A Better Place

by Waywatcher

I can remember a world where I was safe, where war was a notion meant for more violent countries, and where the internet gave me unlimited entertainment and knowledge with a few keystrokes. That world is not this one, and I miss it dearly. At least I have Morgan to keep me alive and sane, and I can provide some use to this world with my knowledge of Awakening. Self-insert.

18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Awakening, all rights to the owners.

Something something Morgan. I'm glad to have a chapter away from Nathan for a while. As much as I've actually come to appreciate his POV and him as a character, I also feel like a bit of distance from him is needed, and Morgan needs time to breathe so to speak.

Also, I'm realizing I've never written Robin normally. I'm so used to Robin being whatever I want him to be (because of The Robin Variable) that I have no idea what to do with a normal Robin. Normal Robin is so… bland. That's part of why I made him an Ylissian patriot, to give him some character trait that I could work with beyond "Morgan's Father".

---

If Laurent and Miriel are tired of my constant questions and fretting, they don't show it. They patiently answer my questions, even when I ask the same one again and again, and never let slip that they think I'm being irrational.

I get that it's science, I get that Naga herself gave the go-ahead for this, but that doesn't mean I'm not worried. I don't understand how Nathan, who is usually a nervous wreck at the smallest of perceived issues, was more-or-less calm about having his entire body deconstructed and rebuilt.

His worries weren't even about the process so much as the fact that he might be in pain or discomfort afterwards. He was worried about aches more than the actual spell!

It takes me a few days to get myself together and stop constantly pestering Miriel and Laurent. Father tries his very best to distract me. Usually he's quite busy, but he puts aside time to play chess, walk around towns and talk about everything he's seen and done so far, and he even lets me help with his work to try and take my mind off things.

It helps a little. Not as much as I want, but a little. I love Father of course, but we don't know how to talk to each other. We're just so different. Father is serious, and I'm light-hearted. Father is calm, and I'm excitable. Father likes work, and I prefer free time. Our senses of humor don't line up very well either.

And it doesn't help that this is all so different from my memories. We don't have a house, I'm no longer young and naive, and he's busy dealing with his own life and (as much as he tries to hide it) doesn't have time for me. Father has his own problems to sort out. He's not ready to be a parent at the moment, and I can't blame him for that.

I find distraction in Nathan's piles of notes. His handwriting is messy, much more so than he uses for letters, though it's not illegible. He also tends to use slang and casual speech in his notes rather than writing formally. I spend time reading everything he has to say about this world ("the world of Awakening" he calls it; named after the game title if I'm remembering correctly). He's not going to be here, so if anyone needs information from him specifically it's going to have to come from these notes, so I'm going to do my best to memorize them.

A lot of the notes are restating things I already know, because I do actually pay attention when Nathan speaks.

I also immediately establish a schedule to ration out the paper games Nathan made for me. There's about fifty of them, so I can do one every eight days or so and they'll last me a year.

Nathan really made a lot of these in a short amount of time.

It's unfair to put all the onus on Father to keep me busy, so I make some tasks for myself as well. I've been putting off some things for a while.

The first thing I address has been a running joke between me and Nathan for a while, but it's also a legitimate concern: my growth. I want to know if I will ever grow again, because I feel like I should. I don't just mean I want to be taller, I mean some part of my subconscious memory makes me feel like I haven't changed when I should have.

So that's why I gather all of Nathan's notes on the subject (he thankfully wrote down everything he knew about growth defects, maybe anticipating I would need this information) and go to Miriel.

The mage is highly intrigued, and quite happy to have another unique project. Nathan's notes on the pituitary gland are extremely basic, but it's enough that Miriel can locate it when dissecting a rat. Miriel isn't sure what she can do about studying hormone levels, but she does have another idea.

"It would be natural to assume that there are certain changes that occur in the brain's structure as one matures." Miriel says. "And it is also natural to assume that there would be some significant changes that occur through puberty. If I can identify these changes in humans, I can check to see if you have fully undergone those changes or not. In addition, if I can create a spell that allows me to look at your brain, I can check for more obvious issues such as tumors."

That works for me. A spell that visualizes things is not all that complicated as it is simply scrying but applied differently, so she should be able to create such a spell from scratch in a matter of weeks. Studying brain development will take a bit longer, but with the help of the imaging spell it shouldn't take overly long to get at least a basic idea of what's going on.

Miriel says this like it's oh-so simple, and I can't help but think that if it were anyone but Miriel this might take several years instead of maybe a few months.

So, anyways, I have other things I want to do too. I want to plan for the future, because I absolutely haven't been doing that.

Think about it. I live either in a tent, or in a barracks. Those are supposed to be temporary. Those aren't homes, even if they're places to rest.

Basically I'm saying "where am I going to live after this whole Grima thing is done with?", because in case you haven't noticed I don't have a house, nor does Father. I don't fancy living in a barracks for the rest of my life, and it would be rude to expect Father to buy a house just for my sake, or to expect him to let me stay (okay, maybe that's slightly less unreasonable), so I have to sort myself out.

Or, you know, make a plan to sort myself out eventually. I guess I don't really need a proper home until Grima's gone because I'll be on the move anyways. I guess that means I need to put money aside.

Yaaay, money-management. It's as boring as it sounds. I don't exactly have time to ask around about prices on houses in town before the Shepherds leave to go get Severa and Yarne, but I'll remember that for later. Thank Naga I get paid now, so I can actually stockpile money instead of just spending it all the time.

Next on my list is… uh… a hobby. A hobby that isn't games. A solo hobby. Because games remind me of Nathan, which is great except when it makes me feel lonely.

I choose magic as my hobby, if you can call it a hobby. By that I mean I start messing around with spell circles and try not to blow myself up in the process. I'll leave it at that, because I think it will take a while before I get to a point that I'm inventing spells. You don't want to hear me talk math all day, because that's mostly what spellcraft is.

My hobby is math, and you damn well better bet it's cool! Eventually I'll invent a spell that will blow up a mountain or turn dirt into diamonds or something! Just you wait!

While I'm sorting my life out, the Shepherds are on their way to Plegia. Specifically, the southwestern part of Plegia. We're finding Severa and Yarne, and oh boy, that means more boat travel.

Boat travel, as it turns out, is really boring when you do it for more than a week at a time, especially when you're avoiding all the ports because you don't want Plegia to know you're there. Just endless ocean water, progressively less tasty food, and a bunch of increasingly antsy Shepherds crammed into a space that no one really wants to be staying in for two and a half months.

Because there are just under thirty of us, sleeping arrangements are… cramped. Four people to a room sort of cramped. Naturally, that means me, Noire, Kjelle, and Nah share a room, but it's still not the best.

Surprisingly, Kjelle isn't the problem point. She keeps her cool rather well. It's mostly Nah who has issues.

"Stop being so loud!" Nah snaps at Kjelle during our tenth day at sea. "How am I supposed to sleep with you making so much noise?"

Kjelle is unimpressed. "I am polishing my lance, this is just about the quietest thing I can do. Also, it is two in the afternoon, why are you sleeping?"

"What else am I supposed to do?" Nah growls. "Clean my dragonstone for the seventh time? Help Miriel torture rats? Lose to Morgan at one of Nathan's games for the fiftieth time?"

"She's not torturing rats." I say. "She's doing science."

"Same thing." Nah grumbles. "Miriel's "science" is built on rat torture. She spent the last month transforming rats into different rats, and most of them died."

Yeah, admittedly the tests Miriel ran to perfect the spell for Nathan were rather… uh… gruesome in their results sometimes. There's a reason she wasn't using human test subjects.

"It's only rat brains." I say. "They're interesting."

"The you go torture rats." Nah grumbles. "And leave me in peace."

"You can literally hear people walking on deck right now." Kjelle says flatly. "It's not going to be that much quieter if we leave."

"But it will be quieter." Nah says.

"I realize you're in a foul mood, but this is our room as well." Kjelle says. "So, frankly, deal with it. You're a Shepherd. A soldier. You've dealt with worse before."

"That doesn't make this any better." Nah growls. "I still hate it."

I understand. I really do. I'm frustrated and bored myself. I don't have much to distract myself. No one wants to play games with me, I don't have that many people I can really talk to, and of course no one is going to do a bit with me or cuddle.

Granted I think it would be weird if someone was willing to cuddle. Except maybe Nowi. I could see Nowi going for it.

The last three months gave me a taste of what it was like to not have constant companionship, but the boat makes that all the more apparent because there's little to do and nowhere to go, while in camp there was usually a chore you could do, or you could go for a walk or go to a town or tend the campfire. There was just so much more to distract me.

In hindsight, this was the worst possible mission I could have gone on right after losing Nathan. A mission that makes it very clear just how lonely I'm going to be, even while surrounded by other people.

"So do I." Kjelle says with a surprising touch of sympathy to her voice. "But we have to put up with it."

Nah's fists clench on the sheets, and then she sighs and lies against her pillow. "Is there some sort of spell to block out the noise…?"

"M-Maybe." Noire murmurs. "I could ask Mother."

"Nevermind." Nah grumbles. It's not surprising she doesn't want to deal with Tharja, even if it might solve her problem. Almost no one wants to deal with Tharja. I haven't been able to get much of a read on Tharja either. I can't tell if she's a jerk or if it's a very carefully cultivated facade, because both are plausible.

Oh, right. Nathan mentioned that in the game Tharja was obsessed with my father, and as far as I can tell that's just not true here. It's one of those inconsistencies between game and reality like Emmeryn's survival.

The bright side of this trip is that Miriel has plenty of time to run her tests on the rats she's brought along (and keeps very carefully contained, of course). Once I get over the yuck factor of cutting open a rat, it's actually rather interesting to figure out what everything does with the help of a few weak electrical pulses.

Miriel is a bit more observant than me of course, and she notices some things of interest in young and older rat brains. She notices something which she identifies as something called "grey matter" described in Nathan's notes. It doesn't look very grey to me, it looks brown, but whatever. Miriel is the scientist.

Miriel also quickly develops the imaging spell, and within twelve days of us leaving shore she's ready to use it on a human being. She tests it on herself first, and when she has Maribelle verify that there were no negative effects, she is ready to use it on others.

In order to identify if there's anything weird with me, she needs to get a look at some people who we're fairly sure don't have issues. That's not particularly difficult. She images the few people around my presumed age like Lissa and Donnel, uses Ricken for the image of someone who hasn't hit puberty yet (a woman would be more useful just for consistency's sake, but we don't have that aside from Nah, who is a manakete and therefore can't be relied upon for human brain anatomy), and then takes liberal looks at a number of adult Shepherds like Maribelle, herself, Sully, Noire, Chrom, and Father.

I'm last simply for making any differences all the more apparent.

"There is no guarantee this will show anything relevant." Miriel warns. "While there are some minor patterns I have noticed in the aging process, they are just that: minor. The changes are also much less drastic through puberty than through the stages of infancy. We may have to attempt something else."

"Okay."

The spell only takes a few seconds, but the meticulous drawing of the images takes a while. The spell doesn't show one image, it shows multiple. It shows my brain as a whole (which is mildly creepy to have floating in front of me), a vertical cross-section, a horizontal cross-section, and a close look at the pituitary gland (because that's what's potentially important).

The drawing takes about half an hour because Miriel wants to get everything as close to accurate as possible. She's drawing on "chart" paper (something of her own invention apparently, it has a lot of vertical and horizontal lines to create a tight grid) and the spell itself also has these grid lines behind the pictures allowing her to check the accuracy of her drawings.

Even after Miriel drops the spell, she and Laurent spend a long time comparing my pictures against everyone else's. There's a lot of conversation of "is this within the normal range of variation?" and a bit of muttering on Miriel's part about how they need more subjects of more age ranges to have a more complete idea of everything.

I'm resigned to the fact that Miriel might not be able to get anything useful out of what information she has available, and of course that's the exact moment that Miriel addresses me.

"I do believe I have the answer to your question!" Miriel says in excitement. Laurent looks remarkably less excited, and is in fact frowning just a bit. Miriel has a number of drawings laid out on her desk, and beckons for me to see. I can see the pictures of the pituitary gland for Lissa, Ricken, Noire, and of course myself. Miriel points to the place where the gland connects to… uh… I'm sure there's a technical term but I don't know it and Nathan didn't write it down. The place where the gland connects to the rest of the brain. That's what Miriel is pointing to. I honestly don't see what's so interesting. "Do you see it?"

"No…?"

"Observe this shape, here." Laurent murmurs.

I squint again, and I think I understand what he means. There's a small little… something extra. "Is that a tumor?"

"Precisely!" Miriel says. "It pinches the connection point and all the blood vessels ever so slightly within the bone cavity in which the gland rests. Now, clearly this is not severe or you would already be suffering from other issues, and you have grown perfectly well up to your current point, however this could be indicative that growth hormones are not fully making their way out of the gland to the rest of your body, or at least at a slower rate than would be expected."

"Huh." I say, staring at the picture. I was half expecting to get the answer of "nope, you're just small, tough luck", so hearing that there is actually something potentially wrong is… interesting.

"This is fascinating!" Miriel continues eagerly. "Just imagine the potential medical applications of this spell, and of our newfound knowledge of the brain! Perhaps we can identify some root cause of dwarfism, or aid with various mental issues! Just think of what we can do once we have a way to look at hormone levels and the strength of electric signals!"

I'm glad she's enjoying herself, but… "So what can we do? Is there a way to fix me?"

"If indeed you wish us to remove it," Laurent says gently, "then yes, removing the tumor should not be an issue. My mother is no stranger to precision spells, and there is precedent for such delicate internal work involving the manifestation of extremely small wind blades within a person's body."

It's hard to contain my excitement. I never thought I would be happy there was something wrong with me, but it proves I'm not crazy! My feeling that something was wrong proved true! Not that it doesn't make me a bit nervous that there is something weird with my body, but at least at the moment I'm relieved to know I was right.

And to think that without Nathan's basic knowledge of growth defects and this specific part of the brain, we would have never discovered this (potential) issue.

"I knew I wasn't crazy." I whisper with a smile on my face. I can imagine it now. Nathan wakes up in a year, and I'm different. I'm cooler, hotter, and maybe even taller than him! Ooh, that would be fun. Role-reversal! Maybe I can piggyback him around! I'll have to thank him for actually writing down this knowledge even though he clearly thought I was done growing. He may not have believed me, but he gave me the tools to check anyways.

Also, I'm not surprised that Miriel can make a spell to do brain surgery if she needs to. She literally recreated a spell that disassembles someone's body and reconstructs it in a different form. Removing a tumor is going to be child's play for her.

This is why I want to learn more about magic, by the way. Look at all the awesome stuff Miriel can do with it! Looking at brains, changing bodies, (probably) removing tumors, and all the other things she's already done that I haven't asked about yet! I know Miriel already has an assistant in Laurent, but maybe I should see if she's willing to teach me a thing or two.

"In addition, your brain also shows higher concentrations of this oddly-coloured tissue that shows itself more prevalently in youth." Miriel adds as an afterthought, pointing to certain parts of my brain that were oddly brown-tinted. "If there was doubt about you not being fully developed."

So ends the exciting saga of dissecting rat brains and using magic to look at human brains, and it's back to boring boat stuff.

###

We aim for Severa first, despite her location being further away than Yarne's. The council decided this was safer, as information will travel faster over the mainland than from the island that Severa's chapter takes place on, so we'll rescue Yarne second because his location is on the mainland. It's a safety thing apparently, though it sounds ridiculous to me.

We also have to wear disguises, which is stupid.

"But I already look Plegian!" I complain. "My coat literally has Grima eyes on it!"

"It's too recognizable." Father explains. "You might be mistaken for myself."

"I'm a girl! No one's going to mistake me for you!"

"Well…"

"What? Are you saying I look like a boy?" I ask and cross my arms.

"Not to me, but perhaps to others." Father placates me. I recognize the diplomatic phrasing for what it is though.

"It's because I'm flat, isn't it?" I huff. "I'm too androgynous?"

Father blinks in shock for a second, and his hands freeze in place above the map he's looking over. "I-I never said that."

"What is it then? Clearly you have a reason to think I might be mistaken for a boy." I say, frowning at him.

Father tries to nudge us away from the topic of my appearance. "The disguise has plenty of pockets Morgan, I made sure both of ours had that, you can fit all your things in there just fine. Is it really such an issue?"

"It's not." I say, still frowning. "But that doesn't mean I like it, and I still want to know why you think I look like a boy."

I'm aware I'm being a bit petulant, but my own father just said I don't look like a girl! I was already aware of that, Nathan told me once upon a time that he wasn't sure if I was male or female upon seeing me until I explicitly called myself a girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not annoyed at Father for pointing it out and then trying to dodge around the question. If you're going to point it out, stick with it! Don't instantly backtrack when I so much as frown! Also, he knew I might get annoyed and yet he pointed it out anyways!

I'm not mad, just annoyed. Also I've been cooped up on this boat for two months and I'm a bit irritable.

"Like I said," Father says after a hesitant moment. "I don't think you look like a boy…"

"You're dodging the question Father."

He looks lost as to how to respond. "I… the coat is not very flattering, even if it is a very nice coat."

Yeah, he thinks I'm flat. This is a lot less funny than whan Nathan teased me about it. "There, was that so hard?"

Father stares at me in mute surprise. I sigh tiredly and drop my arms from their folded position. I know I'm being petty. It's so easy to be petty. I should stop.

"So disguises, yes, sure. Pockets are great." I say. "I presume you have an overland route planned?"

"Yes!" Father all but jumps at the chance to change the subject. "We're going to spread out in small groups to maximize the area we cover as we sweep the island. The point on the map Nathan specified is already not the smallest area to cover, and seeing as Noire was rescued in a location quite far from where her prologue would be-"

"Paralogue." I interrupt.

"Pardon?"

"It's called a paralogue, not a prologue."

"Er, well, Noire was recovered quite far from her paralogue, and so we can't guarantee that Severa will be anywhere near the location of her own paralogue."

"Of course." I say, studying the route. Father has little figurines for everyone. They're very simple wood figures, but you can tell who is why by some little modification. Chrom is the one with a cape, Sully has red armor and a horse, Father has a black coat and white hair, and I'm the one with the same coat and black hair. "Father."

"I think I see a problem."

"What's that?"

"It might be a good idea to have one of the future kids in each group, if possible." I say. Right now, all of us are clustered into a group of our own (which is larger than the other groups I might add. Most groups are of three, not five). "There's no guarantee Severa will recognize Shepherds aside from her parents, but she'll definitely recognize the future kids. Well, not me, but the others for sure."

"I see." Father frowns. He takes a moment to reorganize, but comes up with an obvious problem. "There aren't enough future kids to go around."

"Well." I pluck Cordelia out of her group with Vaike and Nah, and switch her with Sumia who has no future kids in her group. "Cordelia can work for this group, and…" I don't want to reveal the father, so I make a few irrelevant changes as well as putting Frederick into a group without a kid because Frederick is the rather. I then point to Frederick's group, but not him specifically. "That group is fine too, but these three groups don't have anyone."

Father gives me a critical look. "You know who everyone's parents are."

"Well yeah." I say. "I was around when Nathan was figuring it all out."

"I see." Father says. "And you support Nathan's decision to not tell anyone?"

"Well, it would be rude of me to undermine him while he isn't here to defend his decision." I say. "And all the other kids were onboard with that decision, even if they don't necessarily like it, so there's no reason for me to go against it."

Truth be told, I'm not picky one way or another about the decision not to tell the Shepherds about which kids they have. I can see the logic in saying something, and I understand the logic in not. I probably would have revealed everything, but I'm not so against Nathan's decision that I'm going to go against it, and Kjelle, Nah, and Noire all seemed to agree that they don't want to risk messing up their parents lives by saying too much, so hey, I'll go along with it.

It is a bit odd that Nathan made the decision though. One of the few times he takes charge, and it's about something that arguably isn't his to decide. Then again, maybe his more detached look at things was necessary because it's not his parents he's talking about.

"Do you know who your mother is?" Father asks.

"Yes." I say. "I'm not telling you who."

Father frowns. "Perhaps Nathan has been a bad influence on you after all."

I roll my eyes. "Just because you don't like the decision doesn't mean he's a bad influence."

Father flexes his fingers and narrows his eyes. I once thought this meant irritation, but over the course of observing him I know it actually means he's thinking on how to phrase something. "Morgan, I speak for most of the Shepherds who have suddenly become parents, even Nowi, in that none of us feel like we know what we're doing, and it would be useful to have the help of the other parent to… provide for and support all of you."

"Father, in case you haven't noticed, us future "kids" are technically adults. You all don't need to "provide for" us, and while support would be nice it's not nearly as drastic as you seem to think it is. We've handled ourselves just fine for quite a while. Maybe I'm interested in learning more tactics, and maybe I don't have my life quite figured out, but I will live my life with or without you. I'd like you to be a part of it of course, but I'm past the point that I need you to provide for me." I say. "If you tried to say that to Kjelle, she'd probably curse you out of the room for insinuating she can't handle herself. Nah would probably scoff and say she's the one taking care of Nowi. You're all overthinking this. We are adults. We're not asking you to coddle us, we just want you around."

"I see." Father says. He still doesn't look comfortable, but he does seem a bit more calm… or is that resignation? "Can you at least tell me if I'm on the right track…?"

"The point of not telling you who my mother is is to not influence your behaviour. It's to protect you from that exact line of thinking." I say. "I'm not revealing anything."

"But I don't want to choose the wrong person." Father says in frustration.

"You're not obliged to abandon what you want for my sake. There is no "wrong" person."

Father doesn't seem to like that answer. "But you are my daughter."

"I appreciate your concern, but seriously Father, I'm your daughter, not a tyrant." I huff. "I don't dictate your life."

I do appreciate the fact that he cares so much. He hasn't known me for very long, but I am important enough to him that he'd legitimately consider throwing away whatever else he may have wanted just for my sake. That, however, is a completely idiotic thought process.

"We're getting distracted." I say, giving Father an easy out to this topic. "We need people for those three last groups."

"Yes, of course." Father sighs. "Do you have an idea as to who might be particularly recognizable among the Shepherds?"

"Well…" I frown. There was someone special in Nathan's notes for recruitment, wasn't there? "Oh, Chrom! In the game, he can recruit the future kids too, along with their respective main parent."

"Main parent?"

"There's this whole parenthood mechanic." I say. "I'll explain it later. Point is, we can put Chrom in one of those groups. I think I should be able to go in one too. I have Nathan's notes, and that includes all the information he has on support conversations and extra details. I guess it would be a bit intrusive, but if I can memorize that information I should be able to show that I know who Severa is and have her believe me."

"So one more?" Father frowns. "There's no other obvious choice, is there?"

"Not really." I agree. "I guess I could share Nathan's note with you or something, but I don't think Severa would want her secrets spread around."

"Well… if Cordelia is her mother, would it make sense that Severa is familiar with Sumia to some extent?" Father suggests.

"Maybe?" I say. "I mean, worst case scenario Severa doesn't believe Sumia, and Sumia comes and finds one of the other groups. If Severa is on foot, it's not like she'll get far before Sumia brings someone back."

"True." Father agrees. "So Sumia then?"

"Sumia." I affirm.

We spend a few minutes reorganizing the groups before we decide on something that works. Each group needs to be capable, so that's the main balancing act. We fine-tune the groups until Chrom arrives, needing to talk with Father about something.

###

"I'm pretty sure it was "you don't piss into the wind"." Kjelle tries to correct.

"I thought it was skip." Noire mumbles.

"Fairly sure it was spit." I say, frowning. I heard it so many times, more than the others did, so you'd think I'd know.

It's almost embarrassing that I can't remember the lyrics to this song. Nathan sang this one so often I could sing it along with him. There were only a few he'd consistently sing; he tended to cycle though the others so I'd only hear an individual song every month or so, but this one was sung almost daily.

"Why are we even singing one of his stupid songs?" Nah complains.

"I'm singing one of his songs because I happen to enjoy it." I huff.

"Alright everyone!" Chrom calls out. I slip off the crate I was sitting on and try to look properly at attention, like I don't already know what's going to be said. "We're going to go over the plan one last time and announce your groups!"

I listen to Chrom explain that plan that Father thought up and I helped with. I'm with Kellam and Anna. Dad wanted me with him, but I pointed out that we don't need two mages to a squad and he reluctantly agreed. The sole group of four (because we have twenty-eight people and three doesn't divide into twenty eight evenly) ends up being Donnel and Ricken's group, probably with the logic that they're young so they should have an additional person for safety.

Ricken is not amused. Nowi is overjoyed to have him in her group though, and she guilts him with "You don't want to be in a group with me?" to get him to stop complaining.

Devious… or maybe Nowi was seriously worried. It's hard to tell with her.

Maribelle gives Robin a stink-eye when she hears that she is going to be the one trying to keep Ricken, Donnel, and Nowi in line, but really there was no other choice. We wanted a healer in the group and Lissa would probably join in the goofing off rather than stop it, Libra isn't very stern, and Anna isn't exactly what you'd call responsible, so really Maribelle was the only choice.

With our routes planned and as much food and drink as we can support in our backpacks, the Shepherds split and begin searching.

We're all in disguises, and we have orders to pretend to be mercenaries and only purchase supplies if we absolutely have to. Each group has enough supplies for about a week, which should be more than enough to sweep their area and return. If we don't find Severa by then, we'll move to a different part of the island by boat and repeat the process.

I'm anticipating a whole lot of nothing on this trip, but I pray to Naga I'm wrong.

###

I'm not wrong… mostly. Nothing happens due to outside sources, but Anna makes things interesting.

"Come on hun, just a few silver and this could be yours!" Anna says, holding up a nice hat with a pegasus feather sticking out the side. She's one of the few people who isn't disguised simply on the basis that Annas are so universal that attempting to disguise her would be more suspicious than just letting her obviously be an Anna. "Pegasus feathers are rare don't you know! You'll be the most fashionable person in town!"

"I don't got that sort of money, ya greedy imp." The man scoffs. "If you ain't talkin' copper, I ain't buyin'."

"Well that's unfortunate because these are so hard to come by…" Anna says, and pouts her lower lip. She's also flagrantly lying. Pegasus feathers aren't common on the market, but even a regular Ylissian farmer could get their hands on one without too much trouble. Morgan would bet money Anna got that feather by picking it up off the ground after Sumia or Cordelia's pegasus shed it. Anna probably didn't pay a single cent, and now she's trying to gouge for it.

"That doesn't mean I can afford it." The man says, and crosses arms.

"Can't you though?" Anna asks, still with her pouting, innocent look on her face. "You have a such a nice chest- I mean vest, and your boots are clearly of decent quality."

"Well that is true." The man says, and 'casually' smooths back his hair. Anna's manipulation is so painfully obvious, but it's actually working. I'm not sure if I'm surprised, disappointed, or amused.

"And those couldn't have been cheap, right?" Anna asks. "I'm sure those boots cost a pretty silver."

"You're not wrong." The man agrees. "Boots from the finest cobbler on Castaway Island."

Castaway Island, incidentally, is the name of this island. It was also called "the Island of Mutiny" at some point in the past. Doesn't roll off the tongue as well. I can see why they changed it.

"I can see that." Anna flatters. "So naturally I assumed you were someone who could appreciate fine clothing."

"I am!"

"So then you should know I really can't lower the price for this hat, hun." Anna says. "Do you see any pegasi around here?"

"I suppose I don't." The man says. "But four silver is too high! One silver."

"Come on now, I need enough money to take care of myself!" Anna says, and pats her stomach ("coincidentally" drawing attention to her large hips). "I need to eat! And keeping up this look isn't cheap! Surely three gold isn't too high?"

"One and a half." The man says, very obviously dragging his eyes away from her waist. "Food don't cost that much."

"It does when you have a figure to maintain and don't want your hair to be greasy!" Anna replies. "Two, and that's as low as I'll go."

The man mulls over the price, eyeing the pristine pegasus feather sticking out of the hat. He also runs his eyes over Anna again. "Two, huh?"

"Two silver."

"And all it gets me is a hat?"

"And my happiness." Anna offers with a winning smile. "So come on, you know you want it."

"One and seventy?"

"Two hun. No lower."

The man mulls it over, sighs, and digs into his pocket for his wallet. Anna grins, and turns her head to wink at me knowingly. I guess she somehow knew I would be watching.

"Two silver." The man says, almost grudgingly. "For your and your figure."

"Thank you hun!" Anna all but sings. She snatches up the silver and hands him the hat. "A real pleasure doing business with you!"

"I hope so." The man sighs. I can see instant regret on his face as he inspects the hat. It is a nice hat, but I think he realized just how much he paid for something he might not ever use, because let's be honest, the hat is not a working hat, and this man isn't nearly as important as he pretended to be and won't be going to any parties where he'd actually need something slightly ostentatious.

Anna walks away triumphantly with her two silver, and we quickly leave town. Once we're a fair distance away, Anna speaks.

"So what did you think dear?" Anna says to me, still smiling. "Impressed? I knew you were watching closely."

"Impressed is one word for it." I say. "You swindled him pretty hard."

"I didn't swindle anyone!" Anna says, putting a hand to her chest. "It's called haggling and persuasion!"

"Uh-huh, persuasion." I smirk. "And by that you mean seduction, right?"

"Well…" Anna smiles. "Not quite, but you're close."

"You were using flirtation and your body to influence him, that sounds like seduction to me."

Anna waves it off. "Technicalities, but yes, I was doing that. It's quite effective with certain types of men!"

"Yeah, I saw that."

"Did you now? Are you interested?" Anna teases.

"Yes." I say outright. "I am."

"Oh." Anna blinks. I don't think that's the answer she was expecting. "Feeling rebellious already, are we?"

"Rebellious implies Father is in charge of me." I say. "But that's not it. I'm not going to pass up a chance to learn something useful. Just another tool for the toolbox, right?"

Anna smiles, and it looks much more genuine than before. "A girl after my own heart! I'll be happy to teach you, but you should know I don't do anything for free!"

"How much would you be willing to bet I can sell things you can't because I'm just so small and cute?" I ask. "Because let's face it, you're recognizable as an Anna. Me though? I'm just a cute, innocent little girl trying to make some money to support herself."

"So you'll help me sell things?" Anna asks. "You're asking me to put a lot of faith in you here."

"It will only go wrong if you're not a good teacher." I shoot back. "Besides, I can always pay you if I just suck at selling things."

Anna immediately sticks out a hand. "Deal."

"Pleasure doing business." I quip, and shake her hand.

From behind both of us, Kellam sighs deeply and shakes his head.

###

"There are a few approaches." Anna says. "But generally, if you want to minimize the nasty accusations thrown your way, you want to tailor how bold you are to the customer."

"What are the other ways?"

'Well, you could just be absolutely aggressive." Anna says. "Don't take no for an answer, basically throw yourself at them. It can work, but you tend to get in trouble with authorities, and particularly stubborn noblemen tend to take issue with you."

"You speak from experience." I say. It's not a question. I can tell from the small grimace that passed her face that she absolutely has tried doing that before.

"I do." Anna admits. "I had to start somewhere, but I don't recommend it for long-term profits."

"Noted."

"Tailoring your approach, on the other hand, is a bit of an art." Anna says. "You have to do some deduction, and it's intrinsically tied with what you're trying to sell. No amount of winking is going to allow you to sell an iron spade for three and a half gold."

What an oddly specific example. "Did you try to do that too?"

"No." Anna says. "One of my sisters did."

"Wow." I snort.

"It almost worked, believe it or not." Anna says. "But anyhow, you need to tailor your approach. Culture, economic status, probable religion, and anything else you can deduce needs to be taken into account. If you're going to wink at a married man, you want to be fairly sure it will work and you won't have someone yelling at you and driving away other customers."

I nod and write in my notebook. If I'm going to learn something, even "persuasion", I'm going to take it seriously. A skill is a skill, and I'll be damned if I don't learn to use it properly.

"It's more than just being nice." Anna explains. "Though obviously that's a part of it, but you have to be confident and assertive! You won't change anyone's mind if you're shy and simpering."

"No problem there." I say. "You might not have met me before, but I guarantee you confidence isn't an issue."

"Good to hear." Anna says. "Now like I said, persuasion is a bit of an art, so don't take these guidelines as gospel…"

The long and short of it is that young men are easy prey, though you might need a different approach depending on social status.

"Noblemen and aristocrats are a varied bunch." Anna says. "Sometimes you need to play more to their ego, and sometimes you need to play more to their hormones. Sometimes both. The latter tend to be especially easy pickings."

Yeah, I can imagine why. Horny, entitled, and with money to spare? A perfect target.

"You have to be cautious with Ylissians. If they're sufficiently religious, they're likely to react negatively to obvious persuasion." Anna warns. "The whole "pure, chaste, and supportive" expectation tends to get in the way."

Anna has a whole bunch of other little notes that I scribble down. We'll see how applicable these actually are. I'll probably make my own notes and modifications over time. I'm more curious about specific actions than patterns and general notes to be honest. I could have figured out the general stuff myself.

I'm not so foolish as to think my playing around with Nathan means I know anything about persuasion either. Persuasion is manipulation, which is very different from what I was doing with Nathan.

So as much as I nod and listen and write things down, I'm actually waiting for Anna to show her skills in action once again, because that's when I'll learn the most.

I don't have to wait too long. Whenever we come across a town Anna tries to make a sale, and that's my chance to figure things out. It's all the little things I'm looking for. When does she wink? How does she hold herself? When does she feign being flattered, annoyed, or happy? She tends to move her hands a lot, so why is that? Are those a part of her act?

I take note of all of these, and within a few sales my notes on her actions have surpassed the length of her actual attempted lecture.

Anna seems to know this, because it's within the second day that she wants me to try and make a sale. "You've been scribbling every little thing down, so you've clearly figured out some things to try." She says. "So man the stall for an hour, alright? There are a few products here you can try and mark up. Ylissian goldroot spice, some more pegasus feathers, and a few nice ceramic plates from Ferox, among other more mundane things. Try to sell one of the markup items for above two while me and Kellam ask around town for Severa, alright?"

"Okay!" I chirp. "But you won't be around to see if I do well or not."

"If you've made a decent profit and haven't been run out of the square, then I'm going to presume you did well in some capacity." Anna chuckles. "Besides, you're a smart kid. I think you can do a fine self-assessment."

"Not worried about me snagging some of the profits for myself?"

Anna rolls her eyes. "The fact that you even pointed that out suggests you won't, and remember, if I don't get enough profit when you're manning the stall, you promised to pay me. Either way, I'm getting my money."

"Point." I say. Huh, that's something I must have picked up from Nathan. I know I wouldn't have said "point" in response to a good point a few months ago.

And so begins my first attempt at… shopkeeping? Not exactly how I expected I would learn to manipulate people, but if it works then I won't complain.

Despite my incredible intelligence and amazingly adorable face my first attempt at a sale, while successful, is also quite clumsy.

"I've got exotic goods!" I shout, imitating what I've seen Anna do before. "Pegasus feathers and spice!"

Anna spent only minimal time on teaching me how to actually run a stall, so the whole "attracting customers" thing isn't my specialty. Still, with enough shouting I do eventually get someone's attention.

The person in question is a man that looks to be in his thirties with no ring on his fingers ("Always check for a ring!" Anna had told me) simple but well-kept clothes, and a calm demeanor. His hands don't look calloused, so I don't think he's a labourer. Not the easiest target, but not impossible. "Hello Miss. You said you had spices, yes?"

"You betcha hun! Ylissian goldroot spice!" I say cheerfully, holding up the pouch containing it. "Straight from the south of Ylisse! It doesn't have the strongest taste at first, but the aftertaste is something else!"

"I'll take your word for it." He says with a small nod. "What's your price?"

"Five silver!"

"Please, Miss, don't joke with me."

"Who says I'm joking?" I chirp. "This is premium stuff hun! You wouldn't have me give away something so valuable for mere copper, would you?"

"But five silver is surely far too much!"

"Then what do you think is a good price?" I ask. I lean on the stall and smirk. "Since you're so smart?"

"One silver."

"A single silver?" I gasp, and put a hand on my chest. "For all the effort I spent to get this here?"

"It cannot have been that expensive."

"Do you know how much the boat trip to get to this island cost?" I ask. "It's not cheap! And I had to travel all the way across Plegia to get here. I need more than a mere one silver to recoup my investment! With one silver I won't even be able to feed myself!" Taking a leaf out of Anna's book, I bring a hand down to my stomach, naturally dragging his eyes down with the motion. It's a lot less effective for me, because I have a bulky generic cloak on and I don't have Anna's large hips.

Hmm… what am I supposed to draw attention to then? What do I have that I can show off? If I think I'm really cute, maybe I should be drawing attention to my face, or maybe a focus on full-body action to emphasize my short height? I'm gonna have to do some testing.

I know Anna said this was an art, but even so there has to be some consistent techniques I can use. Art isn't "do whatever and hope it works". There are still techniques and principles to apply.

"One silver is enough for a month worth of food." The man says with a frown.

"And I still need to travel back home!" I say. "That's costly! I have to make this worth my while!"

"That sounds like a problem for you, not me." He says.

Rude. I mean, he's totally right, but that's still rude. "With an attitude like that, you'll never get any Ylissian goods. This stuff comes from a long way away, so it's going to cost more. That's just business hun."

"But five silver for a pouch of spice?"

"Hun, you're a cutie, but if you're going to haggle do it properly rather than just repeating the price over and over." I say bluntly. "If you're only going to complain at me, go somewhere else."

That gets a scowl out of him. "Not much of a businesswoman, are you?"

"Oh I am, and that's why I'm insisting you not rip me off." I say, tilting my head up. "I'm not taking a price that literally isn't worth my time."

I'm not actually being too unreasonable when I say that. Getting here was extremely time consuming, and who knows how much money Anna missed out on making by being on the boat for two months. Selling this for a mere silver would be a rip-off. A farmer could have probably made a silver and a bit in this amount of time, but he makes his own food and whatnot and a merchant doesn't. Combine that with the fact that Ylissian goldroot spice isn't the cheapest thing (not expensive, but not a pittance) and there's no way she could even try to justify selling this for less than two silver.

If you want foreign stuff, you gotta be willing to pay. That's just how it is.

"Fine." The man says. "One and a half."

"Hun…" I sigh in exaggerated disappointment. It feels weird calling this guy "hun", but that's what Anna did.

"Two."

"Better. How about four seventy?"

"Two and ten."

Oh please. Ten more copper? That's not enough. "And you were doing so well." I tut. "Four fifty."

"Two fifty."

"Hmm…" I say. "Multiple months of travel here, multiple going back, and a mere two fifty for a decently expensive item back home? I'll be honest hun, I'm looking at four as just about the lowest I'll go."

The man glowers a bit. "Well I'm not paying four. Three fifty, and I'm being generous here."

That's more like it. "Well I did say four was about the lowest I'd go, and three fifty is a full half silver under that mark." I muse, letting him stir in irritation for a moment. "Three seventy-five?"

"Not doing."

"Three seventy." I say. "Final offer. I'm not going lower."

"That's still too high!" He complains. I stare at him impassively, unfazed by his borderline anger.

"I said final offer hun. Take it or leave it. I'm sure I can find someone else willing to pay four, maybe five, for good Ylissian spice." I say. And frankly, his attitude doesn't make me inclined to be more flexible. I probably would have settled for somewhere in the low threes, but this guy is annoying me.

"Three fifty five?" He asks, now almost pleadingly.

"Nope."

"Sixty?"

"No chance. Three seventy or nothing."

He agonizes over the price for a moment, and I rub it in by toying with the spice bag right in front of him while looking him dead in the eye.

"Fine." He says after a moment, and all but slams down three silver and seventy copper. "Give me the damn spice."

I toss it to him, and he scrambles to make sure it doesn't fall. I really don't care that he glares murder at me while leaving. Good riddance.

Approximately twenty seconds after that exchange, as I'm going through it in my head, I let out a quiet groan. "I didn't use persuasion at all…"

More accurately, my only attempt to do so failed. I never thought I'd be unhappy that someone cared more about my logic and bargaining skills than my appearance.

My other sales have similar results, where I have to fall back to logic and bargaining. I make good money, but fail at what I was trying to achieve.

###

I spend the next several days refining my "persuasion" skills to moderate effect. Few of Anna's techniques work for me, so I have to figure out my own and they work alright, but there's definitely a need for refinement.

I still keep careful notes on Anna's techniques, just in case they'll be useful in the future when I hopefully start to grow and my current techniques no longer work.

"Now don't say anything to your father, alright?" Anna says with a smile and a wink. "I don't want him giving me extra stable duty for corrupting his daughter."

"My lips are sealed." I say.

All the Shepherds return to the boat slowly over the course of the day. My group is one of the first. I suspect Father gave me a particularly easy route to travel. Noire's group is next, followed by Nah's, Kjelle's, and Laurent's.

Then comes all the other Shepherds, including a very annoyed Maribelle. No one has Severa with them… until Sumia's group comes back, because of course the person we were most unsure would be capable of convincing Severa was the person to find Severa. But she must have succeeded because Severa is here.

And oh Naga, she's a bitch. I thought Kjelle was annoying, but Severa does nothing but whine and throw accusations at her mother for things Cordelia has not done. She's even rude to her friends, huffing off their happiness and concern as if obviously they shouldn't have been concerned, and they're so rude for implying she can't take care of herself, and-

You get the point. Maybe this is just first impressions, but yikes, I don't want to be anywhere near her. Problem child alert.

###

"Too much energy input results in an imprecise cut." Miriel narrates out loud, and Laurent scribbles it down. "And too little results in insufficient cutting force."

The current test involves using concentrated wind magic to act as a scalpel, which Miriel is carefully manifesting inside a small wooden box.

I wasn't aware you could manifest combat-based spells on the other side of an object from yourself, so this is very informative for me. I'm taking my own notes as Miriel works, mostly in deciphering the spell circles she uses. The "code" within (as Nathan would put it) is quite interesting.

Miriel opens up the wooden box, removes the ruined wooden… thing within, and replaces it with another before closing the box.

The wooden object in the box is an odd cluster of rounded bulbs, kind of like a cluster of berries, and the objective of each experiment is to precisely remove one bulb without damaging the others. To do this, Miriel needs a precision spell, but she also needs to sustain a scrying spell that lets her see inside the box at the same time.

Morgan was also unaware that you could sustain two spells at the same time, so that's news to her. Miriel did warn that it isn't exactly easy though, and the spells have to be low-power. You can't get away with casting bolganone and thoron at the same time.

"Being able to cast two spells at the same time whatsoever is already quite impressive." Laurent had murmured. "Please though, do not be attempting such a thing without guidance. It can be quite dangerous."

I guess I'll leave the precision surgery to Miriel and the healers then. I'm not good with wind anyways, and I don't even know the basics of scrying. Besides, I probably shouldn't operate on myself.

"I think, perhaps, this is an issue of insufficient focus." Miriel says after a moment of consideration. She opens the box and takes out the wooden object and places it on the table. "There is little reason I should not be able to restrict the cutting point of a blade with greater energy. Allow me to see if this is feasible without scrying."

Miriel takes a moment to concentrate and begins casting the scalpel spell again. A thin blade of wind, the cutting edge thinner than a pencil tip and the whole spell as small as a quarter of an ant (and yes, I'm talking about the insect), appears near the wooden object. It's barely visible, but with immaculate control, Miriel carefully cuts into one of the bulbs on the wooden object and it drops onto the table without an audible sound. Miriel then stops the spell and investigates with a magnifying glass.

"Cut is smooth, within acceptable parameters." Miriel murmurs.

"Then dual casting is the issue?" Laurent clarifies. "You cannot control the wind spell to an acceptable degree while also scrying?"

"Precisely." Miriel says. "Laurent, I shall require your assistance. You shall scry for me while I attempt the spell."

"Understood." The two of them go about setting up another attempt, taking yet another wooden object and putting it in the box.

"The image your scrying shows must be to scale." Miriel reminds him. "Or I shall not be able to create a blade of the appropriate size."

It takes a few attempts before they can get the scrying spell to an acceptable degree of accuracy, and a few more before Miriel can properly control the intensity of the wind blade on the inside of the box, but they do succeed, and once they have done it once they are quite consistent in executing the procedure multiple time.

I still can't help but be a bit nervous. The thought that Miriel will be carefully controlling a blade of wind inside my skull is disconcerting to say the least. At least I don't have to worry about the tools being clean, because it's magic.

It's beyond her how Nathan could consider this sort of stuff normal. I don't care that there are dedicated brain surgeons in his world, and not that I don't trust it's true, but the concept is still freaky to me.

Another major part of doing this sort of surgery is the healing magic. Even if the cut is small and shouldn't be hitting anything even mildly important, you don't want an open wound in your brain, so healing magic is required to make quick work of the cut.

I do have a question about that though, and when Maribelle is discussing details with Miriel, Laurent, and myself, I pipe in with a question. "How do we know the healing spell won't just heal the tumor back? Like it or not, that tumor is a part of me."

"Healing spells are odd things." Maribelle says. "They cannot magically recreate body parts to any major extent. Perhaps they could replace a lost fingertip, but anything more than that they will merely heal as the body would, which is to say if you lost a full arm the spell would heal to give you a stub at your shoulder."

"How does that-?"

"Do not interrupt." Maribelle huffs. "As such, unless your body considers that tumor to be normal, as in it will attempt to regrow it, there is no reason the spell should bring it back. From what we are aware, a tumor is a fluke in cell growth, and while a heal spell will not eliminate such a thing from your body as it is not an injury, the spell should also not regrow it unless there is some deeper defect in your… genetic code, I believe the term is?"

"Yeah, that's the term." I affirm. That's reassuring to hear, I think. At least if there is some greater problem with my genetic code, the tumor was relatively benign to begin with and bringing it back won't change anything.

"If the details have been sorted." Miriel says. "I do not see any reason we cannot attempt the operation as soon as we make landfall to find Yarne, when we have a stable surface to work on."

Ah ha. Ha. Okay, this is happening much sooner than I expected. I'm not about to refuse, but I thought I thought we'd be waiting until we got back home. No time like the present I guess?

"Should we not be waiting until we return home, Mother?" Laurent asks.

"We could." Miriel says. "However, we do not require a specialized environment, so this operation is entirely feasible to do on any stable land. The operation could be done right now, seeing as we have not had issues in practice, but waiting for landfall is smart simply for an added layer of safety. I suppose the decision is truely up to Morgan, however, and not us."

Naturally, all eyes turn to me. I debate for a moment if it would be irresponsible to do the operation when we make landfall, and it might be just a bit, but by all means there should be few if any side-effects, and healing magic will make sure I am fit to work within a minute of the operation being finished.

Maybe it's still a bit irresponsible, but honestly I just want this over with by this point. Best to get this done now then stress about it the whole way back on the boat. "We can do it when we make landfall. Let's get it over with."

The others nod in understanding.

###

It only occurs to me as I sit down on the crate with Laurent preparing the scrying spell how lucky I am. I get this for free on the basis of being a test case. Admittedly the resources for this operation are not expensive, there is no need for mana generators or gems, but it does require one mage who is highly skilled with wind magic (Miriel is skilled with all anima magic, so she covers that) another mage who can scry with the image being accurate in terms of proportions, and practiced coordination between those two mages to pull this off, not to mention a healer on hand.

Not to mention the knowledge of a civilization well ahead of ours in technology such that we can know that removing parts of your brain is actually possible to do with a degree of safety. This wouldn't have happened without Miriel and Nathan specifically, so yeah, I'm incredibly lucky.

That will be something to tell Nathan. "Oh hey, so, using your notes we casually figured out brain surgery. No big deal."

I mean, it's not actually that simply. Miriel is going to have to have pinpoint accuracy to avoid nicking a vein or artery or the bone around my pituitary gland, or simply to avoid cutting too deep. Laurent needs to sustain two scrying displays at the same time, one outside view and one cross-section of the stalk of my gland to figure out where the tumor ends and the veins and pathways of the gland starts, and both scrying displays have to be perfectly to scale… so yeah. I say "casually", but this is only as casual as it is because both Miriel and Laurent are scarily competent mages, Miriel is a genius, and we're only removing excess tissue rather than trying to reconnect nerves or something even more insanely precise.

"The scrying spells are complete." Laurent says quietly, staring at the displays in front of him. He and Miriel did a few more rounds of testing with the wood boxes for practice before this because the first few spells of the day that need to be this precise tend to be slightly off, so they wanted to get everything down consistently before doing the actual operation.

"It's fine." I remind myself, consciously staying as still as possible. Not that I could move if I wanted to. I was actually inflicted with a paralysis spell before this started to make sure I wouldn't move an inch and mess things up. "Miriel literally recreated a spell that can rearrange the cells of someone's body. A precision cut is nothing."

Even so, I close my eyes (one of the few parts of my body I do have control of). I don't want to know what's happening. I'm just going to close my eyes and try not to listen to what's happening.

I blot out whatever Miriel and Maribelle are saying, I've already given the go-ahead. The only sign I have that anything is happening is a slight feeling of pressure inside my head, then five seconds later a bit of light-headedness strikes me (which I presume is Miriel initiating a short-range teleport to take the cut-off tumor out of my head), and then four seconds after that I feel the cool sensation of healing magic wash over me.

"It is done." Laurent reports. I open my eyes, and perhaps sensing that I want to see, Laurent turns the display to show me. "The healing magic acted as expected. The tumor was not recreated. If you feel any additional headaches, light-headedness, or other side-effects, please inform us."

Miriel, in the meantime, deactivates the paralysis spell to allow me to move again. I stand up shakily. Not because of the operation itself, but because of how intensely nervous and tense I was, and releasing that tension lets me feel just how much holding in that stress actually tired me out.

I'm not sure if I was expecting to feel anything different, but I don't. I feel exactly the same. I mean, I guess that's for good reason considering the tumor was mostly benign to begin with and the brain doesn't have many "feeling" nerves in it, but still… you think you'd be able to feel a part of you being cut off.

Thankfully, nothing major happens on the first day, so I have plenty of time to recover from my stress. We search for information on the Stonewall Knights and Riders of Dawn, which are the main players in Yarne's paralogue. We're more interested in the Stonewall Knights since Yarne (according to Nathan's notes) is a part of that group.

"Of course he'd join a group like that." Severa scoffs under her breath upon learning this in the briefing. "A bunch of big men with shields. Perfect for him to hide behind."

We all put on our disguises and split up to reach villages to search for information, and I quickly discover that everyone and their mother has something to say about the Stonewall Knights and the Riders of Dawn, and apparently they're a very recent presence in the area.

"Deserters." An old man spits when I talk to him. "Takin' advantage of the king bein' dead to go rogue and start their own gang. Oh they might call 'emselves mercenaries, but I ain't fooled. I know standard issue military armor when I see it."

Interesting. All of the paralogues supposedly appear on the game map after the two year timeskip, so that means these deserters are still successfully operating even after Validar takes over. Assuming, of course, this world follows the game accurately enough. I wonder if the deserters were forgotten about or irrelevant, or if Validar actually had a use for their antics.

Maybe… uh… the chaos of these deserters drives people towards religion for help, in other words towards Grima? I dunno. Nathan is usually the one for guessing motives, not me. All his psychology stuff and general experience makes him way more suited to guessing this stuff than me.

Very few people can actually point us towards either group, mostly because they'd rather not think about the two powerful gangs hanging over their heads and how powerless they are to do anything about it. As long as the gangs aren't here, they don't care where they are otherwise.

Note, however, that I said "very few" and not no one. There is someone willing to help us, though…

"A peculiar group, you are." The man whispers. His heavy cloak obscures most of his body, but his wrinkled, scarred, grinning mouth is visible from underneath the hood. The large eye of Grima on the front of his hood is hard to ignore. This man could not be more obviously grimleal if he tried. "But I can show you the group you wish to find. They've been causing trouble around here in an unappreciated fashion."

If we weren't in disguise, I'd consider jamming a sword in his back as soon as we get our information out of him. Also, I guess this means that the local grimleal don't like these groups either.

You know, assuming all the grimleal in the area are working together, which they aren't necessarily.

"That implies there is appreciated trouble, friend." Chrom says. He masks any distaste he might have masterfully. "But we'll gladly take your help."

The grin on the man's face grows wider, if possible. "Ah, of course, friend. It will only take a few hours. The Stonewall Knights are not nearly as far away as the villagers might want to believe."

"You can't get far in heavy armor!" I chirp.

"Precisely…" The man agrees. "Now, gather up your little group, and we'll be on our way."

It doesn't take long using Cordelia and Sumia to round up the other Shepherds, and we can quickly get underway. This part of Plegia is surprisingly un-sandy. The ground is hard-packed and dusty with a dullish yellow-brown color to it with dull grass sprouting up in clumps, and as we are led further out from the town we can see more and more grass and eventually even some patchy areas of trees. I don't see a river anywhere nearby, so either this place gets some rainfall, or the ground filters out the salt from the ocean water as it comes in and that's where these trees are drinking from.

I mean, maybe. I'm not a botanist… ecologist…? Something. There are too many "ists" out there. Most of which I learned from Nathan now that I think of it.

The grimleal also makes a point to lead us into the tree clusters, and instructs the pegasus riders to remain on the ground.

"Do you see that outcrop, on the top of the hill?" The grimleal says, pointing with one arm. The gesture looks grand despite the mundanity of it because of his baggy sleeves trailing behind him and emphasizing the motion.

"I do." Father says, squining up at the rock. The sun is in our eyes, making it a bit hard to see.

"The Stonewall Knights frequently post a sentry there." The grimleal explains in a whisper. Indeed, I can see someone standing on the rock. "In addition, walk with caution. The knights themselves are not stealthy, but their fort is well hidden by trees and bushes just beyond the outcrop."

"Understood." Chrom nods. "Our thanks once more, friend."

"Of course." The grimleal says, and grins again. "May Master Grima have pity on us, and condemn those irritating knights."

Several of the Shepherds tense up at those words, but again Chrom shows himself to have solid emotional control and he simply nods at the words and waves the Shepherds to gather around him as the Grimleal makes his way back to the town.

"Robin?" Chrom whispers.

"Got it. Gaius."

"You want me to take out the sentry, right Boss?"

"No, I want you to find this fort. If it is as well camouflaged as the grimleal claimed, then we need your eyes to spot it." Father says. "Noire."

"Y-Yes?!" Noire squeaks. I don't think any of us expected her to be called upon.

"How close do you have to be to be able to kill that sentry in one shot consistently?"

"I…" Noire squints up at the rock, then sticks a finger in her mouth and holds it up, feeling for wind. "Mmm… if we move out into the open, I can shoot from further away, around this distance, because the wind will be at my back. If we move around the other side I'll need to be closer but we can stay in the forest. We can't stay here. The sun in my eyes makes it too difficult."

"We don't want to risk getting out in the open." Robin says. "So we'll move around the other side. Panne, you're on point. Make sure there's no one around as we move."

"Understood." Panne says.

Gaius breaks off from our group to sneak ahead, and Panne moves to the front. Everyone is on edge as we march forwards. Sully, Stahl, and Frederick take pains to keep their horses quiet, and Cordelia and Sumia's pegasi walk gingerly on the ground, seeming to understand the situation.

Oh, oh, right. That's something Nathan wanted to know. He wasn't sure how intelligent pegasi were. I should find out later. That would be nice to be able to tell him when he gets back.

We make our way around the north side of the outcrop without issue, and get in close enough for Noire to feel she can shoot accurately against the wind. Everyone holds their breath as Noire draws her bow, aiming straight at the sentry at first, then adjusting her aim slightly to the left to account for the wind not being totally head-on.

Noire exhales deeply, makes a final adjustment without taking another breath (so her breathing can't subtly alter the arrow trajectory), and releases her shot.

A second later the sentry falls off the rock, and we don't hear any shouting. The Shepherds collectively release their helds breaths, a few people pat a bashful Noire on the back, and we make our way around the outcrop,

Gaius meets us there, appearing from out behind a tree. "Our "friend" wasn't kidding, I didn't see the fort until I was two feet from it. More of a bunker than a fort really. It's pretty low to the ground for a fort. The walls are only a bit taller than Freddy here on his horse."

"Thank you Gaius, show us the way."

"Yarne better not attack us before recognizing who we are." Severa grumbles.

"H-He wouldn't do that." Noire stammers.

"He's not the most aware person ever." Severa snorts. "He would."

"No, he'll run." Kjelle responds flatly. "This is Yarne we're talking about."

Actually, according to Nathan's notes on the game, Yarne will attack, but let's not shake the boat anymore.

"Remember, don't risk identifying yourself. No battlecries about Ylisse or anything." Father warns quietly.. "We don't want to risk one of them escaping and suddenly all of Plegia knows the Shepherds were here."

Gaius wasn't kidding about the fort. It's well-disguised because the knights apparently used boulders to build it and then camouflaged the fact that it was a whole wall with strategically planted bushes. From any one area, it just looks like a few boulders in the middle of the forest which really isn't that unusual.

That also, however, means we can just climb the wall because there are handholds. These are boulders, not smooth, sculpted fortifications. Without the benefit of being hidden, there are objectively inferior walls.

We can hear noise beyond the walls. Faint talking, the sound of animals, and the clank of armor.

We make the decision to climb over the walls, meaning our cavaliers and great knights have to leave their horses behind. Gaius climbs first and peeks over the top of the boulder.

"Four of them." He whispers back to us. "Only a few meters away."

Oh, so if one of us sneezed right now, they'd hear us. Yikes.

Father waves everyone in, and then whispers. "We want multiple people climbing it at once. Frederick, Kellam, Sully, Stahl, Chrom, find a rock to climb over. Sumia, Cordelia, Nowi, Nah, take to the air. Everyone else, climb in behind them. Panne, ignore the fighting, find Yarne."

Everyone else nods, gets into position, and our first wave climbs the walls.

Then all hell breaks loose, because of course it couldn't be that simple.

The frontline hits the ground with weapons drawn as our fliers soar overhead. Javelins from Cordelia and Sumia make quick work of the group Gaius noticed, but that doesn't solve all of our problems. There's still the rest of the group. Even the two dragons now circling overhead doesn't deter them, and a call to arms sounds through the camp.

Ten generals promptly stomp out from a wooden meeting hall, accompanied by five sages and five swordmasters. We might outnumber them, but those are all elite troops.

"Panne." Father barks.

"I heard you before manspawn." The taguel growls. She transforms and darts off to to the side.

"Everyone forward! Noire, Nowi, Nah, take out those sages! Mages, the generals! Everyone else, run interference!" Father barks.

"Kellam, Kjelle, keeps those swordmasters busy!" I add. "Don't let them get to the backline!"

"As she said!" Father says, making sure I'm not brushed off. I'm a bit annoyed that he has to do that, because some of the Shepherds would probably ignore me otherwise, but I can deal with that issue later.

As soon as I start casting, I can see a problem. These are soldiers. Deserters, yes, but soldiers, and elite ones at that. They aren't about to stand there and let us blast them to pieces. The first thing the sages do is whip out ward staves and enchant the generals, and the generals step in front of the sages and block all the incoming attacks.

Well that's a problem. "Father, please tell me we have hammers, or armorslayers."

"Vaike has one."

"Only one?"

"Yes." Father grimaces. "I was planning on our mages doing the work."

Fair enough. That's a problem though.

We pelt the generals with spells anyways, because ward doesn't mean they're immune to magic, but of course sages can also heal so that doesn't do too much.

"Cordelia, Sumia! Attack from the rear!" Father barks. "Target those sages!"

Our pegasus knights soar overhead, only to sharply bank away as arrows snap through the air. More reinforcements pour out of a stairway built into the ground, including a pair of snipers.

"This is getting out of hand." I mutter. I cast an elthunder spell, this time pointing at a sniper… who ducks behind the generals. "Come on."

Kjelle and Kellam are fairing slightly better with the swordmasters, especially with some backup from Sully and Stahl. Swords bounce off the armor of the knights, and Sully and Stahl stab anyone who tries to slip by.

Chrom, Lon'qu, Vaike and the like are having issues trying to do anything against the generals. The Shepherds are (smartly) staying out of range of the generals' silver spears (fun fact, they're not actually made of silver despite the name! Silver isn't a great choice for weaponry. Too brittle. The spears just have some silver ornamentation), but that also means they're not making a lot of progress on the "killing things" front.

I switch to elfire, hoping the burst of fire upon impact can maybe sneak some hits towards the sages and snipers. In a surprise to all of us, one of the sages topples to the floor, an arrow sprouting from his forehead. Noire managed to sneak a shot past the generals' shields.

I wish I could say it was a feat of tactics that allowed us to eventually get through the Stonewall Knights, but to be honest it was all Nowi and Nah. We battered down the generals with brute force, because we have dragons. The sages can't outheal dragonfire plus our mages while also dodging the shots Noire manages to sneak past the shields. After two generals fall, Chrom and the other melee fighters can move in and swarm the rest. It's a success for the Shepherds, but a failure for us tacticians. We didn't win by being smart, we threw dragonfire at their faces until they died.

It's a win that doesn't feel like much of a win to me and Father. The other Shepherds don't care as long as we all get out alive, but we tacticians have to hold ourselves to higher standards. We failed in our duties.

Panne drags Yarne up the stairs, out from underground. She's in giant rabbit form, carrying his "human" form by the collar of his armor. Like a cat carrying a kitten… except they're rabbits.

Kjelle has a disapproving frown to share with Yarne, and Severa has some choice words, but Nah and Noire are just happy to see him and don't harp on his cowardice. Laurent deals with the situation stoically, asking after his health, what date he arrived in this world, and all the basic details.

I leave my introduction for another time. I'm busy thinking about how we could have handled that fight differently.

Me and Father discuss tactics all the way back to the boat, and spend the afternoon agonizing over what we could have done, because "smash it with dragons" is not an acceptable answer to all our problems.

###

"I still don't understand why you had to time it as you did, or why you had to go through with it at all." Father says. "I'm not frustrated so much as I am confused, and concerned. It seems like an unnecessary risk."

Father is having a bit of a difficult time wrapping his head around my little operation. I'm surprised he waited until after it happened to bring this up. Maybe my whole "I'm an adult!" speech made him feel like he shouldn't speak up before. "It wasn't as much of a risk as you might think Father. It's not like Miriel was removing something inside my brain, it was on the surface, and we had a healer on hand in case anything went wrong."

"But why did that risk have to be taken?" Father asks. "You said yourself that it was benign, there was no reason to risk trying to remove it in an experimental surgery."

I understand where he's coming from, I really do. What parent wouldn't be worried about their child undergoing such a thing if it weren't absolutely necessary? "That's not true though. There was a reason. I didn't want to feel like there was something wrong with me, like I was missing out on something that should happen. It's not that I couldn't have lived without the operation or anything, I would have eventually accepted my situation, but I wasn't going to pass up the chance to grow! I don't know how to explain it really, but this wasn't something I could not do."

I don't think Father understands all that well, but I can't really blame him. It's more of a feeling of necessity than something I can use logic to justify.

"Besides, Mirel recreated a spell that can literally disassemble and reassemble someone's body. A precision cut is not beyond her. We also had Maribelle there for safety."

"I know." Father sighs. "I know, I know…"

"But it still seems crazy to you."

"Not crazy exactly, just reckless."

"I want my body to be in my control, Father." I say. My reasoning isn't too different from Nathan's I suppose. "I want my body to be mine, I want to be comfortable in my own skin, and I wasn't going to tolerate the feeling that I was missing some part of myself if I didn't have to."

"I suppose I can understand that." Father says after a moment's consideration. "But you couldn't have waited…?"

"I wanted to get it over with." I say sheepishly. "It was a bit nerve-wracking knowing that was in my future, but yeah, I probably could have waited."

"Perhaps I'm letting you be a little too independent, hmm? Scheduling clearly isn't your forte."

I'm slightly offended for a second, but his smile tips me off that he's making a joke. That's rare for Father. He's usually so serious. "Hey, at least I know what I want! By the way, when are you going to find a hot lady to marry? I need someone to thank for my good looks!"

"And here I thought the parents were supposed to tell the kids to get married already." Father sighs dramatically. "What has the world come to?"

"It's come to me, obviously! The world bends to my will! A goddess am I!"

"As if I didn't already have enough to deal with, and now I'm raising a goddess?" Father says. "Raise the bar any higher and I won't be able to manage."

"All the more reason for you to find someone, hmm?" I tease. "You can't possibly deal with me on your own."

Father lightly rolls his eyes. "I'll take that under advisement."

"No pressure though." I chirp. "It's not like I'd be any less chaotic if I had a mother!"

"Well that just removes all incentive to get married, doesn't it?" Father says.

Ahh, I've missed being able to do this, even if this is very tame compared to what I'm used to. I can't exactly make lewd jokes with my own father after all.

###

"Hi! I'm Morgan! I'm objectively the best person ever!" I chirp as my introduction to Yarne. "You're Yarne, right? Do you give rides? Do you like carrots? Do you like board games? I like board games. Board games are great, like me."

Yarne looks like I threatened to cut off his tail, not like I gave an amazing and perfect introduction like I obviously did. Nathan's notes were right, he's a nervous wreck, and that's coming from someone who is themself a nervous wreck so you know it's bad. "Who are you? What do you want?"

"I'm Morgan, I just said that!" I say cheerfully. "And I want to touch your ears, because they look sooo soft! Can I? Can I? Please?"

"No! They're mine! I'm an endangered species, not a petting zoo!"

"I know! That's why I asked first rather than just paying you!" I say. "Unless you want money. I'll totally pay for it!"

"No!"

"Aww…" I frown. "Does this mean you won't be my friend?"

"What?"

"My friend! D. You know what those are, right? Most people have at least one."

"Of course I know what friends are!"

"Yaaay! New friend!" I say, and hug the bewildered taguel. "So now I can touch your ears, right?"

"St-Stay back fiend!" Yarne yelps, and tries to push me away.

"Nooo, it's friend!" I say, holding on tight. "You forgot the R!"

"You're crazy!"

"Well yeah, obviously!" I frown. "Who isn't?"

"Me!"

"But you're shouting at a friend. Only crazy people shout at friends. That means you're crazy." I say matter-of-factly.

Yarne looks utterly baffled and just a little bit afraid, so I decide to drop my act now that I've had my fun, and I release him from my grip. "So, hi again, I'm Morgan. I'm Robin's future kid. I'm from a different dimension than the rest of you. Amnesiac too. I've heard all about you from my boyfriend. You'll meet him some other time. His story is even weirder than mine."

"Oh." Yarne says. "Are you not actually crazy?"

"I wouldn't go that far." I say with a smile. "I do want to touch your ears, but I won't if you don't want me to."

"Please don't."

Worth a try. "Alright. Can we be friends though? Being friends is fun."

"Will you be less weird if I say yes?"

"Nope! But I'll be more friendly!"

I can see Yarne metally debating if "more friendly" is a good thing, but at some point he decides that saying no is probably more trouble than it's worth. "Sure…"

"Yay! New friend!" I cheer. "Do you want to play a game? I have some board games! How about sparring? We can do that too! I'd love to study your style and techniques!"

"L-Let's just play a game…"

"Ooh, okay! You should try chess! It's so fun! I'll go grab it!"

Predictably, Yarne sucks at chess. He's also nervous the whole time for some reason. Maybe he's afraid of just how smart I am!

That's totally the reason, and not because our introduction involved me being super weird because I thought it was fun.

---

Did you think the running joke about Morgan not growing was there just for fun? Well the joke is on you, because Morgan actually is going to grow, and this was planned for a while!

Also, apparently I'm continuing the trend of having somewhat major plot points happen with very little lead-up. First the talk with Naga, then Nathan getting his body replaced, and now Morgan casually has brain surgery.

Morgan undergoing a physical change was an idea I got as soon as I knew I would be putting Nathan away for a year. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it initially. The original idea was to not have Morgan chapters in the middle, and this chapter would have been Nathan waking up a year later and seeing that Morgan was suddenly different. Once I knew I was going to be doing at least one Morgan chapter though, I had to come up with an actual explanation why this happened. I wasn't sure if she was legitimately going to be a late bloomer (perhaps constitutional growth delay) or if I wanted there to be some greater medical reason why she was small (which is what I ended up going with because it felt more fitting that just hand-waving it with "oh she was just late", and because Nathan's basic knowledge of biology played a part in allowing Miriel to even do this operation).

I'm also realizing Morgan is a lot more tame without Nathan to bounce off of, and she's a bit more of an ass because her immense confidence and forwardness can be rather rude.

TLDR, I make questionable decisions for the story and characters and try to explain my madness to all of you.