Summary: Max wakes up to realise he isn't sleeping with his lover…

Pairings: Broom/Max/OC

YouTube Prompt: A Elfman/Evergreen video to My Dirty Little Secret by American Rejects because…well that's how they've been acting recently.

Max moaned and snuggled more closely to the slim, warm, wooden frame of his lover. His lover playfully poked him back, hard in the stomach, but that wasn't anything new as he nuzzled the scratchy surface of its skin and smiled happily. His back ached, his head pounded, and his throat was dry as the desert which meant that he was definitely sleeping on the floor in the guild building after another wild party. Not that it mattered, he and his lover were used to waking up and finding out they had….ahem, performed, in front of everyone. They ignored the complaints, after all everyone else was just jealous that they weren't getting any. He lifted a hand to caress the bristly, dry, straw hair only to find wet, greasy, strands as his hand entangled into the beer-smelling locks….this wasn't his lover's hair.

His eyes shot open and it takes moments for the horror to sink in. the seconds could be heard loudly ticking away as his realised just exactly what he had done.

His screams could be heard throughout Magnolia.

"What the hell, Max?!" Macao shouted as he clutched his ears.

"Yeah," Wakaba puffed his cigar, "some of us are dying over here. Give us some peace."

"Dude, what's the problem?" Cana groaned as she snuggled against her keg. "You've woken up in worst positions with that broom of yours."

"I've cheated on Bertha!" Max wailed.

"Who?"

Max clutched the mop to his chest and sniffled but the moment he realised who he was still holding, he screamed again, and chucked the mop across the room. "What is wrong with me?!" he cried out.

"We're all wondering the same thing."

"How could I be so disgusting, so despicable, so cruel, so heartless…?" Max bemoaned. "She was the love of my life! The light in this dark, twisted, world. The sweetness to my bitter, the-"

"Mummy," Asuka piped up, looking fearful, "why is Uncle Max is being so weird?"

"He isn't, sweetie," Bisca said as she dragged her child far away as possible, "he just needs some therapy."

Max ignored them as he began to rock back and forth.

He was a cheater.

He had cheated on Bertha the broom with Mindy the mop!

"HOW COULD I?!"

People began to edge away from him. He didn't care though. He was too busy freaking out. How on earth could he ever undo what he had done? How could he ever make it up? How would Bertha ever forgive him?!

("Psst! Lucy! Don't tell anyone but I swapped the broom with the mop to play a joke on Max, tee hee!"

"….You're an asshole sometimes.")