There was something rather cleansing in and of itself in listening to Miss Bailey state that she wanted to be clean after years of her mercenary private contracting work. Five still had the benefit of good intentions, it seemed. Harry's time was done, he knew. No matter what Ruth said, he knew he needed to resign. He, too, needed to get clean.
But then, of course, disaster struck. As it always did. Dimitri called from the ship that the explosives Abib brought on board were all gone, that the Plymouth target was a diversion. And it was Miss Bailey who knew about the small submersibles designed to be undetectable. And they'd be through the Thames barrier right about now if they didn't act fast. The SENTRY defense system was offline, hacked by Talwar.
Harry pushed aside anything and everything except the task at hand. He sent Lucas and Miss Bailey to stop Talwar. Ruth and Tariq began the evacuation orders for Parliament and all the other bankside government offices. And Harry knew what he had to do.
He waited until Ruth got off the phone with the HP officials and beckoned her to his office. She followed him and watched as he went to open his safe. He had hoped to never have to open it for this purpose. But if he did, it was Ruth he wanted by his side for it. Needed by his side for it.
"After 9/11, various last resort measures were put in place only to be used in the darkest hour, when all other countermeasures have failed," he explained.
"Sorry, what are we talking about?" she asked in worried confusion.
"Beneath the Houses of Parliament in a reinforced chamber, there's an electromagnetic pulse bomb. Its conventional blast will be contained by the room, but it will kill everything electrical within one kilometer." It gave him chills just to describe.
But Ruth did not seem bothered by the implications. "Then we fire it," she said insistently. "Now."
Harry shook his head. "It's not that simple. There's a reason it's a measure of last resort. It'll take out everything within that radius. That's pacemakers, life support machines. Even aircraft are at risk."
That sunk in. She stared at him with the horror he himself felt. Harry moved to sit down at his desk. Ruth remained standing before him. She leaned forward with an intensity of conviction he wished he shared. "If Lucas can't reactivate SENTRY, we've no choice but to detonate the EMP," she said. "We risk a few deaths to prevent thousands."
"The subs could be duds. They could miss. Abib could have made any one of a hundred tiny miscalculations," Harry countered. He stood up sharply, pushing his chair back. It nearly toppled over. He saw Ruth wince at the violence of his action, but he calmed almost instantly. He paced, arms folded as he held himself together. "These are the choices I didn't want to have to make anymore," he snarled.
She crossed to stand right in front of him, close enough that he could reach out to her if he'd only allow himself. Or she to reach him, if she would allow it. "These are the choices we need you to make," she insisted.
Harry swallowed hard and reached one hand out to pick up the phone, the other hand clutching across his chest as though he'd fall apart. He rather felt like falling apart, though of course he knew he could not. He would not. "We give Lucas as long as possible," he told Ruth, putting Lucas's channel on the speaker so they would know what was happening.
"Harry, she's not budging," Lucas said.
There was no hesitation as he dialed the number on the protocols in front of him, retrieved from his safe. "This is Harry Peace. Protocol 17872. Stand by to detonate the EMP bomb on my mark."
He could feel Ruth's determined gaze burning into him. Her trust and her faith in him and his leadership so heavy that he could feel himself cracking under the weight of it. She believed in him in a way no one ever should. Not anymore. Not the way she did. Not the way he knew had caused him to fall in love with her. Ruth saw more in him than anyone ever had. Not just his ability to do this job but his whole heart outside of this job, too. She loved him, somewhat inexplicably. But Harry knew that this, right here, was what had brought them together. Her faith that he could lead and make hard choices and protect the world. And she was his right hand in all of it. His true north, guiding him towards the light through the shadows. This was what had made them.
Tariq appeared in the doorway. "Two torpedo-like objects approaching Westminster Bridge," he informed them.
"No time left," Ruth added softly.
"Three, two, one, mark," Harry ordered.
Ruth gave a sharp inhale. Harry could hardly hold the phone as he stared at her, unable to look anywhere else with what he had just done. It was because of her. For Harry, it would always be because of her.
Tariq returned, announcing that the teenaged girl Talwar was in custody and Lucas and Miss Bailey were on their way back before ducking out once more. Harry gave a nod to Ruth, indicating that she should take care of things.
"I have calls to make," he told her. He felt sick, wondering about the damage done with that EMP.
Ruth reached out and put her hand on his arm. "Let's talk on the roof later, after we get things sorted," she said gently.
All Harry could do was give her a curt nod.
It did not take long to manage everything, though Harry was feeling frustrated and somewhat claustrophobic in his office. After he saw the HS on the evening, he grabbed his coat and mobile and decided to have his final call to the Home Secretary up on the roof as he waited for Ruth. He felt her eyes follow him as he made his way to the pods, though he managed not to look at her. It was hard not to, especially given the way things had changed between them. All he ever wanted to do was look at her. Hold her, touch her, kiss her, talk to her, be with her. And knowing he couldn't have any of that here was one of his main motivations in giving Towers his resignation. He wanted Ruth outside the Grid. But after just one day of them being engaged and working together, he knew he couldn't have that. He knew he could not separate their worlds. There was no separation to be had. As usual, Ruth was right.
He dialed the Home Secretary. They had spoken many times already, so there was no need for pleasantries.
"I'm really rather resentful about having to trot out all this nonsense about a chain reaction on the Tube," Towers complained, though he did so in his good-natured sort of way that Harry had, within one day, come to expect.
"I saw you on the six," Harry replied. "You were magnificent."
Towers paused, presumably smiling. "You made an extraordinarily difficult decision today, Harry. I applaud you for it. I suppose that's the only thanks you'll ever get. Unless a peerage tempts?"
If it were any other sort of day and Harry were feeling somehow less desperately low about everything, he would have smiled. Instead, he merely answered, "I am sufficiently ennobled, thank you very much. And…" He felt the words come out of his mouth before he had really decided, but he knew it was the right thing. "You can dispose of that letter, Home Secretary." Ruth was right. Harry could not resign. He could want to, but he knew he needed to stay on.
"Glad to hear it," Towers replied. "I mean that." He took an audible breath. "Well, I'm sure I'm due at Mumsnet, or something. Until the next catastrophe."
And with that, both men hung up. Harry stood at the railing as he'd done a thousand times before, looking out over the city he had saved, trying to breathe in the fresh air. Trying to breathe that freshness into his weary soul.
Footsteps sounded. Harry didn't need to turn to know whose they were. And in fact, he didn't turn until she spoke.
"St. Thomas's backup generator kicked in just in time. I thought you'd want to know," she informed him with a gentle smile.
Harry couldn't find it in him to smile just now. Not even at her. "So I only caused the deaths of nine people," he said darkly.
Her face filled with worry for him. She told him, "They're having to bring the submersibles up by night, but the Navy divers have examined them, and they say they're legit. So nine people died in the EMP, but you saved thousands."
"Is it all just maths, Ruth?"
Her eyes glistened with tears, but she didn't let them fall. "You know, I think sometimes it is," she said.
They both shared the same sad, knowing smile.
"Harry," she implored.
He opened his arms to her, and she practically fell into them, hugging him fiercely and pressing her face into the collar of his coat. Harry felt himself finally feel peace for the first time since he had left her this morning. If it weren't cold and they weren't bundled up, he would have insisted on taking her engagement ring off that chain and putting it back on her finger so he could see it there and know that it was all real, that their future was still agreed between them. As it was, the fact that he could hold her in his arms like this and feel the warmth of her against him was proof enough. This wouldn't have been possible otherwise.
They were quiet for a few moments, breathing together and taking comfort in one another after such a long and trying day. Harry couldn't wait to take her home and kiss her and hold her all night.
Unfortunately, there were still things to do before that. He pulled back slightly so he could speak to her. She looked up at him expectantly, and he pushed her hair out of her face with his gloved hand. "I'm going to offer Beth a job. We need different kinds of people here," he said. That was another thing he'd decided just as the words came out of his mouth. Perhaps he and Miss Bailey could help each other get clean. She was clever and well-intentioned and experienced in her way. She would be good for them. "In fact," Harry continued, "I'd like you to tell her."
"I will," Ruth assured him.
She leaned in again and put her head on his shoulder. Harry held her close, reveling in it.
"Does this mean that you'll be staying?" she asked.
"I've told Towers to tear up my resignation letter."
Ruth pulled back again to look at him. "I've been thinking about it. Worrying about you. In the midst of everything else. It's not just that you're needed here, Harry. You are. You need to stand on the wall, even if you don't want to. But…but for me, it's more than that."
Harry had figured this out already, that they needed to be on the Grid together or else not at all.
But then Ruth surprised him. "It would be a lie, Harry." He felt his heart drop in his chest. "Can you even picture it? Us in a little house in Sussex? What would we do? What would we talk about when the neighbors came round? I think we've forfeited the chance for that sort of life, Harry, you and me. The things we've seen together. The things we've done. And here, we can face all that in the open. There, we'd have to hide it away. We couldn't be more together than we are right now."
She pulled herself back in, practically burrowing herself inside him. He didn't know what to say, this idea that not only could Harry not leave, but that neither of them could. And the terror that perhaps she was right.
"You can't leave without me," she said, muffled into his coat, reading his mind. "We can't have a life out there if we don't have one here as well. We belong here. We belong together. In all of it."
"I know," he whispered. He pressed a kiss to the part of her head he could reach. "I am sorry I didn't talk with you first about all this. I'm sorry I worried you."
Ruth disentangled herself from him at last, wiping the stray tears from her eyes. "We've got to figure this out, Harry," she said with a humorless laugh. "This was just our first day of this."
Harry reached into his pocket for a clean handkerchief for her. "This was not a usual day."
She just sighed. He knew what she meant. There were no usual days anymore. Though not every day was as hard as this one.
"We'll manage," he said.
Ruth didn't answer. She just dried her eyes with his handkerchief and went up on her toes to press a quick kiss to his lips. When she pulled back again, they were both smiling. Harry realized that this was the first proof he'd found all day that he still had any ability to smile.
He cleared his throat, knowing they couldn't get carried away here. "Will you sort out Beth's clearances?" he asked.
"I will," she assured him. And with that, she turned and headed back down to the Grid.
Harry stayed up on the roof for a little while, breathing in the fresh air.