The Way That We Have Been

Why have we been so reckless? Acting like we don't know right from wrong. And it's not like we didn't expect this. When we've really known all along. It could only be so long until we really felt it. We've been digging our way down instead of digging our way out – We Came As Romans

a/n: Three months since I finished Two Paws. For a while, I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue or leave that as my final story. As a result, I figured I'd just mess around with some one shots for a while. So hopefully more to come. I'd say sorry for the long wait, but that's a bit of a broken, scratched as hell record at this point.

The tiger swung a paw at the body of water, watching the pebble skip and bounce the few feet he was able to make it go before it disappeared beneath the ripples. He shook his head and grinned, looking back to the ground for another pebble to add seconds to the slowly progressing day. Much like most waking hours of his life, he yearned for them to end for the night.

Planning out the day was never something he found himself do often. Or enjoy. Normally, he just went wherever the day took him. Even if most days were the same. So long as he was enjoying himself.

And he was doing just that. Out at the lake, thoughts to himself. No one around his space. Just a lone saber. Like he had always been, even before the herd. He never argued. He never wanted to cause problems.

Instead, he found himself often questioning other's points of views. Questioning how they can stay so uplifting through all the struggles and work that came with managing a herd. How much limitless energy everyone around him had even though they had to work twice as hard... at least.

It wasn't like he didn't do his part to help manage it all. He did. But if he had known from the start how difficult it was going to be, he likely would've left. But then he never would've met her.

She's all I can think about now.

That exact thought was the reason he was down at the cape so early in the morning. Nights became sleepless with her flooding his consciousness. Though they didn't share sleeping space, the tiger wanted nothing more than that.

I guess everything before this didn't click with her. I could've said so much more. I could've done so much more.

Another problem was the inevitable attention it would bring him if everyone found out. He had been teased of it in the past. It annoyed him then. It would be unbearable now. He just wanted to be alone with her. No one else needed to know.

I'm in love. As childish as that sounds, I'm in love with Shira.

The saber tried once more at the water, the final attempt being nothing more than three skips before plopping down below.

He let out a sigh of boredom before laying down on the sand. The sunrise had just started. So badly he wanted to watch it with her. He wanted to see the change of colors also influence her looks. He'd just keep looking at her as the sun neared it's peak over the ocean's horizon. He'd take in every contrast enhancement the sun gave to her. The light of the day would, for once, brighten up his own.

He couldn't stop thinking about her. Since he first met her, the tiger couldn't recall an alternate thought tracing through him. It honestly shocked him that he still remembered his own name, all things considered.

The energy on his limbs grew weary as he lay down, head to the sand as he watched the coastline attempt to reach him.

I've hardly eaten for the past two days. The hell is wrong with me? Why am I so... out of energy?

It was only strange to him because, in the past, he yearned for adventure. For excitement. He constantly wanted more. Now, for the past year, he was with her. He talked to her. He hunted with her. He'd fall asleep with her.

The problem was, he never fell asleep holding her in his paws. He never talked about anything deeper than average day things with her.

It's been a whole year. Nothing's happened. It's just that... life's been going. Drifting. I lost track of it all. I fell out of it.

Now he only wondered if she was even worth it. If she even wanted to be his mate in the first place.

Sure doesn't seem like it.

He growled to himself as he tossed another stone in, the familiar clicks of water being just about the only thing that can distract him for a good second or two. But it inevitably turned his thoughts back to her. How uninterested she seemed to be. He wasn't sure what it was, exactly. Him? Her? It's like she wasn't happy to see him everyday. She never seemed excited. She never seemed... to love him.

Who's to say he wasn't the same way?

Guess I oughta head back before they wonder where I am.

He didn't want anyone to find him there. It was his place to be alone. His time to himself. It was rather far from the settling spot, but that was the whole idea. He liked being a lone saber. He didn't need anyone. Maybe he didn't need her... right?

Just then, another thought crossed his mind. Something he had been more focused on since she entered his life. Something he wouldn't give a damn about, otherwise.

Maybe a quick run before sunset?

He knew it was out of the ordinary for him. It didn't take much to figure out why he'd consider it. It was obvious his past self would never have the energy to stay in shape. There was no real reason to care.

You know why you're doing this.

His pessimism had always irritated him, but now it seemed to be a never ending cycle ever since she showed up. The truth was, he wanted to look his best in front of her. The even harder truth was, he found that difficult to pull off with his constant rehashing of self doubt. So for him to be doing this every day since they arrived here, burning carbs excessively, it really made him think. It really made him wonder. Was she the key to everything?

Even as he sprinted across the fields, his mind focused more on her than anything else. He would often imagine her in front, sprinting ahead, gradually gaining distance from him. Why? Because it motivated him. It kept his energy constant. He wanted so much out of her. He wanted to show her so much. Everyday that passed, more and more of that lustful determination built up inside.

What I would give to spend a night's worth holding her perfect form. To breath in every scent. To love her in every way I can find.

The more he thought about it, the more frustrated he got at the realization that it could never happen. At least if things kept going the way they have been. He always felt he needed to change something. About himself. About his life. Maybe it was something smaller than he thought.

Maybe it was her.

It had been a twenty minute run through the island's wilderness. So much green at every corner. Cliff sides waved over the jungled biome. Becoming lost in it all wouldn't prove all that difficult. But he knew his way around. Spending more time here rather than where the herd resided sort of did that naturally.

Many more minutes went by as the tiger found himself atop the highest peak on the island. The altitude was child's play compared to his former pack's den at Half Peak.

Not wanting to think up old, forgotten memories, Diego distracted himself by surveying the entirety of the island. Everything could be seen from his height. The coastlines they washed up on during their first arrival. The uprooted tree they used as a hold for their "prisoner".

And the cove. Where he first admitted any sort of feelings for her. Even from the height he was at, he could still see the powerful force the water's current made out into the ocean. If anyone were to fall in, they'd probably never be seen again.

Truthfully, the only reason he came up here every morning was to look out for anything on the horizons. Any sign of a threat. He knew the pirates were still out there, though their captain likely wasn't, it made no difference. There was something out there wanting revenge. That was all the reason he needed. As much as he'd like to think he was doing this to protect the herd, it was, in fact for something far more important. Far more valuable. Far more precious.

It was for her.

He had secretly sworn to protect her at the cost of everything else. After seeing her eyes. Her face. After hearing her voice. Nothing else mattered after that.

Why I believe that, I don't know. But... I love it. It lets me feel... something.

He could even spot the herd from that altitude. Though, even with his keen eyesight, he could only make out blurs of color. And there was one in particular that he was looking for. Then he spotted it.

Silver.

Her sparkling coat seemed to blind him even from that distance. Or maybe she was just so mesmerizing to the tiger. Either way, he could tell she was talking to someone. He couldn't tell who, though it mattered very little to him. Rather, he was curious to know what she was talking about.

Maybe me?

Almost instant, he mentally punched himself for even thinking that. For how engaging he had been over the past couple of weeks, he figured she didn't even remember his name at this point.

He growled off the frustration, taking one last survey around the horizon before heading back down the cliff side.

What can I do differently today? Is there anything I can try? Something I can say to her? God, it's been a whole year!

In his heart, the answer was held. He never wanted to let it die. The reason she meant so much to him. Simply put it, he had nothing else. At least not since she showed up. Leaving his pack in favor of a herd seemed to spark the same fulfillment, but not nearly to the same extent she seemed to. Everything else paled in comparison.

His mind wandered in these thoughts as he subconsciously led himself through the jungled scenery. Certain fruits hung from the trees. Vegetation ran along the floor. He considered grabbing some to share with her. But like always, he ultimately chose against it.

It's not because I'm lazy... or inconsiderate. I'm just... too damn scared to even talk to her. And everyday, it seems to get harder and harder. Why?

He couldn't stop the tears as the emotions caught up to him. His reserved mentality always led him back to his roots with his father. How much of a hard-ass he was, causing the tiger to feel worthless. Insecure. And he became so closed in nature because of it. He never expressed himself. It was something he had never told anyone. And he sure as hell didn't want to dump that problem onto her.

It's no concern to her, anyway.

As he grew closer to the herd's settlement spot, he thought of what the two of them had done over the past year. Unsurprisingly, the list was small.

We've hunted together MAYBE twice. Otherwise, we'd just get our own food.

It bugged him that not once did he go out of his way to bring back food for her. Not once had he ever asked how she was doing. But there was one thing above all else that bugged him the most.

I've never told her how amazing she was.

Before he knew it, he had walked into the herd gathering. It only annoyed him because a few tried to pull him aside to talk to him. It was kinda like that for him being a founding member. And he hated it. He didn't care for small talk.

No, the more distractions that came his way, the more determined his heart became. Everything seemed to shut down around him as he padded to where he saw her from the cliff top. Only, she wasn't there.

Great.

From that point, he wasn't sure what to do next. His first thought was to head back to the den and wait for her. Maybe she'd be there. Only time would tell.

As he started heading off in that direction, he heard something that perked his ears.

Someone's crying?

It was really just stuttered breaths, but sadness, none the less.

Down the small hill and through the bushes, he gazed upon the beauty in the seeping sunlight. It really had him question if there was a heaven, because the view before him seemed to contradict that.

She lay in the padded grass, walled off by various plants and trees. Only seconds later did she notice him and instantly tried to regain her composure.

Is this where she always goes, everyday?

It struck him as difficult to say something, mainly because... that's how he was. But he figured, with all the willpower he had, he'd be the one to start the talking for once.

"Hey."

Even forcing a smile was something he found difficult, and he knew she could tell as she sniffled before turning away.

God, what am I doing?

He shook his head, fighting every uncomfortable strand in his veins before letting out the first comforting act he ever gestured.

"Is everything okay?" He choked to say. Even after, he felt weak. Damaged, almost. As if he had taught himself to never have concern in anything. Maybe because those he lived with in his past life were exactly the same.

At first, she still faced her backside to him, but soon she lifted herself up, Diego admiring every curve of her form. Every strand of silver on her pelt. As she turned to him, her eyes struck him emotionally. They were so powerful. So fierce. So full of life. However, hurt coated over them. So badly the tiger just wanted to run up against her and hug her. To show her how much she was cared about.

Instead he sat in silence as she padded by him, leaving him standing there at a loss for what to do. He figured leaving her to be wasn't a terrible option. But that's not what his heart wanted. He wanted something. He needed something to be done.

Sadly, his thoughts overruled his passion as he sighed and headed off on his own. Maybe he'd try again, later that day.

I just can't give up, that's all.

He led himself to the shorelines where they first washed up on that chunk of ice. Memories flooded his mind. Where he felt more open to her if only a little. But over the years, that interest to spark the fire between them seemed to simmer down. And now it's back, for whatever reason, and he was going to take advantage of it.

He walked further along the shores until he reached the massive block of land that rose from the ocean and onto the island. He wasn't sure how it got there. His guess was that it was from when the continent separated. A piece must have ended up there.

Regardless, it was another location he went to for solitude. Sometimes underneath it for shade on a hot day, otherwise he'd be at the top, watching the ocean's waves.

And so he lay there, chin to the ground, taking himself to a comfortable place in his mind, getting lost out in the horizon.

I'd rather get lost in her eyes. Why can't something just happen? What do I have to do? Is it the same problem for her?

Don't be stupid.

The tiger really couldn't believe it was the same issue that maybe she was having trouble expressing herself, too. In anyone else's eyes, she'd seem uninteresting and with a lack of personality.

Whatever the hell that means.

But he saw so much more in her. And he firmly believed it wasn't just because she was a saber like him.

I can tell she's not happy, here.

It pained him deeply to realize that. So badly he wanted to give her the life she deserved. Away from that pirate life. If one could even call it that.

Just the thought. Just the realization that she wasn't happy. That alone fueled him to get up, walk back to the den and show her everything he's kept hidden for far longer than he's known her.

Except, he knew it wasn't going to be so simple. But he didn't let that stop him from going back to the settlement, trying his best to keep a low profile so not to have to bite his lips, turn and put on a fake smile for whoever the hell thought they were important enough to stall him from more important matters.

I'm done with this. It's always one god damn excuse after another. No more. I'll know the answer in less than five minutes.

As usual, his heart raced as he approached the den, which, in reality, was just the same uprooted tree that they kept the silver tigress captive in one year ago. And that was only because, for whatever reason, due to the total lack of caves and inclines on the island.

From in between the roots, he could see the contrasted silver that gleamed over her.

Good. She's here.

He climbed up the remaining cliff side, recalling being wowed by her agile ability to practically wall run up it.

Originally, his plan was to somewhat sneak up on her. Just to surprise her. But that quickly got shoved elsewhere as he stepped on a tree branch, the snapping sound being enough to alert the silver tigress as she growled and positioned herself just at the entrance.

All that aggression eased down as he peered himself around the corner, coming face to face with her.

"Diego!? Christ, you scared me!" She let out in a sigh of exhaustion.

"Sorry."

She just shook her head at his lack of response. All the while, he was mentally kicking himself for it.

For fucks sake, Diego.

"I'm sorry about everything." He managed to slip out. The heat had already gotten to him by saying those four words.

Good. There you go.

She glanced up at him, her head titled in confusion, to which Diego saw as adorable. But to the tiger, that was true with just about everything else that had to do with her.

"What do you mean, everything?" She asked. It surprised Diego that she spoke with such concern in her voice. To an extent he had never seen from her. Instantly, his heart warmed up to that alone.

What are you waiting for? Tell her!

He swallowed his remaining doubt, fighting everything that went against his own willpower.

"I just... I mean... I-

"Diego...

He froze in fear as she spoke so firmly.

"If you have something to say, just say it."

"I don't know how." He spoke from his heart. It was the truth. He didn't know how.

"Why not?"

The tiger lay down and collapsed his emotions. He didn't care anymore. He just needed to know.

"Because that's just how I am."

"Diego.", she said before she lay down in front of him, "There's nothing wrong with that."

He just looked at her, still uncomfortable with eye contact. Specifically if it was her. But he forced himself to look. And after a while, he couldn't stop looking. Almost like he was comfortable with her in such a short time.

She's just amazing.

He breathed out his emotions, lightly grinning and shaking his head.

"What?" She asked.

"There's a lot of things wrong with me, Shira."

"I don't think so."

I can't remember the last time we had an actual conversation like this.

The tiger only took it as a good sign before he noticed her scooting closer to him. As such, he double checked to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"You know... you seemed a little sad, earlier today." He brought up, not meaning to change the subject.

"You noticed, huh?" She sighed with her ears drooped.

"I've been noticing it for a long time. That's why I'm sorry. I could've done something. I... I want you to be happy, Shira."

"Diego..." her tears suddenly came back.

"And... for the past year, I've done nothing. I was too scared. I didn't know how to open myself up. But all that time, I wanted to give you what you deserve. You deserve so much, Shira. I just want to-

His built up rambling never finished as she pressed her lips to his. Instantly, a splash of lustful emotions got the better of them both. For a whole year, the two had kept their feelings locked away. Each day added to until it felt like their bodies couldn't physically hold anymore.

"Shira..." the only word he managed to say as she grabbed his head and pulled him back down with her, the kiss urging on even further than he expected it to.

There's no way... I just... this is happening?

He held nothing back as he hugged her tight, savoring the feeling of her soft pelt in his paws. He never wanted to let go. At least not for the rest of the day.

"Shira, I-

Again, he was cut off to her eagerness as she clenched his head and pushed it even harder against her lips. Everything she showed with such raw power and pure emotion. She truly was something else. She really was amazing.

A whole year I could've been doing this. But now it'll be twice as good to make up for it.

Just the thought of this happening every waking morning had him purr uncontrollably as she inevitably did the same. And he was fine letting her do whatever she wanted for the rest of the day. What surprised him were the hours that went by, the two showing signs of fatigue and exhaustion, but the fire that had been lit refused to sizzle out. As such, their remaining strength caused them to collapse onto each other.

Both panted as they looked into the other's eyes. Now instead of exploring with their bodies, they explored with their sight, each admiring what the other gave in appearance.

"I love you so much, Diego." She expressed, her eyes looking tired yet relaxed.

His heart seemed to stop at the shock and unexpected pace of her words. But never had he heard something so life changing. So surreal. And he sure as hell wasn't going to take any of it for granted.

"I'm sorry it took so long." He admitted, for the first time, showing tears in his eyes to her.

"Don't apologize for that." She insisted.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize for that, either."

"Shira..."

He knew she was so much stronger than him. He knew she was in pain for years. But when everything was over, it would all be the same for both of them. He'd make it up to her. Not just for the past year, but maybe her whole life.

I am speechless tonight. As I stare into the sky. I feel endless compassion, forgiveness, and love. I feel everyone who is looking up sharing this. I feel unexplainably alive. I need to understand what we've grown to be.