Summary: A vain woman has just been told by a magic mirror that all the girls in Fairy Tail are fairer than her. So what is she to do than attempt to kill them all? Yeah….she has no idea who she's dealing with.

Pairings: ImpliedNatsu/Lucy, Natsu/Lisanna, Gray/Juvia, Loke/Lucy, Elfman/Evergreen, every Fairy Tail guy/Lucy, OC/OC, Alzack/Bisca, and Mirror/Charle.

YouTube Prompt: A tribute to ALL of the couples in Fairy Tail with the song That's How You Know from Disney's Enchanted.

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful woman who considered herself the most stunning, gorgeous, sexy thing in the entire universe (yes her ego was that big). And one day she got herself a magical mirror to tell her so every day.

She had been so excited when she first received this magic mirror that she hastily prepared herself before she asked her question. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?" she asked.

The mirror glowed a strange greeny-blue as a face appeared. It was a plain, lifeless, face, as she was unable to find any distinguishable features in it. It, too, seemed to be unimpressed by her beauty as it looked her up and down.

"Well definitely not you," the Mirror sneered.

"How dare you?!" the woman shrieked. "Be gone!"

She chucked a perfume bottle at the Mirror to make her point. It unfortunately missed and smashed against the wall, stinking the room out with expensive perfume, but it did make her point as the face in the mirror vanished.

When she finally calmed down, after shrieking and raging, and destroying an item or two, she realised that she wasn't her usual perfect self, because she had been too eager to try out her new mirror, and therefore threw herself into a gruelling beauty regime that included three different baths, waxing, moisturising, and trying three hundred odd different combinations of clothes and make up, before she was satisfied.

After ensuing that she was now sheer perfection, from her perfectly groomed hair to her neatly painted toenails in her stunning gold shoes, she asked once again; "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"

"Look toots," the Mirror sneered, "I told you already, not you."

"Then who?!" she shrieked. "Who is it that you deem fairer than me? Me, the most beautiful woman in the land."

"Lots of women!" the Mirror retorted. "I can write a list if you like."

"Tell me now or I shall smash you to pieces!"

"Well first there is Mirajane Strauss," he showed an image of a blue-eyed, white haired beauty that she had seen in magazines before, "who is the very definition of fair, if you ask me, which you did. Then there's her little sister, Lisanna," the little brat wasn't that little, and looked exactly like her older sister only with shorter hair. "And then there is Erza Scarlet, Lucy Heartfilla, Levy McGarden, Cana Alberona, Evergreen, Wendy Marvell, Bisca Connell, Laki Olietta, Juvia Lockser, Kinana, and even Charle the cat is fairer than you."

"A cat?!" she spat out. "You think a cat is fairer than I?"

"She has white fur and looks very cute in pink," the Mirror said….disturbingly dreamy like, "anything is better than you."

The woman fumed silently at that. She didn't like this mirror's backchat, and she certainly didn't like the fact it thought a cat was fairer than she. There was only one thing left to do, after destroying the mirror that is, eliminate her competition.

"Where can I find these girls?" she asked.

"In a guild called Fairy Tail." She smirked at that, and picked up her hairbrush with the pretence of brushing her hair, and simpering into the mirror. The Mirror rolled its eyes at her. "Can I go now?" it asked rudely.

"Certainly," she said.

And that was when she flung her hairbrush, with all her might, into the mirror. Shattering the glass into a thousand pieces. She swore to herself that was exactly what she was going to do to these Fairy Tail girls when she got her hands on them.

She will destroy these Fairy Tail girls if it's the last thing she'll do.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Something strange was happening at the guild.

It started off innocently. A piano fell from the sky and landed on Juvia, thankfully though her body is made of water and she instantly reformed without injury. But then someone tried to mug and stab Kinana, who seemed immune to the poison that was on the dagger, and was out of the infirmary in no time. Bisca had come in with several bruises and a destroyed gun (and an alarmed husband, and tearful baby, as they claimed someone tried to shoot Bisca down but she out gunned them), then there were several attacks on all of the girls individually.

Random men who were then either charmed out of their attack, or petrified into submission depending who they attacked. "I think Lucy and Wendy have spent too much time with Erza," Happy observed as the two girls reduced their attackers into begging on their hands and knees while sobbing.

"Aye," Natsu agreed.

Then there was the poison laced books, that would have killed everyone in the guild thanks to Happy sneezing on them, and Mira was suddenly taking to being in Satan Soul form all the time (Elfman had taken to crying himself to sleep at night again) in order to defend herself, and Evergreen suddenly increased her statue collection with far too many men that suspiciously matched some of the wanted poster photos.

And then came a strange delivery of beautiful corsets, which none of the girls thought of (as they have often received dirty underwear from their fans and tended to just chuck them out depending on their taste), until Natsu burst into the guild the next day with a slightly charred Lucy in his arms.

"THE CORSETS ARE EVIL!" He shrieked. "LUCY'S ONE JUST TRIED TO STRANGLE HER BREASTS TO DEATH!"

"Thank God I chucked mine out," Laki said, "I knew there was something suspicious about a person sending us all naughty underwear."

"It is odd though," Levy frowned in concern, "that we get sent murderous underwear after being under attacked for these last two weeks, and endured some botched attempts to murder us."

"It's because we're too beautiful," Laki flipped her hair over her shoulder, "we're driving the men crazy."

"Yes you are," Lily agreed under his breath, "but not for the reason you're thinking."

Fortunately none of the girls heard him or he might have been trampled to death, cute cat or not. Instead everyone's attention was on Natsu and Lucy, especially when Warren asked; "What were you doing at Lucy's while she was trying on underwear?"

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

The last straw came when the guild was under attack by some maniac with hair pins. Yes, hair pins. Not something any of the blokes would take seriously (other than ducking and pulling their female partners down to the ground for safety and quick grope) but then one of the brand new, nameless as they were obviously one of those bandwagon jumpers so no one bothered to learn, female member got hit by one of them and promptly died of poisoning.

"THAT'S IT!" Natsu roared as he shot flames throughout the surrounding area, hopefully barbecuing the enemy. "NO ONE KILLS….hey, Luce, what was this girl's name?"

"I don't know," Lucy sighed sadly, "I think she just joined this morning."

The Master dealt with everything. And once the chaos was somewhat curbed and everyone went back to drinking and relaxing, he forced them all to sit a guild meeting (something that never really happens because a. not everyone was home at the same time, and b. trying to get the more restless ones coughNatsucough to sit still for more than a minute wasn't worth the meeting).

"What the hell is going on, you shitty brats?" Master demanded to know.

"I think," Erza scowled as she pulled out several hair pins from her armour, "that someone is trying to kill us girls."

"WHAT?!"

"Why would anyone want to kill our girls?" Alzack asked worriedly as he wrapped an arm round his wife and daughter.

"I can think of a few good reasons," Gajeel snickered, "I mean these harpies haven't exactly done themselves any favours with their screeching, beating up men, and turning them down, have they?"

No one answered Gajeel as all the girls all turned to glower at him with their equally, terrifying, demon, glares, that made some of them, just a little bit, pee in their pants, and others to just scream like a girl. Gajeel didn't have a chance to defend himself as he was thoroughly beaten to death and then buried by the girls.

"Idiot," Lily scoffed unsympathetically. He was a cat and even he knew you don't say crap like that in front of the girls in this guild.

"Right, so our girls are in danger," the Master said, though he doubted it was much trouble as they could handle themselves. Gajeel slowly returning back to life was prove of that. "What are we going to do about it?"

"Hunt whoever is doing this down," Erza replied immediately, "tie them down, and then castrate…." She then went into full, gory, detail on what torture she would use on the person that had attempted to murder her fellow sisters.

Many people lost their lunch. Some were certain that they were going to have nightmares for the rest of their life. Wendy, definitely, lost the last shred of her innocence listening to this.

"I don't think the girls need any protection," Freed said weakly, "they seem highly capable of defending themselves."

"Awwww," all the girls cooed with sunny smiles, "thank you Freed!"

Bickslow shivered at that. "I think that was more terrifying than them being murderous," he hissed to Freed, "at least then you knew when to duck."

There was a knock on a door, and they all turned to see a delivery man peer his head round the door. "Delivery for Fairy Tail," he said as he held up the parcel.

It was a basket of red apples. Beautiful, blood red, glistening apples that made everyone drool just a tiny bit. Most of them managed to shake it off as they remembered there was some lunatic out there trying to kill the girls, and they wouldn't put it past them to poison a bunch of apples in hopes of succeeding.

Unfortunately not all of them were that smart. Without even thinking, Natsu reached into the basket, picked up an apple, and took a great big bite out of it. It was mere moments before he collapsed onto the ground dead.

"NATSU!" Lucy shrieked as she clutched a tearful Happy to her bosom.

"Idiot!" three quarters of the guild face palmed, most notably Gray, Laxus, Erza, Master, and Gajeel. "We've just established the fact there's some raving lunatic out there trying to kill you girls, and what does he do?" Gray rolled his eyes, "eat an apple out of the suspicious basket of apples."

The Master examined the apple with a curious sniff, a lick (Ew), and casting a spell over it. "It's all right!" he reassured the panicked guild. "It's not a proper poison! Just a sleeping curse. All he needs is a kiss from his true love and he'll awaken."

Everyone turned to look at Lisanna. "What?!" she shrieked turning a bright red. "Ewwwww, no! He's just a friend!"

At that, everyone then turned to look at Lucy, "Why me?!" she wailed.

"Just do it!" Erza shoved Lucy onto the sleeping dragon slayer. "Meanwhile, I'm going after that delivery man. Who's with me?"

Unfortunately there was such a scramble to join Erza (or avoid her) that no one saw what happened next. All they knew was Natsu was suddenly magically awake and Lucy wasn't talking to anybody.

They didn't question it as they finally tracked down the woman that had been trying to kill the girls, and then Erza got to enact her punishment plan.

Let's just say it wasn't pretty, and no one really got to live happily ever after with those nightmares haunting them.

The End!

Alternative Ending:

Lucy collapsed, apple rolled out of her hand and onto the ground.

"Idiot," Gajeel scoffed, "we were just discussing how some crazy bitch is out to kill you all, and what does she do? Eat an apple out of the suspicious basket."

"You know what this means?" Natsu smirked. Everyone gasped and turned to him, was he this heartless to not mourn the death of his partner, or was he some creepy bastard that got off with recently dead girls? Honestly they wouldn't be surprised if it was either. He suddenly pulled out a permanent marker from his pocket. "Pranking time!"

Everyone collapsed on the ground out of exasperation. "NATSU, YOU BASTARD!" Gray shot back up furiously. "Lucy died and all you can think about is pranking her?"

"Lucy isn't dead, you slanty-eyed bastard!" Natsu snapped back. "I won't let her be!"

"I don't think you get a choice in that Natsu," Mira said softly as she glanced down mournfully at Lucy's unconscious body.

The Master examined the apple with a curious sniff, a lick (Ew), and casting a spell over it. "It's all right!" he reassured the panicked guild. "It's not a proper poison! Just a sleeping curse. All she needs is a kiss from her true love and she'll awaken."

"How do we find Lucy's true love?" Wendy cried out, terrified they never would, and then Lucy truly would be dead.

"We can all just line up and kiss her?" Max suggested uncertainly.

All the men began drooling, apart from Alzack who was blissfully married, and some of them especially Macao and Wakaba started to get nosebleeds at the idea. The girls were less pleased, as Juvia burst into tears and begged her Gray-sama not to do it, Evergreen glowered at Elfman, and Erza pulled out her sharpest sword, ready to kill whoever besmirched her best friend's virtue first.

It was then when Loke decided to come out of his key. "I shall be the first, and only, to kiss my beloved!" he said dramatically, hand at heart, as he looked every inch of the heroic prince.

"LIKE HELL YOU WILL!" Natsu bellowed as he suddenly punched the lion spirit.

That's when a typical Fairy Tail brawl started only all the girls were beating the crap out of the men instead of waiting last minute, and all the men were trying to get close to Lucy as possible. Unfortunately due to the debris flying around as well as the dust storm caused by the constant fighting between them all, no one saw what happened next, but they did know a very irate Lucy was the one to end the brawl as she kicked Natsu into Gajeel, who landed into Team Shadow Gear, who collided with Erza who….well they all went down like dominos.

They didn't question it as they finally tracked down the woman that had been trying to kill the girls, and then Erza got to enact her punishment plan.

Let's just say it wasn't pretty, and no one really got to live happily ever after with those nightmares haunting them.

The End!