The plunge into the icy cold water was shocking, stealing Violet's breath away for several long seconds. Immediately, the water soaked through her clothes and she could feel the weight of the wet backpack pulling at her. She struggled to breathe, to stand, to keep her feet on the bottom, or to even get into a position where she might have some modicum of control, but the smooth rocks underneath her feet granted her no purchase and the pack on her back greatly hindered her movements.
Panic engulfed her as the current pulled her farther away from shore. Vaguely, she could hear Klaus calling to her, but couldn't understand a word he was saying as she slipped under the surface again and again. She had no idea how she was going to get out of this mess and it was all she could do to try to gulp some air now and then while water washed over her face. It was not very deep. She knew she could stand if she only had something to hold onto, but the hiking poles hung uselessly at her wrists, all but forgotten as she flailed her arms in an attempt to keep her head above the water. There was no way for her to know how long she fought her sinking backpack and the rushing water. A small eternity?
Then, the river bottom dropped out from beneath her feet altogether. The water deepened and the rapids carried her faster than before. Once, she caught sight of Klaus running along the river bank to her left, higher up than she, and still he was calling out to her over and over. What was he saying? The only word she could make out was 'backpack'. She just couldn't hear him, submerged as she was, with the noise of the whitewater right in her ears and the sounds of her deafening panic dulling her senses.
Violet had lost all sense of direction when the water finally shallowed again and rocks began to scrape against her legs. Ignoring the pain, she scrabbled again for something she could hold on to, to slow herself, when her hands found, not a rock or tree branch, but Klaus. He caught her wrist in a vice hold and she grabbed frantically at his arm with her other hand. Blinking away the water from her eyes, she could see him there, above her, hanging from a low fallen tree trunk.
"Can you reach the bottom, Violet?" he was asking. She was so tired, her body so cold, and still the the water pulled at her. It took much of her concentration to make her numb extremities obey her.
"Just barely," she answered, out of breath.
"Can you unfasten the pack?" he asked, also winded.
"No," she cried, sure she was already slipping. The current was unrelenting and her backpack was dead set and determined to drag her along with it. "Don't let go!"
"I won't let you go," he assured, tightening his grip on her. His mouth was set in a grim resolve, and for a moment all they did was cling to the other's hands. "Okay," he said finally. "You're not far from land. Do you see it?"
The edge of the river and its tall grasses were indeed only about five feet from her. She nodded.
"It gets much shallower, but there is a large rock between you and the shore that's blocking the way. Can you see it?"
She shook her head.
"I'm going to try to pull you to the rock, but I'm going to need your help in order to get you up onto it."
"Don't let go," she said again.
"I won't. We're going to see about getting you up onto that rock, okay?"
Violet could only shake her head. She'd been scared as she had ridden down the river, kept afloat only by what she could assume was luck, and fear gripped her still, paralyzing her. Now that she had a hold of Klaus, there was no way she was going to let him go.
"It's okay," he said again, scraping himself down the fallen tree trunk a couple inches at a time, simultaneously pushing and bracing with his legs, dragging Violet along with him until her body bumped up against the rock he had told her about. The top of the large boulder was just there, submerged about six inches under, but now that she was close to it, she could see that it was large and flat, and that the water on the other side was calm. He was right. If she could get up on that she would be safe.
"Change of plans, Violet. I'm coming down there. Hold on, okay?"
"Okay."
Never letting go of her hand, he eased himself off the tree so that his feet splashed down on the rock next to her. He let go of the tree, and using one hand to pull at her backpack strap and one under her arm, he dragged her onto the safety of the rock. Still half-laying on the water-logged bag, Violet fumbled with the buckles, but she was shaking so hard that she couldn't make her numb fingers work. Klaus kneeled over her, deftly pulling all the straps and fasteners free of her arms, tugging her upright into a sitting position, into the safety of his embrace.
"I've got you. It's okay." He was warm and steady, and he pressed his cheek into the top of her wet hair. She desperately wanted out of the water, but didn't have the strength to pull away from Klaus. Finally, cradling her face, he looked her over quickly. "Can you walk? I'll help you."
"Yeah. I think so."
He stood over her protectively, helping her to stand, making sure she was totally sturdy before he turned his attention to the last couple of feet to the river bank. It would've been easy enough for Klaus to hop across, but Violet was not up to the challenge. Instead he stood in the middle of the water and held her waist the entire time she walked across the uneven rocks. Once she was on dry ground, he returned for the abandoned backpack, twice as heavy as it used to be now that it and everything in it was soaked with water. Violet could do nothing but shiver, cold and possibly in shock.
"All right." Klaus brought her backpack and laid it down at her feet. "Are you okay, Violet?" he asked worriedly. "Your lips are blue. I don't have any blankets for you."
"Where's your…your backpack?" Violet's teeth chattered violently.
Klaus raised his hand to the back of his head, rubbing at his hair, scrunching up his forehead. "I dropped it about a mile back."
"A mile?" Violet's voice went up an octave.
"I've got to go back for it, if you think you'll be okay? I'll run all the way there and it shouldn't take more than half an hour."
While he was gone, Violet dragged the sodden pack further away from the bank and turned it over to let some of the water drain from it. Then she sat on the ground to wait.
An hour later had the pair back on the trail. Klaus took the heavier pack, explaining they didn't have too much farther to go. He'd even offered to return to the car, but that would be at least a five mile walk and Violet knew she wasn't up for it, especially in their squelchy boots. "Besides," she said. "What else could possibly go wrong?"
Of course, it began to rain. Not just a misty sprinkle, but an absolute downpour. Klaus made her stop so he could affix the rainflaps to their backpacks, designed to keep the insides dry, though Violet scoffed loudly when he did it to hers, because her belongings could get no wetter.
"It doesn't hurt," Klaus explained, pulling out a couple of plastic rain ponchos and holding one out to her.
"I'm already soaked, Klaus."
"Just put it on, please," he asked gently. "You're the one who tempted fate, asking out loud what else could go wrong."
"If you remember, you're the one who said it was fate that brought us out here in the first place. Why would you ever think fate might be kind to us? If everything worked to get us out here it was only because fate has fun torturing us. We were crazy to believe the universe might have anything good planned for us." She said all this while she tugged her slicker over her head.
Klaus pulled the hood up over her head and tucked her wet locks behind her ear. "I've liked being here with you, Violet."
"Except for when you have to save me every few minutes," she bit out, her tone harsher than she really meant it.
"I don't mind," he answered, smiling affectionately. "We used to save each other all the time. Do you remember?"
She softened immediately, leaning her forehead into his chest, then after a moment, wrapped her arms around his waist in the most plastic-wrapped hug she'd ever initiated. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess." His only reply was to tighten his arms around her.
They didn't walk much further before calling it a night. Even the hiking couldn't warm Violet up, not when she was soaked through and the rain poured down all around. There was no chance for a fire. Even if the rain would let up, the wood would all be too wet. The worst part was that there would be no chance to dry out her belongings overnight. All of her extra clothes, her socks and undies, her sleeping bag, would remain wet for the unforeseeable future. She had only Klaus's mercy and generosity to fall back on.
Backpackers didn't tend to pack many clothing items, Klaus had explained before the trip. He had only the clothes he was wearing plus one change of sweatpants and long-sleeved shirt, which he willingly parted with the latter, keeping the pants to change into himself because Violet insisted he needed dry clothes after all the rain.
Klaus cooked her ramen from the doorway of their tent, handing it to her while she tucked her legs down into Klaus's sleeping bag. "Supper in bed," Klaus announced. "Almost as good as breakfast in bed." She'd never been so grateful for a warm meal in her life, and it tasted so good, hot and salty, filling her belly but doing little to staunch her shivers.
And though the clock said it was quite early, the dark, rainy sky disagreed, and Klaus approached the dilemma of the single sleeping bag. "Would it be uncomfortable for you if we shared?" Klaus asked tentatively. Violet couldn't think of anything more comfortable than the idea of her brother, shirtless and looking comfy in his thick sweatpants, laying at her back and possibly holding her. Maybe she would even ask him to. And it was like sweet nostalgia as they crammed themselves into the small space of the sleeping bag, his large body spooning her smaller one, and without her having to ask he rested a hand, first on her shoulder, then sweeping her hair out of the way, crept an arm under her neck, so that she could lay her head on his shoulder.
"Is this okay?" he asked, still sounding cautious, and she knew that his hesitance was her fault. Back before, on the island, they always slept wrapped up in each other and had never given it a second's thought. Reaching behind her she pulled his hand over her waist so that she was properly engulfed in his arms. Feeling much warmer, her body finally began to relax, and she shivered only sporadically now.
She tried not to dwell on how much skin was exposed, on how she'd shed her wet panties the first chance she'd gotten and was covered only by the length of Klaus's shirt or how his bare arm was connected to his bare shoulder, then to his bare torso which was pressed closely behind her. "Do you think the mountain lion will track us here tonight?" she asked, only partly playing, but mostly concerned.
"Nah," Klaus laughed, and the sound vibrated through her body and his breath drafted over her ear. "I'm sure it lost your trail once you fell in the river."
"Shut up," she said, elbowing him lightly in the stomach.
He retaliated with a quick tickle to her ribs, making her squeal in surprise. When she got him to stop she said much more seriously. "You did save my life today."
"Hmm," he contemplated absently. The tent became quiet for a long moment and Violet noticed that the rain had turned mostly to wind that scattered water droplets from the tree leaves onto their roof.
"Well, thank you."
"You can owe me one."
"How could I ever pay you back for that?"
His fingers tightened infinitesimally on her waist, and it felt like he leaned into her. "Can't think of anything?" he asked quietly.
Oh my goodness! Was he flirting? She felt that old surge of guilt rise in her gut saying she shouldn't engage with Klaus this way, but for the first time she swept that feeling under the rug and acted on her own long-held feelings for her brother. "Well…maybe a few things," she answered coyly and she felt his sharp intake of breath at her back.
"Was Isadora your first kiss?" she asked suddenly and he let that breath out in a whoosh against her neck.
"Why?"
"I'm curious. Who all have you been in love with?" she asked mischievously.
"Kissing doesn't equal love," he returned matter-of-factly.
"Don't be so serious. So Isadora? And then, what? Fiona?"
He laughed nervously. "You've forgotten Carmelita Spatz."
Violet gasped loudly. "You kissed Carmelita? Why?"
"I wasn't exactly a willing party, if you know what I mean? Being cornered in a dark hall and bullied into a kiss still counts as a kiss."
"Gross." Violet faked a gagging sound while Klaus laughed. "Then you had your little girlfriend in the submarine?" she asked derisively.
"Why are you so jealous of Fiona and not Isadora? I've never understood that."
"Hmm," Violet thought. "Isadora loves us both and we both love her. Fiona just rubbed me the wrong way."
"Really?" Klaus asked, trying not to laugh as he said, "Because she rubbed me all the right ways."
"Don't be gross," Violet squealed again, and he caught her elbow before it could make contact with his stomach again.
"And you kissed Quigley on the top of Mount Fraught instead of rescuing our sister?" he accused, without much heat these days since Sunny was perfectly safe. Did Klaus truly think she'd only ever kissed the one triplet?
"And I kissed Duncan." She looked over her shoulder to see how he received this information.
"Big surprise," Klaus said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Apparently you're attracted to that particular type."
"Well, there's something else," she suggested conspiratorially. Klaus silence urged her to go on. "You can't tell anybody."
"Who would I tell?"
And though it was no easy feat in the small space of the sleeping bag, Violet turned over to face her brother. "I mean it. You can't talk about it. Promise me!"
"What is it?" he asked, exasperated.
"It was only last year." She raised her eyebrows in expectation.
"What was?"
"That I kissed Duncan."
Klaus tucked his chin down, digesting this tidbit. "You cheated on Quigley?" he asked doubtfully.
"Not exactly, Klaus. Don't look at me like that. It was more like a severe case of mistaken identity…that we let go on a few more minutes than necessary."
"What did Quigley say about it? I imagine he was pretty mad." The oldest Quigley could be pretty unforgiving in the best of circumstances, very jealous and unlikely to laugh it off as a funny instance. At Violet's doleful eyes, Klaus said, "You did tell him?" She shook her head vehemently. Klaus sighed loudly.
Then to change the subject —"I also kissed Isadora," she added hastily.
"What the hell, Violet?" Klaus exclaimed. "Jesus Christ! Is no Quagmire safe from your wily ways?"
"You can't mention it to her. It was right after she broke up with that guy, what was his name…Jaden or Camden or…I can't remember. Me and the girls were visiting with her and it was late at night and she was crying and then she kissed me. It was over before it even started and she laughed it off, I apologized…It was…" she tilted her face, closed her eyes, remembering, "very sweet."
"You have a superpower." Klaus said, his smile broad on his face. He kept glancing at her mouth and she knew he was thinking about their own kiss.
"What? Buoyancy amongst large bodies of water? Yes, I think you're right."
"No." He shook his head earnestly. "Well, yes, I suppose that's true, too, but…you have a certain way of making everybody fall in love with you."
Oh. Well. Gooseflesh prickled over her arms and though she hadn't been particularly aware of where her hands had been before, she was now overly conscious of how her fingertips were pressed into Klaus's upper chest, and how his hand laid lightly on her waist. "Do," she began, then took a deep breath to gather her courage. "Do you remember the time you kissed me?" She forced her voice to sound light.
The crease in Klaus's forehead made an appearance. "I guess I don't really think about it like that."
"What do you mean?"
His crease got deeper. "I thought we weren't ever supposed to speak of it again?"
"Maybe we could talk about it, Klaus. If you want to."
"Why now? Why the change of heart?" he asked, curious.
She didn't know exactly why, wouldn't be able to put it into words that made perfect sense to him or her, so only shrugged.
Klaus pressed his lips tightly together, as if he was trying to keep his own words from escaping, but then said, "To me, it wasn't the time that I kissed you. To me, it was when I told you that I loved you and…" He said no more, but the words 'you rejected me" hung in the air between them. Violet pressed her fingers up and over his shoulder, cupping his neck. They were so close together and it felt so good to her after being apart so long.
"I loved you, too," she finally confessed, quietly, earnestly. "I loved you for such a long time before you ever told me." It was a relief to say it out loud, this secret she'd been holding dear to her heart for so many years, this secret which had caused her so much guilt and had driven Klaus away from her.
He shook his head. "No," he muttered, a denial. He cast his eyes down, thinking hard, looking like he was replaying everything over in his mind in the light of this new information. "No." His gaze returned to her. "You lied to me?"
"No! I never lied." Violet gently rubbed her fingers through the hair at the base of his skull. "I would never say I didn't love you."
"Violet, you did say you didn't want to be with me like…like that." His tone was accusing.
"No, I didn't. I said we shouldn't…that we couldn't." Klaus was still shaking his head in disbelief, his mouth opening and closing, but no words were coming out. She could feel the heat emanating from his body, flushed as he was becoming with emotion. What emotion, she wasn't sure, but it looked raw and pained and she hated herself a little bit for bringing it up if it caused him so much distress. If only she could make him understand how much she had missed him, how much she regretted how a single moment in their lives had set them on separate paths, how much she loved him. She pressed her lips to his, just a chaste kiss in any opinion, just so she wouldn't have to see how much she'd hurt him and continued to hurt him.
It only lasted the length of one breath, of three heartbeats, and then Klaus jerked away from her, grabbing her wrist to pull her hand from him. It was a heartbreaking struggle to see him fight his way out of the sleeping bag, all while she tried to make him stay.
"Klaus! Please!" she pleaded with him, grabbing at him fruitlessly, struggling to free herself from the small confines of the sleeping bag. "Don't go. I'm sorry." But he was out of the tent and would disappear into the dark if she didn't go right after him.
It was still raining a little, or maybe it was just the wind shaking the tree leaves. Big fat drops landed sporadically on her head and the wind whipped around her bare legs. All the heat she had gathered from her warm supper and sleeping bag dissipated in an instant. She ran after him in the only direction he could've gone, her bare feet freezing in the wet, weedy grass and bruising when she stepped on rock or stick.
"Klaus?" she called, catching sight of him a little ways in front of her.
Rounding on her when she got close, he seemed to loom over her, pointing his finger at her. "I knew it. I knew it all along. That's why I told you the things I did. I was so sure…absolutely positive that you felt the same way as me, but then you made me think I was some sort of pervert…"
"Klaus, no," she tried to say, but he continued to speak over her, on the verge of hysterical.
"You made me question everything that had ever happened between us. I think I just about went out of my mind trying to figure out where I had gone so wrong. For years I couldn't even look at you without thinking how ashamed of me you must be. And now…" —he turned from her and began pacing— "now you say you loved me all along? I don't understand? Why keep it from me? Don't you think we suffered enough? Why, Violet?"
"I did it to protect you!" Violet's voice was loud, but still muffled by the wind.
"From what?" he countered, throwing his arms out in wide gesticulation. "That's just an excuse to make yourself feel better. So what about all those other reasons you gave me back then? What about our parents? Were they all just excuses?"
"I thought I was trying to do what was best for you. I had good intentions, but now I see that it was merely childish obedience to some crazy promise I made to our parents who've been dead for over a decade."
He wasn't listening to her. Not really. He continued, "Everything changed between us."
"No," she stopped him with a raised hand between them. "That was your fault. You pushed me away."
"And then the first chance you got, you went running straight to Quigley Quagmire and you let him undermine me at every turn. You let him send me away."
"It was for your own good. Wasn't it just yesterday you said it was better to live a real life than the fairytale? If things hadn't happened this way, then maybe you wouldn't have gone to college or have the opportunities that you have ahead of you now," she reminded him.
"Whatever." He dismissed her excuses with a wave of his hand. "We could have gone to college together. Shared the responsibilities of the girls. You could have been something besides his little housewife!"
Klaus's words were sharp. They stung like a slap to the face. She often felt like a huge disappointment to her family, to her friends, and most often —herself. But to hear it spoken from him, an audible affirmation of her fears, was demoralizing. What came next, though, was like a stab straight to the heart.
"And when you didn't choose me…when you chose him, it was like I lost the most important part of myself. You took my girls from me and played the happy little family with him. Sometimes, months go by and I don't hear a peep from you, which means I don't get to talk to Sunny or Beatrice, either. It's been awfully convenient for you to just forget all about me, to let Beatrice and Sunny forget all about me." His angry words conveyed years of pent up emotion. "And now you tell me you loved me?" He shook his head scornfully. "I came to terms a long time ago with the fact that the person I loved the most in the whole world can't even stand to be around me."
"None of that is true!" Violet countered. "I've never stopped loving you!"
"Yeah?" he said derisively. "Is that what you tell yourself when you're cooking his supper and keeping his bed warm for him? What? When you let him fuck you? You wish I were there instead of him?"
She felt like pulling her hair out. It was a crude thing to say and he'd meant to shock her, but the truth was that this basest image conjured up her most innate feelings about her relationship with Quigley. He could never be the substitute for Klaus that she wanted him to be. "Yes!" she cried loudly. "God, yes!" The confession silenced his rampage, his jaw locking so tight she could see the muscles clenching, even in the dark. He rummaged in the pocket of his sweatpants for his crumpled up pack of cigarettes and a lighter. With shaking hands he lit his cigarette with a long drag, all the while looking anywhere but at her. "Who wouldn't have preferred you, Klaus?" she said almost tenderly. "You are the definition of love. You, who are a hundred times kinder, more thoughtful, more helpful than any other man I've ever met. Don't you think I hated it when Quigley made Bea stop calling you Papa, and me Mama? When she forgot about you for months at a time when you were the one who always loved her best? Do you think I liked it when he would get so tired of being part of my family that he would actually leave the country to get away from us?" She shook her head. "But you're the one who lied, Klaus. That night, back on the island, you said things between us could stay the way they were and you'd be okay with that, but that's not what happened, is it? You've punished me for not choosing you then and there. You did an about face on our relationship. I lost everything that night because you stopped talking to me, stopped seeing me. The girls had you and you had them, but I was nobody to you after that. I might as well have been invisible."
She hated the sight of him with that cigarette in his hand, so stepped forward and plucked it from his fingers and threw it down on the wet ground. He didn't even seem to notice. "Can you try to understand how alone I was after that?" she asked. "I was so lonely, and I'm not saying how I handled things was the right way, but I didn't know what else to do. We were just kids. Even now, I'm just…I've got nobody and nothing and no clue what to do next." She paused, taking in a huge breath and letting it all out in a shuddering exhale. "All I know is that I'm tired of living without you, Klaus." She took his hand in hers, willing him again to show her some sort of kindness or compassion or understanding. "I never meant to hurt you."
"Why are you telling me all of this?"
"I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. It was stupid to think you might still feel something for me after all that's happened."
"Is that what you want? For me to have feelings for you?" His tone was too hard, too incredulous. He must think she was crazy.
Violet stood there, bared before Klaus with all her secrets out in the open, shivering in the chilly wind. She longed to put her arms around him, to make him forgive her for all her wrong decisions, and even considered pleading a little if it came to it, because she felt so desperate for some connection with him in that moment, but all she did was give a tiny nod.
He stared at her in the dark for a long time, expression unreadable, while she hoped he would soften, to give a little, but he didn't. The skin around his mouth tightened into a dark, humorless smirk. "You know the Bible says 'bad company corrupts good morals.'" He said it to annoy her, and it worked. To her great disappointment he pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket again and lit one. Klaus dismissed her like she was a small, disobedient child who had come downstairs and interrupted a dinner party. "Why don't you go back to the tent before you freeze to death. I'll be there in a little while." He waved his cigarette by way of explanation.
Disappointed and unhappy, she quickly made her way back to the tent. She felt utterly destroyed, absolutely alone. Klaus didn't care for her like he used to, and really, that was the way the world should be... at least that's how she consoled herself. Thunder rolled around the mountain they were camped on, though she hadn't noticed any lightening underneath these thick trees. The wind blew her hair and her feet ached from the cold, wet ground. Her eyes burned with tiredness and unshed tears, and they finally began to flow in earnest down her cheeks when the tent came in to view. Shivering violently, Violet climbed alone into Klaus's sleeping bag, and it felt a lot like climbing into bed without him for the first time six years ago after a much similar circumstance. It was just not meant to be between them.