Hoh boy! I hope you like clunckily weaved exposition dumps. Cause that's mostly what y'all're getting!
"Thank you, Glossaryck." Marco said, taking a mug of hot chocolate off the levitating platter. "Uh, Glossaryck?" he said, a bit taken aback by the faint, magical sparkles rising from his cocoa like steam. "Is this… Is this stuff save for, you know, human consumption?"
"Probably." The blue man said dismissively, handing the princess her own mug of cocoa. The two lovers sat side-by-side on Star's relatively unharmed couch, heavy blankets draped—hood-like—over their heads and held tightly around their barely clothed bodies.
They felt awful: pounding migraine, seemingly random waves of crippling chills, a sense of soreness and fatigue that made it difficult to sit-up straight, and—perhaps the worst of them all—a runny nose! Ugh, it's just such a hindrance on your day. You gotta carry tissues around everywhere. Your nose gets raw and irritated from all the wiping. And it's not bad enough to use a sick-day, so you still have to go to work/class and just sniffle away in your own personal hell of discomfort. And you can only get better through rest, but when you go to bed, it runs down your throat; so when you wake up, it hurts to fucking swallow, and cough drops taste like citrus-scented floor-cleaner. So now you're going to work/class with a roll of toilet paper and zip-lock bag full of butterscotch! Ugh! The worst!
…
Marco took a sip of the sparkling beverage. It was… incredible. Not only—as he initially feared—was it indeed hot chocolate, and not some hot, brown, Mewnian mystery potion—w-was that racist? If that wasn't, Marco's now mental image of a hay-skirted, face-painted, witch-doctor Glossaryck stirring a large, bubbling cauldron in the middle of a secluded grass hut certainly was—but as he swallowed, the soothing warmth of the chocolatey beverage gave the boy goosebumps. He expected to be able to feel the sparkles in his throat like pop-rocks, but it went down smooth-as-buttah. Not even a tingling sensation—as most magic tended to produce. Nothing. He could feel his muscles begin to relax as the magical drink made its descent to his stomach.
"Oh man." He said, feeling his limbs become lighter by the second. "What's in this?"
"Magic." The blue guru replied.
"Uhhhh-huh." Marco stated blankly, not sure what he expected Glossaryck to say.
"It's an ancient healing mix of Mewman herbs and spices..." Glossaryck finally answered, his desires to flaunt his knowledge over others, getting the better of him. "Because injuries caused by Mewni magic, often cannot be healed by Mewni magic. It's supposed to go in tea, but the princess doesn't do tea."
The boy sat in silence, taking a moment to reflect upon his impromptu lesson. "Wait. Is that common knowledge?"
"You gotta be more specific, son; I said, like, three different things." The blue man said, poofing up three numbered doors—like a miniature set of the Cost is Correct—in the palm of his hand.
"The thing about magic not healing magic."
"There're plenty of exceptions—of course—but yes: this is all common knowledge to responsible magic users."
The boy sat in silence for a moment. "…Okay, but does-"
"Yes. Star knows too."
"Then why did she try t-"
"Because it's never actually hurt to try, before!" The princess finally barked, grasping her head as she winced in pain. She shakily brought the steaming cup to her lips, her strained features relaxing as the herbal painkillers worked their magic. "I'm sorry, Marco. I… I didn't mean to shout…" She took a pause, turning her head—just enough—to peak past the heavy blanket hood that clouded her peripherals. "I'm just… things are new and confusing, right now… and I'm not sure how to feel—or even what I feel—about this."
Marco turned to meet the princess's barely-visible gaze. "I bet…" He said, giving her the best casual smile his muscles could crank out. "Feel kinda bad about saying that Mewmans get the big-change easy, now." They both laughed softly—prompting a few dry coughs.
The two continued to sip periodically from their herbal cocoa as they talked—feeling better by the minute!
"I mean, that was way worse than it said it would be." The boy said before reflexively clamping his hands over his mouth, wincing from the painful recoil against his still quite prolific headache, and praying like hell that his comment went unnoticed.
"…Than 'what' said it would be?" she said.
"The… book…" The boy said hesitantly, shoulders tensed up to his jawline.
"The book…" Star repeated.
"Yeah… I found the book-"
"You found it?!" the guru said.
"-Glossaryck found the book. O-Okay! Now, hear me out!" The boy preemptively stammered out—expecting far more hostility to the news than he actually received.
The two stared at each other in the awkward silence that lingered from the boy's jumping of the gun.
The princess waited for him to continue. He just stared "…Okay…" she finally said…
"I… I just expected you to be more upset about thi-"
"What the ass was in the shitting book, Marco?!" She said, flexing her new vocabulary.
Suppressing the urge to correct the everything that was wrong with that sentence; Marco told her what he'd found out—which, granted, wasn't much. "There were a lot of technicalities and terminologies I didn't understand; but the advice that kept coming up was that the healthiest thing to do is to get it out of your system."
The princess let that info roll around in her head for a few moments—mixing it in with the events of yesterday—before some things finally started to click into place. "That's… why you were so 'forward' when I came home, wasn't it?" She finally said, a twinge of disappointment on her tongue.
"Eeeeeeh… Yes and no…"
"Hm?" she said, turning towards Marco. "What does that mean?"
"I-It's nothing. I shouldn't have brought it up."
"Marco. I wanna know."
"Mmmmmngh." The boy groaned, reluctantly, tucking a chin into his collarbone like a timid child. "Mmm… Star, don't make me say it."
"I'm making you say it." She quickly retorted. "Hey, Glossaryck, can you go make us two more cups, please?"
Glossaryck looked down at the two half-filled mugs of cocoa on the coffee table. "I mean, I'll do it. But you could've just asked me to leave the room, y'know."
When he was finally out of the room, the boy took a deep breath. The princess reached a hand out from her shroud of blankets, taking a firm hold of the blushing boy's hand. The two froze as their eyes met. Marco finally squeezed her hand back, feeling a certain tranquility in the familiar warmth of her soft skin against his own.
The princess smiled as they continued to gaze into each other's eyes. "Just two friends hangin' out."
That made the boy crack a smile. "*Sigh* Nothing to be embarrassed about…"
The girl nodded.
"Okay, okay. So, yes: I specifically prepared that whole *cough* 'session' to help you through this whole ordeal, but… Ugh. Look, don't tell anyone this, but I've actually come to terms with the whole safe-kid thing. I'm not dumb, Star. I know I'm not bad boy material. That's not going to be me, no matter how much I want to be, it'll always just be a fantasy." He took a pause, mulling over his next words carefully. "But, now I'm dating a magical princess… So I guess fantasy isn't as unattainable as I thought…"
Marco glanced over at Star, listening intently. The boy nervously scratched his face. "This is all just a really long way of saying… I still like being the bad boy, even if it's just pretend."
"You're adorable." Star laid her head onto his shoulder—still too sore to give the boy a proper embrace. "And I wouldn't want it any other way…"
Marco let out a sigh. "Thanks, Star." He said, giving the girl a soft smile. The boy sat in silence for a few moments, enjoying the comforting weight of the princess against his shoulder, before remembering an important detail from the night previous. "Yeah, I had no idea what was going on with the glowy eyes and the heartbeating and the pyromantic rape possessions, though."
The princess lifted her head. "You wanna run that last one by me again…?" She said, only knowing what one of those words meant, and that word raised far more concerns than comforts.
"And I believe that's my cue to come back." Glossaryck said, unceremoniously floating back into the room.
"Y-You were listening the whole time?" Marco said.
"Nope. Just caught the end of it. Lighten up, kid. I'm not judging you on your inferiority complex. To judge you, I'd have to care!"
Marco's face grew beet-red at his heartfelt confession being spit back at him so bluntly. Star patted Marco on the shoulder as the boy hid his shameful face away into his blanket. "That's just how he is, Marco. He means well." Star shot Glossaryck a dirty look as she continued rubbing his shoulder.
"I don't know why you two didn't just come to me in the first place." The blue guru said, failing to take the hint.
The princess looked over to her emotionally recovering partner. "Yeah, me neither. You're always so good when dealing with sensitive subjects." Her words dripping with spite.
The boy's still blushing face emerged from the blankets. He took a deep breath, shaking himself out of this stupor before recoiling from the exertion of his still sore muscles. "No… No, he's right, Star. He's probably your best bet to understanding all this." The boy gave her a big grin. "I'm okay. See? Painful honesty might actually be kind of helpful, right now."
"Princess. I've known you since you were a child!" Glossaryck said, seeming hurt. "I've been like a second father to you."
"Why would that make it better?! That makes it so much worse!" She said, almost pulling at her hair. "I wouldn't even be comfortable talking about this with my first father."
"Yeah. I'm not thrilled about it either, Star…" The boy said with a sigh. "But I guess we have no choice."
"Whaddaya mean 'no choice?'" Star protested. "We've got the mewberty book, don't we?"
The boy cocked an eyebrow. "Would you like to comb through the 800-or-so pages with me?"
The princess snapped her gaze over to the floating man. "What've ya got, Glossaryck?"
The blue man snapped, poofing himself into a drab, beige three-piece suit—half-rimmed reading glasses resting low on his nose. "Before we start, let's dispel this whole discomfort thing." He said, thumbing through the thick packet of paperwork that came with the outfit. "I am Sir Glossaryck of Terms. I am a purely factual being. I deal with objective knowledge and nothing more."
"Uh-huh. A purely factual being capable spite and jealousy." The boy quipped.
"Listen. I don't interrupt you with undercutting jabs when you're talking."
"You absolutely do!"
"Thanks, kid. That was the joke."
"How can a purely factual being joke?!" Marco shouted, throwing his hands up in the air; his still-healing noggin giving him a few thumps against the skull for the trouble.
"Magic. Now let me finish. Ahem! I have no sexual attraction to others," He began again, counting on his fingers as he listed them out. "I do not fall in love, I don't even have genitalia. Yep, smooth as a Ken doll down there. I've never gone through mewberty or puberty, and how ever down and dirty you kids get, I've seen entire realities implode in on themselves. Are we getting the picture? I can't judge you because I don't really care."
"I'm… not sure if that's better or worse…" Marco said.
"Eh." The blue man shrugged, "Probably both."
"Fair enough."
"Now that that's outta the way…" Glossaryck snapped himself back into his normal attire before taking a seat in a poofed-up floating rocking chair—a thick, leather-bound storybook plopping into his lap. "Gather 'round kiddies. Uncle Ricky's got an exposition dump for you to enjoy."
The blue man opened the book and the two blanket dwellers took the new cups of cocoa from the coffee table, nursing them as they listened. To Marco's surprise—despite the amount of time the mugs had been sitting out in the open—the drink still felt like it'd come right off the stove.
"Now let us begin. As I'm sure you know, Mewni has always been a very dangerous place. And back in the Old'n Days—yes, that's the technical term" Glossaryck said, turning the book around to show the words 'OLD'N DAYS' in comically large font stretched across the two visible pages, strengthening the boy's suspicion that the book was just another prop and Glossaryck was doing this off memory, alone. "Back in the Old'n Days," He continued. "before the Golden Age of Magic—that cemented the mewman's control of the land—mewman and monster actually had to co-exist and compete for resources."
Star gave a huge gasp. "No!" She said, more in disbelief than objection.
"Yes," Glossaryck said. "Normally, a mewman would lose to a monster in a 1-on-1 fight, and without magic, they'd be absolutely powerless against the monsters of Mewni."
Star was on the edge of her seat, staring intently. While Marco sat—hunched forward, a bit—with a permanent, furrowed brow of thought.
Marco slowly raised his hand. "Uhh… I have a question. I understand that Mewni monsters are dangerous… but mewmans were 'powerless' to defend themselves without magic? What was stopping the early mewmans from crafting weapons?"
"Pump the breaks there, Charles Darwin. Not every species rolled as high as humans in the intelligence department. Humans and mewmans may look and behave similar now, but mewmans were a lot more primitive for a whole lot longer than humans; and that's saying something, you guys were hunter/gatherers for, what? Thousands of years?"
"I don't like how much you know about Earth…"
"Kid, my job is to know things. You think this is the first time I've been to Earth? Anyway, if someone would have let me finish, you'd know that they weren't all powerless."
Star spawned a tub of popcorn into her lap, catching Marco a little off guard. He didn't even know Star had her wand on her…
"Now, when and how it happened is still pretty up-in-the-air—it being the stone ages, n'all—but to combat their hostile environments, a few mewmans in their tribes developed incredible strength, speed, and stamina; these mewmans had the chops to take on any monster. Their job was to protect the tribe. They were deemed the Protectors. It's not very creative, but it was ancient times, give 'em a break. They couldn't even figure out how to swing around a moderately sized stick."
"Needless to say, Star," He continued, closing the book in his lap. "Your father has Protector in his blood, and judging by what we've seen so far; so do you. Which makes things a whole lot more *cough* complicated."
Marco raised an eyebrow. "*cough* Complicated?"
"*cough* Complicated."
"*cough* I don't get it." The princess chimed in.
"Essentially, if you were a normal mewman, your mewberty would have ended with normal purple bug rampage."
"And since she's a Protector…" Marco said, trying to coax out an answer.
"I… don't know."
Marco nearly choked on his cocoa. "You don't know?!"
"Exactly." He added, "I don't know exactly." For the first time in Marco's life, the insufferable know-it-all seemed embarrassed—nervous, even. "Protectors are much more common in males than females; and the thing about mewberty is… male mewberty is a lot uglier, a lot more explosive, but a lot more predictable; there are very uniform stages to it. Female mewberty is slower, less violent, but extremely unpredictable. And now that we're adding the power and instability of a maturing Protector into the mix, not even I could give you a reliable roadmap."
"Is she dangerous?"
Glossaryck wordlessly gestured to the scorch marks on the carpet—surrounding the mass of rubber that was once a dildo.
"Yeah, I don't know why I asked…"
"But she's always been dangerous, kid."
Marco looked over to the girl beside him.
She shrugged, "He's not wrong…"
He didn't know if it was charming that she was self-aware of her blatant destructive behavior… or borderline sociopathic. "So is that why she's always fighting monsters? It's some kind of… hardwired, primal instinct she has?"
"I wouldn't say that's the only reason, but it's certainly part of it." The guru said, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "Fun fact—while we're on the topic of Star being dangerous…"
"Always a pleasant topic to discuss." The boy groaned, rolling his eyes.
"You're the one who brought it up!" The blue man shot back.
"He's not wrong…"
"Thank you for your input, Star!" Marco said; exasperated. "I'm sorry, Glossaryck; you were saying?"
"Well," he began, "you know that whole glowy eye thing you two had? With the heartbeats and such? It's actually a magical connection between two—for lack of a better term—souls; where the Protector unconsciously shares their power with the one they love."
"Wait, my eyes were glowing too?" The two lovers said in unison
"Wait, you didn't know?" They jinxed again.
"Wait, how did Glossaryck know?" They continued to owe each other a Coke.
"Process of elimination, really." Glossaryck gestured toward Marco. "Primarily because Nurse Nachos over here is still breathing."
"Do you just not like the sound of my nam-wait what about me still breathing?"
"Come on, kid," Glossaryck said, gesturing to all the makeshift repairs he'd made to Star's bedroom. "You still in a cum coma, or something?"
"Please don't say cum coma."
"You were in the center of what wrecked this room. If you two didn't share such a deep bond with each other, she would have easily ruptured every organ in your body and snapped your spine like a fold-away lawn chair."
"That's…" Marco scratched his face. "oddly specific…"
"I've been around."
"I'm not sure how to take that." Marco looked over to Star. Storytime was over as quick as it'd began, and she had long returned from the edge of her seat; popcorn bin emptied and discarded.
He studied the girl beside him, her bright blond hair messily poking out from beneath the hood of fabric that rest upon her scalp. She seemed… calm…-ish? Her face was kinda hard to read right now.
"Uh, Star?" The boy said.
"… Hm?" The girl responded quietly. Her eyes fluttering into focus the way only a person who has just been pulled out from their deepest thoughts could've.
"You doing alright?" The boy wriggled one of his arm out from the blanket; cold air kissing his skin as he lay a hand on her shoulder. "You've been fairly quiet through this whole spiel—all things considered. I mean, this is your body we're talking about. And I've been asking most of the questions." Marco paused, letting those sentences hang in the air. "I just want to make sure you're not feeling overwhelmed, or anything."
The princess snaked a hand from her blanket wrap, as well; affectionately resting it over the one on her shoulder. "I'm, uh, I'm doing alright, I think. I'm just trying to let everything kinda settle in my head, right now. I'd be lying if I said this whole thing wasn't a bit scary… How I could have killed you just from making love springs mainly to mind… but it's mixed in with this huge sense of relief, or… safety, even. I dunno. It just feels so, so good to finally have a grasp of what's happening to me."
The princess turned to the blue guru. "Thank you, Glossaryck." She spoke softly, with a tone so packed with emotion and sincerity that it caught both the men a little off-guard. "Even if you can't tell us exactly what's going to happen… You've been a very, very big help."
The blue man blushed, shyly playing with the ends of his beard. "I… live to serve, princess"
"Purely factual being, huh?" Marco quipped. Before Glossaryck could compose himself enough to fire back, "but…" he continued. "She's not wrong… You certainly saved us a lot of trial and error. And I do appreciate it."
Glossaryck smiled. "Thank you, Marco."
The boy shuddered. "Yeah. No. I take it back. Nurse Nachos is fine."
Star burst into laughter. Marco couldn't help but follow suit.
As the laughter died down, the princess spoke again. "I do have one question… So, dad is a Protector."
"I mean he is really strong." Marco said.
"Why didn't he tell me?"
"Well, again, Protectors are rarely found in women; so he probably didn't feel like it was something you needed to worry about. And you know him." Glossaryck said. "His majesty doesn't like to talk sex, and the Protector mewberty process is pretty sexually charged."
Marco began to stroke his chin. "Maybe that's why he's so distant on the subject." He pondered. "Maybe he did some things he's ashamed of during his own mewberty."
Glossaryck thoughtfully nodded. "Yes, I've suspected the same…"
Star gave the two aspiring theorists a weird look. "Oooor maybe he's just a big softy who doesn't want to picture his daughter having sex, you weirdos."
The boy shrugged. "Hey, I'm just saying the pieces are there, is all."
"So am I gonna get super strength? Oh gosh, am I gonna end up looking like dad?!"
"Your father actually rarely taps into his Protector strength; which I think adds fuel to the fire that he's ashamed of his protector genes in some form or another."
Marco cocked an eyebrow. "Wait… so you're telling me that his crazy super strength…"
"Comes from good, old fashioned, training and exercise; correct." Glossaryck finished the boy's sentence. "Protector strength comes from overclocking the muscles that are there; not by building up the muscles themselves. It's like… magical adrenalin."
"Sooooooo…"
"That's a no, Star" the boy summarized.
"Alright. If that's everything," Glossaryck began, rising from his tiny floating seat before poofing himself into a beige trench coat and snagging a matching hat that hung from the newly-spawned miniature floating coatrack beside him. "You kids have fun."
Seeing all the cartoonish signs of an exit, Marco felt the need to ask, "Where are you going?" despite not particularly enjoying the blue guru's company, at the best of times.
"Anywhere but here, kid." He said, flipping a plaid-patterned scarf over his shoulder. "I take it you two don't have a quiet scrabble session planned for today. You've made it clear that you don't want me around when you two get it oowwn; and, frankly, the sounds of you two bumping nasties is quite disruptive to my work."
"So… season finale of Game of Thorns." Marco said.
"You know it!" Glossaryck said with a wink. He placed his fingers to his lips and let out a sharp, taxi-hailing whistle; summoning a miniature floating taxi cab to pull up in front of him before it sped off with Glossaryck inside.
"Does he do this kinda stuff on Mewni? Cause, like, all of his references and visual gags, so far, have been Earth related."
Star shrugged. "I don't know why Glossaryck does anything…"
The two sat in silence for a few moments.
"Well!" Marco said with a clap, rising from his seat; the cocoa finally returning the boy to 100% "This has been a blast n'all, but I need to get some fresh air." The boy gathered his discarded clothing from the day before, and threw them on. "And probably some lunch. You coming, or do you still need some rest?"
"Hey, Marco, before I forget…" the girl stopped him at the door. He turned around to face the now fully-clothed girl behind him. "So, remember when you helped me explore my fetish?" the princess said with a smile on her face.
Marco smiled back. "Hey! You actually pronounced a new word correctly! I mean, it sucks that it's the word 'fetish' but it's something."
"Well," she continued, "I think it's about time I learn a little more about you." Finishing the thought with a boop on his nose.
The boy's good-natured grin quickly faded as the implications of her demand began to sink in. "St-Star, I-I don't think that's necessary. We're here to help you, after all."
"Whose day is it?" The princess asked smugly.
The boy sighed. "Yours…" he said; defeated.
"Now spill it, lover boy!" She demanded, her voice an odd mixture of authority and giddy excitement.
Marco practically buried his chin into his chest. "I've, uh *cough* always thought anal was kinda hot…" the boy practically whispered.
"Oh." The girl couldn't help but blush at the mental image. "So you like to put stuff up your butt?"
The boy grit his teeth. "No, no." he answered instinctively. "That's not exactly what I meant." Not even thinking about what he'd have to say next; about the pure selfishness of the thought about to be inferred.
"Oh. So in my butt?"
"Look, I know. I'm sorry. This is why I didn't really want to go into it. You don't have to do any-"
"Let's do it." She said with a friendly grin.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Let's do it in my butt!"
"Y-You can't be serious…"
"I'm serious, let's try it!" the princess said, her casual smile not fading
Marco paused. "Wh-Why?"
The girl rolled her eyes. "Marco, you know when you go out of your way to do something for someone you really care about? You go through the time, effort, even pain or boredom, so the other person doesn't have to; but the thought of making that person happy makes it all worth it? I know you do. You're pretty much the embodiment of that concept." Her smile grew brighter. "When you feel good, I feel good. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little curious. I might like it, I might not; but we'll never know until we try!"
The boy sighed. "I mean, if you're really up for it… just remember we can stop at any time, okay? I won't be mad or disappointed or anything." Marco looked down as his stomach rumbled. "But, Imma go get something to eat, first. You wanna come?"
"You go on ahead." The princess flashed him a naughty look. "I've got some spells to look into."
Time for the extremely immersion-breaking author's note!
Strap in, kids… this one's a long one…
Christ! It's finally done! Chapter 21 was published last May! It's mid-fucking-April! That is an unacceptable gap in content! Always remember: This. Story. Is. Getting. Finished. I've been at this for three fucking years and I imagine, quite a few more years to come, but this story will reach a conclusion!
Remember when this story was supposed to be about Marco's puberty? Star just has a way of weaseling into the center of attention, huh?
So—as I'm sure you can tell—I've stopped following the show midway through season two for no reason in particular. I-It's hard to explain. I just have a strong aversion to actually sitting down and watching an episode. My theory was that all my smut writing and viewing about Star Butterfly made me like, uncomfortable with the show on a deep subconscious basis… But I've been a clopper faaaar longer than I've had an *cough* "interest" in Star, and that effect has—in no way—carried over to an aversion to the actual show. No, MLP has earned my antipathy with its garbage writing from season 5-on…
Christ, what was I talking about…? Right! Basically this whole spiel is to explain some discrepancies. Well… one discrepancy, but I'm sure I've fucked up on shit I don't even know abou- ANY-FUCKING-WAY! It's been a while since I've seen an episode of SvtFoE; and when I was googling Glossaryck's full name, the wiki was all like:
"Glossaryck's advice is often very vague and cryptic."
And I'm like:
"Oh yeah, I remember that."
Followed by:
"Fuck! I've made him the explicit exposition deliverer throughout my entire story!"
I mean, yeah, it's fanfiction, there are obviously some liberties provided; but I feel like character traits should more-or-less line up with their source material, or else you're just writing your own characters and pasting existing characters' names onto them. I don't plan on changing his behavior to keep consistency in my own universe, and most of you probably didn't care or notice; but as a rabid fanboy myself, I understand that feeling of: "so-n-so would never say that!"
This whole essay is basically just a formal explanation to any super-fans following this story that I have no idea what I'm doing.
On that note: I recently found out that—canonically speaking—mewman males don't go through mewberty, which is fucking lame! What's lamer is the fact that only royal-blooded mewman females go through mewberty. I don't even care that I'm wrong on this one. My mewberty is better!
I don't have any plans on expanding on King Butterfly's mewberty, btw. I just thought it was a fun extra bit of intrigue. It's not off the table, but don't be waiting for it to happen, cause it probably won't come up again.
And yes. I'm fully aware that I'm just slowly turning Glossaryck into Aladdin's Genie. Magical powers were designed for visual gags, dammit!
I'm planning some butt-stuff pretty soon—in case you're the type of person who skips the chapter and comes right to the bottom to read my opinions, hot-takes, and oh-so-quirky commentary about the story and real-world events that are already aging horribly—nothing too gross or super fetishistic, or anything. With magic on our side, we can make the anus cleaner than my Christian Minecraft server!—yeah, memes are a great way to date the fuck out of anything you're writing—so either look forward to that or avoid it like the plague! As always, steamy chapters containing any possibly off-putting fetishistic material are going to be labeled in bold at the top of the chapter.
One last thing: I actually learned a skill for life in my college class—I'm sure you've noticed it. Yes. Now—thanks to m-dashes—my cacophonous labyrinth of tangents, run-on sentences, and criminal abuse of the comma have become slightly more legible! Don't critique my improper use of semi-colons; I know I use them in some places where they don't belong. I just need a break from the commas, from time to time. I'm sorry for the sub-optimal punctuation up to this point. Though I have no plans to fix up the punctuation of the previous chapters. I don't have a reason… I just don't want to…
…
Okay, I might…
Kay, I'm done. Get the fuck out. Come back in, like, a year'n a half for chapter 23.
That's a joke, of course… I hope…
Take my anonymous poll at the top of my fanfiction profile page, if you haven't yet! New votes make Jimothy a happy lad.
Okay, now get the fuck out, for real.