Chapter Eleven

Roya woke up early as she couldn't face either of the twins after last night. Once she was dressed, she put her hair in a ponytail and grabbed her car keys. Heading for the door she quickly left and didn't look back. She needed a few hours to herself to think. There were so many emotions still going through her and right now she felt like a complete whore for what she did. She texted Tyler and Nikki that she wasn't feeling well and wouldn't make it to breakfast.

Fuck is wrong with you Roya? She scolded herself as she wasn't even sure where she was going to go. Suddenly she got messages from Joshua and Jonathan apologizing for what happened. Groaning she couldn't even respond; sure they felt like shit making moves on her when she just broke up with Darren but what she did was on a completely different level. From a young age her mom always told her that girls who fool around with multiple guys are sluts and should be ashamed of themselves. Never in a million years would she think she could do something like this and with the twins. Just as she felt tears start to form in her eyes, her phone started to ring. At first she ignored it but then after a few moments it started to ring again. Looking at her phone, she realized that it was Joe calling her. Sniffling she reluctantly answered.

"Hello?" Roya said

"Ro, you okay? Are you crying?" Joe asked

"I'm okay Joe." she lied

"You don't have to lie to me sweetie. Josh and Jon texted me this morning about feeling like complete assholes for coming on to you last night. Don't worry they don't know about what each other did. That's why I'm calling you.' he commented

"I feel like a piece of shit Joe." Roya cried

"Shh, look Ro, come back to that gym you were at yesterday. I need to talk to you and it sounds like you need to talk to someone. I told you I would always be here for you and I meant it. I'm going to text you the address." he said

"Okay. Thanks Joe." she replied as they ended the call. Roya awaited his text and once she got the directions she was headed to the gym. Thirty minutes later, Roya pulled into the parking lot of the gym and exited her car. Joe was waiting for her with a warm hug. She quickly embraced him and he let her cry.

"I'm such a slut Joe." Roya cried

"No, don't say that! You are not a slut. I wish you guys could have been honest with each other years ago so no one would have to be in this situation." Joe replied

"What are you talking about?" she asked

"Let's go inside and talk." he stated as he led her into the gym. Finding an empty training room, they sat down and Joe thought over his words before speaking.

"What are you not telling me Joe?"Roya asked

"...Joshua and Jonathan have been in love with you for a long time. Both of them have just been fearful of what could happen if they admitted it to you. They worried if you didn't feel the same way, it would ruin your bond." Joe started as Roya felt her heart drop, she knew how Joshua felt because he told her but she just excused Jonathan's actions as him being super drunk and possibly horny, "Neither of them know that they both have feelings for you. And have asked me numerous times for advice on what to do. Imagine how weird it was when we were dating and they would express how much they wanted you."

"This is a nightmare." Roya groaned as she put her head down, "So wait, when we were dating I remember there were times that you couldn't honestly explain to me what was wrong with you. And you would avoid me. Was it because of what the twins would talk to you about?"

Joe nodded, "It was pretty difficult being with the person that two of your closest cousins were in love with behind their backs." with a sigh it felt good to admit that to her. When they broke up he never gave her an honest explanation. Even though they both were over it and let things be what they were, he still wanted her to know the truth.

"This is making me feel like more of a piece of shit to be honest." she admitted

"Because you love them both?" Joe asked as her eyes widened and he gave a reassuring smile, "It's okay, after a while I figured it was the case but kept it to myself. I mean it's not that unthinkable to be honest. You grew up with them; two of the best men in your life have always been within arms length. So why wouldn't you fall for either of them or both of them. They are twins after all."

"They maybe twins but there is so much that makes them different. And it's those differences that make me love them differently. Jonathan pushes me to challenge myself; he never lets me settle and can be unapologetic in his honesty when I need the truth the most. He's that tough love I need when I have to get my shit right. Whereas Joshua has that softer touch; he lets me vent, is a shoulder to cry on when I don't need a lecture just someone to listen and then give me advice. He has this nurturing personality that makes you want to run into his arms." Roya commented surprising herself.

Joe smiled, "Sounds like if they were one person they would be the perfect man for you."

"But they're not and I could never choose between them because I would still be thinking about the other. Even when I kissed Jon, I had thoughts of Josh cross my mind. And when I kissed Josh, Jon crossed my mind." she stated

"And that's why I think you should talk to them. Tell them how you feel. Right now they feel like shit because they feel like they hurt you." he commented

"Telling them that I love them both will probably hurt them more than anything and I don't think I can do that." she said

"Well you can't run from this forever, truthfully if all of you were honest to begin with no one would have been in this situation. So instead of continuing to pretend like this isn't happening, face it head on. That way the three of you can find a solution." he stated

"But what if they can't accept that I love them equally? I couldn't deal with them hating me." Roya sighed

"Then that's their problem if they can't accept it. You can't help who you love and how many people you love. It's not crazy that you fell for two men who are twins. But cross that bridge when you get there. First talk to them, tell them the truth and let them tell you how they feel. In this situation it's better to not overthink how they are going to react. You will end up creating the worse case scenario before even talking to them." Joe said. He was right, at this point she had to be honest with them and herself. If they were going to move on from this, it would take putting everything on the table and then deciding what to do after.

"You're right Joe." Roya said

"Of course I am." he smirked as he hugged her, "I'm here for you Ro. Even if you need me to put them in a headlock for you after. But I honestly believe everything will be okay."

"I hope so." she commented

After Roya was done talking with Joe at the gym, she decided to met up with the Bellas and Tyler for lunch. She explained everything to them. Nikki and Brie had already heard what happened from the guys and to Roya's surprise they had been coaching the guys behind the scenes on how to handle their love for her. Unintentionally Nikki had become team Jonathan while Brie was team Joshua. But they understood why Roya would love the both of them. Tyler always knew that Roya was in love with the two of them and was happy that she was finally able to be honest with herself.

They each gave her advice and it was basically what Joe had told her already. She she messaged the twins that she would come back to the house and needed to talk with them. This was definitely the hardest thing she ever had to do but it had to be done. The Bellas and Tyler said their goodbyes and wanted her to keep them posted. Once Roya pulled up to the house, her nerves started to get to her. Her hands were shaking but there was no turning back now. Taking out her keys she opened the door and felt her stomach drop as Joshua and Jonathan were sitting in the living room waiting for her. They both had worried expressions on their faces. Jonathan was sitting by the kitchen counter while Joshua was sitting by a couch. She closed the front door and walked in over to the couch opposite to Joshua.

"You all right Ro?" Jonathan asked as he noticed how tense that she was

"...I need to be honest with both of you before I bitch up and run back to my car," she paused as she gathered her words, "Last night I did something that I never thought I would do and I'm sorry. I got up this morning and felt like a complete piece of shit. I ran out and couldn't face either of you."

The twins looked at her oddly and as they couldn't figure out why she felt bad. Jonathan felt he had took advantage of her while he was drunk and should have respected her more especially with her coming off of the Darren situation. Joshua knew it was wrong to make a move like that on her and shouldn't have let his want supersede her feelings.

"I...ma," Roya felt her body start to tense up even more

"Ro, it's okay. Say what you need to say." Joshua stated as he reached over and put a hand on her knee.

"Last night both of you made advances at me," Roya paused as the twins looked at each other with a what the fuck expression, "And I responded to both of your advances."

"Wait...what?" Jonathan asked as he narrowed his eyes at his brother

"We both came on to you..." Joshua let the words wrap around his head, he had been so focused on what he was going through that he didn't even notice anything between Jonathan and her.

"Yes...and because of what happened I realized that... I am in love with the two of you. What happened wasn't something random, it was something that had been building for years and I have been denying it and pretending that I only see you as my brothers. Mainly because I could never choose between you two if it ever came down to it. I love you Jon because you force me to pick myself up when I'm going through struggles and give me the needed tough love. I love you Josh because you are my shoulder to cry on when I have had enough. You both balance me and allow me to be myself. So naturally I would fall for both of you. And that's why I feel like shit. Last night Josh, you expressed to me how you felt and it hurts me that as much as I feel the same way about you, I can't lie to you and pretend that I don't feel the same way for Jon as well." Roya explained. It was a weight off her shoulders but now that everything was on the table she feared their reactions.

"...Despite being drunk and initiating anything last night, I did it because I genuinely have those feeling for you Roya. I wish it happened when I wasn't drunk, but I would do it again in a heartbeat." Jonathan admitted. Something in Joshua's stomach dropped as he listened to his brother. It felt awkward hearing him talk about Roya like that. It was one thing to dislike Darren being Roya's boyfriend but knowing Jonathan loved her too was a completely different situation.

"And I as much as I hate myself for doing it, I honestly enjoyed everything that happened last night with both of you." she replied

"So what now? As much as I respect your honesty Roya, if both of us want you, there is the problem of what happens next." Joshua commented

"Clearly things can't go back to the way that they were; after what I experienced with you there is no way that I can just be your "friend". I have to be real with myself. I want love and I can't go back to pretending that I don't." Jonathan added

"Agreed. There is no way after last night that I can be around you and not want to repeat last night." Joshua stated

Roya sighed. She expected this, "I don't know what happens now, I just know if you want me to choose between you, there is no way I can do that. I would be doing a disservice to both of you and myself."

"So in other words, we all don't know what the hell to do." Jonathan said

"I'm sorry." Roya sighed as she felt tears forming in her eyes

"Don't cry, Roya. As much as it hurts me, we can only respect your honesty." Joshua stated

"I...need some air." Roya said as she stood up and left the room. This was too much and she knew she had hurt them.

Jonathan sighed, "Really bro?"

"Don't get mad at me." Joshua sighed as he ran a hand through his hair

"...I'm not mad, I get why you love her. It's just...shit, this is definitely not what I expected." Jonathan replied

"Me and you both. I was so busy with my own feelings that the thought of you wanting her too never crossed my mind." Joshua said

"I don't want to pressure her but I can't just be her friend at this point. If I were to go back to pretending, I would slip up and put us both in an uncomfortable situation."Jonathan admitted

"You're right, it's not an on/off switch. Once it's on, it's on. But, lets try to give her time. She feels bad enough and honestly this is something new to us as well. I don't want us to start acting funny." Joshua commented

"I would be lying if I said I didn't want to put you in a headlock right now." Jonathan said

"I understand, the thought of putting you through a table has crossed my mind numerous times already. But you are still my brother and I love you. Plus, I really do understand." Joshua replied

After a few moments Roya walked back in with her head down, "I want to say I am sorry again and if you both end up hating me, I can understand why."

"Neither of us hate you, this is a situation we all brought upon ourselves. If someone had said something years ago, things wouldn't have had to get to this point." Joshua stated

"Right, this is just as much our fault," Jonathan agreed, "I know this is a messed up situation but I don't want to screw up our friendship and don't want to hurt my brother. So we need to figure something out."

"And you're right, I just don't know what to do." Roya said

"Again this isn't just on you. We all have to figure this out together," Joshua commented, "But for now I say we get some sleep."

"Took the words right out of my mouth." Jonathan said as he pushed himself off the counter. They all looked at each other as no one knew what to do. At this point the twins would usually hug her and say goodnight but all of them remained frozen. Jonathan sighed and just made his way upstairs to his room. Roya quickly made her way to the guest room while Joshua soon headed up to his room. This was something none of them ever wanted to experience. Each of them knew they wouldn't get much sleep tonight. This situation would be weighing to heavily on them.