Surprise visit

Summer rolled around before I realised it. I found myself feeling a way I have never felt before, happy. I never thought I'd feel this way, especially since I'd lost so many important people in my life, but I do. But with happiness comes guilt. It lingers over my head like a dark cloud, always casting a shadow over everything I do.

Haymitch has dinner with us every other night. His drinking had calmed down, he wasn't his usual vulgar self, In fact he's been useful. Last few months He's been helping Peeta once or twice a week at the bakery, not cooking or anything but serving the customers that come in. It's nice to see him doing something with himself, not just getting lost in his own nightmares.

But the nightmares are still there, for all of us. They'll never fully go away of course, but we all find our own ways of handling them. For Peeta and I, it's each other.

I head towards the bakery as I walk through town, smiling and saying hello to the people I recognize. It was an extremely hot day, the sun burning my shoulders as I walked. I glanced up at the pale blue sky hoping a cloud would appear for some relief, but there was none for as far as I could see.

I needed to buy a couple of bottles of water and some food to take hunting with me otherwise I would probably pass out from dehydration. The hot sticky air reminded me of the Quarter Quell, and I found myself shivering at the memory despite the unrelenting heat.

Greasy Sae had asked for some wild turkeys if I was able to find them, 'perfect for a stew' she told me and licked her lips with anticipation. So, I planned on getting lost in the woods today, like I did most days.

Pushing the heavy bakery door open, the bell on top gave a light ding to let everyone inside know someone had come in. It was small but cozy. He had a couple of tables and chairs inside so people could sit and eat if they wanted too. I found these chairs usually only had Myself, Peeta and Haymitch in them. Sometimes we would lose track of time and all just sit here talking the evening away, eating some bread or cookies that were left from the day.

Peeta was kneading some dough on the counter top in the far right corner of the room, a heavy frown on his face, deep in concentration. He had flour speckled over his face and hair, making him look so innocent. Haymitch was at the cash register, answering some questions an older lady had about the designs on Peeta's cupcakes.

Peeta glanced up at me, and his frown faded away replaced with a warm smile. 'Hi' he mouthed to me, not daring to interrupt Haymitch's monologue about the significance of the flaming arrow that was iced onto the cupcake, what it represented to the uprising that changed our world. I nodded to the back room and Peeta followed my gaze, wiped down his dough and flour covered hands and followed me out back.

The back room wasn't really a room, more of a supply closet. Ingredients lined the shelves on the walls and some bread that wouldn't fit in the main room. It was hotter here than it was outside, sticky. It also smelled amazing, like warm bread which made my mouth water. There was barely enough room for one person to stand in it with their arms out, so we were snug together. His breath tickled my neck. "Are you going hunting?" He asked and smoothed the flyaway hairs down in my braid that sat over my shoulder.

"Yes, any requests for dinner tonight?" I asked, and ran my finger up his arm enjoying the way the hairs rose as my finger passed over his skin.

He shrugged, "Whatever you can catch."

I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and was about to leave when he pulled me back to him, planting a hard kiss on my lips. I was taken by surprise, but slowly leaned into the kiss, enjoying the warm wave that spread from our lips down my body. Slowly it felt like butterflies were stirring in my stomach. The warmth of happiness spread over me, followed by the wave of guilt. I tried to ignore it, to push the guilt away, but it only grew bigger.

He gently pulled away, "Be safe." he whispered, his forehead resting on mine.

"Always." I said, and gave him another quick kiss before I left. I gave Haymitch a sorrowful look as I passed him. His eyes pleaded for me to help him, but the lady kept rambling on and on, I don't think anything I could have said would have distracted her.

Some people said the quietness of the woods was eerie, but I had always found it peaceful. Today, the place was full of life. And even though it was too hot for my liking, it always calmed me being out here. The soft crunch of the grass under my boots as I walked, the smell of the flowers and fruits that bloomed around me. It always made me feel like I belonged out here, like I was home.

I walked to our spot. Not Peetas and mine, no. This spot was still mine and his.

I missed Gale. But sometimes I also never wanted to see him again. It was like I was at war with myself when it came to him. One minute, I missed us. The years of friendship, the laughter, the comfort. Then the next I hated him, a hate so deep and angry that I tried not to linger there too long in fear of getting consumed by it.

Also, I was upset that in almost 3 years he hasn't tried to make contact with me, not once. We were both too stubborn, that was the problem.

Today, I walked to our spot and I squinted from the bright sun as I made my way through the berry bushes, eager to see the rock ledge. As I pushed the bushes aside, I swore I could see him sitting there. He was sitting in his usual place, back to me looking out at the vastness of the valleys before him. His dark hair was beautiful in the sun, his bow and arrow resting on the floor. I waited for him to disappear when I blinked, but he didn't. As I grew nearer, he turned and looked at me.

His face was so familiar, yet so foreign. "Gale?" I said his name like a question, unsure if he really was there. Maybe I had finally lost my mind.

"Hello Catnip." He said in his usual teasing tone, confirming that I wasn't as insane as I had thought.

A million thoughts ran through my head in that second, but only one stood out the most. How much I had missed him. So I think I surprised us both when I ran the rest of the distance between us, dropped to my knees and flung my arms around him, squeezing him tight to me in case he disappeared again. He let out a 'ooft' noise, like I knocked the air out of him. Then slowly he hugged me back, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my neck.

"I missed you too." He said, his voice getting muffled against my skin.

Finally, I pulled back and took him in. He was still the same boy I remembered, slightly older, a couple of tiny scars along his face that I hadn't noticed before but other than that, he was the Gale I knew. "What are you doing here?"

He chuckled, "That's just like you," he paused and looked away from me, taking in the landscape before us again. "No formalities like, how are you, what have you been doing… straight to the point." He laughed again and pulled at the grass next to him.. was he nervous?

I smiled, "Sorry, I'm just a bit shocked to see you. It has been almost 3 years." I did leave a bit of an edge in my voice, to let him know I was annoyed. He caught on and gave me a small apologetic smile.

"Yeah, it's been a long time. I just…" he paused and looked away again down at his shoes in front of him. " I just didn't know how to see you after everything that had happened. I didn't think you'd want to see me."

"I didn't." I said automatically, feeling a bit defensive. But I saw the pain that caused him and regretted it immediately. "At first anyway." I added, hoping that soothed it a little.

"I am so sorry." He said, his voice catching. Looking at him, I noticed the tears brimming in his eyes, threatening to spill over. "I'll never be able to forgive myself for the part I played in making those bombs, the pain I feel-." He clutched his chest right over his heart, emphasizing his words, "kills me every day."

I didn't know what to say to him. One part of me wanted to comfort him, tell him everything was okay and that I forgave him. But the other part wanted to slap him for saying that to me. Pain? He didn't understand the meaning of the word. He didn't understand the aches my body felt from all the abuse it has gone through, both physically and mentally. The nightmares that plagued me in my sleep. He didn't understand the pain of missing someone you'd never see again, who had vanished from this world like they never existed. All that was left of Prim was my memories of her and a few photos. We didn't have much possessions, but nearly all of her things were gone, stolen or destroyed during the uprising. Where did he get the right to use the word pain?

The silence must have gone on too long, or maybe it was the way I was staring at him, but he shook his head. "I'm sorry, I have no right talking about my pain and suffering after everything you've been through."

He looked away from me again, down at his hands and fiddled with the loose skin around his nails. I noticed blood starting to rise from the cuts and took his hand in mine to stop him, giving him a light squeeze. "I don't know what to say to you," I said to him truthfully. "I want to forgive you, but I can't." I sighed. "I'm not angry at you either, I'm just confused about everything." He nodded slowly, taking what I said in and sighed.

I wanted to hate him. I wished that I was indifferent and could switch my feelings off from him. But I couldn't.

"Should we hunt?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Yes." I answered and smiled softly at him before securing my bow and arrow over my shoulder, standing up and heading out into the woods.

*Thank you for reading! *

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