Summary: Erza and Gray, Natsu and Lucy, and the Thunder God tribe all go on a mission that requires dressing in drag….
Pairings: Sisterly Erza/Gray, implied Natsu/Lucy, implied one-sided Freed/Laxus, Freed/Bickslow friendship, and a few other friendship-y feels.
Author's Note: This is dedicated to Fred and George Weasley Twins, whose delightful conversation inspired this entire chapter. I hope you enjoy it.
"Why am I the girl again?"
They were on an undercover mission at a grand ball. Just the two of them, which rarely ever happens but Natsu and Lucy had already buggered off on their own mission, and Gray and Erza had their own rent to pay. Erza had chosen the job and the moment Gray saw the sparkles around her, the bright gold twinkle in both her real and fake eye, and the happy glow on his cheeks... he knew he would be fucked.
Erza always loved to play dress up and for some reason she doubly loved putting Gray in a dress.
"I don't know," Erza said as she twirled Gray around, "maybe because you're whiney like a girl," Gray flinched as it felt the words 'whiney girl' had just hit him over the head. "Besides I make a better nobleman than you do."
Gray had to give her that.
Erza always did look rather dashing in her gold and white suit and her red hair pulled back into a rather masculine looking ponytail (he wasn't sure how a ponytail could look masculine but Erza's did!), and all the girls loved her in her prince costume. She was more of a chick magnet than Gray and Loke at their best.
It really destroyed a man's ego.
His hand strayed for the ties on his dress. It was itchy and weird, all this silk and lace, he had no idea how anyone human could wear this. It supported his theory that all women were secretly demons.
Erza slapped his hands away. "You'll give the game away if you undress yourself," she hissed fiercely.
"It's itchy," Gray protested in…well a whiney voice. Damn, no wonder Erza called him a whiney girl earlier. "And too hot, and smothering," he carried on, deciding to screw pride and dignity in favour of complaining, "And how the hell did Lucy cope wearing this sort of crap every day before she ran away?"
"Whiney," Erza enunciated slowly, "little" she dragged out the word, "girl."
"Are you upset that I have more feminine beauty than you can ever hope for?"
Gray still didn't understand how having him undressing would have broken their cover but Erza punching him so hard that he flew across the room would not.
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
"Why am I the bloke?" Lucy asked as she led Natsu around on the dance floor…probably or the best, while Natsu can be surprisingly graceful on his feet, he didn't half knock the rest of the dancers over in his excitement. "Surely it's logical for me to be the girl," Lucy continued, "since I'm smaller, have huge breasts, and you know, am actually a girl."
"Yeah," Happy agreed hiding under Lucy's hair, "but Natsu looks better in a dress than you do – EEK!"
Lucy had a satisfying moment of crushing Happy against the wall as she stepped back quickly into the cold, stone, wall. It left the poor blue cat as a furry stain.
"Lucy," Natsu scolded her cheerfully, "that's mean."
"You do not look better in a dress than I do," Lucy hissed, "especially in that dress. You might have pink hair but there's no reason to wear a pink…..hang on, isn't that my dress?!"
"Yeah," Natsu said dreamily as he nuzzled the silk that covered his shoulder, "It smells like you."
"Tee-hee," Happy giggled, "he liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes you."
Lucy blushed. "Shut up!" she hissed. "You're going to ruin our cover!" she turned back to face Natsu only to find him staring intently at her.
"Lucy…"
"Yeah?"
"Where did your boobs go?" Natsu blurted out. "You went from bouncy to flat as a board. Are you sure you were a girl to begin with? You look more like a guy than Gray right no-"
Lucy punched him so hard that he went flying into the wall.
"So much for our cover," Happy sighed.
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
"Why?!"
"Because you look like a girl," Bickslow rolled his eyes, "we've been through this before. With your hair, slimmer build, and delicate features, you make a better woman than either Laxus or I could be."
"No I know that," Freed rolled his eyes, he had no problem dressing as a girl for the sake of the job. He wasn't an immature boy like Gray or Elfman. In fact he enjoyed what it entailed. It's not often he and Evergreen got to spend the day together getting manicures. "I'm asking why do I have to dance with you and not Laxus-sama!"
Bickslow sweat-dropped. "You have problems," he told his best friend.
There was a slight breeze as someone flew past their heads and then another breeze as another person flew past them. They both sweat-dropped at that.
"We're not the only ones here, are we?"
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
The bad guy had been knocked down by what seemed to be a hoard of very hideous women and some far too pretty boys. All he wanted was to steal from all the overstuffed peacocks at the ball and now he was dying of what felt like multiple concussions. He moaned woozily as he was surrounded by a group of arguing mages.
"YOU!"
He groaned as they all screamed and pointed at one another.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" the pink haired one, the dark haired one, and the mousy brown haired women all roared at one another.
"WE'RE ON A JOB!" the really pretty blonde one, the weird blue haired one, and the redheaded one shouted.
"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" the scarred blonde man, the pink haired one, and the dark haired one all shouted. "THIS IS OUR JOB!"
"NO," the pink haired one and the dark haired on screamed into each other's faces. "IT'S OUR JOB!"
"OUR JOB!"
"OUR JOB!"
"OUR JOB!"
"OUR JOB!"
"OUR JOB!"
"OUR JOB!"
"OUR JOB!"
"OUR JOB!"
"OUR JOB!"
"Look," Laxus finally snapped, fed up of his highly annoying guild mates screaming at one another, "obviously there's been a mix up and we all got the job. So instead of being at each other's throats let's get this arsehole to the authorities, split the money between us, and never mention this incident again. In fact I might need some bleach to wipe away the sight of you two fucking morons in a dress."
"Why?" Natsu flipped his hair arrogantly. "Can't stand the fact that I look better in a dress than you ever could?"
Natsu's electrified body fell to the floor with a loud thump as smoke rose up from him.
"…Idiot."