Lost Without You
This was never how I thought it would be. How was I to know you would have this effect on me? Like a stranger in a far-away place. Day to day, hoping that it's not too late. Can't you see that you are all I need? - Power Quest.
She showed no signs of stopping. No indication of regret. No second thoughts on what she was doing. She just wanted to grab on tighter. She didn't want him to leave. She just wanted her lips to lap around his for the rest of her life.
For reasons she couldn't explain, even though they were complete strangers, she felt safe around him. She felt warm. She felt wanted. Appreciated. It was only when she met him that she realized how little of that she received in the past.
You're everything to me, Diego.
Her surroundings seemed non existent as he held her while she lay on top of him, loving the feel of her pelt against his own. Loving the golden green tint of his eyes as he stared at her with awe.
It's like there's always a message in his eyes.
In a lot of ways, she was too scared to ask how he felt. She was unsure how to ask. She was still paranoid by the idea that he felt dragged in. Maybe he didn't want this.
But… I want this.
She truthfully couldn't recall a time before that moment. All that she knew was happening right then. And that's where it felt off. It got her to think. It caused her to wake from her dream. From her fantasy she felt so entwined with.
Sounds howled and echoed through the night as she lay there in silence. Looking to the ceiling of the inclined tree, she sighed before getting up to stretch her limbs, though very limited due to the space she had.
So this is how my life is? Stuck? Nowhere to go? She thought as she gazed around the prison she was thrown into.
How metaphoric.
It felt so sudden how much her perspective on the pirates began to change ever since she met the golden saber.
The moonlight was still shining through the rooted tree she found herself imprisoned in as she thought to herself. That was all she needed to recall what had occurred earlier that night. When he offered her water. When he showed her how soft he was.
When I realized how much I wanted him.
Having been offered water may have seemed like a small gesture of care to the silver tigress, but given the lack of compassion she had received her whole life with the crew, it felt like the most heartwarming thing in the world. Though, at the time, she thought nothing of it.
So suddenly, she heard pattering sounds draw closer. It was only moments later that she once again gazed at the golden saber that appeared around the corner. Yet, he didn't walk up to her. Instead, he padded over to the cliff edge where the 'work in progress' ship rested.
For a minute or so, he just sat there, eying the ship she so badly wanted to return to.
Right…
Truthfully, she wasn't sure anymore. She didn't know what she wanted. It all just seemed debatable ever since this eventful opportunity presented itself to her. Maybe it was trying to tell her something.
That saber… like we could be something more?
Before her thoughts continued delving into these new feelings, she saw him get up before turning around and catching her eyes as she peered out the front opening of the tree.
"Still awake, kitty?"
His taunting attitude caused her annoyance to slip out a growl in response. Yet, he only grinned in amusement.
"What do you want?" She hissed back.
A part of her didn't want to talk to him. But another part of her felt glad that he was there. Just having someone to talk to. That was something she never had with the pirates.
"I'd like to get back to the continent… if that's not too much to ask." The tiger humored as he walked up to her.
"Yeah? Well, I missed the part where that's my problem." She sassed back with an eye rolling gaze.
"If you hadn't ambushed us out at sea…"
She just laughed in disbelief. Yes, her crew ambushed them. But it wasn't her calling the shots. It wasn't her making the moves. And it certainly wasn't her fault the ship sunk.
For a bit, the two sabers stood there, eyes wandering elsewhere, thoughts stretching farther as the nightly ambiance and the crisping flames of the nearby fire provided something better than awkward silence for them.
"I can see how keeping me locked in here is gonna help you get back, by the way." She spoke up.
"It might. Give it time." He humored. Though she could tell how aware he was with the flaw of keeping her hostage, she couldn't help but giggle to his remark.
She sighed as she stretched once again, barely catching his staring eyes as she did so.
"What?" She asked with her head tilted as the golden saber just shook his head and cleared his throat.
"N-nothing." Diego stuttered. As such, Shira couldn't help but stretch an amusing smirk across her lips.
"Nothing? You seemed pretty focused on something." She insisted, leaning a bit further out the branched window.
Why am I so intrigued all of a sudden? Why does he seem so… cute all of a sudden?
If she could bite her brain for thinking that, she would've. It was utter disbelief she was falling for him so easily. As if those years of service before the mast hadn't hardened up her perspective on just about everything.
"Honestly…" his voice perked her ears up, "I don't think it would make a difference if I let you out right now."
To this, she was more than intrigued. And curious. It didn't click with her why he might've suggested that. It didn't cross her mind that he brought it up so randomly out of the blue.
Before she thought on the matter any further, Diego began clawing away at the tree. She just kept her distance as he did so, still not certain if she could trust him.
Why did I dream about him, though?
Just by imagining his lips playing with her own, she thought about pouncing on him the second she was freed. Not to harm him, though. Quite the opposite. She wanted to feel a connection. An understanding when she, herself, couldn't understand a whole lot.
As her thoughts lingered, her eyes paced at the floor. Ears barely focused on the audible effort the golden saber created as another rooted piece broke off the tree.
I need to get back to the ship. I just miss it. That's probably why I'm using this saber as comfort right now.
"Okay. You can go, now."
His impatiently toned voice shoved her out of her thoughts as he pulled away the final root.
Couldn't I have just done that?
Not wanting to question that plot hole, she shyly padded her way out of her cell. But it wasn't until she walked up to the cliff edge that she stopped.
Looking down at the docked ship had her feel like she could just break down her held in emotion of twenty years. Her whole body trembled at the thought of returning to the ship.
My crew doesn't even know what happened to me. I could just start over. But… this herd… this saber…
She looked back at him. He wasn't saying anything. He wasn't questioning why she didn't just take off. He just bit his lips and looked to the ground, seemingly hesitant about something. And she really didn't know what to do, either. Neither of them did. Both in different ways, yet involving the other.
It's not like I'm a damsel in distress to him… hopefully. But how else is it suppose to look? I'm lost. I'm just… considering things.
The only thing she really had the energy to do right then was walk back to him. It really felt like the safest place to be.
"Diego…" she spoke with her head down, swallowing the uncomfortable feeling her pirating attitude fought hard to allow.
"Thanks for letting me out."
The tiger didn't respond. He didn't even look at her. He just kept looking towards the ship from the edge, the night constantly whistling of ambiance. Only a few times did she glance over at him, wondering if he even heard what she said.
"You're not appreciated on that ship, are you?"
Her relaxed state suddenly stiffened to that question. One that had taken her whole life to realize whereas it had taken him one day.
"That's ridiculous." She shot back.
"Then why are you still here?"
Each question he brought up only stabbed her in places she didn't want to explore.
"What, you want me to leave?" She asked, looking back towards the ship.
"Not really."
He's so honest.
She truthfully wasn't sure how to respond. But with the rising winds blowing the temperature down, it started to seem like her response had to be physical. And just by glimpsing at his pelt the wind brushed against, the attractive form that was his figure, and the perfect entity that was his face, she just HAD to know what it felt like to lean into him. To feel his warming embrace.
From the heat of the moment, she would've done just that had it not been for her stomach deciding that now was the perfect time to growl abruptly.
She stiffened in place from the embarrassment. So quickly, her rugged pirate attitude weakened in showing.
Why the hell…
She had never felt the blushing heat get to her so severely as it did right then. After being the closest she ever felt to someone, it truly was the last thing she needed.
"That reminds me…" he started as he headed around the prisoned roots, only to return moments later with a massive fish in his mouth, his head tilting due to the weight it carried.
What? Did he…
She wasn't sure what to think as the tiger dropped it in front of her.
"That's for you." He insisted, stretching a quick smile before yawning and padding his way over to the fire.
Yet, for the next minute or so, she just eyed the fish below her. It wasn't just the fact her emotions ran high because she was starving. It was also because of what he did, what this saber did for her. It was the first time she ever felt cared for. He showed her some form of it. First the water and now this.
No one has ever done something this nice for me.
Her tears couldn't be held back as she realized how long she had been without love. Without care. Without understanding.
It took another good minute for her to eat the whole fish, never feeling so full in her life compared to what little the fruit did during her pirating days.
So instantly, her attraction to him grew ten fold. Much to the extent where she couldn't stop herself before padding her way to the fire and plopping down beside him.
We're suppose to be enemies. But I don't want that.
The tiger cast his gaze her way. The fire's contrasting light brought out that beautiful color in his eyes, that of which Shira had to look away from in fear she'd do something regretful.
But just the warmth of the fire seemed to turn her mind in a comfortable direction. She constantly eyed back and forth between the flames and the eyes it lit up. Though he only remained motionless staring at the heating light.
"When are you heading back to your crew?" the tiger spoke up, sounding genuinely curious. To that, her mind raced long and hard to find an answer. But the more she thought, the more she remembered the abuse. The noises. The hurt inside. She could do nothing but clench her paws.
"Shira?"
"I'm not sure." was all she could muffle as her tears grew stronger, her lungs deeply breathing and stuttering out.
At that point, she caught worry on his face. He knew something was wrong. And she knew that he cared.
"Is everything alright?" How he spoke those words, she never heard such a caring tone. It was something completely new to her. It was so comforting.
She just stared into the fire and shook her head. For a bit, neither saber said anything. But eventually, the golden tiger stretched his limbs before getting up.
"Well, I was thinking of taking a walk." He started as she only eyed his way, "Would you… like to come with me?"
Her eyes cast back to the ship, still contemplating what to do regarding that situation.
"I mean… I know it's late and all, but…" he stammered on.
We'll cross paths inevitably. That ship is the only way off this island. But if that's the case… I will have to return to the crew… eventually.
Not wanting to think anymore on the subject, she sighed before lifting herself up to accompany him as they walked off into the forest.
As they walked, they started up conversations. The oddest thing about it all had to be how easy he was to talk to. He always seemed to understand anything and everything she told him. At first, it was all just laughing and joking around, but as the hour went by, the conversations deepened. Much to the point where they brought up their past. When they were still in a pack. As such, she had to stop in her tracks.
"Shira?"
She found it tough to not think about similarities. She found it even tougher to look away from him. She loved it. She loved everything about him. But she hated how she was hiding it all from him. At the same time she hated how easily she fell for him. The pirate inside greatly disapproved.
A pirate. That's all I'll ever be. That's the best I'll ever be.
The tears picked up where they left off. As such, she whimpered in exhaustion. She cried in distraught.
"I can't think about the past, Diego. I'm… I'm sorry."
She would've collapsed to the ground had Diego not rushed to her side, letting her fall into his warmth. His protection.
"Shira? Hey. You have nothing to be sorry about." He insisted as he lowered her to the ground with him. And she only held on tighter.
"I was too stupid to realize how awful it was on that ship."
"You're not stupid." He calmly spoke between her sniffles.
"You don't know what it's like to be beaten down so many times and in so many different ways."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"How could you know? I don't even know who I am anymore."
"You're perfect."
She wasn't sure if it was just the comforting sensations that got those words out of him or if he genuinely meant that. Regardless, it caused her crying to stop and her heart to feel something other than sorrow. And all either saber could do was hold the other in frozen shock. Eyes darting to irrelevance.
Why did he say that?
She could feel the tension in his paws as he held her. Though she made no effort to holding him, he did the opposite. She could almost sense want and need in his gestures. In the eyes he showed her.
Before he could say anything, the skies above crackled and thundered. Droplets turned to pouring in seconds soon after. The tiger sighed in frustration to the weathers inconvenient timing.
"C'mon. We'll get soaked if we stay out here." He said, stretching his limbs before lifting himself up.
The tigress nodded before getting up with him, still leaning against his warmth to which Diego had to oblige to as they made their way down to the beach. Both had to pick up speed as they darted across the sands. She loved the freedom. The wide open space. The oceanic nightly view to the side. The caring saber beside her. She wasn't sure what would become of the next day. But regardless, she knew she'd do anything to be with the golden saber.
The two found cover under the titan sprawled land mass that washed up from the continent. Rain continued to poor into the dead hours of the night as they sat down.
"Thanks for coming with me, Shira." The tiger suddenly spoke, to which she could only smile in response and allow her heart to release itself.
"Diego…" she started as her smile vanished.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for the food."
Saying that, even the tiger seemed like he wasn't sure how to handle it all. His limbs stiffened as she leaned into him, the two watching the rain that poured onto the sands, feeling their lives suddenly change perspective and priority.
I can't be strong without you, Diego.
Her head rubbed and nestled into his neck. She didn't care how he'd react. If he was as big a softy as she thought, then there was nothing to worry about.
"Diego…" she started once again.
"Hmm?"
The sabers eyed each other.
There's so much hurt in his eyes. He knows. He knows what it's like.
"Nothing. I… " she stumbled, having to regain her composure after almost falling victim to these feelings. She still felt the pirate's chains. The burden she was permanently left with.
"I don't want to go back to the ship… but I have to."
Every word in that sentence felt like a spear going through her side. She didn't want it. Her heart didn't want it.
"You don't have to-" the tiger started before she silenced him with her paw.
"Stop. Just stop." She exhaled. Her eyes closed and her head lowered, the late hours finally kicking her for staying out this late. She was exhausted in every way possible. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.
"I'm tired of being told what to do." She exclaimed as she lay down.
"Is there anything you'd like ME to do?" He asked, scooting closer to her.
"No… You've done enough." She sighed, to which she'd never understand how the next words managed to string from her lips.
"More than anyone else ever did."
His relaxed state grew in tension as hers did. Her paws trembled of embarrassment and frustration. Her mind riddled of lost thoughts.
I really am stupid…
There was very little more she was willing to handle, so she did her mentality the favor of standing up and leaving before she'd say anything else.
"Shira?"
The tigress was already scurrying across the sands as he called her. Soon she was back at the small trenched pathway before climbing back up to where she was imprisoned. She felt lost as she gazed at the vessel. The stormy weather caused the ship bells to echo and clang as the lightning struck. Everything about it scared her.
I've tried, but nothing is working.
She tried her best to think clearly, not that the pouring rain helped with any of that. In fact, it caused the cliff edge she stood on to collapse as she slid down. Mud caked in her pelt and roots cut through her skin as she descended to the sands below where the ship rested, plummeting face first.
For a while, she just lay there. She cried. She contemplated. She considered.
I don't think I want to be alive, anymore.
Just the thought caused her crying to intensely multiply. Her paws clenched and beat into the earth. Her cheek touched the sand she rested on, giving up. Giving in.
Bad things keep happening to me. I must not deserve anything. What did I ever do?
So quickly, she felt numb. She felt nothing. Internally. Externally. It was like she was either alive and imagining or dead and remembering.
I don't know…
She couldn't piece anything together. She wanted to believe they fit but all she could do was watch them fall away. Though, her heart still saw a piece that fit.
Before she could feel any worse, she felt her entire body flip over as she looked at the emeralds she was so insanely in love with. She could see how drenched he was. How confused he seemed. How caring he appeared.
He helped her up and took her to an overhanging portion of the cliff edge where the ocean rushed it's waves towards. As they got far enough back, the rain no longer attacked.
"I'm sorry, Diego. I'm sorry" she bawled out as she gripped his shoulder and pressed her head to his chest. Her eyes shut and her teeth showed in agony to which the tiger did all he could to comfort her. But he didn't say anything back. He just listened. He just let her tell him anything she wanted as he cleaned her, splashing the ocean onto her already wet pelt to rid of the pain surrounding her.
"I just… I can't be good enough for anyone."
"You're good enough for me."
"Diego…"
"If anything, I'm not good enough for you."
"Diego, I can't…"
"Give yourself a chance, Shira. Just once."
Her eyes contrasted against his own, her breath met his. Her paws squeezed his own. For the first time, she let herself go. For the first time, she opened all her eyes. And for the first time, she found a way to get lost in something. Something that rid her mind of everything else. She needed him. She begged for him. She wanted to let go of everything.
"I wanted to die. I didn't want to be here anymore. I'm sorry you were dragged into this mess."
"Shira…" his embrace on her only strengthened as he heard that.
"That's just what I am. A mess. I mean, look at me." She sighed with her body displayed before him.
"You look…" he started, swallowing the emotion he held up.
"I look… what?" She tilted her head, dying to hear what she wanted. What she found so hard to believe.
"Beautiful."
As the word was let out, she latched onto him, her loving emotions blinding her of any rational thought as she pressed her lips against his.
In response, he held her tighter. He kept her warm in multiple ways. She laughed out the emotion as he ran his tongue up her neck.
I know what it's like now. I'm allowed to know, after all... I just can't believe it
She couldn't let him stop. Everything he did was so perfect. It only made the way he saw her seem so hard to believe.
He really thinks I'm… perfect.
Her body went so loose as her lips kept drawing to his. She loved the taste. She loved the feeling. She loved the instinctive desires she let control the lust in her. She gave everything to him because he was everything to her.
After what felt like forever, they released their loving strand of affection. She had ended up on top of him as they stared at each other, panting heavily.
As the storm came to an end, and as dusk turned to dawn, the tigress knew she had to return to the vessel she hated so much. She got no sleep that night, yet she had never felt more awake in her life. Everything about this saber gave her the energy to live life. In the past she died inside every time she lied to herself about feeling alive.
Even if the skies came crashing down, even if the world was ending now, I'll still love you more than you will ever know.
a/n: Only two and a half months to write this one. Not bad for my standards. I still don't really know when/if I'll start another big chapter project. I've got ideas, but nothing solidifying yet. I wish I could be consistent with updates if I start another one, but nowadays it takes forever to get ANYTHING done. Quality over quantity I suppose. What I want to do, though is go back and fix up all my old stuff. Specifically the first person oneshots since those are close to impossible for me to read anymore like jfc. I was so cringe back then lol.