His heart beat rapidly against his chest feeling like it was going over a thousand miles per hour as he gripped his spiral notebook in his hands, Sonic shifted in his spot wanting to meet both Shadow and Knuckles gaze yet he couldn't do it. The blue hedgehog felt foolish at the moment just as he did when he first tried to talk to Shadow. His blue pointed ears were instinctively pinned against his head as he almost stood trembling in his place.
'This is going to sound stupid to them...' A morose thought fleeted through his mind causing him to feel more like nervous wreck than before. Sonic stood away from his friends who instantly noticed his inner turmoil. He felt scared...for so long he had to wear his mask. He had to pretend or feign his confidence and happiness, he had to bow down to the worlds expectations with a fake smile on his lips. But now he had the chance to be free of this mask now... He was damn sure he was going to take that chance.
A surge of confidence filled up Sonic's lungs with a warm feeling, he trusts Shadow just as he trusts Knuckles. They are his friends who want to listen to what's wrong, they do care. 'It's okay...I can do this.' Shadow gave Sonic a look of reassurance that also helped him gain more of the real confidence he often feigned.
"I know I've been avoiding talking about what was wrong...you saw through my mask and called me out on it...thank you." Sonic flashed a tiny grateful smile towards his friends, but the smile was gone as quick as it was there while Sonic continued to speak. "This might not make sense, there's a chance I'm being stupid about this...it happened really a few years ago. It was just a thought that festered into this looming presence that wouldn't leave. So I began to write things out into my notebook about me." He started whilst tapping said notebook with his index finger, "I never wanted this life you guys, I'm sick of living in the expectations and demands from the people of Mobius, I started to notice how toxic and forceful people were about me. I wasn't a person to them, I was just like a toy they could use and break thinking I would be okay with it."
Sonic's voice grew hard and heavy like lead towards the end, his emerald eyes were tainted with an exhaustion leaving circles under his eyes that left him looking haunted. It felt...so freeing to speak about this...even if it's just a small summary of the beginning to really opening up about his problems it was enough appease the uncertainty he had been feeling more. "They didn't care how far they pushed me. It took some time for me to realize that those I considered friends weren't real friends at all, I was just an ally to them to use whenever times were difficult. I didn't see anybody as a real friend after a while...my trust in people has been messed up and I kept everything bottled up..." Cobalt blue quills bristled as they began to sit up to signify that he was truly more than a little upset. Shadow could feel the crackling chaos energy within Sonic flow like a slithering snake poised and ready to strike, this wasn't good. Knuckles could sense the energy radiating from Sonic and moved to approach Sonic but Shadow raised his hand to stop the echidna, shaking his head so Knuckles backed off while eyeing Sonic cautiously. With a glance from the corner of ruby red eyes the former rival could see Rouge appear with her arm linking with Knuckles while they watched the two hedgehogs silently.
The ultimate lifeform felt momentarily stunned to say the least, feeling like he had no words to say in response to Sonic's revelations or to calm down the speed machine before he winds up accidentally hurting one of them or himself, he didn't know if there were even words to say to comfort the cobalt hedgehog when it hit him... He does know what to say, he's said these words to his friend before. Momentarily berating himself, Shadow took Sonic's peach colored hand gently in his own. The younger hedgehog took a deep shaky breath at the physical contact but didn't pull away.
"Faker. I am real. I care. I am here. Everything I've told you is true." Slowly Shadow pulled Sonic to bring him closer and Sonic didn't object, simply letting Shadow pull him into a hug while running a hand through Sonic's quills to let them go down. Sonic began to feel anger pulsing through him, wanting to rage out at everybody who hurt him. To make everybody hurt as much as he did but he didn't feel right thinking like that. A frown appeared on his muzzle, the mixture of emotions were almost anguishing for him, he wanted to be mad and push Shadow away...why did he care so much when he never did in the beginning?
People he came to love and call his own family batted their eyes when he first asked for some kind of help, they scoffed at him, belittled him, he was harassed by not only his family but complete strangers to change into the perfect hero in their eyes. He wasn't supposed to be helped. He was their hero, he needed to save him and not the other way around.
Nobody saved him. That's just the way it was. Was.
Then why was Shadow here? He never cared before...so why is he here? Why is Knuckles here? How come Rouge cared?
Where was everybody else?
Why...why did Amy begin to get warped the more she she listened to the world instead of the other way around. How did Tails begin to grow up into such a an over-confident jerk with an ego bigger than the Master Emerald?
Why did Sonic feel like this? Why does this bother him so much? Why couldn't he just be grateful for what he has instead of crying pathetically into his former rivals' arms like a child.
"Because this isn't okay to bottle things like this up. Look Faker. I'm sorry I didn't see through that mask before, if I had I could've helped you then. I regret being one of the people to belittle you in the past. I only saw who you were pretending to be. I want to help you be the real you." Shadow said softly into Sonic's ear, Sonic didn't even realize he was whispering all of these questions aloud until Shadow spoke to him. The ebony creation could hear the hushed sniffles that turned into sobs wracking through Sonic's body as he cried quietly. Fat tears rolling down his cheeks while he gasped for air to breathe. Shadow only held Sonic closer, letting the younger one full of anguish cry out his pain.
The notebook that held him together dropped almost noiselessly to the floor, the papers crinkled lightly almost tearing at the not so gentle landing. A brief glance could show you the endless amount of writing covering every page, words that told Sonic's point of view of the heartache he felt at the hands of those he loved. The grief he kept inside as he wore a mask plastered to his face hiding his true shining self.
I apologize for the short late chapter, school hit me like a bag of bricks. Please leave a review of what you thought of this chapter or if you have questions, comments or concerns. I appreciate them and will be getting to them soon. I admit I feel a little exhausted writing this one, sorta free ya know. Hope you readers enjoy and thank you so much for your support.
Edit: I have some free time now, this means I'll be getting to all of my stories I've been putting off. Siiiiiiiiiiiigh, my friends made me a Tumblr account and want me to show it off I guess because they won't stop pestering me about it... It's a Sonic only account where I'm a dork for him. *grumbles* follow me at 'purely-chaos'. I'm 90% more active on there than on here and definitely more talkative on there. I also made an AO3 account (PurelyChaos) where I'll put up my stories there too if you prefer that site better. Geez this was awkward, newest 'Faker' update will be this Friday. Tails is totally getting his butt kicked. We hear from Commander about Amy's escape. :)
Sonic has opened up some more, letting everything out. The intimacy between Shadow and Sonic is very strong. Also a sidenote, do y'all like the Knuckles and Rouge pairing? If you've noticed I've been kinda showing those two together and if your opinions are positive we'll see more of their relationship in the next chapter. Well...until later guys! :D