Tails sat down on the GUN agent's furniture, Knuckles ended his rant minutes ago, leaving the teen alone with his thoughts in a disheveled living room. Tails thought that when Knuckles left, so would his guilt. But it hadn't. Instead the guilt only worsened with each passing second in which another memory of Sonic came fleeting by.
'I've been the worst brother to ever possibly exist. How could I do this to Sonic?' Tails thought to himself, how could he redeem himself? Did he even have a chance at forgiveness from Sonic? Would he even deserve to be forgiven?
"No...I don't..." In his hands was the notebook, he held it gently. Afraid that it might tear or mess up Sonic's journal. Shutting his eyes, Tails breathed in deeply once, then his eyes snapped open and he flipped to the first page of the notebook. The diary entries were out of order in different dates, but his gaze flickered to the many different dates until he found the oldest of them.
Dated seven years ago. A single sentence that spoke volumes.
I'm starting to not feel...well...like me, it's as if I'm a faker with a mask of dishonesty.
Tails blinked, Sonic's repeated different varieties of the same answer across multiple, if not all of his entries. A faker. Is that what being a hero did to him? Guilt settled into his stomach, feeling queasy and ill, though Tails went through more pages.
Smile. Smile. Bite back your words and smile. Nobody will notice.
They don't notice.
I'm not me.
They don't notice.
I'm hiding.
They don't care.
I feel barren.
They don't care.
I've got lies to share.
The sardonic like poem was like a hard punch to the gut. After reading again and again, Tails tried picturing Sonic in his head. The image of his brother smiling widely came to, how can someone with the brightest, happiest smile feel like this.
Sick with guilt, Tails turned the page quickly, hoping to get the image of Sonic smiling widely out of his head quickly. It's the same image, it's the same Sonic, except Tails can see how forceful and utterly fake that smile is.
"I'm so, so sorry..." Tails voice is shaky with regret, "I should've helped you. I should've been there for you." The kitsune is far too absorbed in his self pity to notice that he's not alone.
"Except you weren't." Sonic's voice cut in, Tails looks up in shock to see Sonic standing in front of him. Sonic looked and sounded exhausted, even if Tails hadn't eavesdropped on Sonic and Rouge he still would've instantly knew that Sonic had been crying. There was the undeniable sign of almost puffy eyes, most likely from rubbing at them too hard and crying his heart out, the hedgehog's voice held a strain to it, raw with grief.
How it pained the kitsune to see his brother, his role model look broken, where he can finally see the damage and the what the weight of the world has cost him
"I'm sorry." Tails said, "I'm sorry."
"Are you really?" Sonic asked it, hoping to believe it, but his heart sank when Tails did not answer.
Tails was going to say yes, he was sorry. The guilt chipped at his conscious mind. Tails is sorry, but he began to think harder, think between the blurred lines.
He is sorry for this, yes, but was he wrong?
No. There's no possible way he could actually be wrong.
Tails knows he's intelligent, it was rare for him to be wrong. The world has always told him of his role, the always correct brother of the hero, Tails knows what's best for his friends and family. Even if his decisions can hurt those he cares about he can't be wrong.
What Knuckles said wasn't true. What Rouge said hadn't been right. They don't get the right to question Tails because they don't understand how to see the bigger picture. All of his decisions and controlling behavior is all for the greater good.
So...Tails is sorry, but this how it should remain to be. He is sorry, but he's not wrong.
"...No..."