face this. This pain. God- why did her mother have to do this.

She was halfway up when her mother impatiently struck her again. She stumbled forward, catching herself against an end table. She knocked the vase over, and it broke on the ground. The sound was deafening. A lump formed in her throat.

Oh god…she's going to make me pay for that.

"I- I didn't mean to-"

The belt struck her again, knocking her to the floor. She could hear her mother's angry breathing. She turned on the ground, sitting herself down, and raising her palms up to try and stop her mother. It didn't work.

Her mother struck her again, this time catching her arm and shoulder. She cried out, sobbing as she pulled her arm back and held her other hand up, tucking her head into her shoulder to try and block it out.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" She pleaded. Her mother struck her again, catching her side this time. She felt the pointed studs against her skin. "Please stop!"

There it was. Another mistake. One she made every time. One that seemed to just…upset her mother. One she shouldn't have made, according to her mother and Jason.

"You know she'll hit you harder because of it. Don't do it." Jason told her. He never agreed with her, that their mother shouldn't do it. "This is our life, just adapt to it."

Her mother snarled, stalking forward, and hit her twice with the belt in quick succession. Not as hard as the others, because of how quick they were, but they hurt just the same. The first, was against her bare legs, before she brought it swinging back, and struck the hand still up and her face with the second hit.

Alison cried, sobbing harder, and curled into a ball, in hopes of trying to protect herself.

"Stop!" Another crack, against her other leg, "Please! Please stop!"

Three more. One reaching out, hitting both arms wrapped around her head. Another against her back again. The third, against a thigh. Dangerously close to where a scar was, that Wilden had given her. Her mother had scoffed at the wound. Blamed her for playing around with men.

"Stop begging!" Her mother screamed, bending down as close as she could, to surely be heard. "Begging is a weakness! No daughter of mine will be weak! You take this!"

Another, hard hit against her back, what felt like straight down her back. It was hard enough to make her yell out, howling in pain, and arch her back as she fell forward, on her elbows again.

This was her life. It was all she knew.

Maybe she deserved it. She was a ruiner after all-

I don't deserve this! She screamed at herself internally. No one deserved this!

–

The front door slammed, hard enough to jolt Alison out of her slumber. Her head shot up, and suddenly her entire body felt pained. She hissed out, slowly forcing herself to sit up on her bed. She winced and hissed with every movement.

She couldn't remember making it to her room, let alone her bed. The last thing she remembered was the woozy movement of walking, her mother barking something at her–Jason's eyes flickering away from her, guiltily, as he came home. Only muttering out hellos and locking his door.

Alison blinked, looking at her open door. She had to do a double-take. There, was her older brother, paused by her door and staring at her in shock.

Her mother had been a lot…more brutal than she normally was. Alison could look down and know she'd have to replace her sheets. The blood wasn't…a dangerous amount, but it was enough to soak into her sheets at some point. Her front was littered in cuts from the hard studs as well.

Jason took a step forward, looking her over with a frown, and Alison felt anger. Pure unadulterated anger.

He hadn't protected her since she'd been eight. He hadn't tried to help her. She was fending for herself.

The last time she helped him was when she was eleven. She tried to help pull her brother up to stand up because he was struggling with their mother standing nearby. The belt in her hands. Her mother had lashed the belt out and hit her arm. Alison had pulled back in shock. Jason had gotten mad at her for trying to help later.

Told her she never did anything but make it worse.

What kind of brother was he? He was out with his friends all the time, getting drunk or high. Leaving her here to be the main focus of their parents. She was suffering more because of it, and he didn't care. She didn't think he cared.

"What?" She asked him stiffly.

He took a step into her room, and she wished he wouldn't have. He shifted anxiously and kept looking at her. Like she was fragile. She was angry at him.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," she muttered out to him and turned to grab her phone from her bedside table.

She let out a pained gasp and sat back up arching her back. Her face screwed into a pained expression. Her phone was clutched tightly in her hands.

Jason took a step into her room, like he cared suddenly, ready to try and help. Until she set him with a glare that was so full of anger, he paused and was genuinely surprised by the sight of it.

"Ali-"

"Go away, Jason," she ordered, as she looked down at her phone, noticing the time, "I have to get cleaned up and go out."

She looked away from him for a second.

"You can't meet Wilden," He pleaded suddenly, and she looked up, "I know what he does to you. You can't-"

"You know nothing!" She hissed out at him, unwilling to yell and wake up whichever parent was still in the house. "You lost the right to give me your stupid input. You don't know anything. Go away, Jason."

Jason seethed because Alison knew he thought he was right. He was, but not in the way he thought he was.

"He's dangerous!"

"I know! I don't have a choice!" Jason's eyes widened in surprise and morphed into fear. Alison let out a breath and tried to relax herself. Her tensing body only hurt worse. "Go. Away."

He paused, conflicted, and Alison knew what he'd choose. He'd turn around and run away like always. She knew that. He knew that.

"Go. You don't want to be here."

He frowned, and Alison stared him down until he turned and left.

Alison took a long moment to just breathe, and push her brother out of her mind. She closed her eyes and continued breathing. She thought about Emily, the girls, and suddenly she had a small surge of strength.

She pushed herself off of her bed and shuffled painfully to her bathroom. She paused long enough to close and lock her door.

She was slow in how she moved, but she had time. There was no pressure to force herself to hurry. She gathered clothes, something easy for Wilden to remove. She didn't need him to get frustrated and tear her clothes again. Her father would get upset, her mother would scoff and threaten to make her wear the torn clothes.

Jason would ignore her.

She moved to the bathroom and stared at the flowing water after she started it. She let her mind go blank for a minute before stripping down and mentally preparing herself to feel the pain of her wounds being washed. It was always the worst part. Taking care of herself after. Everything was tender and sore.

She cried as she did most nights, in the shower. Begging. Hoping, for something to change but knowing it never would.

She cursed the people who knew but would never help her.

Most of her parents' co-workers. Peter Hastings. Ashley Marin. She could die and they'd all let the world believe whatever sob story her parents told.

She was everything, and yet she was absolutely fucking nothing of worth.

–

Alison stared at the outside of the hotel. She sat comfortably, against the passenger seat of Carla Grunwald's car. It was a…habit, at this point. Grunwald wouldn't tell, though she guessed what was going on.

When Wilden was the angriest, or the most…concerning, Alison would ask Grunwald to take her to the hotel. That way if anything ever happened to her, someone knew the truth. She didn't care if there was ever justice for her, she just wanted someone to know the truth. To know it wasn't entirely because she was a bad person.

It wasn't a random person Wilden would likely set up.

Grunwald cared about her, and she didn't understand why. She was tired of pushing everyone away. Grunwald knew everything because she'd found Alison roaming the streets late at night after a particularly hard night with Wilden. Alison stumbled into her arms and broke down.

It was as if Grunwald could feel every bit of pain. Alison needed help, from an adult, she knew that. Grunwald was the only trustworthy one in her life. The one decent one she could go to. That would help her lick her wounds, and remind her it wasn't her fault. She was an odd lonely old woman, but she cared.

Grunwald also knew she couldn't tell anyone without Alison's say so. She understood how complicated her family and life was, that without impeccable timing, it would only make things worse. She remained quiet, even though it hurt her to see Alison become weathered and hopeless the longer it went on.

"Alison," Grunwald covered one of Alison's hands with her own, a tight smile of reassurance, "I'll wait right here for you. I won't go anywhere, dear."

She meant it too. Alison knew she did.

So she swallowed and smiled back before exiting the car. She walked inside, with dread in her chest. Nothing felt right. This always felt so wrong. The sweet and kind moments were so rare now, she knew how this would likely end.

She made her way to the desk, almost numbly. The crooked-looking manager at the front desk rolled his eyes at her and slid a key towards her. She swallowed, clenching her jaw, and took it. She had no bag. She didn't plan on staying all night. She wanted to wait until he was done, and let Grunwald help her lick her wounds. Maybe this time Grunwald would convince her to listen, to tell someone at least about Wilden.

She walked down a long corridor, examining every number until she found the right one. Once she had, she slipped the key in and turned it. She opened the door just a crack and peeked in. The bed was already disheveled. There was no one in sight, but she could hear water running.

She sighed in relief and stepped forward. Into the room. She closed the door behind her and turned around. Before she could react, she was thrown against the door. She cried out in pain and could feel it. Her hands instinctively came up to push the body that pressed against her, away. She was already panicked.

"You're late," Wilden, whispered unkindly into her ear as he leaned into her.

She could feel it. Feel him, beneath his towel. Her eyes began to water. Fuck. He's going to really hurt me this time.

Before she could say anything, he grabbed a fistful of her hair and dragged her towards the bed. He threw her on it, and she had only a second to turn around and crawl her way up its length before he threw himself over the top of her. His hands gripping her wrists. His eyes shined with annoyance.

"You know the rules," He leveled her with a look, "I'm kind to you, aren't I? I'm the best thing to happen to you." He reminded her.

You're not. The girls are.

"Aren't I?" He demanded, squeezing her wrists.

"Yes!" She cried out.

He leaned down, trying to kiss her. She turned her head, dodging his lips. He growled impatiently and moved his hands from her wrist to her chin and neck, holding her in place. He knew what he wanted. He was determined to get it.

"Don't turn away from me."

–

By the time she crawled back into Grunwald's car, she was bruised. Bleeding again in places, places he'd dragged his teeth along. A bruise was forming on her lower abdomen. She hadn't even bothered to button her shirt completely, or her pants.

Grunwald gasped but kept to herself. Alison was still crying. She always was. She laid herself against the window, as Grunwald started the car and began driving.

Alison went numb. Her mind was blank. She was hurting, and it was obvious. This couldn't go on much longer, the both of them knew that. Wilden was destroying her body, and her parents were destroying every aspect of her, every day. They also knew very few would actually believe her.

When they got to Grunwald's small two-story home, Alison let Grunwald take her by the arms and pull her inside. She let Grunwald silently clean her, only wincing when too much pressure was put on one of her wounds. She wasn't told to take a shower, or bath, because Grunwald knew she was too sore.

Grunwald simply…took care of her. Though Alison knew from the look on her face, she wanted so desperately to help. To get Alison away.

They'd talked about it before. Alison running away would do no good. Her parents would send someone after her. Wilden would come after her, likely. Or they'd slander her, get her back and lock her up to keep her quiet.

There wasn't a shortage of what any of them would do to protect themselves. Nothing was foolproof. Nothing ever would be.

"Alison, dear," Grunwald whispered, "I think you should go to bed."

Alison nodded, silently, her eyes watered. She was on the verge of sobbing again, and Alison couldn't help but let out a strangled cry. She didn't want to sleep. Time would pass too quickly, and she'd have to go back home. She'd have to start this cycle all over again.

I want to stay here forever.

"Alison," Grunwald sighed out but gave her a sympathetic frown.

"Please don't make me go," Alison begged her.

Grunwald didn't say anything. She sat next to Alison and wrapped her arms around the girl. Giving her a single moment of safety, because no other adult in her life had ever given that to her.

Neither spoke, but they knew, they knew she had no choice.

They could both only help that Alison would be freed in the future.

–

Darren- Don't forget how easy it is for me to touch them.

Alison looked up, away from her phone. She felt eyes on her, and couldn't help but look up. Across the cafeteria to find Spencer, not for the first time, watching her sadly. Not as though she knew, but that she was simply saddened by the distance between them now.

That sudden urge…that itch to walk over, and tell Spencer–all of them hit her. It always did. She had to remind herself she couldn't. She couldn't bring any of them into any of it. It wasn't fair, especially when she'd painted a target on their backs by existing. By being friends with them, prior.

She sighed. Looking away, as her eyes dropped to Maya and Emily, curled into each other and smiling gently. Talking about something with Hanna, who had her boyfriend Caleb, rolling his eyes affectionately at her.

Her own table was full of conversation, but she'd snapped enough at everyone near her, they stopped trying to include her. She looked back down at her phone and leaned away from Noel Kahn, as he eyed her. He got the hint and turned back to talk to one of the girls they were with. She felt like crying again.

She felt empty. Nothing. Worthless, and not for the first time- she wanted out. She wanted out of all of it. She was exhausted. She wanted peace of some kind, and it felt as though she'd never get it.

Feeling another pair of eyes on her, she looked back up and found Maya watching her. An understanding in her eyes that made Alison freeze and panic, hoping to god it wasn't real. She didn't know Maya. Would Maya tell?

Then, Maya shook her head and looked at Emily again. Alison felt herself relax slowly. She looked around her own table, no one had noticed. No one.

Suddenly, she felt alone. Like she was sitting in an empty void. She needed help, she knew she did, and she was- god she was sick and tired of waiting for the end. The end of anything, pain, life, everything- she felt sick.

She needed out.

She looked across the room again and took in the sight of all of the girls. They looked relatively happy. In love, loving each other, happy and she wished she could be there. With them.

God.

She needed out, so she could be there, with them.

She took in a deep breath and pulled her phone out. She needed help, more than just Grunwald. She was going to find her out.

She wanted to leave this painful cycle. Before it killed her.

Before she lost them, altogether.

NOTE: alright, i promise the next chapter will be lighter. I also want to point out, Jason isn't meant to be hated. When you're abused, you make very difficult choices. It does not mean Alison can't be mad at him. It's a complex thing.
This also isn't the longest chapter. It isn't meant to be.

Funfact, I call this AU the AdoptAU. If you're interested, the song that inspired this chapter is Brave by Riley Pearce.

Also you will be getting some Hanna-ness soon so look out for that in a future chapter.