nightelf37: So, I'm sure you can familiarize yourself with Happy Tree Friends with a few YouTube videos, but as for what SCP-3922 is, here's a quickie.
SCP-3922 is a 3-centimeter wide coin that has three moons on one side, and the word REASSURANCE in the other. When placed within one meter of a television set or a computer, SCP-3922 will significantly alter the content of any fictional films, TV shows, online videos, or commercials, usually through the addition of actors in padded combat uniforms and gas masks, henceforth SCP-3922-As. These instances will impede and/or punish any and all crimes (as perceived by SCP-3922-A instances) committed by the cast, though in accordance with the show's MPAA Rating.
Given all the gore and shenanigans the Happy Tree Friends are known for, I figured "What would it be like if SCP-3922-As intervened?" This is what this fic is about.
Let's begin with Season 1.
Disclaimer: SCP-3922 belongs to the SCP Foundation website. Behavior reflected by SCP-3922-As in this story may not fully reflect their actual behavior in Foundation canon. Happy Tree Friends belongs to MondoMedia.
SCP-3922 Test Logs: Happy Tree Friends: Internet Season 1
Subject: "Spin Fun Knowin' Ya", December 24, 1999
Interference Point: At the opening credits sequence.
Result: After Lumpy's introduction in the opening, the show also introduces a trio of bears dressed in SCP-3922-A uniforms under the name "Three Moons Health Safety Officers", after which the show continues as normal. When Lumpy starts spinning the merry-go-round well above velocities safe for children, the Three Moons Health Safety Officers enter the scene, one instantly cuffing Lumpy under charges of "endangering of sapient humanoid life", and three gripping the merry-go-round and slowing it down to a halt. One of the three then lectures Cuddles, Giggles, and Toothy about safe play in the merry-go-round. In the background, the airplane that Cuddles was supposed to die in is being towed away by SCP-3922-A instances for improper parking. Thepisode ends with an "iris out" on the merry-go-round. The end credits phrase "Don't forget to floss!" has been replaced with a PSA on Playground Safety Regulations before proceeding to the usual end card displayed by SCP-3922.
Note: Every episode from then on will always introduce the "Three Moons Health Safety Officers" after every other character, replace the moral with their own PSA(s), and end with their usual end card.
Subject: "House Warming", December 31, 1999
Interference Point: At the beginning of the episode.
Result: When the short begins, Handy has been assisted by several SCP-3922-A instances as they inspect the materials of Petunia's treehouse for any "spontaneous combustion components". Petunia is being inspected as well by SCP-3922-As for similar reasons. Short then proceeds as normal. When the treehouse combustion occurs anyways, some of the SCP-3922-As momentarily argue over how it was even possible or if someone was negligent on the inspection while other SCP-3922-As and Handy urge Petunia to jump as they catch her. As she does and is caught successfully by the Three Moons Health Safety Officers, more SCP-3922-As get to work on extinguishing all present fires, both on the treehouse and on Petunia. Once all fires are extinguished, Petunia is carried away to a Three Moons-marked ambulance, Handy joins her inside, one SCP-3922-A talks with the beaver on getting prosthetic hands, and the episode ends with an "iris out" on his stubs. The moral "Smiles are always free!" has been replaced with a PSA on Combustive Materials Inspection.
Subject: "Helping Helps", January 7, 2000
Interference Point: Just before Giggles could be decapitated by a tree branch.
Result: Two instances of SCP-3922-A using jetpacks flank Splendid and guide him away from the branch that would've decapitated Giggles. After escorting the two to Giggles' house and to her mother, after bidding them goodbye, the two SCP-3922-As take Splendid with them and lecture him on observing his surroundings to avoid any more people from getting killed and intend to take him in for training. The episode with an "iris out" on Splendid and his new companions as they fly off into the sunset. The moral "Don't forget to stop and smell the roses!" is replaced with a PSA on Heroics And Observing Your Surroundings.
Subject: "Crazy Ant-ics", January 28, 2000
Interference Point: Right after the ants have hammered a stake on Sniffles' tongue.
Result: Ant instances of SCP-3922-A storm the house and detain the Ant Family before they could start grating Sniffles' tongue, then remove the stake pinning it down. Back on the surface, Sniffles is pulled away by bear SCP-3922-As, and his bloodied tongue is extracted. He's pulled away to a Three Moons-marked ambulance, where a Three Moons Health Safety Officer warns him against poking his tongue at places he has no business poking and hopes this teaches him a lesson. In the background, an excavation team in heavy equipment was digging at the spot where Sniffles had been sniffing around, and unearthed a certain artifact before storing it away in a special container. The episode ends with an "iris out" on Sniffles. The moral "Buckle up for safety!" is replaced with a PSA on Proper Home Defense and Proportionate Retribution.
Note: Why didn't the SCP-3922-As intervene sooner? Was there some standard for the proportion of deserved retribution before it goes too far that they deem it necessary to step in? - Dr. Shizuno
Subject: "Havin' A Ball", February 4, 2000
Interference Point: Right before Pop can cross the street to fetch the ball for Cub.
Result: Three Moons Health Safety Officers block Pop from crossing as they tell him that risking his life for a child's toy is not worth it and tell him that his and Cub's safety is worth more than his happiness. And then it turns out one more SCP-3922-A was on the other side of the street and tosses Cub's ball all the way across the traffic and onto the HSO's arms. The ball is returned to Cub, much to his satisfaction, and he and Pop were bidden farewell as they left the street side and the episode ends. The medical helicopter carrying Lumpy throughout the short has been replaced with one marked with the triple moons. The moral "Eat your Veggies!" is replaced with a PSA on not crossing heavy traffic.
Subject: "Water You Wading For", February 11, 2000
Interference Point: At the beginning of the episode.
Result: The lake where Cuddles intended to dive into has been fenced off and is under guard by SCP-3922-As. While a few of them are busy relocating the wildlife in it, killing those that attempt to kill them, the Three Moons Health Safety Officers show Cuddles the sign and pointedly tell him there's a reason it exists, and shows the relocation in progress as SCP-3922-As sedate a crocodile as an example of why it's there. Flaky approaches Cuddles and convinces him they could play somewhere else and they wander off. The episode shortly ends with an "iris out" on the sign. The moral "Don't breathe under water!" is replaced with a PSA on Obeying Signs.
Subject: "Nuttin' Wrong with Candy", February 18, 2000
Interference Point: When Nutty attempts to slide his arm under the vending machine slot to get his candy bar.
Result: A Three Moons Health Safety Officer pulls Nutty away from the vending machine, and another HSO arrives when he starts showing extreme resistance. They promptly sedate him and take him away while commenting on his unhealthy diet. As an insult to injury, as soon as they were gone, the vending machine finally drops the candy bar, and the episode ends with an "iris out" on it. The moral "Wash behind your ears!" is replaced with a PSA on Proper Conduct Around Vending Machines.
Subject: "Wheelin' and Dealin'", February 18, 2000
Interference Point: At the beginning of the episode.
Result: SCP-3922-As oversee the race, preventing Lifty and Shifty from conducting their cheating. Handy appears with a pair of prosthetic arms made with Three Moons technology, which will remain with him during all of his appearances afterward. The two wheeled vehicles take off, leaving the green raccoons in the dust as they're unable to do anything. The race proceeds in a fair manner and ends in Handy's victory and the episode ends with an "iris out" on him. The moral "Look both ways before crossing the street!" is replaced with a PSA on Fair Play.
Subject: "Pitchin' Impossible", March 3, 2000
Interference Point: At the opening credits sequence.
Result: A Three Moons Health Safety Officer stands with Lumpy at his carnival stand. When the Mole offers money to play, the HSO turns him down, stating that his blindness would not only prove detrimental to his play, but be a risk to all living beings in range. In the background, the lever operating the ferris wheel is guarded by a pair of SCP-3922-A instances. As the Mole is forced to move on, Petunia continues playing and finally scores a plushie. The episode ends with another HSO advising the Mole to get a guide dog, and an "iris out" on him. The moral "Take your vitamins!" is replaced with a PSA on Guidance For Blind People.
Subject: "Stayin' Alive", March 10, 2000
Interference Point: Just before Disco Bear can grab onto Giggles' hand to dance with her.
Result: A Three Moons Health Safety Officer grabs Disco Bear's arm before he could, warns against taking a woman's hand without consent, and threatens to take him away if he continues to harass Giggles and Petunia. Disco Bear opts to join the tea party, and the HSO keeps watch over him, warning him whenever he tries again to make advances without consent. The episode eventually ends with the trio sighing in contentment after they all sip another cup of tea, an "iris out" on Disco Bear. The moral "An Apple a day keeps the Doctor Away!" is replaced with a PSA on Proper Consent and Gentlemanly Conduct.
Subject: "Treasure Those Idol Moments", March 14, 2000
Interference Point: The entire episode.
Result: Due to the Cursed Idol having been taken away during the episode "Crazy Ant-ics", it does not make an appearance here, and so no deaths occur. Events of Toothy, Sniffles, Cub, Flaky and Lumpy commence as they normally would, though Flaky was soon told off by a Three Moons Health Safety Officer against hanging upside-down in the jungle gym, Toothy is saved from decapitation by another HSO who catches the swing and tells him to be more careful around them, and a third HSO calls for Pop (who doesn't originally appear in the episode) to keep watch of Cub and take the time to play with him. The episode ends at Lumpy's segment, though without the crash. The moral "If friends were flowers, I'd pick you!" is replaced with a PSA on Evil Artifacts And What To Do In Their Presence.
Note: It's strange seeing a sense of continuity in this show now that nobody's dying in it. - Dr. Shizuno
Subject: "Chip Off the Ol' Block", May 3, 2000
Interference Point: Beginning of the short.
Result: A Three Moons Health Safety Officer approaches Pop and urges him off the hammock and to take over mowing the lawn. Events proceed as normal, including the snagged brick, though with Pop instead of Cigarettes inspecting it. The next notable deviation from canon occurs when Pop's lawnmower runs over the shards of glass. Instead of Cub, it's the Three Moons Health Safety Officer watching over him that almost gets shredded by the debris were it not for an energy shield they set up just in time, though one shard slices her cheek. Another HSO promptly destroys the lawnmower with intent on consulting the manufacturer, then arrests Pop for his accidental murder attempt and says he could've easily killed Cub with his actions. Once he's taken away, the episode ends with Cub looking at the almost-murdered HSO as she picks up the baby and an "iris out" on them. The moral "Plant kindness and gather love!" is replaced with a PSA on Lawnmower Safety.
Subject: "Nuttin' but the Tooth", May 19, 2000
Interference Point: Beginning of the short.
Result: Instead of Toothy, it's a Three Moons Health Safety Officer who approaches Nutty to inspect his teeth. As the HSO does their work, another HSO has pulled Toothy aside in cuffs and tells him the consequences of doing dentistry without a license or experience. The operation takes approximately 35 minutes, which is displayed in detail. Once the operation ends, the HSO gives Nutty a sugar-free candy, which he takes with interest. Once Lumpy enters the clinic for his operation, the episode ends with an "iris out" on him. The moral "Brush after every meal!" is replaced with a PSA on Dental Malpractice.
Subject: "Hide and Seek", May 26, 2000
Interference Point: After Flippy throws a knife at the woodpecker.
Result: SCP-3922-A instances close in on Fliqpy and the whole hide-and-seek game becomes an outright battle between the two parties as Toothy, Flaky, and Petunia are evacuated. Fliqpy attempts to kill the SCP-3922-As, but they've all managed to evade his attacks and traps before he's hit with a taser bolt that instantly renders him unconscious. A Three Moons-marked van arrives and Fliqpy is loaded inside for PTSD therapy, after which the episode ends with the three kids watching them go, and an "iris out" on them. The moral "After the rain comes a Rainbow!" is replaced with a PSA on PTSD.
Note: I'll have to admit that that was a cool fight scene. Too bad it looks like this will be the last we'll see of Fliqpy if I know SCP-3922-As. - Researcher Timer
Subject: "Whose Line Is It Anyway?", June 2, 2000
Interference Point: At the end credits.
Result: Notably, the Three Moons Health Safety Officers aren't introduced in this episode. The moral "Adopt a pet!" is replaced with a PSA on Digesting Blowfish. Otherwise, the entire episode remains unaltered.
Note: This is the first time SCP-3922-As have not intervened at any point in the episode. Perhaps it's the fact that Russell died by his own actions alone and has not murdered anybody here. - Dr. Shizuno
I pegged them on arresting him for acts of piracy, but I remember he doesn't actually ever do any of those things. - Researcher Timer
Subject: "Boo Do You Think You Are?", June 9, 2000
Interference Point: Beginning of the episode.
Result: The scene begins with Sniffles, Giggles, and Flaky seeing the haunted house they were about to visit closed off by SCP-3922-As for violation of OSHA standards. One SCP-3922-A urges them to move along, and they do. The scene cuts to the indoors, where Three Moons Health Safety Officers dismantle the attractions that killed the main cast in the original run. The episode ends at the dismantling of the lava/molten copper cauldron with an "iris out" on it. The moral "Don't take candy from Strangers!" is replaced with a PSA on Haunted House Safety Regulations.
Subject: "Mime and Mime Again", June 16, 2000
Interference Point: A few seconds into the short.
Result: A Three Moons Health Safety Officer is seen alongside Mime. When Toothy's bandages start unraveling due to Mine's actions, Mime gets pulled back by the HSO having mimed a lariat, tied up with mimed rope, and warned of having possibly killed his audience. After ensuring the bandage is properly secured, Mime is "cut free", and his performance continues without further incident apart from HSO wanting the electric fan inspected for its potentially absurd cutting power. The episode ends with an iris out on Mime's face as he winks to the viewers. The moral "Silence is Golden!" is replaced with a PSA on Performance Distancing.
Subject: "You're Bakin' Me Crazy", June 23, 2000
Interference Point: Lumpy's arrival at Petunia's house.
Result: A Three Moons Health Safety Officer arrives to arrest Lumpy for giving contaminated food, negligent house conditions, streaking, and the murder of Giggles. Petunia watches in confusion as the episode ends with an "iris out" on her. The moral "Watch a sunrise!" is replaced with a PSA on Multitasking Limits And Electrical Safety.
Subject: "Tongue Twister Trouble", June 30, 2000
Interference Point: When the Ant family sets a plush mouse on Sniffles' trapped tongue.
Result: A Three Moons Health Safety Officer skates over and intercepts Honey/Mittens with a spray bottle, and another skates in to protect Sniffles' backside from the ants trying to tie a rope to him using insecticide. After the cat is dealt with, the first HSO uses an ice pick to break off the ice Sniffles is trapped at, then takes him and the piece of ice away from the lake and onto a campsite for treatment and to admonish them for eating a sapient ant. Judging by the HSO's dialog and tone, they seem to be the same one who saved Sniffles before from "Crazy Ant-ics". The episode ends with an "iris out" on the piece of ice on Sniffles' tongue. The moral "Mind your manners!" is replaced with a PSA on Tongues On Ice.
Subject: "Meat Me for Lunch", March 2, 2001
Interference Point: When Lifty and Shifty run out of Lumpy's butcher shop with their stolen goods.
Result: A pair of SCP-3922-As swiftly arrest the duo for theft and take them away. A third SCP-3922-A carries back the stolen meat back to Lumpy's butcher shop. The episode ends. The moral "Read a Book!" is replaced with a PSA on Theft Is A Crime.
Note: This is surprisingly straightforward. - Researcher Timer
Subject: "Sweet Ride", March 10, 2001
Interference Point: Just as Cuddles takes off on his skateboard with his ice cream.
Result: A Three Moons Health Safety Officer rollerskates over to Cuddles and orders him to stop. When he does, the HSO tells him to finish his food before skating, as the ice cream is at risk of being wasted if he spills it while skating. Once his ice cream is finished, the HSO allows Cuddles to leave. Nutty appears as normal, but without an ice cream to chase, he just creeps there. Another HSO then arrives to lecture him on cleanliness and starts removing the candies stuck to his fur. Cuddles skates too close to the beehive as usual, then stops at the stairs where he would've died in the original version, and the episode ends with an "iris out" on him. The moral "Don't jaywalk!" is replaced with a PSA on (Not) Eating While Skating.
Subject: "It's A Snap", March 17, 2001
Interference Point: When Splendid enters the scene to see Lumpy's situation.
Result: Two jetpack-wearing SCP-3922-As, seemingly the same ones from "Helping Helps", join Splendid. The three cooperate in removing the bear traps, the SCP-3922-As using handheld laser blades to snap the bear traps open. Once all the traps are out, Splendid gathers them all together and one of the SCP-3922-As orders him to use heat vision to melt them down into scrap metal, which is promptly cooled with a freeze ray from the SCP-3922-A. The same SCP-3922-A leaves with Splendid, scrap metal in hand, while the other escorts Lumpy out of the trap-infested woods, after which the episode ends with an "iris out" on Lumpy. Cub is not seen in this episode. The moral "You don't need a reason to send Flowers!" is replaced with a PSA on Disarming Bear Traps.
Subject: "Off The Hook", March 24, 2001
Interference Point: Start of the short.
Result: A scuba-diving Three Moons Health Safety Officer approaches Russell and takes him away for not possessing a licensed "Diving Buoy" to warn fishermen from throwing their lines at his location, where he runs the risk of getting hooked by them. This act saves him from the anchor Lumpy drops from his boat as he proceeds to fish. The episode ends with Lumpy catching a fish, and an "iris out" on his catch. The moral "Don't Litter!" is replaced with a PSA on Divers and Fishermen.
Subject: "Spare Me", March 31, 2001
Interference Point: When Sniffles starts playing.
Result: A Three Moons Health Safety Officer stops Sniffles from sucking on the bowling ball with his snout with an explanation of what would happen: a broken snout at best, decapitation at worst. Scared off of the action, he is urged to use a lighter bowling ball instead, and manages to land a Strike. In the background, the Mole is being led away from the bowling alley. The episode ends with Handy drinking from his bottle, but naturally without his injury, and with an "iris out" on him. The moral "Laughter is the best medicine!" is replaced with a PSA on Proper Snout Use.
Subject: "Snow What? That's What!", April 7, 2001
Interference Point: At the end credits.
Result: Notably, the Three Moons Health Safety Officer aren't introduced in this episode. The moral "Never eat the last cookie!" is replaced with a PSA on Winter Dangers. Otherwise, the entire episode remains unaltered.
Note: This is the second time SCP-3922-As have not intervened at any point in the episode. Perhaps it's the fact that Cro-Marmot has no feasible means of changing his situation, even though he's been able to move about offscreen. - Dr. Shizuno
Subject: "This Is Your Knife", April 14, 2001
Interference Point: Beginning of the short.
Result: Flippy is joined by a Three Moons Health Safety Officer, who's keeping watch on him. The HSO joins the camp and the episode proceeds as normal. When the crackling of the flames put Flippy in a trance, the HSO speaks the word ██████, and Flippy returns to his senses. The phrase appears to keep Flippy from becoming his "Fliqpy" persona. He, the HSO, Cuddles, Giggles, and Flaky have a peaceful time at the camp without incident, and the episode ends with an "iris out" on each of them and Flippy. The moral "Plant a Tree!" is replaced with a PSA on Treating PTSD.
Note: It seems the SCP-3922-As have a trigger phrase from Flippy that's meant to keep "Fliqpy" from coming out. - Dr. Shizuno
Subject: "Happy Trails, Part One", October 20, 2001
Interference Point: Beginning of the short.
Result: A quartet of Three Moons Health Safety Officers are also present in the bus ride. One of them pulls Cuddles back inside the bus and admonishes him for sticking his head out, where obstacles can easily harm him. Thanks to this, when Lumpy bumps over the rock, the closing window doesn't decapitate Cuddles. The second HSO performs the Heimlich maneuver while the third provides a portable pot for Petunia to relieve herself in while he chastises her for drinking too much on the road. The fourth HSO tells Lumpy to keep his eyes on the road. The school bus reaches its destination (a Three Moons campsite) without incident, and the part ends. The moral "Keep your promises!" is replaced with a PSA on School Bus Ride Conduct.
Note: I wonder what the next part is going to be like, given the large change in narrative. - Researcher Timer
nightelf37: And that's it for now. See ya on Third!