Summary: Set before Tenrou arc.Once a month the female members go away to dance, and this time, the boys are going to find out where it is they go.
Pairings: Natsu/Lucy, Gray/Juvia, Gajeel/Levy, one-sided Jet/Levy/Droy, Elfman/Evergreen, tiny bit of Alzack/Bisca, a little Romeo/Wendy, Cana/Alcohol, Bickslow/Evergreen/Freed friendship, Sibling Elfman/Mirajane/Lisanna, and some other general friendship ships.
YouTube Prompt: A crack video to 'The Internet is for Porn' from the Avenue Q musical. Because I can so see Lucy or Levy trying to make an instruction video on the internet and all the boys interfering and jumping in to say how it's for porn.
It was that time of month again.
No, not that time of month, the other one. The one where the girls were all mysterious and shit instead of absolutely terrifying (the boys now had protocol for that that includes chocolate, cake, and lots of running away). There they stood, all twelve of them, dressed to the nines for their monthly dance.
Which the boys still didn't know anything about and it was starting to kill them.
"You look like twelve princesses," Freed complimented the girls. He always did while the others were too busy sulking, or goggling at the girls. They all looked stunning to him, Ever in her best, dark, green party dress, Mirajane in a lovely purple number, and all the younger ones in their various colours of party dresses.
"Yeah," Bickslow agreed, "Twelve slutty princesses."
"Bickslow!" Freed shouted scandalised.
Though there was an element of truth to Bickslow words. The girls all had plunging necklines and very high hemlines to their dresses, apart from Wendy, who just looked cute in her party frock, but still! That's not what you say! And the girls turned from smiling beauties to scowling terrors within minutes.
"Ignore Bickslow!" Elfman shouted, terrified for his life, after all he knew what his big sister was like when her temper got out of hand. "He is not manly to know a true princess when he sees one! You all look MAN!"
Freed face-palmed and wondered why he even bothered with this uncultured lot. Perhaps he should try and muscle in on girl's night out.
"Come on girls," Ever said furiously, "let's all get out of here before Elfman tells us how we look like transvestites."
And with that, the girls left scowling, muttering darkly, and shooting murderous looks at the boys as they walked past. Apart from Wendy, who just shot a shy smile, and then a hesitant worried look at her cat (who harrumphed her disapproval and turned round) before she ran after the girls.
"I don't get it," Natsu whined, "where do they go that only twelve of them go and not me!"
"It's a girl's night, dumbass," Gray rolled his eyes, "do you look like a girl? Well you do but that's not the-"
Natsu punched Gray and before they knew it another fight broke out between them. "Salamander has a point," Gajeel growled as he ducked in time to avoid the chair Natsu chucked at Gray, "where exactly are those girls going? They're taking the kid with them too, what if they go somewhere unsavoury?"
There is a moment of silence as the boys of Fairy Tail considered the dangers their twelve precious female members could get into. There was no doubt that Mirajane, Erza, and Evergreen could handle themselves. But Lisanna had only just come back from the dead, Kinana was a gentle soul, Laki would surely aggravate someone, Wendy was just a kid, Bisca was almost defenceless without her gun, Cana could be a cationic drunk, Levy was a tiny little thing, Juvia was prone to tears, and Lucy would surely get kidnapped again….
Jet was the one that suggested it; "Let's follow them!"
But they were the morons that ran after the girls in a desperate and pathetic need to ensure they were all right….and to find out where they have been going for the last couple months.
(Meanwhile the Master came home to find the guild absolutely empty apart from Macao and Wakaba who were both smoking in the corner. He scanned the empty room one more time for any signs of life and then came to the conclusion that his eldest two members had snapped and killed the children.
"Where the hell are all my brats?!"
"Never mind," Macao shrugged, "It means we can have some peace and quiet!"
"…"
"Did I mention that I have a fifty year old whiskey that I've been hiding from Cana?"
"LET'S PARTY!")
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
Mirajane and Lisanna were enjoying a sister act of conning men into giving them free drinks. Okay, that may sound cruel, but it was only a little flirtation, a dance here and there, and nothing else. No hanky panky. Mira would never allow it. A particularly cute boy had just brought the two of them champagne cocktails, and arrogantly moved his hand from Mira's lower back to her bottom when he was suddenly ripped off of her.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTERS!" Elfman roared. "OR I'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WEREN'T A MAN!"
"Elfman!" Mirajane cried out horrified. "Let the poor boy go!"
Elfman did and had moved to check his sister's wellbeing when he tripped over a stool, staggered, and landed into Evergreen who was doing her own flirting. Together they fell onto the floor, Evergreen straddling Elfman.
"Watch it, you idiot!" Evergreen hissed at him. "You're such a clumsy oaf, I don't know why-"
"Ooh," Bickslow cooed. "Elfman and Ever!"
"Elfman and Ever! Elfman and Ever! Elfman and Ever!"
"Do my eyes deceive me?" Freed smirked. "Ever has gotten herself a man without turning him into stone."
"What are you two morons doing here?!" Evergreen shrieked as she leaped off of Elfman. "Freed, you don't even like night clubs!" Realisation sank in with not only Evergreen but Mirajane and Lisanna. "Wait, if you're here then…."
"GRAY-SAMA!"
They all turned in time to see Juvia tackle Gray. The half-naked boy staggered but managed to keep upright as the water mage clung to his waist.
"Gah!" Gray cried out horrified. "Juvia! Let me go!"
"Juvia thought she sensed you!"
"What?!"
"Let's dance!"
"Gah!"
They then caught sight of Alzack who was hovering around Bisca nervously as she spoke to another man. Warren, Nab, and Max surrounded Laki and Kinana overprotectively to the point that Laki's eye was beginning to twitch and Kinana was no longer smiling softly. And then they saw Reedus trying to do the impossible….stop Cana was from poisoning her liver.
"Oh God!" Lisanna moaned. "Let's warn the others before-"
"LEVY-CHAN!"
They watched in horror as poor Levy was yanked away from a boy she was dancing with by two, very overprotective, male members of their guild. She tried to run from them, far too embarrassed to even look up from the ground, but they caught up with her quickly as they argued over who was going to dance with her.
Evergreen, Mirajane, and Lisanna all turned a very evil eye, as dark purple aura of hatred leaked out of them, to Elfman, Freed, and Bickslow. The three of them gulped as a very demonic voice came out all three girls;
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you perverts!"
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
Levy sighed in relief as she managed to escape Jet and Droy's suffocating behaviour and into the cooler, quieter, bathroom. She pulled out her book from her bag (yes, she brings books to night clubs, how else was she supposed to enjoy them when all her friends get insanely drunk?) and went to sit down on the sink when she catches sight of a tall, black, lurking figure in one of the cubicles.
"Gah!" she yelped as she clutched the book to her chest. "What are you doing here?!"
"What does it look like?" Gajeel grunted, not even bothering to look at her….though considering what he was doing, it was probably for the best that he didn't turn around.
"This is the girl's bathroom!"
"And?"
Levy's eye twitched at this man's sheer stupidity and pig-headedness. "No boys allowed!" she shrieked.
"Tch, like I was going to the men's room. Not even Salamander would want to piss in that poor excuse of a bathroom."
"GET OUT!"
He ignored her, finished his pee, zipped up, and washed his hands before he then flicked water in her face. "You're not the boss of me, Shrimp," he smirked. "Gihihi," he sniggered when he caught sight of her book. "What sort of saddo brings a book to a nightclub?"
Levy's eye twitched and as Gajeel, the complete insensitive bastard he is, kept laughing at her, she completely lost her temper. Could anyone blame her? Her girl's night out was gate crashed by the boys, Jet and Droy ruined her chances to not only have a dance with a nice boy, but to enjoy any form of drink with their overprotectiveness (they thought the waiter was going to drug her for Christ sake!) and now she can't even have peace from the male gender in the girl's bathroom because Gajeel is being a fucking arsehole!
Personally she thought she was entitled to a bit of throttling, unfortunately the girl that walked in on them, and the bouncers that she called, disagreed.
Especially when they thought Levy and Gajeel were doing the nasty BDSM style.
(Someone, please, kill Levy now…)
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
Lucy had been dancing with some mysterious stranger for the last half hour. This wasn't unusual, every month on girl's night out she always ended up dancing with strange men, and often with her back to them, after all it was about dancing, not finding love. Well lust was more accurate in a place like this. But there was something different about this guy. The way he moved seemed to be more in sync with her, he was more respectful of her space and body than any other loser she had encountered, and more importantly, his hands scorched her with their touch.
Seriously, it took a lot of restraint not to moan and give in to this mysterious man.
Then the guy leaned in, his lips almost touching her earlobe, as he murmured; "Hey Luce, I don't know what I'm doing. Is this supposed to be dancing? It's weird. You're such a weirdo, Luce."
Lucy's eyes shot open at the realisation that it was Natsu standing behind her, and she immediately leaped out of his arms, and screamed.
"AH!" her arms waved unattractively as she staggered to remain stand upright in her high heels. "WHAT THE HELL NATSU?!"
The music unfortunately had the terrible timing to turn off just as Lucy screamed. Everyone whirled round to look at them and much to Lucy's humiliation some began to point, whisper, and laugh at them.
But that's not the worst bit.
Oh no!
Erza, being ultra-overprotective when the girls were all out together, had heard Lucy's scream, zoomed in on the cause, and was now marching up towards them, sword at the ready in her hand.
"Natsu!"
"EEK!" Natsu screamed in a very unmanly way. "Erza! Don't kill me!"
Erza chased him around the dance floor, attempting to slash at him repeatedly, only to collide with a big, burly, bouncer, who cracked his knuckles at the ready.
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
Wendy had been hiding in a corner. As she usually did when the girls got scattered across the night club, after all she was in here illegally, there was no need to bring unwanted attention on herself. Hopefully soon though some of the girls would come back and they would pull her up for a dance (well hidden between them so no one can see her) but so far they had all been very busy. In fact Wendy was certain she heard Lucy scream earlier but couldn't be sure.
She took a sip of her juice and as she went to put it back onto the table, she caught sight of him. He looked just as out of place as she felt. "Romeo?"
Romeo jumped, and scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Hi Wendy," he said sheepishly.
"What are you doing here?!"
Romeo shrugged. "It was either this or watch my Dad get drunk with Master and Wakaba….this was the lesser evil."
Wendy couldn't help but sweat-drop at that. "Oh…" she mumbled, and then, without thinking about it, she blurted out; "want to dance?" she blushed the moment the words were of her mouth, not because she liked Romeo or anything. God no, he was just a little kid! Who really shouldn't be here even more than she should. She blushed because she had never been so bold or confident before and it sort of overwhelmed her.
Romeo seemed also just as flushed as Wendy felt and opened his mouth to say something but before Romeo could answer, they saw Elfman fly across the night club, bouncers fighting Erza and Gajeel, Juvia attacking random girls, and several members screaming at one another.
"Oh God," Romeo sank to the ground, "perhaps watching Dad get drunk was the lesser evil after all."
"Hey!" someone shouted. "What are you two kids doing here?!"
"RUN!"
It was needless to say that the entire guild was kicked out of the night club and banned from ever coming back again. It is also needless to say that the girls tried to murder their male members for ruining their night.
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
"Banned for life! I can't believe it!"
It was the next morning and while the older members of the guild were nursing hangovers (Master hadn't even woken up yet, he was still sprawled out underneath a keg tap), the younger members were either nursing sore feet (from chasing their male members in high heels) or concussions and broken bones (the male victims).
"And all because of those fucking morons!" Cana added bitterly. "That was the only night club in all of Fiore that sold eighty five per cent alcoholic vodka."
"Actually," Lucy mumbled to herself, "I think your liver would be grateful for the lack of vodka."
"We should kill them," Erza growled loudly, "I have ruined my best high heels when I shoved the right one up Natsu's nose."
"Aren't they already in hospital?" Kinana asked. "Surely that is enough?"
"They deserve more pain!"
"They ruined our dancing night!"
"Well couldn't we just find somewhere else to dance?" Lucy suggested sensibly. "It's not like that was the only night club in all of Fiore."
"Yeah but where will we go?" Levy asked. "I don't want to end up in some sort of dingy, disgusting, place."
"And we need somewhere close by!" Mira added. "Some of us don't stop working on weekends."
"I think we need to go somewhere very far away," Lucy disagreed, "that needs a train and a boat, that way Natsu will never follow us."
"Leave that to me," Cana said heroically as she opened up a map she kept in her back pocket. "I have visited many night clubs over the years, and I can tell you that some of the best are, here," she pointed at the map. "Here, here, and here, and oh, this one is a good one."
"We're not going to that one," Erza said darkly, "That's Blue Pegasus territory…"
"Well how about this one?"
The girls began to plan their new monthly dancing spot….completely unaware that the boys were sitting (injured and bleeding still) on the balcony eavesdropping on every single word, and totally planning to follow them.