"You're such a fucking bitch!" she shrieked.
Lexi stormed out of the house, tears plastering her face like war paint. She could hear Cassie's cackle from inside the house, and she was shaking from fury. She crossed the lawn, jogging to the sidewalk, pressing her palms into her eyes as she walked. She gasped for air, trying to keep the sobs at bay, but they just kept coming. Her sister could be so fucking mean sometimes, and today, of all days, was not one where she felt like defending herself. It was her dad's birthday, and it had thrown the house into a tense awareness, but nobody had mentioned it. For some reason, Cassie started picking on her. She let it go, over and over. Considered her sister maybe experienced the pain and needed to release some of it, to ease her own issues. Until she finally got pushed to bursting.
She hurried down the sidewalk, heading for the park around the corner. Tears kept coming, she felt like a little kid, trying to hiccup them back, but it was bringing everything to the surface.
She tried to call Kat, but she'd sent her to voicemail. She considered the time. Maybe she could walk to Rue's, but then remembered half the time Rue was dazed and doped up, and it would remind her of her dad even more. She shuddered from the pain, more tears came.
She succumbed to the need to call him, even though he was probably working. He gently had told her a fair few times that certain hours were dedicated to business, and it was Saturday afternoon, which means, she presumed, clients were gearing up for the weekend.
He answered almost immediately.
"You good?" he asked, and felt his chest tugged on as he heard a shuddering sigh from the other end of the line.
He was in a trap house, somewhere on the outskirts of the city. Just finished a quick deal, unloading some product for an associate of his. He didn't let his face give anything away, just clenched his jaw.
"I'm sorry." She sighed, trying to catch her breath, settling down on the edge of the playset. A toddler walked past her, not paying any mind.
"Where are you?" he asked.
One of the kids in the trap house looked at him with wild eyes, watching Fez impatiently as he stacked the baggies on the table in front of him. It was crusted with filth, a smell that lingered made him slightly nauseous.
"The park around the corner from my house." She sniffled.
"I'm just finishing up something. I'll be there soon." He said, and hung up. The click startled her, but she felt a little bit more settled. She stood from the playset, found a tree to collapse under. She waited for about twenty minutes, letting some of the emotions work themselves out. When she heard the familiar grumble of the engine approaching, she tried to gather herself further. She looked up, watched him as he crossed the park. Ash was in the car, passenger seat. Shit, they had been working. He sat down beside her. She couldn't meet his eyeline, she was too embarrassed. He waited, quietly, for her to say something. Nudged her arm with his shoulder after a long moment.
"Just don't understand why they take their bullshit out on me." She finally whispered.
"Your mom? Cassie?" he asked, and she nodded.
"Today's my dad's birthday and they were both just…fucking fighting. Like cats in a bag. Not talking about anything. Just acidic."
"Yeah." He nodded, understanding.
She wiped her eyes again. "How's your day going?" she asked, cheerful beneath the weight of her tears. He smiled.
"It's whatever." He said. "I don't like to hear you crying, Lex."
"I'm sorry." She said.
He let out a quick breath. "That's not what I mean, you don't gotta apologize. Just sayin'."
He wondered if he was being comforting in the way she needed. He was sure some guys, better for her than him, would do something right, or do something better. He had very few experiences with comfort, he didn't have time for it growing up, so delivering it was a bit foreign to him. He learned what he knew from movies, TV. He tried lifting his arm, patting her on the back a few times. She let out a watery laugh.
"Thank you for coming." She said, finally looking up at him. Her face was red and swollen, her cheeks red and splotchy. Not unattractive, there probably wasn't anything that would make her beauty less stark, but he still felt a lurch of helplessness seeing her like this.
"You wanna go get some food?" he offered.
"I don't want to interrupt if you guys are busy." She said. "I just didn't know who else to call."
"You don't need to explain yourself." He said. "I get it, that's why I'm around. Come on, get a burger with me and Ash."
He stood, putting his hand out, pulling her up.
"Get in the back." He said to Ash as he approached the car. Ash groaned, but didn't argue, and climbed into the backseat. "C'mon now don't get salty she's the only one you have to sit in back for, you know the rules."
"Why you sad?" Ash asked, leaning between the two of them, throwing his arms over the seat.
"Why not?" she said, arching a brow in his direction. "Lot to be sad about in this world, don't you think?"
"That's depressing." Ash said, throwing himself back onto the seat, crossing his arms.
"We're gonna go get a burger." Fez explained.
Sure enough, the greasy cheeseburger and floppy fries from the Sonic did improve her mood. Soon enough she was joking and laughing with the pair of them, forgotten was the reason she started getting upset in the first place.
At first, settling down into the bed seemed awkward. Like there was a line of paint down the middle, and he refused to cross. They faced each other though, both on their sides.
"Do you dream a lot?" she asked him. "I always heard if you smoked enough weed you have less dreams."
"Huh." He considered that. "I dream every night, so I guess it must not be true."
"What about?"
"Shit, I dunno." He said. "Sometimes I dream about gardens. Like these long, massive, maze gardens. With all sorts of animals in them. I just walk around 'em."
"That sounds nice." She said.
"Why you still up talking with me?" he asked.
"Mostly because I feel like I'll fall asleep and you'll be gone." She said. Her eyes were heavy.
"I'm not gonna go anywhere." He assured her. "I'ma be right here when you get up too."
She finally crossed the line, reaching for his hand. Curling her fingers in his. She poked his toes with hers, then, feeling daring, slid her leg between his. His pulse quickened, she felt so goddamn good.
"Come here, then." He said, and she shyly scooted closer to him. He slid his free arm underneath her head, pulled her face into his chest. She sighed, content, breathing in the smell of him. It was the same, at the base, but with new notes of new soap, new cologne. He was under there, though, the layers.
He realized they'd never once slept in the same bed. He'd kept her at arms distance, the whole time, out of concern, out of protection, but also out of the fear of his own heartache. To let himself get too close was dangerous. Now, though, with her right here, in his home, as safe as they both could possibly be. No crackheads showing up pounding on his screen door all hours, no gunshots up and down the block. A different life than they had before.
"Fuck." He said softly, without realizing he let the word escape his mind before it happened.
"Hmm, you alright?" she asked, moving her head back to look at him. They were nose to nose, he could feel the warmth of her breath on his face. He cleared his throat, closing his eyes.
"You just feel good." He heard himself admit.
"Yeah. So do you." She whispered, moving her face down again. She reached up, putting her hand on his neck, rubbing gently with her thumb. She traced his beard with her fingertips. He thought he might burst from the way the tenderness was driving him crazy.
They were still, aside from the slow careful movements of her hands on his neck, and then chest. Her breath was getting slower, deeper. He felt her muscles begin to relax, the tension easing, she was getting heavier in his arms. He let himself lean forward, putting his nose in her hair, breathing deeply. The luxury it was to have her there, to hold her. He wondered if this is what heroin felt like, like the way she smelled right then.
In her sleep, she moved her body closer to his, he squeezed his eyes shut as she pressed her hips against his, tightening her grasp around his chest. She made a contended little noise, a sigh from the back of her throat. He begged himself to get a grip, willing himself to not get harder than he already was. Jesus Christ just get some sleep he scolded himself in his head.
He tried to focus on the weight of her, the warmth. He hadn't let himself feel comfortable in a long time, but he was trying desperately to allow himself a moment of relief. With his fingers knotted in her hair, her lips inches from his throat, he finally drifted off.
She awoke a few hours later, the early morning sun inching it's way into his room. She was still tangled in him, and he was breathing softly, his eyelids moving ever so slightly as he watched whatever it was he was dreaming about. Something was stirring inside her, a deep heat, an urgent yearning. Wherever their skin met, she felt like it was connected with magnets. Like a force of nature. She wanted to be closer to him, somehow, she wanted to disappear into him. Forget about literally everything going on around her, give in give in give in.
She didn't want to move, so she memorized the angle of his neck. She started counting the freckles. She laid there, dazed, her eyes going in and out of focus. She watched dust particles float along the beams of light breaking through the blinds. She listened to the constant beating of his heart.
He wouldn't stop her, she realized, this time. This was different, they weren't kids anymore. She could take exactly what she'd wanted, all of it, all the way, right now if she wanted.
She, for a moment, considered Levi.
Levi's arms never felt like this, Levi's weight against hers never felt like this. There was a sense of history she had, right here, with Fez, that she never had with Levi. And there was a sense of power Fez had, one that she absolutely never saw in Levi. A power over her, but a power in general, in the way he moved through the world. A security.
She shut her eyes, wincing as she faced the fact that popped into her head. He'd killed people, Fez had. She was almost certain about it. Probably not good people, but the same hands that were holding her were also used in some capacity to take the life from someone. With that same thought came the realization he'd do that for her, if she'd asked him. That was an intensity, a sort of connection she didn't think she had with anyone else. That sort of intensity bred some sort of intoxicating yearning deep in her belly.
She observed this feeling, considering her early human ancestors. The evolutionary fact that she was purely designed to survive, and the feeling was nearly primal when she considered him. She wanted to give into the animalistic urges. The thought of it was sending heat seeking missiles between her thighs. She was nearly trembling from desire.
Fuck it.
He woke up, dazed, to the feeling of lips on his neck. For a moment, as he returned to consciousness, he assumed he was still stuck in a dream.
But no, the feeling of lips lingering on his exposed neck, hot breath rushing over his skin. Another kiss, then another, each one waking him up more and more. He felt her tongue on his collarbone, as she cautiously and slowly tasted him there.
He made a noise, unintentionally, his voice still gravelly with sleep. The blood in his body started rushing, all systems were a go. She slid her hands beneath his shirt, tracing her fingertips up and down his back, sucking gently on his neck. If he opened his eyes, and looked down at her, if he took in the image of her doing what he felt she was doing he might just explode right then and there.
He allowed himself movement, hungrily searching for her skin below his borrowed shirt. Soft, warm, tight along her belly, softer as he moved up towards her breasts. She moaned, encouraging him.
He found her mouth with his, and she tasted so fucking good. He kissed her carefully, but she deepened it, grabbing the back of his head, pulling him closer.
Feelings of hesitation began to edge in. Fear of loss, fear of connection, fear of pleasure. Fear of her seeing him completely. He tried to ignore them, pressing into her, his hardness stiffening even more against the softness of her thigh.
He didn't matter, he decided. Whatever feeling he had about it didn't matter in that moment, all that mattered was her, and how she was feeling. And she was going to feel good.
He scrambled for the waistband of the shorts she had on, tugging them down, and pushed up her shirt. He pulled himself up, rolling on top of her. He let himself open his eyes for a second, looking down at her. She was smiling, slightly, her lips curved, slightly pink and raw at the edges from his beard. He lowered himself slightly, so his lips were at her ear.
"Why you smiling?" he asked, letting his lips ask the question against the skin behind her ear. "You happy?"
"Mmhm." She responded.
"Good."
He kissed down her neck, across her throat. With one hand, he cupped one of her breasts and brought it into his mouth. She moaned, arching her back. He took his time getting to the wetness between her legs, pushing past all his own panicked thoughts, trying desperately to focus on the moment.
He dipped his fingers inside her first, watching her face as she reacted to the touch. Yeah, he absolved the fact he wasn't going to last 2 seconds inside her once it got to that point. He couldn't remember ever being this turned on before.
He dipped his head down, kissing inside her, feeling the silkiness of her in his mouth, on his tongue. The wall of pheromones hit him like a Mack truck, and she was making all sorts of hurried, impatient sounds.
She looked down for a moment, and like he could sense her gaze on him, he looked back up. She was astonished, by a moment, by his beauty. His lashes were so long, and he was looking up at her, his blue eyes low and nearly drunken with desire. She gasped as he caught a nerve that sent a shockwave up her spine, and he grabbed her hips, holding her there. He would hold her down until she finished, but she was strong, almost fighting against it, wiggling urgently. The pace of his fingers inside her quickened, and he coaxed out a long, defeated cry of orgasm.
He sat up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. She laid there, all exposed and open for him, and he tried to catch his breath. Her eyes were closed, her chest rising and falling with each gasp as she tried to come back down to earth.
He took off his shirt, the heat from the moment causing sweat to gather on his forehead, and he didn't want it to get worse. He took a beat to admire her, to relish this moment he finally let himself have. But his own urge was getting stronger.
"I'm on birth control." She muttered, her eyes not yet open.
Oh fuck, it was like that, huh? He considered as he took stock of what was about to occur.
He tried to hold on as long as he could, but he knew it was going to be fast the moment he was inside her. He held her hips up, her back and shoulders still resting in the pillows. She nearly fainted with the pleasure, her vision getting blurry as he worked his way inside her. She felt such unbeknownst joy she almost felt like weeping.
He lifted one of her legs up, and fell against her, using his other arm to hold himself up. He kissed her as he went deeper, he wanted to hear her moans inside his mouth, echoing down his throat.
It was coming, each thrust brought him closer. She flexed her muscles, tightening around him, and he finally felt himself begin to plateau.
"Just like that, right there, you're doing so fucking good." She said, urging him on. Her voice brought him to his breaking point, and he collapsed, his arm buckling as he finished. He moaned, beside himself, which he could be embarrassed by later.
She let the weight of him on top of her relax her whole body. His breath came out in quick, shuddering gasps, and his heart was hammering against his chest, and thus against hers.
"Holy fuck." He groaned into the pillow. "Fuck, Lex, fuck."
"I think I may have sprung that on you without warning." She said.
"Mhm." He nodded.
"I'd say sorry but I'm not very sorry." She laughed. In fact, she felt so deliriously good, she couldn't remember a time in recent history she'd felt so fulfilled. It was only temporary, she knew that, but the rush of dopamine made her too giddy to care.
After he had caught his breath, he rolled on his side, pulling her back into his arms.
"Where the fuck you been, Lexi, hmm?" he asked, grinning sheepishly. "You just come crashing back into this town and serving me all that first thing, hmm? Who you think you are?" he shook her, and she giggled.
They laid there together, in quiet bliss. For both of them, for a moment, the rest of the world disappeared. She traced along along his tattoos, as he lit up his morning smoke. He passed her the blunt, and the room slowly filled with the familiar haze.
"Happy Thanksgiving." he finally mentioned, and she grabbed a pillow, pulling it over her face as she remembered.
"Fuck." she said, her voice muffled.