Summary: The first and last time Fairy Tail had an open mic night…
Pairings: Mentions of Elfman/Evergreen, Natsu/Happy friendship, Lucy/Happy friendship, Charle/Happy, Wendy/Charle friendship, implied Cana/Gray, implied Gray/Juvia, the usual implied one-sided Jet/Levy/Droy, implied Gajeel/Levy, and some Gajeel/Lily friendship. Oh and a little Max/Broom if you squint.
YouTube Prompt: A Fairy Tail tribute to the Friends theme song because we really need a Fairy Tail tribute to the Friends theme song.
When Master had agreed to an open mic night he never thought of the consequences it would bring on the guild.
First Mirajane and Elfman went on. Now that wasn't so bad, Mira was lovely as ever, and Elfman played the back-up musician perfectly as he made sure the attention was on his sister only. Everyone enjoyed it and cheered them on, and lots of slightly drunken male members declared their love for Mirajane.
"None of you are manly enough for my Nee-Chan!" Elfman bellowed. "MAN!"
"Ne, ne, Elfman," Mira giggled, "why don't you go and see if Evergreen wants another drink. It's manly to make sure your girl is comfortable."
"I'm/she's not his/my girl!" Elfman and Evergreen shouted.
Their protests were ignored as everyone enjoyed a good drink and Mira was forced up stage once again for an encore.
It all goes down after that.
That's because after that Happy flew on the stage, sunglasses on, and his best bandana in an attempt to look cool. "So fish huh," he said loudly as he took his sunglasses off, "What's with that? Have you ever noticed how weird their names are?"
There was a loud howling whistle from the wind outside and people would swear they heard birds tweeting as everyone stared gormlessly at Happy. Where was he leading with this?
"Trout," Happy said, "blowfish, salmon, tuna, swordfish, haddock, cod-"
"GET OFF THE STAGE!"
"YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!"
"YOU SUCK!"
Instantly defeated by the guild's booing and jeering, Happy immediately burst into tears. "YOU'RE SO MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN TO ME!" he wailed pathetically. "NATSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" he cried as he flew off the stage and into his friend's arms.
"What?" Natsu asked obliviously. "They're right. You do suck. It was just a list of fish names."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NATSU IS MEAN AS WELL!"
And with that Happy flew out of the guild building in floods of tears. Leaving Lucy to run after him (after she shot a disgusted look at Natsu and kicked him hard in the balls for his insensitivity) and everyone else feeling a little guilty. Apart from Natsu. He was still clueless at what he had done…and in agony from Lucy's parting shot.
"Honestly," Charle muttered as she rolled her eyes. "That male cat needs to learn to ignore people's stupidity and not let it get to him."
"Did you find it funny, Charle?" Wendy asked.
"…No."
Wendy was the only one to believe Charle's lie. Not that it mattered, Gray had said something insulting about Happy, and Natsu immediately burst into flames in order to defend his friend's honour (perhaps a little too late…) which meant Erza then took the stage in order to enforce peace after Happy sent Natsu brawling with anyone who hurt his friend. Unfortunately her stage fright got the better of her.
"N-n-n-atsu!" Erza stuttered. "B-b-b- Oh dear God!"
Wendy shrieked as Erza passed out, her face as red as her hair, her body still twitching nervously, and still moaning as she tried to scold Natsu in her unconscious state.
It took both Elfman and Laxus to carry her off stage and even then, Elfman came back with a bleeding nose as she apparently tried to knock Natsu and Gray out (they had both been on the other side of the room at this point). Master just sighed as Wendy healed Elfman and Laxus electrocuted Natsu and Gray into blissful silence.
Then, finally, the other girls came on to sing a song. Laki was tone death, Bisca suddenly grew quite shy as did Levy (though that might have been because Jet and Droy were really cheering her on to the point they had painted her name on their naked chests and that was rather embarrassing), Evergreen kept trying to push everyone else off the stage, and Cana, drunkenly tripped over a wire, and fell of the stage ending the act in mortifying embarrassment for all members of the party.
"Jeeze," Gray muttered. "Come on you drunken moron," he said as he hauled Cana up from the ground. Cana staggered and collapsed on top of the very naked Gray.
"Gray! Your clothes!" she cried out delightedly. "Me like-y!"
"O-Oi!" stop mauling me you moronic sot!"
"Juvia has a new love rival!" Juvia wailed despairingly. "How can Juvia compete with Cana's harlot-ness?!"
Many nearby guild members' sweat-dropped at this but none of them dared say a word to Juvia. She was terrifying in this crazed fangirl state.
"Right!" Gajeel barked which, of course, made everyone jump in the air. "That's it! I've waited long enough. It's my turn now, and I have some new songs to sing to you. First is dedicated to my cat who is awesome-"
"Oh no!"
"SOMEONE STOP HIM!"
Gajeel didn't even make it to the stage when all the male members suddenly tackled him to the ground. "WHAT THE HELL?! GET OFF OF ME YOU FR-" Gajeel didn't get to finish his very loud insulting protest as they immediately gagged him, tied him up, and bundled him into the broom cupboard.
"Touch Bertha's sister Barbra, and you will die," Max said threateningly before he shut the door on Gajeel, and barricaded it with a table or two.
Gajeel's eyes merely widened in the dark cupboard as all he could think was; what the fuck?! There was something seriously wrong with that broom freak. Gajeel then sighed dejectedly and attempted (poorly, he was used to metal not magical ropes) to get free so he could sing his songs. He wanted to sing his Ode to Lily and his long ballad he had written for a certain Shrimp. They would be awesome songs.
"Juvia shall go next," Juvia declared bravely, having stopped trying to plot Cana's murder in favour of a new ill-thought out scheme to win Gray's love. "Juvia has a poem that she wishes to recite. A poem she has written herself in honour of her Gray-sama."
With the other option being Gajeel's singing, everyone was content with the lesser evil and applauded Juvia as she stepped onto the stage.
"Cold, hard, muscles, imprisoning Juvia," she recited solemnly, "his beautiful muscular thighs, riding, thrusting-"
"Oh…my…God!"
"What?!"
"Ara! Ara! I never thought Juvia would be so daring!"
"WAH!" Juvia suddenly burst into tears. "JUVIA IS SO EMBARRASSED! GRAY-SAMA, DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO JUVIA!"
"Guh!"
That was all Gray could get out as he was not only being throttled by a drunken Cana but was beginning to choke on Juvia's tears. In fact Juvia's tears began to not only flood the guild building (Gajeel nervously screamed against his gag as water began to climb up his legs in the cupboard) but blew out the fuses of the electrical equipment and the lights of the building.
There was two seconds of utter silence in utter darkness before pandemonium broke out. Screams, smashing, and violent bashing noises could be heard bebfore the Master decided to enforce some sort of law and order in his usually wild and free guild.
"EVERYONE OUT!"
Everyone obeyed within seconds and soon enough they were beginning to make their way home, soaked to the bone, exhausted, some what traumatised, but overall they thought they had a great night.
"That was brilliant!"
"Levy-Chan was so good!"
"I had fun tonight."
"So did I," Levy agreed cheerfully, "but I can't help but think I've forgotten something," Levy frowned, "something incredibly important."
"Neither can I," Lily agreed with a similar frown.
It wasn't until Mirajane came in the next morning and went in search for polish to do the morning cleaning that Gajeel was set free.
His rampage was cut dramatically short when she knocked him out with a dustpan and brush.
It's needless to say that the Master refused to do anymore open mic nights after that.