Ruth had lived a dozen different lives, it felt like, but she had always felt like she knew what she was doing. She went to school and did her studying. She went to work at GCHQ and lived her boring life in Cheltenham. She came to London and learned how to live life on the Grid and go out with her friends and enjoy the shelter of her little house with her cats. She'd traveled the continent in hiding after Cotterdam and knew to stay clear of detection. She worked her menial jobs, she went on dates to not draw attention to her secretive nature, she found safety and happiness with a handsome doctor and his beautiful son. She was dragged back to London and returned to a life on the Grid where she knew her role.
But now, she was filled with uncertainty and confusion in a way she very much disliked. Life was the same as it had been last week, and yet it was entirely different, and Ruth didn't know what to do about it.
She had a secret engagement ring on a chain around her neck, hidden in her blouse each day. She had all the regular duties on the Grid. She had a flatmate for the first time since she was at university. And that flatmate was friendly but distant, and Beth's presence on the Grid was causing tension.
Lucas had a problem with Beth, and he had asked Ruth to keep an eye on her at home. And really, there wasn't much for Ruth to keep an eye on. Beth seemed entirely ordinary. They were polite and kept out of each other's way for the most part. Ruth wasn't really home all that much, spending most of her time on the Grid like always. But Lucas was still suspicious, and he and Beth sniped at each other constantly. Dimitri was doing a good job mediating between them. Ruth knew that Harry was waiting to see how things leveled out with his team. Ruth herself just tried to keep out of it. After all, it had only been a few days since Beth had been hired, and they were all still finding their way.
Every time Ruth went home, she knew Beth was there or could be back any minute. She wasn't too paranoid over it, but she was very aware that she now shared her flat. On the Grid, there was always work to do and that annoying tension between the field officers to contend with. And in between, Ruth was living with the strange and fantastic knowledge that Harry had proposed to her and she had said yes. It felt like a dream, really, that unexpected weekend. Attending Ros's funeral, accepting his proposal, choosing an engagement ring, sitting on the sofa watching television together. And then he had gone to exact revenge on Nicholas Blake and arrived late to her homecooked meal for him and taken him to her bed. The next day, they'd thwarted a terrorist attack and Beth had been asked to join the team and Lucas instructed her to live with Ruth. Ruth hadn't spent any time alone with Harry since he'd woken up in her bed on Monday morning. It almost made her feel as though it had been a dream. A wonderful dream far outside of reality. In fact, if it weren't for the ring she could feel against her chest, she might think she'd imagined the whole thing.
Ruth looked around the Grid and saw everyone working on reviewing their intel. They did not have an active operation this week, but there were quite a few things in the pipeline for them to keep their eye on. Ruth had spent the last two days reviewing translations and cross-referencing Al-Qaeda forums. Usually a junior analyst would be doing it, but the one assigned to it was out sick, and Ruth knew they couldn't let these things linger unchecked. But it also meant that she wasn't actively engaged in anything too urgent at the moment.
She looked up to the window into Harry's office. He was at his desk, reading something. She glanced around to make sure no one was paying attention to her. When she was comfortable that they were all otherwise engaged, she picked up her phone and dialed the extension into Harry's office.
He hardly looked up from the page as he picked up the phone. "Yes?"
"I could use some air. Fancy a walk by the river?" she asked quietly.
Harry looked up at her through the window and gave a small smile. "Would you like me to walk you out or go up separately?"
She hesitated. Firstly because he was using that low, delicious tone of voice that never failed to make her body tingle with want of him. But also because she wasn't entirely certain whether they should be seen walking out together. "Get your coat and walk out with me," she answered. They were going to be married. And even though they weren't going to tell anyone until after Malcolm found out this weekend, they would have to get used to people seeing them together. Harry had told her once that she was the beacon of light in his world of shadows. Well, Ruth had agreed to marry him and to be his wife in every sense of the world. They'd not hide themselves away.
It only took a minute for Harry to hang up the phone, get his coat from where it was hung in his office, and walk over to her desk. She stood and put on her own coat without a word. No one seemed to take much notice of them leaving together.
They walked side by side out of Thames House and across the street towards the embankment were they'd often spent time alone together when they needed to get away from the Grid. There was a slight chill to the air and a bit of a breeze, but the sun was bright and the sky was a rare and beautiful blue.
"What a lovely day," Harry noted, speaking aloud what Ruth herself had just noticed. "This was a good idea."
Ruth hummed in agreement.
"Did you have a particular reason for it, or did you just fancy my company for some fresh air?" he asked.
"Bit of both, actually. I did want some fresh air and to have you join me. But I was just thinking how strange it's all been since…"
"Since I asked you to marry me," he supplied.
She nodded. "I've hardly seen you in days, what with everything going on."
"It is odd that we're engaged to be married and yet life has gone on very much the way it has before these last few days," he agreed.
"I suppose I just wanted to be sure I didn't imagine it all."
Harry paused beside the railing overlooking the river. He took Ruth's hand and pulled her against him. And before she knew what was happening, his mouth had descended upon hers. His kiss was full of fire in a way that made her head spin. She vaguely knew they should be doing this, not out in public within walking distance of Thames House. But oh, she couldn't bear to stop it. Not just yet. She whimpered against his lips and his tongue surged into her mouth and Ruth nearly went weak in the knees. His embrace tightened around her, holding her up and keeping her pressed against him. The beautiful memories of him covering her body and moving inside her flooded her mind.
Ruth pulled away, ripping her lips off his. He leaned forward for an instant to chase her back, but they both stopped. "Harry," she said breathlessly.
"I'm sorry," he answered, also panting heavily.
"No, don't be sorry," she insisted, reaching up to caress his cheek. It was early enough in the day still that his face was still smooth from his morning shave. "But we can't be doing this here, and you know it."
"I know," he agreed. "But it's been two days since I've kissed you. And as you said, I wanted to be sure that we didn't imagine it."
Ruth smiled at that. "You wouldn't have tried to kiss me like that if we'd imagined it."
"And you wouldn't have let me."
She gazed into his honey hazel eyes, seeing love and joy that had been so rare for so very long. Ruth wanted very much, in that moment, to cuddle up close to him and kiss him again and hide away from the world in the bubble of their love. But of course, it was the middle of the day on a Wednesday and the world did not allow such things for Ruth Evershed and Harry Pearce. With a resigned sigh, she said, "Let's walk a little while."
Harry gave a single nod and allowed her to lead the way as they walked. After about ten paces, he reached out to take her hand.