Summary: Inspired by an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Natsu starts taking classes on how to date Lucy from Loke….he really needs to stop getting ideas.

Pairings: Implied Natsu/Lucy, Loke/Lucy, Gray/Lucy, and Gray/Juvia.

YouTube Prompt: A tribute to all the chaos Fairy Tail causes the Master to My Chemical Romance's Teenagers. Because I think a clip of the Master crying over the expenses goes hand in hand with the chorus line 'They might leave you alone but not ME!'

"Note how sixty per cent of the duvet cover is on Lucy's side of the bed," Loke tapped his lecturing stick at the image the lacrima was projecting onto the wall. "There is no doubt in the world that Lucy Heartfilla is, and always will be, a blanket hog. So any questions?"

"Yes," Gray piped up from the back, "does Lucy know you two are doing this?"

"GRAY!"

Loke dropped his lecturing stick in shock while Natsu shot up from his slouched position on one of the desks and into a fighting pose. "What are you doing here, you bastard?" Natsu snarled.

"Hiding from Juvia," Gray admitted sheepishly. "She's been…weirder than usual today, and I thought the town council hall would be the last place she'll look. Then I found you two knobs. Well actually, first I found this sign," he held up a paper made sign that simply read Lucy 101. "What the hell are you two doing? Lucy 101? Isn't that invading her privacy? Do you two have a death wish? You know what she's like about her privacy. And why would you want to know whether or not she's a blanket hog?"

"Loke is teaching me how to date her!" Natsu said in his usual, bright, and cheerful demeanour.

This cemented every thought Gray ever had on Natsu being a fucking moron. I mean, come on! Gray thought, it's so obvious what's happening here. Gray sighed as he realised he probably had to spell it out to Natsu.

"So Loke has dated Lucy?" he asked.

"NO!"

"Constantly in my dreams and sometimes in reality as well," Loke said dreamily, "Each time my beloved calls upon me for a mission it is a date-"

"SHUT UP YOU BASTARD!" Natsu punched Loke.

Fortunately Loke was the cool and collected type of man, and responded with a disapproving sniff before he straightened his tie. Otherwise the town council would have had to bill Fairy Tail for damages. After all, if it had been Gray, Natsu had punched, there would be likely very little left of the building by the time their fight was over.

"So if Loke hasn't dated Lucy then why is he the best person to go to for dating Lucy advice?" Gray asked. Come on you flaming idiot! Use your brain for once in your bloody life! "And don't you already know about her sleeping habits?"

Gray and Erza also knew far too much about Lucy's sleeping habits because of three things, one, Happy is a little shit stirrer that tells every little gruesome detail to everyone, two, Natsu had mentioned the odd thing here and there in the past, and three, they had watched Lucy sleep a couple times when they've broken into her house or slept in the same room for a mission.

"Yeah, so far Loke's advice has been completely useless," Natsu scratched the back of his head stupidly. Seriously, to Gray he looked like a monkey. A very stupid one. "All he's done is told me things I already know about Luce, and absolutely nothing on how to date her."

"Did it ever occur to you he might be sabotaging you?" Gray pointed out.

Natsu's blank face gave him the answer he already knew. It then turned into a furious shade of purple, as smoke came out of his ears, and flames started to appear on his body. Oh crap! They were so going to pay for damages.

"What?" Loke raised a cool eyebrow. "You think I agreed you were worthy enough to date my master?"

"Why you-"

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"

All three of them stiffened at the sound of Lucy's shrill and furious voice. It was the second most terrifying thing in the world after Erza in general. On the plus side, Natsu's flames had disappeared so the likelihood of having the pay for damages had diminished a bit.

"LUCY!" they all shouted fearfully.

Loke was the first one to recollect himself. He ran a hand through his hair, and stepped confidently towards Lucy. "What brings you here, Lucy?" he purred flirtatiously. "Was it the strings of fate or the irresistible call of my handsomeness?"

"Seriously dude?" Gray asked exasperated. He knew Loke was great with the ladies but his flirty manner had never worked on Lucy, and doing it in front of a jealous and already pissed off Natsu? Even more stupid of him. Sometimes Gray wonders if he is the only male member in the guild that possess a brain cell.

"No," Lucy snapped, "it was the fact some pervert had stolen all of my underwear, and Happy showed me where he was." At that she shot a venomous look at Natsu….which was fair enough considering, a. Happy knew where her underwear was, b. Natsu has stolen some of it before, and c. there had been guild panty raids in the past, and Lucy, with all her sexy lace, silk, frilly stuff, was always a target.

"I didn't steal your underwear!"

"It was for research purposes."

"Loke, you pervert!" Lucy shrieked. "I'm going to kill you!"

Loke opened his mouth, undoubtedly in order to smooth talk his way out of this mess (not that it would work, it never did with Lucy), when Juvia suddenly crashed through the doors. "Gray-sama, Juvia has found you!" she squealed happily. She then took in her surroundings, saw the lacrima projection of Lucy, saw the sign in Gray's hand, and promptly burst into tears. "Gray-sama, why are you going to class on how to date Love Rival?!" Juvia wailed.

"Oh, crap!"

"Juvia will never forgive Love Rival for this!"

It is needless to say that they ended up paying damages after all. But it wasn't because of Natsu (for once!) but because Juvia tried to drown them all, and ended up flooding the place with her tears.